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CONFLICT RESOLUTION AND ANGER MANAGEMENT
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CHAPTER – 9
CONFLICT RESOLUTION AND ANGER

MANAGEMENT
Topics Covered
Conflict Resolution
Types of Conflict
Why Should Resolve Conflict
Strategies for Conflict Resolution
Conflict Resolution Skills
Conflict Resolution, Stress, and Emotions
How Should You Resolve Conflict
Conflict Resolution in the Corporate World
Anger Management
Why Do We Get Angry
When Is Anger A Problem
Why Manage Anger
Common Types of Anger
Healthy Anger
Myths And Facts About Anger
How Can I Manage Anger
Anger Management Therapy
Controlling Short-Term Anger
Controlling Long-Term Anger
Strategies for Anger Kills
Anger Management Style: Get Some Exercise
274 Conflict Resolution and Anger Management
CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Conflict is a situation which makes you feel threatened because your ideas, positions,
or perspectives are challenged (typically by another person or persons). At the core of
all threat is fear. This fear sets up the two types of responses we typically see in
conflict -
 Aggressively try to resolve the conflict, or
 Withdraw from the conflict, hoping it will resolve itself or go away. This is a
natural outcome of our inner psychology.
When we perceive threat we naturally respond with the ‘fight or flight’ syndrome.
The intensity of the response is in direct proportion to our perception of the threat.
The ‘fight’ response is to aggressively attack any perceived threat or conflict and
attempt to resolve it in any way we can. The ‘flight’ response is to run away from the
conflict, to ignore it until it, hopefully, doesn’t exist anymore.
Conflict varies in intensity. A minor form of conflict is when two people, have two
different agendas, perspectives, ideas or desires. Two people in negotiation can fit
into this category. Each person, not necessarily wanting the other person to lose, but
certainly wanting their personal needs or desires met, will try to press for resolution in
their favor. Even two good ideas can be a conflict situation. These conflicting ideas
have at their core threat. One idea, if heeded, will threaten the existence of the
other idea. At the other end of the spectrum in conflict intensity is conflict that seeks
the annihilation of the other side’s perspective and people. Conflict isn’t inherently
bad, however. Conflict can bring about new ideas or awareness about the issue at
hand. It can present an unvoiced concern that needs to be addressed. Conflict can
actually unify people. Conflict isn’t bad in and of itself. We deal with conflict that
brings good or bad results. Thus how we perform conflict resolution has long lasting
effects.
Conflict, arguments, and change are natural parts of our lives, as well as the lives of
every agency, organization, and nation. Conflict resolution is a way for two or more
parties to find a peaceful solution to a disagreement among them. The disagreement
may be personal, financial, political, or emotional. When a dispute arises, often the
best course of action is negotiation to resolve the disagreement. The goals of
negotiation are - to
 produce a solution that all parties can agree to;
 work as quickly as possible to find this solution;
 improve, not hurt, the relationship between the groups in conflict.
Essentials of Counseling 275
Conflict resolution through negotiation can be good for all parties involved. Often,
each side will get more by participating in negotiations than they would by walking
away, and it can be a way for your group to get resources that might otherwise be out
of reach.
Types of Conflict
There are three types of conflict -
 Personal or relational conflicts
 Instrumental conflicts and
 Conflicts of interest.
Personal or Relational Conflicts: Personal or relational conflicts are usually about
identity or self-image, or important aspects of a relationship such as loyalty, breach of
confidence, perceived betrayal or lack of respect.
Instrumental Conflicts: Instrumental conflicts are about goals, structures, procedures
and means - something fairly tangible and structural within the organization or for an
individual.
Conflicts of Interest: Conflicts of interest concern the ways in which the means of
achieving goals are distributed, such as time, money, space and staff. They may also
be about factors related to these, such as relative importance, or knowledge and
expertise. An example would be a couple disagreeing over whether to spend a bonus
on a holiday or to repair the roof.
Why Should Resolve Conflict

The main goal of negotiation with your opposition is to come to an agreement that
benefits all parties. Some other good reasons to negotiate are -
 To understand more about those whose ideas, beliefs, and backgrounds may be
different from your own. In order to resolve a conflict, you’ll need to look at the
conflict from your opponent’s point of view and learn more about this person or
group’s perspective and motivations.
 To ensure that your relationships with opponents continue and grow. If you make
peace with your opponents, you increase your own allies in the community.
Successful negotiations pave the way for smooth relationships in the future.
 To find peaceful solutions to difficult situations. Full-blown battles use up
resources - time, energy, good reputation, motivation. By negotiating, you avoid
wasting these resources, and you may actually make new allies and find new
resources.
Conflict resolution is appropriate for almost any disagreement. Our daily lives offer
plenty of opportunities for negotiation - between parents and children, co-workers,
friends, etc., and as a result, you probably already have a variety of effective
strategies for resolving minor conflicts. But for more serious conflicts, and conflicts
between groups rather than individuals, you may need some additional skills. How,
for example, should you structure a meeting between your group and your opponent?
When should you settle, and when should you fight for more? How should you react
if your opponent attacks you personally? Read on for more information on specific
conflict resolution techniques.
Strategies for Conflict Resolution

There are five main strategies for dealing with conflicts, all of which can be
considered in terms of who wins and who loses. As Transactional Analysis makes
clear, a win-win situation is always going to be better for everyone. These strategies
are -
Compete or Fight: This is the classic win/lose situation, where the strength and
power of one person wins the conflict. It has its place, but anyone using it needs to be
aware that it will create a loser and if that loser has no outlet for expressing their
concerns, then it will lead to bad feeling.
Collaboration: This is the ideal outcome - a win/win situation. However, it requires
input of time from those involved to work through the difficulties, and find a way to
solve the problem that is agreeable to all.
Compromise or Negotiation: This is likely to result in a better result than win/lose,
but it’s not quite win/win. Both parties give up something, in favour of an agreed mid-
point solution. It takes less time than collaboration, but is likely to result in less
commitment to the outcome.
Denial or Avoidance: This is where everyone pretends there is no problem. It’s
helpful if those in conflict need time to ‘cool down’ before any discussion or if the
conflict is unimportant, but cannot be used if the conflict won’t just die down. It will
create a lose/lose situation, since there will still be bad feeling, but no clearing the air
through discussion, and results, in Transactional Analysis terms, in “I’m not OK,
you’re not OK”.
Smoothing Over the Problem: On the surface, harmony is maintained, but
underneath, there is still conflict. It’s similar to the situation above, except that one
person is probably “OK” with this smoothing, while the other remains in conflict,
creating a win/lose situation again. It can work where preserving a relationship is
more important than dealing with the conflict right now, but is not useful if others feel
the need to deal with the situation.
Conflict Resolution Skills

Do you fear conflict or avoid it at all costs? If your perception of conflict comes from
frightening or painful memories from previous unhealthy relationships or early
childhood, you may expect all present-day disagreements to end badly. You may view
conflict in relationships as demoralizing, humiliating, dangerous, and something to
fear. If your early life experiences also left you feeling out of control and powerless,
conflict may even be traumatizing for you. If you view conflict as dangerous, it tends
to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you go into a conflict situation already
feeling extremely threatened, it’s tough to deal with the problem at hand in a healthy
way. Instead, you are more likely to shut down or blow up in anger.
Healthy and unhealthy ways of managing and resolving conflict are -
Unhealthy responses to conflict Healthy responses to conflict
 An inability to recognize and  The capacity to recognize and respond
respond to the things that matter to to the things that matter to the other
the other person. person.
 Explosive, angry, hurtful, and  Calm, non-defensive, and respectful
resentful reactions. reactions.
 The withdrawal of love, resulting in  A readiness to forgive and forget, and
rejection, isolation, shaming, and to move past the conflict without
fear of abandonment. holding resentments or anger.
 An inability to compromise or see  The ability to seek compromise and
the other person’s side. avoid punishing.
 The fear and avoidance of conflict;  A belief that facing conflict head on is
the expectation of bad outcomes. the best thing for both sides.
Conflict is a normal part of any healthy relationship. After all, two people can’t be
expected to agree on everything, all the time. Learning how to deal with conflict -
rather than avoiding it - is crucial. When conflict is mismanaged, it can cause great
harm to a relationship, but when handled in a respectful, positive way, conflict
provides an opportunity to strengthen the bond between two people. By learning these
skills for conflict resolution, you can keep your personal and professional
relationships strong and growing.
 Understanding conflict in relationships: Conflict arises from differences, both
large and small. It occurs whenever people disagree over their values,
motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. Sometimes these differences

appear trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal
need is often at the core of the problem. These needs can be a need to feel safe and
secure, a need to feel respected and valued, or a need for greater closeness and
intimacy.
 Conflicts arise from differing needs: Everyone needs to feel understood, nurtured,
and supported, but the ways in which these needs are met vary widely. Differing
needs for feeling comfortable and safe create some of the most severe challenges
in our personal and professional relationships.
Think about the conflicting need for safety and continuity versus the need to explore
and take risks. You frequently see this conflict between toddlers and their parents.
The child’s need is to explore, so the street or the cliff meets a need. But the parents’
need is to protect the child’s safety, so limiting exploration becomes a bone of
contention between them. The needs of both parties play important roles in the long-
term success of most relationships, and each deserves respect and consideration. In
personal relationships, a lack of understanding about differing needs can result in
distance, arguments, and break-ups. In workplace conflicts, differing needs are often
at the heart of bitter disputes, sometimes resulting in broken deals, fewer profits and
lost jobs. When you can recognize the legitimacy of conflicting needs and
become willing to examine them in an environment of compassionate understanding,
it opens pathways to creative problem solving, team building, and improved
relationships.
 A conflict is more than just a disagreement. It is a situation in which one or both
parties perceive a threat (whether or not the threat is real).
 Conflicts continue to fester when ignored. Because conflicts involve perceived
threats to our well-being and survival, they stay with us until we face and resolve
them.
 We respond to conflicts based on our perceptions of the situation, not necessarily
to an objective review of the facts. Our perceptions are influenced by our life
experiences, culture, values, and beliefs.
 Conflicts trigger strong emotions. If you aren’t comfortable with your emotions or
able to manage them in times of stress, you won’t be able to resolve conflict
successfully.
 Conflicts are an opportunity for growth. When you’re able to resolve conflict in a
relationship, it builds trust. You can feel secure knowing your relationship can
survive challenges and disagreements.
Conflict Resolution, Stress, and Emotions

