Writing & Reading in Science

Poorly Written Science Paragraph

Most of the rocks exposed at the surface of Earth are
sedimentary—formed from particles of older rocks that have
been broken apart by water or wind. The gravel, sand, and mud
settle to the bottom in rivers, lakes, and oceans. These
sedimentary particles may bury living and dead animals and
plants on the lake or sea bottom. With the passage of time and
the accumulation1 of more particles, and often with chemical
changes, the sediments at the bottom of the pile become rock.

Correction of Poorly Written Science

Paragraph
Most of the sedimentary rocks exposed at the surface of Earth
are formed from particles of older rocks, (gravel, sand, and mud)
that have been broken apart by water or wind. These older rock
particles which have settled to the bottom of a body of water
may bury once living creatures. During a long passage of time
the accumulation of these sedimentary particles undergo
chemical changes. After the all the chemical changes have
occurred, these really old sediments at the bottom of the pile will
have become rock.

The correct use of time clauses & stringing

together domain specific terms is critical in
science literature.

What should I expose my students to? 1

 Writing & Reading in Science
Why is this paragraph better?
1st Paragraph
Rocks (5 words) sedimentary
Particles of older rocks (explanation of older
rock particles occur 10 words away, and after
introducing a new idea of weathering)
in rivers, lakes, and oceans. These
sedimentary particles may bury living and
dead animals and plants on the lake or sea
bottom.
With (unconcise word choice)
accumulation1
more (reinforced quantity – quantities are not
on topic if you aren’t teaching math in this
lesson)
, and often with (at this point, telling them
something ‘often’ occurs can be confusing
because of the time-tense verbs as discussed
earlier. Also, it is a verb phrase. Consider
shortening this by using one word which is
time specific)
, the sediments at the bottom of the pile
become rock.
*****End of Portion Reviewed by: Megan Perkins, Secondary Ed. Chemistry****
What should I expose my students to?
Corrected Paragraph
Sedimentary rocks
Particles of older rocks (explanation: gravel,
sand, and mud) then introduced weathering
as a new idea
to the bottom of a body of water may bury
once living creatures. 22 words have become
13 words. Also, and is used 3 times in
contrast to being used not at all here. Always
avoid using ‘and’ or any other conjunctions
if it is not absolutely 100% needed.
During (the ‘passage of time’ needs a time
word. ‘During’ is a time-specific leading word
(future progressive tense is wrong). ‘With’ is
a non-time related word, and so the topic then
becomes confusing. I attached more
information at the end of this document.
Accumulation is a difficult vocabulary word
for this level of teaching/learning. Consider
making this word a vocabulary term for a
reading comprehension exercise.
these sedimentary (reinforced the topic)
Undergo (1 time descriptive word, not a
phrase; in early science learning it is
important to simplify learning by reducing
words to keep readings short & concise. If
there are too many noun & verb phrases, the
reader will lose interest because there is too
much to keep track of.)
. After the all the chemical changes have
occurred, these really old sediments at the
bottom of the pile will have become
sedimentary rock. (Reinforces previous
sentence & concludes in a way that points
back to the topic.)
2
 Writing & Reading in Science

Guide for Mixed Tense Exercises

Part 1: The Basics
Learning the basics of forming a verb tense is usually easy, and so is using that tense by itself. However,
when the tenses are mixed together in grammar or writing, there can be a lot of confusion.

Here are some tips to remember:

1. Look for the use of time words. A chart is given below.

2. Remember the purpose(s) of each tense.
3. Look at the context. There may not be any time words in the sentence, but the surrounding sentences will give
a clue as to what should come next.

