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SUBUDVOICE NOVEMBER 2007

Bapak’s ‘Forgotten’ Book

In this issue we bring you extracts from Bapak’s almost This is the first extract, translated by Mansur Medeiros…
unknown first book, Trikandha, in a translation by Mansur
Madeiros… SÊRAT URAN-URAN / A TREATISE IN JAVANESE SONG:

The first I heard of this book was in an email from Luthfi
Dixon telling me that the book first appeared about 1930,
before Subud was even formed.
Now it was being released for the first time ever
(together with English translation) and appearing
extract by extract on the web site ‘Free Subud Forum’.
These extracts were first posted on Subud Talk…
www.aokforums.com/freesubudforum
TRIKANDHA / THREE TALKERS
Kawêdalakên dening / Published by
SUMAHADIWIJAYA, WIGNYASUPARTA, ATMASUWIGNYA
Cap-capan kapisan ing SÊMARANG /
First printing in Semarang [circa 1930]
Canto I In the dhandhanggula stanza

Trikandha ingkang minangka tulis,

1
Mansur supplied this introduction to his translation…
kapêthik kinarya marganira,
Around 1930, a small pamphlet in Javanese letters klulut sinêksen anane,
appeared. Its title is Sêrat Uran-Uran TRIKANDHA kawê- warsita ingkang kasbut,
dalaken dening Sumahadiwijaya, Wignyasuparta, jroning srat Trikandha kang jilid,
Atmasuwignya, cap-capan kapisan ing Sêmarang (A kapindho kang wus ana,
Treatise in Javanese Song: The Three-Sided Discourse, dadalane kawruh,
published by Sumahadiwijaya [the name Bapak used on ilmu kiyasing jiwangga,
this title page], Wignyasuparta, Atmasuwignya, first print- ngluluri dhawuhing luluhurira kaki,
ing in Semarang, no date). utamaning panêmbah.

Over the years it pretty much disappeared, though some
members have versions that they wrote out by hand. One
refused to let me see his. He said it was too high for me
and would probably kill me to see it.
A copy of the first printing is kept in the Subud archives. A
mimeographed version appeared in 1970(with the names
Wignyasuparta and Atmasuwignya removed). The con-
tents of the little book are a lot like those of Susila Budhi
Dharma, but much, much shorter.
[Our] three-sided discourse is [here] written down,
a selection, to be made your Way,
beloved. The reality is witnessed [here]
of the instructions given
in ‘Three Talkers’, Volume Two,
which is already in existence,
a way of knowledge,
knowledge contrasting jiva and body,
perfecting the commandments of your ancestors, young men,
the best way of worship.

Kawruhana wong urip puniki,

2
There were actually three authors of this, the first-ever
publication that Pak Subuh was involved in. parsudinên kalamun kuwasa,
uripe angganira ngger,
wijangira sadarum,
wit tan bênggang lan ananeki,
nadyan ta lumaksana,
skabehe wus jumbuh,
lair trusing batinira,
mula-buka trus aneng pungkasaneki,
gya wus rêksa-rumêksa.

To understand how human life is,

The earliest known photo of Bapak aged 26
seek seriously, if you are able,
life of your selves, young men,
all its distinct parts.
If [you're] not far from your true nature,
in whatever [your] actions may be,
all will fit together
from the outermost through to the innermost,
from the very beginning to the very end,
[each element] then nurturing the others.
cont on P2 >

SUBUDVOICE PAGE 1
Mungguh tranging pamarsudi kaki, Cêtha cithakanira wus keksi,
ywa kasusu lan adaya-daya,
wit tan kêneng den-sêngkaké,
yêktine elmu iku,
amung sawiji kasing wadi,
tan kêneng sinêmbrana,
dupeh bisa ngimpun,
3 sak nggon-nggone tan kacakrabawa,
amung katut ing pangrehe,
saobah polah katut,
linuludan* sinung wêwadi,
wadi adining tama,
ingkang tumanêm wus,
6
ing yêkti saya nglêmpara, aneng jroning awakira,
lamun durung winênangkên sira kaki, nanging dudu bangsa akal lawan pikir,
têmah growah saya tuna. binudi nora kêna.

For clarity in your efforts to reach the goal, young men,
don't be in a hurry, and don't try to force the process,
for progress cannot be speeded up.
Truly, spiritual knowledge
is only one, and truly secret.
It may not be treated carelessly,
[or] opportunistically accumulated.
In reality you'd go even further astray.
If it's not yet been opened to you, young men,
you'll cave in, losing out further.
It is not permitted to seek them [the secrets] with mind or
method.
Once you've clearly seen its way of working,
everywhere, beyond expectation,
[you] merely follow its leading,
follow each change of movement.
Made [inwardly] harmonious, [you are] given secrets,
secrets of the sublimity of perfection
which are already implanted
within your self,
but not any kinds of schemes and thoughts.

Tuna luput ancase tan yêkti,

wit tan baud mikating utama,
utamaning manungswane,
anane ngudi kawruh,
satuhune manungswa kaki,
angel ing êmpanira,
gampang kang tinêmu,
4 Mansur Stopped Translating
Then it was announced that Mansur had stopped trans-
lating Trikandha, since someone criticised the standard of
translation. Here's what he posted:

‘Well, I've decided to stop Trikandha. How's that? It isn't

awit wis kadhung winênang, sumbut (Javanese: worth the trouble), if I have to listen to
wênang mrabot mbobot sakabehe wadi, uninformed critics. I said at the beginning that it was very
dadine tan den-sêdya. badly written. I also said it was written by three people.
There's no way of knowing who wrote what.
Losing, failing, your goal unreal,
because [you're] unskilled at capturing excellence, From Paul Stange's dissertation (he had access to the
the excellence of your humanity. book apparently): ‘Pak Subuh did continue his contact
As for striving for knowledge, with the group for some time. In fact his own first follower,
humanity, young men, truly Wignosupartono (one of the three co-authors of the 1932
is hard to find. Subud book Trikandha had been the senior pupil of the
It is the easy that's met. Sufi Seh Abdurrahman from the Blora region.’
Because it's already too late to have the authority,
the authority to, fully developed, hold all secrets, Mansur passed away in August 2007. For a tribute to this
[finding one's humanity] comes about unintentionally. very individualistic Subud member, see Page 14.
•
Elmu têmêne kang den-ulati,
Ascot and Beyond
dudu pikir lawan budidaya,
amrih mundhak pakolehe,
ing yêkti amung manut,
manut anurut ing papali,
sadarma kawasesa,
ing Hyang Kang Maha Gung,
5 Emmanuel Williams, USA, gives us some of the texture of
the ThankYou Gathering and life in Lewes…

I live in a Californian suburb which is basically a-commu-

anane amung sanampa, nal. I've been here for nine years and have no real friends.
tampa-tinampan wus datan pisah yêkti, I do latihan at the dwindling San Francisco group with
anglela saya cêtha. two, maybe three men.

