Firebringer

With music and lyrics by Meredith Stepien and

Mark Swiderski and book by Matt Lang, Nick
Lang, and Brian Holden (additional writing by
Meredith Stepien)
Property of Starkid Productions 2016-2019

No part of this show may be performed or reproduced without prior permission from Starkid
Productions.

1
ACT 1

SCENE ONE: OPENING

Song: Fire
*drum opening*
Ensemble: Dooo wat tata ta ta da, doo wat tata ta ta da
Do wat ta tata ta ta da
Do wat tata ta ta da
Do wat tata ta da da
Do wat ta ta dadada
Do wat tata ta dada, do wat tata dadada
Light that flame, get that
Light that flame, get that
Light that flame, get that
Light that flame, get that
Power
That power
That power
That power
Light that flame, get that
Light that flame, get that
Light that flame, get that
Light that flame, get that
FIRE
THAT FIRE

Molag: Wow! Did you see that? Everybody singin' and dancin’! Woah, that looked like fun! And what
about that bright orange stuff at the end of that stick? Now, we call that...
Fire...ooh fiyuuh Okay, now I know what you're thinking, you're going, "fire, so what? We got that!” Well
guess what, you privileged fucks. (beat) There was a time in history, when no one had seen this shit
before! And y'all, that's what this story's all about. How humanity discovered fire, and how it, for better
or worse, changed the world. Now short version, it was good for us: absolutely devastating for
everything else on Earth. But to tell the long version, we gotta take it back. WAAAY back. Back to a
time...when...

Song: We Are People Now

Ensemble: *singing* The leaves fall from the trees
Just as they will
The sky is blue
The clouds are white
The stars move across the sky
but in this time, we don't know why...
We've got to figure it out
We've got to find ourselves some answers
We are people now, we are people now

Molag: Yes. With the power of our minds, we humans were making all sorts of new discoveries.
For example: babies. Mmmmm, babies. They are deliciouuuuus. But you can't eat them, or else there
won't be any new people. Okay, these are things... that may seem obvious to you privileged fucks. But
we were flying by the seat of our (beat) uh-...uh, I don't even know what. And with all these new
thoughts popping up, not all of them fit together. And as the sun rises on this new day, Your ancestors
emerged from their caves engaged in the most profound intellectual disagreement humanity had seen
up to that point. And we called it: The Great Debate.

2
SCENE TWO: THE GREAT DEBATE/WORK

Chorn: Chorn.

Smelly-Balls: No.

Chorn: Chorn.

Smelly-Balls: NO!

Chorn: CHORN!

Smelly-Balls: NO!

Chorn: Chorn!

Ensemble: [all arguing]

Jemilla: Enough!

Everyone: *singing* Jemilla! Our leader Jemilla!

Jemilla: This great debate has gone on for far too long. It is time we put an end to it, once and for all.
Chorn, for many moons now you have said the word Chorn. Because...that's all you can say.

Chorn: Chorn.

Jemilla: Yes. Chorn. And you, however you have chosen to interpret the word Chorn, you've decided to
respond by saying: No.

Smelly-Balls: You're over simplifying my argument, but that's essentially what I'm saying, yeah!

Jemilla: Okay. okay. What if we tried looking at it from a different point of view? What if when Chorn
says Chorn, instead of saying no, you said yes?

*ding*

Smelly-Balls: I honestly had never thought of that before.

Jemilla: Okay, Alright. You wanna give it a try?

Smelly-Balls: Uh, uh- okay

Jemilla: Yeah?

Smelly-Balls: Yeah.

Jemilla: [turning towards chorn] Chorn, you got this.

Chorn: Chorn.

Smelly-Balls: [Smelly-Balls hesitates] (beat) yesss. (beat) Yes. Yes! YES! [Smelly-Balls hugs Chorn
aggressively]

Chorn: Chorn!

Jemilla: The great debate is finally over!

Everyone: YAAAAAYYY!

3
Emberly: Oh, you did it, Jemilla!

Keeri: Let's give it up for Jemilla, the one who knows things!

Schwoopsie: Jemilla- the Chorn whisperer!

Tiblyn: No! No! Jemilla the Peacemaker!

Everyone: *sighing* Peacemaker!

Smelly-Balls: Jemilla, I can honestly say there is not a drop of bad blood between Chorn and I. You're
well named; Peacemaker.

Jemilla: You are well named too, Smelly-Balls.

Smelly-Balls: Yes. [with triumph] My balls smell! All hail Jemilla!

[Everyone goes to pray towards Jemilla the Peacemaker]

Everyone: [with admiration while still bowing] Jemilla! Jemilla! Jemilla!

Jemilla: Stop, stop, stop worshipping me. Gone are the days of superstition and bowing before false
deities. (beat) All of that angers the all powerful duck we worship.

Ducker: [renters stage holding The Duck] HEEEE created the universe! And he is a jealous duck! Let us
pray!

Everyone: [robotically] We humble ourselves before the Duck.

Ducker: And offer it a clean and pleasing worship!

The Duck: Quack.

Ducker: The Duck is pleased! [takes The Duck offstage]

Jemilla: Oh, the Duck is pleased. Wonderful. Well, now that we have the Duck's blessing,
that means that we can get back to work. Right gang? Oh, we have a loooot of new discoveries that
need to be made, a lot of nuts and berries that need to be gathered.

Zazzalil: Uh, Jemilla? Jemilla. Um, we just worked yesterday. And the day before that, and the day
before that, maybe we could just... take a day off? Do some singing and dancing, [gestures towards
Keeri who is ‘dancing’ at the back of the stage] Keeri just invented dancing.

Keeri: It's dancing!

Jemilla: ohhhhh. That does look amazing Keeri, but I'm sorry. You know, there's just only so much light
in the day before the darkness comes. And then we have to get back to the cave, I'm sorry.
We've got work to do.

Everyone: *groaning*

Jemilla: There’s just not time for singing and dancing right now. We've got work to-

Song: We Got Work To Do

Everyone: *starts to dance*
Zazzalil: I don't really wanna do the work today,
I don't really wanna do the work today.
*in a whining voice* I don't really wanna do the work today.
I don't wanna do the work today.

4
Jemilla: [speaking] What? What's this?

Zazzalil: Uh-oh!
Everyone but Jemilla: I don't really wanna do the work today.
I don't really wanna do the work today,
I don't really wanna do the work today.
I don't wanna do the work today.

Jemilla: [speaking] How do you guys all know this dance?

Zazzalil: Just figured out how to move,

how to sing,
how to groove,
and now you're tellin' me,
I gotta work today!

Jemilla: [speaking] Keeri, did you choreograph this and teach everyone? Where was I?

Zazzalil: You know that feeling,

when you find the thing that blows your mind,
and next thing you know,
they wanna take it away!

Jemilla: [speaking] Okay, I am not trying to take anything away, I'm just telling you not to do something.

Everyone but Jemilla: Yeah, but you heard what Jemilla said.
I know, I know, I know
You gotta work to get ahead!
Our people have to grow
we've got to harness our pride,

Jemilla: [speaking] Thank you.

Everyone but Jemilla: and keep it up to survive.

Jemilla: Thank you.

*starts to sing*
Alright now listen, girls, let me reiterate.
I know it's hard to just work with no play.
I hope we all understand the importance of what we do,
and how this world is full of obstacles we've gotta work through.
We got so much to do already, you
and me have made discoveries,
that have helped our kind in so many ways.

Everyone: Ayy, Jemilla!

Jemilla: [speaking] Alright, seriously though, guys we don't have time for this.
We've gotta wrap it up right now!
*starts to sing again*
I hope you're feeling proud, we're breaking through the shroud
of mystery, and our history's growin' every day.

Emberly: [speaking] Aww, come on Jemilla, you know we're just messing with ya!
*singing* I've got the best job,
'cause I'm in charge of food.
I gotta eat everything to find out what tastes good, [tries to eat plant]
*spits*
DON'T EAT THAT!

5
NO ONE EAT THAT!

Smelly-Balls: When I'm not kicking ass,

I sit and stare at the grass,
and let the time pass,
to find out how it grows.

Everyone: And?

Smelly-Balls: I still don't know.

Everyone: Oh.

Smelly-Balls: I STILL DON'T KNOW!

Schwoopsie and Chorn: We've been watching our shadows every day,
we notice when the sky is cloudy, they go away.
We're trying to explain.

Ducker: *slides in* What could they be?

These dark spirits that follow us. [Schwoopsie and Chorn start staring at their shadows]
No matter how fast we run,
they are trying to SWALLOW US!
RUN!
RUN!
[panicked running around]

Jemilla: [moves in to comfort Ducker] Okay, okay.

Ducker: THE SPIRITS only the DUCK can SAVE US- *Jemilla hugs him comfortingly*

Jemilla: It's okay. It's okay.

Ducker: Oh, Sorry.

Jemilla: It's okay, okay.

Ducker: Thank you, Jemilla.

Jemilla: Yes.

Ducker: I love you.

Jemilla: [that was uncalled for] ookay. Alright, guys, we're gonna be fine. Listen,
*singing* So many wondrous things here for our kind,
a world of tools and knowledge left to find.
And I hope to bring you there.
Because you know how much I care.
So, we'll join each other, hand in hand,
and try to help ourselves to understand,
this world is what we make of it! *looks longingly at Zazzalil*
Together!
This is the dawn,
the dawn of our time.
We are mankind,
with the gift of a greater mind.
Everyone: This is the dawn,
the dawn of our time.
We are womankind,
with the gift of a stronger mind.

6
Jemilla: *sigh* Emberly?

Emberly: Mhm?

Jemilla: You know those bushes we were talking about?

Emberly: The ones with the great big thorns all over 'em?

Jemilla: Yeah. Could you go eat those?

Emberly: Oh. Definitely.

Jemilla: Let us know what you think, okay? [kisses emberly’s cheek] You're the best. (beat) Smelly-
Balls,

Smelly-Balls: Yeah?

Jemilla: C’mere. [Smelly-Balls walks over] Listen, if you're stumped on grass, why don't you move onto
something else, like, why don't you figure out where the sun goes at night?

Smelly-Balls: The sun?

Jemilla: Yeah.

Smelly-Balls: The sun is a man. (beat) A cowardly man. And I scare him away at the end of every day
by screaming at him like this: AAAAAAAUUUGHGGGHGH!

Jemilla: Ah, oh, okay. Good, good, good. Good job, Smelly.

Smelly-Balls: *glances upwards* AaaaUGH!

Jemilla: *hurrying him off stage* Oo-kay.

SCENE THREE: MOLAG HAS SOMETHING TO SAY...

Molag: [renters at side of stage] Yep, *sigh* old Jemilla was doing alright, but what she didn't know,
*smirks* was on this particular day, everything was about to change. And that's, where I come in!Ah ha
ha! Hey, Jemilla.

Jemilla: Oh, Grandmother Molag, the eldest and wisest of our tribe! Good journey?

Molag: Oh, good journey, my child. You know, never did I think I'd live to see the end of The Great
Debate.

Jemilla: *scoffs*

Molag: But here it is!

Jemilla: Whoo!

Molag: And it's all thanks to you, Peacemaker.

Jemilla: Awh.

Molag: Here, I thought we were headed for a good old-fashioned war! Ha ha. (beat) God, I miss those.

7
Jemilla: Here, let me help you down.

Molag: Yeah, let me get my feet wet.

Jemilla: Okay. Yeah, let's get your feet wet.

Molag: Don't let me slip like you did last time. oh oh woah woah WOAH WOAH WOAH! *slips
dramatically*

Jemilla: You slip on purpose. You're doing this on purpose!

Molag: (beat) I’m fine.

Jemilla: *sits down next to her* It’s not funny when you do that.

Molag: I think it's funny.

Jemilla: Okay. *sigh* You know, Molag, it wasn't all me. Peace really is something that we make
together.

Molag: Oh, don't be modest! Look at all we've accomplished since I handed rule onto you! I mean,
we've seen the rise of free thought, empathy...

Jemilla: Oh, but you were great too back in your day, Molag.

[both laugh awkwardly]

Jemilla: Oooh, yeah…

Molag: ‘Great.’ (beat) And terrible. Molag- the War Master! That's what they used to call me.

Jemilla: Yeah. We still tell tales of your reign to the little ones, just to scare the shit out of 'em.

Molag: Good. (beat) Those privileged fucks. And so, the War Master will live on in legend, as the
Peacemaker rules in her own right.

Jemilla: What do you mean, Molag?

Molag: *stares wistfully into the distance* Well, my time here is over, Jemilla. So I'm leaving.

Jemilla: [shocked] What?!

Molag: Mhm.

Jemilla: What will you do?

Molag: Oh, I'm gonna set off with one last task: venture out into the great unknown and find the end of
the Earth.

Jemilla: *gasping*

Molag: Mhm. I figured if I start right now and walk all day, I'll probably find it.

Jemilla: Wow! Do you really think that'll take all day?

Molag: Who knows? You know, it's not yet been scientifically proven *pauses in thought* how big the
duck pond we live on top of actually is. But (beat) I can't leave a good conscience before I clear up a
few things. Here, go ahead and hold my stick. [Jemilla takes Molag’s stick] I know you like that.

8
Jemilla: Yeah, I do.

Molag: You see, Jemilla, when I came into power, it was a much more chaotic time. To keep order, I
may have said a few things that, uh- weren't entirely true.

Jemilla: Like what?

Molag: Oh- okay. Umm… Well, you know that duck we worship?

Jemilla: How can I not? It created the heavens and the earth in 7 quacks. It made us all in forms that
are perfect, and also inherently sinful and filthy-

Molag: Right, right.

