6 REASONS WHY WE ARE

NOT FULFILLED
By Osama Natto

@OsamaNatto
 INTRODUCTION
The majority of people are searching for fulfilment
There is a saying that goes, “If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might
have been, you will ignore what is”. We believe that life is a journey, and the destination
varies from one person to another. There are no specific rules or strategies on how to
lead life. The only sure thing about life is that it is always preparing one for the next
step. Elementary school prepares one for junior high, which prepares one for high
school, which makes one fit for college, which sets one up for the “real world”.

Where People Find Fulfillment

Relationship with minor children 85

Relationship with spouse/partner 81

Relationship with adult children 74

Relationship with mother 56

Relationship with father 43

Relationship with friends 37

Things you do in your free time 31

Job or career 23

source: Pew Research Ceneter

Overall, people spend most of one’s lives in preparation (Hanson, 2009). Most often
they don’t realize that they dwell so much on preparation that they may be missing
the essential things in life. When they spend so much time planning, they miss
opportunities to relax, live stress-free and worry-free, be calm, and let the plan unfold.
Thus, it’s important to strike a balance between planning and living in the moment.

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 The truth is that nobody
has it all figured out and
those that say they do are
probably lying.
Even those newlywed neighbors who are moving to Hawaii or that co-worker who
has just bought a house or new car still have not figured it all out. This is because,
along the journey, unexpected things occur. For example, an illness, an expected
pregnancy or a redundancy.

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 Secondly, there is no
deadline for figuring it
all out.
People adopt deadlines to achieve more, but what they don’t know is that they
don’t have to own or understand everything to have a good life. Joy can come
from adventuring, exploring, and discovering. The issue is that people are bad at
predicting what will make them happy.

For example, people think that more certainty about the future will make them
happy, when uncertainty sometimes leads to more pleasure. For example, in the
case of leaving a film’s ending unknown.

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 ABOUT THE AUTHOR

My name is Osama Natto and I am very

happy for having you here and reading
this ebook. Let me share my story with
you.

A few years ago I was at the height

of my career. I was launching
successful entrepreneurial programs
in universities to help student
entrepreneurs launch businesses.
I was making a lot of money...
millions... I was being invited to speak
internationally...I was very highly
sought after and celebrated. However,
what people didn’t know is that this
was a very dark time in my life… I
wasn’t happy, I wasn’t fulfilled, and
money did not have a value. So, it was,
like, one day, I have US$50,000 in the
account, and the next day, I wouldn’t
even have enough to pay for a ticket for a flight I missed, and I would literally be crying
at the airport because my phone is disconnected, my credit cards are blocked, and I
can’t even take a Careem or Uber back. This is a true story.

It affected my health big time. It affected my relationship with my kids, and it also
affected my marriage, leading to an ended relationship. Watching my world collapse
around me, and trying to uncover the secret to happiness, I sought out the advice of
experts in all disciplines of health, wellness, and personal development. From great
authors to religious leaders, neuroscientists to yogi gurus each had their own unique
perspective to offer. In order to make sense of it all, I developed a visual tool to help
me organize the different inputs and map out connections.

From there Visoul was born. What started as a personal journey has become a company
mission to provide the best possible tools to help people reach their biggest goals and
desires.

In this ebook, I would like to share with you 6 main reasons why we’re not fulfilled and
happy. This is what I’ve personally learned throughout the years of internal conflicts
and struggles to find joys and self-fulfillment.

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So, why aren’t
we fulfilled?

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1. Your Personal Goals Are
Not Linked To Values.

Values are personal beliefs and attributes that motivate one to behave in specific ways.
They serve as a guide to human behavior, and individuals usually adopt them based on
the environment in which they were raised.

Some values include ambition, courage, and responsibility, which lead to behaviors
that are used as a means to an end. The benefits of following values can also be of
intrinsic worth, such as freedom, love, and truth. Goals are the ends toward which
efforts are focused. They may include setting on a path to establish what someone
loves doing or taking good care of oneself.

It is essential to have goals that are linked to values. Having goals that are not related
to values is like having two horses pulling in opposite directions. Likewise, the benefits
and rewards should also be aligned with goals.

If values are no longer aligned with goals, conflict ensues, which results in
discontentment.

