1

00:00:09,310 --> 00:00:10,609

( knocks )

2
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:13,579
East Coast polls
are closing, ma'am.

3
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,450
- <i>( knocks )</i>
- Ma'am...

4
00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:19,618
history is calling.

5
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:22,388
And it won't go to voice mail.

6
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:30,062
- ( knocks )
- Hey.

7
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:31,130
You okay, ma'am?

8
00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:33,565
Oh, I'd love one, Gary.
Thank you.

9
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:35,701
Okay, I'll get...
I'll get you one.

10
00:00:35,703 --> 00:00:41,373
Well, I've asked America if she
wants me to be her president.

11
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:44,076
Now she's gonna
give us her answer.

12
00:00:44,078 --> 00:00:47,179
- ( clears throat ) - America
doesn't just love you, ma'am,

13
00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:50,115
- she is in love with you.
- ( chuckles )

14
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:53,252
Mike:
<i>We've lost Kentucky!</i>

15
00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:56,789
<i>( theme music playing )</i>

16
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:08,100
So I assume you reached out
to the O'Brien camp.

17
00:01:08,102 --> 00:01:10,335
Taking a meeting with
Charlotte or with Kim?

18
00:01:10,337 --> 00:01:12,738
No, I haven't contacted
the O'Brien team.

19
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:16,642
Amy, if he wins, our lobbying stock
is gonna droop like a chimp's tits.

20
00:01:16,644 --> 00:01:18,177
We're not gonna be
the golden kids anymore.

21
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:19,311
We've got to stay on his radar.

22
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:21,413
But we need to be in
with her, too.

23
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:22,681
- She might win.
- Yeah.

24
00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:24,216
Well, on air I'm gonna
keep in with her.

25
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:27,820
Off air I'm telling the Nazis
that she's hiding in the attic.
26
00:01:27,822 --> 00:01:28,854
- Hey.
- Hey.

27
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:29,755
- Hi.
- Hey, so...

28
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:31,824
we have Sally Davenport
with us, of course.

29
00:01:31,826 --> 00:01:33,659
We've also got Matty Curtis.

30
00:01:33,661 --> 00:01:34,660
- Wow.
- Love that guy.

31
00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:35,828
The online statistics savant.

32
00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:40,532
Yeah, in the midterms, he predicted
the margin in every Senate seat.

33
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:43,102
- So, suck it, Fox.
- ( laughs )

34
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:45,170
- ( knocks )
- So we doing this or what?

35
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:46,705
Hey, well,
thank God you're here.

36
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:49,274
No one else here knows how
tonight will go. Have fun.

37
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,243
- Yeah, we'll see you out there.
- <i>Okay.</i>
38
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:53,212
So, closest election
in living memory.

39
00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:54,580
- Yeah.
- Hope you guys are prepared.

40
00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:57,483
- We will do our best.
- Well, we're gonna need better than that.

41
00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:59,518
- Okay.
- I'm kidding. I'm just kidding.

42
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:02,354
But you better be good.

43
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:04,523
Man:<i> Sorry, guys, we need
this area to be clear.</i>

44
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:06,291
Hey, wait,
it's the testicle man.

45
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,594
Guilty as charged.
Check 'em, don't neglect 'em.

46
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:10,696
This whole scrotum situation is
really working out for you, sir.

47
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:14,133
That hearing was terrible, but it
really got my face out there, you know?

48
00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:18,670
You're the face of workplace
bullying and genital health.

49
00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:21,607
Look at this. Mike wants me
up in the presidential suite
50
00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:24,610
to get a one-on-one thank-you
from the president.

51
00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:26,378
- How do I look?
- Great.

52
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:27,179
Thanks.

53
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:28,680
Oh, no, no, no.
One-on-one.

54
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:29,681
Oh, yeah, okay.

55
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:30,516
<i>( TV playing )</i>

56
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,151
Oh, man, election nights
are my cocaine.

57
00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:35,220
It used to be election nights and
cocaine were my cocaine, but...

58
00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:36,588
If Fox says it's close,
then it must be.

59
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:39,725
- Then again, they said the Rapture
was close. - Anything yet?

60
00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:42,327
Indiana and South Carolina,
they just called for O'Brien.

61
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:46,431
Uh, Vermont and Connecticut,
yep, they're for us.

62
00:02:46,433 --> 00:02:47,933
Yeah, Vermont!
Yeah, Connecticut!

63
00:02:47,935 --> 00:02:51,170
Okay, settle down. A bowl of
hair could win those states.

64
00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:53,939
- Ma'am, you have a moment for Jonah?
- Oh, Jonah. Oh, yeah.

65
00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:56,475
I want to thank you for
your work on men's health

66
00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:59,611
and talking about that bullying
that you had to endure.

67
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:00,879
Thank you, ma'am.
It was my honor...

68
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,314
You know what?
I need to thank Vermont.

69
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:03,916
Yeah, that's it, Jonah.
It's been a busy night.

70
00:03:03,918 --> 00:03:05,651
What was that?
I got, like, four seconds.

71
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:07,219
Well, most people get just two.

72
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:08,587
Projections
for Wisconsin, ma'am.

73
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:09,788
- Great.
- I haven't read them yet.

74
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,290
I'm saving that
for when I go to prison.

75
00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:12,658
Even money they give
you the chair.

76
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:15,194
No one came out of the
hearings unscathed, Bill.

77
00:03:15,196 --> 00:03:16,195
I had to ditch my fiancé.

78
00:03:16,197 --> 00:03:18,263
I'll be thinking about that
while I'm with whichever guy

79
00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:19,731
- makes me his prison fiancé.
- Ew.

80
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:23,802
Oh, Gary, I asked a friend to
come and be with me tonight.

81
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:25,537
- How nice.
- Yeah, Karen.

82
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:26,838
- Fuck!
- What?