Conflict triggers strong emotions and can lead to hurt feelings, disappointment, and
discomfort. When handled in an unhealthy manner, it can cause irreparable rifts,
resentments, and break-ups. But when conflict is resolved in a healthy way, it
increases our understanding of one another, builds trust, and strengthens our
relationship bonds.
If you are out of touch with your feelings or so stressed that you can only pay
attention to a limited number of emotions, you won’t be able to understand your own
needs. And, if you don’t understand your own needs, you will have a hard time
communicating with others and staying in touch with what’s really troubling you. For
example, couples often argue about petty differences - the way s/he hangs the towels,
the way s/he slurps his/her soup - rather than what is really bothering them. The
ability to successfully resolve conflict depends on your ability to -
 Manage stress quickly while remaining alert and calm. By staying calm, you can
accurately read and interpret verbal and nonverbal communication.
 Control your emotions and behavior. When you’re in control of your emotions,
you can communicate your needs without threatening, frightening, or punishing
others.
 Pay attention to the feelings being expressed as well as the spoken words of
others.
 Be aware of and respectful of differences. By avoiding disrespectful words and
actions, you can almost always resolve a problem faster.
To successfully resolve a conflict, you will need to learn and practice two core skills -
the ability to quickly reduce stress in the moment and the ability to remain
comfortable enough with your emotions to react in constructive ways even in the
midst of an argument or a perceived attack.
Quick Stress Relief: The first core conflict resolution skill. Being able to manage and
relieve stress in the moment is the key to staying balanced, focused, and in control, no
matter what challenges you face. If don’t know how to stay centered and in control of
yourself, you will become overwhelmed in conflict situations and unable to respond
in healthy ways. Psychologist Connie Lillas uses a driving analogy to describe the
three most common ways people respond when they’re overwhelmed by stress -
 Foot on the gas. An angry or agitated stress response. You’re heated, keyed up,
overly emotional, and unable to sit still.
 Foot on the brake. A withdrawn or depressed stress response. You shut down,
space out, and show very little energy or emotion.
 Foot on both gas and brake. A tense and frozen stress response. You ‘freeze’
under pressure and can’t do anything. You look paralyzed, but under the surface
you’re extremely agitated.
Stress interferes with the ability to resolve conflict by limiting your ability to -
 Accurately read another person’s nonverbal communication;
 Hear what someone is really saying;
 Be aware of your own feelings;
 Be in touch with your deep-rooted needs;
 Communicate your needs clearly.
You may be so used to being stressed that you’re not even aware you are stressed.
Stress may be a problem in your life if you identify with the following -
 You often feel tense or tight somewhere in your body;
 You’re not aware of movement in your chest or stomach when you breathe;
 Conflict absorbs your time and attention.
The best way to rapidly and reliably relieve stress is through the senses - sight, sound,
touch, taste, and smell. But each person responds differently to sensory input, so you
need to find things that are soothing to you.
Emotional Awareness: The second core conflict resolution skill. Emotional awareness
is the key to understanding yourself and others. If you don’t know how you feel or
why you feel that way, you won’t be able to communicate effectively or resolve
disagreements. Although knowing your own feelings may sound simple, many people
ignore or try to sedate strong emotions like anger, sadness, and fear. Your ability to
handle conflict, however, depends on being connected to these feelings. If you’re
afraid of strong emotions or if you insist on finding solutions that are strictly rational,
your ability to face and resolve differences will be impaired. Emotional awareness
helps you -
 Understand what is really troubling other people;
 Understand yourself, including what is really troubling you;
 Stay motivated until the conflict is resolved;
 Communicate clearly and effectively;
 Attract and influence others.
The most important information exchanged during conflicts and arguments is often
communicated nonverbally. Nonverbal communication is conveyed by emotionally
driven facial expressions, posture, gesture, pace, tone and intensity of voice. When
people are upset, the words they use rarely convey the issues and needs at the heart of
the problem. When we listen for what is felt - as well as what is said - we connect
more deeply to our own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening
in this way also strengthens us, informs us, and makes it easier for others to hear
us.
When you’re in the middle of a conflict, paying close attention to the other person’s
nonverbal signals may help you figure out what the other person is really saying. This
will allow you to respond in a way that builds trust, and gets to the root of the
problem. A calm tone of voice, a reassuring touch, or an interested or concerned facial
expression can go a long way toward relaxing a tense exchange. Your ability to
accurately read another person depends on your own emotional awareness. The more
aware you are of your own emotions, the easier it will be for you to pick up on the
wordless clues that reveal what others are feeling. Once stress and emotion are
brought into balance your capacity for joy, pleasure and playfulness is unleashed. Joy
is a deceptively powerful resource. Studies show that you can surmount adversity, as
long as you continue to have moments of joy. Humor plays a similar role when facing
conflict. You can avoid many confrontations and resolve arguments and
disagreements by communicating in a humorous way. Humor can help you say things
that might otherwise be difficult to express without offending someone. However, it’s
important that you laugh with the other person, not at them. When humor and play are
used to reduce tension and anger, reframe problems, and put the situation into
perspective, the conflict can actually become an opportunity for greater connection
and intimacy.
Managing and resolving conflict requires the ability to quickly reduce stress and bring
your emotions into balance. You can ensure that the process is as positive as possible
by sticking to the following guidelines -
 Listen for what is felt as well as said. When we listen we connect more deeply to
our own needs and emotions, and to those of other people. Listening also
strengthens us, informs us, and makes it easier for others to hear us when it’s our
turn to speak.
 Make conflict resolution the priority rather than winning or ‘being right’.
Maintaining and strengthening the relationship, rather than ‘winning’ the
argument, should always be your first priority. Be respectful of the other person
and his/her viewpoint.
 Focus on the present. If you’re holding on to grudges based on past resentments,
your ability to see the reality of the current situation will be impaired. Rather than
looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the here-
and-now to solve the problem.
 Pick your battles. Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to consider whether
the issue is really worthy of your time and energy. Maybe you don’t want to
surrender a parking space if you’ve been circling for 15 minutes, but if there are
dozens of empty spots, arguing over a single space isn’t worth it.
 Be willing to forgive. Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or
unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never
compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and
draining our lives.
 Know when to let something go. If you can’t come to an agreement, agree to
disagree. It takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going
nowhere, you can choose to disengage and move on.
How Should You Resolve Conflict

