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Bianca Cardenas

Professor Corri Ditch

English 115

05 December 2018

Writing Progress

In this class, I have completed three different projects: Space, Text, and Media. Each of

these projects consisted of an essay about a certain topic that has to be argued. As the class

progressed, the requirements for the essays has increased and the essays became more strict on

grading. Writing is a difficult process, it takes to to develop ideas and find supporting evidence.

Though this class I have been able to improve on my writing and learn to fix my mistakes from

the feedback I received from the Learning Resource Center, my classmates, and my professor.

For Project Space, I have written about what space (internal or external) does the articles

by the Dalai Lama and Cutler, Brooks, Hill, and Lyubomirsky focus on and what argument about

happiness does each author present and how do they suggest we can transform this space. Before

starting the essay, the professor gave the class assignments that helped with the writing process.

The assignments allowed me to gather evidence, develop a thesis, and prepare for the essay. I

began with an outline and took it to the Learning Resource Center in order to get feedback on

what I have had so far. The tutor looked over what I have had and she said that I need to explain

more on why I am arguing about space and that I need more details on my introduction. She

made the suggestion to change my introduction sentence it does not introduce the topic that I

need to talk about. I took the suggestion from the tutor, and I revised my introduction so that it

follows into what my topic is. This helped me improve on my introduction of my essay. When I
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had written my first draft, the professor allowed the class to peer edit their classmates essays. I

got helpful feedback from my peers on how to develop my ideas and my thesis. My peers

suggested I had to go back and explain what each other is arguing about. They also made the

suggestion to rephase some of my sentences, and pointed out some grammar mistakes that I have

made. When I had fixed those mistakes and took my peers suggestions, I have written my

polished final draft. After I had turned it in, I received my grade and feedback from my

professor. From my professor’s feedback, I have been able to see the mistakes that I have made

and what I need to fix. The feedback showed I need to work on improving my analysis for my

evidence because I had good evidence but I didn’t explain it in depth. The structure of my essay

had flaws, but my paragraphs were linked well with my thesis and I’ve had some grammar

mistakes. With this feedback I was able to correct my mistakes. For the revised version of my

final draft, I had to change the past tense words into present tense because the professor has said

the essay has to be in present tense. I fixed my grammar mistakes by using the website

Grammarly, so I wouldn’t have runoff sentences or commas in wrong places. I’ve added more

analysis to my evidence, so that it supports my thesis. I modified some words like you into one

because for this essay I couldn’t use words like you, us, or we. The feedback helped me see

mistakes that I have made.

The topic for Project Text was to pick two characters from the book the ​Guernsey

Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society,​ and argue those characters are happy. I got feedback from

the same process I did for Project Space. I went to the Learning Resource Center when I

completed my outline. I got my peers feedback for my first draft and my professor’s feedback for

my final draft. One my final draft, the professor wrote the quote that I had in the beginning, isn’t
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effective. The quote I used was,“​The Second World War (WWII) was one of the major

transformative events of the 20th century, with 39 million deaths in Europe alone” (Kesternich,

1). ​For my revised final draft, I removed this quote from my essay because it was common

knowledge on World War II. I also fixed some grammar mistakes that the professor pointed out

and I use Grammarly to find the other mistakes. I changed words that are in past tense into

present tense because for all the essay they had to be written in present tense. From the feedback,

I changed my thesis statement because it was unclear what it was throughout the essay. My

thesis is somewhat developed, but it needs more support to back it up. For the first body

paragraph, I added more support on why Juliet is a happy character, so this can help support my

thesis. My counterargument for Eben being happy has to much evidence, and the refutation had

to little evidence. I took out some evidence on the counterargument and added more support to

the refutation. In the final draft, I separated the counterargument and refutation into separate,

when I should have put them together. In addition, this made me lose points on my work and for

the revised essay, I put the paragraphs together. This helps improves the structure of my essay.

In conclusion, I have been able to improve on my writing and learn to fix my mistakes

from the feedback I received from the Learning Resource Center, my classmates, and my

professor. Writing takes time to develop ideas and receiving feedback from others helps improve

the writing process. Seeing feedback from others helped me see what I was missing and their

suggests helped me develop new ideas. The assignments that the professor gave out to the class

helped me prepare and see what was needed. The feedback from my professor helped me see

what I need to fix and improve upon. The feedback that I received from the essays helped me

improve on my writing skills.