83
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:27,739
Cramp.
( grunts )

84
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:31,343
Senator O'Brien has 33 electoral
votes based on our projection.

85
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:33,912
President Meyer has 10.
Is this significant, Dan?

86
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:36,848
Oh, I think it's far, far too
early to tell at this point.

87
00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,684
- I mean the election really...
- Very significant.

88
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:41,954
Uncertainty in battleground states
is bleeding into other areas.

89
00:03:41,956 --> 00:03:44,389
It's the suburbs that are
gonna decide this contest.

90
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,959
Well, Amy, Dan, who do you
feel will win tonight?

91
00:03:46,961 --> 00:03:48,227
- It's so close.
- So close.

92
00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:49,828
It's a tough call
to make at this point.

93
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,965
Mm-hmm, and not just for
us, Greg, but for America.

94
00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:55,000
That was transcendent
bullshitting.

95
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,235
Well, I'll tell you one thing,

96
00:03:56,237 --> 00:03:58,403
if I do lose, I'm gonna
lose like a winner.

97
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,439
- You're not gonna lose, okay?
- <i>Right. Right.</i>

98
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:03,308
You're gonna win in a slide.

99
00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:05,444
You know, marginally.

100
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:06,878
( knocks )

101
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,647
Oh, my God, look who's here!

102
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:12,017
- Hi, it's Karen.
- It's Karen.

103
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:13,785
- Hi.
- Hi.

104
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:16,455
- Everybody, Karen.
- Oh, hi, Tom.

105
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:19,291
Karen. Yeah, we met
at the convention.

106
00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:20,325
Okay.

107
00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:21,426
Tell me how you're doing.

108
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,629
Well, I'm trying
to stay positive.

109
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:24,930
We lost Oklahoma.

110
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,332
Which we were expected to, so...

111
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:28,400
It's only seven votes.
112
00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:30,335
- ( electricity pops ) - Ah!
These damn hotel carpets.

113
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:31,803
I keep getting that
static electric shock.

114
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:35,741
- You need one of those ionic bracelets
that grounds you. - Good call.

115
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:39,478
It's the prison toilet situation
which preys on one's mind.

116
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:43,015
Defecating in full view
of another man is unthinkable.

117
00:04:43,017 --> 00:04:46,818
Forgive me, Bill, but I don't
wish to ever discuss this.

118
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,587
Yeah, Bill, put a cork
in it, will you?

119
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:50,022
You know,
that actually may help.

120
00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:53,058
Hey, listen, how much
did you pay your lawyers?

121
00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:55,427
Because I lawyered up
for the hearings

122
00:04:55,429 --> 00:04:57,429
and they charged me 15 grand

123
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,831
and they only said words,
you know?
124
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,500
Shh!
There's a call coming.

125
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:03,468
He's like a Native
American tracker.

126
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:04,603
He can hear it in the wind.

127
00:05:04,605 --> 00:05:06,571
Senator O'Brien
is the predicted victor

128
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:09,574
- <i>in the great state of Minnesota.</i>
- Oh, fuck!

129
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:12,577
- <i>I thought that was ours.</i>
- I thought we had it.

130
00:05:12,579 --> 00:05:14,746
- I wasn't entirely sure.
- Ma'am.

131
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:16,581
- Shit.
- Excuse me for one second.

132
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:18,016
I'm not saying we will,
because we won't,

133
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:21,987
but if we do lose and you're an
outgoing president, you could...

134
00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,388
- I could pardon you?
- Yes.

135
00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:26,425
That wouldn't look good. You'd
be the first person to say that.
136
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:30,362
I'm not entirely sure
I would in this circumstance.

137
00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:33,532
- If there's any way... - Hey,
Bill, I got a lot on the line

138
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:34,533
with my presidency right now,

139
00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:38,870
so I don't really have time to be thinking
about your whatever the fuck it is.

140
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,439
- Probable imprisonment.
- Exactly.

141
00:05:40,441 --> 00:05:42,007
- Thank you, ma'am.
- You're welcome.

142
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,543
Kim: <i>What will you
do if O'Brien wins?</i>

143
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:47,012
Set up an office with Selina
at the Betty Ford Clinic?

144
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:50,716
No, I've applied
for a job outside.

145
00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:51,917
Politics bores me.

146
00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:54,953
It bores the living
hell out of me.

147
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:56,855
God, it's boring.

148
00:05:57,358 --> 00:05:59,825
Amy looks off her game,
distracted.

149
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:02,661
I only really know Amy as the
woman who rushed everywhere

150
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:06,131
clutching her phone like it
contained her frozen embryos.

151
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:07,099
She's a workaholic.

152
00:06:07,101 --> 00:06:10,602
Works frantically to avoid
dealing with her weird mix

153
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:13,105
of lack of self-worth
and narcissism.

154
00:06:13,107 --> 00:06:15,540
I really like her.

155
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:18,477
Uh, ma'am, I don't mean to be
the bearer of bad news, but...

156
00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:21,546
Called Wisconsin.
Projected as an O'Brien win.

157
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:24,049
That was the bad news, which
in the end I didn't bear.

158
00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:26,585
Well, this is certainly something
not many people saw coming.

159
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:30,689
For me, it's the domino that signals
an O'Brien victory tonight.

160
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:33,992
This is a big, big win
for O'Brien,

161
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:37,562
and I think the Meyer team
is gonna be feeling that.

162
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:38,997
The bigness.

163
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:39,698
Mm-hmm.

164
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:44,136
Amy, is the race already slipping
away from your former boss?

165
00:06:44,138 --> 00:06:44,970
No. No.

166
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:50,142
Um, a lot of the polls
have not closed yet.

167
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,944
So, no.
No, you know, it's no.

168
00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:57,182
I think O'Brien's gonna
win this election.

169
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,650
O'Brien can't be president.

170
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:01,086
He's still contracted
to be the KFC logo.