There are seven steps to successfully negotiating the resolution of a conflict -
1. Understand the conflict
2. Communicate with the opposition
3. Brainstorm possible resolutions
4. Choose the best resolution
5. Use a third party mediator
6. Explore alternatives
7. Cope with stressful situations and pressure tactics.
Understand the Conflict: Conflicts arise for a variety of different reasons. It is
important for you to define clearly your own position and interests in the conflict, and
to understand those of your opponent. Here are some questions to ask yourself so that
you can better define the conflict.
 Interests: What are my interests? What do I really care about in this conflict?
What do I want? What do I need? What are my concerns, hopes, fears?
 Possible Outcomes: What kinds of agreements might we reach?
 Legitimacy: What third party, outside of the conflict, might convince one or both
of us that a proposed agreement is a fair one? What objective standard might
convince us that an agreement is fair? For example - a law, an expert opinion, the
market value of the transaction. Is there a precedent that would convince us that
an agreement is fair?
 Their Interests: What are the interests of my opposition? If I were in their shoes,
what would I really care about in this conflict? What do they want? What do they
need? What are their concerns, hopes, fears?
Interests play an important role in better understanding conflict. Often, groups waste
time ‘bargaining over positions’. Instead of explaining what the interests of their
position are, they argue about their ‘bottom line’. This is not a useful way to
negotiate, because it forces groups to stick to one narrow position. Once they are
entrenched in a particular position, it will be embarrassing for them to abandon it.
They may spend more effort on ‘saving face’ than on actually finding a suitable
resolution. It is usually more helpful to explore the group’s interests, and then see
what positions suit such interests.
Communicate with the Opposition: Now that you have thought through your own
interests and those of the other party, you can begin to communicate directly with
your opposition. Here are some tips for productive talks -
 Listen: Their opinions are important to you, because their opinions are the source
of your conflict. If something is important to them, you need to recognize this.
Recognizing does not mean agreeing.
 Let everyone participate who wants to: People who participate will have a stake in
a resolution. They will want to find a good compromise.
 Talk about your strong emotions: Let the other side let off steam.
 Don’t react to emotional outbursts: Try an apology instead of yelling back.
Apologizing is not costly, and is often a rewarding technique.
 Be an active listener: Rephrase what you’re hearing as a question - “Let me see if
I’m following you. You’re saying that... Have I got that right?” You can still be
firm when you’re listening.
 Speak about yourself, not the other party.
 Be concrete, but flexible: Speak about your interests, not about your position.
 Avoid early judgments: Keep asking questions and gathering information.
 Don’t tell the opposition: It’s up to you to solve your problems. Work to find a
solution for everyone.
 Find a way to make their decision easy: Try to find a way for them to take your
position without looking weak, but don’t call it a way for them to ‘save face’.
Egos are important in negotiations.
Brainstorm for Possible Resolutions: Now that you know what the interests of both
parties are, and how to better communicate with the opposition, you can start thinking
about solutions. Look at all of the interests you have listed, for you and for your
opponents, and look for common interests. Often both parties share many interests -
for example, both groups may want stability and public respect. Before you hold a
brainstorming meeting, think carefully about how you’ll set up the meeting. Write a
clear purpose statement for the meeting. Try to choose a small group of 5-8 people
total. Hold the meeting in a different environment from your usual setting. Make sure
the setting is an informal one where people feel comfortable and safe. Find an
unbiased facilitator, someone who can structure the meeting without sharing his/her
own feelings about the conflict.
To begin brainstorming, decide whether you want to brainstorm with your opposition,
or with only your group. In either case, you will want to establish some ground rules.
 Work on coming up with as many ideas as possible. Don’t judge or criticize the
ideas yet - that might prevent people from thinking creatively.
 Try to maximize (not minimize) your options.
 Look for win-win solutions, or compromises, in which both parties get something
they want.
 Find a way to make their decision easy.
 During the meeting, seat people side by side, facing the problem - a blank
chalkboard or large pad of paper for writing down ideas. The facilitator will
remind people of the purpose of the meeting, review the ground rules, and ask
participants to agree to those rules. During the brainstorming session, the
facilitator will write down all ideas on the chalkboard or pad.
Here are a few tips for successful brainstorming -
 Be open to all ideas. Think ‘quantity’ over ‘quality’. You’ll probably discard most
ideas before the exercise is over.
 Move quickly. Avoid clarifying or evaluating each idea - either can stop creative
thinking in its tracks.
 List every idea. Whoever is listing the ideas should not be in charge of editing
them.
 Expand on each other’s ideas. Ask for input from the group - this is where
solutions are born.
 Be creative. Allow for out-of-the-box ideas, controversy, and even silly ideas.
You never know what will inspire the thought that can become the actual
solution.
Choose the Best Resolution: After the meeting, you will need to decide which
resolution is best. Review your brainstorm ideas. Star the best ideas - these are what
you will work with during the conflict resolution process. Set a time to discuss them
and determine which idea is the best. The goal here is to use both groups’ skills and
resources to get the best result for everyone. Which resolution gives both groups the
most? That resolution is probably the best one.
Use a Third Party Mediator: As you are brainstorming and choosing a good
resolution, you may want to use a third party mediator. This is a person who is not
from your group or your opponent’s group, but whom you both trust to be fair. Your
mediator can help both sides agree upon a standard by which you’ll judge your
resolution. Standards are a way to measure your agreement. They include expert
opinions, law, precedent (the way things have been done in the past), and accepted
principles. Your mediator could also, for example, run your brainstorming session.
Here are some other possible jobs for a mediator -
 Setting ground rules for you and your opponent to agree upon (for example, you
might both agree not to publicly discuss the dispute).
 Creating an appropriate setting for meetings.
 Suggesting possible ways to compromise.
 Being an ‘ear’ for both side’s anger and fear.
 Listening to both sides and explaining their positions to one another.
 Finding the interests behind each side’s positions.
 Looking for win-win alternatives.
 Keeping both parties focused, reasonable, and respectful.
 Preventing any party from feeling that it’s ‘losing face’.
 Writing the draft of your agreement with the opposition.
Explore Alternatives: There may be times when, despite your hard work and
good will, you cannot find an acceptable resolution to your conflict. You need to
think about this possibility before you begin negotiations. At what point will you
decide to walk away from negotiations? What are your alternatives if you cannot
reach an agreement with your opponent? It is important that you brainstorm your
alternatives to resolution early on in the negotiation process, and that you always have
your best alternative somewhere in the back of your mind. As you consider possible
agreements with your opponent, compare them to this ‘best’ alternative. If you don’t
know what the alternative is, you’ll be negotiating without all the necessary
information.
In order to come up with an alternative, start by brainstorming. Then, consider the
pros and cons of each alternative. Think about which alternative is realistic and
practical. Also think about how you can make it even better. At the same time, don’t
forget to put yourself in the shoes of your opposition. What alternatives might they
have? Why might they choose them? What can you do to make your choice better
than their alternative? Roger Fisher and Danny Ertel call this alternative your
‘BATNA’ - Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement.
Cope with Stressful Situations and Pressure Tactics: So far, we’ve talked about
how to negotiate with a fairly reasonable opponent. However, you need to be prepared
to negotiate with all kinds of opponents, both reasonable and unreasonable. What if
your opponent is more powerful and influential that you are? What if they refuse to
meet or talk with you? All of these situations are stressful, and intended to put extra
pressure on you to make a quick decision in the opposition’s favor. When a situation
like this takes place, stay calm and go slow. Don’t get angry or make a rushed
decision. Instead, talk about the pressure tactic without judging.
Here are some possible situations -
 My opponent is more powerful: If you have already decided on your best
alternative, you have nothing to fear. You can walk away at any time, and go that
route instead. Think about everything that you can do, and that your mediator can
do. Although you may be less powerful, at least you will be negotiating with all
the available information.
 My opponent won’t budge: In a situation like this, you may be tempted to do the
same thing - “If you won’t change your mind, neither will I”. However, you will
fail if you insist on sticking to your position. Instead, treat your opponent’s
position as a real possibility. Ask lots of questions. Listen to their logic.
Understand what their interests are, and what it is that they really want. Learn
what their criticisms of your idea are. The more you know about where they’re
coming from, the better a resolution you can create.
In conflict resolution, the best solution is the solution that is best for both sides. Of
course, that’s not always possible to find, but you should use all your resources to
solve your conflict as smoothly as you can.
Conflict Resolution in the Corporate World

Conflict happens. It happens everywhere - between friends, in the classroom, around
the corporate conference table. The good news is that it doesn’t have to damage
friendships or business deals. Knowing how to resolve conflict, wherever it happens,
creates confidence and eases stress. Conflict resolution in the corporate world can
mean the difference between good business and no business. Teach your managers,
supervisors, and employees how to manage conflict in the office and watch morale,
and business, improve. These techniques work in the classroom, too, and they can
save friendships.
Be Prepared: Care enough about your own well-being, your relationships with co-
workers and your company, to talk about what is bothering you at work, to talk about
conflict. Don’t take it home or stuff it away. Ignoring something doesn’t make it go
away. Start preparing to resolve conflict by checking your own behavior. What are
your hot buttons? Have they been pushed? How have you handled the situation so
far? What is your own responsibility in the matter?
Own up: Take responsibility for your part in the conflict. Do a little soul searching, a
little self-examination, before talking it out with the other party. Then plan what you
want to say. I’m not suggesting you memorize a speech, but it helps to visualize a
successful, peaceful conversation.
Don’t Wait: The sooner you resolve conflict, the easier it is to resolve. Don’t wait.
Don’t let the matter boil into something bigger than it is. If a specific behavior has
caused the conflict, promptness gives you an example to refer to and keeps you from
building up hostility. It also gives the other person the best chance of understanding
the specific behavior you want to talk about.
Find a Private, Neutral Place: Talking about conflict has almost no chance of
succeeding if it’s carried out in public. Nobody likes to be embarrassed in front of
peers or made an example of in public. Your goal is to eliminate the tension created
by conflict. Privacy will help you.
Neutral places are best. However, if you need to emphasize your authority over a
direct report, a manager’s office may be appropriate. A manager’s office is also
acceptable if there is no other private place to meet. Try to make the office as neutral
as possible by sitting so that there is no table or other obstruction between you and the
other person, if possible. This removes physical barriers to open communication.
Be Aware of Body Language: Be aware of your body language. You convey
information without ever opening your mouth to speak. Know what message you are
sending the other person by how you’re holding your body. You want to convey
peace here, not hostility or closed-mindedness.
 Maintain eye contact.
 Relax your neck and shoulder muscles.
 Be conscious of your expression. Show you care.
 Use a “Please pass the salt and pepper” voice - neutral tone, moderate speed and
volume, conversational.
 Avoid absolutes like “Never” and “Always”.
Share Your Feelings: Nine times out of 10, the real conflict is about feelings, not
facts. You can argue about facts all day, but everyone has a right to his/her own
feelings. Owning your own feelings, and caring about others’, is key to talking about
conflict. Remember that anger is a secondary emotion. It almost always arises from
fear. It’s critical here to use “I” statements. Instead of saying, “You make me so
angry”, try something like, “I feel really frustrated when you...” And remember to talk
about behaviors, not personalities.
Identify the Problem: Give specific details, including your own observations, valid
documentation, if appropriate, and information from reliable witnesses, if appropriate.
You’ve shared your own feelings about the situation, described the problem, and
expressed interest in resolving the matter. Now simply ask the other party how s/he is
feeling about it. Don’t assume. Ask. Discuss what caused the situation. Does
everyone have the information they need? Does everyone have the skills they need?
Does everyone understand expectations? What are the obstacles? Does everyone
agree on the desired outcome? If necessary, use a problem analysis tool or a can/
can’t/ will/ won’t performance analysis.
Listen Actively and with Compassion: Listen actively and remember that things are
not always what they seem. Be ready to be open to the other person’s explanation.
Sometimes, getting all the information from the right person changes the entire
situation. Be ready to respond with compassion. Be interested in how the other person
sees the situation differently than you do.
Find a Solution Together: Ask the other party for his/her ideas for solving the
problem. The person is responsible for his/her own behavior and has the ability to
change it. Resolving conflict is not about changing another person. Change is up to
each individual. Know how you want the situation to be different in the future. If you
have ideas the other person doesn’t mention, suggest them only after the person has
shared all of his/her ideas. Discuss each idea. What’s involved? Does the person need
your help? Does the idea involve other people who should be consulted? Using the
other person’s ideas first, especially with direct reports, will increase personal
commitment on his/her part. If an idea can’t be used for some reason, explain why.
Agree on a Plan of Action: Say what you will do differently in the future and ask the
other party to verbalize his/her commitment to change in the future. With direct
reports, know what goals you want to set with the employee and how and when you
will measure progress. It’s important that the person verbalize what will change in a
specific manner. Set a follow-up date with direct reports, and explain future
consequences for failure to change, if appropriate.
Express Confidence: Thank the other party for being open with you and express
confidence that your work relationship will be better for having talked the problem
out.
ANGER MANAGEMENT
Anger is a normal human emotion and when it is managed properly it is not a
problem. Everyone gets angry, and mild anger can sometimes be useful to express
strong feelings and deal with situations. However, if anger is expressed in
harmful ways, or persists over a long period of time, then it can lead to
problems in relationships at home and at work and can affect the overall quality
of your life. Anger may be related to other problems such as an injury to the
brain, or drug or alcohol use. It is important to get professional help for these
problems.
Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion (APA). However,
when it gets out of control it can become destructive. Uncontrollable anger can lead to
serious problems at work and in personal relationships, and may undermine the
individual’s overall quality of life. It is an emotion that can range from mild
annoyance to intense rage. It is a feeling that is accompanied by biological changes in
your body. When you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure rise and stress
hormones are released. This can cause you to shake, become hot and sweaty and feel
out of control.
When people have angry feelings, they often behave in angry ways too. Angry
behaviors include yelling, throwing things, criticizing, ignoring, storming out and
sometimes withdrawing and doing nothing. Anger can often lead to violence if not
properly controlled and some people use anger as an excuse for being abusive towards
others. Violence and abusive behavior gives someone power and control over another
person usually through creating fear.
Anger management is about understanding your anger and why it happens. It is about
learning and practicing better ways of expressing anger, and knowing how to prevent
it from occurring in the first place. Specifically, anger management is about knowing
the triggers and early warning signs of anger, and learning techniques to calm down
and manage the situation before it gets out of control. Anger management is a
procedure of acquiring the skills to recognize signs that you are becoming angry, and
taking action to deal with the situation in a positive way. In no way does anger
management mean holding the anger in or trying to keep from feeling anger. Anger is
a normal human emotion, a healthy one when it is expressed appropriately. Anger
management helps you identify what triggers your emotions, and how to respond so
that things work in your favor, instead of against you.
Why Do We Get Angry