The true aspect of knowledge is seen, At The ThankYou Gathering I rediscovered my place in
not thoughts or methods the world of human beings. I'm back now in the
for increasing receiving. Californian suburb remembering how it was to sit at a
In reality [you] only follow, table with my species telling stories, unfolding memories,
follow, obeying the prohibitions of old, cracking jokes, laughing.
fulfilling [your] duty to be ruled
by God the Most Great. And, especially, I'm remembering long one-on-one con-
It is nothing but receiving, versations , sometimes with someone I've known for years,
receiving already unseparate from truth, sometimes with someone I'd just met. These conversations
very clear, with ever-increasing clarity. were like journeys except that, unlike journeys across a
landscape - the desert, the mountain, continued on p 3 >
PAGE 2 SUBUDVOICE
the forest – they went deep, they
moved between outer and inner
These
dimensions.
conversations
They were exchanges based on
trust and love. They ended with a
hug and a smile and the feeling (in
went deep, they
me at least) that ‘Here is a person I
can say anything to. This person is moved between
my friend. We love each other.’
outer and inner
After the Thank You/National
Congress I went to Lewes for a few
days and had more long conver-
dimensions
sations with my fellow human beings. I felt as though I was
in heaven.
I remember a young woman who worked with Subud
members at three Tuning In arts camps for kids this year
saying that she sensed some kind of deep bond between
Subud people; it wasn't expressed in any overt way, it was
simply there, and she'd never come across anything like it.
My experiences working with Subud people and – more
strongly - enjoying their company in England this summer
leads me to conclude that this bond is real and alive. I
think of it as one of the greatest gifts of the latihan. I'm
deeply grateful for it and - back now in my a-communal
Californian suburb - lost without it.
Quality and Exuberance
The other great gift of the latihan I enjoyed at the Thank
You gathering and afterwards in Lewes was the quality
and exuberance of our creativity. It knocked my socks off.
My brothers and sister creators of England, you are doing
very good stuff and I salute you. Highlights for me include
the Brecht/Weill performance given by Adrienne Thomas
and Hayward Slater; the seven member band ‘In Bob We
Trust’ singing and playing Dylan with a wonderful blend of
technical expertise and sheer joy; Miranda Hampton's
exquisite poetry; Adrienne and Maya Cockburn's riotous
Yorkshire housewives duo, and brilliant short films by David
Anderson and Leo Sedgley.
Oh yes, and Edward Mackenzie's paintings. And oh yes
the role Adrienne Campbell is playing in working with oth-
ers to turn Lewes into a ‘Transitional Town.’
So, yes we have much to be thankful for.
• sweet retribution (to this day I
A New Kind of Testing?
Marcus Bolt, UK, writes about some really illuminating and
helpful receiving he had at ThankYou…
ThankYou was pretty low key for me. Being inundated with
work, I couldn’t be there much, but the event will always
stand out in my memory for one radiant moment.
My old buddy Raymond and my even older buddy
Hamilton (we shared rooms at college and joined
Subud together) approached me and simply said,
‘We both think you’re not over Loudwater yet, that
you’re still hurting.’
This was true. I’d got over the ‘testing me out’ without my
SUBUDVOICE
presence and the writ to get out supplied by Subud
Britain’s solicitors. But the callousness of my brothers and
sisters making me the scapegoat for all the group’s ills
after ten years as devoted caretaker still pained me.
And even though it happened two years ago and most
of the protagonists have stormily left the group, I still can’t
go back there for latihan, despite only living a mile or so
down the road. Yes, I was hurting still alright.
So we found a room, drew up some chairs and they both
just let me talk. And, as I poured out the whole story,
Raymond and Hamilton just listened, non-judgementally,
empathetically, making no comment beyond urging me
to continue when I worried I was taking up too much of
their time.
After, we sat quietly. ‘My head’s in a whirl. Can’t think of
anything to test,’ I offered.
‘Let’s just do latihan then,’ they suggested. So we did.
And during the exercise I had two very important, and
linked, understandings.
The Same Old Pattern
First off, I remembered many other instances in my life
where I’d been ‘chucked out’ – from a Subud business, a
marriage, a band, even a gang at school.
The quality that each incident shared was that the minute
some doubt about the relationship was aired, or my con-
tinuing role was questioned, and the second I felt unap-
preciated, not wanted, surplus to requirements, the fami-
ly pattern kicked in. ‘Right. If that’s how you feel – ****
you, I’m off.’ I’ve witnessed my Dad, my Mum and my
brother doing the same thing.
I next realised that I enjoyed
a kind of glee in removing Finding
myself there and then, or as
fast as I could. A kind of rue- solutions with
ful, bitter-sweet joy as
expressed in the old song, considerably
‘You’re really gonna miss me
when I’m gone’ and then,
better payoffs
later, when things all went
pear-shaped, an ‘aprés moi,
than the
le deluge’ exultation of pointless
remember the ‘Yesss!’ feel-
ing when the business went
bust some six months after I’d
exultation of
revenge
been booted out, I’m
ashamed to admit). And, after (this is the really embar-
rassing bit) the richly rewarding, but two-faced, attitude
summed up in the old saw, ‘Compassion is the best
revenge’.
And that sense of retribution was my reward, my payoff. The typ-
ical ‘passive/aggressive victim becomes persecutor’ syndrome.
In the next section of this latihan, my mind as CD player ,
lines from the classic Bob Dylan number played out...
'You're gonna have to serve somebody, it may be the
devil, or it may be the Lord, but you're gonna have to
serve somebody...'
I’ve always thought it would make a greatSubud
anthem, because we are all either 'serving cont on p4 >
PAGE 3
the
Lord' (by surrendering to God's will) or ‘serving the Devil’
(through our lower force driven nafsu, in Subud terminology).
And then it hit me. Although passivity may be a pre-requisite,
it is not the goal. Surrender is not in itself a passive statel. It is
more to do with living out what I have been made for, by
being my true self – the self that Bapak says is stamped with
the manufacturer’s identity, just like a Mercedes engine is.
And that’s serving the Lord. Serving the Devil (with my lower
force driven nafsu) is, in reality, that living out of my child-
hood traumas, my neuroses, family patterns; getting my buzz
from sweet revenge…
Other Ways of Dealing with the Situation
I was then told that what I should have done when test-
ed out of the enterprise was to have said, ‘OK, guys. Take
your point. Why don’t I take a sabbatical? Or maybe just
come in a couple of days a week and you pay me a con-
sultancy fee while I sort myself out?’ for example, instead
of clearing my desk and walking there and then.
Similarly, at Loudwater, I should have said something like,
‘Sorry Guys. Don’t accept testing about me that I wasn’t
present at. Let’s get the National Helpers involved.’ Or,
‘Fine, but we’ll have to have a proper redundancy
agreement and a phased withdrawal…’ Or whatever. In
other words, simply have gone for the practical, down-to-
earth, non-emotional stuff, finding solutions with consider-
ably better payoffs than the pointless exultation of
revenge. That’s surrender.
The latihan finished and I sat down and absorbed this bun-
dle of information. During the quiet, I realised that I had
tried testing about this conventionally, but it hadn’t worked
for me. I’d also spent a few hours in therapy with my old
tutor, and that hadn’t scratched the surface, either.
But the way Raymond, Hamilton and I had approached
this, actually ‘realising’ the issues first, then simply doing
latihan in a mutually supportive, non-judgmental atmos-
phere, free of Subud ‘High Jargonese’ seemed, to me, to
be a new way, a new kind of testing.
These two new takes on the old clichés gave me some-
thing real to say ‘Thank you’ for. And in a strange way, I
felt they were a thank you to me, too.
Lebaran Appeal
• Indonesians and expats in 1975 to aid the poor and des-
Yayasan Usaha Mulia (Foundation for Noble Work) writes
on ‘Over Thirty Years of Caring at the Children’s Village’…
We have the children and they are doing great. We have
the place they can call home. We have the people to
really care for them. But we always need support to pro-
vide for their practical needs…
We have received a lot of support, year after year from
so many people and you may have been one of those
who have given donations in the past. That support is
essential to continue providing the care these children
need and deserve. If you are able to make a donation at
this time it will allow us to give these children the kind of
Ramahdan/Idul Fitri that other more fortunate children
will experience. We shall very much appreciate your kind-
ness and generosity, whatever you are able to do, espe-
cially at this time of year when I am sure you find yourself
already helping many of the less fortunate people around you.
PAGE 4
Children of YUM’s Children’s Village
If you have already given a donation perhaps you could
forward this appeal to your friends. Thank you for taking
the time to read this – Ala Sulistyono, on behalf of the
Board of Yayasan Usaha Mulia.
Your donation earmarked ‘Children’s Village’ can be sent
through credit card to Susila Dharma International at:
https://secure1.uniserve.com/wdsusiladharma/giving_yum.html
or, to the orphanage’s bank account at:
Bank Niaga,Jakarta Fatmawati Branch, Jl. RS. Fatmawati
No. 20, Jakarta 12430, Indonesia SWIFT code: BNIAIDJA
In the name of: Yayasan Usaha Mulia – DAA
A/C number: 917.01.00619.00.6
About our orphanage, the Children’s Village: Last year
the Children’s Village was selected as the best orphan-
age in the Regency of Cianjur, West Java. During the
same year, an Alumni Association was formed by the for-
mer ‘graduates’ of the orphanage to further assist the
Children’s Village as their way of saying ‘thank you’ and
to provide a mechanism to further support alumni as they
step out into the world to establish their own lives.
The Children’s Village is located about 100 kms (63 miles)
from Jakarta, in the hills of Cipanas. It is a home for chil-
dren aged 6 – 18, and currently accommodates 54 chil-
dren. The children are either orphans, from broken homes
and very poor homes, or from troubled families who can-
not support their children emotionally or financially.
About us: The Foundation for Noble Work - Yayasan
Usaha Mulia (YUM) was established by a group of
titute in Indonesia. YUM is a registered charity in the
Republic of Indonesia, and is also an associate member
of Susila Dharma International, which has consultative
status with the UN Economic and Social Council
(ECOSOC) and the UN Children’s Fund (UNICEF).
Vision: to improve the quality of life of the poor.
Mission: to engage in community development activities
and to establish and manage educational facilities,
vocational training and health services, and to care for
orphans and the elderly, in cooperation with other social
organisations and individuals.
Besides the Children’s Village, YUM manages a Learning
Centre for poor children in Jakarta and 4 small children
libraries in Java, Aceh and Kalimantan; a Community
Centre in Aceh, a Microcredit program, Malaria Control
and Clean Water projects in Central Kalimantan.
For more information on our YUM projects and how you
can help, please visit our website at www.yum-irdn.org or
contact: Ms. Ala Sulistyono at: alas@cbn.net.id
SUBUDVOICE
•
Build and They Will Come
Methir Merrick writes about ‘Subud Fest in The Close’ at Norwich…
There is no doubt in my mind that there exists in people
today a hunger for a spiritual dimension to their lives.
Recently we staged, what we proudly proclaimed to be,
‘Subudfest’ at the Subud house in Norwich. This mini-festival
came about because in the spring, Brand had responded
to Hamilton’s question ‘what shall we do in this end of the
garden?’ with the response ‘we should build a stage!’
Brand loves the garden, and he’s got a band that I like to
call ‘Brand’s band’, but which is actually called ‘Elton
Goodlady’ (I’m not sure why, you must ask him yourself). I
would describe this as a Kevin Costner moment, imbued
with the faith that if you build it
they will come.
pants and the performers started to advertise it and at
the same time we decided it should be a free event.
As the day approached lots of cakes, made by Subud
ladies, and tea and goodies were prepared to sell.
Unwanted stuff started to be collected by Hermia to go
on a bric-a-brac stall for Susila Dharma. We didn’t do
much contingency planning in case it rained. We just
trusted the weather would be OK. The date had to move
from the end of July to the beginning of August because
musicians in Elton Goodlady weren’t going to be available.
We Were Blessed
Great we thought we were ready. As the day approached
we watched the skies hoping things would brighten up. The
original date would have been wet but when the new day
dawned it was absolutely beautiful weather, the most per-
fect day of the summer. We
were blessed.

