Book The Bully-Proof Workplace

Essential Strategies, Tips, and Scripts for Dealing with the

Office Sociopath
Peter J. Dean and Molly D. Shepard

McGraw-Hill, 2017 more...

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Bullies can damage and undermine a workplace, but you can learn to deal with them.

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Bullies blight the workplace. They harm morale and productivity. But if you understand bullies, you can learn to deal
with them. Bullies fall into four categories: “Belier, Blocker, Braggart” and “Brute.” Confronting a bully is difficult,
but if you succeed, you may benefit almost immediately. You could feel a weight lift from your shoulders and take
pride in your ability as an executive. But, authors Peter. J. Dean and Molly D. Shepard caution in this exhaustive – and
sometimes exhausting – manual, if things don’t go well, you could face an even more difficult situation. They offer
varied techniques for putting bullies in their place. getAbstract recommends their guidance to human resource officials,
managers and victims of bullies.

In this summary, you will learn

 How to identify, diagnose and respond to four types of bullies; and
 What steps to take to create a workplace that discourages bullying.

Take-Aways
  Bullies blight the workplace. Bullying affects 65 million US workers each year.
 Bullies lack the capacity to listen to other people with respect.
 If you succeed in confronting a bully, you could benefit almost immediately. Weigh the benefits and
downsides of standing up for yourself.
 Beware of four kinds of bullies: “Beliers” defame and mislead others by exploiting untruths and false stories.
 “Blockers” bully obsessively. They create inflexible rules they want others to follow.
 “Braggarts” love themselves excessively and seek to stay in the spotlight.
 “Brutes” become violently angry if called to account.
 Try to understand the bully’s emotional context. Insight into the bully’s psyche will help you stand up for
yourself.
 To keep your workplace free from bullies, make integrity your company’s foundation.
 Keep track of evidence of bullying by using the “Critical Incident Technique,” which categorizes types of
bullying based on “real-world examples in the workplace.”

Summary
The Workplace Blight

Bullies create havoc in workplaces by upsetting people, disrupting harmony and undermining morale and productivity.
Workplace bullying affects 65 million people in the US each year. When Charlotte Rayner and her associates at the
Manchester School of Management studied bullying, they found that 25% of workers have suffered bullying at work.

Bullies are everywhere. They pick on people, harass them and make them feel angry and small. Bullies lack the
capacity to listen to others with respect. They do not care if the way they act emotionally harms someone else.

“All bullies generate a negative and toxic work environment.”

Types of Bullies

Bullies come in four categories:

“Standing up to your bully is a personal challenge. If it goes well, you will

see the positive results right away.”

1. “Belier” – These liars defame and mislead others by exploiting untruths and false stories. They belittle the
people they bully by spreading rumors and insults about them.
2. “Blocker” – These obstructionists act obsessively. They create inflexible rules that they want other people to
follow. They try to prevent people from sharing ideas.
3. “Braggart” – These egoists love themselves excessively and seek the spotlight. They aggressively push their
opinions even when they know nothing about a subject.
4. “Brute” – While all bullies have a negative impact on your workplace, these thugs can do the most damage.
Brutes use abrasive and unseemly behavior to control others with no thought for the victims’ well-being.
Brutes harass their targets incessantly. People being bullied by a brute are physically and mentally unhappy
and will consider leaving your company because of how the brute treats them.

A bully’s personality emerges as a result of complex personal histories and interactions. Bullies can be introverted or
extroverted. Introverted bullies are usually beliers and blockers. Extroverted bullies are usually braggarts or brutes.

“When bullying occurs, the bully is acting out of his own self-interest.”
Standing Up for Yourself

Confronting a bully is difficult. If you succeed, you could benefit almost immediately. You may feel a weight lift from
your shoulders and feel justifiably proud of your people skills. But if things don’t go well, you could face an even
more difficult situation. Assess the benefits and downsides of challenging a bully and standing up for yourself. Make
sure you don’t feel overwrought when you try to talk to a bully, because that tension will work against you. Consider
what such an encounter requires.

“Conflict instigated by a bully is more severe; it is an expression of efforts

to seize control.”

You will need excellent people skills, language ability and insight into your firm’s political landscape. Prepare
yourself so you feel more confident. Once you are sure you can remain unshaken by the bully’s opposition, set up a
one-on-one meeting to discuss the situation.

