11/17/2010
HOW TO SUPPORT RECOVERY
AND
NOT SUPPORT ADDICTION
RON HARRISON
HE’S ALL YOURS!!
WHAT INSANITY MEANS!!
INSANITY TAKES MANY FORMS:
I WISH HE WOULD…...
WHY DOESN’T SHE…..
HE SHOULD…
IF ONLY SHE WOULD….
WHY AM I LYING FOR HIM?
WHY AM I TAKING HIM TO DETROIT TO BUY
DRUGS?
(con’t)
INSANITY
DOING THE SAME THING
THE
SAME WAY
AND
EXPECTING
A DIFFERENT RESULT
YOUR INSANITY NOT
YOUR ADDICT’S
INSANITY!..
(INSANITY CON’T)
WHY HAVE I BECOME SO DISHONEST?
WHY CAN’T I TELL HER…
WHY DOES HE WANT TO HURT ME? I WISH SHE
WOULD ONLY SMOKE POT
WHY DOESN’T HE UNDERSTAND WHAT HE’S DOING
TO HIMSELF? (TO ME?)
I AM WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO HELP HER, BUT…
HE HAS TO WANT HELP FOR IT TO WORK
I THOUGHT I TAUGHT HIM RIGHT FROM WRONG,
NOT TO LIE, ETC..
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ADDICTIONS LIST (Anything taken to an extreme can become an addiction)

Alcohol Aspirin Aerosol Sniffing Action TEN MOST COMMON ADDICTIONS
Adrenalin Amphetamines Anti Depressants Anime
Applause Art Arson Asthma
Attention Auto Racing Bulimia Barbiturates 1. ALCOHOL ADDICTION
Betting Beastiality Body Building Colas
CoDependency Cocaine/Crack Caffeine Coffee
Coin Collection Crime Dieting Drugs 2. SMOKING
Drunk Driving Diuretics Ego Exercising
Endorphins Fantasizing Food Addiction Fetishes
Fame Gambling Heroin/Opiates Husbands 3. DRUG ADDICTION
Isolation Imagination Inhalants Internet
Joking Job Junk Collecting Kinky Sex
Kleptomania Lust Laziness Love
4. GAMBLING
Masturbation Masochism Meetings Men
Marriage Muscle Relaxants Marijuana Over Working 5. FOOD ADDICTION
Over Anything Occult Prayer Pleasure
Phobia’s Prescription Drugs Pornography Religion
Relationships Race Track Betting Risky Behavior Sedatives 6. VIDEO GAMES
Sex Addiction Sadism Satanism Smoking
Shopping Serotonin Self-Ego Self Help Books
Self Mutilation Spotlights Sniffing Solvents Sleeping 7. INTERNET ADDICTION
Sleeping Pills Shock Treatment Speed Steroids
Torturing Television Therapy Thinners
THC Thrills Tobacco Tramadol 8. SEX ADDICTION
Tranquilizers Travel Trichotillomania Ultram
Underachieving Vandalism Vicodin Video
Video Games Violence Voodoo Vomiting 9. SHOPPING
Voyeurism Wealth Weed Weightlifting
Wives Women Work Wheat flour
X-Box XXX Movies Young Sex Zoo Sex 10. WORK ADDICTION

COMPICATORS IN YOUR EFFORT TO HELP AN ADDICT

1. You grew up with a chemically dependent parent FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE EVENING

2. Your grandparent(s) were chemically dependent SET

3. You were emotionally abused
YOUR
4. You were sexually abused

5. You were physically abused RATIONAL

6. You were emotionally/verbally abused

7. Your significant other is/was chemically dependent.

THINKING
8. You are chemically dependent..
ASIDE!