What followed was extraordi- It started at 2pm (on the dot)

nary. Brand knew Ed from the with music from local musi-
old days and Ed is a remark- cians, bringing together a mix
able creative building engineer of Eastern European and
who works for himself and has Romany music, talented singer
fond memories of the Subud songwriters, topped up with
house. They proceeded to plan funk and jazz from the 70’s. The
the stage construction. One music was really good. It
day a load of reclaimed oak ended with a large part of the
planks arrived. audience up on their feet
dancing to funk.
A group of Subudians met up
for a construction day. It Andrew had supplied the
SubudFest at the Subud House in Norwich’s
worked out that the men dug sound system, and it started to
Cathedral Close
the holes, put in cement and get a bit loud. It was great. It
steel poles. The ladies helped varnish the planks and kept kind of upset the neighbours, but to be honest, most of
us in food and tea. Things didn’t go as well as we’d the neighbours had come to the event, so we got away
hoped, so we arranged to meet in a couple of weeks with it.
and finish the job.
The cakes went great. The cake stall was able to
When we reconvened there were more of us, as When we send £434 to Susila Dharma from their efforts. I think
Stephan, Pavol and Frank joined us for the wood- this includes the proceeds from the jumble.
work. The weather was great and Ed gave us make music
excellent instructions. We made amazing it is an At any one time we had up to 150 people in the
progress and built a really sturdy stage that is garden. Yet, people came and went throughout
about 4 m x 3 m. Ed added some really nice expression of the day. Some stayed for the whole event and
touches to the design by incorporating two the divine in those who did were well rewarded.
beautiful ornamental stones. People always com-
ment on the stones when they see the stage.
us There was a degree of water madness probably
because everyone was so happy the weather was hot.
Once we had the stage built we had to organise the actu- There was water-pistol fun directed at volunteers in return
al festival. Sebastiana is our social secretary who herself sings for charitable donations. Our MC Stash invited people up
and plays the accordion, and didn’t take much convincing on stage to talk about their charitable work. Hamilton
that we should organise a day of live music in the garden. talked about Subud. Stash kept the whole thing moving
on nicely.
She has good connections with local musicians and so set
about trying to put together a day’s musical entertain- It was a terrific experience for Subud Norwich group
ment. As the months rolled by the band list started to come because we all worked so really well together and enjoyed
together. People wanted to play in our garden as It is a doing it. It was first-rate fun. We are all really happy about
very beautiful place after all, and perfect for a concert. it and we brought Subud to lots of people’s attention.

Apart from the entertainment we also invited a few char-
ities to take part in our fest and raise money for their
cause. After a few months of approaching local charities
we ended up with 3 guest stalls: Norfolk Organic Group,
Christian Aid (manned and organised by Subud member
Lucy) and Domestic Violence Awareness.
I was asked, ‘What is Subud’ many times. I’m never sure I
have the right answer to the question but I always have a
go at answering. It helps when the conversation is against
the background of a good party.
So, we want to do it again. When we do we’ll tell everyone in

•
advance! I believe that when we make music it is an expres-
When we had a clear idea about the day, the partici- sion of the divine that is in us. It is very affirming. Praise God.

