Date: April 4, 2018

To: Dr. Nicole Dilts

From: Chloe Husted

Subject: Translation and Localization Assignment

In this memo, I will outline how I edited an article from The Guardian, a well-known daily news
source that provides national news from all around the United Kingdom. This particular article
took place in Nottingham, England and was titled “Man jailed for beating partner with rolling pin
on night she died” (www.theguardian.com). The article describes how an English man killed his
girlfriend by beating her to death and explains his sentencing of 15 years after being convicted of
the crime. While reading the article, I noticed several deletions and corrections that should be
made to make the article more appropriate and comprehendible for an American audience. I will
explain the implications I made on the article in this memo in full detail, and provide a copy of
the article and my revised version.

Deletions

Something I noticed in the article was the overuse of adjectives to explain the beating. In two
separate paragraphs the murder was described as “merciless” and “cold-blooded”. I did not think
those descriptions were necessary in explaining the murder and are mentioned later in the article
by the juries description of the crime. I corrected this by removing those particular words and
this condensed the length of the paragraph. I also decided to delete the detail of her being beaten
with a rolling pin because I did not think it was pertinent information for understanding the story
behind the crime. The middle section of the article was repetitive, therefore, I decided to remove
the entire paragraph, “Sentencing Ballin to an extended sentence...” because it was out of place
and served no purpose to educate the reader on the incident. I also decided to delete the
paragraph that reads, “Instead of calling an ambulance, Ballin searched the internet for
symptoms of dying and death.” because the next sentence describes that he waited until 6 am to
call the authorities. The reason is not necessarily important. There were several other words and
phrases that I deleted that are apparent in the new article.

Corrections

The first correction I made was the title. I felt that it was too graphic and there was no need to
indicate right away or even at all that she was beaten with a rolling pin. I decided to change the
title to “Man sentenced to 15 years in jail for killing partner”. I believe that this title can still
grasp the reader's attention, which is what the writer was trying to accomplish with the previous
title, because of the short prison sentence given to the man who murdered his girlfriend. I also
decided to revise this sentence from “The row led to Ballin attacking her in 'a cold-blooded,
merciless beating'.” to “The jury described the murder as a ‘cold-blooded, merciless beating'.”
There were also several instances where a word in the article would not be understood by most
American readers. For example, the word “squalid” was changed to “filthy”. This was done
again for the sentence that stated, “The Durys are now pressing for a full inquest to resume into
their daughter’s death”. I changed it to “The Dury's are looking for justice for their daughter's
death”. I believe that an American audience will understand the revision more than the original.
Another area of the article I decided to change was, “The extended sentence includes an
extended period of license of three years on top of the 15 years in jail, taking the total term up to
18 years”. I deleted this sentence and placed it after the preceding paragraph and changed it to
“The sentence also includes an extended license period of three years on top of 15 year sentence.
This means that Ballin’s sentence was extended to 18 years in prison”. There were a few
misspelled words in the article, for example license was spelled “licence” and offense was
spelled “offence”. These were a simple fix and must have been a small mistake by the author. As
for the pictures in the article, I did not think they needed to be corrected because they were not
graphic in nature. For this particular article, it would be disrespectful to show the crime scene for
the sake of the family. I made several more revisions to get to the point and shorten the length of
the paragraphs that can be seen below in the new article.

Revised Article:

Man sentenced to 15 years in jail for killing partner

Duane Ballin, 36, jailed for 15 years for inflicting at least 37 visible injuries on Tara Newbold

Duane Ballin was jailed for beating his girlfriend while three children were in the house.
Photograph: Nottinghamshire police/PNS

A man who severely beat his partner on the night she died – but was not charged with murder –
has been jailed for 15 years for the attack.
Duane Ballin, beat his girlfriend, Tara Newbold, 29, leaving her with at least 37 visible injuries
from head to toe, before turning himself in to police. He had abused her for years.
But after toxicology reports revealed she had cocaine in her system, police officers dropped a
murder inquiry and charged Ballin, 36, with the less serious offense of bodily harm with intent to
kill for which he was convicted in February and sentenced at Nottingham crown court on
Monday.
Ballin attacked Newbold on the night of 24 October 2016 after she demanded to know where he
had been for the previous two days. The court heard he had been in a hotel with another woman
on a cocaine binge. The jury described the murder as a “cold-blooded, merciless beating”.
Tara Newbold. Photograph: Supplied by family

With three children in the house they shared in West Bridgford, Nottingham, Ballin beat her all
over her body, leaving her with five broken ribs and a punctured lung.

In the early hours of the morning he took the children to his sister’s house and it was not until
about 6am that he called paramedics. They found Newbold under a duvet on the sofa, dead.