Tense Time words Examples

Simple present Every day, month, week, year; always; George jogs three miles every day.
sometimes; never; frequently Mary always has salad for lunch.
I sometimes go to New York City.
Simple past Yesterday; # years, weeks, months, days, Tom went to Los Angeles yesterday.
hours ago; in (past year); last (month, week,
year) Charles Lindbergh flew to Paris in 1927.
Simple future Tomorrow; in (future year, month, week); on Mary will go to Hawaii in two weeks.
(future day); next (month, week, year, name
of day); # days, months, weeks, years from Ed will drive to Toronto next Saturday.
now; this month, week, afternoon, year;
someday George will paint his house six days from
now.
Present Now; right now; at this moment You are reading sentences about verb tenses
Progressive right now.
Many students are taking calculus this
semester.
Future At this time tomorrow At this time tomorrow, I will be cleaning
progressive my house.
Present Perfect For; since; yet; never; always; so far; # times; Sam has visited Hawaii many times.
many times; lately; recently; already Paul has been here for six hours.
Yoko has known Mary since 1994.
I have already written a letter to the
president.
Present perfect For; since; lately; recently Rita has been jogging for two hours.
progressive

Part 2: Time Clauses

Some verb tenses often work with time clauses.
Sentences with time clauses have two parts:

1. The clause with the time word

2. The main clause

Remember the following tips:

Ø The part with the time word is always dependent.

Ø Most time words work with more than one tense.
Ø In the present, past, and future perfect progressive tenses, for is not always necessary, but it is frequently used.
Ø *Before and after do not require the use of the past perfect, but it is possible.

What should I expose my students to? 3

 Writing & Reading in Science

Time Clause Patterns

Time word Time clause Main clause tense Examples

tense
While Past progressive Simple past (short action) While Anna was sleeping, a plane flew over her
house.
Past progressive (action at While George was frying fish, Rita was
same time) peeling potatoes.
Present Future progressive While Anna is working tomorrow, her sister will
progressive be paintingthe living room.
Before Simple present Simple future Before Karen leaves for work, she will roller-
skate around her house three times.
Simple past Simple past or past Before Karen left for work, she (had) roller-
perfect* skated around her house three times.
After Simple present Simple future After Karen takes her motorcycle to the
mechanic, he will take a look at it.
Simple past or Simple past After Karen took [had taken] her motorcycle to
past perfect* the mechanic, she drove to work in a rented car.
When Simple present Simple future When John finishes this semester, he will take a
trip to France.
Simple past Simple past When the sun rose, John got up.
Past progressive When the pizza arrived, John was checking his
e-mail.
Past perfect When John’s friend came to pick him up,
he had already checked his answering machine
for messages.
Past perfect progressive When John got home, his brother had been
surfing the web for five hours.
Until Simple present Simple future Until Mary finishes her scuba-diving course,
she won’t takethe advanced diving class.
Simple past Past perfect Until Mary lost $50,000 in Las Vegas,
she hadn’t realizedthat she had a gambling
problem.

As soon as Simple present Simple future As soon as I get home, I will take a nap.
Simple past Simple past As soon as I got home, I took a nap.
Whenever Simple present Simple present Whenever Sam goes to Canada, he
always visits Niagara Falls.
The first Simple past Simple past The first time that Ingrid visited New York,
time she went to the Empire State Building.

The last Simple past Simple past The last time that Nancy played hockey,
time she scored three goals.
The next Simple present Simple future The next time I buy new sneakers, I will
time walk around in them first.

By the time Simple present Future perfect By the time the plane arrives, we will have
completed the crossword puzzle.
Simple past Past perfect By the time John finished his essay, most of the
class had left.
Since (time) Simple past Present perfect Tom has been unhappy since his team lost the
championship.

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 Writing & Reading in Science

Part 3: Other Uses

Some time words may go with more than one tense. In this case, meaning and context become especially
important. The time given is relative to the present moment—it may be present, past, or future, depending on
when the event happened, is happening, or will happen.
The story below will demonstrate this. Present time is in bold type, like this. Future time is in italics,
like this. Past time is in normal type.