Jemilla: -And through its infinite love, it will… destroy us all if we don't obey. What are you getting at,
Molag?

Molag: Ehh... that's all bullshit.

Jemilla: *shock* WHAT?!

Molag: I made it up to scare people into doing what I wanted.

Jemilla: *sounding like a deflating balloon* WHAAAA

Molag: Okay, alright, alright, alright, come on. Think about it, Jemilla!
Isn't it a bit coincidental that the "All Powerful Creator of the Universe” just so happens to be living in a
watering hole closest to our cave?

Jemilla: Mmmmm, no! It picked our pond to honor our tribe above all others! I mean, it's like you always
said, Molag! We're the best! Fuck, that's our tribe motto. "WE'RE THE BEST!"

Molag: Oh, that's probably the biggest fib I told.

Jemilla: WHAT?!

Molag: Whoo! The world was not made with us in mind.

Jemilla: [looks appalled]

Molag: And we aren't preferred by any duck.

Jemilla: [still appalled]

Molag: Honestly, if I think about it, the ducks probably hate us most of all. 'Cause we keep capturing
‘em. I mean, surely you notice that the Holy Duck changes colour every week or two?

Jemilla: *sighs with discontent*

Molag: Oh, it's not magic.

Jemilla: *cries*

Molag: It's just the damn things keep dying or flyin' off on me. And I gotta go wrangle up another one.
It's a whole thing.

Jemilla: Oh, Molag, I feel like everything you have told me my entire life is a LIE! I mean, next, you're
going to tell me that Tiblyn isn't really holding up the sky!

Molag: *guilt* Ooh-kay, well- she's...

9
[Tiblyn walks across the back of the stage]

Jemilla: SHE'S NOT?!

Molag: umm...

Tiblyn: I'm sorry, I'm not doing what?

Molag: Oh! Oh! Um, nothing, dear! You keep up the good work! You're the best.

Jemilla: *slightly puking*

Tiblyn: I'm the best. *sighs* [walks off]

Jemilla: *robot seething noises* How can you keep lying to people when you know the truth?

Molag: Because, it's how I stayed in power.

Jemilla: *Panicked noises*

Molag: Okay, alright, I see you freaking out, I see you freaking out, okay...

Jemilla: *continues freaking out*

Molag: Don't you see, you are better than I ever was.

Molag: Jemilla, I have loved you from the moment (beat) I clobbered your mother to death and took you
as my own!

Jemilla: *not freaking out* awh, yeah...

Molag: I know that you're ready for this, and I know that the people are ready for you.

Jemilla: Awh, they're going to be so pissed… *crying* when I tell them about the duck. And the sky-
eeeeeeeee.

Molag: Mhm. That's another reason I'm getting the hell out of here.

Jemilla: eeeee *cries*

Molag: I don't wanna be around when the shit hits the- (beat) I don't even know what. Well, goodbye,
Jemilla!

Jemilla: Good journey, Molag.

Molag: Good journey. Remember all the lessons you've learned!

Jemilla: I will.

Molag: And don't feed Chorn after mid-

Jemilla: after midnight I KNOW!

Molag: Tell the truth! Believe in yourself! And remember, you're the best!

SCENE FOUR: “FUCK A DUCK”

Jemilla: Oh. *sigh* Fuck a duck. What am I gonna do?

10
[Zazzalil and Keeri enter energetically]

Zazzalil: Hey, Jemilla!

Keeri: Hey.

Zazzalil: Just, uh, heard you ask yourself what you're gonna do, and, well have I got an idea for you!

Keeri: And I just heard you say something about fucking a duck? I'm not judging. We've all thought
about it once or twice. [takes nut out of basket and begins to eat]

Jemilla: Okay, what are you two supposed to be doing?

Keeri: Uh, collecting nuts.

Zazzalil: Which we do all day, every day, and we're still starving!

Jemilla: Oh, Zazzalil, please, none of your ideas- Not now...

Zazzalil: Just hear me out, just hear me out. See, we spend our entire lives… scrounging around for
nuts and berries, like a bunch of squirrels! But let's face it: *suddenly serious* we cannot compete with
squirrels! They are smarter, faster and better at collecting nuts than we'll ever be.
So, maybe, we could try eating something else!

Jemilla: Okay, we are not going back to eating each others delicious babies. Mmmm, God, my mouth is
watering

[both going mmm and start thinking about delicious babies]

Zazzalil: No, no, no no no Not babies OR nuts [Jemilla looks shocked] See, we let those squirrel
bastards get fat off nuts, while we hang back watching and waiting And then,
Just when Mr. Squirrel thinks he's safe, And he's thinking to himself: *Draco voice* “I've had enough
nuts for today, better take the rest home to family”

Keeri: Uhh, don't give him a family.

Zazzalil: Okay. He’s saying uhm: *the voice of a certain blonde Malfoy* “I just got done murdering my
family”

Keeri: Ew, I hate him

Zazzalil: *in the voice of that one character who often rolls around on the floor and has a soft spot for a
certain Hermione Granger* “Yes! Time to celebrate their deaths with a nut!” Then, before he knows
what's happening we jump out and eat him! Although I... I haven't figured out yet how to make him dead
so we can eat him, but still pretty good idea, right? I mean, all the successful animals do it think about
Snarl. See, he's got this thing-

Jemilla: [cutting Zazzalil short] OH NO! We do not think about Snarl, we do not want to be like him… …
Gross… Zazzalil, gathering nuts is the easiest job, right? All you have to do is look for the nuts, Ooooh ,
we use our eyeballs right?

Zazzalil: yep

Jemilla:*oooh* Find a nut, pick it up... Oh, we use our fingers,

Zazzalil: I've done it so many times.

Jemilla: Ok, with fingers We put them in the bag! *uuuuuh*

11
Keeri: Umm... yeah, it's a little bit harder than that...

Jemilla: You put the bag in- the bag is full! Good job! Yum yum!

Keeri: It's- it's harder...

Jemilla: Okay. Coming up with these ideas takes time, and it takes nuts away from everyone, right?
*inhale, exhale* Just do your job. *moves in to kiss Zazzalil and then rethinks it last minute and kisses
her cheek* You're the best. I mean- ehhhhhhhh… [Jemilla is fed up of lying to Zazzalil but isn’t quite
ready to tell her about Molag and the Ducks:] Nevermind!

Zazzalil: What? *confusion*

[Jemilla exits]

SCENE FIVE: ZAZZALIL’S EPIPHANY

Zazzalil:*imitating Jemilla* "Just do your job!” *blows raspberry*

Keeri: She doesn't get it!

Song: What If?

Zazzalil: *singing* Every day is the same,
nothing's changed,
nothing lost, nothing gained,
is there more to life than this?
Gosh, I hope so,
I think that I know so,
I wish that I could show them.
What if there's more that we could be doing?
I don't wanna miss any opportunities
to grow!
But Jemilla will tell me no!
She says "play it safe" yet she talks about growth!
In my own opinion, you can't have 'em both!
Yes, there are risks, but I'm willing to take 'em!
Rules put in place but you bet that I'll break 'em!
What if Jemilla's just holding us back?
From all of the things our society lacks?
We're right on the edge and I'm ready to leap!
And trust that I'll fall before landing on my feet.
What if I did something new?
Something unexpected, unprotected!
Something's always within reach!
Just ignore the shit Jemilla preaches-
What if I did something more?
Than what my people bargained for?
I'll reinvent the human race,
and shove it in Jemilla's face!
What if?
What if?
What if?
*quiet sigh*

Zazzalil: *talking* You know, Jemilla says she's all about discovery, but, she won't even try my ideas!
Instead, she's got us figuring out all this useless shit! It's like, I don't care where the sun goes at night!

12
(beat) He’s an asshole! *gestures at sky* I have a dream, Keeri. Of a future where no one knows how
anything works! And nobody wants to! Because, in this future, everything is abundant. Food, leisure
time, you name it! And so, when someone says to you,
"Ay, yo! Fuck you! You don't know what you're talkin' about!"
You can just say,
"Haha, no. Fuck-a you! You don't know what you're talking about!"
And the beauty will be, that neither of you know what you're talking about! And until that happy day,
when we can be *mwah* so lazy, I will work as I hard as I possibly can to get us there, because that, my
friend, is the spirit of human ingenuity. I mean, progress doesn't come from the *imitating Jemilla*
"desire to understand” like Jemilla says. (beat) No. No, it comes from the need to be lazy. Yup. That's
my dream.

Keeri: [pretending to understand] Wow, that's some dream.

Zazzalil: Yeah, and I know I am onto something with this eating animals thing, I just have to figure out a
way to kill them.

Keeri: Well, maybe a little snack'll help you think! Here, come on over. *gestures to nut basket*
Come on. Now you know, as a Senior Tribe Nut Collector, I'm not really supposed to do this, but, hey, I'll
hook you up!
[both start laughing]

Zazzalil: Thanks! *lifts ‘nut’ out of basket* Oh, Keeri, these aren't nuts. These are just clumps of dirt.

Keeri: Bullshit.

Zazzalil: Yeah, and- oop! This is a live, living beetle!

Keeri: I just thought this was a little nut trying to crawl away from me! *giggles* He is cute, though.
*kisses beetle* I'm your mommy now.

Zazzalil: Keeri, have you ever even seen a nut?

Keeri: Well, if this basket is any indication, then maybe not.

Zazzalil: *finds huge stone* Oh, jeez, Keeri, What have you been feeding us?
This is an enormous, jagged rock. This will kill you.

Keeri: *gasps* Really?

*ding*

Zazzalil: This will kill you!

Keeri: Let's just say, hypothetically, somebody were to eat a bunch of those. How many do you think it'd
take to kill ‘em? Probably more than ten, right? [Zazzalil is lost in thought]

Zazzalil: *thrusting stone into Keeri’s side* Keeri, does this hurt?

Song: Welcome to the Stone Age

Ensemble: Mmm, ay
Welcome to the Stone Age.
Welcome to the Stone Age.
We are in a new age
Welcome to the Stone Age.
Ah!
Oo, oo, oo, oo...
Bada bum bada bum bada
*clapping*

13
SCENE SIX: THE JOKE

Chorn: Chorn!

Smelly-Balls: Haha, yes! I agree!

Ducker: *running onstage* It’s happening! It's happening!

Smelly-Balls: *that voice humans only use when talking to or about pets* What, a lion has befriended a
little baby piglet and now they're hanging out and—

Ducker: [interrupting Smelly-Balls] No, no, no! Schwoopsie! She's telling… The Joke!

Smelly-Balls: Bullshit! There's only one joke! And Schwoopsie already told it! I call you a liar, and a
coward, now be gone from this place! AAAAUUGGGHHHH-

Ducker: [interrupting Smelly-Balls again] No! She's telling it (beat) again!

Smelly-Balls: Oh, Hell yes.

Chorn: [chorn Chorn] Chorn!

Smelly-Balls: Chorn, you're right, we better get going! We don't wanna miss it!

[The three of them go off to arrive at the temporary comedy stage that Schwoopsie has set up just
outside the entrance to their cave]

Schwoopsie: So, uh, *mosquito* has this ever happened to anybody else?

Crowd: Woo!

Schwoopsie: So I was building a little hut the other day, you know, just a small little hut, as we do...
and I had these two logs, right? And a little stick to go between ‘em. So, I take this first log *mimeing
moving a log*, sittin' right over here. *struggling* Lift it up like this, Okay! There we go!
Make sure it's nice and steady! (beat) Beautiful! And turn back over here, take this log lyin' right here,
Lift it up! *struggling* Ooh-okay, this one's a little heavier, Okay, uh-huh and… Perfect! Then turn back
over here, take th- (beat) Now wait a second. Where'd that log go? Ohhhh… It's on the floor! [crowd
chuckles]
And I'm like… Schwoopsie!
*badum-tss*

[crowd laughs]

Smelly-Balls: Ah, YES I LOVE THAT JOKE!

Ducker: It's so funny!

Smelly-Balls: AH! TELL IT AGAIN! TELL THAT AGAIN! AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN!

Schwoopsie: You wanna hear that joke again?

[crowd agrees]

Smelly-Balls: YES WE DO!

Schwoopsie: Alright, so, um- has this ever happened to anybody else?

Crowd: WOO! YEAH!

14
Smelly-Balls: Schwoopsie, YEAH!

SCENE SEVEN: THE OUTSIDER

TIblyn: Oh hey, Chorn.

Chorn: Chorn.

Tiblyn: That joke's pretty funny, huh?

Chorn: Chorn.

Tiblyn: [desperately] Okay, well, it was nice talking to you!

Chorn: [Chorn…] CHORN!

Tiblyn: Emberly, I think I might be in love with Chorn, but, they act like I don't exist!

Emberly: Tiblyn, I'm not even really sure that Chorn is into humans, ya know? Chorn is sort of like
ummmm *thinking* sort of like a monster! [she put a leave in her mouth] *peh! eughk!* *spits*

Tiblyn: oh my Gosh how does it taste?

Emberly: Ugh- so gross! (beat) …we could eat that.

Tiblyn: mkay! *dreamily* And then there's Smelly-Balls and he's just such a great guy *sighs*

Emberly: Ugh, Tiblyn… Look, I know that you hold up the sky, -and I really appreciate that about you-
but, sometimes you've just gotta get your head out of the clouds and, stop thinking so much about
romance...

[Emberly reaches behind her to lean on a berry covered rock and her hand meets the hand of Grunt]

Grunt: *Nervously* Excuse me...

Tiblyn: *gasping* Oh he's an outsider! He's not from our tribe! *freaking out* Oh, oh, I'm gonna go get
help! *smugly* I'm gonna go get Chorn.

Grunt: *gesturing to berries* Are you gonna eat that?