The judge said questions remained as to how Newbold ingested the cocaine and over Ballin’s
failure to call an ambulance when she was still alive. He said in the last few weeks of her life, her
home had become filthy, she had lost weight, became depressed, and was increasingly shutting
herself off from friends and family.
“For these children, the last memory of their mother is her crying, screaming and shouting for
help.” Dickinson said Ballin was a “continuing danger to women”.
Unlike regular sentences which allow a prisoner to be eligible for parole halfway through the
term, Ballin would not be able to be released until after 10 years, two-thirds of the sentence. The
sentence also includes an extended license period of three years on top of 15 year sentence. This
means that Ballin sentence was extended to 18 years in prison.
Julie and Peter Dury, Newbold’s mother and stepfather, who repeatedly called on the police and
prosecutors to pursue a murder charge, said in a statement they “can’t help feeling a sense of
hollow justice”.
“Until the police take seriously and investigate fully the circumstances behind Tara’s death,
justice cannot be considered to have been fully served,” they said.
“Tara was a dedicated mother not just to her own children but to any she came into contact with,
and she would not willingly have put them or their relationship with her in jeopardy. Our only
comfort is she can no longer suffer at the hands of this evil, selfish and controlling person.”
The Dury's are looking for justice of their daughter's death. It is the coroner's decision to share
more information with the family on the cause of death after the criminal proceedings have
ended.
Original Article:

Man jailed for beating partner with rolling pin on night she died
Duane Ballin, 36, jailed for 15 years for inflicting at least 37 visible injuries on Tara Newbold

Duane Ballin was jailed for inflicting a ‘merciless’ beating on his girlfriend while three children
were in the house. Photograph: Nottinghamshire police/PNS

A man who severely beat his partner on the night she died – but was not charged with murder –
has been jailed for 15 years for the “cold-blooded, merciless” attack.
Duane Ballin, beat his girlfriend, Tara Newbold, 29, with a rolling pin, leaving her with at least
37 visible injuries from head to toe, before turning himself in to police saying: “I think I’ve
killed my girlfriend.” He had abused her for years.
But after toxicology reports revealed she had cocaine in her system, police officers dropped a
murder inquiry and charged Ballin, 36, with the less serious offence of grievous bodily harm
with intent for which he was convicted in February and sentenced at Nottingham crown court on
Monday.
Sentencing Ballin to an extended sentence, which are reserved for the most dangerous offenders,
Judge Gregory Dickinson said: “There’s evidence you domineered, controlled and bullied Tara.
That is crystal clear. What’s beyond question is that Tara’s relationship with you was bad for
her.”
Ballin attacked Newbold on the night of 24 October 2016 after she demanded to know where he
had been for the previous two days. The court heard he had been in a hotel with another woman
on a cocaine binge. The row led to Ballin attacking her in “a cold-blooded, merciless beating”.
Tara Newbold. Photograph: Supplied by family

With three children in the house they shared in West Bridgford, Nottingham, Ballin beat her all
over her body, leaving her with five broken ribs and a punctured lung. The youngest child, then
three, witnessed some of the attack, the court heard.

Instead of calling an ambulance, Ballin searched the internet for symptoms of dying and death.
In the early hours of the morning he took the children to his sister’s house and it was not until
about 6am that he called paramedics. They found Newbold under a black duvet on the sofa, dead.
The judge said questions remained as to how Newbold ingested the cocaine and over Ballin’s
failure to call an ambulance when she was still alive. He said in the last few weeks of her life, her
home had become squalid, she had lost weight and become depressed and was increasingly
shutting herself off from friends and family.
“For these children, the last memory of their mother is her crying, screaming and shouting:
‘Duane, stop.’ Dickinson said Ballin was a “continuing danger to women”.
The extended sentence includes an extended period of licence of three years on top of the 15
years in jail, taking the total term up to 18 years.
Unlike regular sentences which allow a prisoner to be eligible for parole halfway through the
term, Ballin would not be able to be released until after 10 years, two-thirds of the sentence.
Julie and Peter Dury, Newbold’s mother and stepfather, who repeatedly called on the police and
prosecutors to pursue a murder charge, said in a statement they “can’t help feeling a sense of
hollow justice”.
“Until the police take seriously and investigate fully the circumstances behind Tara’s death,
justice cannot be considered to have been fully served,” they said.
“Tara was a dedicated mother not just to her own children but to any she came into contact with,
and she would not willingly have put them or their relationship with her in jeopardy. Our only
comfort is she can no longer suffer at the hands of this evil, selfish and controlling person.”
The Durys are now pressing for a full inquest to resume into their daughter’s death. It is at the
coroner’s discretion whether to hold an inquest after criminal proceedings have concluded.
 Works Cited

Grierson, J. (2018, March 26). Man jailed for beating partner with rolling pin on night she
died. Retrieved April 04, 2018, from https://www.theguardian.com/uk-
news/2018/mar/26/man-jailed-for-beating-partner-with-rolling-pin-on-night-she-died-tara-
newbold