13 Signs Of A Toxic Parent That Many

People Don’t Realize

Holly Chavez
Writer, Entrepreneur, Small Business Owner Read full profil

1. They Fail To Provide You With Affirmation And Security

Some people believe that showing tough love is an important way to ensure that their
children are able to take care of themselves in the future. If you were the recipient of
this approach on a regular basis, you might even believe that this has had a positive
impact on your life. However, if you practically fall apart now because of any perceived
failure or rejection, then this most likely stems from a parent’s toxic refusal to provide
you with the right amount of security and affirmation while you were young. Tough love
might work sometimes, but it cannot be the only approach a parent takes if they want
their child to become a well-rounded adult.

2. They Are Overly Critical

Everyone’s parents criticize from time to time. Without this component, we might never learn how to do
numerous things properly, such as everyday chores like washing laundry. A toxic parent takes this to extremes
by being overly critical about everything their child does. Parents can make the mistake of believing that they
do this to make sure their children avoid making costly mistakes. Unfortunately, what this behavior really does
is causing the child to develop a harsh inner criticthat can be borderline crippling during adulthood.

3. They Demand Your Attention

Toxic parents often turn their children into their own parental substitutes by demanding their attention at all
times. This can be seen as bonding between the parent and child, but it is really a parasitic relationship that
requires too much of the child’s time and energy when they should be focused on learning other skills. Although
it may be difficult at times, a well-rounded parent will allow their children enough space to grow and be kids
without demanding constant interaction to suit their own needs.

4. They Make Toxic “Jokes” About You

All parents occasionally pick on their children, but when the so-called jokes become commonplace, this can be
a huge problem. You do not need to accept this type of behavior just because your parent has always joked
about something such as your height or weight. Ultimately, this is an undermining tactic that can make you feel
very badly about yourself. If a parent has a legitimate concern to address with their child, they should be honest
and non-critical, as opposed to making mean jokes.

5. They Cause You To Justify Terrible Behavior

Did you grow up believing that your parent was physically or emotionally abusive to you because you deserved
it? If so, you may still be justifying the terrible behavior of others at your own expense. Toxic parents can twist
any situation to suit their needs, and this leaves children with two choices: accept that their parent is wrong or
internalize all of the blame. In most cases, children, even those who are adults now, choose the latter option.

6. They Do Not Allow You To Express Negative Emotions

Parents who refuse to nurture their child’s emotional needs and make light of their negative emotions are
setting up a future where the child will feel unable to express what they need. There is nothing wrong with
helping children see the positive side of any situation. However, being completely dismissive of a child’s
negative feelings and emotional needs can lead to depression and make it more difficult for them to
appropriately handle negativity as adults.

7. They Scare Even Their Adult Children

Respect and fear do not need to go hand-in-hand. In fact, children who feel loved, supported, and connected
are much more likely to be happy as adults. Although discipline of some sort will inevitably be necessary from
time to time, non-toxic parents do not use highly fearful actions and words that are permanently damaging to
the human psyche. Children should not need to be afraid to be respectful, and adults should not need to end up
feeling anxious each time their parent calls or emails.

8. They Always Put Their Feelings First

Parents may believe that their feelings should come first during family matters, but this is an antiquated way of
thinking that is not going to foster positive relationships. Even though parents do need to make the final
decision about everything from dinner to vacation plans, it is necessary to consider the feelings of every family
member — including the children. Toxic individuals constantly force children to suppress their own feelings in
order to appease their parents.

9. They Co-Opt Your Goals

Did one of your parents become interested in everything you were doing to the point where they took over or
even duplicated you? This can seem like the actions of someone who is interested in their child’s life, but what
it often does is making it harder for the child to actually meet their goals. For example, if you have to sell 50
boxes of cookies at the same time that your mother decides to make cookies and pass them out to the
neighbors, it is going to be a lot harder to hit your sales goal. This behavior can derail you throughout your
entire life if you allow your parent to keep getting away with it.

10. They Use Guilt And Money To Control You

Every child has experienced a guilt trip from their parents, but toxic individuals resort to this tactic on a regular
basis. Even as an adult, your parent might still be controlling you by giving you expensive gifts and then
expecting something in return. If you fail to do as they want, they will then try to make you feel guilty about it
because of “everything they have done for you.” Healthy parents know that children do not owe them a specific
response in exchange for money or gifts, especially when these items were not asked for in the first place.

11. They Give You The Silent Treatment

It can be hard to talk to someone when you are angry, but shutting out a child with the silent treatment is very
damaging and immature. Dishing out this passive-aggressive treatment hurts any type of relationship and
makes the recipient feel pressured into fixing the situation, even when they didn’t do anything wrong. If a parent
is too mad to have a rational conversation, they should excuse themselves for a few minutes instead of
blatantly ignoring their child.

12. They Ignore Healthy Boundaries

Parents can justify keeping a close eye on their children and, in certain situations, it may even be necessary to
do a bit of snooping to keep them safe. However, everyone needs to be able to set boundaries for themselves,
especially teenagers. Parents who are toxic override these boundaries at every turn, and this causes numerous
problems. For example, a toxic parent will open their child’s door without knocking first. This sets up a pattern
that makes it hard for their children to properly recognize and understand boundaries later in life.

13. They Make You Responsible For Their Happiness

If one of your parents spent a lot of time telling you how much they gave up for you in connection with their
unhappiness, then they were placing unrealistic expectations on your role in their life. No child should be held
accountable for their parent’s happiness. Also, parents should never demand that children give up things that
make them happy in order to even out the score. Being forced into this situation will make it difficult for adult
children to understand that we are all responsible for our own happiness.
Removing toxic people from your life may seem impossible, especially if one of them is a parent. Unless you
take action, though, it will be much harder to correct the emotional and psychological damage that was done to
you during your childhood. On the plus side, any toxic parent who recognizes themselves within the 13 points
in this article can turn to a trained counselor for assistance with breaking their negative behavioral patterns.

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