Emberly: I was thinkin' about it!

Grunt: Well, I'm starving! I'll- KILL you for it!

Emberly: *taken aback* NO!

I'LL KILL YOU!

Grunt: *grunting*

Emberly: Come here!

Grunt: ah, oh, wait!

Emberly: UGH!

[Emberly smacks Grunt’s but really hard]

Grunt: *painful grunts* Ow

15
Emberly: Oh, oh I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry

Grunt: Oh, you smacked my butt Hard *still in pain*

Emberly: I-I was trying to kill you!

Grunt: Yeah, but my butt, it's stinging so bad right now It's only like a few leaves covering it lady
that's like nothing. Ow...

Emberly: ah, ohh.. M-maybe we shouldn't try to kill each other, you know? This is a pretty big thing…
let's just share it!

Grunt: okay

[they move towards the rock one step at a time]

*dadum*
*dadum*
*DAdum*
[they both take a handful of berries and put them in their mouths]

Emberly: Oh! *spits* Yuck! Spit that out it's poison!

Grunt *almost incoherent*: wha? oh no

Emberly: That's poison it'll kill you spit it out!

Grunt: ??

Emberly: Oh just-just uh, aaah open your mouth and let it fall out!

Grunt: bleghh

Emberly: *sighs*

Grunt: huh hweh How'd you know how to spit that out? That was pretty smart. I mean, I probably
would've just kept eating it until I died. You- You saved my life!

Emberly: Don't worry about it, it's sort of my job. See, I-I eat things and I tell if they're good, or if they're
poison. I'm Emberly

Grunt: Emb -emb, wha-what was it again?

Emberly: Emberly!

Grunt: Embly!

Emberly: ...that's fine Uh, wh-what was your name?

Grunt: Grunt.

Emerly: Grant?

Grunt: That's fine

Emberly: Well, um. I'm sorry I reacted the way I did, uh, we’re not supposed to be with people from
other tribes

Grunt: Oh, well, I don't have another tribe, it's just me.

Emberly: Just you? Just you, how could that be?

16
Grunt: Well, I- I had a tribe but, they kicked me out
Emberly: Why?

Grunt: Ah, well you know how sometimes there'll be a pack of coyotes that are feasting on a rabbit,
and there's always one, small, runt of a coyote that's being kept from the meal?

Emberly: yes?

Grunt: (beat) I’m like the rabbit

Emberly: oh.

Grunt: S-so in your tribe do you just walk around and, eat everything?

Emberly: Oh, well that's what I do, it’s- sort of my specialty. Uh, see; Here’s where I gather all of the
foods that we like, and, um, you know, actually check this out! see, I started combining different foods,
to try and create new tastes. [rummages around in basket] Laa-like this! [finds two leaves] I-it looks like
two big leaves, stacked up on top of each other, but, inside… [shows Grunt the inside of the two leaves]

Grunt: ooh

Emberly: ...it's a bunch of squished up berries! And a light sprinkling of salt *wipes leaves on armpit* Go
ahead, try it!

Grunt: Mmm! Mmm that's pretty good!

Emberly: Yeah! Ah, see I-I I can tell if things are good or not, even from just, one little taste!

Song: Just A Taste

Emberly: *singing* Ain't it crazy?
how something that looks so weird to me
could be so sweet?

Grunt: *singing* Ain't it crazy,

how something that looks so savoury
is bad for me?

Emberly: Ain't it crazy

how something that once was scaring me,
could put me at ease
and help me see,
it's not the outside of things that make them good,
that make them bad,
that make them anything.

Grunt: All you need is just,

Both: Just a taste to start something good

Just a taste to know if I should
Just a taste is all I need
All that's good starts with just,
one taste!

Grunt: Ain't it crazy,

to finally feel I'm where I am supposed to be

Emberly: Is it crazy,
how something I thought I'd never find

17
just came to me

Both: Are we crazy,

or did we just taste something sweet,
not sure what to think
but you help me see
it's not the outside of things
that make them good,
that make them bad,
that make them anything.

Both: All you need is just,

Just a taste to start something good
Just a taste to know if I should
just a taste is all I need,
All that's good starts with just,
one taste!
A taste,

Grunt: for me Emberly: Is all

Both: Is all I need
Emberly: Just- Both -a taste
Grunt: for me Emberly: to help
Both: to help me see
Emberly: Just aaaaaaa Grunt: a taste for you,
Emberly: aaaaaaaa Grunt: a taste for me,
Emberly: oooooOOOOOOoooOO
Emberly: just,

Both: Just a taste

to start something good
all that's good starts with,
just,
one taste!

Jemilla: [enters from side of stage with the tribe (minus Zazzalil, Keeri and Ducker) following behind.
She is holding hands with her confused wife; Schwoopsie] *gasp* Emberly! Don't worry, we'll get that
outsider away from you

Emberly: Grant! Run!

Tribe: *Yelling and growling*

Jemilla: And never come back!

Emberly: Oh, Jemilla! Jemilla! How could you? Grant is all alone in the world; he could die out there.

Jemilla: [completely misunderstanding poor Emberly] Oo! I hope so too, Emberly. One less outsider
means more food for us!

Tribe: *sounds of agreement*

SCENE EIGHT: THE DUCK AND THE SKY

Jemilla: Alright everyone! Gather ‘round. Sooo, Earlier today, some um… very important truths were
revealed to me *nervous laugh* *sigh* So, turns out our tribe has been living under some

18
false pretences which have caused some of its members to uh… *nervous laugh* Oo... how do I put
this lightly? Um...waste their ENTIRE lives.

Tiblyn: Wow. (beat) HUGE slam on Emberly outta nowhere, holy shit.

Jemilla: Um, actually, Emberly does a job that is actually very, very important to our tribe. *nervous
laugh* But once we clear a few things up we can all stop performing meaningless tasks, and focus on
real, human progress.

Ducker: *entering onto the stage with the almighty duck* Progress pleases the duck.

Jemilla: Yes. Thank you, Ducker.

Ducker: *mumbling yes*

Jemilla: I'm glad you brought up the duck.

Ducker: Aha! Yeees.

Jemilla: Soo, you know how it… created the universe-

Ducker *mumbling*: IT created the univerrrrrse

Jemilla: And how it watches over all of our immortal souls-

Ducker *still mumbling*: EEEACH and every one of our immortal *song-like* soooooul

Song: Duck Is Lord

Ducker: *singing* He is looord

Jemilla: *spoken* Oh, uh, Ducker...

Ducker: Duck is looord

He is lord, lord, lord
The duck is looord

Jemilla: *spoken* THANK YOU, Ducker-

Everyone *singing*: He is looord

Duck is looord
He is lord, lord, lord
The duck is looord

Jemilla: *spoken* Okay!

Everyone: He is looor-

Jemilla: *spoken* All of that is a lie! Molag made it up!

Ducker: What the fuck.

Schwoopsie: wai' wai' wai' wai' wai' wai' wai' wait. The duck… isn't...a god?

Jemilla: *sigh* No, he's not.

Schwoopsie: But eh... if the… if the duck…isn't... a god then wh...wha...

why does...Ducker get to sleep in the one dry spot in the cave?!

19
Everyone: Yeah!

Jemilla: *gently kisses Schwoopsie who shoves Jemilla off* Good point babe. Well, uh, now that we
don't have to believe in an all powerful duck, and we don't need a Supreme Egghead Wizard to
interpret its quacks, we can all take turns sleeping in the dry spot in the cave! Ducker, you can sleep in
a puddle like the rest of us.

Ducker: WAIT! No! wai- waaait… Now...now, now, now… It...has...not yet been proven that the duck is
not a god. In fact, all of this sounds like BLASphemy to me, AND the duck. In fact, the duck is saying
right now- *gasp* "Damn you, Jemilla, to hell”? *sympathetic voice* Ohh no, Jemillaaa…nooo... no.

Jemilla: [she ignores Ducker] *sigh* Molag also lied, about Tiblyn holding up the sky.

Everyone: *Gasps*

Tiblyn: What are you talking about? I've been holding up the sky for
27 years! I never get any sleep, and I'm always stressed out all the time, and I never hear a word's
thanks from anyone!

Jemilla: Well first of all, thank you, Tiblyn!

Everyone: *thanking Tiblyn*

Tiblyn: My arms really hurt.

Jemilla: We really appreciate it. It's time to put your arms down now.

Tiblyn: No. I'm not gonna do that. *dramatically* Because then the sky will fall and crush all of our
friends, and I'm not gonna have that on my conscience.

Jemilla: Okay. If I put Tiblyn's arms down and nothing happens that'll prove that I'm right. Right?

Ducker: Jemilla! If you put Tiblyn's arms down and the sky doesn't fall, I'll be the FIRST to renounce my
faith in the duck. But, Jemilla, *aggressively* you don't have the guts.

Jemilla: Okay. C'mere!

Tiblyn: No!

Everyone: *muttering*

Tiblyn: Alright, fine! If I can't have Chorn, then no one will. AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Everyone: *Realisation sounds*

Schwoopsie: Well...we're alive.

Tiblyn: So… I'm not special?

Jemilla: Oh…Tiblyn... (beat) No. BUT nobody is! *laughs* [she turns to fave ducker] Ducker! You can
take off that Supreme Egghead Wizard hat now.

Ducker: Jemillaaaa, this is a symbol of my privilege.

Jemilla: Yeah.

Ducker: N-yeah.

Jemilla: But that's gone now. Take it off.

20
Ducker: *Soft hesitant sounds*

Jemilla: Good. Good. Now take the duck out of it.

Ducker: *sound of protest* Awh! hawh! Aww… *sigh* Jemilla, we should at least let the duck choose if it
stays or- [the duck flies off out of the hat and into the sunset] oh there it goes. Oh.

Everyone: *Sighing and gasping*

Jemilla: Yup. That is one happy duck. *sigh* Well now that we have all that cleared up
we can get back to work! Right gang?!

Schwoopsie: I-I don't know, Jemilla. I mean, wh-what's the point of hard work if we're not doing it to
please a duck?

Jemilla: Ohh, come on! Hard work is its own reward, right guys?

SCENE NINE: THE BEST ELEPHANT

Zazzalil: [entering the stage carrying her new spear] Hey, Jemilla.

Jemilla: Yes?

[Loud thud as Zazzalil hits Jemilla in the back of the leg with her spear]

Jemilla: Ooh! Fuck my fuckin' leg! Ohhh fuck!

Zazzalil: *sigh* Behold! I have inflicted great pain upon Jemilla. Greater than any I could cause with my
bare hands. My secret? (beat) The Spear.

Everyone: Ooo-ing

Zazzalil: It's going to change life as we know it. May I draw your attention to the end of the stick
where I have attached a sharp stone. It is my “hypothesis" that if I thrust the pointed end of this stick
into a creature it will pierce their flesh, guts, eyeballs, brains… anything, really.
Observe! A demonstration. [Keeri stands directly in front of Zazzalil and her spear] Keeri?

Keeri: I'm ready.

Jemilla: Wait. What?- No no no! [she grabs the spear from Zazzalil] *Loud exasperation*

Crowd: Heeey!

Zazzalil: Um, I was just about to show how it worked.

Crowd: Yeah!

Jemilla: Keeri.

Keeri: Whaaat?

Jemilla: What? Are you fucking nuts?

Keeri: Noo.

Jemilla: Do you have any idea what this would do to you?

21
Keeri: *sighs heavily* Nooo! That's what we were going to find out before we were so rudely interrupted.
Zazzalil, shall we continue?

Zazzalil: Yes.

Jemilla: Wait? What?! Would you give me that?! *Very loud exasperation* Keeri, this will hurt you
REALLY bad. IT. IS. DANGEROUS.

Zazzalil and Keeri: *laughing*

Zazzalil:*laughing* It is not dangerous. *Serious tone* It's a weapon, for hunting! My new and improved
method of food collection

Crowd: *Applauding*

Jemilla: Oh no, not this again.

Zazzalil: No no no! It'll work this time. I'll prove it to you. You see that big dumb mammoth over there?

Jemilla: You mean Trunkell?

Ducker: She is the spirit of the river! I know this because I saw her standing by a river once.

Crowd: *Oh’s and no's coming*

Zazzalil: That's no spirit. [she aims the spear at the mammoth] That’s the mammoth that killed my
father.

Keeri: Ew, I hate him.

Zazzalil: We always knew this day would come didn't we, Trunkell? The day that I threw my spear
directly through your heart.

Jemilla: Zazzalil, you are making a big mistake.

Zazzalil: Oh yeah? Does this look like a mistake? *throws spear pathetically* Damn it.

Keeri: Um, why didn't your spear work?

Jemilla: Because she missed, Keeri.

Schwoopsie: Ehhh I knew that spear was too good to be true. Booo~

Crowd: *booing*

Zazzalil: I'm sure if I practised a little-

Jemilla: Uh...you're not gonna be practising anything if you're dead!

Trunkell: *Loud elephant trumpet*

Jemilla: RUN! RUN!

Everyone: *screaming*

Jemilla: Quick! Up the tree! Up the tree!

[the whole tribe climbs up the ‘tree’]

Trunkell: I can't believe this shit! Throwin' things at ME!

22
Jemilla: *sighs*

Trunkell: Ah-ah.

Jemilla: Okay. If we're real quiet, and we wait long enough, she'll get bored, and then she'll go away.
*Sighs*

Emberly: Is she gone yet?

Jemilla: Looks like it.

Trunkell: AH-AH-AHHH! *Yelling*

Trunkell: AH-AH-ahhh! Ah-ahh. An elephant NEVER forgets.

Jemilla: Hoo, that is one smart elephant.

Emberly: And sassy.