Anger is often associated with frustration - things don’t always happen the way we
want and people don’t always behave the way we think they should. Anger is usually
linked with other negative emotions or is a response to them. You may be feeling
hurt, frightened, disappointed, worried, embarrassed or frustrated, but may express
these sorts of feelings as anger. Anger can also result from misunderstandings or poor
communication between people.
There are a variety of reasons why people become angry and these will differ from
person to person depending on personal circumstances and individual needs. Some of
the common factors that make people angry are -
 Grief - losing a loved  Traffic jams  Humiliation
one  Being interrupted  Disappointment
 Sexual Frustration when pursuing a goal  Hormonal imbalances
 Rudeness  Physical and Mental  Sloppy service
 Pain Illnesses  Failure
 Tiredness  Withdrawal from  Infidelity
 Hunger drugs or some  Burglary
 Verbal or Physical medications  Financial problems
Assault  Injustice  Someone going against
 Embarrassment  Being teased or a principle that is
 Deadlines bullied considered important.
California State University Bakersfield explains that underlying anger is caused by a
“perceived loss of control over factors affecting important values”. The values may be
related to pride, love, money, justice, etc.
When Is Anger A Problem

Fundamentally, anger becomes a problem when it starts harming you and those
around you. Anger becomes a problem when it creates trouble for you with other
people, your work, your health, day-to-day living or the law. Anger is also a problem
when other people around you are frightened, hurt or feel they cannot talk to you or
disagree with you in case you become angry.
This can have devastating consequences in the longer term, and your aggression may
escalate to the extent that your anger leads to other types of behavior (i.e. responding
in a passive aggressive way or even with physical abuse). You may also find that over
time you get angry more quickly or too often, sometimes at the smallest things. If you
get to the stage that you feel unable to control your anger, or let go of it
constructively, that is when you need to consider professional help.
As well as domestic violence and uncontrolled violent behavior, there are other signs
- both emotional and physical - to look out for that can determine whether or not you
have an anger problem. These can include -
 You think you have to get angry to get what you want.
 Alcohol or drug dependence used to cover anger issues.
 Anger seems to get bigger than the event that set it off.
 You find yourself involved in fights.
 You have numerous arguments with people around you.
 You have trouble with the authorities.
 Anger lasts for a long time, and well after the triggering event has passed.
 Anger affects other situations not related to the original event.
 You rub your face frequently.
 Clenching of the jaw and grinding of teeth.
 A constant feeling or desire to lash out verbally or physically.
 You are getting angry with the people who are closest to you, or with people who
are less powerful than you, rather than dealing with the situation that sparked off
your anger in the first place.
Another sign that your anger has become a problem is when your feelings of rage lead
to destructive and violent behavior. Expressing anger through aggression and violence
can be very damaging and frightening to those around you, and can affect your
relationships, your career, as well as the level of respect people have for you.
Why Manage Anger

You might think that venting your anger is healthy, that the people around you are too
sensitive, that your anger is justified, or that you need to show your fury to get
respect. But the truth is that anger is much more likely to damage your relationships,
impair your judgment, get in the way of success, and have a negative impact on the
way people see you.
 Out-of-control anger hurts your physical health. Constantly operating at high
levels of stress and tension is bad for your health. Chronic anger makes you more
susceptible to heart disease, diabetes, high cholesterol levels, a weakened immune
system, insomnia, and high blood pressure.
 Out-of-control anger hurts your psychological health. Chronic anger consumes
huge amounts of mental energy and clouds your thinking, making it harder to
concentrate, see the bigger picture, and enjoy life. It can also lead to stress,
depression, and other mental health problems.
 Out-of-control anger hurts your career. Constructive criticism, creative
differences, and heated debate can be healthy. But lashing out only alienates your
colleagues, supervisors, or clients and erodes their respect. What’s more, a bad
reputation can follow you wherever you go, making it harder and harder to get
ahead.
 Out-of-control anger hurts your relationships with others. It causes lasting scars in
the people you love most and gets in the way of your friendships and work
relationships. Chronic, intense anger makes it hard for others to trust you, speak
honestly, or feel comfortable - they never know what is going to set you off or
what you will do. Explosive anger is especially damaging to children.
The following may indicate that you need anger management help.
You -
 have trouble with the authorities (the law);
 frequently feel that you have to hold in your anger;
 have numerous arguments with people around you, especially your partner,
parents, children or colleagues;
 find yourself involved in fights;
 hit your partner or children;
 threaten violence to people or property;
 have outbursts where you break things;
 lose your temper when driving and become reckless;
 think that perhaps you do need help.
Anger is not usually a good solution to problems, even if it seems helpful in the short
term. Unmanaged anger creates problems - sometimes for you and often for others
around you. People with poor anger management are more likely to have problems
with personal relationships or work, verbal and physical fights and/or damaged
property. They can also experience low self-esteem, psychosomatic illnesses and
problems with alcohol or drugs. It is important to manage anger before it leads to
other serious problems.
If you don’t deal with your anger, it can lead to anxiety and depression. It can disrupt
your relationships and raise your risk of illness. Long-term anger has been linked to
health problems like high blood pressure, heart problems, headaches, skin disorders,
and digestive problems. Unchecked anger can be linked to crime, abuse, and other
violent behavior. Sometimes, a pattern of inappropriate anger can also be a symptom
of a mood disorder, a personality disorder, a substance use problem, or another mental

health problem.
When we are angry the body releases stress hormones, such as adrenaline,
noradrenalin and cortisol. The heart rate, blood pressure, body temperature and
breathing rate increase. Regular episodes of anger can eventually make people ill.
Recurrent unmanaged anger may result in a constant flood of stress chemicals and
associated metabolic changes that can eventually undermine the individual’s health.
Uncontrolled or unresolved anger can lead to the following health problems -
Physical Health Problems Emotional and Psychological
Problems
 Backache  Hypertension  Depression
 Headaches (High Blood Pressure)  Eating
 Insomnia  Irritable bowel syndrome, disorders
 Skin or other digestive  Alcohol abuse
disorders disorders  Drug abuse
 Stroke  Weakened immune  Self injury
 Heart attack system, resulting in more  Low self-esteem
 Lower pain infections, colds, and  Moodiness.
threshold influenza.
There are many reasons why people are unable to control their anger. Often, it is a
family or cultural pattern that has never been questioned. In some families individuals
are discouraged from expressing anger, and in others, being angry is unacceptable and
a sign or failure for all. Furthermore, individuals from families that are disruptive,
chaotic and unstructured tend to be less skilled at emotional communication and thus
may be more easily angered.
Additionally, it is thought that some people are just more naturally inclined to feeling
angry than others. These individuals tend to get angry more easily and more intensely
than the average person does, and experts believe they have a lower tolerance to
frustration and annoyance. Reasons for this are unknown, but experts believe genetics
and physiology could play a part.
Socio-cultural factors may also contribute to anger issues, especially as anger is
primarily considered a negative emotion. Whilst we may be taught that expressing
emotions such as anxiety is acceptable, the expression of anger is often seen
as a taboo. This may impact how we learn to handle and channel it
constructively.
Common Types of Anger