171
00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:02,921
- Eh...
- You're gonna win this, ma'am.

172
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,122
- I don't know.
- You are.

173
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:06,758
- You think you would have won?
- What do you mean?

174
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,927
If you had been the candidate,
you think you would have won?

175
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:12,497
- ( laughs ) - 'Cause that's
the speculation, you know.

176
00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:13,765
What do you think, Karen?

177
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,134
About something specific, or...?

178
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:19,671
Should the president and I
have swapped roles?

179
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:22,707
- For?
- For the election.

180
00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:24,075
This election. There's
an election going on.

181
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:28,146
Oh, well, you're asking me
a hypothetical question

182
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:31,149
and I need to answer it
as best I can.

183
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:33,852
Okay, well, you just did.

184
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:35,821
Great.
( laughs )

185
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:39,191
Amy, I saw
your instability on TV.

186
00:07:39,193 --> 00:07:40,225
Call me when you get this.

187
00:07:40,227 --> 00:07:43,829
Get someone else to dial
if you're in a straightjacket.

188
00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:45,964
Hey, I'm sending some
of our data to O'Brien.

189
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,099
If he wins this thing,
I need to kiss his ass.

190
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:49,568
Mm-hmm. I'm going.
I have to go.

191
00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:50,769
What?
No, you can't do that.

192
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,504
Yeah, no, I have to see
this play out with Selina.

193
00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:56,107
I've spent a third of my life
leading up to this night, so...

194
00:07:56,109 --> 00:07:57,809
Amy...

195
00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:01,546
Greg, I have to go.

196
00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:02,514
- You have to go?
- Yeah.

197
00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:03,915
What does that mean?
This is not summer camp.
198
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:06,852
Well, I just feel that
I'm needed elsewhere.

199
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:09,154
Oh, well, then please go.

200
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:12,891
Some of our viewers were complaining
that you're shrill anyway, so...

201
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:15,026
Oh, shrill? No, no,
I'm never shrill.

202
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:16,161
- And that's... oh!
- Oh.

203
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:18,029
And you're acting as though I'm
sounding shrill right now?

204
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:21,166
Yeah, yeah, keep making that
face implying that I'm shrill.

205
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,834
Hey, could someone
check the parking lot?

206
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,603
I think all the alarms
are going off.

207
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:25,837
Sorry for your loss, ma'am.

208
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:28,607
- I mean about Wisconsin, not a person.
- ( electricity pops )

209
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:29,641
Ow! Fuck!

210
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:32,077
I forgot. I have incompatible
shoes with the rug.

211
00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:33,178
- God.
- I'm so sorry.

212
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,914
We don't have a lot of good
news for President Meyer.

213
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,616
Screw this whole sloppy,

214
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:41,286
backseat blowjob of a night anyway.
I don't give a shit.

215
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:42,954
- Hang on.
- Hang on what?

216
00:08:42,956 --> 00:08:44,723
The Wisconsin call
has been rescinded.

217
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,057
You mean they went
back on the call?

218
00:08:46,059 --> 00:08:48,560
- Yes, hence my saying that they had.
- ( gasps )

219
00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:51,596
Rescinded is actually not a
word that's immediately clear.

220
00:08:51,598 --> 00:08:54,266
- This is a 360-degree turn.
- It's 180.

221
00:08:54,268 --> 00:08:57,936
Rescinded is my new favorite word!
( laughs )

222
00:08:57,938 --> 00:09:00,705
We are back in the game.
Back from the dead.

223
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,874
Zombies, bottom of the ninth.

224
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:03,842
Ma'am, listen to this.

225
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:06,811
Fox just called
Colorado for you.

226
00:09:06,813 --> 00:09:09,114
- No!
- Oh, my God!

227
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:10,949
( cheering, laughing )

228
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:13,652
Stand back, Meyer is on fire.

229
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,620
Look, look.
Mom, CNN has it, too.

230
00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:19,190
It appears that Matty's domino
is standing up straight again.

231
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:20,892
Obviously this is a shock

232
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,827
- and needs some unpacking.
- Mm-hmm.

233
00:09:22,829 --> 00:09:24,129
Oh, yeah, you better unpack it.

234
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:25,664
"Let's see if we
can unpack this now."

235
00:09:25,666 --> 00:09:28,266
"Oh, I've got
pubic hair on my head."

236
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:29,634
( laughing )

237
00:09:29,636 --> 00:09:31,836
The models are only as good as
the data that you put into them

238
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:33,338
and the data comes from
the polling companies.

239
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,607
So maybe we should talk to
them about what went wrong.

240
00:09:35,609 --> 00:09:38,076
- Your website is shit.
- Honest to God. Shit.

241
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:40,312
- It's shit.
- Go back to the Shire,

242
00:09:40,314 --> 00:09:42,981
- you fucking moonfaced hobbit.
- Yeah.

243
00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:46,885
You know, ma'am,
can we talk privately?

244
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,087
Oh, sure, yeah.

245
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:51,856
I'd like to think
that I have been

246
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:54,092
- some use to the campaign.
- You've been great.

247
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,594
I mean, you know,
everyone's like,

248
00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:58,263
"Oh, Tom James.
Ooh, it's Tom James.

249
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:03,168
He's so dreamy.
Sign my tits, Tom James."

250
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:08,707
Um, but anyway, so...
But you were saying?

251
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:09,374
Madam President,

252
00:10:09,376 --> 00:10:12,911
I don't want to be impotent.

253
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:14,312
I... I don't really...

254
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:17,649
- In your administration.
- Oh, right!

255
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,951
I have had this
very conversation.

256
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:23,054
You want to be first in,
last out of cabinet meetings.

257
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:27,659
- You want... - No, I want
to be treasury secretary.

258
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,828
- What?
- As well as veep.

259
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:33,331
You want to run my economy?

260
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:34,399
Bank of Tom James.