PROGRESSION OF ADDICTION/CODEPENDENCY
PROGRESSION OF ADDICT
ADDICTION/CODEPENDENCY
Early Middle Late

ADDICT no visible effects beginning to have must use to prevent

impact withdrawal.
on daily life without treatment
Early Middle Late will result in death
_________________________________________________________________________________
no visible effects beginning to have must use to prevent
impact withdrawal.
on daily life without treatment
PROGRESSION FOR YOU
will result in death. Early Middle Late
_________________________________________________________________________________
no visible effects beginning to feel feel compelled
responsible for the to help.
addict. feel anger, anxious
compulsion to help. Scared, pity, insecure
feelings of guilt overwhelmed
desperate.

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MODIFIED JOHARI’S WINDOW MODIFIED JOHARI’S WINDOW

YOU
YOU YOU and
OTHERS

MODIFIED JOHARI’S WINDOW MODIFIED JOHARI’S WINDOW

YOU YOU
YOU and YOU and
OTHERS OTHERS

NO
OTHERS OTHERS
ONE

MODIFIED JOHARI’S WINDOW PSYCHOLOGICALLY HEALTHY PERSON

YOU
YOU and
OTHERS Y
YOU
O
AND
UNCONSCIOUS U
NO SUBCONSCIOUS OTHERS
OTHERS MEMORIES
ONE REPRESSED
MEMORIES NO
OTHERS
ONE

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CODEPENDENCY
ADDICT
(YOU?)

O
T
H Y
E O
YOU R OTHERS U
S

YOU and OTHERS NO YOU and OTHERS NO

ONE ONE

THE WINNER
THE PERFECT
MATCH

ADDICT
ADDICT CODEPENDENT ADDICT
YOU

LEVELS OF ADDICTION LEVELS 0F ADDICTION (CON’T)

1. COMPLETE DENIAL COMPLETE DENIAL

This is a very difficult level to impact. Denial drops as
consequences increase (i.e. 3 months non-reporting THINK ABOUT IT
probation has less effect on denial than 6 months in
You’re lecturing about bad heroin, dirty needles, and
jail –or- throwing up after using has less effect than
withdrawal while the addict is sticking a needle in his/her
spending 3 days in the hospital after an overdose)
arm and buying heroin in the worst neighborhoods
imaginable.
At this level your job is to create CONSEQUENCES.
Addicts get well through a series of consequences as
What YOUR ADDICT is thinking: “when will she stop, I have
opposed to rational discussions about the dangers of
heard this lecture 50 times, I need to get some heroin, I
marijuana, crack, heroin, etc.
(con’t)
don’t want to get dope sick”.
(con’t)

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LEVELS OF ADDICTION (CON’T)

LEVELS OF ADDICTION (CON’T) 3. THEY ADMIT TO THEIR PROBLEM AND SAY
THEY ARE WILLING TO CHANGE,
2. THEY ARE ADMITTING TO THEIR PROBLEMS,
BUT ARE RELUCTANT TO TAKE ACTION: BUT
This person is still in denial, but isn’t able to consider living ONLY ON THEIR OWN TERMS:
without chemicals, even though they know they have a problem.
Your job is to continue with creating consequences and assuring
them that help is available. During this level assurances that
This is denial in its sneakiest form. FEAR is
recovery is possible are helpful. Having someone who is recovering holding them back. They are close to making a life
talk with this person is always good. change.
One consequence, one assurance, one talk with a recovering Your job is to be helpful and supportive. Again,
person will not do the trick. Getting into a recovery mode is a talking with someone who is recovering and tried
process not and event. “to do it their way”
MANY consequences assurances, talks are more appropriate. will be helpful.
(con’t)

(con’t)

WHO ARE THE PLAYERS?

The cycle of addiction and your codependency with alcoholics, or any
other type of addict requires three main people/groups of people:
LEVELS OF ADDICTION (CON’T)
1.THE ENABLERS:
Those who allow/excuse/finance/bailout the alcoholic/addict
4. THEY ACCEPT THEIR ADDICTION
AND WILL DO 2.THE PERSECUTORS:
ALMOST ANYTHING YOU SUGGEST Those who stir up the pot in order to put the alcoholic/addict on the
defense.
This is a person completely surrendering, and
Represents someone who is ready to change. 3.THE VICTIMS:
Your job is to get them to a treatment center Those who wallow in the excuse that someone is abusing/picking
or a twelve step meeting, and get on/insulting/not recognizing their good qualities
out of the way..
The enables, persecutors, and victims occupy all of these roles at
various times to varying degrees - this switching of roles makes it very
difficult to assess anything until a crisis occurs.