SUBUDVOICE PAGE 5

Bapak
Talk
An Amazing Evening with Bapak in
Paris
PARIS, 17 JULY 1964, Recording: 64 PAR 5
Copyright 2007, World Subud Association. All rights reserved.
This talk was given for people practising the spiritual exercise
known as the Subud Latihan. For those not practising this exer-
cise, reading the following talk is not recommended as it could
be misunderstood.
Usman [to Bapak]: The problem concerns the actions of a
couple, both of whom are helpers. They are complaining
that this couple are causing a lot of trouble and behaving
badly. Sometimes they borrow money from the members
and don't pay it back. In fact one member lent them all
his savings and they haven't paid it back. Then one of the
members invited them to live in his house, but as a result
his household became chaotic. In fact they say that one
of his daughters became confused, she sort of went crazy.
And they accuse this helper couple that they took in . . .
Bapak [interrupting]: Make them non-active as helpers, so
that their actions are no longer the group's responsibility.
They should be asked to return their helpers' cards and
these should be kept by the organisation. If they are not will-
ing to return them – if they hang on to them – make a note
in the register that they have been made non-active and
have been asked for their helper's cards but would not give
them back. And this kind of procedure applies not only to
this couple but to any helper who behaves in this way.
In fact such behaviour is too much; it is really serious. If
something like this ever happens again, first you should
talk to the people concerned. Don't take any strong
action before you find out the true situation. Are they will-
ing to change or not? But if they are unable to change,
and continue with such behaviour, then you have no
choice but to take that kind of action.
That is it, brothers and sisters. The helpers' group needs to
have guidelines or standards to serve as a reminder that
we in our Subud association, and especially the helpers,
should set a good example to society, meaning towards
people outside. Therefore we really need to avoid this
kind of behaviour - it should not exist in the helpers' group,
nor in the Subud association as a whole.
Are there any more questions?
Question [from the floor, in English]: We intended to ask
questions of Bapak about the testing of the latihan,
because we tested many latihans before Bapak's arrival
and wanted to ask whether our testing was correct or
not. For instance, when we test the latihan of a member
we put a question first: 'How is the latihan of so-and-so?'
Then we say, 'How should the latihan be of so-and-so?'
PAGE 6
And then we say to that member, 'We felt this the first time,
and we felt that the second time.' For instance, somebody
says, 'I had movements of joy', or 'I had pains around my
shoulder.' This is the question for Bapak: are we supposed
to give some indications in our answer to that member?
For instance, to say to them not only that 'I felt this and
that', but, 'You should do this,' or 'You should move your
shoulders in the latihan,' or 'You must move your heart,' or
'You must do this or that.' This is the question, Bapak.
Bapak [without waiting for the question to be interpreted
into Indonesian]: Brothers and sisters, what you are asking
may be what Bapak is about to talk about anyway. If the
rest of your questions are similar to this one - that is, about
the latihan - then Bapak might as well start with his talk so
that, besides what you have just asked about, you will
hear other things that will be very useful for you.
Brothers and sisters, Bapak needs once again to explain
what he has probably said something about – or a lot
about – in talks you may have heard already; that is,
about the spiritual training or latihan.
The latihan is a training that does not come because of
us. The meaning of 'not because of us' is that it does not
come because you want it with your heart.(2) It is just the
opposite: every time you are about to do the latihan, it is
very important that you get rid of any wishing, and empty
your imagination, your thinking and your heart, which are
groping for all kinds of understanding. You need only to
feel whatever arises within you.
In this way it becomes clear that the latihan is a training given
by God, in a way that we can receive it. The fact is that if it
was not given by God, and helped by God, we human
beings could not possibly stop the influence of our desires(1)
that has penetrated so deep into our heart and thinking.
It follows from this that the guidance in the latihan, or the
One who guides us in the latihan, is none other than God.
Therefore it is certain that you cannot ask the helpers or
anyone else about what you have received in your lati-
han, unless the person you are asking has already
advanced in his or her receiving; has understood about
the relationship between human beings and God; and
can distinguish between what is free of the influence of
the desires within their own heart and what is still filled with
desire. At the moment none of you, including the helpers,
has reached this level. Because this is so, if the members
receive something in the latihan and then ask what this or
that means, it is of course a burden on the helpers,
because they themselves are at a stage that is not far
beyond the rest of you.
The helpers, those of you who have been appointed as
helpers and whom Bapak has approved, are in fact
helpers in the sense of servants, who are serving the mem-
bers in the latihan. The meaning of serving is not leading.
It means, for example, restraining someone who wants to
leave the room while still in latihan or someone who is
shouting too loud. In short, serving and being attentive, so
that nothing happens that would not look good to peo-
ple in general. So, the helpers do not lead in the latihan.
No. For, as Bapak just said, it is only God who leads in the
realm of the soul, which is something you are not yet
aware of, not having reached that level.
That is why the existing helpers are an emergency meas-
ure; they are just channels for the contact cont on p7 >
SUBUDVOICE
with the greatness of God for those who wish to join knock on this it goes: [Bapak knocks on the ashtray.] If I
Subud. Indeed, this is a preliminary stage, where all you do knock on this it goes: [Bapak knocks on the microphone.]
is convey the contact. You do not yet know, nor do you So this [ashtray] cannot be like this [microphone]. It is
need to know, what is going to happen later. Therefore impossible. The direct and the straight path that this
the kind of testing that the helpers have been doing is [microphone] can believe in is this: 'clack, clack, clack . .
actually out of place. [more knocking]. That is its path. For this [microphone], the
path that it needs to follow and that it can be confident
What Bapak meant when he asked you to test was some- in following, no matter how far, is the one that goes,
thing else. If there is a question from one of the members: 'clack, clack, clack'.
'Would it be right for me to do this kind of work or that kind
of work?' or 'Which would be better for me, to move to this That is it. That is what is called one's individuality. In Islam
place or that place?' and other such questions that have it is called dhat wajib al-wujud. Dhat means power,
only to do with this world - those are the sorts of questions power that is adapted to one's nature, to one's being. So
that should and can be answered by the helpers through if it is a goat it must go, 'Ma-a-a'. If it's a cat, it goes,
testing together. And when you test, let go of your think- 'Miaow'. If it is a dog it goes, 'Woof, woof, woof'. How can
ing, let go of your wishes, so that the answer comes from you tell a dog to go 'miaow'? It cannot. Or a cat to go
within, from above, and can be received by all the 'ma-a-a'? It cannot; and that is as it should be. That is how
helpers in the same way. That is what Bapak meant, not God looks after, educates and leads human beings: one
testing the members one by one. Do not do that, and do by one. And even though they are all different, they will
not comment on what each member receives. each progress towards Almighty God, each by their own
path.
As you know, each person is different in the Therefore, when
development and progress of their latihan. So, All this is actually logical - meaning that it is real.
you are This [ashtray] here is real. This [microphone] is
the development of A is not the same as that
of B. That of B is not the same as C. And C is dif- experiencing the real too. And they represent a straight path. But
ferent from D, and so on. Therefore if A receives you human beings are not yet like that. You are
in the latihan and asks B, 'What's this that I have
latihan and are human beings, but what you have within you is
received?' B cannot answer, because his or her being cleaned, not yet human. This [ashtray] looks like this, and
development is different. How could B answer? its content really is iron. Likewise this [micro-
you are made to phone] looks like this, and it really is made of . .
Well, it could be that they are the same, but that die, brought to life . what is this called? . . . ebonite or plastic. But
is very rare. You can answer that question only if not you. You look like human beings but your
you have already arrived at the summit, where again, made to content is not human. So you have not yet even
all those individual paths are united. That is still reached the level of this [ashtray] here. If you
rarely encountered. Bapak is not trying to pro-
die, brought to life, are tested, you have not even reached the
mote himself, but if there was someone here like made to die, completion of the material level yet.
Bapak, then maybe they would be able to
answer that, because Bapak has reached a brought to life – So you still need a lot of cleaning; and the only
level where he knows all those paths. He knows always through one who can do that, who can clean what is
how A is, how B is, and how C, D, E and F are. He within you, is God. This is because 'cleaning'
knows all of that. So if A asks, Bapak can answer God's grace. means changing this into this, changing A into
like this. When B asks, Bapak can answer like that. B, white into red, red into white - and that
means dying.
But for all of you, you are still far, far away from that. Even
when Bapak does tests with you night after night, many of Therefore, when you are experiencing the latihan and
you still do not receive accurately. It means that your are being cleaned, you are made to die, brought to life
state at the moment - even if you have been doing the again, made to die, brought to life, made to die, brought
latihan for four years, five years, six years, seven years - is to life - always through God's grace. Yes, that is the path
that you still need purification. You are still being cleaned. you have to walk, that is what you have to go through.
Your heart is being cleaned, your brain is being cleaned; So, for the moment - Bapak says for the moment, mean-
everything is still being cleaned. ing for a few years - you have to be extremely patient. Do
not think about it a lot, because for now what you are
When that purification is already progressing well, only then experiencing is the movements involved in cleaning what
comes the growth of your soul; and that is sure to be differ- is wrong within you.
ent for A and for B. That is why the Subud latihan is suited to
your individuality, because this is carried out by God. To illustrate this: as human beings your latihan ought to be
human, oughtn't it? Bapak was decreed by God to be a
Therefore it is not required that this person has to be like Javanese, in Indonesia, so his latihan ought to be that of
that person - that they should be the same - as, for exam- a Javanese, an Indonesian.
ple, if you follow a mystical path. For example, some of
you here may have followed a path like that of [Bapak demonstrates:] 'Allah, God Almighty.' Emptiness.
Ouspensky and Gurdjieff, where they have a system: 'It is Once Bapak is empty, he is quiet, still, at rest. I am waiting
like this. It must be like this, whether it is white or black.' So for what God will give me.
everybody follows the same system.
In this still, arrested state, within his being Bapak feels a liv-
From the human point of view that is right, because there ing entity standing there, vertical, like a pendulum.
is one approach. But from the point of view of the power
of God, it is wrong, very wrong. Because how can this Once he is experiencing that, Pak Subuh no longer exists.
[Bapak points to the ashtray] be like that? It cannot! If I All that exists is this, right here. Allah. cont on p8 >

