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Peace through Forgiveness

Dr. Crystal M. Consonery
Copyright © 2011 by Dr. Crystal M Consonery

All Rights Reserved

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval
system or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy,
recording, or otherwise, except as provided by USA copyright law.

Printed in the United States of America

This book is dedicated to the memory of my sister, Denise Joan Mitchell Dumas, and to
everyone who has experienced the pain of loss and the paralyzing inability to move
forward into the peace that comes only through forgiveness.


Led to Forgive

Forgiving Others

Seeking Forgiveness

Wind so intense it causes tall trees to bend to the ground, waves that rise and crash
ferociously tossing and scattering mighty ships as though they were mere toys, flames
that lick and lap in an entrancing dance, engulfing everything within its span, all symbols
of rage; a rage that if left unchecked spreads rapidly and without control. A rage that
burns so deeply within, it slowly pulls you into its vortex, leaving you paralyzed never to
regain your equilibrium again.

This is the rage I allowed to consume me from the inside out. In September of 2009, I
lost my youngest sister to a car accident. While she was hit from behind and her
vehicle was knocked off the road, the driver of the car that hit her was never charged
with any crimes. He was not even given a blood alcohol test to confirm his level of

It was beyond my comprehension, how someone could be allowed to take a life and
severely injury two others, yet be free to live, love and laugh, without having to give any
account for his actions.
Led to Forgive
Psalm 139:23-24 --- Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my
anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way

This was my prayer for many, many months during the later part of 2009 and 2010.
Sure, I was able to go through my day and more times than not it would appear on the
surface that everything was OK. However, looks can be very deceiving.

In the beginning I told myself I was just going through the normal cycle of grief, but
slowly I began to realize that something was not so normal about what I was feeling.
Little things were beginning to annoy me, things that I would normally shrug of and not
give a second thought. I also noticed that I was becoming very distant and
withdrawn. Finally, friends and family began to ask questions like, “Are you OK?” “Is
everything alright?” “Would you like to talk about it?”

It was then that I realized I needed to cry out to God and ask him to search my heart; to
plead with him to reveal to me any bitterness or anger that I was holding inside. It was
then that I held on to Psalm 46:10…be still, and know that I am God…, and became
still in the presence of God. It was also during this time that I studied out true

• Have you ever experienced something so painful that you thought you would
never move forward?

• Have you overcome and forgiven?

• How did you see God moving in your life during this time?
Forgiving Others
Forgiveness is all we can do. It is not for us to make people see our point or to see their
error or how they may have wronged us. That’s God’s job and the sooner we accept
that the better off we will be.

Romans 12:19-21 --- Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s
wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay.” Says the Lord. On the
Contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something
to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be
overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Consider verse 21 – Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

I would overlook this part of the passage and focus only on the part that says God will
avenge; however when I did that I was still being overcome by evil and not forgiving. I
would do things or say things that sounded good and then sit back and wait for God to
step in and show the other person how they hurt me or punish them for the wrong I felt
they had done to me. That was the wrong heart. I have learned that to overcome evil
with good my actions have to be from that place deep inside my heart. I have to be able
to freely give and do without holding on and looking to see when the other person will
be made to pay for the wrong they did to me.

• Forgiveness does not mean opening yourself back up to hurt

• Forgiveness does not mean allowing the other person’s behavior to continue

I have realized that there are some situations that I have to remove myself from. Some
people in this world are just evil and all I can do is pray for them and move on, but in
doing that I still have to truly forgive them. Even though I may choose to not have them
as a part of my life I still have to let go of the wrong they may have done and forgive
them from my heart.
Forgiveness sets you free

Mark 11:25--- Jesus said, “When you stand praying, if you hold anything against
anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

Forgiveness lets you remove the pain you carry inside of you that you feel was done by
someone else. The other person does not have to admit that they ever did you wrong
and they do not have to come and apologize. The other person does not have to do
anything. Forgiveness is something done inside of ourselves, to release us from the
pain that we feel.

• Forgiveness releases our need for revenge

• Forgiveness means letting go of the pain we feel inside ourselves

• Forgiveness is possible in any situation

Start forgiving and letting go in little ways:

• Stop looking funny at the friend that did not invite you to their last event

• Do not hold it against the person who forgot to return your phone call

• Forgive the co-worker who seems to let you do all the work and then they take all
the credit
Seeking Forgiveness
1 John 1:8-9 … If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is
not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our
sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

When we seek forgiveness it should come from the heart. I would like to share with you
a list of particles to consider:

1. Think about what happened and what it is you are sorry for

2. Write down your apology

3. Practice what you plan to say until you feel comfortable

4. State clearly what it is you are sorry for doing

5. Acknowledge your actions without making excuses

6. Share your feelings about what happened – avoid, blaming, exaggerating or

saying empty words

7. Listen to the other person’s response without getting defensive

8. Offer to make amends if appropriate

9. Move on. Once you have apologized, let it go – do not force the issue give the
other person time
We cannot go into the past and correct our mistakes, but we can learn from them.

2 Corinthians 5:17---Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old

has gone, the new has come!

God desires us to be free from past guilt. When Jesus died on the cross all of our sins
died with him; it does not matter what we may have done, when we repented and asked
for forgiveness it was granted

Colossians 1:21-22 ---Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in
your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by
Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in God’s sight, without
blemish and free from accusation.

What does self forgiveness look like:

• Accepting ourselves as a human who has faults and makes mistakes

• Letting go of self-anger for our past failures, errors and mistakes

• Loving ourselves
Everyone has a story; God has used all of us in some way. Why not start today to
begin to share yours.

Use the lines below to begin to share your thoughts, feelings and fears as you begin
your awakening through forgiveness:
Dr. Crystal M. Consonery is a Certified Faith-Based Clinical Counselor & Life Coach.
She resides in a suburb of Metro-Atlanta with her husband and children.

For further information please visit www.drcrystalc.com or to schedule Dr. Crystal as a

guest speaker you may submit your request to info@k-scopesolutions.com