GROWTH OF METAMORPHOSE LOVE

Cruz, Lara Jamie, Nazaria, Arnel, Pacheco, Pauline Grace

ABM, 11, 4

ABSTRACT

This research paper is all about the changes in perception in love of

people from childhood until adulthood. It discusses the growth of how
love was look at depending on factors. The purpose of this is to explore
the extent, how love is changing? And what affects people in perceiving
it? Additionally, the paper explores other phenomena related to love as
these could possibly affect why certain group think of love in specific way.
As though people perceive love differently because of our own
experiences that dictates the truth.

Key words: Love, Growth, Adulthood, Freedom, Happiness

INTRODUCTION

Just like rocks lying underneath a blue sea, love is metamorphic. It changes as it
flows and grow.

Love, ever since, has been a question of what is. This inexplicable matter was given
light over time, because of men – the measure of all things, dictating the truth. Human with
the ability to perceive truth and impose it using mind subjectivity, according to Protagoras,
had created various answers to that broad subject.

Ajmal and Kobab (2012) stated that, love is a universal phenomenon. Everyone goes
through this strong positive emotion of affection and attachment, just differs in attitudes
and experiences radically1.

These differences are mainly because of age, thinking, and situations people have
been in. Obviously, children are not exposed much in circumstances about love, all they
think about what it is, is family lending them care and giving whatever it is they need. Or
friends who join them in playing, the companion. That’s how shallow their understanding
in this is, merely because maturity isn’t kicking in already. They don’t experience things
much yet.

1
Ajmal, M. A., & Kobab, S. (2012). Perception of love in young adults. Pakistan Journal of
Social and Clinical Psychology, 10(1), 43-48.
 However, for adolescents, they start exploring and knowing things in deeper aspect
with sense. Although still somehow shallow, they have further perspective of the matter
more than just the family, friends, care and companion. With romantic relationships
emerging in this stage, they think about love as constant communication, trust for your
loved ones, attraction which drives you to be more into them and compatibility that you
believe that fits you together.

These were mistakenly understood as love, of people at this age, when in fact these
show infatuation. Being infatuated is being marked by a foolish or extravagant love or
admiration.2

For instance, they often think that constantly communicating makes everything
between relationships work, and losing it will cause problems, so they tend to give time
and effort for the people they love amidst other responsibilities they have to prioritize
more like school works and other things related to studies.

On the other hand, it is different within mid-life or adulthood. Since people at this
age have completely encountered things there is to encounter about love, they have the
deeper understanding of it. They already know how this works and they have the maturity
to understand the emotions they are feeling and how to manage and control it. They don’t
just think of it as something temporary but something permanent to treasure in life. They
knew further about love through experiences they underwent.

This development of perceptions just shows that love from the beginning isn’t the
same love you think of as one grew older. Their thinking about it changes and gains depth
as time passes by because of rough and circles of experiences and circumstances that
happened in the journey of knowing and unlocking what love really is in their lives.

In a journal article written by Kate Burke entitled “How our idea of love changes as we
get older”, she mentioned about the important qualities the younger and older groups look
for in a love. This contains the difference of how the two groups perceive love and the
particular growth happening within a mindset of a growing human.

1) Honesty was the most highly rated relationship success factor in the older adult
group, but was not identified by the younger adult group. Older adults defined
honesty as being ‘able to confide in one another in a truthful way’. Honesty is an
interesting concept as it involves self disclosure and risks putting an individual in a
vulnerable position, and yet the ability to disclose honestly in a mindful, trusting
and sensitive fashion can facilitate a deeper level of intimacy in the relationship.
2
Infatuation. (n.d.). Retrieved from Merriam-Webster online: http://www.merriam
webster.com/dictionary/infatuation
 Furthermore, self acceptance increases with age and that with age, people have a
stronger sense of their true self. It is possible that the older adult group were able to
draw on their broad experience and have come to recognize honesty as critical to
the long-term success of romantic relationships. In contrast, younger participants
valued trust and communication as fundamental drivers of relationship success.
Younger adults defined trust as being ‘able to rely on and be supportive of one
another’ and ‘to be faithful to one another’.