SUBUDVOICE PAGE 7

Having got to this point, now what? Having got to this
point . . . Oh! It goes like this, for example. So, this is the ori-
gin, the beginning. Here is this . . . it has no attributes yet. No
ears, no eyes, no nose, nothing. There is only this and this
[Bapak makes the sign of alif (5) [Arab.] and the sign of the
cross]. So Islam and Christianity are the beginning of life on
this planet. Yes. And after that . . . oh, yes, then the head
appears. Yes, the head. Oh! The head! So this is an attach-
ment. It is added on.
And after that . . . oh, then this. Oh, the body appears. . .
yes. And after that . . . oh, the legs . . . yes, this is different.
It is an addition.
And after that . . . hmm . . . oh . . . here, the ears have just
appeared. And then . . . oh, the eyes have just appeared.
Then . . . oh, the mouth just appeared, and the nose. And
now, this . . . the sex organs have just appeared. Wow!
After all that, now I can see; I have eyes, I can use them
to see. I have ears; I can use them to hear. I have a . . .
mouth . . . for speaking. And other things . . . oh, look . . .
So this is how I am put together . . .
So, at the moment, all this doesn't yet exist; so
it is very hard for you to be aware of the cross. At that
You aren't able to feel it. You cannot know it
with this [gestures to various parts of the point of
body]. Nor with this. You cannot know it with
anything. completion you
'Then with what?' will begin
'Allah. God.'
'Oh, so it is God who will let me know?' to get lessons
'Yes.'
from God
Now having got to this point, since Bapak is a Javanese,
an Indonesian, what will he do next?
[Bapak sings.] When Bapak makes that sound, why does
he go like this?
[Bapak begins to move.] Oh, then that kind of voice
makes one move.
[Bapak sings some more.] Oh, this is moving me like this.
So there is already a structure, because Bapak has
already completed the course. If you compare him to a
child at school, he has gone from A to Z, or from the first
grade to the sixth or the seventh grade.
Because he is already at that point, Bapak knows what his
movements mean.
'Does Bapak feel good here in Paris?'
'No, he doesn't.'
This is the answer.
'Why doesn't he feel good?'
'Because here so many of the members use their thinking.'
'Oh, yes?' Oh so that's it.’
The fact is that Bapak does not feel comfortable in Paris
because so many of you are still using your thinking and your
heart. So, Bapak can understand the answer immediately.
You can't really translate this. Well, maybe a little.
So you will be convinced, brothers and sisters. Even if you
PAGE 8
say that you are not a Christian, that you are not a
Muslim, that you have no religion, still you will be con-
vinced that this [gesture] exists within a human being -
indeed, not only in a human being but also in every being
created by God. However, it is still deep inside; you have
not reached it yet. Therefore, for you who have received
the latihan, here is a path that will take you towards that
place deep inside, so that you will be able to feel and
receive it as a reality. And having received it, everything
that is hidden, everything that is still secret, will be
revealed to you.
Because this is so, once you have reached that point, if
you are a Christian your Christianity will be more real to
you. You will not be someone who just believes what peo-
ple tell you; you will believe in what you have received
from Almighty God. The same is true if you are a Muslim:
once you have been able to receive that, you will not just
believe what people tell you; you will actually be able to
prove to yourself that God accompanies human beings
and everything He has created.
That is how good and excellent the result is of the lati-
han. But that is also how far away it is from where you
are now. Therefore Bapak advises you all to
be truly harmonious, truly patient and
accepting, and be willing to let go and sur-
render to God. The reason why this is impor-
tant is because you will not then constantly
be disturbing the process of purification
that is going on within you, and you will
eventually reach the point where it all
makes sense, the point of completion. At
that point you, as a human being, will have
a human latihan; and not a latihan where
you go, 'Oink! Owoo! Woof, woof, woof!'
How is it that a human being has a latihan like that? What
is the reason? It is because their content is still wrong. Who
knows? Outwardly they are human, but they have a dog
inside them. Yes, so they go, 'Woof, woof, woof.'
You are a person. As a person, when you do latihan you
should be able to move like a human being, and under-
stand and know what you are doing because you have
reached the stage of completion, where it all makes
sense. So far you have not yet experienced that. You are
still on your way towards that point where it all makes
sense, where all is complete. At that point of completion
you will begin to get lessons from God. Now, you cannot
yet get them; you cannot yet receive lessons from God.
Why is that? It is because even though you have a head,
its content is not human. And God will not teach some-
one who is not human.
That is the point, brothers and sisters. That is why Bapak
hopes - because, well, it is for your own good - that you
will act and be in harmony with each other. There is no
point in saying, 'You are wrong, I am right.' 'I am wrong,
you are right.' There is no point. All that is just your thinking.
You have not yet reached completion. Only when you
have reached completion will you be able to know
[Bapak knocks on something]: 'Ashtray!' [Bapak knocks on
something else.] 'Oh, no, this isn't an ashtray. Its nature
must be like that.' [Bapak knocks on something else.] 'Oh,
no, this isn't an ashtray either. This is a glass.'
That's it. You haven't reached that point yet. You are still
very far away from it. Therefore do not quarrel and fight
cont on p 9 >
SUBUDVOICE
over a bone that has nothing on it, for that will in fact
interfere with your own well-being, with your progress,
and with the development of your own soul.
So, Bapak hopes that you will be in harmony here in Paris,
and in France in general. If there is something wrong, then
certainly you have to give and take: 'What is wrong here?
Very good, let's figure it out together by worshipping God,
so that we can receive the reality that we have within us,
as far as we can receive it.' Which means, yes, that you
are in the pre-school. Compared to your distance to
God, you are in the pre-school.
Therefore: 'How do you show that you are a soldier?'
[Bapak demonstrates.]
So: 'How do you show that you are a businessman?'
[Bapak demonstrates.]
'What is the sign when you are being told what to do?'
[Bapak demonstrates.]
That is the way. That is already enough to test what is right
or wrong for you to do.
But something deeper, like: 'What is the content of this per-
son?' For now, do not do that; you haven't reached that
stage. You haven't reached the point of completion. So
right now you need to be in harmony in order to . . . yes, one
can say, in order to pursue or to reach that level of comple-
tion. Once you are complete, then it will go by itself. Your
growth will go on by itself, and you will know everything.
That is the end of Bapak's explanations concerning the
realm of the soul. This was really deep; so if you can truly
understand it, it is like a line that doesn't deviate from
God's decree. Therefore Bapak asks you all really to put
into practice what you have obtained in the latihan, and
also the advice he has given you.
Because the time is up and there will be another meeting
after this one, Bapak will end his talk. And he thanks you
for coming and for your attention. Merci.
Notes
1. Heart: the word hati, which is usually translated as heart, is the feel-
ing that is limited to our mortal nature. Literally, hati means 'the liver'
and is considered to be the seat of the feelings, emotions and
desires. 'Heart' is not a perfect fit however, for in Bapak's usage it is
also the place where imagining and daydreaming take place.
Therefore in some places the word 'imagination' has been consid-
ered to be a more appropriate translation.The content of the human
heart is the images of all that a person has experienced from child-
hood, throughout their life and into old age. Bapak, Paris 1959. [Vol.
6, 59 PAR 3 p239]
2. Desires: the word nafsu, which is usually translated as 'desires' or
'passions' depending on the context, refers to the motivations within
a person that are influenced by the low life forces. The content of the
desires is the wish to be capable, the wish to be good, the wish to
receive more quickly, the wish to be cleverer than others, not want-
ing to give in, not wanting to be called stupid, and so on. Bapak, Paris
1959. [Vol. 6, 59 PAR 3 p239]
5. The Arabic letter Alif is the first letter in the Arabic character set,
and has the numerical value of one. In Islam it has particular signifi-
cance as being the first letter in the name of Allah. The hand sign of
the Alif is a single downward sweep of the right hand from the top of
the head down the body.
This talk is included in B A P A K ' S T A L K S VOLUME 12
1 July 1964 - 16 August 1964
Available from: Subud Publications International
Loudwater Farm, Loudwater Lane, Rickmansworth, Herts. WD3 4HG UK
spi@subudbooks.co.uk
Copyright© 2004 by the World Subud Association. All rights reserved.
SUBUDVOICE
I N N E R
V O I C E
Edited by Ilaina Lennard
Inner Voice welcomes new stories and letters
NOTE: Ilaina’s new e-mail: Ilaine.l@ntlworld.com
SIMON FULL OF MIRACLES
Simon Monbaron, USA, found some miracles at the
ThankYou Celebration…
I always thank God for the miracles I have received.
I believe that it is God's job to make miracles and I also
believe that God wants to make miracles. God would
make more miracles if people would believe that God
can make miracles for them.
Bapak explained that it is we ourselves who make it
impossible for God to do many things. We think: Oh God
cannot do such and such, so that makes it impossible for
God to do what God could do.
However, I personally have found that through many minor
miracles I have been able to go around the world, to
Japan and to Indonesia three times, and to Europe as well.
So as soon as the information on ‘Celebration 50th’ was
available I became open to finding a way to attend this
event, even though I do not have a lot of money. In
England there were some surplus funds from a prior event
and one could apply to get a 50% discount to go to the
Celebration. I applied - and Miracle No 1, the discount
was approved.
I had saved my frequent flyer miles for years for some
good purpose so I got an airline ticket from Portland to
Heathrow in London. The ticket cost was for airport taxes
only – just US$129, about 65 GB£. That was Miracle No 2.
So I flew to Heathrow, took a taxi and arrived at the
school in Ascot. I was given a room quite a way from
where the main events were taking place. But the organ-
isers were not providing any transport because they said
‘It’s only 10 minutes up the road.’ Well, I am 77 years old,
and someone was kind enough to drive me and my lug-
gage to the sleeping place on that first day (Miracle No
3) but the next day I had to take the ‘10 minute walk’
which took me more than 45 minutes. But later there were
minor miracles as to getting to and fro, and I attended
the latihan and these latihans were very strong.
Driving blind for Bapak
At that time I began remembering many past experi-
ences that I had had when I went to see Bapak in
Indonesia or other places. And I remembered how on
one occasion when I was Bapak's driver in Montreal I got
into a kind of crisis. What happened to me at that time
was extraordinary.
When Bapak arrived in Montreal, Mas Usman had picked
my car to be Bapak's car. So I became cont on p10 >
PAGE 9
Bapak's driver. During the day I had to be available in case
Bapak decided to go somewhere, so while I was waiting I
also became the official doorman and bouncer. My job
was to stop anyone from seeing Bapak who had not got