261
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:37,836
- I am bitterly disappointed...
- With respect...

262
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:39,304
- that you...
- With respect,

263
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:42,273
this administration was
coming apart at the seams

264
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:44,275
during those hearings
and I used six rolls

265
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:47,646
of Magic Tape to stick it
back together.

266
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:49,914
Anything else
you want to ask for?

267
00:10:49,916 --> 00:10:52,917
Want your face
on money or something?

268
00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:56,121
Want that TV?
Take it.

269
00:10:56,890 --> 00:11:00,025
Man on radio: <i>coming in, a low
voter turnout in Broward County.</i>

270
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:06,731
¶ It's a low turnout
in Broward County tonight ¶

271
00:11:06,733 --> 00:11:11,102
¶ Low turnout in
Broward County tonight. ¶

272
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,370
- Sing with me.
- No.

273
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:15,306
What's this... this job
you've applied for?

274
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,976
It's a big food corporation.
United Seasonings.

275
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:20,245
They supply 90%
of the country's paprika.

276
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:21,279
Yep, we lobbied for them,

277
00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,848
so my hands are dirty
with paprika money.

278
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,251
( chuckles ) I'll mention
how good you are to them.

279
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:27,419
No need, they already know.

280
00:11:27,421 --> 00:11:30,422
- That's right. - Man on radio:
<i>This election is too close to call.</i>

281
00:11:30,424 --> 00:11:32,190
¶ Too close to call ¶

282
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,458
¶ Too close to call ¶

283
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:36,127
¶ It's too close, baby,
yeah, too close... ¶

284
00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:38,730
It's unbelievable. It's
still impossible to call.
285
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:42,133
I've known sailors less likely
to go either way than this.

286
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,069
I... pardon my ribaldry.

287
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:46,337
- Hey, Illinois is still ours, isn't it?
- Yes.

288
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:49,074
- And Iowa called for O'Brien.
- Tom:<i> Fuck Iowa.</i>

289
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:51,242
I'd say nuke it, but I
think someone already did.

290
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:54,479
Pennsylvania's too close to call.
Florida's too close to call.

291
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:56,915
You might gather
the general trend

292
00:11:56,917 --> 00:11:58,183
is that it's too close to call.

293
00:11:58,185 --> 00:12:01,920
- The congressional results are
similarly tight. - ( rattling )

294
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:05,156
- Okay, you don't need to shake
that bag, all right? - Hmm?

295
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,058
Try chewing with your mouth closed.
See if that works.

296
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,327
All right, they're saying we're
gonna get a clearer picture
297
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,262
of this whole thing
in about an hour.

298
00:12:11,264 --> 00:12:12,497
God, I am so tense.

299
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,799
I could crack
a walnut in my ass.

300
00:12:14,801 --> 00:12:16,935
- Right, Mom, come with me.
- What?

301
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:19,070
Just get out of here until
this picture becomes clearer.

302
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,907
- Maybe have some mother-daughter time?
- Okay.

303
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,843
<i>( music finishes playing )</i>

304
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:26,077
<i>( applause )</i>

305
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:29,948
Everybody give it up
for Band of the Horses.

306
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:32,851
Wait, what?

307
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:33,785
Oh, Band...
Oh, I'm sorry.

308
00:12:33,787 --> 00:12:36,087
I'm sorry. Give it up
for Band of Horses.

309
00:12:36,089 --> 00:12:38,857
- Band of Horses.
- <i>( cheering, applause )</i>

310
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:42,193
I just want to say
thank you for supporting

311
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:43,928
the men's health campaign

312
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:48,032
and letting me tell guys that
they should feel themselves up.

313
00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:49,033
( audience laughs )

314
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:52,103
- Easiest job I ever had.
- ( laughing )

315
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:56,007
You guys remember my... you guys
remember my catchphrase, right?

316
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:57,475
Remember it?
Just to jog your memory.

317
00:12:57,477 --> 00:13:00,812
Just remember, check 'em,
don't neglect 'em.

318
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:03,114
Audience: Check 'em,
don't neglect 'em.

319
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:06,785
Nice. You guys remember
the A-Team, right?

320
00:13:06,787 --> 00:13:10,321
A-Team?
"I'm the A-Team."

321
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,423
Mr. T.
Um...
322
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:13,925
they were supposed
to be on the run,

323
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:18,062
but, you know, they were in
a really distinctive van.

324
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,499
Yeah, what was up...
What was up with that?

325
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:25,069
Feeling kind of
zen-ish, you know?

326
00:13:25,071 --> 00:13:27,906
I realize that there's
nothing more I can do.

327
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:29,174
Things are out of my control

328
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:32,544
and I just have to let
the tension go.

329
00:13:32,546 --> 00:13:33,545
<i>( knocks )</i>

330
00:13:33,547 --> 00:13:36,047
Get the fuck out of here, Kent.

331
00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:38,383
Kent:
<i>Apologies.</i>

332
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:40,185
I'm sorry about you and Jason.

333
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:44,189
I know that my job
can be hard on you

334
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:45,590
and that was a bit
of a bummer, huh?

335
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,292
- Yeah, just a little bit.
- Yeah.

336
00:13:47,294 --> 00:13:51,362
But like you said, I can't be
married to a lobbyist, so...

337
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:52,597
Yeah, and he was, like, 60.

338
00:13:52,599 --> 00:13:55,400
- He was 35.
- How did he take it?

339
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:59,404
It's hard to tell. He's not
really big on emotions.

340
00:13:59,406 --> 00:14:01,105
Mm-hmm.

341
00:14:01,107 --> 00:14:03,474
You know, Catherine,

342
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:07,445
men are horrible.

343
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:09,514
Okay?

344
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,915
I mean, I have to just

345
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:12,884
tell it to you
like it is, honey.

346
00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:18,590
But all men are awful.

