Learning activity 1

Evidence: Regrets from the dying

This evidence is divided into two parts. Read the instructions below and make
sure you complete both tasks.

A. In 2012, Bronnie Ware, an Australian palliative nurse, wrote a book called

“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying”. Read the following article about that
book and answer the questions below.

To answer questions 1 and 2, follow the grammar structure in the example:

Example: They wish they hadn’t wasted time in silly arguments.

Source: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-
of-the-dying

Top five regrets of the dying

A nurse has recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and among the
top ones is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'. What would your biggest regret be
if this was your last day of life?

There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who
has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common
regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in
particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in

palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She
recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which
gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called
The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of
their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned
about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says,
"common themes surfaced again and again".

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others
expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life
is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many
dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of
their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had
made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no
longer have it".

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their
children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of
this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female
patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply
regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work
existence".

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others.
As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who
they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to
the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result".

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their
dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had
become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships
slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving
friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their
friends when they are dying".

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that
happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits.
The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well
as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and
 to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to
laugh properly and have silliness in their life again".

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or
change before you die?

Questions:

1. What is one of the most common regrets dying people, particularly men,
have?

2. When dying people are asked about their regrets, what are the most
common themes they mention?

3. In the article they mentioned that happiness is a choice. What do you think
this means?
Answers:

1. One of the most common regrets in men is that I would have liked not to
have worked so hard, I regretted having spent much of their lives in the
routine of an active existence.

2. Happiness is a choice means that sometimes they focus on the old habits
and the fear of change, in fact, they actually needed something more.

B. Using the answers from part A question 2, describe how things would have
been different if they had changed their actions in each situation. Read the
example below:

Example:

Regret: They wish they hadn’t wasted time on silly arguments.

Reflection: If they hadn’t wasted time on silly arguments, they would have
enjoyed the company of others more.
Answer:

Regret:
They wish they had the courage to live a life true to themselves, and not
the life others expected of them.

Reflection:
If they had courage to live a life true to themselves and not the life
others expected of them, they would have enjoyed their life living one in
truly.

Regret:
They wish they hadn't worked so hard.

Reflection:
if they hadn’t worked so hard, they would have spent much more time
with their family and they’d have enjoyed their children’s youth.

Regret:
They wish they had the courage to express their feelings.

Reflection:
If they had the courage to express their feelings, they would have been
happy because they’d have enjoyed their life.

Regret:
They wish they had stayed in touch with their friends.

Reflection:
if they had stayed in touch with their friends they would have shared
their life with people, who really care of them,

Regret:
They wish they
had let themselves be happier.

Reflection:
if they had let themselves be happier they would haven’t regret about
their sad life, and they would have enjoyed much more their life