an appointment. I also drove Bapak to and from the lati-
han place. So I was very close to Bapak for about a week.
On the last day, the day that I had to drive Bapak to the
airport I realised that I was in a very strange state and that
I would have a hard time finding my way there. So for two
hours while waiting for Bapak to be ready I rehearsed in
my mind over and over again, where I had to turn, and
where and how I had to go to the airport.
Finally Bapak and his party came out and Bapak sat
behind me, with Ibu Siti Sumari (Bapak's wife) next to him.
Ismana was sitting next to me in case a translator was
needed. There were two other Indonesian ladies in the car.
Bapak said something in Indonesian and all the ladies
laughed. Ismana translated: ‘Bapak said go to the airport
not to the latihan hall!’
I began driving and as soon as the car was in motion this
extraordinary thing happened. I became unable to see
anything at all. But as soon as we got close to the first inter-
section my sight was restored, and as I had rehearsed what
to do I was able to steer the car in the right direction. But
when we passed the intersection I became blind again.
Just before the next intersection my sight returned and I
was able to steer the car toward the airport but after that
I again became unable to see anything.
Afterwards I thought that in a way it must have been
Bapak who drove the car to the airport but since he did not
know the route, whenever there was an intersection or a
turn, Bapak would let me see the road so that I could steer
the car toward the airport, and then, as soon as the car was
going straight Bapak would render me blind again.
I began driving It was a powerful and weird experi-
and as soon as ence and I had not remembered it
for years. But then, in Ascot I felt the
the car was in latihan very strongly and I felt
motion this Bapak's presence there with us. After
extraordinary thing my return home (USA) my wife
Marcella also told me that when she
happened – I was thinking about the Celebration
became unable to in England she felt that Bapak was
see anything at all there with us.
In Ascot I tried to be empty of mate-
rial or physical things so that I would feel the latihan. I
went to be in touch with the spiritual and to remember
Bapak so I kept to myself but nevertheless several people
talked to me to see if I was O.K, which I appreciated.
The flight home
During that time, however, when checking my airline
reservation, I saw that my flight home was on Monday
and not Sunday as I had thought. Being in a half crisis
state I had made my arrangements for the wrong day.
So I asked United Airlines to get me on the flight to
Chicago on Sunday instead of Monday. The agent told
me that all seats were taken on that flight, but there was
a later flight and there was still one seat available. So I
took that seat.
PAGE 10
When I boarded the plane I thought that since I had the
last seat I might be sitting in the middle of a centre row.
(My boarding pass did show 37 E and that is a centre
seat. There are two seats on either side of that seat).
Anyway I thought ‘Maybe there will be another of those
small miracles.’
So I sat in seat 37 E.... and waited. All of a sudden the
plane began to leave, and I quickly moved to seat 37 G
(aisle seat). So I flew London to Chicago in seat 37 G with
no one in either seats 37 E or F. How lucky can one get?
It seemed that by attending Celebration 50 I was able to
receive many small miracles, and I was also able to feel
Bapak's presence. I would not have missed it for the world.
Albert Einstein said ‘There are only two ways to live your
life. One as if miracles do not exist, the other as if every-
thing is a miracle.’ I live my life as if everything is a miracle
and most of the time this works miracles.
Read: Subud the Coming New Age of Reality. That book
took 12 years to compile and write. The book would let
me know what I had to put in it and very often at 3 AM I
would wake up with the understanding that I had to
change this and that. The book wrote itself through me,
despite myself. Love to all, Simon Monbaron
My web site: www.peacetocome.com
•
BELIEF IN
AN OMNIPRESENT POWER
Halstein Stralberg, Norway, writes…
I had decided in my early teens not to believe in God and
that God could not possibly exist. But some 'experiences'
convinced me that there must exist something more than
what we can see or hear and this led to a desire to seek
for spiritual reality. When I heard of Subud at age 18 it
seemed so important that I decided to travel to Coombe
Springs, from Norway, to be opened.
Before the opening Bapak said that he could see our
thoughts and desires and that he was there to witness our
wish to worship God. This worried me since I did not
believe in God and if Bapak really could see what I was
thinking and feeling he must know that I was not really sin-
cere.
But the next day, while I kept myself busy working in the
Coombe Springs garden, I suddenly understood that all
my reservations about believing in God had to do with
the concept of God as a person, who sits somewhere
and controls everything and doles out rewards and pun-
ishments. I realised that what Bapak had
referred to was a universal omnipresent power of which I
had been given a small taste during the opening.
I felt the need to assure myself that what I had felt was not
simply due to Bapak's physical presence, so despite hav-
ing been warned not to try the latihan alone during the
first weeks after my opening, I went to my room and
asked for evidence that the latihan would work also
when I was alone. It started immediately – and I asked for
it to stop in less than a minute since all I needed was proof
that it would work without the presence or influence of
another person. cont on p 11 >
SUBUDVOICE
I went on to study mathematics and science, and
practiced in the field of mathematics for many years,
but I have never had any problem with the concept of
God since then, although I prefer not to use the term
too much, especially when talking about Subud to
someone new.
A LESSON IN COMPASSION
• ing my mother and raising a young child as a single par-
Halimah Polk, USA, writes about the deeply moving expe-
riences of her Ramadan 2005…
Last year marked my 34th year of doing Ramadan. Not
perfectly, never perfectly, but the sincerity was there for
sure. Over the years I’ve noticed that these Ramadans
almost glide together. I might experience something the
previous Ramadan only to have the same experience
start up exactly where it left off at the beginning of the
next Ramadan. I’ve often joked that God must have a
bookmark! But it is quite remarkable, nonetheless.
During previous Ramadans, like many of us, I’ve been
aware of a heightened sense of com-
passion for the suffering of others,
accompanied by a desire to help allevi-
ate that suffering. This undertone of com-
passion surfaced again during Ramadan
2005 – but with a more personal twist. In
latihan one night during the first week of
the fasting, I felt the presence of my
maternal grandmother, my Nana. She
had come to me before and once
again, I was made aware of how difficult
her life had been.
From 1918-1922, my grandmother Nana
lost every member of her family, except
my mother, in the Spanish Influenza epi-
demic. When many soldiers returned
home from the European battlefields,
they unwittingly brought with them this vir- Halimah Polk
ulent influenza, sparking an outbreak in
the United States that actually caused many more deaths from my consciousness. That is, until something remark-
than those of all the American soldiers killed in the First able happened during one of the Nights of Power. Like
World War.
My grandfather Harold had returned from Europe to
Reading, Pennsylvania, in time for the birth of my moth-
er, Dorothy, in 1918. By 1920 he was dead, followed
soon after by the death of my Nana’s father and moth-
er. Her brother Calder and sister Anna also died soon
after that. An entire family had been decimated by the
Spanish Influenza. Nana was left completely on her
own with my mother to provide and care for, with no
family support.
Out of necessity she and my mother, then a tiny toddler,
moved in with her in-laws, my grandfather’s family.
Unfortunately, they were not very welcoming or support-
ive; my great-grandfather apparently never worked again
after the death of his son; the word was ‘he went mental’.
My great-grandmother on my grandfather’s side,
according to the few stories that survive, was harsh
and tyrannical. So at the age of 26, my grandmother
was abruptly thrown into this hostile familial environ-
ment, while she struggled to work and support herself
and my mother.
SUBUDVOICE
The Shock and Trauma of Catastrophic Events
From my experiences in previous latihans, I have surmised
that she never got over the shock and trauma of these
catastrophic events which shook her life in those few short
years. And because of the huge responsibility of support-
ent, she never had the time to process the trauma she
had experienced and from that point move on. Instead
Nana never remarried and worked almost all her life in
small dead end jobs to support herself and my mother
while she was young.
Despite these horrible traumas, Nana was by far the
favourite grandparent in our family, invariably sweet, sup-
portive and pleasant. I found pictures of her before her
life had been shaken by these traumas and the pictures
reveal such a spirited lively woman compared to the quiet
and sweet Nana of my childhood. Clearly, something had
been broken in her during these years of disaster.
It was the weight of this brokenness that I felt in my latihan
during that night early in Ramadan. Those distressing loss-
es had been so hard for this woman who had loved us all
so unconditionally. How I wept for her
that night and how deeply my heart
ached for her.
And it seemed as if that weeping itself
was a release for her, the kind of release
she had not been afforded in her own
lifetime and also a release for me
because I too carry the weight of this sor-
row from my maternal line. Strangely, I
was also aware from her presence, of a
sense of gratitude that someone loved
her enough to bear witness to this enor-
mous unacknowledged suffering.
On a Night of Power
As the Ramadan unfolded in the way
that Ramadans do – so that it seems as
if you live a mini-lifetime in 30 days – this
experience that I’ve just described completely vanished
my grandmother, I too had suffered a series of traumas
and major losses in my own life that in the same way,
occurred during a short space of time. We know how
these ancestral traumas repeat themselves in subsequent
generations.
On this particular night the deep residue of pain from my
own losses tore through my Ramadan quiet, as if the
power of the latihan within me were pushing this gigantic
thorn of unexpressed sorrow out of my bodily memory.
Now I know in my head this is a good thing, (it’s hap-
pened quite a few times before) but I have to tell you,
when it hits, it hurts like crazy and can be very scary
because it mimics a heart attack. So I lay down and got
quiet, maybe the word is ‘surrendered’, but I really didn’t
know what else to do.
After a few minutes, I ‘saw’ in my bedroom where I was
resting several familiar female spirits praying for me, one
of whom was my daughter, Mariama, who died over 18
years ago. It was so touching. I felt such quiet love and
compassion emanating from these spirits praying for me.
Suddenly, Mariama started to weep for me
cont on p 12 >
PAGE 11
 in exactly the same way I had everyone WAS celebrating Idul Fitri. I saw many older
How I wept wept for my maternal grand- Subud members who had passed on lots of familiar and
mother in that latihan at the happy faces.
for her beginning of Ramadan. I
could feel her heart aching I do remember Bapak and Ibu Sumari, particularly. I
that night for me just as I had felt my
own heart aching for my
slipped into the long line of Subud members waiting to do
Sukum to Bapak and remember going through the line
and how Nana. Her love and heartfelt
empathy washed over me.
and asking Bapak's forgiveness.

