Jenna Mazur

Monastery Voices
Contemplative Journal – spring 2017

January 31 (in-class): The last time I can recall being by myself without using
any sort of technology while I was awake was about a week ago. Whenever I feel
overwhelmed, I take a long shower with no music, no phone, and even only a candle
as a source of light. This leaves me alone with only my thoughts and allows me to
reflect about why I am feeling stressed or overwhelmed and what I can do to
overcome this feeling. This only lasted about 40 minutes but it was enough time for
me to feel better. I was able to focus on myself and nothing else which I find very
hard to do with so many intriguing distractions all around. I don’t purposely set
aside time to do things like this in my fast-paced, technology filled life, but I do
enjoy when I am able to do things like this.
February 2 (reflection): My name is Jenna Mazur and I am a sophomore here at
Loras. I play on the volleyball team here and have been playing since I was in 4th
grade. Getting in the gym with my team is my best stress reliever. Personality wise,
I tend to come of timid and shy however, my friends would say differently. In the
classroom, I am studying Biology in hopes of becoming either a Physician’s
Assistant or Medical Laboratory Scientist. Obviously, I am very interested in the
science behind our body and associated functions but I am also interested and
intrigued by spiritual well-being. I do not consider myself to be very religious
however, I do consider myself to be a spiritual person. I have deep beliefs in the
benefits of self-reflection and taking the time in our busy, technology dominated
society to only be alone with our thoughts. Outside of school and volleyball I enjoy
spending my time outdoors whether it be hiking, biking, boating, snowboarding,
walking my dogs, or just sitting and reading on a nice day. If I could do so, I would
spend my life travelling and exploring new places, peoples and cultures.
February 2 (reading reflection): I chose to reflect on the first passage on page
38. The passage is as follows: “Prayer lies at the heart of monastic life. The
monastic traditions embraced by the community at New Melleray Abbey- and by the
Cistercian Trappist monks throughout the world- are rooted in community prayer
and silent contemplative, meditative prayer. The rhythm of the monastic
community is a balance of prayer, reflective reading of Scripture and manual labor,
each undertaken in an atmosphere of silence, solitude and self-sufficiency” (This
One Dear Place). I chose this passage because I identified a lot of my own values in
this passage- although, I am not a monk. This first sentence talks about traditions
and community of the New Melleray Abbey and Cistercian Trappist monks. I
believe being a part of a community is important for self-development, especially as
young adults trying to find where they belong in the “big picture” of life. Finding
those who have the same ideals and morals as you is how you truly become your
best self, in my opinion. The passage as a whole talks greatly about the importance
of prayer as well. While it may not be in the form of prayer, I also believe greatly in
self-reflection. This allows you to think about either the good or bad in your life and
grow from there. Constantly developing yourself. The last word in this passage is
what I related to the most: self-sufficiency. I like to think of myself as an
independent person and believe that I am this way because I always felt as though I
belonged to the different communities in my life and I took time to self-reflect.
Jenna: An excellent start to the Contemplative Journal! I like what you say about
being a spiritual person though not a religious person, and how self-reflection plays
a large role in that. Very insightful, and I completely agree! I also like the way you
apply the concept of community from the reading about New Melleray and apply it
to your own life. That is exactly the kind of thing we will be focusing on in the
upcoming weeks. 6 points of 6. – Kevin Koch
February 7 (reflection): This week, I found myself in my room and alone in
silence for the first time in a while. Reflecting on my day and the following week I
found myself begin to think of my family. My Dad, younger sister, and myself all
have birthday in the past week/coming week. I found myself missing the small
celebrations we would do as a family when were all home. My family is very
important to me. We are a tight unit and really treasure the moments we have
together. Recently my family took a road trip to Colorado to surprise my older
brother for his 30th birthday. I realized that this is the first time my whole family
(both parents, older brother, older sister, younger sister, and myself) have all been
in the same room in over 2 years as my brother lives in Colorado and the rest of my
family lives in Illinois/Wisconsin area. This thought lead me to start reflecting on
the last time I visited my brother in Colorado. I climbed Mount Bierstadt, my first
14er (mountain that reaches or exceeds 14,000ft elevation). I can remember how the
crisp wind felt, all I could see was clouds and mountains, how it was probably the
first time I didn’t hear everyone’s phones buzzing or ringing. I find a lot of peace in
the mountains and can see myself living there at some point in my life. As I write
this reflection is feels like my mind was bouncing around from many different topics
in my short time of reflection. However, maybe it’s not as jumpy as I think. Maybe I
find this same sort of peace that I find in the mountains when I am with my family.