347
00:14:18,592 --> 00:14:19,324
Really.
348
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:22,594
And the key
is to just find a man

349
00:14:22,596 --> 00:14:25,964
who's the least horrible.

350
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:27,232
Okay, Mom.

351
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:30,335
Oh, look at that photo
of you and me.

352
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:33,905
- You look like me in that picture.
- No.

353
00:14:33,907 --> 00:14:34,973
No, uh-uh.
Not at all.

354
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:37,108
- Yeah, a little bit...
- No, uh-uh.

355
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:40,345
- Oh.
- Oh, there's Daddy.

356
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:44,015
- Horrible.
- Mom.

357
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:46,451
Okay, I'm back.
How long was I gone?

358
00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:48,486
- About 20 minutes.
- Is that it?

359
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:51,022
God, it always seems
longer with Catherine.
360
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:53,358
All right, so what's
my destiny here?

361
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,292
Still unfathomable.

362
00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:57,262
Why can't the American
people make up their minds?

363
00:14:57,264 --> 00:15:00,298
I mean, how hard is it to
decide between two candidates?

364
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:02,967
- ( laughs )
- Oh, for fuck's sake.

365
00:15:02,969 --> 00:15:04,068
- Amy.
- Mike: Hey, Sue.

366
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,603
- Amy, nice to see you.
- Hi. Mmm.

367
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:09,407
I've got to get a little space
between Karen's mouth and my ears.

368
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,509
I'm gonna hit the soda machine.
Anybody want anything?

369
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:13,044
Just something with real sugar.

370
00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,380
No sweeteners
or I'll shit my pants.

371
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:18,016
- Welcome back.
- Thank you.

372
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:21,352
Ahem.

373
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:24,289
- Hello, ma'am.
- Oh, wow.

374
00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:26,157
TV's Amy Brookheimer.

375
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:28,593
I felt that I needed
to be here, ma'am.

376
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,461
We went through so much together
getting you here, so...

377
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:34,565
Pennsylvania results are about to come in.
They're about to call this.

378
00:15:34,567 --> 00:15:36,200
- So how is it...
- Shh.

379
00:15:36,202 --> 00:15:38,236
Pennsylvania called for O'Brien.

380
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:39,304
Oh, no way!

381
00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:42,307
- I said we should have gone back there.
- And you were right.

382
00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:45,276
- Why did you ever resign?
- It's hard to understand.

383
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,612
I think Pennsylvania is the
real significant call tonight.

384
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:52,050
Pennsylvania, you had that as a
Meyer win, is that right, Matty?
385
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,685
( stammering )
Yeah, uh... yes.

386
00:15:53,687 --> 00:15:56,120
That's, um...
Yes, we did.

387
00:15:56,122 --> 00:15:58,056
Can't predict everything
all the time, can you?

388
00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,357
Even though that is your job.

389
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,125
Greg: <i>Is this the end for
President Meyer, Dan?</i>

390
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:04,128
Well, I would not be surprised
if the president were thinking

391
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:08,232
about calling Senator O'Brien very
soon to concede this election.

392
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:09,367
What do experts know?

393
00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,703
Got O'Brien 267, us 207.

394
00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:15,373
If those are right, it looks
like he's got the election.

395
00:16:15,375 --> 00:16:18,609
These are projections.
These are not real results.

396
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:21,045
They're ghosts.

397
00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:24,248
You can't...
You can't concede.

398
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:28,386
I know you want to, but you
really, really shouldn't.

399
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:30,121
Or...

400
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,123
What?

401
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,493
I'm gonna concede.

402
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,528
I, uh...

403
00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:39,330
I don't see any point
in dragging this on.

404
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:43,634
And I'd like to have a little
bit of dignity in defeat.

405
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:47,038
So, um...

406
00:16:47,574 --> 00:16:49,474
I'm gonna call O'Brien.

407
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:52,276
This fucking job sucks anyway.

408
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:56,080
Please don't electrocute me.

409
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:04,222
( grunts )

410
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:09,327
( laughs )

411
00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:12,764
The next voice you hear
will be the president.

412
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,767
- Bill.
- <i>A fascinating night, ma'am.</i>

413
00:17:15,769 --> 00:17:20,238
Were you calling me for a
particular reason, Madam President?

414
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,673
I wanted to just start
by thanking you

415
00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:26,377
for conducting
a very dignified...

416
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:27,545
- ( phone chimes )
- Ben.

417
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,213
Ben: <i>Yeah, Mike,
Selina's conceding,</i>

418
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:34,652
so forget about the soda and
just grab a crate of whiskey.

419
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:38,289
Fuck.

420
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:42,293
- ( phone chimes )
- I know.

421
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,629
Time to turn that noose
back into a necktie, buddy.

422
00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:46,164
I got something
you're gonna want to hear.

423
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,199
Dan, there's nothing useful
you can tell me.

424
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,168
Pennsylvania was the wrong call.

425
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,402
We think it's gonna go Selina.

426
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:52,737
<i>Look, I have no idea how...</i>

427
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:55,673
No! Don't! Don't!
Stop the concession!

428
00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:58,209
So, Bill, I feel now
is the time to call you

429
00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:01,312
- and... - ( whispering ) Ma'am, don't.
No, no, no.

430
00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:05,583
Um, also another thing
I'd like to just mention...

431
00:18:05,585 --> 00:18:07,418
Uh, how's it going?

432
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,352
How's it going?

433
00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:09,821
<i>You and I are the only ones</i>

434
00:18:09,823 --> 00:18:11,656
sort of going through
the same thing

435
00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:13,491
and I just...
( gasps )

436
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:15,693
Ma'am, forgive me
for being direct,

437
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,428
but you're not conceding?

438
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:19,397
Um, no.
I don't know why

439
00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:22,400
you would even imagine that
I would be doing that, Bill.