deeply my Lying there on my bed after When I snapped back to my ordinary conscious-
ness alone, I felt completely satisfied with my

•
36 years of latihan and 34
heart ached years of fasting, some barri-
cade within me and within my
Ramadan gift.

for her maternal line broke open so

that I could actually feel
great love and compassion
not only for my dear Nana, but now for myself as well. Sunny and
Surprising Twists and Turns
I’ve thought quite a bit about this experience, because it
was so dramatic. Obviously, occurring as it did during
Subversive
those last nights of the fast, such a luminous moment con-
tained an important message.
Harris Smart reviews’ The
On some level, I’ve always felt that observing the fast Great Life Farce’ by
would somehow make me a ‘better person’. Am I a bet- Campbell and Bolt...
ter person now? I’m not sure and perhaps that’s quite
beside the point. Isn’t wishing to be better in some cases It is not often in Subud
another kind of passion, or perhaps a way of avoiding that someone succeeds
who we really are? What I am is happier! in being both sunny and
subversive.
This ‘spiritual path’ we follow in Subud has surprising twists
and turns, so perfectly calibrated to our particular needs. Generally, if someone takes against Subud, they
For me that night offered a vital lesson in self-love, self-care get all bitter and twisted about it, dour and melan-
and compassion. Despite myriad imperfections, I was cholic, not to mention choleric. So we have people
beloved just as I was. Who I was, was how God made me. who ‘leave’ Subud, yet still continue to bombard the
list servers with their angry e-mails.
Additionally, I was given a poignant reminder that – as
‘alone’ as I may sometimes feel, I am tenderly watched Marcus Bolt and Dirk Campbell are amongst the few
over — as are all of us. The grace of this Ramadan expe- who can be both sunny and subversive. (And also silly,
rience opened my ‘inner eyes and heart’ to a reality that of course!)
had been hidden from me.
They’ve just published a fourth collection of cartoons
So as I have whirled, often blindly, through the ups and and prose pieces which poke fun at some of the
downs of my outer life this year, I feel buoyed up by those sacred cows in Subud. But generally, they do it lightly,
loving unseen ‘presences’ confident they are with me, and even with love. They are often exasperated by
whether I am in a place to see them or not..

•
Subud, but they still haven't given up on it.

Perhaps in Subud we are still too pious, too solemn

And here is another Ramadan experience of Halimah and too sanctimonious. I've heard it said that when
Polk’s from last year… Bapak got together with the boys he did not mind
telling a risqué joke or two.

A RAMADAN GIFT Perhaps sometimes we take ourselves a bit too seri-

ously and it is good that Dirk and Marcus are around
to give us a good kick or pinch.
On the night of the last day of fasting during a lonely
Ramadan in 1998, I went to latihan hoping to do ‘minta
I once asked Dirk and Marcus where they got their
ma'uf’ with my brothers and sisters and celebrate the
ideas from; where did they observe all these funny atti-
ending of the fast.
tudes and customs in Subud that they made fun of.
No one else in our small group had done the fast that par-
ticular year and the strange thing was that no one in our ‘Mostly by observing ourselves,’ they replied.
very sincere and diligent group came that night. Even so,
This shows an encouraging humility. Marcus and Dirk
I went ahead and did my latihan by myself and as I was
are not above us, looking down. They are right here
sitting quietly at the end of my latihan, (perhaps feeling a
bit sorry for myself) I had this experience: with us, sharing our foibles. And I believe there is a
good heart behind this collection, even if it’s all a bit
Suddenly I was ‘transported’ to the next world where subversive. cont on p 13>

PAGE 12 SUBUDVOICE

‘Subud outreach’ – from The Great Life Farce
There are many very funny cartoons and mini-
essays in this collection. I believe it is as good
as their previous collections – the famous
Bletchley Handbook, A Laugh Within a Laugh
and The Great Laugh Force.
Some new themes emerge, reflecting changing times.
For instance, there are some cartoons on the subject
of ‘gayness’.
As editor of Subud Voice, I have to say of course
that my favourite cartoon is the one which appears
on Page 31 in a section called Subud Outreach,
which shows a lady (could that be Ilaine Lennard?)
offering Subud Voice in a pub, the way the Salvation
Army distribute their War Cry. Oh happy day when our
sales will be increased in this way!
Just above it is another cartoon I like very much. It shows
a man in a hotel room opening the drawer of the bedside
table and finding within, not the ubiquitous Gideon’s
Bible, but a copy of Susila Budhi Dharma.
This book is full of good jokes. You’ll have a good laugh.
In my opinion, the more robust and well-grounded Subud
is, the more we are able to make a little fun of it (while still
being a loving and respectful). To me the very finest thing
that happened at the Innsbruck World Congress were the
daily feasts of often very cheeky videos that were made
by the young people there.
It gave me confidence that a generation of young Subud
members was coming along who were so well grounded
in Subud that they could make fun of some of our sillier
and more fuddy-duddy attitudes. This is a good sign. And
the firm of Campbell and Bolt are showing the way!
PS: Adam and God are pictured on the cover of this book
in a parody of a detail from Michelangelo's famous Sistine
Chapel ceiling. Are there any prizes for guessing who
Adam looks like and who God looks like? Hint: check out
the photos on the back cover.
For more information and to buy a copy, contact
Marcus Bolt at + 44 (0)1923 777750
•
or marcusbolt@easynet.co.uk
or go straight to www.lulu.com
SUBUDVOICE
Only One Like You
Mansur Maderios passed away in August 2007. Rasjad
Tarantino, USA, writes…
Ah Mansur…
Who now gets to enjoy your laughter and your wit and
wisdoms?
When we got to know you in Cilandak as you lived in your
monkish room stacked with books and periodicals and
newspapers, always a dim light on to read by in the wee
hours of the night, you were already special to us. Always
a new revelation concerning historical Subud, its mem-
bers and founders.
Between you and Hanafi Troncellitti we enjoyed many
hours of laughter and interesting story-banter.
Twenty–three years later finds us both within the same
vicinity on the East Coast USA. You in Fall River & Mardiyah
& I in Rhode Island.
You were so enthusiastic to do latihan together that you
arranged a side room in a Catholic church in Fall River
where we could meet twice a week. This lasted for almost
a year until my work as a resource teacher for blind
ended and I took a consulting job in R.I.
We resumed latihan in my house where an arrangement
was made to pick you up from the bus stop in Swansea,
MA. We enjoyed many a fine lunch prepared by
Mardiyah following latihan. You never were interested in
joining any group latihan such as the one in Boston.
Mansur Madeiros in the 1970s at the doorway of his ‘hermit’s room’ in
Cilandak where he lived for many years.
(Photo by Sylvia Destombe)
When you got interested in something you went whole-
hearted into it. Such as when you were given your own
office at Harvard to do your researches using all of the
Universities resources.
You plunged yourself into Islam and grew your full-on
beard and learned all the prayers which you practiced
with all intensity, until I feared you to have been taken
over by the Imam extremists.
Suddenly, 9/11! You were so horrified that this act could
cont on p 124>
PAGE 13
be perpetrated by Muslims on your beloved New York
and its citizens that you immediately threw Islamic religion
and all new Muslim friends and Imams far away, refusing
to have anything more to do with Islam and its advo-
cates.
It was interesting to us to witness the beginning and end
to what we considered an extremist viewpoint from you.
We were glad you shaved off you Santa Claus beard. Still
you were on the search for something that could fulfil the
need for something you could believe in.
You had many qualms about Subud and the latihan,
although you always maintained that you experienced
many benefits from practicing the latihan.
About the time when we felt to make a move to the West
Coast you really hurt me by saying you didn’t want to see
us anymore because we ‘stink too much of Subud’. We
lost touch after that for a couple of years until something
came up whose answer you would know. You of course
didn’t remember making any such remark that would
hurt as much as it did.
When I realised that you felt friendly towards us I was able
to toss the negative impression out of my system.
Now you are truly gone, dead, true to the end of being
the loner scholar monk. You who said what a relief it is not
to feel the sexual drive anymore.(and I expressing what a
loss that has to be).
You are unique, only one like you. In some unexplainable
way, you have made yourself to be lovable. A perfect
and always interesting companion and friend to have
near. I will always remember you Mansur.
I truly hope you will be with companions in another life
who are as intelligently searching and honest, mirthful
and witty, as you have been in this life.
Goodbye my dear brother, goodbye.
• enabled Harlinah to spend long periods of time in
Stephanie Healey &
Services to Subud
Anthony Bright-Paul, UK, writes…
I have received an email from Rachman Hopwood that
his partner Stephanie Healey has passed away after a
long illness and a month's stay in hospital.
Now I have never met Rachman Hopwood or Stephanie
Healey, but many of us are indebted to them for having
put together one of the most beautiful sites on the web -
the Undiscovered Worlds Press.
It is there that one can read works of Prio Hartono, which
otherwise might be lost, and various other authors, as my
friend Raymond van Sommers and Siti Muti'ah Lestiono.
Of course there are also the contributions of Stephanie
herself. We are also indebted to them for negotiating with
the Bennett family to place ‘Concerning Subud’ on the
PAGE 14
web for all the world to read for free.
I am personally indebted to them, for ‘My Stairway to
Subud’ would never have re-appeared without their
help. First of all the whole text was placed on their site,
and subsequently Stephanie worked with Page Maker
long hours to make my book into a form that was acces-
sible by BookSurge. Furthermore she also encouraged me
in my writing of verse and indeed said that I was a 'poet',
which was praise indeed. Her son in England also did the
book cover of My Stairway.
So Rachman this is my letter of condolence to you, as you
and Stephanie have trod an independent way. As you
can see I have tried in my reply to you to include and
inform some of the best of friends, who like me may never
have met either of you and yet are indebted to both for
the work that they have done.
I can think of no better monument to Stephanie
than that we should include in our emails to our var-
ious friends during this Holy Month of Ramadan a
link to the site www.undiscoveredworldspress.com
as in this way we can perhaps spread the work to
which Stephanie devoted herself.
•
Harlinah Hamer
Harlinah Hamer passed away on the morning of Tuesday
July 24. She will be remembered by her many friends all
round the world. She was an outgoing and vibrant per-
sonality beloved by many.
Harlinah was also a model of the enterprising Subud
woman. For many years she ran her own business where
she designed clothes, had them made in Java and
imported them to Australia where she sold them through
a shop in Perth. It was an ingenious little business as it
Cilandak where of course she was a fixture in that well-
known house of single women known as ‘The Nunnery’.
In more recent years she became a travelling saleswom-
an. She packed up her station wagon with the clothes
and artefacts she imported from all parts of the world and
drove around to the many festivals and carnivals that are
held in Australia. There she set up a stall and sold her
wares. She managed to combine being a business lady
with her love of the music festival scene.
She died after a painful illness but her last months were
also marked by joy as she married the psychiatrist Andrew
Firestone who had been her partner in working with the
victims of trauma in East Timor.
Even though confined to hospital, she had never seemed
more alive than in these last months.
A splendid evening of Remembrance for Harlinah was
held in the Melbourne Subud Hall in September. It was
attended by more than 70 people including friends, rela-
tives and Subud members. It was an evening of both tears
and laughter as we shared our memories of Harlinah.
May she sing and dance in heaven as she loved to
do on earth.
SUBUDVOICE
•
Obituary for Halimah Halimah passed away peacefully on Saturday morning
17th March 2007 just hours after suffering a heart attack.
Our last memories of our mother are of a woman strong,
Jones calm, gentle, and graceful. She was a person who lived
her principles; and through her steadfast faith she
Halimah Jones was born Ursula Linke on 10th July 1941.
Her family was riven by the war, and she lost her father at
the age of two and a half.
achieved a genuine peace and acceptance.
•
She grew up to be a beautiful woman, always poised and
WORLD LATIHAN
elegant, someone who made heads turn, and had a
much commented-on aura of mystique and glamour. NOVEMBER 4
She studied languages at the Sorbonne university in Paris
and could speak English, French and Italian fluently. 10.00 (GMT)
She lost her mother to cancer, after several years' illness, DECEMBER 1-2
in 1963. During the 1960s and 1970s she worked as a trans-
lator and for a while in the airline industry and enjoyed 20.00 (GMT)
travelling and seeing the world. In 1970 she found Subud.
She attended the 1971 World Congress in Jakarta and To find the corresponding time in your part of
moved to Cilandak to live in the mid ‘70’s - where she
met Robijan Jones and they married in June 1977. They the world go to
moved to the UK that year, and their son Hardwin was www.timeanddate.com/worldclock
born there in 1978, and daughter Lilian in 1982.