2) Interestingly, older adults also selected religion as one of the key elements of
successful romantic relationships. They believed that sharing religious beliefs and
attending church together provided a foundation for a successful relationship. This
element was not identified as important by the younger adult group.
2 3) Socializing was also highlighted as an important factor by the older adults. During
the group session, older adults highlighted that socializing encapsulated going out
as a couple, but also individually. However, younger adults emphasized the
importance of attraction and compatibility more.3

SUB-TOPIC 1 (Growth of love: The flow from distortion to mindset maturity)

As we physically grow older, our thoughts grow with us. We mature and perceive
things we discover and experience, clearer and deeper. Just as with love. From the
restricted and limited thoughts we had about the subject from when we are children, after
few years of development, we start exploring towards the way of knowing love, leading to
infatuation and sometimes, even misconceptions. We experience heartbreaks at this point
in time that cause fear on loving, later on.

Misunderstanding love and its demands is part of growing that will eventually lead
to knowing love, if solved successfully. First, they focus on the challenges and potential
failures of love, and consider love and sacrifice as a personal loss, rather than seeing loving
in its totality, with its sacrifices and fulfillments.

Moreover, our priority on self-gain and self-protection distorts our view of love,
emphasizing its “dangers” and building a defense against its demands. Sadly, most people
are undecided about whether or not they want to explore, they resist the natural

3 Burke, K. (2013). Column: How our idea of love changes as we get older. Thejounal.ie, 1, 1.
Retrieved February 3, 2019, from https://www.thejournal.ie/readme/column-how-
our-idea-of-love-changes-as-we-get-older-778493-Feb2013/
absorption into a life of love and all it entails. They elect to stay in a more childish position,
hoping to avoid the obligations of love.4

But that’s just how it goes. We learn things the hardest way, and difficulties would
take us to the right way of knowing truth. We misunderstood love but with the
determination of pursuing it through your own growth, truth will be unveiled.

When we are in touch with our heart, we naturally feel drawn by the dreams,
desires, and obligations of love. We hear the call of love—home calling us back home—and
we want to respond to it. To love and give is a joy so natural to the human heart because
loving is the only thing that actually produces real, lasting fulfillment.

Natural, speedy growth comes with challenges, inspirations, revelations, setbacks,

learning curves — all kinds of things — and it is full of life. If you look at any of those who
have embraced a life of love, you see this. It is not stagnant, and it is not overly painful. It is
delightful,
4 beautifully deepening, challenging, and in accordance with self-growth.

Without the growth in mindset, love would not last, just like without love and its
experiences, people will not grow as stable as they should be.

SUB-TOPIC 2 (Struggles of love: The process of loving as adults)

The process of growth and maturity in humans is called ‘adulthood’. One becomes
an adult when they experience physical and emotional changes. In psychology, the ability to
respond to the environment in an appropriate manner is maturity.

From teenager to adulthood is one of the most complicated and confusing process
an adolescent can experience. Yet, it is an important and exciting phase of life. Where you
can explore things and live independently.

Being an adult you can learn new things, learn deeper knowledge about everything
and time for 'to fell in love'. In this stage, you are prone to fell in love. Also, you'll know the
deeper meaning of love through your experiences.

When you reached adulthood you'll experience different circumstances in love.

Having a deeper understanding about love since you're mature enough.

Falling in love can be addictive. Also, love is unconditional.