February 7 (reading reflection): I chose to reflect on a passage from the rules of
St. Benedict. The passage is as follows: “The Abbot out always to remember what is
he and what he is called, and to know that whom much hath been entrusted, from
him much will be required; and let him understand what a difficult and arduous
task he assumeth in governing souls and accommodating himself to a variety of
characters. Let him so adjust and adapt himself to everyone- to one gentleness of
speech, to another by reproofs, and to still another by entreaties to each on
according to his bent and understanding—that he not only suffer no loss in his
flock, but may rejoice in the increase of a worthy fold”. Although my responsibilities
do not compare to that of an Abbot, I personally related this passage to coaching. I
recently began coaching a volleyball team of 12 year old girls. Before committing to
this, I was warned that this would not be the easiest task for the group of girls was
not “very athletic”. However, I decided that I was up for the challenge. And a
challenge it is. I knew I had always wanted to coach but never really thought about
the responsibilities that came with the job. At the beginning of the passage it talks
about how the Abbot is trusted figure among the monks. As a coach, I also feel like I
am a trusted figure to these girls. The girls and the parents trust me to coach them
to the best of my abilities, keep them safe from injury when they are in our care,
and to always be a reliable source to them. The passage also mentions that the
Abbot must adjust and adapt himself to everyone. Not every child likes to be
coached the same way and now that I am a coach, I must learn to rethink every
small detail that I have been taught about the game in order for 10 individuals to
learn them. However, so far it has been one of the most rewarding experiences for
me. In relation to the course, this rule suggests that the monks must have some sort
of figure two look up to, as they do with God.
February 14 (reading reflection): This week, I chose to reflect on a passage
found in Wisdom Distilled from the Daily by Joan Chittister. Not only does this
passage relate to the upcoming holiday, Valentine’s Day, but also my own life. The
passage reads: “Community, the Rule reminds us, is to be built on “chaste” love, on
love that does not use or exploit the other, on love that can give without requiring
equal payment in return, on love that is not based on gratification of the self. And
that is exactly why the Benedictine spirituality of community is not for celibates
alone. … Real monastic celibacy, though, is human love that points to a greater
love.” (pg. 43-44). While this passage may be interpreted as romantic love and
relationships, I think it can also be applied to any relationship you have in your life.
The relationships I have made in the last year have really showed me what type of
people I would like to have in my life. Those who can love with requiring equal
payment in return and those whose love is not based on gratification of themselves.
These people are selfless and make me want to be the type of friend they are to me.
Once again, the importance of community to the monastic lifestyle is brought up. So
far, this seems to be a common theme among all the readings we have done this
semester. At the beginning of the semester when we were doing word association, I
can remember thinking that community was kind of a silly thing to associate with
monks because of their silent lifestyle. However, I the readings seem to be proving
me wrong. The book as a whole so far can be a bit repetitive, but I think this is only
because Chittister is very passionate about the Rule of Benedict and applying
monastic life outside the monastery.
February 16 (reflection): Personally, mornings are always very hectic. Instead of
waking up early so I can relax sipping my coffee, taking my time getting ready, and
enjoying the morning. Instead, I always end up lying in bed until the very last
minute so I have to rush out of the door still pouring my coffee in my travelling mug
and toothbrush basically still hanging out of my mouth. These bad habits also mean
that if I want to get to class on time, I need to be in a dead sprint across campus.
The other morning when I was participating in my usual morning chaos, I realized
that I had left my gym shoes in my volleyball locker in the AWC. This meant that I
had to rush even more to get my shoes before I went to class. I ended up leaving my
room with plenty of time after I got my shoes. While walking to class, I realized that
no one else was in sight. Only me. During this walk, I realized that I don’t think I
have ever walked around campus and not seen anyone while I was out and it was
very peaceful. Surprisingly, since this seemingly annoying morning, I have been
waking up with enough time to walk by myself and not have to rush. I can’t 100%
say that I am going to doing this every single morning for the rest of my life, but I
have found that my once hectic mornings, have become quite calm in comparison to
before.