THE RESCUING ENABLER ADVICE AND BADGERING

1. Ignores own needs
2. Maintains control of…
3. Creates safe environment for the addict
4. Believes they can manipulate the addict into
becoming healthy
5. Feels personal blame when things don’t go right
6. Takes credit for addict’s success
We all know how worthless it is for advice to fall on deaf ears.
Repeating ourselves over and over again
CREATES
deaf ears.
There are no hard and fast rules, different
personalities call for different approaches.
Always use a caring respectful approach instead of
a threatening one.

7. Links addict’s success to their competency as a But be firm, specific and clear
person Do not waver or cave in.
8. Second guesses every decision made.. Ultimatums that you do not intend (or can’t) carry out
are useless and diminish your credibility and
power to influence.

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TO HELP AND ADDICT YOU MUST SET ASIDE YOUR RATIIONAL HOW CAN I HELP AN ADDICT?
THINKING - THIS IS NOT A RATIONAL PROBLEM!!!!

ADDICT BEHAVIOR ENABLERS BEHAVIOR 1. UNDERSTAND ADDICTION IN ORDER TO HELP

AN ADDICT
“My life sucks” “Your life sucks”
therefore therefore
“I use drugs” “You use drugs a. Understanding addiction is a critical first step.
therefore therefore b. The disease model does a decent job of describing what
“my life sucks when I don’t” “I will we see in the real world.
therefore therefore c. Note that addiction can affect potentially anyone,
“I use more” including those who:
or
“I use because “I must not have done 1. Have no apparent genetic predisposition for
you make my something right or I addiction…
life worse” need to do more” 2. Have very little environmental risk.
3. Have no moral shortcomings or laziness.
CONSEQUENCES=RECOVERY (SOMETIMES (con’t)
MANY, MANY CONSEQUENCES AND NEEDED)

HOW CAN I HELP AN ADDICT (CON’T)

HOW CAN I HELP AN ADDICT (CON’T)
2. GET HELP YOURSELF IN ORDER TO HELP THE
ADDICT
a. We cannot control an addict - -but we can control our
own behavior with a sick, suffering, manipulating,
lying, dishonest addict.
b. See a substance abuse therapist, attend 12 step
meetings, or group therapy with others affected by
addiction.
c. Read/get educated. Do not rely on life experiences.
d. Keep a diary of actions (yours and the addicts), money
spent, resources, incidents, etc.
(con’t)
3. ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES AND SET LIMITS WITH
THE ADDICT
a. Be specific
b. Boundary setting is difficult because there is this
fear of hurting another’s feelings (addicts count on this
c. Not setting boundaries keeps you sick -
caring more about the addict’s feelings than your
own personal well being. (again addicts count on this)
d. You know you are setting effective boundaries when
you are taking control of your life instead of being
all wrapped up in the problems of the addict.
e. Keeping a healthy emotional distance is crucial to help
an addict.
(CON’T)

HOW CAN I HELP AN ADDICT (CON’T)

4. CONFRONTING THE ADDICT

a. Any time you casually approach an addict or talk with them
about help is an example of an informal intervention. HOW CAN I HELP AN ADDICT (CON’T)

b. Helping an addict is often like sowing seeds. They take a long

time to germinate and you need to sow MANY to get some to
grow.

C Confronting an addict is not about pestering them. It is about

being straightforward, specific and timely when you have the 5. ORGANIZE A FORMAL
opportunity. INTERVENTION..
d. Many addicts get help after a simple comment, or telephone
conversation finally gets there attention.

d. Make sure the addict knows that help is available when they
want it.