440
00:18:22,402 --> 00:18:25,169
Greg: <i>people of Pennsylvania
go to Selina Meyer.</i>

441
00:18:25,171 --> 00:18:27,505
Yeah, I don't know
if you've seen this, Bill,

442
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:30,808
but they seem to have
called Pennsylvania for me.

443
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,276
Yes, I heard that.

444
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,745
I wonder if there's
anything that you

445
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:36,681
would like to say
to me right now.

446
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:40,785
I'm taking the White House.
Please leave the hot tub on.

447
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,787
I don't think so, my friend.

448
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:45,690
( laughing, cheering )
449
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:51,395
Sir, the crowd is getting restless.
The band has stopped playing.

450
00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:54,232
I've given them my best material
and we don't know what to do.

451
00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:55,666
We need to give them
a hit of political meth.

452
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,168
I think we should
send out Tom James.

453
00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:59,303
Uh, ma'am, would you
consider allowing Tom

454
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:00,571
to go out on the rally stage?

455
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:04,308
What? Uh, well, let's see.
First of all, no.

456
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:07,645
And then the other thing
I really wanted to say

457
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:09,847
was no.

458
00:19:09,849 --> 00:19:10,748
I'm hearing a no.

459
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:13,217
Jonah, sorry, the answer is...

460
00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:15,319
Oh, hello.

461
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,922
- What?
- Holy mother of moly.

462
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:21,826
- What is it? - Ma'am, Fox is
calling Washington State for us.

463
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:23,261
- Ben:<i> Yes!</i>
- ( gasps ) No!

464
00:19:23,263 --> 00:19:25,696
- They called Ohio.
- Oh, my God, that's amazing!

465
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:27,732
- Ben:<i> Ohio?</i>
- No, for O'Brien. I should have said.

466
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:31,369
- Oh, my God. - ABC is saying
it's still too close to call.

467
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:34,739
- Yeah.
- No, they're calling it now... O'Brien.

468
00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:36,807
- Shit!
- Fox again and Politico.

469
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:38,876
New Hampshire
to O'Brien and Ohio.

470
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:41,946
- Yes, we took Florida!
- Oh!

471
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:43,548
- That is extraordinary.
- Yes.

472
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,616
- What is my number now, Kent?
- Okay, one second.

473
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:46,884
- Tom: You're two... you're...
- What?

474
00:19:46,886 --> 00:19:50,188
- Yeah, you're 256.
- Ben: Kent, where does that leave us?

475
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,856
Okay, it all comes
down to Virginia.

476
00:19:51,858 --> 00:19:53,958
If O'Brien gets
Virginia, he wins.

477
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:57,361
- However, if we get Virginia...
- We win!

478
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,764
No, actually, Gary,
if we get it, we tie.

479
00:19:59,766 --> 00:20:00,765
- What?
- What?

480
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:04,969
I don't follow these things that closely,
but that's right, isn't it, Mr. Davison?

481
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:05,636
Yes.

482
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:08,339
Tie, like it's a tie?
You mean, we tie?

483
00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:11,576
- You do. - The real shock,
Greg, is where this leaves us.

484
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:13,778
Neck and neck if the
president takes Virginia.

485
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:15,980
Matty, you'll forgive me
if I sideline you here.

486
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:17,949
- Sure.
- Dan, you know the president well.

487
00:20:17,951 --> 00:20:22,220
What is going on in that Meyer
hotel suite right this second?

488
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:24,922
The president has a lot of top
minds working on her campaign.

489
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:26,224
They're gonna be all over this.

490
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,925
What happens when there's a tie?

491
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:31,429
Everybody goes online to try to find
out what happens if we get a tie.

492
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:34,532
Way ahead of you. Shit, I'm
just getting how to tie a tie.

493
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:38,736
Is there a book? Like an
old-fashioned... like a paper book?

494
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,338
Jesus Christ, you know?

495
00:20:40,340 --> 00:20:42,473
You do your best.
You try to serve the people

496
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:44,542
- and then they just fuck you over.
- Yeah.

497
00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:47,578
And you know why?
Because they're ignorant
498
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:48,846
and they're dumb as shit.

499
00:20:48,848 --> 00:20:51,382
And that, ladies and
gentlemen, is democracy.

500
00:20:51,384 --> 00:20:53,384
- God damn it.
- It's the 12th Amendment.

501
00:20:53,386 --> 00:20:56,721
- I have 20th Amendment.
- Why are there so many amendments?

502
00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:57,922
Get it right
the first time, people.

503
00:20:57,924 --> 00:21:00,858
It's actually both. 12th
is superseded by the 20th.

504
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:04,662
They give the House until January
20th to elect the president.

505
00:21:04,664 --> 00:21:08,733
Each state gets one vote. First
candidate to 26 is the new president

506
00:21:08,735 --> 00:21:10,268
and the Senate chooses the VP.

507
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:14,305
It's a close election with a ton
of House races too close to call.

508
00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:15,906
What happens if it's
a tie in the House?

509
00:21:15,908 --> 00:21:17,508
- Amy: Right.
- Is it a dance-off?
510
00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:19,410
Well, vice president-elect
becomes president.

511
00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:22,013
Whoever the Senate has picked
for VP will be president.

512
00:21:22,015 --> 00:21:23,781
- Wait, that means...
- That Tom...

513
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:27,785
- Tom: What?
- <i>could be the president.</i>

514
00:21:28,855 --> 00:21:30,288
Well, I...

515
00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:32,823
I had literally no idea.

516
00:21:34,594 --> 00:21:36,894
It's good to be prepared.

517
00:21:39,632 --> 00:21:40,831
So, wait.
So you mean that I...

518
00:21:40,833 --> 00:21:45,636
I might lose this election
to my fucking vice president?

519
00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:48,306
At least it'd be somebody
from our team, ma'am.

520
00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:50,741
I mean, that's good, right?

