What Happened to Marriage?

“It used to be common for men and women to get a marriage

certificate not too long after collecting their high school diploma.
Not anymore.”1 So began an article in The Houston Chronicle entitled
“Singles in No Hurry to Marry.” One need not argue for marriage
right out of high school to see the significance in current trends.
Armas’s article is based on research that showed that one third of
men and one quarter of women between the ages of thirty and
thirty-four have never been married. Those numbers are nearly
four times as high as they were in 1970.2
Thus, we are not talking about a cultural trend toward replac-
ing high school graduation with college graduation as the bench-
mark for when young people should get married. We’re talking
about thirty- to thirty-four-year-olds. This trend is about more
than timing. We are seeing a complete cultural shift in our per-
ception of marriage as the preferred state. In fact, I believe this
trend is foreshadowing something far more serious—a wholesale
rejection of marriage as an institution.
In an article titled “The Return of Patriarchy? Fatherhood
and the Future of Civilization,” R. Albert Mohler, president of the
Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, echoes this sentiment as
he boldly notes:

[A] great deal of cultural capital is required in order to encourage

young men to marry and men of all ages to fulfill responsibilities
as husbands and fathers. The normative picture of the “good life”
for men, at least as presented in the dominant media culture, does
not include the comprehensive responsibilities of fatherhood.

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 What He Must Be

When men are not stigmatized for failure to be faithful as hus-

bands and fathers, young men will take marriage and parenthood
with little significance, as many will avoid marriage and father-
hood altogether.3

This is certainly not the kind of statement one expects from a

seminary professor. However, the issue of men avoiding marriage
is a serious matter with myriad ramifications.
Pastors and theologians are not alone in this assessment.
David Popenoe of Rutgers University’s National Marriage Project
puts an even finer point on the matter in his essay “The Future of
Marriage in America.” Popenoe goes beyond the issue of the grow-
ing number of young men who fail to marry and addresses the
deterioration of the very institution of marriage. After relating the
staggering statistical evidence he has collected, Popenoe writes:

There can be no doubt that the institution of marriage has con-

tinued to weaken in recent years. Whereas marriage was once the
dominant and single acceptable form of living arrangement for
couples and children, it is no longer. Today, there is more “family
diversity:” [sic] Fewer adults are married, more are divorced or
remaining single, and more are living together outside of marriage
or living alone.4

This trend has grown bleaker in recent years. Any way you
look at it, marriage is in trouble.
“Gay and lesbian couples rushed for marriage licenses across
California on Tuesday, one day after the first legally recognized
same-sex weddings in the state.”5 That was a June 17, 2008, head-
line story on Breitbart.com. With a 4-3 decision by the 9th Circuit
Court, the will of California voters who spoke out to the tune of
a 61 percent majority on the issue of marriage was set aside, and
“gay marriage” is a reality in my home state. According to the
report, “Analysts estimate that around 51,000 of the 102,000 same-
sex couples living in California will wed over the next three years,
with a further 67,500 couples from outside the state expected to
marry during the same period.”6
With gay marriage advocates on the march in numerous
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 The Ministry of Marriage

states, many are sounding the alarm. “This could mean the end
of marriage” is the resounding cry. Well, here’s a news flash: even
without gay marriage we could be seeing the proverbial end of
the institution as we know it. And there are a number of reasons
to be alarmed.