Keeri: She's a great elephant.

[lights are used to show that time is passing and it is now getting dark]

Jemilla: Okay. Everyone, quick! Back to the cave. Come on, come on, come on.

Emberly: W-what if the mammoth is still there?

Jemilla: She's not. Trunkell's not stupid. She knows what comes out at night. *reaches out to stop
Zazzalil* Deeegh! But not you, apparently. Apparently, you ARE stupid. THIS little thing almost got us
killed!

[Jemilla reaches out and touches the end of the spear]

Jemilla: Ouchiiie

Zazzalil: Why did you touch it?

Jemilla: I was curious. And you did a really good job.

Zazzalil: Thanks!

Jemilla: But guess what? It's banned.

Zazzalil: What?

Jemilla: That's right. I forbid the spear FOREVER. AND I forbid any more of your bad ideas. They're
banned too! *touches the end of the spear again* Ouuuuch

Zazzalil: Why did you touch it again?

Jemilla: I FORGOT!

Zazzalil: I'm...I'm sorry. I just wanted to make life better.

Crowd: *Ooo-ing*

Zazzalil: Okay, shut up.

23
SCENE TEN: THE NIGHT BELONGS TO HIM

Molag: Oooooooooo Hey everybody. Remember me? Now I know what you're thinkin'.
You're thinkin’: "Daaaayum, J-Mils, that was cold! Don't be mean to [insert name of person playing
Zazzalil]!” But before you go judgin’ you gotta understand how dangerous the night is for us. I mean,
first off it is fuckin' dark. You could trip, AND hurt yourself. And it gets even worse than that if you can
believe it. When the sun sets, and the moon rises, HE comes out to hunt. "Snarl. The Great Devourer.”
He's a big, fuckin', dinosaur! AAAHHH! Rooooaaaaaaar! (beat) Nah, I’m bullshittin' you! He's not a
dinosaur. All the dinosaurs are dead! (beat) Except one. (beat) And he's my friend! (beat) No, I'm
bullshittin' you again, guys. I'm sorry. You can't trust me today. I'm feelin' way too silly! But anyways,
Snarl is fuckin' scary. He's so fuckin' scary, we wrote a whole fuckin’ song all a-fuckin'-bout it.

Song: The Night Belongs to Snarl

Smelly-Balls: *singing* When darkness comes
and steals the light,
we're left with no other choice
but to take cover in our cave,
for the night belongs to him.

Schwoopsie: To go out at night

would be a mistake.
You'd surely meet your demise.
We are safe, for now.
But the night belongs to him

Ducker: At night!

Ensemble: He comes!

Ducker: He sees!

Ensemble: He knows!

Ducker: What the rest of us don't!

Ensemble: Look out!

Ducker: Oh no!

Ensemble: Oh no!

Ducker: What's that?

Ensemble: He's here!

Ducker: I don't think we're alone!

Tiblyn: We face each day

but we run from the night.
Every sound that we hear leaves us startled
Because we know the night belongs
*whispers* to Snarl

Ducker and Smelly-Balls: The terrible beast

with enormous claws
whose only need is to feed.
Don't get in his way;
he'll be the last thing that you'll see

24
Tiblyn and Schwoopsie: Certain death
awaits in the dark.
Beware. Take care. Retreat.
Stay in the cave
and pray away from your sleep.

Ensemble: At night!

Keeri: He comes!

Ensemble: He sees!

Keeri: He knows!

Ensemble: What the rest of us don't!

Keeri: Look out!

Ensemble: Oh no!

Keeri: Oh no!

Ensemble: What's that?

Keeri: He's here!

Ensemble: I don't think we're alone!

We face each day
but we run from the night.
Every sound that we hear leaves us startled.

Tiblyn: Because we know the night belongs

to Snarl.

Smelly-Balls: Back into

our cold, wet cave,
dark and grim.
Suffer through
'cause the night
belongs to him.

SCENE ELEVEN: IN THE CAVE

Tiblyn: *speaking* And that was Smelly-Balls performing "The Night Belongs to Snarl” A song that he
wrote about that which we fear above all things. Thank you, Smelly-Balls.

Smelly-Balls: Thank YOU. I was inspired by our many—

Tiblyn: [interrupting him] Thank you, Smelly-Balls.

Smelly-Balls: Mm. Yep.

Tiblyn: And next up, on the cave floor performing "The. Joke.” Please welcome, the inventor of comedy,
Schwoopsie!

Crowd: *cheering*

Jemilla: Wooooh!

25
Emberly: Yeah, Schwoops!

Schwoopsie: Yeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeahyeah. How's everybody doin' tonight? *Crowd

mumbles* You cold?

Smelly-Balls: Yeah.

Schwoopsie: Yeah. Yeah yeah. I-I-It's cold in the cave, huh? Yeah. YYYYY-YOU feelin' shitty?

Emberly: Yeah.

Schwoopsie: Yeah, you're feelin' shitty. Oh yeahyeahyeah me too, me too YYYYY-yyyy-you know
yyyyyyy-ya found out your duck god was a lie, and yyy-you almost got run over by a mammoth.

Crowd: *agreeing*

Schwoopsie: So uh...has this ever happened to anybody else?!

Crowd: *cheering*

[Lights down on variety show and lights up on Keeri and Zazzalil on the other side of the stage]

Keeri: Hey. Hey, Zazzalil. You doin' okay? *Long sigh* I was worried you might feel pretty stupid
because you know you looked pretty stupid. To put yourself out there like that in front of everybody with
your brand new invention and be like “look!" And then to have it FAIL soooo miserably and be like
“noooo!” *sighs* [Zazzalil is ignoring her with her head on the ground in front of her. Zazzalil is sad]

Zazzalil: *sounds of sobbing*

Keeri: Heyyy. Hey it's okay! (beat) You know I was just thinking that we should just, like, quit inventing
stuff altogether, ya know? It's not so bad letting other people think for you. I've been doing it my whole
life. It's awesome. *thinks* Hey, I got an idea. We could find someone to blindly follow together. It would
be SO fun! Oo! I know! We could follow Jemilla! She's smarter than us and-

Zazzalil: Jemilla is not smarter than me. And I'm not gonna let her run my life for one more second.

[Zazzalil collects the spear from the wings]

Keeri: Um, Zazz? Uhhhh Jemilla banned that thing forever.

Zazzalil: Keeri, I can't go on knowing that I missed out on something this big. I can't do that to future
generations! *Laughing* No, sorry, no. FUCK future generations. "I" can't spend one more night in a wet
cave, in a stank. Ass. Pile. Of stinky. Ass. People. *Kisses Keeri angrily* That mammoth's out there,
Keeri. And I'm gonna kill it.

[Zazzalil runs out into the storm]

Keeri: Wait!

*THUNDER*

Keeri: Ohhh no no noo!

[lights up on variety show as Keeri runs in and Schwoopsie finishes off the joke]

Schwoopsie: ...I'm not gonna lie. I was seriously, like, (beat) a-schwoopsie!

*Badum-tss*

26
Crowd: *Awkward mumbles*

Schwoopsie: Alright. *Clears throat* That was the funny part of the joke, in case you wanted to laugh.
(beat) ahh-schwoooopsie!

Jemilla: *sympathy laugh and applause*

Smelly-Balls: Uhh, I don't mean to be rude 'cause I know you're putting yourself out there, but, that
was... not... funny.

Ducker: Humor was a gift from the Duck. Everything that he said was funny. His voice sounded like
faaaarts. *Sobbing*

Tiblyn: You know, maybe, maybe the joke was never funny. I mean, maybe we were just told it was
funny. And maybe Schwoopsie's just been holding this joke up over her head for like, 27 years because
no one thought to tell her the truth. [Tiblyn raises her hands to the sky and Emberly pulls them back
down again]

Smelly-Balls: Yeah, I mean it's like, DO MY BALLS EVEN SMELL?

Everyone: Yes. Yes.

Jemilla: Okay. Okay! Come on guys! Come ooon! [Schwoopsie ignores her] Heyyy. The joke is still
kinda funny. Schwoopsie? Babe? Listen I know a lot has changed. But we don't have to question
"everything".

Keeri: Jemilla, I have a question.

Jemilla: What?

Keeri: Um, earlier today, you banned a couple of things forever. And I was just wondering, how long is
forever?

Jemilla: It's...unending.

Keeri: Okay.

Jemilla: Always has been and always will be.

Keeri: Uuuum, so forever's still going on now then? Are you sure that forever didn't end, like, a couple
minutes ago?

Jemilla: Yeah, I'm pretty...

Keeri: Okay!

Jemilla: ...damn...sure, Keeri.

Keeri: *under her breath* Cool. Okay. Forever.

Jemilla: Is this about Zazzalil?

Keeri: Uhhhhh...

Jemilla: WHAT did she do THIS time?

Keeri: Well...Jemilla, it's not-

Jemilla: Keeri?!

27
Where is Zazzalil?!

*THUNDER*

Everyone: *yelling in fear*

Jemilla: WHAT?! She went out?! At night?!

During a storm?!

Keeri: Maybe- *THUNDER and yelling*

Emberly: But if Zazzalil's out there, the storm could kill her!

Ducker: Forget about the storm! Snarl's out there! It's too late for Zazzalil- fuck her.

*More THUNDER and yelling*

Jemilla: Okay, okay.

Everyone! Calm down. Alright. All creatures fear the storm. Maybe that includes Snarl. *Nervous giggle*
GOD DAMN IT, ZAZZALIL! Okay. I have to go get her. *Exhales harshly* I can't promise that you'll
make it back alive, but will somebody please help me? *Desperate sobs*

Keeri: Jemilla, I'm just a crony. And in Zazalil's absence, I'm your crony. So I'll follow you wherever.

Emberly: I will too!

Schwoopsie: Yeah I'll go. I've got nothin' else to live for so might as well.

Jemilla: Okay! Thank you so much! Anybody else coming?

Smelly-Balls: I will.

Jemilla: Yeah! Smelly-Balls! Thank you. That is so brave of you.

Smelly-Balls: Hell yeah!

Jemilla: Alright, who will watch over the rest of the tribe while we're gone?

Smelly-Balls: I will.

Jemilla: Smelly-Balls. You can't do both.

Smelly-Balls: Haha! It would be an honor! To do both.

Jemilla: Okay. This isn't about your honor-

Smelly-Balls: Jemillaaa! We're a FAMily!

Jemilla: Alright, you know what? Fuck it. We're all going! Come on guys!

Smelly-Balls: LET'S GO.

SCENE TWELVE: THE STORM AND SNARL

Song: Into The Night

*Instrumentals*

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Zazzalil: *Singing* Into the black
Into the unknown
No turning back
Onward, now all alone
Into the night
Nothing is out here
Not even light
Nothing to fear
I am not afraid
I'm not afraid of this
I'm not afraid of anything anymore
Not even you, you stupid fucking storm!
No one else has left the cave before
no one's ever been so fucking brave before
there is nothing unknown that I will not explore!
Come on, storm
Give me more
I'm not afraid of you
I'm into the black
Into the night and there's no turning back
What if?
What if?
What if tonight is the night
that I prove that I'm right?
Backing 1: Into the night. Into the unknown.
Into the night. Into the unknown.
1: Into the night.
Backing 2: We got work. To do.
1: Into the unknown.
2: Work to do.
1: Into the night. Into the unknown.
2: We got work to do. Work to do.
1:Into the night. Into the unknown.
2: We got work to do. Work to do.
Backing 3: Welcome to the Stone Age.
1: Into the night. Into the unknown.
2: We got work to do. Work to do.
3. Welcome to the Stone Age.
1: Into the night. Into the unknown.
2: We got work to do. Work to do.
3. Welcome to the Stone Age.
1: Into the night. Into the unknown.
2: We got work to do. Work to do.
3. Welcome to the Stone Age.
1: Into the night. Into the unknown.
2: We got work to do. Work to do.
3. Welcome to the Stone Age.

*Loud THUNDER*

1: Into the night. Into the unknown.

2: We got work to do. Work to do.
3. Welcome to the Stone Age.
*Instrumentals*

Molag: *speaking* Zazzalil trudged deeper and deeper into the storm in search of a mammoth's den.
Then there! A cave opening. Inside, a huge, snoring somethin’. *speaking to Zazzalil* Is it a mammoth?
[Zazzalil shrugs] Alright, Zazzy. Get your spear up!

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Zazzalil: Oh Great Duck! Bless this spear! Let it fly as true as you!

Molag: See, Zazz wasn't there when they found out that the duck stuff wasn't true. So that's what's
about to make what happens next to Zazz seem crazy as fuck. Just as Zazzalil raised her spear…
thunder crashed! *THUNDER* Lightning flashed! *Grumbling thunder* And touched the ends of
Zazzalil's spear.

Song: Fire (reprise)

Ensemble: Light that flame
Light that flame
Light that flame
Light that flame
Light that flame
Light that flame
Light that flame
Light that flame. Get that power!

Zazzalil: SHIT!

Molag: Now that was real abstract. But I think you get the idea. And if you're thinkin' to yourselves,
"Molag, you don't know what you're talkin' about. Lightning doesn't work like that!” Then fuck you. You
don't know what you're talking about. We were there are we saw the WHOLE thing.

Zazzalil: *touches fire* Ow.

Molag: Don't touch it, dumbass. It burns. Just start at it in wonder.

Zazzalil: *touches flames again* *it’s hot* Ow.

Molag: Didn't I just say "don't touch it”? I'm sorry. You have to excuse us. We humans were slow
learners.

Zazzalil: *Tries to lick fire*

Molag: Wha-the fuck you tr-ah! Don't try ta eat it! It's not an ice-cream cone! It's the opposite. Think.
Ice-cream cones are cold, and delicious. This is hot, and will kill you.