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2. The majority of people are
unable to define their values.

An individual’s actions can be explained using their values. Assigning explanations to

actions intuitively makes sense to people. A logical basis for a course of action is called
a rationale. The concept of rationality supports social cohesion by making human
behavior predictable, yet people often respond differently than the values they hold
or claim to hold would suggest.

You see a runaway trolley moving toward five tied-up (or otherwise incapacitated)
people lying on the tracks. You are standing next to a lever that controls a switch. If
you pull the lever, the trolley will be redirected onto a side track and the five people on
the main track will be saved. However, there is a single person lying on the side track.

You have two options:

• Do nothing and allow the trolley to kill the five people on the main track.
• Pull the lever, diverting the trolley onto the side track where it will kill one person.

Which is the more ethical option?

Classical thinking has it that a majority will let the five people die rather than
pulling the lever because the thought of killing a person even to save a few people is
unimaginable.

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3. External influences affect personal
desires resulting in false goals

WANT NEED

Many people experience a conflict between wants and needs. Needs can be categorized
into necessary needs or less essential needs. When referring to needs, a great deal will
depend on financial knowledge or the concept of money. Necessary needs are required
to stay alive, such as food, shelter, clothing, and water.

In moments of great desperation, the choices about food and shelter will depend on
how accessibility to money. Fewer necessary needs are those that come out of another
obligation. For instance, employment may require reliable transportation, not referring
to public transportation, but a personal vehicle.

Distinguishing needs from wants requires truthful self-reflection. It is important to

reject short-term distractions. This requires considerable discipline.

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4. In addition, relationships have a
significant influence on motivations

People form relationships with peers, and this becomes a possible source of
environmental influence on personal goals. We are social creatures, peer pressure
exerts a form of influence, although it is usually not deliberate, since many people
observe and replicate what their peers do. For example, one’s college student’s GPA
influences their roommate’s GPA.

“Nature,” the predispositions at birth, combines with “nurture,” how friends, family,
and the environment influence a child’s development. Family and friends have the
most significant influence, since they are the primary socializing agents. For example,
when a small girl sees her mother cooking in the kitchen, she may come to value
cooking, and a goal later in her life may be to prepare home-cooked meals every day.

Comparing entering academic scores of roomates:

“These numbers imply that the peer effect is 27% as large as

the own effect.”

Your entering scores effect Your roommate’s entering

on your GPA scores effect on your GPA

Source: Sacerdote, B. (Dartmouth), 2001, Peer effects with random assignment: Results for Dartmouth
roommates. Quaterly Journal of Economics, 116(2), 681-704, p. 696.

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5. Hiding emotions often leads to
negative behavior

Many people have difficulty both explaining and expressing their emotions. People
who respond “I’m fine” even when it is evident that they are not are having trouble
either explaining or expressing their emotions. This is a problem because emotional
suppression can convey risk for earlier death, including death from cancer.

People who suppress their emotions may also suffer from angry outbursts and
irritation. Unfortunately, suppressing anger leads to heightened pain.

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6. Normative behavior often restricts
public expression of emotions

Some people find it very hard to express their emotions and feelings. Research reflects
the stereotype that men have the most challenging time expressing their emotions.

How would you rate your ability to handle stress?

(Before and after attending meditation classes)

80%

60%

Before
40% After

20%

0%
LOW MODERATE HIGH
Source: Meaningful Western Life Resources

Meditation is a powerful tool that can help individuals reduce anxiety, depression,
and pain, all from the privacy of one’s own mind. This is important because anxiety
can affect one’s emotional balance, leaving one susceptible to behavior that, if not
checked, can bring regrets later.

Therefore, many psychologists recommend that people embrace meditation during

anxious moments. During mindful meditation, people can see and feel emotions for
what they are, neither judging nor trying to change them, but watching them, staying
with them, and letting them be.

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Thanks for reading.

Knowing that someone out there is willing to become a better version of

himself makes me truly happy. It reminds me of myself, when I was trying to
uncover the secret to happiness through a constant seeking out the advice of
experts in all disciplines of health, wellness, and personal development.

Osama Natto
@OsamaNatto

© 2018, Visoul - All rights reserved

www.visoul.com

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