Theresa’s Day
Today is Saturday. Theresa had been sleeping for eight hours when the doorbell rang. She got up to
answer the door, but no one was there. The sound of the doorbell had also woken up Maria, Theresa’s
roommate. Because neither of them could go back to sleep, they decided to have breakfast. While Theresa was
making breakfast, Maria was taking a shower. While they were eating their breakfast, they heard a loud crash from
outside. They ran to the window and looked outside. Their friend, Tom, had been skateboarding, but he had lost
control of his skateboard and crashed into the garbage cans. Theresa and Maria ran outside to see how Tom
was. He had a few scrapes and bruises, and he was wearing a banana peel and broken eggshells on his
head. Theresa and Maria gave him some antiseptic and bandages. They wanted him to go to the nurse, but he said
he was all right.
After that, Theresa and Maria went back inside, finished their breakfast and watched a tape. Now it is
12:00, and Theresa is eating lunch. She is eating a salad. Lately, she has been trying to eat more leafy green
vegetables. Everyone tells her this will make her healthier, but it’s not easy for her because it’s hard to for her
to find leafy green vegetables that she likes. She will be doing many things this afternoon and evening. At 1:30,
she will go to the swimming pool and swim some laps. She practices swimming four times a week because she is
on the swim team. She has been on the swim team for two years. When she finishes swimming, she will take a
shower and get ready for her evening. First, she will eat dinner at a Chinese restaurant. Next, she plans to watch
Citizen Kane with Maria, Tom, and Ed, Tom’s brother. By the time the movie ends, they will have seen it sixteen
times. After the movie, they will go to a local dance club. By midnight, they will have been dancing for three
hours. At 3 a.m., Theresa and Maria will come home and go to sleep. Tomorrow will be less busy.

Theresa’s Day
Time Main and non-time clause(s) Time clause
12:00 a.m.-11:59 Today is Saturday.
p.m.
1 a.m-9 a.m. Theresa had been sleeping for eight hours.
9 a.m. (When) the doorbell rang.
9:01 a.m. Theresa got out of bed to answer the door, but there
was no one there.
9:15 a.m-9: 30 a.m. She was making breakfast (While) her roommate was taking
a shower.
9:31 a.m.-9: 45 a.m. (While) they were eating their
breakfast
9:45 a.m. They heard a loud crash from outside.
Before 9:45 a.m. Their friend, Tom, had been skateboarding
9:45 a.m. (But) he had lost control of his skateboard and
crashed into the garbage cans.
9:46:00 a.m. They ran to the window and looked outside.
9:46:30 a.m. Theresa and Maria ran outside to see how Tom was.
9:47 a.m. He had a few scrapes and bruises, and he was
wearing a banana peel and broken eggshells on his
head.
9:50 a.m. Theresa and Maria gave him some antiseptic and
bandages.
9:55 a.m. They wanted him to go to the nurse, but he said he
was all right.

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 Writing & Reading in Science

10:00-11:59 After that, Theresa and Maria went back inside,

finished their breakfast, and watched a tape.
12 p.m. Theresa is eating lunch.
She is eating a salad.
Before now and up Lately, she has been trying to eat more leafy
to the present green vegetables.
moment
General truth with a Everyone tells her this will make her healthier, but
future prediction it’s not easy for her because it’s hard for her to
find leafy green vegetables that she likes.
1 p.m. – 12 a.m. She will be doing many things this afternoon and
evening.
1:30 p.m. At 1:30, she will go to the swimming pool and swim
some laps.
Habit She practices swimming four times a week
because she is on the swim team.
Situation that began She has been on the swim team for two years.
in the past and
continues to the
present moment
3:00-4:30 p.m. She will take a shower and get ready for her evening (when) she finishes swimming
6:00 p.m. She will eat dinner at a Chinese restaurant.
7:00-8:30 She plans to watch Citizen Kane with Maria, Tom,
and Ed, Tom’s brother.
They will have seen the movie sixteen times (by the time) it ends.
9:00 They will go to a local dance club.
12 a.m. By midnight, they will have been dancing for three
hours.
3 a.m. Theresa and Maria will come home and go to sleep.
Tomorrow Tomorrow will be less busy.

Written by Dale Egan, ELRC tutor

What should I expose my students to? 6