Zazzalil: This will kill you...

Jemilla: [she runs onto the stage] *GASP* Zazzalil! There you are! Oh I cannot believe you would do
something this reckless! YOU come back to the cave right-

Everyone: *All gasp*

Together: What. Is. That. Shit?

*Growling*

Molag: Oh, see, what the tribe didn't know was that Zazzalil had fucked up. She didn't track down the
mammoth's den. Turns out that mammoth moved out a week ago, and somethin' else moved in.

Snarl: *growling*

Tribe: *yelling*

Everyone: It's Snarl! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

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Ducker: Everybody scatter! He can't catch all of us!

Jemilla: Wait no! Stick together! He can't eat all of us!

Snarl: *growls*

Tribe: *screams*-

*Offstage voice singing*: Time is frozen now

Zazzalil: *speaking* Oh, okay! Alright! Okay I gotta do something quick or they're all gonna blame me
when they're dead.

Molag: Yeah, come on, girl! You got a hot glowy thing there. What are you gonna do with it?

Zazzalil: *reaches out to touch it* Ow.

Molag: Don't touch it. Come on. You were the girl who came up with the idea to use a tool to hurt a big
animal.

Zazzalil: Got it!

Molag: Wait. No, wa-where are you goin'?

Zazzalil: To make another spear!

Molag: No! No. Forget the spear! Okay? You're gettin' colder. Come on. Alright warmer. Warmer.
Alright? Hot! *points towards fire*

Zazzalil: Hot… Hot! HOT! GET BAAACK! *runs at Snarl like a barbarian* RAAAHHH!

Tiblyn: Look!

Emberly: Snarl's afraid of the bright, orange stuff!

Zazzalil: THAT'S RIGHT! I SAID GET BACK! HAAA! HAAAA! RAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Keeri: She did it!

Schwoopsie: Wow, Zazzalil defeated Snarl with her- I don't even know what.

Zazzalil: Yeah. I did defeat Snarl, didn't I? BEHOLD! My latest invention, *lifts fire aloft* uh…*muttering*
Bright Orange Stuff!

Tribe: *Sounds of awe*

Jemilla: Oh, come on! Ugh. Like you expect us to believe YOU invented that? This is the person who
can't even gather nuts and berries. This is the person who almost got us killed multiple times in one
day! She...is dangerous. And so is that! So put it dowwwn.

Zazzalil: No.

Jemilla: What.

Zazzalil: I said no! *Huffs* You know, Jemilla, I used to look up to you. Yeah, I thought, "oh man, she's
got great clothes, she's got great hair, man, she's got it together! She's the leader of the tribe!
I wanted everything you had, and for you to have nothing.

Jemilla: So you didn't look up to me, you envied me?

31
Zazzalil: Yeah, that's right. But not anymore. But because now I see what you're really like!
You ban everything you can't control, and do you know why? Um, It's because you're a-
a scared, little, BABY.

Crowd: *gasps*

Zazzalil: And do you know what we do to babies in this tribe? (beat) Uh oh. We eat them.

Schwoopsie: Let’s…(beat) eat…(beat) Jemilla.

Jemilla: Um, babe, what the fuck?

Crowd: Let's. Eat. Jemilla!

Zazzalil: Woah woah woah. Guys.

Crowd: Let's! Eat! Jemillaaa!

Zazzalil: Thank you so much! Thank you for your support

Jemilla: Hey hey hey!

Zazzalil: I meant that figuratively.

Schwoopsie: Oh ya, I know. Uh of course! *Incoherent mumbling* Schwoopsie! *Badum-tss*

Zazzalil: You know what I think? I think this bright orange stuff is awesome. And I invented it. And WHY
shouldn't we have it? We're the best!

Crowd: Yeah!

Zazzalil: Oh, but Jemilla, *tsss, oooo*, Jemilla "doesn't" think we're the best. No no… Jemilla wants us
to be cold, and wet, and starving forever. Is that what you want?

Crowd: No way! Fuck her!

Keeri: Hey, I got an idea. Maybe Zazzalil could be our new leader.

Tiblyn: Oh yes! She did defeat Snarl!

Crowd: *agreeing enthusiastically*

Jemilla: New leader?! Hold on...

Zazzalil: That's a great idea. See, Jemilla, how I'm encouraging other people's ideas?

Keeri: That's great.

Jemilla: Fine! Fine. You know what? I have an awesome idea of my own. If you guys want Zazzalil as
your new leader, *Sarcastic laugh* then fine. I'M OUTTA HERE.

Crowd: Okay.

Jemilla: AND you can keep that “stuff". In my opinion, it's tooo (beat) hot! [but we all know she means
Zazzalil is too hot]

Crowd: Okay.

Jemilla: AND there is a reason that Snarl is afraid of it, and I'll bet it's a reeeally good reason. That
"stuff" is going to be the end of youuu. You are all going to BURRRRRRRRRN. *walks offstage*

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Crowd: O-KAAAAY.

Jemilla: *sobbing*

SCENE THIRTEEN: THE NIGHT BELONGS TO US

Emberly: So, Zazzalil! What is this stuff?!

Ducker: It is a spirit.

Schwoopsie: Uh-It's like a tiny sun.

Smelly-Balls: I'm here to help! What is that? A man?

Zazzalil: No. No, it's something different. It's um...it...

Chorn: Fire.

Tiblyn: Chorn said something other than chorn.

Chorn: Fire. Fire! FIRE!

Zazzalil: Yes! Yes! And so it shall be, FIRE!

Crowd: FIRE! FIRE!

Ducker: All hail Zazzalil, the Firebringer! Let us offer her a clean and pleasing worship.

Crowd: Fire! Fire! Fire!

Ducker: What's that? I think I hear the fire speaking to me! It's saying...it's saying I should get the dry
spot in the cave again!

Ducker: It's a miracle!

Zazzalil: Oh-no. Noo. It's not saying that. No. You know what? We're not going back to the cave. No.
No. For too long we have slept in that cold, wet, stinky cave. And why? 'Cause we were afraid of Snarl!
But not anymore. Let HIM hide in the cave, huh?

Crowd: Yeah!

Zazzalil: Let HIM fear the night for once!

Crowd: YEAH!

Zazzalil: Before, we were at the bottom of the food chain, but tonight, tonight belongs to US!

Song: The Night Belongs to Us

Zazzalil: *Singing* No more cold
No more cave
No more fear
It's our turn now
He is gone
Our time is here

Chorn, Emberly and Keeri: No more work

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No more pain
No more fuss
Our suffering's done because the night
belongs to us!

Everyone: No more cold

No more cave
No more fear
It's our turn now
He is gone
Our time is here
No more work
No more pain
No more fuss
Our suffering's done because the night
belongs to us!

Jemilla: Though I helped them survive

They're not grateful for their lives
So I'm done with this fight
I'll find a new life
The night
belongs to me!

Ensemble: This is the dawn

The dawn of our time
We are on the rise
We won't be left behind

Jemilla: And we'll help me tonight!

Ensemble: This is the dawn. We'll take on whatever's next.

Jemilla: We will destroy their lives!

Ensemble: We are, for sure, the best! There's no way

this'll end in a mess.

Everyone: I know we're right, this is our night to start a brand new life
On our own
Where we'll build our home

Ensemble: Can't bring us down

Jemilla: Can't bring me down

Everyone: We're not quite sure how But the night belongs to us
Jemilla: me

Everyone: nowwwwwwww.

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ACT 2

SCENE FOURTEEN: ZAZZALIL’S TRIBE

Song: Climate Change

Ensemble: *harmonizing* Ooooooooo Ooooooooooo Ooooooooooo
Zazzalil: *singing* I can feel the air now getting warmer
Flames are everywhere now, they're transforming me
Everything has changed and our path is being paved
We've left behind the cave, no more being Jemilla's slaves
Ensemble: …oooooo Ooooooooooo
*Upbeat drum beat*
Everyone: Woo! Mmmm. Ow!
*Distinct laughs*
Ensemble: Now we all know that Jemilla was crazy
we got Zazzy now, she's lettin' us be lazy
layin' around and doin' shit for nobody
barely gettin' up to go potty
Jemilla's leadership was shoddy at best.
Zazzalil: It's a new way of livin'
it's the gift that keeps on givin' to all
Ensemble: Got all the food we desire
just light some mammoths on fire
and watch 'em burn
Tiblyn and Smelly-Balls: Good thing we learned how good it tastes.
We don't got work to do if we don't want to
that's a rule that Zazzy made up.
Zazzalil: *speaking* Ha! That's right. Just do whatever you want.
Ensemble: *Singing* There's been a change in the climate
something's in the air
we feel the heat.
No need to define it
Zazzalil: We don't really care
Ensemble: Aaaahhh...
Zazzalil: Come on, let's eat now
Ensemble: There's more food than we can eat in a lifetime
No need to share
Zazzalil: No baby, it's all mine
Ensemble: Ooo bap. Badoom ahh oooo bap
badoom ahh oooo bap
badoom ahh oooo bap
badoom ahh
Zazzalil: I know what my people needed now
I'm a better leader; look at how we're free.
Ensemble: Thanks to you, Zazz, our harmonies are tight, we sing it all night
Zazzalil *speaking*: And sometimes we don't feel like doing that either
Ensemble *out of harmony*: Mm-mm-mmmm.
Zazzalil *singing*: Thanks to all this change
Ensemble: Ooo...
now our path is being paved
Ensemble: ...oo-aah...
Zazzalil: My people have been saved
and we do nothing all day
There's been a change in the climate
something's in the air
we feel the heat.
No need to define it

35
we don't really care
Let's taste defeat now
Everyone: Change in the climate
Oh-ohhh wo-oh...
Oh change in the climate
Oh-ohhh wo-oh...
Oh change in the climate
Oh-ohhh wo-oh...
I don't really wanna do the work today
I don't really wanna do the work today
I don't really wanna do the work today
I don't wanna work today
I don't really wanna do the work today
I don't really wanna do the work today
I don't really wanna do the work today
I don't wanna do the work

Zazzalil: *sigh* Yes. *Speaking* Look at it, Chorn. The world I've created. You know, we left behind that
stinky cave and taught ourselves how to build those two stinky huts. Yes. The climate has changed
indeed. And, Chorn, I believe that if we burn enough things we can change the climate permanently.
Yes. *Sigh* We can do it. That is something to strive for- Chorn, are you even listening to me?

Chorn: Chorn.

Zazzalil: Aha, no you're not.

You're just staring at that tiny fire. That's rude to do when I'm talking to you. *Zazzalil tries to take the
fire off Chorn*

Chorn: Chorn chorn you fucking asshole!

Zazzalil: Nooo. Nooo! Beat it! Go engage with the world!

Play outside or something! Geez, what ever happened to simple human connection? *stares into fire*
Woah, look at that.

SCENE FIFTEEN: THE “MAMMOTH KILLER”

Keeri: Hey Zazz.

Zazzalil: Ahuh.

Keeri: Zazz?

Zazzalil: Hm? Oh hey, Keeri, what's up?

Keeri: Well, I just saw you singing and dancing with everybody just now and I thought that, you know,
the rib isolation could be sharper and could really lock that movement but it's just a note I had.

Zazzalil: Mhm.

Keeri: Um… Anyway…um... It just reminded me of when me and you used to sing and dance, you
know? We'd be out collecting things and I'd pick something up and you'd tell me if it was a nut or not.
*Laughs fondly* That was really fun.

Zazzalil: Yeah well, Keeri, you'll never have to collect nuts ever again. Thank god. You have a new job,
remember? Anytime someone is hungry, you just go on up to a mammoth,
and light it on fire. You're the official "Mammoth Killer".

36
Keeri: Uh, yeah. Um, about that… I don't think I can do my job anymore. First of all, I hate killing ‘em
because I really like mammoths.

Zazzalil: Aw. I like them too! They're delicious.

Keeri: Ye… But besides that, I can't find any.

Zazzalil: Wh- *laugh* What do you mean you "can't find any”? Mammoths are the hugest things in
existence. I mean, their name is synonymous with big for fuck's sake.

Keeri: Yeah I know. I mean they're pretty easy to spot and I know where they live but it's just that when I
go there, they're not there anymore. Because… (beat) I think we might've killed 'em all.

Zazzalil: Oh *laughs* Killed them ALL? No way.

Keeri: I don't know. We sure killed a lot. And we didn't even eat all the meat. Most of it went bad so we
threw it into the watering hole. And then all that rancid meat made the water poison. Lots of people are
drinking that poison water and they're puking it back up again so now the water is poison AND pukey
also the insane amount of fires we're burning are killing all the bees-

Zazzalil: Okay, alright, alright! Stop. Okay. First of all, No one is forcing anyone to drink water, okay?
And, um, I mean, second of all, FUCK bees. I mean, they can all die, am I right? *laughs* And um, and
as for wiping out an entire species, that's just a mammoth problem. I'm sure there are plenty of other
animals to burn through, (beat) literally. How about giant sloths?

Keeri: They have friendly, human faces! And if you get really close to one it'll give you a hug! No shit! I
don't think I could bring myself to light a sloth on fire.

Zazzalil: Okay, alright! Then, stop eating! I don't know, what do you want me to do?

Keeri: Well if Jemilla were here, she'd do something about all the killing, and extinction, and terrible stuff
like, I don't know...stop it?

Zazzalil: You know what?! I don't want to hear about what Jemilla would do, okay? Look at how much
happier everyon-

Zazzalil: Keeri, look at them.

Keeri: I won’t.

Zazzalil: Look at them!

Keeri: No.