Jenna: An excellent continuation to the Journal! I can definitely relate to your
reflection about rarely having your entire family together. As we have become
empty-nesters, it is becoming more and more rare that all of our grown children are
with us at the same time. – Excellent association of the role of an abbot with the
role of a girls volleyball (especially when they’re “not very athletic” ). Very
insightful as to needing to respond to their different personalities differently, trying
to motivate them to perform better while not squashing their enthusiasm, etc.
Great training for leadership in any field, actually! - Finally, a fine discussion of
your early morning routines, and finding a way to (sometimes) have a more
leisurely walk across campus, etc. -- I’d also like you to start trying some of the
reflective prompts from the CJ assignment handout, too. 8 points of 8. – Kevin
Koch
February 21 (reading reflection): This week, I am responding to a passage from
Joan Chittister. The passage is as follows: “No life is to be so busy that there is not
time to take stock of it. No day is to be so full of business that the gospel dare
intrude. No schedule is to be so tight that there is no room for reflection on whether
what is being done is worth doing at all. No work should be so time-consuming that
nothing else can ever get in: not my husband, not my wife, not my hobbies, not my
friends, not nature, not reading, not prayer” (pg 105). I think it very common for
people to say that there aren’t enough hours in the day or that they’re constantly
too busy. Although I think it is good for people to be busy and be productive, I do
think every person in American should let this passage resonate with them as I did.
Chittister is trying to make the point that no matter how busy or chaotic your life
may be, there should always be time for reflection and contemplation, as the monks
do.
February 23 (reflection): The Monastery: Our Lady of the Mississippi is a
documentary about 5 women who are seeking something more out of life that have
decided to turn to the monastery for guidance and enlightenment. Each of the
women shared struggles as well. The Abbess explains that the change in culture
and lifestyle will be abrupt at first, but that through silence, reflection, and prayer,
they will all find something in the monastery. Whether it is what they were looking
for or not.
One of the subjects in this movie is Sarah. She was a happy, jewelry
entrepreneur and had a happy life in South Africa. Now, she is a divorcee and
struggling with her failed business. She entered the monastery in hopes of finding
herself again. She compare herself to a fire-poppy, a plant that grows after a fire
has wiped out the land before it. Her mentor explains to her that she needs to let go
of the external things in her life. In the middle of the film, she has an emotional
realization that she needs to move back to the states to be with the people she loves
and loves her; her family. Her biggest struggle was with humility. However, during
her time at the monastery she has come to terms with her life and her struggle and
is ready to start anew. In the hardest time of her life, she has found warmth and
sense of belonging at the monastery.
Another subject is Katie. Katie is a 23 year old researcher at Stanford
University. She says she has lost her faith as she has been studying neuroscience.
Her hope is to be able to reconcile religion and science. At the beginning of their
journey, she does not adjust to the monastic lifestyle. Breaking rules and not being
able to conform to the monastic lifestyle, Katie strongly considers why she deciding
to go through this process in the first place. She strongly struggles with not having
a romantic life and not being able to release these tensions as well as obedience.
After the session about making icons, she states that she finally understands the
monastic life. She comes to the realization how her actions affect those around her,
embracing herself find community.
 Sheila is the third of the five subjects. She is a 62 year old widow and retired
psychologist for transgendered individuals who were negatively affected by
organized religion. Her husband also had very strong feelings against organized
religion. She sought out the monastery in hopes to get rid of the burden and anger
she has with organized religion. She easily begins to conform to the monastic
lifestyle; enjoying the silence and focusing on what was before her. She also talks
highly of enjoying the prayers and singing in church, although not completely sold
on organized religion. After speaking with one of the sisters, she begins to
understand some of the components of religion. After being at The Monastery, she
was inspired to go back to work as a psychologist. The sisters’ work ethic and
dedication to their work inspired her to continue practicing.
Overall, all of the women came to the monastery because they were lost in their
everyday lives. Each in their own unique ways, they found enlightenment. Some
within the community, some within themselves. The abbess explains that through
reflection, prayer, and contemplation all of the subjects have found a sense of
balance.

