R: Welcome to the group discussion. Our topic today is “Gender roles in Queer sexuality”.

Before we
move on to our main topic. The speakers are N, C, D and me. I am also the moderator. Before we
move to the principal discussion. Let us discuss some basics for better understanding. So, Chand
what is Sex?

C: Sex, from what I have studied, refers to the biological differences between males and females.
Any person born can be male, female or intersex, that is born with characteristics of both sexes.

R: Very well. And D, can you explain Gender for us?

D: Gender refers to a social category that finds its origin in sex, but goes on to prescribe roles for
males and females. However, in the modern perception of Gender, gender is a spectrum and a
person can lie at any spot on it. Gender can also be different from sex. Such individuals are called
transgenders.

R: Nicely said. Then, Nidhi, could you throw some light on the roles prescribed for genders?

N: Voluntarily! Now, gender roles have played an important role in the traditional interpretation of
gender. According to it, males are expected to earn the bread of the house, to be tough and not to
cry. Females on the other hand are expected to do the household work, be fragile and sensitive. In
different societies, these roles manifest differently, so they don’t have to be exalt the same.

R: Thank you. Now I will explain what sexuality is. Sexuality or sexual orientation refers to the
attraction of an individual to a specific sex and/or gender. Traditionally the preferred sexuality is
heterosexuality, i.e. attraction to the opposite sex because that leads to reproduction. However,
other sexualities such as homosexuality, bisexuality as well as asexuality have been gaining
acceptance.

Anyway, let’s talk about the main topic now, how do gender roles influence our perception of a
queer relationship. Nidhi, could you tell us your views on this?

N: Certainly. Gender roles have manifested themselves in the society’s perceptions of queer
relationships as such that we have expectations from couples like the receptive partner in sex,
weaker one or the effeminate one is expected to the household work. In lesbians, we want one of
the girls to dress up and behave like men, be strong etc. This should however not happen.

R: And Chand, what are your views on the subject?

C: The gender roles often show in gay relationships. Research shows that it is not uncommon for gay
and lesbian couples to divide their household chores and financial matters based on traditional
gender roles. There is often a man and a woman in the relationship even though they are both male
or female. Often the effeminate of the two, the shy one, or the one with a higher pitched voice is
likely to be the woman in the relationship. And the stronger one, with short hair, etc is often the
man.

R: Dhruv, what is your opinion?

D: I believe that the Dominant Gender Schema plays an important role here. According to it, both
sex and gender can be either male or female. Traditionally, the schema does not accept
homosexuality, however, with it being accepted, the schema which was already prevalent in the
society found a way to apply the same expectation to the rule breakers so that they don’t appear as
rule breakers. The modern perception of gender, however, severely opposes the schema and
challenges societies’ use of it in all aspects.
R: Very strong points put forth by all the speakers. Another aspect of these relationships, as
mentioned by Chand is the existence of a man and a woman in the relationship. Nidhi mentioned
what one during sex being associated with gender roles. It is very common for people to assume that
bottoms (receptive partners) would be weak and submissive while tops will be strong and dominant.
Terms butch and femme are used for lesbians in a couple for manly and effeminate people
respectively. This brings us to the question, “Who’s the man in the relationship?” Personally, I
haven’t been asked this, but I have heard from other gay people that they have. What do you think
of it? Nidhi?

N: This question, in my opinion, is really awkward for the people it is asked to. What answer could
they probably give? This question degrades on of the two and also the female gender as a whole. A
very good answer could be, “Last time I checked we were both women/men” depending on the
couple. Not that the question even should be asked. Why is it not asked to straight couples?

R: Interesting perspective. Might I try answering your question, it may be probably so because there
is already a man and a woman in the relationship. Dhruv, what do you think?

D: Yes, that is certainly one of the reasons. Nevertheless there are other reasons as well. People do
not want to undermine the masculinity of a man nor do they want the female to think she’s inferior
in any way. This double standard exists. Gay couples are asked this because people believe that one
of the two men has to be less manly or one of the women less womanly. This isn’t always the case
but the stereotype persists.

R: And Chand what do you think about the question?

C: Honestly, I don’t think it is wrong to ask the question. They may choose to answer as they like.
Since it is evident that in some queer relationships, the gender roles do show up. If they don’t in
someone’s relationship, they can simply say that they don’t for them. Gender roles aren’t a bad
thing necessarily bad. And if someone applies them in their own relationship, being open about it
should not be a problem.

R: I see. Not a popular opinion here, but certainly worth discussing. Now, before we put our
discussion to end, let us look at the results of a short survey we conducted for getting the local
opinion on the subject.