There are many patterns and types of anger problems but no comprehensive
psychiatric typology for anger. We can describe types of anger in behavioral,
emotional, or interpersonal terms. In addition, some anger control problems are
symptoms of a psychological disorder. The following descriptions may give you a
clearer sense of what kind of anger you are dealing with or observing.
Buried Anger: People who are not aware that they are angry, but experience physical
symptoms (depression, anxiety, ulcers, etc.).
Hidden Anger: People who are aware that they are angry, but choose to hide it from
others.
Sneaky Anger: People who procrastinate, gossip and use ‘the silent treatment’ when
they are angry at others.
Paranoid Anger: People who think that you are angry at them without any evidence to
prove otherwise.
Impulsive Anger: People who have a ‘short fuse’ and explode without considering the
consequences.
Shame-based Anger: People who attempt to cover-up their imperfections with
perfectionism and become rage-filled when they fail.
Intentional Anger: People who use anger to intimidate, threaten, and bully others in
order to get what they want.
Mood-Altering Anger: People who use anger to elevate their mood when they are
feeling depressed.
Habitual Anger: People who find anything to be angry about 24/7.
Defensive Anger: People who use anger to protect themselves against others who
have been hurtful and are unable to forgive them.
Righteous Anger: People who believe they are moral and justified in their fighting for
something greater than themselves.
Judgmental Anger: Judgmental anger consists of criticizing others at the expense of
the person who is being disparaged. The goal may be to make one self feel better, or
to control or damage others. The harsh criticism of righteous anger can mask
malicious intentions towards the person who is being blamed while holding oneself
blameless.
Retaliatory Anger: Retaliatory anger is a very common anger dynamic, especially in
families and other close relationships. Retaliatory or payback anger is an angry
reaction or response towards a person who is perceived as directing something hurtful
towards one self. It is as if the target of our anger had poured something toxic into our
bucket.
Obsessive Anger: Obsessive anger can include paranoid fears, jealousy, envy, as well
as maladaptive fears of betrayal, rejection, or humiliation. Angry obsessions can
destroy one’s sense of self-worth and emotional security.
Rage Anger: Rage anger is extreme but not common for most people. It hijacks the
mind and body. Rage reactions (or rage attacks) may include a sense of relief or even
joy in the release of pent-up, painful feelings. When raging, control of one’s social
perception, judgment, speech, and motor behavior in seriously weakened.
Rampage Anger: Rampage anger is a rare, extreme case of rage anger. Mini rages
are less severe but happen more often, especially in intimate and family
relationships.
Manipulative Anger: Manipulative or instrumental anger is the intentional use of
angry feelings or aggression in order to get one’s way or to control a person or
situation. Manipulative anger is dysfunctional when it is used as an emotional weapon
or tool for resolving conflicts with family members, peers, and others. Ultimately,
manipulative or instrumental anger is self-defeating as a long-term strategy.
Overwhelmed Anger: Overwhelmed or flooded anger can occur when overwhelming
fear, or a number of external demands or internal stressors overwhelm a person’s
coping ability. The overwhelmed or flooded anger reaction often resembles a temper
tantrum.
Do not be too alarmed if you experience one or more of the above types of anger
behaviors. Anger problems are a matter of their degree, duration, and consequences.
In any case, it is much easier to address a current or potential anger issue when we
can identify and describe it clearly.
Healthy Anger
Healthy anger is deliberate, proportional, and responsive to a clear and present need.
Healthy anger is a powerful tool of human survival and adaptation. It is functional and
in the service of valid goals. Anger becomes dysfunctional when it works against our
best interests or our higher values.
The feeling of anger is an emotional component of an instinctive physiological
reaction. It is also an inner signal that something may be wrong. Our intuition may be
informing us to watch out, or to assert ourselves, or to protect others. For example, we
may get angry or express anger if we see someone harming a defenseless child.
Reactive or impulsive anger may help us at these times to do the right thing
automatically. Usually it doesn’t. It just hurts others and gets us in trouble.

Channelized or sublimated anger is a type of healthy anger. It is anger which has been
redirected from its original source into socially acceptable forms of expression, like
aggressive sports, political blogging, or chopping wood.
Myths And Facts About Anger

Myth: I shouldn’t “hold in” my anger. It’s healthy to vent and let it out.
Fact: While it’s true that suppressing and ignoring anger is unhealthy, venting is no
better. Anger is not something you have to “let out” in an aggressive way in order to
avoid blowing up. In fact, outbursts and tirades only fuel the fire and reinforce your
anger problem.
Myth: Anger, aggression, and intimidation help me earn respect and get what I want.
Fact: True power doesn’t come from bullying others. People may be afraid of you, but
they won’t respect you if you can’t control yourself or handle opposing viewpoints.
Others will be more willing to listen to you and accommodate your needs if you
communicate in a respectful way.
Myth: I can’t help myself. Anger isn’t something you can control.
Fact: You can’t always control the situation you’re in or how it makes you feel, but
you can control how you express your anger. And you can express your anger without
being verbally or physically abusive. Even if someone is pushing your buttons, you
always have a choice about how to respond.
Myth: Anger management is about learning to suppress your anger.
Fact: Never getting angry is not a good goal. Anger is normal, and it will come out
regardless of how hard you try to suppress it. Anger management is all about
becoming aware of your underlying feelings and needs and developing healthier ways
to manage upset. Rather than trying to suppress your anger, the goal is to express it in
constructive ways.
If you feel that your anger is really out of control, if it is having an impact on your
relationships and on important parts of your life, you might consider counseling to
learn how to handle it better. A psychologist or other licensed psychological health
professional can work with you in developing a range of techniques for changing your
thinking and your behavior. When you talk to a prospective therapist, tell her/him that
you have problems with anger that you want to work on, and ask about his/her
approach to anger management. Make sure this isn’t only a course of action designed
to “put you in touch with your feelings and express them” - that may be precisely
what your problem is. With counseling, psychologists say, a highly angry person can
move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the

circumstances and the techniques used.
How Can I Manage Anger
When you’re angry, you might feel anywhere between a slight irritation to rage.
 When you start feeling angry, try deep breathing, positive self-talk, or stopping
your angry thoughts. Breathe deeply from your diaphragm. Slowly repeat a calm
word or phrase such as “relax” or “take it easy”. Repeat it to yourself while
breathing deeply until the anger subsides.
 Although expressing anger is better than keeping it in, there’s a right way to do it.
Try to express yourself clearly and calmly. Angry outbursts are stressful to your
nervous and cardiovascular systems and can make health problems worse.
 Consider the value of physical activity like regular exercise as a way to both
improve your mood and release tension and anger.

 Avoid using recreational drugs and drinking too much alcohol, which can make
you less likely to handle frustration.

 Get support from others. Talk through your feelings and try to work on changing
your behaviors.
 If you have trouble realizing when you are having angry thoughts, keep a written
log of when you feel angry.

 Try to gain a different perspective by putting yourself in another’s place.
 Learn how to laugh at yourself and see humor in situations.
 Practice good listening skills. Listening can help improve communication and can
build trusting feelings between people. This trust can help you deal with
potentially hostile emotions. A useful communication exercise is to say to
someone, “Let me make sure I understand what you’re saying” and then restate
back to them what you perceive as their main message or point of view. Often,
this approach helps to clarify misunderstandings that can lead to frustrations, and
help identify issues on which you may ultimately “agree to disagree” without
turning into a fight.
 Learn to assert yourself, expressing your feelings calmly and directly without
becoming defensive, hostile, or emotionally charged. Read self-help books or seek

help from a professional therapist to learn how to use assertiveness and anger
management skills.
Anger Management Therapy