February 28 (reflection): (variation of prompt 3) I recently moved rooms on

campus. Once I had finished unpacking, which seemed to take forever, I decided to
fill my blank walls with old and new pictures. As I went through all the pictures I
found myself reflecting on the memories behind those pictures. Pictures at my lake
house during my childhood, family weddings, high school graduation, volleyball
matches, vacations, etc. If I were to close my eyes, I could picture each of these
memories life they were yesterday. One of my favorite pictures is from a volleyball
match my freshman year. They pure joy and happiness expressed on all of my
teammates faces is something that gives me goosebumps if when I think about. It’s
crazy to me to think that such different individuals can have the relationship we
have. Another one of my favorite pictures is a picture of all of my siblings and
myself fishing at our lake house when we were younger. Many of my favorite
childhood memories are from days with my family like that. The quote “a picture is
worth a thousand words” had never felt more true.
March 2 (reading reflection): I had no preconceived notions about Thomas
Merton, I honestly had not heard of him until this class. However, after watching
the film, it is very easy to tell that his personality didn’t exactly fit that of a
traditional monk. He spoke his mind and wrote on controversial topics. Before
joining the Abbey of Gethsemani, he lived in many different places and struggled
with the death of his parents, effecting many of his relationships. He then began to
turn to literature and quickly fell in love with it. In his college career, he struggled
to find himself. His behaviors would never have hinted that he would join the
monastery in 1941. His biggest contribution may have been his work in inter-faith
harmony. The unity he preached reconciled with many as each person could
interpret it to whatever situation in their life. He was quoted saying: “Our job is to
love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy. That is not
our business and, in fact, it is nobody’s business. What we are asked to do is to love,
and this love itself will render both ourselves and our neighbors worthy”.
March 7 (reflection): Today I was feeling extremely stressed and overwhelmed
with school and work so I went and did what I do whenever I feel this way (weather
permitting); I went for a run at Swiss Valley Nature Park. Normally, I run with
headphones because, personally, listening to music makes it easier for me to focus
on something else besides my heavy breathing. But, I choose to not listen to music,
to try something new; instead of forgetting my stress, reflecting on it. I was
pleasantly surprised that not only did I enjoy my run more and feel less stressed,
but I even was able to run further that I normally do. By reflecting, I was more
focused on myself opposed to the lyrics of a random song. When I got back in the car
to go back home, I thought I would do the same thing. No music. Just a small crack
in the window to let some fresh air in. Even when I was sitting in busy
intersections, my mind was quiet, which is a very rare occasion!
March 9 (reading reflection): This week I choose to reflect on a passage from an
excerpt from The Seven Story Mountain by Thomas Merton. The passage reads:
“With the white woolen habit on me, I had ceased to be a stranger—or at least a
complete stranger. And that is the first thing you have to cease to be when you
enter a Cistercian community. For there is no cohesion more close and more intense
than that of a house full of Trappist’s. A Cistercian monastery is, in a very real
sense, a family. And to live in it according to the Cistercian Rule and vocation, that
is, according to God’s will, you simple have to become one flesh, one undivided
organism with all the rest of the people there”. In this passage, Merton is trying to
paint a clear picture about the sense of community and family within the
monastery. Personally, I relate this to volleyball. I know I have journaled about this
topic and related so many passage back to it, but I think that just shows the
importance I place on it. Also, I think it shows how much our team emphasizes the
same sense of family and belonging that the monks do in the monastic community.
Specifically, the last sentence where Merton talks about being “one flesh, one
undivided organism” is especially true. We have recently began our spring season
and during the short time we have together our coach is trying to make large strides
in showing us how much importance we should put on our sense of community. We
take 5 minutes at the end of every practice and reflect on any given topic.
Sometimes it’s about volleyball and sometimes it’s just about life. However, we
always come together in partners or small groups and talk about our reflection. One
thing I have noticed is that we never end up talking about the original topic we
were given… similar to my journal reflections. 

Jenna: An excellent continuation of the CJ! Good discussion of the people from the Mississippi
Abbey film. It leads one to wonder how long most people could handle the monastic life,
whether doing so for a short period would be beneficial to most people. And short of that, the
Chittister quote you discuss, that there is no life so busy that there is no time for reflection.