A D V E R T I S E M E N T

Stefan Freedman’s
new laugh aloud book
‘heaven for cat lovers’
Lost Cat
You put signs up
For miles around
With my picture
And a reward offered
You dingaling!
I don't do that
Every time you go off
On holiday

‘an ideal gift’

Orders /more details
orders@trafford.com
www.trafford.com/06-3314

SUBUDVOICE PAGE 15
 Advertisements
ILAINA LOOKING FOR WORK
Ilaina Lennard, former editor of SUBUD MUSIC BY
BAPAK’S TALKS
VOLUME
NOW AVAILABLE
16
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reading / editing. Reasonable rates, SUBUD ARTISTS • Other £16
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Speaking In Tongues £11.00 fax: +44 (0) 1727 858080 International
BOOKS AND CDs BY • Harlan Cockburn
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Ship Without Rudder £11.00
HARRIS SMART • Leonard Paice
Harris’s Smart’s book Destiny is still available. It The Ashgrove £11.00 SUBUDVOICE
contains three great Subud stories. Arifin Prices include postage anywhere.
Konrad’s description of his ascension; Lailah is published monthly.
(Credit Card option on website)
Armstrong’s story of how she was led to do her DEADLINE FOR NEXT ISSUE:
work with ICDP; and recollections of times
DJC Records
spent with German artist Richard Engels. See 104 Constitution Hill, 31 November 2007
below for prices and ordering information. Norwich, NR34 BB UK.
ARTICLES & PHOTOS:
Harris also has some song and story CDs… clague@paston.co.uk Send to Harris Smart, Editor Subud Voice,
Precious Morning is a collection of 10 original
songs performed by Harris and some top musi- www.djcrecords.co.uk preferably by email to
editor@subudvoice.net or by post to:
cians and singers.
22 Holland Ave, Dingley,
Stud in her Tongue is another collection of VIC, 3172, Australia.
songs including some satires on contem- MUSIC & THEATRE Tel: + 61 3 95118122
porary life.
Ipanema is a story with original songs about a
JAMBOREE SUBSCRIPTIONS:
Bradford Temple, PO Box 311,
visit Harris made to Brazil a few years ago It New Year’s Music and Theatre Dapto, NSW, 2530, Australia
features some singing by Harris's wife Piata. Jamboree at La Source French Email: admin@subudvoice.net
Pyrenees… Tel: +61 2 42615566
Foolish Things is a satirical Christmas story with
Fax: + 61 2 42621725
carols and popular songs sung by Piata. What We welcome you again to La RATES WORLDWIDE per 12 issues:
a superb Christmas gift! Just the thing to get Source for the New Year’s Music Groups AUD$70* (incl mailing)
you through the post prandial stupor after the and Theatre Jamboree. We have
turkey and plum pud. Individuals AUD$80* (incl mailing)
added theatre as we have learnt OnLine AUD$50*
People are really talking about Harris's music many theatre games this year *10% discount for pensioners over 60
these days. For instance, while attending the that we can all play together as PAYMENTS: (Australian Dollars only)
cricket the other day, Sir Mick Jagger was well as making music, dancing preferably by Credit Card – please provide
overheard to say, ‘These songs by Harris are and having fun… your name, address, card number, card
really good. If I had written them in 1965, they
expiry date and your signature
would now be world-famous. The dates will be from Saturday as on card and fax to the
‘People would have made love to them, bro- the 29th of December to Saturday subscription fax above. International Bank
ken up to them, been reconciled to them. the 5th of January… people who
Drafts and Money Orders should be made
People would have heard useful little philo- wish to arrive earlier must let us
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sophical messages in them that they would know…
subscription address above.
have applied to their own lives. They would
ADVERTISEMENTS: 50 cents a word.
have permeated the texture of millions upon The special New Year’s jamboree
Minimum charge AUD$15.00.
millions of lives, just as my songs have done. price is 30? per person per day, all
(Third World countries – no charge).
inclusive, with everyone helping in
‘Unfortunately, they were not written by me in SUBMISSIONS MAY BE EDITED:
1965, but by Harris in 2005, and consequently
the kitchen, so come along and
Submissions to Subud Voice may be
nobody has ever heard of them. Harris is very bring your instruments and your
edited for a variety of reasons including
talented, but somehow lacks timing and posi- good humour.
the need to shorten them or improve
tioning. But his songs and stories are at the top expression. If you do not want your
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Contact The opinions expressed in the various articles are the
sole responsibility of their authors and can not be seen as
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to order by phone : + 33 (0)5 6240 9857
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registered marks of the World Subud Association.

PAGE 16 SUBUDVOICE