Anger management therapy is designed to reduce the feelings and arousal anger
creates by allowing individuals to explore the underlying issues and triggers of angry
outbursts. You may be encouraged to reassess some of the unhelpful beliefs about
anger that may have been present in your family, and will need to confront how your
anger is affecting your relationships and impacting your quality of life. By
recognizing and accepting anger issues, you can begin to understand how to use anger
in a healthy and safe manner to cope with injustices and grievances. You will be
taught to pinpoint frustrations early on so they can be resolved in a way that allows
you to express your needs while remaining calm and in control. Essentially, anger
management can empower individuals to reach their goals, solve problems and
have their needs met without allowing their angry emotions to take on a life of their
own.
Anger management therapy is available in the form of group or one-to-one sessions -
depending on the individual needs of the client(s) involved. Typically the counselor
will work to address specific types of anger issues (relationships, adolescent,
parenting, work-related anger etc.) using methods such as cognitive behavioral
therapy and mindfulness. Some clients may attend sessions on their own account,
whilst others may be admitted by their doctor, the police or as part of a court-order
resulting from a domestic or legal issue.
Aims of Anger Management Counseling: Main aims of anger management
counseling are -
 Identify why a client gets angry (triggers).
 Change the way individuals respond to these triggers.
 Teach a client the skills to effectively handle anger triggers and keep calm when
they feel anger surging.
 Teach clients to have their needs met in a healthy, assertive way.
 Teach clients how to transform unhealthy anger into healthy anger in order to
motivate them to solve problems and find solutions.
 Teach clients how to communicate effectively to defuse anger and resolve
conflicts.
Anger management classes tend to last between four and six weeks, although in some
cases may take longer. Throughout sessions, clients will collaborate with the
counselor to learn specific skills and ways of thinking. These will be tailored to the
individual needs of the client and their personal circumstances. Most anger
management therapies also include homework projects, such as journal writing and
various exercises that strengthen the techniques learned in sessions. These allow
clients to practice anger management in real-life situations.
Most therapists say that it is important for the person to learn to recognize their anger.
This may take time. The following questions may help -
 How do I know when I am angry?
 What type of people, situations, events, places, triggers make me angry?
 How do I respond when I am angry? What do I do?
 What impact does my angry reaction have on other people?
Most people are able to answer these questions straight away with several examples.
However, it is only after some time that these questions can be answered
comprehensively. The initial answers are a good step forward; a good first step. Many
counselors ask their clients (patients) to continually ask themselves these questions
before being satisfied that they are fully knowledgeable about their personal anger.
Many people find it helps when they realize that anger and calmness are not black-or-
white emotions. There are varying degrees of anger, ranging from mild irritation to
full rage. Our experience of anger moves around within the continuum between rage
and calm. Those who see anger as black-or-white may have lost the ability to
recognize when they are experiencing lower states of anger - they may be irritated but
think they are furious, or even think they are calm.
Signs and Symptoms of Emerging Anger: Most people are able to identify signs
and symptoms of emerging anger which indicate where in the anger-calm continuum
they are. These may include -
Emotional Symptoms (typically, listed from irritation to rage) -
 A desire to escape from the situation
 Irritation
 Sadness or depression
 Guilt
 Resentment
 Anxiety
 Desire to lash out verbally
 Desire to lash out physically.
The following may also occur (possibly in order, sometimes not) -
 start rubbing your face with your hand;
 may fidget or clasp one hand with the other;
 start pacing around;
 become cynical and/or sarcastic;
 sense of humor starts to go;

 become rude and abusive;
 crave substances that you think relax you, such as alcohol, tobacco or drugs;
 voice starts getting louder; and
 start screaming or crying.
Some people are able to identify the onset of these physical symptoms when they are
getting angry -
 Grinding teeth
 Clenching their jaw
 Stomach upset
 Accelerated heart rate
 Sweating
 Breathlessness (rapid shallow breathing)
 Hot flashes in the face and/or neck
 Trembling hands, and sometimes lips or jaw
 Dizziness
 Tingling at the back of the neck.
Rating Your Anger: Being able to identify what happens when you are angry, and at
which point in the continuum between mild irritation and fury/rage the anger
components listed above occur, makes it easier for you to rate your anger. When you
are able to do this, it then becomes possible to use effective anger management
techniques. Remember that anger is not a leap from calm to fury, there are many
levels in between - if you are aware of this, as well as some other factors, it is easier
to be in control, to think things through in a logical way. There are many ways of
rating your anger - some people devise a scale from 1 to 100, with 100 being
fury/rage.
Having An Anger Plan: Being able to rate your anger helps you know where you are
in the anger scale - that alone will not get rid of the anger; it is a step. The next step is
to devise an anger plan. Anger plans may vary and depend on certain aspects of the
person, as well as his/her circumstances. An anger plan may include -
 Taking time out - remove yourself from the situation that is triggering the anger so
that you have space to gather your thoughts and calm down. People with anger
management difficulties to take time out from a situation, argument or
confrontation. Try stepping out of the room, or going for a walk. Before you go,
remember to make a time to talk about the situation later when everyone involved
has calmed down. Also spend some of that time out planning how you are going
to remain calm when you are back in that situation again.
 Change the subject - if a particular conversation includes an anger trigger, start

talking about something else.
 Relaxation techniques - If you can find a physical therapist who specializes in
management anger relaxation techniques, do a few sessions with him/her. It will
be worth it. Effective relaxation needs to be done properly and requires some
practice to be really effective.
 Delay your responses - some people find that counting to ten, or using some
strategy to slow the pace of a conversation that is starting to bother them helps.
Delaying responses may be used even if the situation is not a conversation, such
as a feeling of growing frustration during a traffic jam. Taking steps to slow down
the accumulation of factors that heighten your anger gives you time to recover
your logical thought processes.
Have An Anger Diary: Some people find that writing down what happened, how
they felt, what was occurring before-during-after their episode of anger, helps them
anticipate anger triggers as well as coping during and after episodes. Being able to
read about what happened, what worked, what didn’t work, etc., helps achieve a more
effective anger management plan.
Other Useful Tips
 Slow things down - count to ten; devise strategies to slow things down. As your
pace slows down try to visualize a relaxing or pleasant experience - take your
mind there.
 Express your anger - make sure you do this when you have calmed down. Do this
in an assertive non-aggressive way.
 Cognitive restructuring - according to APA, this means changing the way you
think. An angry person may have overly-dramatic thinking. When things go
wrong, change such thoughts as “Everything’s ruined” to, for example, “This is
frustrating, but it is not the end of the world”. Try to avoid ‘absolute’ words like
‘always’ or ‘never’, they tend to make the angry person think there is no solution.
They also humiliate and/or alienate people who could become useful allies in
anger management.
 Exercise regularly - many of the hormones we release when we are angry are
produced to help us get out of danger. This was great hundreds and thousands of
years ago when we had to run away from bears and predators. Exercise uses up
those chemicals and hormones. If you exercise regularly not only will your body
better regulate your adrenaline and cortisol levels, but as you become fitter you
well have better levels of endorphins - natural feel-good hormones. You will also
sleep better; a crucial factor for good psychological health.
 Plan what you want to say - if something is bothering you, remember that you are
more likely to get sidetracked when discussing an issue if you are angry. Taking
notes before the conversation may help you steer the course of the conversation.
 Focus on the solution, not just the problem - it is fine and useful to identify what
made you angry. However, it is much more important to focus on ways to resolve
the problem.
 The word “I” is more constructive than the word “You” - when giving praise, the
word “You” is great. However, when you are angry or resentful the word “I”
tends to achieve better results. For example - “I find this subject upsetting. Could
we talk about something else, please?” is better than “Why did you bring that
up....?”
 Don’t hold on to resentment - holding a grudge against somebody can only fuel
your anger and make it harder to control it. It is important to be realistic and
accept that people are the way they are, rather than how you want them to be.
Many of the strategies mentioned here, such as expressing your anger, are more
likely to help resolve your anger, compared to holding a grudge.
 Humor - don’t give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that’s just another form of
unhealthy anger expression. Good humor can sometimes dissolve anger and
resentment faster than anything else. Humor is a fantastic weapon and also a gift.
Even if it means just laughing - as long as there is no risk of misinterpretation -
your mood can change for the better rapidly. Some people find that just
remembering a funny joke, or imagining themselves or the other person in a silly
situation gets their mind away from the anger.
 Timing - if you and your partner find your evening discussions tend to turn into
rows, possibly because you or both of you are tired or distracted, change the times
when you talk about important matters. In some cases the fights at that time of day
initially started because you were tired or distracted, and over time simply became
a habit.
 Proper breathing - just as anger can increase your breathing and heart rates and
tenses up your muscles, you can learn to reverse this by deliberately slowing your
breathing and systematically relaxing and loosening your muscles. As soon as you
feel those shallow rapid breaths coming on, which tend to aggravate anger, take
action to redirect your breathing. If you can, spend 15 minutes focusing on
relaxation - it can work wonders.
 Take several slow and long deep breaths in a row.
 Spend twice as long exhaling as inhaling.

 Count slowly to four as you inhale.
 Then breathe out slowly as you count to eight.
 Make each breath deep and slow, and focus on where the air is going.
 Your inhalation should start from your belly, then your lower chest, and
finally your upper chest. Feel your ribs open up when you fill your lungs.
 When you slowly exhale feel your ribs coming back to the original positions -
exhale completely.
 If at any time you feel odd or slightly dizzy go back to normal breathing for a
couple of minutes.
 Sleep - try to get at least 7 hours good quality sleep every night. Sleep is crucial
for good psychological and physical health. Sleep deprivation has been linked in
many studies to psychological, physical and emotional health problems -
including anger.
 Use your senses - Take advantage of the relaxing power of your sense of sight,
smell, hearing, touch, and taste. You might try listening to music or picturing
yourself in a favorite place.
 Focus on the present - Once you are in the heat of arguing, it’s easy to start
throwing past grievances into the mix. Rather than looking to the past and
assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the problem.
 Be willing to forgive - Resolving conflict is impossible if you’re unwilling or
unable to forgive. Resolution lies in releasing the urge to punish, which can never
compensate for our losses and only adds to our injury by further depleting and
draining our lives.
 Put your safety first - Trust your instincts. If you feel unsafe or threatened in any
way, get away from your loved one and go somewhere safe.
 Use logic - Even when it’s justified, anger can quickly become irrational. Remind
yourself that the world is not out to get you and that you’re just experiencing one
of life’s inevitable rough spots. Do this each time you start feeling angry, and
you’ll get a more balanced perspective.
Controlling Short-Term Anger