(Good pick-up that Americans are particularly bad at this!) I like your discussion of the
photographs from your dorm room. That would be an interesting exercise for anyone: what is
the story behind every photo or wall hanging on one’s walls. (Mine would take a while to
tell....Two of my children are artists!) – Finally, fine entry on your silent run. I usually take a
morning walk around or before sunrise. Most days I listen to music, too, but every once in a
while I just let my thoughts do the talking. -- 12 points of 12. – Kevin Koch

March 14 (reflection): As I stated in previous journals, in volleyball practice we

have begun taking 5 minutes to reflect. These reflections can be based on practice,
school, or life in general. Last Sunday, our coach gave us the following prompt to
reflect on: “When were you your best self and when were you not”. After thinking
about it for some time, I realized that my not best self and brought out my best self.
I was driving to coach at my final club volleyball tournament of the weekend and I
was complaining about having other things to do that day and wishing for the
tournament to go by fast so I could focus on myself. As the day went on, I saw how
much fun the girls were having and how much joy being able to play volleyball with
all their friends brings them. In this moment, I realized that by being their coach I
am allowing them to have these experiences. I wouldn’t still love the game of
volleyball like I do now if it weren’t for the coaches I had in the past that brought
me where I am today. The rest of the day, I cleared my head of other distractions
and just had fun coaching the game I love to the group of girls who have made the
coaching experience such a positive one for me.
March 16 (reading reflection): This week I chose to reflect on a passage from The
Intimate Merton. The passage is as follows: “Looking at the crucifix on the white
wall of St. Anne’s- overwhelmed at the realization that I am a priest, that it has
been given to me to know something of what the Cross means, that St. Anne’s is a
special part of my priestly vocation: the silence, the woods, the sunlight, the
shadows, the picture of Jesus, Our Lady of Cobre, and the little angels in Fra
Angelico’s paradise. Here I am, a priest with all the world as my parish. Or is it a
temptation, the thought of this? Perhaps I do not need to remember the apostolic
fruitfulness of this silence” (pg 111). In this journal entry, we see Merton
contemplating his vocation. This is a continuous struggle for him throughout his
journals entries. I think this is something that everyone can relate to, but especially
young adults. Some can go into college and know exactly what they want to do with
their future and some leave college still unsure of their future plans. This is
something that I know I struggle with at least. It is easy to say you want something
for your life but it isn’t so easy getting there. I think both Merton and young adults
everywhere need to have a realization of the ‘gut feeling’. This is something that I
always struggle with but when I get the ‘gut feeling’ I know I just have to go with it.
If it is not was is intended for me, then life will take me on a different path.
March 21 (reading reflection): The passage I have chosen to reflect on is from
The Intimate Merton; journal entry form February 17, 1966. The passage is as
follows: “This is man’s mission! The earth cannot feel all this. We must. We are
absent from the wedding feast. There are moments of great loneliness and lostness
in solitude, but often there come other deeper moments of hope and understanding,
and I realize that these would not be possible in their purity, their simple secrets
directions, anywhere but in solitude. I hope to be worth of them!” In this passage,
Merton explains the ups and downs he finds in solitude. However, throughout the
novel, it seems like Merton finds who he is through silence and solitude. After this
passage, he has another journal entry that is solely dedicated to watching five dear
by his hermitage. Merton makes it very clear that he is able to find God in these
small, silent, everyday acts in nature.
March 23 (reflection): This past week, my parents called me to tell me that my
grandparents had sold their lake house up in Michigan. I was saddened by the
news, as many of my favorite childhood memories were made there. This house had
been in our family since my Dad was my age… so a VERY long time! I found myself
reflecting on the memories made there. My favorite time of year to go up to
Michigan was the Fourth of July. My whole family would be there, enjoying the
weather, hanging out on the boat, taking many, many trips to the gas station to get
more gas to fill up the boat and jet-skis and fill the coolers with ice. And at night,
after the fireworks, laying the basement with all of my cousins and family friends
watching old VHS tapes of them goofing around when they were college kids.
Another one of my favorite memories took place in the winter. We would go up there
occasionally in the winter to make sure the house was alright and just to get away
for a little. We used to attach a mini plastic kiddy pool to the back of snowmobile
and my Dad would take us “tubing” in the cornfield across from our house. Although
I will miss the house, the memories I have made there will last a lifetime. And I
hope the next owners appreciate it as much as we did.
Jenna: Excellent discussions! The reflective activity that your coach does with your
team is excellent! I like the reflection about your own coaching that arises out of it.
