Escaping Your Own Shadow

Scott Gerson, M.D., M. Phil. (Ayu), Ph.D. (Ayu)

The goal of Ayurveda is to help each individual develop a strong intuitive relationship with Nature, and through
that relationship, receive wisdom for living a long, healthy life. That intuitive relationship is dependent on each
individual’s connection with his or her original or essential nature (i.e. Prakriti)—a connection which is perfectly
intact at birth and early childhood but which is broken soon after. A combination of both physical and mental
factors cause this disconnection. Ayurveda regards the re-establishment of that connection with one’s essential
nature to be of tantamount importance both for maintaining health and for experiencing the higher human
potentials.

The main obstacle to re-establishing one’s connection to one’s essential nature is not wrong diet, inappropriate
lifestyle, or even bio-toxicity. It is an aspect of the human mind known as Ahaṃkāra. Ahaṃkāra, or egoism, is the
amalgamation of pre-existing and acquired thoughts, likes, dislikes, attractions, aversions, and desires which
creates a “shadow” self or false self, distinct from one’s True Self. It crystallizes into a “personality.” That shadow
self creates the illusion of separateness and has its own selfish agenda which manifests as desires, attachments,
and goals which further reinforce the feeling of separation and makes the individual falsely feel distinct from the
rest of the creation and from the Creator. The main evil of Ahaṃkāra is that it veils the True Self and causes the
loss of recognition that the entire universe is One; in reality there is nothing else. It is that One that appears as
many but the wise know this is simply illusion (Maya). The perception of “you” and “I” exists only because of our
very limited consciousness.

The Isa Upanishad tells us that the entire universe is pure consciousness (Brahman) which is the doer of all
actions and events of the world big and small. However, Ahaṃkāra has us believe that we are the doers and
owners of the world.

Ahaṃkāra is the source of our acquired negative character traits. Some archetypal ones are selfishness, vanity,
cowardice, narcissism, deceitful, laziness, etc. Furthermore, we are normally completely unaware of these
negative traits because Ahaṃkāra also creates an elaborate system of internal defenses and armors which cloaks
them and keeps us blind to them. Ahaṃkāra fiercely protects these character traits and defense mechanisms
because they are essential for maintaining the illusion of a sense of separate self. Ahaṃkāra influences Manas
which receives sensory input and reacts in either appropriate, healthy ways, or in Ahaṃkāra-colored inappropriate
ways.

These armors and defenses shield us from the friction arising from the many, many internal contradictions we
have in our opinions, ideas, feelings, words, and actions. If a person was truly and fully aware of all these
contradictions, he would become insane. So, because we cannot destroy these contradictions, we armor
ourselves against them with mental shock-absorbers until we barely notice them.

But should those shock absorbers be removed, that individual would experience the cataclysmic impact of all his
or her contradictory opinions, emotions, ideas, words, etc. With our armors safely and securely in place we are
spared all that turmoil; we are lulled into a kind of trance—a programmed mechanical life of non-awareness
which we call our “normal” state. We cannot see the world (or ourselves) for what it truly is; we see only through
the hazy filter of Ahaṃkāra with its likes, dislikes, prejudices and obsessions.

The ancient Ayurvedic sages recognized this monumental problem. How can we ever hope to understand the
subtle nature of foods, plants, things and persons as they truly are, unless we can rid ourselves of this distorting
personal bias? How can true knowledge arise, and how can we ever attain the true wisdom that comes through
intuition and direct connection to Nature, unless we can somehow transcend Ahaṃkāra? For surely the intuition
of a man or woman still controlled by Ahaṃkāra is only a projection of personal biases and viewpoints and
nothing more.

The answer to this question is a fundamental inner life practice that has appeared in many traditions under many
different names. In all cases, the essence of this practice is self-observation. In other words, the practice of
directing your attention inwardly and gradually becoming aware of the thoughts and feelings and all the other
phenomena which arise within the mind. There are various ways to perform this practice, including several
authentic forms of meditation. Whatever approach is taken, the initial experience is always the same: recognition
of your own mechanical, habitual patterns and the tenacity with which certain preoccupations dominate the mind.

It is the very fact that you can witness and then describe these internal patterns, as if you were a detached
outside observer, which helps weaken these habits and render them less automatic and compulsive. If you can
talk about them, thoughts come to be seen as “other than myself” rather than “part of myself.” With continued
practice, the “observer” rather than the particular thought or feeling you are having, begins to emerge as your
real self.

Finally, the stark reality is that our five senses are largely responsible for our delusion and disturbances of the
mind. By constantly contacting sense objects in the world, the senses bind the mind to the sense objects.
Especially if the senses are overstimulated (but even in normal circumstances), this attachment gives rise to the—
often subconscious—desire for sense objects. Out of this desire comes passions, misinterpretations, delusions,
fears, anger, loss of memory, confusion, and ultimately a greatly weakened Buddhi and dominating Ahaṃkāra.

So what is the other important practice for one seeking Truth? Establish mental stability by withdrawing the mind
from the sense objects the way a tortoise withdraws its head and limbs. By controlling the senses and observing
the internal patterns of the mind you may awaken to your essential Self. To support this I offer a famous passage
from the Bhagavad Gita which declares:

Tatraikagram manah krtva yatacittendriyakriyah

Upavisyasane yunjad yogamatmavisuddhaye BG VI/12

“With his mind directed to a single object, he who controls thought and the activity of the senses Should sit
and practice Yoga for the purpose of self-purification.”

Here “Yoga” refers to meditation.

As I concluding remark I will add that the conquering of Ahaṃkāra and learning control of the senses are the
foundation for self-discovery by any path or tradition. Whether it be bhaktiyoga path (devotion), Jnanayoga path
(knowledge), or the path of the ascetic, control of the desires and breaking the grip of ego-consciousness are
prerequisite. As I was taught many years ago by a very wise man, due to its conditioning, the mind is always
strongly pulled toward its objects and cannot be taken away from undesirable objects without patience. Cultivate
patience in life for patience alone is capable of controlling the mind and is the instrument by which the mind
controls itself.