521
00:21:50,743 --> 00:21:52,943
( crying )

522
00:21:52,945 --> 00:21:55,980
I didn't mean to make her cry.
523
00:21:58,451 --> 00:21:59,850
( crying continues )

524
00:21:59,852 --> 00:22:02,019
- There, there.
- ( sobbing )

525
00:22:02,021 --> 00:22:04,889
Oh, it's gonna be okay.

526
00:22:06,092 --> 00:22:08,859
- She's going down.
- She's going down.

527
00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:11,095
Don't touch her.

528
00:22:14,467 --> 00:22:17,368
- Yeah?
- Sir, I'm sorry to contact you directly,

529
00:22:17,370 --> 00:22:18,636
but the crowd
is drooling for you.

530
00:22:18,638 --> 00:22:20,004
Yep, floor is wet out here.

531
00:22:20,006 --> 00:22:23,607
- Okay, great. Thank you. - ( crowd
chanting ) Tom James! Tom James!

532
00:22:23,609 --> 00:22:25,710
I'm gonna go rally the rally.

533
00:22:25,712 --> 00:22:27,778
With all due respect,

534
00:22:27,780 --> 00:22:30,481
you need to get your shit
together now, lady.

535
00:22:30,483 --> 00:22:34,685
Ma'am up. You're still the
leader of the free world.
536
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:37,088
Hmm?

537
00:22:38,658 --> 00:22:39,557
Where's Tom?

538
00:22:39,559 --> 00:22:42,893
Oh, he's gone to talk
to the crowd at the rally.

539
00:22:42,895 --> 00:22:44,862
- What?
- The fuck he has.

540
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:46,030
Why would you let him do that?

541
00:22:46,032 --> 00:22:48,833
- Well, you don't work here.
- Well, neither do you.

542
00:22:48,835 --> 00:22:51,102
All right, fuck all of you.
I'm going to the rally.

543
00:22:51,104 --> 00:22:53,437
Ma'am, ma'am, that would
be unprecedented.

544
00:22:53,439 --> 00:22:56,140
No, I'll tell you
what's unprecedented, Kent.

545
00:22:56,142 --> 00:22:58,442
A tie is unprecedented.

546
00:22:58,444 --> 00:23:00,378
So is becoming
the first lady president.

547
00:23:00,380 --> 00:23:05,015
So is that jackoff becoming
president through the back door.

548
00:23:05,017 --> 00:23:07,451
Okay? The rule book's
been torn up now

549
00:23:07,453 --> 00:23:12,123
and America is wiping
its nasty ass with it.

550
00:23:12,825 --> 00:23:14,592
Get the fuck out of my way!

551
00:23:14,594 --> 00:23:17,995
- Ma'am! Ma'am!
- Let's go.

552
00:23:19,966 --> 00:23:22,433
( chanting )
Tom James! Tom James!

553
00:23:22,435 --> 00:23:26,003
Tom James!
( cheering )

554
00:23:29,842 --> 00:23:31,008
Thank you.

555
00:23:31,010 --> 00:23:32,943
Okay, I admit,
this isn't boring.

556
00:23:32,945 --> 00:23:35,613
Why make the total of electoral
votes an even number?

557
00:23:35,615 --> 00:23:39,116
- Insanity?
- Listen, I know this is a long night.

558
00:23:39,118 --> 00:23:41,685
You're tired and you're cold
and your legs ache

559
00:23:41,687 --> 00:23:43,754
and you need the bathroom.

560
00:23:43,756 --> 00:23:46,157
Boy, do you need the bathroom.

561
00:23:46,159 --> 00:23:47,491
( laughing )

562
00:23:47,493 --> 00:23:48,926
That fucking guy

563
00:23:48,928 --> 00:23:51,796
with his fucking charm
and his fucking son

564
00:23:51,798 --> 00:23:55,733
and his fucking wheelchair
with his spine all fucked up.

565
00:23:55,735 --> 00:23:59,170
My grandmother survived
the Dust Bowl.

566
00:23:59,172 --> 00:24:02,673
And before she died
at the age of 89,

567
00:24:02,675 --> 00:24:06,177
she told me a secret
that she kept

568
00:24:06,179 --> 00:24:07,812
for almost 50 years.

569
00:24:07,814 --> 00:24:08,746
The story concerns...

570
00:24:08,748 --> 00:24:11,782
Ladies and gentlemen, Tom James.

571
00:24:11,784 --> 00:24:15,586
- How about it?
- ( cheering )

572
00:24:15,588 --> 00:24:18,956
Thank you.
Thank you.

573
00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:21,459
Thank you.
Wow.
574
00:24:21,461 --> 00:24:23,961
Do I know how
to pick 'em? Yep.

575
00:24:23,963 --> 00:24:28,032
Well, thank you so much
for being here.

576
00:24:28,034 --> 00:24:29,600
I know it's been a wait.

577
00:24:29,602 --> 00:24:33,037
And we really do
appreciate your presence.

578
00:24:33,039 --> 00:24:35,206
What a night, right?

579
00:24:35,208 --> 00:24:38,542
It's the night of nights.

580
00:24:40,546 --> 00:24:42,246
Um, you know what I want to do?

581
00:24:42,248 --> 00:24:46,116
I want to introduce you
to the First Daughter

582
00:24:46,118 --> 00:24:47,751
of the United States,

583
00:24:47,753 --> 00:24:52,256
my daughter
Catherine Selina Meyer.

584
00:24:52,258 --> 00:24:55,526
- Catherine.
- ( cheering )

585
00:24:55,528 --> 00:24:56,694
Always a delight to have...

586
00:24:56,696 --> 00:24:59,697
She is such a beautiful girl.
I'm so proud of her.
587
00:24:59,699 --> 00:25:03,267
Well, we have another minute or so
before we're prepared to call Virginia.

588
00:25:03,269 --> 00:25:05,269
Just checking
a couple of precincts.