– Good Merton discussions, especially about his discernment of vocation, even as he
is well into his vocation, and his “finding God in these small, silent, everyday acts in
nature” (well-phrased!). – Sorry to hear about the sale of the lake house. Great
memory of the snow tubing! I like your final thought about the next owners. – 8
points of 8. – Kevin Koch
March 28 (reading reflection): This week I am going to reflect on a passage
Hagia Sophia from Thomas Merton: Spiritual Master and it is as follows: “Sophia is
the mercy of God in us. She is the tenderness with which the infinitely mysterious
power of pardon turns the darkness of our sins into the light of grace. She is
inexhaustible fountain of kindness, and would almost seem to be, in herself, all
mercy” (263). When I first read the piece Hagia Sophia, I immediately related this
persona he describes to my mom. My mom is sensitive and kind, but firm; feminine
but strong; proud but humble. A woman I am honored to call a role model of mine.
Merton states: “But she remains unseen, glimpsed only by a few”. I am sure many
others can relate this to relationships/individuals in their lives but I truly believe
that no two parents are completely alike and this quotes backs up that thought.
This led me to debate whether Merton looks to God as a parental figure because of
the suffering he experienced in losing both of his parents.
March 30 (reflection): Lately, I have been feeling very overwhelmed with school
and volleyball practices/workouts. I have never taken as many credits as I am in
now and I am beginning to really understand the art of planning my day.
Sometimes I may leave my room at 5:45am for lifting and not get back until 9pm.
As chaotic and overwhelmed as I have been feeling, I have never felt like I haven’t
been able to handle it. And I think it has a lot to do with taking time to reflect
during the day. Whether is it 5 minutes after practice when the whole team does, in
my room before I go to bed, or if I decide to sit by myself and enjoy a cup of coffee, I
seem to find myself reflecting on my life more and more. During a morning coffee, I
was reflecting on something my coach had said the night before about “winning the
day”. This is something that has really stuck with me. I find myself thinking of how
I can make the most out of the day I have because it is the only opportunity to make
that one day what you want. Since this morning, I have decided to complain less
and I so far I really have felt happier and less stressed.
April 4 (reflection): Saint Benedict’s Rule of the Day is On the Oratory of the
Monastery. It states: “Let the oratory be what it is called, a place of prayer; and let
nothing else be done there or kept there. When the Work of God is ended, let all go
out in perfect silence, and let reverence for God be observed, so that any sister who
may wish to pray privately will not be hindered by another’s misconduct”.
Personally, this rule is extremely applicable to my life in terms of volleyball. I was
always taught to leave your troubles at the gym door and to focus all your attention
on what you are doing in that moment. When this is not done, the entire energy and
successfulness of practice can be completely altered, ultimately effecting the entire
team. We should always put ourselves and teammates in the best position to be
successful just as monks should put their brothers/sisters in the best situation to
further their relationship with God.
April 6 (reading reflection): When Merton discusses the war in Vietnam, he
really shows an emotion not yet seen in other pieces we have read: anger. In an
excerpt from Faith and Violence he says: “By their registration an by the statement
they issued in an open letter to President Johnson, these men attempted to get
through to the American public with a true idea of what the war really means to the
Vietnamese- our allies, the ones we are supposedly ‘saving’ from Communism. The
attitude and feeling of the Vietnamese people (as distinct as government) are too
little known in the United States. They have been systematically ignored”. It is very
easy to pick up on Merton’s anger with the war. He goes on to say: “The people we
are ‘liberating’ in Vietnam are caught between two different kinds of terrorism and
the future presents them with nothing but a more and more bleak and hopeless
prospect of unnatural and alienated existence”. Merton makes it very clear that he
feels the US does not have good intentions in Vietnam.