Zazzalil: Alright. Then I'll just tell you they're much happier with me in charge! You know what?
I forbid feeling nostaligic for Jemilla, forever. It's BANNED. It's banned, baby.

Keeri: *under her breath* what?\

Zazzalil: She’s gone. She's an exile, okay? We're never gonna see her again.

[Molag enters stage from wings]

Keeri: I'm just worried you're turning into a monster.

SCENE SIXTEEN: JEMILLA’S EXILE

Molag: And they never did see her again. She died. Mhm. During intermission, she was eaten

37
by a lizard. Of all the things. (beat) Naaah I'm playin' again! Ahhh. Jemilla's not dead! She's right over
there! About 50 feet away from the rest of the tribe. But an exile. Now get ready everybody. 'Cause
what's about to happen next is gon' be real sad. In 5… 4… 3… 2… 1...

Song: Jemilla’s Lament

Jemilla *singing*: I guess this is what I deserve
Otherwise
I wouldn't be here right now
Zazzalil's got sommme nerrrrve
Running off alone
into the night
How did she
think I'd react?
Just look at the facts
Snarl did attack
I guess I was holding us back
It stands to reason that we could've beaten him
long ago
I just wish they would cut me some slack
Yes, I get it
This time I was wrong
I know
But if they only knew
from my point of view
I did it for you,
Zazzalil
I guess I don't belong with the tribe
I bet now that I'm gone
they will thrive
I know I'm not
the bravest person
If I'd have fought
I'd make things worse than before
*sigh*
I guess I should get used to this
Can't really say I'm enjoying it now
I'll just sit here and reminisce
Find happiness
in my memories somehow
But I can't pretend
this isn't the end
I miss all my friends!

Duck: Quack.

Jemilla: *gasp* Duck!

*Speaking* Is that you?!
Oh hey!
Looks like you're enjoying your freedom!
That's good.
At least I did something right that day.

Duck: Quack.

Jemilla: Then again I'll bet it felt real nice to be appreciated, huh?

Duck: Quack.

38
Jemilla: Yeah. Well hey, if you'll let me I could worship again and then- maybe we could uh… nope.
Okay. There he goes. *Sobs*

*Singing* I guess I'm just alone from now on

I'm out here on my own singing songs
If only I could have two voices
I'd harmonize
but that's not a choice I can make
Ooo-oo-ooo-oo-oooo-oo-oo-ooo
Ooo-oo-ooo-oo-oooo-oo-oo-ooo

Clark: *Harmonizing* Ooo-oo-ooo-oo-oooo-oo-oo-ooo

*Harmonizing* Ooo-oo-ooo-oo-oooo-oo-oo-ooo

Jemilla: *speaking* Oh. Who are you? Uh-huh...

SCENE SEVENTEEN: THE PLACE THAT GLOWS WITH PAINT

Schwoopsie: Alright guys. Look, forget the old joke, okay? I-I did some soul searchin' last night
and I came up with some new material that I wanna test out! Alright, I'm gonna need a lil audience
participation for this one so Tibs, aye?

Tiblyn: Yeah.

Schwoopsie: I'm lookin' at you.

Tiblyn: K.

Schwoopsie: Alright! Hold on, just give me just one second. *mumbling* *chuckling* Yeah, that's good.
*chuckles again* Alright. WHY DID THE CHICKEN cross the road?

Tiblyn: Uh. Why?

Schwoopsie: I'onno, what's a road?! Schwoopsie! *Badum-tss* Daeeeeeeeeehh

Tiblyn: Fire's great.

Emberly: Yeah, fire's great!

Tiblyn: I mean, I could look at this all day.

Emberly: Me too. 'Cept my eyes are kinda burning from staring at it for so long. *looks around* Oh shit,
it's night.

Tiblyn: What? *notices the darkness* Oh shit. Hey, are you hungry?

Emberly: Nope.

Tiblyn: Yeah, me either. But like, would you eat some more mammoth ribs?

Emberly: Yup.

Tiblyn: Yeah me too. I'll be right back. [she exits the stage]

Grunt: Oh! Oh my! Oh my god! It's you! It's really you!

Emberly: Grant!

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Emberly: Hello! Grunt: At long last!

Grunt: I went back to that bush every day hoping against all hope that you'd return! And it's Grunt,
actually.

Emberly: It's grunt to see you too, Grant!

Grunt: For many nights, I have seen the glows of this place. My heart told me to follow the glow and…
lead me back to you.

Emberly: *sighs lovingly*

Grunt: So what's that thing?

Emberly: Oh, that?

Grunt: Yeah.

Emberly: Oh...that's just some new stuff that my tribe got. It's called fire. Makes things hot. You could
look at it. Probably not gonna catch on.

Grunt: Um. Do you remember that day you shared your special skill with me? You know where you took
leaves, and berries and you mixed them together to make a new taste?

Emberly: Mhm!

Grunt: Well, I wanted to share with you MY special skill. It's something I invented. *Grunt grunting* It's
how I express myself.

[grunt shows Emberly the painting]

Emberly: *gasps* I-I-It's a turkey! Wh- Wait, it's not really a turkey. It just looks like a turkey. How did you
do this? Did you smash a tiny turkey with this rock?

Grunt: No. No no no. I made it! It's called a "pinting".

Emberly: A "painting"...

Grunt: That's fine.

Emberly: Wait wait. Can-can you make paintings of other things? Like, besides turkeys, I mean.

Grunt: At first, I thought “no". I figured out that you can. It's just that turkeys, they're kinda my specialty.

Both: *giggling* I mean, this is probably the best thing I've ever painted. *Giggles* If you'd like I can
show you some of the others.

Emberly: Oh. Yes, I would like that.

Grunt: Yeah?

Emberly: Mhm!

Grunt: Okay. Um… This painting is of my father.

Emberly: You have his eyes! Or… are those his… his nostrils?

Grunt: They’re... well they're nostrils. Did I forget to draw the eyes? Oh, well, this one fucking sucks.
This painting is of my mother.

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Emberly: Oo-oo-EUGH! Hoohoo! Hah… Wow! Hah...

Grunt: My mother was VERY ugly.

Emberly: Ohhh! Oh! Well then, this one is REALLY good!

Grunt: Yeah! Yeah! This one is one of the better ones. Yeah.

Emberly: Eughk! Haha!

Grunt: And uh…this... is my self portrait.

Emberly: Th-that's you?

Grunt: Yes.

Emberly: What's this?

Grunt: My penis.

Emberly: Going up to...

Grunt: The moon.

Emberly: Wow! That is so creative! What is this made out of? (tastes some of the ‘paint’) Okay I'm
detecting some mud… and a little poison berry. Very clever. And what… what is that third ingredient?
*thinks* Hm.

Grunt: Yes, the last ingredient is (beat) poop. Well that's how I achieved the light sienna and caramel
color! Seen here, see. *gesturing at painting*

Emberly: *spitting* Mhm… Uhm… Say, do you- *exhales thoughtfully* Do you think you could teach me
how to paint?

Grunt: I-I would like that very much Em- Um…ha... (he can’t remember her name) W-What is it again?

Emberly: Emberly.

Grunt: Emily. Alright. Um… Well, first thing's first. Uh, you gotta mix the mud and the berries, and the
poop together.

Emberly: Ew.

Grunt: Bu-but I've already got a pre-mixed batch here! In case I ever see a turkey. You just gotta get a
ton of it on your hands.

Emberly: Yeah.

Grunt: Cake 'em in it. Yeah. And then uh, pick up a stone tablet and let your imagination go wild. Now
let's have some fun. Like uh, I can put a little bit of brown over here… maybe a line across there- ah
GOD DAMN IT. I fucked it up.

Emberly: How does mine look?

Grunt: *sigh* It-it's good. It's too good.

Emberly: What's wrong?

Grunt: It's just… painting turkeys is like, my thing and I didn't think you'd paint a turkey too.

41
Emberly: Oh…ohh... I-I-I-It...*exhales sharply* It's not a turkey, it's not! It's a… It’s... it’s... it… it's a
spider!

Grunt: Well, spiders have a few more legs than that but it's not bad. I'm sorry I got upset about the
turkey. I'm just really self-conscious about my skill level. Emberly, since we met you have not left my
thoughts. Partially because that sandwich you gave me has given me diarrhea ever since.

Emberly: Ah! Yeah it'll do that.

Grunt: I was wondering… may I… paint you? So that I may have a way to see Emberly even when I
cannot "see" Emberly.

Emberly: Oh Grant, Yes, yes! I would like that so much. But I want something to remember you by too!
*Gasp* Can we paint each other?

Grunt: I...would prefer if I just painted you.

Emberly: Oh, because you don't want mine to be so much better than yours.

Grunt: Thank you so much for understanding. But, Lo-look! You can have some of my old stuff. You can
have my "penis touches the moon"-

Emberly: *Excited gasp*

Grunt: Ehh… You can have my mother.

Emberly: You would part with this hideous, shit-covered rock for me?

Grunt: For you, I… I’d part with many of these paintings. Not all of ‘em. But I do like you a lot.

Emberly: I like you too, Grant. But I... don't want this. Alright. Paint me. *poses*

Grunt: Is... is that really the pose you're gonna make?

Emberly: I was thinkin' about it.

Grunt: *sigh* It's a little hard but whatever.

Song: Paint How You See Me

Grunt *singing*: Start with how your hair goes
The fire light makes it glow
Then I'll move on to that cute nose

Emberly: Paint how you see me

Grunt: Next I'll draw your smile

And stare at it a while
It just goes on for miles
Paint how you see me
I want to know how you see me
And if it’s the same as I see you
With the colors of love on your paint brush
Paint how you *mumbling* see me

Grunt: Now I'll paint your body

You always look so lovely
I can't explain these feelings

Emberly: Paint how you see me

42
Grunt: I think that I got everything
The essence of your beauty
I hope you like your painting
of what I see in you

Emberly: *Gasp*

Grunt: Oh fuck I forgot the eyes again

Can you get back position?
Alright I guess that's it then

Together: I like how you see me

Grunt: *speaking* Alright. Here it is. I… I'm really proud of how the hands turned out.

Emberly: It's SO wonderful! And… is that a cat sitting in front of me?

Grunt: I can't do feet.

Emberly: It's beautiful.

Grunt: Beautiful...

Emberly: You got shit on my face...

Grunt: Oh, I'm so sorry! I totally forgot.

Emberly: Just a lil.

Grunt: I was so in the moment.But you do- you do know what I was tryna go for, right?

Emberly: Yeah, I get it! Come on.

SCENE EIGHTEEN: THE FIRE WHISPERER

Schwoopsie: Are you sure this is a good idea?

Ducker: Nn-yes When fire was gifted from on high to the greatest tribe in the world, -Our tribe- A vessel
was chosen, Someone through whom the holy fire makes its divine will known. That vessel is me...

Someone: Huuh?

Ducker: Nyes. Was I not the one who said, -and I quote- "I will be the FIRST to renounce my faith in the
Duck!” What I didn't tell you at the time was I said that because, I foresaw the coming of Fire

Everyone: aaaah

Schwoopsie: Yeeah that makes sense, that makes sense!

Ducker: Mhm Mhm. Now, Since I am the only one who can hear the Fire's voice, You're going to have
to take my word for it that I was indeed chosen BUT I don't think I've ever given anybody any reason to
distrust me.

Schwoopsie: Uuuh,

43
Smelly-Balls: Oh, wait-

Ducker *interrupting*: -NOW, since I am the VICAR of Fire on Earth, I must be given, a certain amount
of, luxury. So that I may better interpret the Fire's will. I also require a symbol of this privilege! Ahh,
Uhm. HEAVY responsibility. I require… A hat. A big, silly hat! So that all may know,
that I am, The Supreme, Flame Head Wizard.

Schwoopsie: So..ah You want me to… light your head... on fire?

Ducker: Yeas!

Schwoopsie: Won't it burn you?

Ducker: Hah! Ye of little faith, the Fire will not burn me… I'm the best. For I have faith. And now we shall
see where my faith, brings me. okay go for it.

Fire: *crackling noises*

Song: Ouch My Butt

*music starts*
Ducker: Mwa-ha
*Schwoopsie laughing*
Ducker: *humming* Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh-ouaaaaahhhh
*panicked* aaaaaaaaAAH
*breath* AAaaaaaaaAAAH
*breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
HELP!

Schwoopsie: What's wrong?

Ducker: MY FUCKING HEAD'S ON FIRE! WHAT THE FUCK?

Schwoopsie: Stop!

DUCKER: WHAT THE FUCK?

Chorn: *chorn* Chorn!

Ducker: *panicky* WHAT THE FUCK?

Tiblyn: Stop!

Smelly-Balls: Stop! Stop! STOP!

Emberly and Grunt: *singing* Just a taste of- WHAT THE FUCK?

Ducker: *screaming*

Schwoopsie and Tiblyn: *singing* Welcome to the stone- WHAT THE FUCK?

Everyone: Woah! Woah! Woah! Woah!

Everyone: *singing* Stop that flame, get that

Stop that flame, get that
Stop that flame, get that
Stop that flame, get that
FIRE! ZAZZALIL!

Zazzalil: What the fuck?

44
Everyone: Ouch my butt! Lookout!

Zazzalil: what the fuck?

Everyone: Ouch my butt! Lookout!

Zazzalil: WHAT the FUCK?

Everyone: OUCH MY BUTT LOOKOUT

Everyone and Zazzalil: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Stop that flame, get that
Stop that flame, get that
Stop that flame, get that
Stop that

Zazzalil: NEVERMIND, JUST RUN!

Everyone: AAAAAAAAAHH! *panicked screaming and shouting*

Ducker: Th-the village! THE VILLAGE IS ON FIRE!