Listening to the Bully

Practice “nondefensive listening.” Psychologist Karl Menninger says people feel drawn to people who listen to them.
Watch the other person’s eyes. Don’t interject when a bully speaks. Don’t constantly evaluate him or her. Give the
bully time to speak and try to understand his or her emotional context. This doesn’t mean you have to feel sorry for a
bully, but gaining insight into the bully’s psyche can help you stand up for yourself. No matter what kind of bully you
have to deal with, open your conversation the same way. Explain how you expect colleagues to treat one another.
Contrast this with what you have actually seen or experienced in the bully’s behavior. Use as few words as possible
while presenting as much detail as you can.

“The first and most logical person to discuss being bullied with is your boss.
But if your boss is the bully, this is not the most practical first step.”

“Critical Incident Technique”

Keep track of evidence of bullying. Use a tool like the Critical Incident Technique (CIT) developed by J.C. Flanagan,
which categorizes incidents of bullying based on “real-world examples in the workplace.” Document instances of
bullying behavior in detail. Make your description clear enough so anyone can understand the likely impact of the
unwelcome attacks.

“Confrontation is never easy, so knowing yourself and your readiness is

important, as is knowing whether confrontation is safe.”

Bullies tend to come in four types. Here’s how to face them:

Dealing with Beliers

Understanding a belier’s motives and actions is challenging because a belier spreads untruths covertly. These liars
typically feel inadequate. Often, this twists them into adopting a distorted perspective and a mistaken or warped
understanding or interpretation of other people’s actions.

Beliers…besmirch others behind their backs with false statements, rumors,

deceptions and innuendos.”

Beliers have difficulty maintaining friendships because they distrust other people’s success. They could seem friendly
with someone at work but drop the friendship if the colleague shows signs of efficiency and effectiveness. Since a
belier’s emotional state can fluctuate, maintaining a stable relationship is hard. Initially, everything may seem fine and
the belier may maintain an outward facade of support. Behind the scenes, though, the belier could attempt to
undermine you.

“Blockers bully directly by preventing any significant input from others.”

If you object publicly to beliers’ distorted claims, they may try to destroy your reputation. They could attempt to
malign you and use personal information against you. Beliers demean others without exposing their personal fears
about their own competence and faults. Beliers fear being inadequate. They manipulate information to sabotage their
co-workers and managers. They are mean and will try to create differences among colleagues who get on well. Beliers
act secretively. They embellish and blow stories out of proportion.

Dealing with Blockers

Anxiety motivates blockers. They worry about not getting things just right. They fear having someone else take charge.
The people they try to bully shouldn’t take it personally. Blockers are usually difficult in meetings. If they try to
prevent you from speaking, politely tell them that you want to complete your thought.

“Interject if the Braggart begins to grandstand, gently reminding him that

today the meeting is focused on gathering everyone’s ideas.”

As a manager, explore why a blocker so fears losing control. Did this person exhibit lack of self-control before?
Present ideas to a blocker one at a time. Offer the blocker feedback about how his or her behavior makes you feel.
Blockers typically act aggressively; they are obstructionists. They can build up power in a firm because no one wants
to confront them. Bounce your ideas off other team members. Ask for their backing and comments to help strengthen
your resolve.

“The Brute needs to understand that it is not just the content of her rants
but the way she is communicating that is the problem.”

Dealing with Braggarts

Braggarts see themselves as unblemished and think other people do, too. They don’t realize their colleagues see their
excessive self-centeredness, their bragging and their attacks on others as bullying. Braggarts are difficult to manage,
but as you become aware of how they operate, you can maneuver a conversation to blunt their impact. You can turn it
from being a monologue by the braggart into a more open discussion with other team members as participants.

Braggarts feel extremely vulnerable to the way others see them. If a braggart overwhelms a meeting with his or her
stories, redirect the flow of conversation. If you lead a team at a meeting, create an inclusive atmosphere. For instance,
you can compliment the braggart on one story or ask the braggart and other team members how they would respond to
particular issues. Warn other team members that you intend to call on them despite the braggart’s torrent of talking –
and do so.

“Brutes are especially difficult to deal with because of their potentially

explosive reaction to being confronted.”

A braggart loves an audience, but when it comes to confronting this type of bully, do it in private. Underneath the
excessive need for acclamation, a braggart could have some decency. Call on this trait, and urge this bully to see how
he or she is acting and to change that behavior. In the past, other colleagues may not have told this egoist how they
feel. Talk to the braggart truthfully and explain how bullying behavior affects you and everyone else.

“Bullying is not a cause for legal action in American civil courts currently,
but we anticipate that it is just a matter of time.”
When you have to deal with a braggart, behave as an extrovert. If the braggart happens to be an extrovert, tread
gingerly. Pay attention to what he or she says and how you respond.