Jenna: These are excellent discussions! You are completely right about Merton’s
anger coming through in the Vietnam piece (I hadn’t thought about this in quite
this way...) I like your connection of Hagia Sophia to your mom and to parents in
general. Very insightful reflective entries about reflection amidst a busy day, about
“winning the day,” about leaving your troubles at the door, etc.! -- 8 points of 8. –
Kevin Koch
April 18 (reading reflection): This week I have chosen to reflect on a passage
from After the Night Office- Gethsemani Abbey. It is as follows: Go back to bed, red
sun, you are too late, and hide behind Mount Olivet for like the flying moon, held
prisoner, within the branches of a juniper, so in the cages of our consciousness the
Dove of God is prisoner yet unruly sun, go back to bed”. This poem in general stuck
out to me because it is about how the landscape looks during sunrise/sunset. I
recently took a road trip to Colorado and witnessed many beautiful sunsets. I very
much enjoy sunsets and nature. I have journaled about this before, but Colorado is
very much one of my favorites places to be. I cannot think of something more
mesmerizing than being surrounded by mountains or seeing nothing but the peaks
and trees. Or a better thing to do than take a hike surrounded by the tallest trees
and beautiful scenery. This photo was taken just before crossing the Nebraska-
Colorado border.
April 20 (reflection): I recently took a road trip to Colorado with 3 of my closest
friends and teammates. On this trip, we did a lot of hiking and sightseeing out in
the beautiful mountains and parks the state has to offer. Personally, nature is
something that I have always been able to connect with. Whether it was going to
the lake every summer as a child, going for a run at the state park by my house, or
hiking the mountains in Colorado. Like Merton, I am very easily drawn to its
beauty and silence. One of my favorite memories from my recent trip was when we
had finally climbed to the top of the mountain (we had been hiking for several hours
at this point) and all we could hear, aside from nature, was each other. Laughing
together, taking in the beautiful scenery and just simply sharing a really cool
moment together. This moment and those friendships are definitely things I will
never forget.
April 25 (reading reflection): Feminism is a strong movement and always has
been. And Chittister is not shy in voicing her opinion about the movement,
especially as it relates to Christianity. I think many people assume that we have
not made progress and that one day the problem will be 100% solved. Personally, I
think those people need a reality check because no problem will ever be fully solved.
There will always be some sort of racism, sexism, or discrimination. However, there
has been progress and I think that is something to recognize and tribute to all who
have fought for it. Chittister says in her piece Christianity and Feminism: “The
breakthrough has come. We see differently no. We see women as full adults, as total
human beings, as individual persons who cannot, may not, be subsumed under
maleness, who must be dealt with directly, individually, and equally, who must be
included, who must be named more than ‘the little wife’ or ‘the girls’”. Like I stated
before, I do not think the problem is completely solved, but I think acknowledging
the strides made is an important part of the movement and is not always done.
April 27 (reflection): As finals approach closer and closer, my stress level seems to
grow higher and higher. Today, I decided to go for a drive and listen to some music
to relax for a little and just try not to think about school. As I was driving, I decided
to turn the music off. Although I was skeptical that I would be able to keep my mind
off my homework and school, I was. And I enjoyed it. I tend to think that in order to
relax my thought I need to distract myself, which I have learned it not always the
case. That I can sit in silence and just think.
May 2 (reading reflection): In Thich Nhat Hahn’s precepts he states: “Do not
avoid contact with suffering or close your eyes before suffering. Do not lose
awareness of the existence of suffering by all means, including personal contact and
visits, images, sound. By such means, awaken yourself and other to the reality of
suffering in the world”. When I read this, I interpret it as holding back on a goal or
their dreams in fear of failure. One of the things I remember my parents instilling
in me the most growing up is to not fear failure in any aspect of my life out of fear,
for it will leave me with regret. When my dad was a teenager, he tried out for the
1984 Olympic hockey team. He ended making it to the semifinal round of tryouts
but not advancing to the final round. They both always want us to chase our dreams
and to face our fears (or suffering) in face with pride.
May 4 (reflection): Looking back at when I first began writing contemplative
journals, my entries were very ‘jumpy’. I would begin talking about one topic and
end talking about a completely different topic. I think this is because I was not used
to collecting my thoughts or deciphering what I actually thinking about. As I read
through my entries, I can see that my journals, especially reflective entries, are
much easier to follow and much more centralized. One of the most significant
entries I have is from February 21. In that passage I reflected on a quote from Joan
Chittister about no life being so busy there is no time to take stock of it. I can
definitely relate to the feeling of being too busy for life but this reflection and quote
are things that I like to think about from time to time. Another entry that I find
insightful is my personal reflection from February 28. In this entry I discuss looking
at all the photos I have hanging in my room and reflecting back to the time they
were taken. This is something that I like to do often.