589
00:25:05,271 --> 00:25:07,605
We've made some premature
calls this evening.

590
00:25:07,607 --> 00:25:11,275
<i>So we're anxious to be
absolutely certain this time.</i>

591
00:25:11,277 --> 00:25:14,612
Why don't we meet
some of the people

592
00:25:14,614 --> 00:25:16,814
who lift me up?

593
00:25:16,816 --> 00:25:18,148
I'd like you to meet them.

594
00:25:18,150 --> 00:25:21,585
Guys, come on out.
How about these great faces?

595
00:25:21,587 --> 00:25:23,854
Incredible scenes.
Never happened before.

596
00:25:23,856 --> 00:25:26,590
Very emotional moment. Dan,
do you wish you were there?

597
00:25:26,592 --> 00:25:28,826
I'm sure it's a very
exciting place to be at.

598
00:25:28,828 --> 00:25:31,061
There's never been
an election like this.

599
00:25:31,063 --> 00:25:31,795
No.

600
00:25:31,797 --> 00:25:33,797
You must want to be there.

601
00:25:33,799 --> 00:25:36,534
Folks, you don't know her,
but this is Karen Collins.

602
00:25:36,536 --> 00:25:41,171
And she has been a friend
of mine for a while.

603
00:25:41,173 --> 00:25:42,172
Yep.

604
00:25:42,174 --> 00:25:44,108
And Amy Brookheimer is here.

605
00:25:44,110 --> 00:25:49,647
Amy Brookheimer who so
successfully ran my campaign

606
00:25:49,649 --> 00:25:51,315
until she became unwell.

607
00:25:51,317 --> 00:25:55,586
I'll tell you somebody else
that is not here tonight

608
00:25:55,588 --> 00:25:57,021
<i>who was with the campaign...</i>

609
00:25:57,023 --> 00:25:58,322
Sounds like it could
be you, Dan.

610
00:25:58,324 --> 00:26:00,324
Well, I would be
incredibly touched.

611
00:26:00,326 --> 00:26:03,561
<i>And that is, of course,
Leslie Kerr.</i>

612
00:26:03,563 --> 00:26:05,262
I'm sure Leslie
is thanking you, too.

613
00:26:05,264 --> 00:26:08,299
And I'm hearing we can now
project a Virginia result.

614
00:26:08,301 --> 00:26:10,935
- Dan, what is that projection?
- Thank you, Greg.

615
00:26:10,937 --> 00:26:13,837
CNN is prepared to make
the following projection

616
00:26:13,839 --> 00:26:17,608
that Virginia,
with its 13 electoral votes,

617
00:26:17,610 --> 00:26:20,210
<i>is a win for President Meyer.</i>

618
00:26:20,212 --> 00:26:21,679
( cheering )

619
00:26:21,681 --> 00:26:23,881
Dan:
<i>This election is a tie.</i>

620
00:26:27,153 --> 00:26:29,720
We did it!

621
00:26:29,989 --> 00:26:34,959
We have one more hurdle
to overcome.

622
00:26:34,961 --> 00:26:37,027
And we shall overcome.

623
00:26:37,029 --> 00:26:39,997
<i>One more river to cross.</i>

624
00:26:39,999 --> 00:26:43,634
One more mountain to climb.

625
00:26:43,636 --> 00:26:47,237
But I have been
to the mountaintop.

626
00:26:48,808 --> 00:26:50,841
Thank you.

627
00:26:57,617 --> 00:26:59,683
- I don't know what to do.
- We don't do anything.

628
00:26:59,685 --> 00:27:02,987
- You do what you have to do.
- Yeah, I'm getting drunk.

629
00:27:02,989 --> 00:27:04,722
Hey, Dan, when you get this,

630
00:27:04,724 --> 00:27:07,391
can you put in a good word
for me with Greg?

631
00:27:07,393 --> 00:27:09,893
I think that I need
to keep my TV work going.

632
00:27:09,895 --> 00:27:13,631
Okay, you're gonna win. And if
you don't, I'll kill myself.

633
00:27:13,633 --> 00:27:15,633
Kent, what happens next?
You've got to know.

634
00:27:15,635 --> 00:27:17,167
No, I'm afraid not.
Some of these House races,

635
00:27:17,169 --> 00:27:19,937
- they're still too close to call.
- What does that mean?

636
00:27:19,939 --> 00:27:22,072
Well, presently, we
cannot predict the result

637
00:27:22,074 --> 00:27:23,807
of the vote in Congress
on January 20.

638
00:27:23,809 --> 00:27:26,110
- We're in a kind of purgatory.
- Welcome to my world.

639
00:27:26,112 --> 00:27:28,879
- Can you stop thinking about
yourself for one second? - Honestly.

640
00:27:28,881 --> 00:27:32,116
No, because I'm going to prison.
Have I mentioned that?

641
00:27:32,118 --> 00:27:34,351
- So what are we gonna do here?
- Should we drop the balloons?

642
00:27:34,353 --> 00:27:37,287
- No, no balloons.
- Maybe just drop half of them?

643
00:27:37,289 --> 00:27:39,256
- No!
- Why do we even have balloons?

644
00:27:39,258 --> 00:27:43,127
Ma'am, I seriously
overstepped the mark

645
00:27:43,129 --> 00:27:46,063
going out onstage.
That was a fuck-up.

646
00:27:46,065 --> 00:27:46,897
Yeah, I'll say.

647
00:27:46,899 --> 00:27:50,100
You might want to watch that
if you become president.

648
00:27:50,102 --> 00:27:52,169
If that does happen,

649
00:27:52,171 --> 00:27:53,937
want to be my veep?
650
00:27:53,939 --> 00:27:56,073
( scoffs )

651
00:27:56,442 --> 00:27:59,443
Why don't you go help them
with the balloons?

652
00:28:00,746 --> 00:28:02,680
Copy that.