Smelly-Balls: I AM ON FIRRREEEE!

Zazzalil: EVERYTHING'S ON FIRE!

[everyone runs offstage and renters to an empty stage covered in smoke]

Everyone: *coughing*

Emberly: It's all gone… The WHOLE village! EVERYTHING'S GONE.

Ducker: Damn you, Zazzalil! This is your fault. We were doing just fine living in a cold, wet, SAFE cave
worshipping a duck. You brought us fire. YOU told us to leave the cave. Well? Look what happened.
The fire ate our huts! And died!

Keeri: Jemilla was right.

Zazzalil: Keeri?

Keeri: She warned us. Told us that we didn't understand fire. That it was dangerous. And now we're out
here… AT NIGHT NOWHERE NEAR THE CAVE and with no fire to protect us! What if Snarl comes
back?!

Everyone: *Fearful gasps*

Ducker: Bring us more fire, Firebringer!

Crowd: *agreeing*

Zazzalil: I… I can't.

Tiblyn: Zazzalil led us astray!

Ducker: She's DOOMED us all!

Grunt: WE TRUSTED YOU, ZAZZALIL!

45
Zazzalil: Who the fuck are you?

Grunt: Oh. I-I'm Grunt. I'm an outsider. I don't know too much about what's going on here but it does
look like you let a lot of people down.

Schwoopsie: Come on guys, let's get back to the cave before we end up-

Snarl: [from offstage] LOUD GROWLING*

Everyone: *Screaming* [Snarl grabs Grunts arm with it’s mouth and drags him offstage] *Lots of
screaming*

Emberly: Grant! No! No! Noooo!

Zazzalil: Wow! I mean, that was a lucky break, right?! He just took that outsider! Alright guys. ‘right.
Let's get out of here while he takes that guy back to his lair to eat him okay?

Emberly: NO! No, Zazzalil! No! We have to go in there and save him!

Zazzalil: Wooah! Save him?! From Snarl?! Are you crazy?

Emberly: Well you guys… Listen, I… I know we've only known Grant for a short amount of time but…
He's a really great guy.

Chorn: Chorn!

Emberly: Thank you.

Smelly-Balls: Hell… YEAH, CHORN! YEEEAH! YOU GUYS, If I've. Learned. One. Thing…
THROUGHOUT all of this… It's that CHORRN… means A LOT of things… to a lot of different people…
FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE. BUT… THE ONE THING… THAT CHORN MEANS… above all other
things… CHORN… MEANS… FAMILY.

Emberly: Great! Thank you so much, Smelly-Balls!-

Smelly-Balls: AND IF EMBERLY REALLY CARES FOR THIS GUY… THIS GRUNT GUY… then that
makes him more than just an OUTSIDER… THAT… MAKES HIIiiimm...

Emberly: FAMILY!

Smelly-Balls: FAMILY!

Emberly: Okay! [we get it]

Smelly-Balls: YEAH!

Emberly: Alright. Alright gang. We've beat Snarl before, we can do it again.

Everyone: *Sounds of agreement*

Zazzalil: No you can't.

Emberly: Yes we can! We're the best!

Zazzalil: No you're not!-

Schwoopsie: YYYY-Ya know what?! Just… Shut up, Zazzalil. We hate you. We love Grant!

Crowd: *mix of yeahs*

46
Smelly-Balls: He-he-he-he's my family!

Schwoopsie: Alright so, Emberly, last time we beat Snarl it was 'cause we had fire. So uh... what're we
going to do?

Emberly: Okay. So uh… Gee… maybe w-w-we don't need fire… if we... have something... that looks
like fire?! Like… *ding* I have an idea. *poops behind rock and starts painting*

Everyone: *sounds of shock*

Tiblyn: Oh my gosh...

Zazzalil: Emberly, Really? Come on! You're just taking a shit on the ground?! This is a terrible idea!

Schwoopsie: Please, please please. I-I-I wanna see where she's goin' with this.

Everyone: *curious murmurs*

Emberly: Alright. There!

Crowd: *Gasps*

Tiblyn: Woah! Fire...

Crowd: Fire!

Keeri: Emberly, you just shat out a fire.

Ducker: All hail Emberly! The Fireshitter!

Crowd: Fireshitter! Fireshitter!

Emberly: Stop!

Crowd: Fireshitter!

Emberly: NO! NO! No! No! Nooo. It's not really fire. It's not even warm!

Keeri: I dunno guys. I think it's a lil warm.

Emberly: It’s called a “painting". And maybe we could use it to trick Snarl into thinking that we have fire
long enough to save Grant!

Schwoopsie: YYYY-Yeah! That could work! That could work!

Tiblyn: I think this painting does looks JUST like fire

Crowd: *agreeing*

Schwoopsie: It's uncanny.

Emberly: Well then let's go, gang! Come on! To Snarl's lair! We're the best!

Zazzalil: No...

Everyone: We're the best! We're the best!

Zazzalil: Come on, this is so stupid!

47
Everyone: We're the best!

Zazzalil: Emberly, please! What did you eat?!

Everyone: We're the best!

Zazzalil: Come on! You're going to get yourselves killed!

Everyone: We're the best!

Zazzalil: Don't you understand?! Keeri!

Everyone: We're the best!

Zazzalil: Come on. [talking to Keeri] I don't care if everyone else dies but not you! I’ve already lost
Jemilla, I can’t loose you too. Come on, let's get outta here. We can go collect nuts! It'll be like old
times.

Keeri: Okay! *thinks* Wait a second… This is all YOUR fault. When Jemilla was in charge and we were
complaining and breaking rules together, that was so fun! But now that you're in charge,
and there's no one else to blame, it's kind of like… fuck you? I think I'm gonna go help them. Because
Grant seems like a really great guy. I'm the best. I'm the best.

Zazzalil: Keeri, come on...Keeri! Keeri! Come on!

Keeri: P-LEEEASE.

Zazzalil: I just… wanted to be lazy.

Song: Backfire
*Singing*: What if I tried something new and it-

Ensemble: BACKFIRED

Zazzalil: What if I did something more and it- BACKFIRED

Schwoopsie: You made a schwoopsieee...

Ducker: You burned down the villaaage...

Smelly-Balls: You killed all the mammothsss...

Tiblyn: You poisoned the waterrr...

Emberly: You lost my Graaant...

Chorn: Chooooooorn...

Zazzalil: Okay okay okay! *speaking* Geez, Chorn, I get it.

SCENE NINETEEN:

[Molag enters]

Molag: Heyyyy everybodyyy. Wassup? So, all the while, Molag, me, has been lookin' for the end
of the Earth. And I still can't find the damn place. You privileged fucks could probably just take an Uber
there whenever you want! Spend a night at an Airbnb order GrubHub You fuckin' assholes. I have been

48
walkin' my old ass off! And no dice! So I guess I can take a break to narrate a little bit. Here I go.
Zazzalil walked around all in her feelin’s thinkin' about how she messed everything up. And just when
she's just about to get real sad, a mysterious stranger appears.

[Clark enters]

Stranger: You look lost.

Zazzalil: *moment of shock before realising how gosh darn attractive Clark is* I am lost.

Stranger: Have you tried retracing your steps until you returned to the place where you began?

Zazzalil: No. I know where I began.

Stranger: Oh. Well then, you're not lost.

Zazzalil: No. Nonono! No, no no. I AM lost.

Stranger: Okay.

Zazzalil: I just… I don't know what to do with my life. I fucked everything up.

Stranger: A story I have heard a thousand times. Tell me, What is your name?

Zazzalil: Zazzalil.

Stranger: Zazzalil… Ohhh. Fuck no. I've been hearing about you way too much. You're coming with me.

Zazzalil: What? Wai...Where are you taking me?

Stranger: To my tribe.

Zazzalil: Oh wow, look at all these people.

Stranger: Yes. There are thousands of us.

Zazzalil: Thousands of you? Holy shit.

[Jemilla enters]

Jemilla: Well. Well. Well… Look who was wrong. You know, for a while I thought it was me. But I feel
SO vindicated seeing that it was actually you.

Zazzalil: Jemilla… What are you doing here with this tribe?

Jemilla: I'm their new leader.

Zazzalil: Really?

Jemilla: Yeah. I'm smart and qualified to govern. What? You didn't think I'd find a new job? I mean,
you're the one who never likes to do any work and who isn't goood at anything. *Laughs* *Snort* Yeah!
So let me guess. You burned down the entire village and now Snarl's gonna eat everybody?

Zazzalil: *snappily* Yeah that's right.

Jemilla: Yessssss.

Zazzalil: But guess what, J-Mils? I learned my lesson! I'm ready to step down. You're the leader again!
Just in time to rectify YOUR mistake of leaving me in charge.

49
Jemilla: Awww. I'm sorry, Zazzalil. I am not coming back.

Zazzalil: But… But we're a FAMILY.

Jemilla: Ohh... I have a new family now! Did you see my boyfriend? Clark? He is an Adonis. And it's not
just him. This entire tribe is full of the most beautiful people I have ever seeeen. And they actually
remembered that um… Today's my birthday. *Nonchalant sound*

Zazzalil: *whispering* Fuuuuuck. We remembered! Why do you think we came all the way over here- It
was to celebrate your big day! *Singing* Happy birthday Happy birthday Happy b-

Clark: Hey J, is she buggin' you? Would you like me to get her outta here?

Jemilla: No that's okay, Clark. It's alright. Hey, have the kids had lunch yet?

Clark: I'm makin' it for them right now.

Jemilla: Oh I love you so much.

Clark: I love you.

Jemilla: Love you, baby. Love youuu. He's so good with the kids. And it's not just him, Zazz. Do you see
ALLL these beautiful people here? These are all my family.

Zazzalil: Wow. Lucky.

Jemilla: Yeah. Back in the old tribe I had zero family and ONE wife and that was Schwoopsie and then
she fuckin' told everyone to eat me so we filed for divorce.

Child 1: Mommy! Mommyyy!

Child 2: Mom! We did all the chores!

Child 1: Yeah yeah yeah! For your birfdayyyy!

Claire: *Laughing* Kids! What did mommy say about bothering mommy while mommy was busy?

Child 2: Don't do it?

Claire: *Laughs* That's right! *Laughs*

Jemilla: It's okay, Claire.

Claire: Hi. [she notices Zazzalil] Oh. Hello, Zazzalil. I'll be right over here if you need me, okay?

Jemilla: Okay. I love you, baby.

Both: I love you so much.

Claire: I love you.

Child 1: Bye mommy.

Jemilla: Be good, kids. Hey, did you see that? I am one proud mammaaaa...

Zazzalil: Yeah yeah. That's pretty idyllic BUT tell you what. Limited time offer. Today only. You come
back and help us, I'LL be your wife. Hm?

Jemilla: Zazzalil...

50
Zazzalil: You like what you see? All this can be yours. *Huffing* come on.

Jemilla: Damn, Zazz… mmMm… As tempting as that is, I have to say no because I kinda hate you. And
why would I leave ALL of this to come back to a tribe of… no offence, idiots?

Zazzalil: Because…

Jemilla: No thanks.

Zazzalil: No… I… No, please don't walk into that light… Please! *she stops Jemilla* I love you.

Jemilla: Erm, no.

Zazzalil: Please, genuinely.

Jemilla: Zazzalil, I… [she realises that Zazzalil isn’t joking]

Zazzalil: Listen. I'm a shit head, alright? I have all these ideas about how I wanna make life better or
whatever. And I just go for it! And I don't think! About what could happen. So then, when something bad
DOES happen, I ignore it. I want to make change… I just… end up making chaos. I don’t want to make
that anymore. We need peace but I can't do peace! You're the peacemaker. *starts crying*

Jemilla: *Sigh* Look, You know, sometimes chaos is good too. It's how new discoveries get made.
And as much as I want to, I can't ban those new discoveries. I mean, you can't un-discover something.
We just have to be smart about how we use it. Fire makes life easier but it's some dangerous shit. You
just want to advance. I can't blame you for that. I want that too. *Sigh* You know, maybe you and I are
like 2 sides of the same (beat) *laughs*… Uhh... I don't even know what.

Zazzalil: *crying*

Jemilla: New tribe! Come on out here.

Claire: What's up, J?

Jemilla: *whispering* Oh god. I love you guys SO much. But I think I have to go back to my old tribe
now.

Claire: Awww. It's okay. We understand.

Jemilla: God, I knew you would! Oh you guys are SO much better than humans! What do you call
yourselves again?

Claire: "Neanderthals"

Jemilla: “Neanderthals" Man, I really hope my species doesn't wipe you guys out.

Clark: [speaking from the band or the audience] No worries.

Jemilla: Clark! There you are!

Clark: If we open up our hearts to one another in love then we can share this big, beautiful world.

Jemilla: God. Shut the fuck up! I'm gonna miss you so much, Clark! (Insert the names of stage manager
and band here) I love you guys! *Blows a kiss*

Zazzalil: *Blows a kiss*

Clark: Fuck no, Zazz.

51
Zazzalil: Noted. Thank you so much.

Jemilla: Please, don’t forget me. But, It’s time I moved on now.

Claire: Of course.

Jemilla: Please. I love you, Claire. I love you! Be good, kids. I love you so much-

Child 2: BYE MOM!

Jemilla: Be good. Goodbye! *Crying*

Zazzalil: Hey… Thanks for giving up all your boyfriends and girlfriends.

Jemilla: It's okay. I've got a new wife nowww

Zazzalil: Woah! Wait, *excitedly* you’re gonna hold me to that?

Jemilla: Only if you want.

Zazzalil: [she pauses in thought] *crying laughing* Hell yes. (beat) *they share a kiss and the music
swells* What’s your plan to defeat Snarl?