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TYPES OF THERAPISTS
TRADITIONAL THERAPIST:
Deal with “traditional problems”
Are client oriented
Non directive
Start therapy with where the patient is, or with what the patient
EXTERNAL MOTIVATION
wants to talk about CREATES
Traditional therapy works when working with traditional
problems EXTERNAL CONSEQUENCES
ADDICTION THERAPIST: CREATES
Confrontive INTERNAL MOTIVATION
Likely to be more direct regarding what the patient talks about
Focusing on addiction and then underlying issues
More likely to take charge if the patient is lying, denying,
manipulating or minimizing..

DETACHMENT
RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE! One of the key principles that will help you in dealing with a
struggling addict is detachment.
BUT, NOT THE WAY YOUR ARE
DOING IT… The idea is to separate yourself emotionally from the
damaging effects of your relationship with the addict.
SPONTANEOUS RECOVERY RARELY The idea is to care/love them while detaching from their
(IF EVER) HAPPENS. continual, escalating problems.

CONSPIRACY OF SILENCE AND You can care/love for them but not feel like you are
ADDICTION responsible for them.

THE MORE THE MERRIER Detachment is not getting all wrapped up emotionally by
the addict’s destructive behavior.
BELIEVE RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE!
DON’T GET STUCK IN ALL THE DRAMA!!!

(Detachment page 2)
CHARACTERISTICS YOU NEED TO BE EFFECTIVE WITH
DETACHMENT IN THE REAL WORLD AN ADDICT

1. Don’t do things that the addict should be doing themselves. 1. RESPECT

2. Don’t bend over backwards to rescue them or save them from 2. CONFRONTATION SKILLS
natural consequences. 3. POTENCY
3. Don’t cover up for their mistakes or embarrassing situations. 4. SELF ACTUALIZATION

4. Don’t rescue them from crisis or financial situations. 5. EMPATHY

5. Don’t try to fix them. 6. IMMEDIACY

7. GENUINENESS
6. Don’t give them ultimatums that you can’t enforce.
8. CONCREATNESS
7. Don’t try to guilt or shame them
9. WARMTH
8. Let go of any guilt you may have about them.
10. SELF DISCLOSURE
WORK AT MAKING THESE POSITIVE STATEMENTS..

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ADDICTS TOOLS FOR RECOVERY

(ONCE ACTIVE USING STOPS)

1. HONESTY YOU
ADDICT
2. CONFRONTATION Respect S
U Honesty
Confrontation
3. DEALING WITH FEELINGS P Confrontation
Potency
P To deal with feelings
4. PROBLEM SOLVING Self Actualization
O How to solve problems
Empathy
5. SELF DISCIPLINE R Self Disclosure
Immediacy
T Responsibility
Genuineness
6. RESPONSIBILITY S Asking for what they need
Concreteness
Listening.
7. ASKING FOR WHAT THEY NEED Warmth
Self-disclosure
8. LISTENING
(con’t)

DOWN THE ROAD FOR THE ADDICT

(LATER IN RECOVERY)

1. HELPING OTHERS DOWN THE ROAD FOR YOU

2. DEALING WITH THEIR PAST (BOTH WHILE

ADDICTED AND PROIR TO ADDICTION)
1. THERAPY
3. MEND THE BRIDGES THEY HAVE BROKEN AND
BURNED 2. CONTINUED SELF
EXAMINATION
4. SCHOOL
3. 12-STEP MEETINGS
5. CAREER

Often parents, spouses and friends are eager to

support these and bypass the “Tools for Recovery”
thereby insuring that relapse returns.

TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become STEP 6
unmanageable. WERE ENTIRELY READY TO HAVE GOD
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we REMOVE ALL THESE DEFECTS OF
understood Him. CHARACTER.
4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature
of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. STEP 7
8. Make a list of all persons we have harmed, and became willing to make HUMBLY ASKED HIM TO REMOVE OUR
amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so SHORTCOMINGS
would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly
admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact
with with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge
His will for us and the power to carry that out. THEN GET TO WORK!!!
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to
carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles
in all our affairs.

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RULE 62

DON’T TAKE YOURSELF

TOO SERIOUSLY!