Everyone gets angry on occasion. If you’re experiencing overwhelming rage, though,
it could be damaging your psychological and physical health. It can also be indicative
of underlying problems, such as anger management issues or psychological disorder.
It’s important to control your emotions and calm yourself down for your own sake as
well as for the sake of those around you.
1. Take a break as soon as you recognize that you’re angry. You can take a break by
stopping what you’re doing, getting away from whatever is irritating you, and/or
just taking a breather. Getting away from whatever is upsetting you will make it
infinitely easier to calm down. Try it out in these situations -
 If you’re experiencing road rage, pull over on a side road and turn off the car.
 If you’re angry at work, go to a room or step outside for a moment. If you’re
driving to work, consider sitting in your car so that you’re in a space you own.
 If you’re upset at home, go to a single-occupancy space (such as the
bathroom) or for a walk or go for a walk with your dog.
 If you’re experiencing anger in an unfamiliar place, don’t just wander off by
yourself. Tell whoever you’re with that you need a short mental vacation, and
ask that s/he stand a few extra paces away from you.
 Close your eyes and try to imagine yourself somewhere peaceful.
2. Breathe deeply. If your heart hammers with rage, slow it down by controlling your
breathing. Count to three as you inhale, hold the breath in your lungs for three
more seconds, and count to three again as you exhale. Focus only on the numbers
as you do this, and refuse to think about whatever is angering you. Repeat as
many times as necessary.
3. Go to a “happy place”. If you’re still having a difficult time calming down,
imagine yourself in a scene you find incredibly relaxing. It could be your
childhood backyard, a quiet forest, a solitary island - whatever locale makes you
feel at home and peaceful. Focus on imagining every detail of this place - the
light, the noises, the temperature, the weather, the smells. Keep dwelling on your
happy place until you feel completely immersed in it, and hang out there for a few
minutes or until you feel calm.
4. If that still doesn’t work, it is recommended that you remember the best times you
have spent and remember every happy situation possible, if you can. It can be
with your mother, friends, or your partner. Try to bring a smile to your face by
remembering such incidents.
5. Practice positive self-talk. When you’re ready, “discuss” the situation with
yourself in positive and relieving terms. If you find a form of positive self-talk
that really works for you, make it a mantra. Repeat it to yourself as many times as
you need to in order to return to the right frame of mind.
6. Ask for the support of someone you trust. If you’re still upset, sharing your
concerns with a close friend or confidant might help. Clearly express what you
want from the other person. If you just want a sounding board, state at the
beginning that you don’t want help or advice, just sympathy. If you’re looking for
a solution, let the other person know.
7. Set a time limit. Give yourself a set amount of time to vent about what’s upsetting
you, and stick to it - when time is up, your rant is over. This will help you move
on instead of dwelling on the situation endlessly.
8. Try to see some humor in what angered you. After you’ve calmed down and
established that you’re ready to get over the incident, try to see the lighter side. By
Casting the incident in a humorous light, it can help you maintain positivity and
avoid getting angry over the same thing next time.
Controlling Long-Term Anger

1. Engage in physical activity. The endorphins that come from exercise can help you
calm down, and moving your body provides a physical outlet for your rage. Try
these activities, you can practice alone - Running/Jogging; Weight training;
Cycling; Yoga; Basketball; Martial arts; Swimming; Netball; Boxing etc.
2. Restructure the way you think about your life. Cognitive habits are the hardest to
break, but it can be done. Ask yourself honestly, if you see everyone and
everything as an adversary or an obstacle. Odds are, the world isn’t exactly that
way - but you think it is, whether it’s due to paranoia or past experience. Try these
tips on changing your worldview -
 When you wake up in the morning, resolve that you’re going to greet every
person or experience as if it’s brand-new to you. Shed your preconceived
notions and give everything a fresh start.
 When you find yourself falling into the same thought ruts, say “Stop it” out
loud. Consciously change your line of thinking to something else.
 Try on different points of view. Instead of focusing exclusively on how you’re
affected by a situation, ask yourself how it affects the other people involved?
Think about the obstacles they’re dealing with, and how they’re responding.
3. Keep a journal of what upsets you and how you plan to fix it. Every time
you’re overwhelmingly angry, write down exactly what happened. (It’s important
to be honest, even if it casts you in an unfavorable light - remember, a journal is
meant to be private.) Then, plan out what you’re going to do to fix the
problem and avoid running into it next time. If you do find yourself in the
same upsetting situation refer back to your journal notes to see what else you can
do.
4. See a psychological health professional. If your anger has progressed to the point
that it’s interfering with your day-to-day life or your ability to maintain positive
relationships, see a doctor. S/he can assess the root of your problem and whether
or not you require therapy, medication, or some combination of both.
Realize that depression even that diagnosed by a professional, can at root be caused
by anger and the frustration arising when it cannot or is not rectified, and there is no
justice. Because anger in most cases must be suppressed, so as to not cause harm to
oneself and others, or its source has caused humiliation and shame, and because one
seethes with it when not released, and one pushes it into the unconscious, its
unresolved festering can cause depression or animosity, when actually the true
problem may be they are simply unaware of what one’s standards are. Confront the
perpetrator in some way to let them know that they are making one angry. Of course,
caution must be considered in the event of the possibility of violence.
Strategies for Anger Kills

Following the 12 strategies that we can use to control anger and aggression -
1. Acknowledge That you Have a Problem: If you find it difficult to manage your
anger, the first thing you need to do is to be honest with yourself and acknowledge
that you have a problem. You can then make a plan to deal with it.
2. Keep a Hostility Log: Do you know what causes your anger? Chances are, you
don’t understand why you react angrily to some people or events. Download our
hostility log worksheet to monitor the triggers and the frequency of your anger.
When you know what makes you angry, you can develop strategies to channel it
effectively.
3. Use Your Support Network: Let the important people in your life know about the
changes that you’re trying to make. They can motivate and support you if you
lapse into old behaviors. These should be give-and-take relationships. Put some
time aside every day to invest in these relationships, especially with close friends
and family. You need to be there for them, just as they’re willing to be there for
you. You can alleviate stress when you spend time with people you care about.
This also helps you control your anger.
4. Interrupt the Anger Cycle: When you start to feel angry, try the following
techniques -
 Yell “Stop” loudly in your thoughts. This can interrupt the anger cycle.
 Use physical relaxation techniques like deep breathing or centering.
 Count to 20 before you respond.

 Manage your negative thoughts with imagery and positive thinking.
 Close your office door or find a quiet space, and meditate for five minutes.
 Distract yourself from your anger - visit your favorite website, play a song that
you like, daydream about a hobby that you enjoy, or take a walk.
 Another approach is to consider the facts of the situation, so that you can talk
yourself out of being angry.
To use this strategy, look at what you can observe about the person or situation,
not what you’re inferring about someone’s motivations or intentions. Does this
situation deserve your attention? And is your anger justified here? When you look
only at the facts, you’ll likely determine that it’s unproductive to respond with
anger.
5. Use Empathy: If another person is the source of your anger, use empathy to see
the situation from his/her perspective. Be objective here. Everyone makes
mistakes, and it is through mistakes that people learn how to improve.
6. See the Humor in Your Anger: Learn to laugh at yourself and do not take
everything seriously. The next time you feel tempted to lash out; try to see the
humor in your expressions of anger. One way to do this is to ‘catastrophize’ the
situation. This is when you exaggerate a petty situation that you feel angry about,
and then laugh at your self-importance. For example, imagine that you’re angry
because a sick team member missed a day of work. As a result, a report you were
depending on is now late. To catastrophize the situation, you think, “Wow, she
must have been waiting months for the opportunity to mess up my schedule like
this. She and everyone on the team probably planned this, and they’re probably
sending her updates about how angry I’m getting”. Obviously, this grossly
exaggerates the situation. When you imagine a ridiculous and overblown version
of the story, you’ll likely find yourself smiling by the end of it.
7. Relax: Angry people let little things bother them. If you learn to calm down,
you’ll realize that there is no real need to get upset, and you’ll have fewer angry
episodes. Regular exercise can help you relax in tense situations. When possible,
go for a walk, or stretch and breathe deeply whenever you start to feel upset. You
will also feel more relaxed when you get enough sleep and eat a healthy diet.
Dehydration can often lead to irritability too, so keep hydrated throughout the day
by drinking plenty of water.
8. Build Trust: Angry people can be cynical. They can believe that others do things
on purpose to annoy or frustrate them, even before anything happens. However,
people often focus less on you than you might think. Build trust with friends and
colleagues. That way, you’ll be less likely to get angry with them when something
goes wrong. You’ll also be less likely to attribute the problem to malicious intent
on their part. To build trust, be honest with people. Explain your actions or
decisions when you need to, and always keep your word. If you do this
consistently, people will learn that they can trust you. They’ll also follow your
lead, and you’ll learn that you can trust them in return.
9. Listen Effectively: Miscommunication contributes to frustrating situations. The

better you listen to what someone says, the easier it is to find a resolution that
doesn’t involve an angry response. So, improve your active listening skills. When
others are speaking, focus on what they’re saying, and don’t get distracted by
formulating your response before they’ve finished. When they’re done speaking,
show that you listened by reflecting back what they have just said.
10. Be Assertive: Remember, the word is ‘assertive’, not ‘aggressive’. When you’re
aggressive, you focus on winning. You care little for others’ feelings, rights, and
needs. When you’re assertive, you focus on balance. You’re honest about what
you want, and you respect the needs of others. If you’re angry, it’s often difficult
to express yourself clearly. Learn to assert yourself and let other people know
your expectations, boundaries, and issues. When you do, you’ll find that you
develop self-confidence, gain respect, and improve your relationships.
11. Live Each Day as if it’s Your Last: Life is short. If you spend all of your
time getting angry, you’re going to miss the many joys and surprises that life
offers. Think about how many times your anger has destroyed a relationship, or
caused you to miss a happy day with friends and family. That’s time that you’ll
never get back. However, you can prevent this from happening again - the choice
is yours.
12. Forgive and Forget: To ensure that you make long-term changes, you need to
forgive people who have angered you. It’s not easy to forget past resentments, but
the only way to move on is to let go of these feelings. So, start today. Make
amends with one person that you’ve hurt through your anger. It might be difficult,
but you’ll feel better afterwards. Plus, you’ll be one step closer to healing the
relationship.
Anger Management Style: Get Some Exercise

Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you
feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other
enjoyable physical activities.
Anger Style: Explosive
 What it looks like: If you leave your jacket on the floor one more time, I’m
leaving you! It may take a lot to push you over the edge, but when you get there,
the earth shakes and people run for cover.
 Why you might do it: If you were never taught how to deal with irritation, you
may habitually swallow it until you can swallow no more. Eventually your top
will blow. Some people are anger junkies, who get off on the adrenaline rush of an
emotional explosion, not to mention the fact that the onslaught can mean they get
their way - at least in the short term.
 The damage: It is virtually impossible to feel empathy and anger simultaneously,
so in the heat of the moment, you are more likely to say and do overly harsh
things that you later regret.
How to Turn It Around: Wait it out. Research has shown that the neurological anger
response lasts less than two seconds. Beyond that, it takes a commitment to stay
angry. Mentally recite the “Pledge of Allegiance” or count to 10 and see if the urge to
explode has diminished. Own your emotions - A simple rephrasing of your feelings
can help you feel more in control. “I’m really upset by your behavior” is much more
effective and empowering than %#*&@!
Anger Style: Self-Abuse
 What it looks like: “It’s my fault he doesn’t help me. I’m a terrible wife”. You
find a way to make everything your fault, every single time.
 Why you might do it: Somewhere along the line, your self-esteem took a beating
and you decided that sometimes it’s just safer and easier to be mad at yourself
than at someone else.
 The damage: Constantly turning angry feelings inward can set you up for
continued disappointments and even depression.
How to Turn It Around: Question yourself. Every time you feel the urge to assume
blame, start by asking yourself, “Who told me I was responsible for this?” Then ask,
“Do I really believe that?” Instead of accepting all responsibility, thank yourself for
recognizing the pattern in the first place. Work on your self-worth. Make a list of your
positive qualities. Developing a genuine sense of worthiness is a critical step in
overcoming self-blame. Seek out a professional if you need more help in working
around this issue.
Anger Style: Avoidance
 What it looks like: “I’m fine. It’s fine. Everything’s fine”. Even when there’s a
fireball of rage burning in your gut, you paste on a happy face and dodge any
display of irritation. This isn’t passive aggression; it’s buried aggression.
 Why you might do it: “Women in particular are told over and over again to be
nice no matter what. Get angry and you could lose your reputation, marriage,
friends, or job”. If you grew up in a volatile or abusive home, you may not believe
anger can be controlled or expressed calmly.
 The damage: The primary function of anger is to signal that something is amiss
and encourage resolution. By ignoring that warning sign, you may end up
engaging in self-destructive behaviors (overeating, excessive shopping). You’re
also basically giving the green light to other people’s bad behavior or denying
them the opportunity to make amends. How can they apologize if they don’t know
you’ve been hurt?
How to Turn It Around: Challenge your core beliefs. Ask yourself, “Is it really fine
for my employees to leave early whenever they want? For my partner to go golfing
every weekend?” If you’re honest, the resounding answer to these questions is
probably “You know what? It’s not fine”. Recognizing that something is wrong is the
first step to setting it right. Step outside yourself. Imagine that a friend is the one
being abused, overworked, or neglected. What would be the appropriate way for
his/her to respond? Make a list of actions s/he might take, then ask yourself why it is
“OK” for his/her, but not you, to react that way. Embrace healthy confrontation.
Someone ticked you off? Tell the person - in a positive, constructive way. Yes, s/he
might be surprised, possibly even angered, by your words. And you know what? S/he
will get over it. Avoidance often does more damage to families and friendships than
any expression of anger.
Anger Style: Sarcasm
 What it looks like: “It’s OK that you’re late. I had time to read the menu - 40
times”. You find a roundabout way of getting your digs in, with a half smile.
 Why you might do it: You were probably raised to believe that expressing
negative emotions directly isn’t OK, so you take a more indirect route. If folks get
mad, it’s their fault, not yours. After all, you were just kidding. Can’t people take
a joke?
 The damage: Even though couched in wit, your cutting comments can damage
your relationships.
How to Turn It Around: Give it to them straight. Sarcasm is passive-aggressive
communication. Find words to express how you feel head-on. You might explain to a
tardy friend, say, after you’re seated, “I wish you would try to be on time, especially
when you know we have limited time”. Be firm and clear. This is especially true with
children, to whom a gentle “Jumping on the furniture is not acceptable” sends a much
clearer message than the snarky “Don’t worry - we just happen to have 2,00000 taka
set aside for a new sofa”. Speak up before you get bitter. Exercising assertiveness
prior to arriving at your breaking point can help prevent a sarcastic streak from
popping out.
Anger Style: Passive-Aggressive

 What it looks like: “Oops. Did I delete all those old games from the TV?” You
don’t hide or swallow your anger, but you express it in an underhanded way.
 Why you might do it: You dislike confrontation, but you’re no pushover, either.
People become ‘anger sneaks’ when they believe they can’t stand up to others.
Some people who are cautious by nature turn to this style when they feel pushed
outside their comfort zones.
 The damage: You frustrate people. Todd puts it another way - “You’re living your
life around making sure other people don’t get what they want, instead of striving
for what would make you happy”. The bottom line - No one wins.
How to Turn It Around: Give yourself permission to get angry. Tell yourself that
anger is your psyche’s way of saying you’re tired of being pushed around. A mantra -
Assertiveness is fine; aggression (passive or otherwise) is not. Advocate for yourself.
Instead of ‘forgetting’ to turn in your report at work or showing up late to meetings,
gather your courage and tell your boss that your workload has gotten too heavy or that
you’re having an issue with a coworker. It won’t be easy, but neither is looking for
another job. Take control. If you turn to passive aggression when you’re
uncomfortable with what’s expected of you, it’s important to do something to take the
reins of your situation. Unable to manage the house or the finances solo? Rather than
doing a haphazard job of it (subconsciously, of course), tell your partner how
important it is that he contributes.
Anger Style: Habitual Irritation
 What it looks like: “I am sick and tired of you borrowing my stapler. Get your
own”. This is often less a reaction to events and more a default option. It’s always
on unless you consciously turn it off.
 Why you might do it: If your discontent dwells directly below the surface and is
constantly seeping through, there’s probably resentment, regret, or frustration
boiling beneath. Maybe your coworker got the promotion and you didn’t. Or your
marriage is falling apart and you’re not sure why.
 The damage: If you’re always ready to blow, friends, family, and coworkers may
take great pains to avoid upsetting you. Or they may avoid you altogether. The
most likely result? No progress - you stay stuck in the same vicious cycle.
How to Turn It Around: Get to the heart of it. What are you really mad about? If you
dig deep, you’ll realize it probably isn’t about a stapler - or dirty socks on the floor, or
an empty milk carton in the refrigerator, or any of the other small things that make
you so frustrated. Consider professional intervention if you can’t get to the bottom of
it on your own. Tune in to anger clues. Become aware of the actions and feelings
associated with your irritation. When you’re enraged, do you ball your hands into
fists? Pace around the room? Grumble, swear, or grit your teeth? As you identify and
experience each physiological response, make a mindful effort to do something -
anything else. Visualize peace. Try this technique to stop rising anger before it
overtakes you. Imagine your breath as a wave, a surge of color, or even a breeze.
Watch it come in and out; optimally each breath will be deep and quiet. Hear yourself
speaking calmly and softly to yourself and to others. Your anger reflex should
diminish another degree each time you do this imaging.
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CONFLICT RESOLUTION AND ANGER MANAGEMENT

Chapter · March 2017

Syed Muhammad Sajjad Kabir

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CONFLICT RESOLUTION AND ANGER

Why Should Resolve Conflict

Strategies for Conflict Resolution

Conflict Resolution Skills

motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. Sometimes these differences

Conflict Resolution, Stress, and Emotions

How Should You Resolve Conflict

Conflict Resolution in the Corporate World

Why Do We Get Angry

When Is Anger A Problem

Why Manage Anger

of a mood disorder, a personality disorder, a substance use problem, or another mental

Common Types of Anger

automatically. Usually it doesn’t. It just hurts others and gets us in trouble.

Myths And Facts About Anger

move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks, depending on the

How Can I Manage Anger

improve your mood and release tension and anger.

you less likely to handle frustration.

log of when you feel angry.

 Learn how to laugh at yourself and see humor in situations.

becoming defensive, hostile, or emotionally charged. Read self-help books or seek

Anger Management Therapy

 sense of humor starts to go;

 Change the subject - if a particular conversation includes an anger trigger, start

 Spend twice as long exhaling as inhaling.

Controlling Short-Term Anger

Controlling Long-Term Anger

Strategies for Anger Kills

 Count to 20 before you respond.

9. Listen Effectively: Miscommunication contributes to frustrating situations. The

Anger Management Style: Get Some Exercise

Anger Style: Passive-Aggressive

Kabir, S.M.S. (2017). Essentials of Counseling. Abosar Prokashana Sangstha, ISBN:

Bangladesher Samajtattwa (Sociology of Bangladesh). Protik Publisher,

ISBN: 978-984-8794-69-2, Dhaka-1100.

climate change in Bangladesh. Asian Journal of Psychiatry, Elsevier,34, 74–

Indian Journal of Health and Wellbeing, 6(7), 663-666, ISSN-p-2229-5356,e-

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