Jemilla: You know that spear you invented?

Zazzalil: Yeah?

Jemilla: We need more of those.

Zazzalil: Ooohhh...

Song: Together
Zazzalil: *Singing* I never think about the consequence

Jemilla: I'd underestimate your competence

Both: But together nothing's standing in our way

Come on let's go, there's no time to delay
Cus if we do it together then let's just do it together
Now you and I are together
Let's do it together
Come on let's do it together
Come on let's do it together
*Fast instrumentals*

Jemilla: It's time to face what's given us such fear

Zazzalil: *speaking* Hey! come on! *singing* He'll be no match against our mighty spear

Jemilla: *speaking* Catch up!

Both: *singing* Together there is nothing we can't beat

There's no more fear to force us to retreat
Cus if we do it together then let's just do it together
Now you and I are together
Let's do it together
No matter what we will weather
We're in this together

52
Come on let's do it together
Come on let's do this together
Aaaaaahhhhhh~
*Huffing*
It's always better when you're by my side
There's no one else I'd rather be beside
You couldn't stop us even if you tried

Zazzalil: *speaking* We gotta go!

Both: *speaking* We gotta save our tribe! *singing* Cus if we do it together then let's just do it together
Now you and I are together
Let's do it together
No matter what we will weather
We're in this together
Come on let's do it together
Come on let's do it together
Let's do it together
Come on let's do it together
Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh~
Let's go!

Emberly: Alright, come on gang. But we gotta stay together.

Schwoopsie: *whimpering* Uh oh, guys! It's S-S-S-S-Snarl!

Crowd: Shhh!

Emberly: Schwoopsie! Snarl's asleep! You're gonna wake him up!

Schwoopsie: Sorry guys. That was a lil schwoops. *Badum-tss* It won't happen again.

Emberly: Look! Grant! Grant! Grant! Grant! Can you hear me?

Grant: Ho! Oh! Oh you-you came for me! Emer…Emi- One more time. What was it again?

Emberly: We gotta get you outta before Snarl wakes up!

Grant: Oh yes. His belly is full now He ate my arm.

Crowd: Ahhh!

Emberly: Oh no! Well at least you're still alive.

Grant: No… You don't understand, Embly. He ate my painting arm.

Emberly: That's terrible! Can you walk?

Grant: No. Snarl also ate my feet.

Crowd: *GASP*

Emberly: Oh that's awful!

Grant: I know. It's like how am I suppose to practise drawing those now? I can't do that shit from
memory!

53
Emberly: Come on guys! We gotta drag him home!

Schwoopsie: *Panicked whining* Schwooopsieeee! *Badum-tss*

Snarl: Huh? *Blink* *Blink* Egh hegh oeuhh

Crowd: *Relieved exhale*

Emberly: Oh wow. I thought your shouting was gonna wake up Snarl for sure but… Ooo he's out cold.
Aoohhh *Playful giggling* Tickle tickle hahaaa Look, I've got my arm in his ear!

Crowd: *Laughing*

*Pop*

Keeri: Can... can I please pet him?

Emberly: Yeah! Go ahead! He's real soft!

Keeri: Okay. Hi…hi... I'm your mommy now.

Crowd: *Variations of awing*

Tiblyn: That's so cuuute

Emberly: Wow you guys, I thought saving Grant was gonna be hard *laughs* And it's great that we
came prepared with a plan but I am very glad it did not come to that. Alright!
Let's go home! Come on, Keeri! Come on! Come on!

Keeri: Oh alright-

Zazzalil: HEY EVERYBODY! WE'RE HERE TO HELP!

Snarl: *GROWL*

Crowd: AAAHHHHHHHH

Emberly: What's your fucking problem?!

Zazzalil: What?

Emberly: We were almost out the door and you woke up Snarl!

Zazzalil: Great. Now I feel like a fucking idiot.

Crowd: You are a fucking idiot!

Jemilla: Heyyyy!

Emberly: We don't even need you right now! We had a plan the whole time! Someone hand me the
FIRE!

Jemilla: Babe! I thought you said they ran out of fire!

Zazzalil: Babe, it's a rock covered in shit. It's a bad plan.

Snarl: *GROWL*

Crowd: AAHHH!

54
Emberly: Alright! Here it goes! Stay back, Snarl! That's right! We brought FIRE! DON'T come any
closer! I MEAN IT! I-I-It looks better from far away!

Crowd: *Anxious whimpering*

Ducker: Look! It's working!

Tiblyn: Are you sure?!

Emberly: No… no no... no no... no no...

Emberly: Don't sniff it!

Snarl: *Sniff sniff*

Emberly: Don't sniff it'll... it'll...

Snarl: *Sniff*

Emberly: It'll burn you? Ahh!

Tiblyn: Oh no, you guys. We forgot that Snarl can smell.

Schwoopsie: Noo! Do you think that he can smell that that fire is really shit?

Ducker: Have faith! It's still working!

Snarl: *SNIFF* *SNIFF* Eugh! Oh fuck! Eugh.

Emberly: Oh come on! It's not that bad!

Snarl: *GROWL*

Crowd: *Screaming*

Emberly: Zazzalil! Jemilla! Please help! Please!

Tiblyn: Ahhh! He's gonna eat us!

Jemilla: NO HE'S NOT! Everyone STAY behind me!

Zazzalil: Alright, you heard her gang! We'll stay back here. Good luck, Jemilla. Moment of truth.

Jemilla: Uhhh WHAT THE FUCK? Get your ass over here! If we're going to do this *Song-like* we're
gonna do it together.

Zazzalil: Okay! Alright, alright. Okay. I'll stab him in one eye and then you stab him in the other and then
we'll kind of, stir his brains around like this. Got it?!

Jemilla: Got it! Here we goooo!

Everyone: AAAAAHHHHH!

Zazzalil and Jemilla: UGH!

*Offstage singing voice*: Did you see that spark upon the wall?

Zazzalil: Did you see that?!

Jemilla: Yeah! Snarl hit his head! Quick! Let's scatter! He can't catch both of us!

55
Zazzalil: No no! I mean that, that spark upon the wall. It was… kind of like a tiny… fire… Give me your
spear head! I have an idea.

Jemilla: What, are you nuts? These are our only line of defence!

Zazzalil: Trust me.

[She smashes the rocks together]

Song: Fire Reprise 2

*Clang clang clang clang clang...*
*Upbeat rhythmic percussion*

Ensemble: Light that flame, get that

Light that flame, get that
Light that flame, get that
Light that flame, get that power
That power
That power
That fire!

Zazzalil and Jemilla: [Shocked] *Yelling*

Snarl: Oh oh! Shit! Oh! Holy shit! Oh that's hot! Ow my eye! Ohh that burns! Oh please, lord! Tell my
wife I failed! Tell her I love herrrr!

Jemilla: You did it! You figured out how to MAKE fire!

Crowd: YAAAAY!

Zazzalil: And! We burned another big, beautiful animal to death!

Crowd: YAAAAY!

Smelly-Balls: Hell yeah!

Keeri: Nooooo

Jemilla: *Relieved sigh* We have fire again! And you know, holding it in front of me I can see that it's
actually pretty coool.

Zazzalil: Yeah, but now that we've seen how this cool, new technology can "burn" us...

Crowd: *Humorous laughter*

Zazzalil: We should probably be careful with it.

Jemilla: Damn, Zazz, you sound like a real draaag.

Crowd: *More humorous laughter*

Chorn *Echo-y alien voice*: You have done well… humans.

Everyone: Chorn?! Is that you?!

Chorn: Yes. I am Chorn. I came from the sky. A test this all has been.

56
Everyone: What the fuck?

Chorn: When the Federation of Chorn seeded life on this planet 4 billion years ago, the high lords of
Chorn-a-sorn calculated that any sentient life that would rise from here would inevitably become its own
undoing.

Everyone: What the fuck? And so I watched you. I have even taken physical form to walk amongst you.
And when I felt the time was right, I brought down a photon charge from the ship. The lightning bolt that
gifted YOU… fire.

Crowd: *Gasps of wonder*

Ducker: So… You. Are. God...

Chorn: Ohhh, I am no god. I then wanted to see if humanity was capable of harnessing this new
technology without destroying itself. I now see that you are. But you must never forget the lessons you
have learned. Balance… responsibility, a thirst for truth. Do not let the wonders you've discovered turn
you into apathetic, ignorant, or privileged fucks. Does that all make sense?

Tiblyn: What?

Ducker: I don't care.

Smelly-Balls: FAMILY.

Chorn: Excellent. Now, I must go. But before I leave, I will bestow a gift! Grant...

Everyone: Wooaahhw...

Chorn: In order for humanity to learn its lesson, you had to lose your arm and feet.

Grunt: Yeah, it sucked.

Chorn: I will make all right.

Grunt: Geugh Woooah...

Crowd: *Sounds of amazement*

Grunt: A new arm! Can you make me new feet too?

Chorn: Ohh I can't do feeet.

Grunt: Me neither.

Chorn: I can give you arms where your feet used to be?

Grunt: Yess.

Emberly: NO! No. Nooo. Noo. Thank you! That's so weird. Thanks though.

Chorn: And to this entire tribe, I shall give to you the gift of my vast alien knowledge.

Song: Chorn
*Singing* Yeeeeessss
Behooooooold meeeee
I am Choooooorn
Ooooooooh from which
your world was boooooorn
The face of man I've wooooooooooorn

57
Disguising my true fooorm
Behold me now I'm here
To give to you my wisdom
The truth I've held so dear
I share now with this visioooon
I am Choooooorn
I am Choooooooooorn
Behold me, I am
Chorn: Choooooooooorn~ Ensemble: The leaves are from
Ensemble: the trees.
Just as they will.
The sky
is blue.
The clouds
are white.
The stars move across
the
sky.
And in this time
we finally know whyyyy

Everyone: It's Choooooooooorn

It's Choooooooooorn
It's Choooooooooorn
It's Choooooooooorn

Chorn: Behold meeeee

Behold meeeee
Behold me, I am Chooooorn
I am Choooooooorn
G'byyye!

Everyong: *Overwhelmed mumbling*

Jemilla: OOAH! *Panting* The knowledge… Did you see what I saw?

Zazzalil: You mean… the future of all humanity?

Crowd: *Various yeses*

Ducker: And… And we all saw the temple we must build in dedication of the Almighty Duck?

Crowd: *Various noes*

Zazzalil: No one saw that.

Jemilla: No, that was not in there. Well guys, looks like this really is the dawn of a new age. Let's make
it a good one.

Song: Make The Most of It

We got a lot to do to make it work
We got a lot to do to work it out

Ensemble: We got a lot to do to make it work

We got a lot to do to work it out

58
We got a lot to do to make it work
We got a lot to do to work it out
We got a lot to do to make it work
We got a lot to do to work it out

Jemilla: *Singing* Ohh I can't deny

I feel beside myself to be here with my tribe again

Jemilla and Zazzalil: Ohh not gonna lie

I think the climate's gonna be feelin' cool vibes again

Emberly and Grunt: Ohh the love in the air is palpable

It almost makes our problems laughable

Ducker: Ohh we finally have a higher purpose

to fix ourselves so we deserve it!

Everyone: Oooooooooooo~
Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooooooooo
Oooooooooooo~
Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooooooooo

Tiblyn: Feel the sun

beating down
See its light
all around
Raise your hands
to the sky
and keep them there
Forever and ever and ever and ever!

Everyone: Oooooooooooo~
Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooooooooo
Oooooooooooo~
Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooooooooo
We gotta make the most of our time here
Make the most of it
Do the best that we can here
We gotta do a lot of work to make it right

Emberly and Grunt: Just a taste of something good

Jemilla and Zazzalil: There's a change in the climate

something's in the aaair

Emberly and Grunt: Just a taste to know if I should

Jemilla and Zazzalil: No need to define it

something's in the aaair

Both pairs: The feeling is indescribable

We are here and it's undeniable
If we're gonna stay we gotta find a way
to maintain the balance set in place

Everyone: Oooooooooooo~
Ooo ooo ooo ooo ooooooooo
Oooooooooooo
aaaaaaaaah~

59
Jemilla: What if I tried something new
and opened up
my arms to you?
I know we don't always agree
But they need you as much as me
What if I
could promise more
than what I gave to you before?
So when we don't see eye to eye
I'll always give your way a try

Zazzalil: This is the daaaawn

The dawn of our time
We are womankind
With the gift of a stronger mind

Zazzalil and Jemilla: This is the daaaawn

The dawn of our time
We are mankind
With the gift of a greater mind

Ducker: Quack. Quack.

Molag: Hey guys! I'm back! I went around the world! And guess what?!

Everyone: What?

Molag: It's a circle!

Everyone: We know! Chorn told us! With their mind!

Molag: What the fuuu...

Schwoopsie: Schwoopsie!

Jemilla: We got a lot to do to make it work

We got a lot to do to work it out

Everyone: We got a lot to do to make it work

We got a lot to do to work it out
We gotta make the most of our time here
Make the most of it
Do the best that we can here
We gotta do a lot of work to make it
Make the most of our time here
Make the most of it
Doin' all that we can here
You'd be surprised for how much you can

Ensemble 1: Make the most of our time here. Make the most of it Ensemble
2: Welcome to the Stone Age
1: Do the best that we can here. We gotta do a lot to work to make it
2: Welcome to the Stone Age
1: Make the most of our time here. Make the most of it
Ensemble: We are in a new age
1: Do the best that we can here
2: Welcome to the-
Everyone: Gotta do a lot of work To make it
1: Riiiiiiiiiiiight~
2: We got a lot to do to make it work! We got a lot to do to work it out!

60
[lights down]

61