Dealing with Brutes

One day a man got on a treadmill at his fairly empty gym. An angry-looking fellow approached him and asked how
much time he intended to spend on the machine. The first man said he had just begun and that he objected to the other
man’s tone of voice. The angry man’s rather explosive reaction typified the behavior of brutes.

“When you become an employee…you do not give up your human rights. You maintain
the freedom to address any behavior that is directed and destructive to you or
others.”

The man who was using the treadmill handled the situation calmly. He made it clear that he didn’t intend to enter into
an interaction or an argument with the bully. Do this with brutes in the workplace. Try to stop a brute’s bullying as
soon as it begins.

People usually find it difficult to manage brutes because they become violently angry if called to account. It is very
hard to deal calmly with someone who is acting in an illogical, emotionally overwrought manner. Yet, you must call
on your inner resources to do exactly that. Even if the brute acts abrasively and seems threatening, retain your
composure. Continue the discussion, and don’t take the brute’s reaction to heart. Explain to the brute that the way he
or she communicates poses as much of a problem as the content of his or her harangues. A company may face the
tricky problem of having a senior executive who acts like a brute. Alas, others emulate his or her example, which can
destroy an organization’s morale. CEOs must get such executives to leave their jobs “sooner rather than later, if not
immediately.”

Bullies and Their Impact

In 2013, Gallup classified workers into three categories. The first are workers who connect emotionally with their jobs.
They enjoy good rapport with their managers and perform productively. The second category is made up of workers
who don’t get involved with their work. The third category feels disconnected. They use their time and effort for
almost everything except work, doing just enough to avoid reprimands. This unhappy situation can have many causes,
but all too often, disconnected workers feel this way because they have managers who bully them.

In his book The Future of Work, Jacob Morgan stresses that the managerial role has become less important. Yet, many
conventionally trained or older managers struggle to retain control despite the radical changes altering most
organizations. Many businesses have shifted from a rigidly hierarchical structure to one that requires cooperation.
Today’s employees want greater control over their work. Traditional managers must change how they behave, or they
could end up bullying their workers in a misguided effort to maintain excess control.

A Secure Workplace

Confront bullies and keep records of episodes of bullying behavior. To make sure that your workplace is free from
bullies, make integrity the foundation of your organization. Help employees develop a moral code that leads them to
consider how they act. In time, your firm can engender a culture that values truthfulness, justice and a commitment to
keeping promises.

Foster the practice of courage. Stay steadfast in the pursuit of the right course of action, despite challenges and
potential criticism. Restrain yourself, and curb unruly displays of anger. Try to act in a measured manner. Make
decisions based on understanding and thought, not on fear. Promote decency and dignity in communication.
Encourage your employees to respect and honor one another. Make sure they provide feedback in a respectful manner.
Concentrate on what the other person wants to convey. Refrain from formulating responses while the other person is
still speaking. Open yourself to others’ perceptions, and value truth. Discover the benefits of empathy. Pay attention to
people without constantly judging them.
All employees need to develop their internal strengths, understand and respond to people’s feelings, and seek to
understand other people’s context as well as what they say. “Humility can bring out the best in everyone and release
positive energy throughout an organization.”

About the Authors

Peter J. Dean, PhD, and Molly D. Shepard are joint partners in The Leaders Edge/Leaders By Design, an executive
development consultancy. Dean has taught at the Wharton School, among other universities. Shepard has more than
25 years of experience in executive development.

This document is restricted to the personal use of Hatem Ramadan (hatemfarouk1@gmail.com)

“All bullies generate a negative and toxic work environment.”

“Standing up to your bully is a personal challenge. If it goes well, you will

see the positive results right away.”

“When bullying occurs, the bully is acting out of his own self-interest.”

“Conflict instigated by a bully is more severe; it is an expression of efforts

to seize control.”

“The first and most logical person to discuss being bullied with is your boss.
But if your boss is the bully, this is not the most practical first step.”

“Confrontation is never easy, so knowing yourself and your readiness is

important, as is knowing whether confrontation is safe.”

Beliers…besmirch others behind their backs with false statements, rumors,

deceptions and innuendos.”

“Blockers bully directly by preventing any significant input from others.”

“Interject if the Braggart begins to grandstand, gently reminding him that

today the meeting is focused on gathering everyone’s ideas.”

“The Brute needs to understand that it is not just the content of her rants
but the way she is communicating that is the problem.”

“Brutes are especially difficult to deal with because of their potentially

explosive reaction to being confronted.”

“Bullying is not a cause for legal action in American civil courts currently,
but we anticipate that it is just a matter of time.”

“When you become an employee…you do not give up your human rights. You maintain
the freedom to address any behavior that is directed and destructive to you or
others.”