Love
4
and spiritual growth. (n.d.). Retrieved February 3, 2019, from
http://cardsforliving.com/html/card-pages/loving-our-way-to-heaven.html
 Love is one of the most deep emotion known to human beings. There are different
kinds of love but most people seek for romantic relationship. That everyone knows love has
a happy ending. Love always has good times. When you met and love someone he's the one,
that was it.5

The love that is willing to devote time, attention, committed and understanding
results to a strong relationship. There's no individual who were perfect fit for each other
but the desire to truly understand each other, you will become that compatible pair.

One thing that remains true, there will always obstacles in love. Overcoming
temptations, fear, misunderstandings, assumption, disapproving parents and even in
maturity. Still, there's a failed relationship happen for many reasons and the failure of a
relationship is often a source to suffer pain and sadness.

As an adult love is not just a matter of feeling. It's the matter of circumstances, how
to overcome it. Many adults keep telling that timing is everything but circumstances
encompasses timing and personal development to make relationships flourish.

There are times in life that being in love is regardless. The circumstances have to be
right and properly solved. When you're mature enough to manage commitment and stable
enough to have the freedom to devote your time, attention and efforts.

SUB-TOPIC 3 (Unchained: The freedom to adventures of love)

Maturity and freedom are part of love. Knowing and exploring love is part of
freedom.6

Therefore, what is freedom?

Same questions were asked, it receives hundred of different answers because

everyone understand this phenomena in their own way.

Individuals born totally free and have the right to live freely. It was an innate right of
human, freedom. Spontaneity to live on their own choice and will not be dictated by people.
It is not something that can be touched or seen by everyone. However, freedom does not
have a definite meaning.

PsychologyToday.(2019).Relationships.Retrievedfromhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/
5

us/basics/relationships
6 Wikipedia.(2018,December).Maturity(psychological).Retrievedfromhttps://en.m.wikipedi
a.org/wiki/Maturity_(psychological)
 Freedom is to ensure respect and not just to live freely. Enjoying freedom does not
mean that they disregard the rights of others and live the way they want and feel right.
Therefore, individuals must consider the rights and feelings of people around them when
living their freedom.

When love is present and there is lack of freedom then that is not love. Love only
happens when there is presence of freedom. In that way, there's love. Love is freedom. Love
experiences freedom. Love gives you strength. Love gives you freedom.

Growing and freedom is part of love. Part of knowing and exploring love is having a
freedom.

Love is being free. People love to be free. People should have a freedom to love
openly. That you're free to show yourself. You have the freedom to choose. What you want,
live where you want, eat what you want, learn what you want. Yet, the love there can never
be possess.7

A man is free to love only to the extent that aren’t forced by guilt, shame or fear of
abandonment. When someone needs you and more likely to abuse you than to give you
support and love freely. Feel bad in any way for any reason, it's because needs aren't met.
Mistreating others, violating values, feeling bad because not doing what they want. Then it
doesn't show love, it signifies demand. The understanding of need falsely explains negative
experience.

They should weigh whatever the bad may it may do to others. People must be tactful
and careful to what they say as not to hurt other people's feelings. A child is free to be loved
and cared by his parents. Being captive, no one enjoys it. Being lockup in a dungeon, no one
wants it. As a prisoner and being out of the prison means freedom. To the teens, freedom to
hang out with friends.

Freedom is also about appreciating the beauty of nature and environment around
us. Different things on behalf of many diverse individual.

Love can't stand alone. Freedom can't stand alone. Freedom and love can stand and
go together. Love is giving freedom to others. Give the person total freedom and let
shackles vanish.

SUB-TOPIC 4 (Happiness that comes after the knowing love)

7Stosny,S.(2010,September13).Freedomtolove:Retrievedfromhttps://www.google.com/am

p/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anger-in-the-age-
entitlement/201009/freedom-love%3famp?espv=1
 As people grew older, their understanding about love becomes deeper. They knew
how love works and that love fills happiness in their hearts. How love really works and
matter. Individuals' happiness in life is being in love and being loved back.

According to Merriam-Webster’s Online Dictionary, happiness is a state of well-

being and contentment and a pleasurable or satisfying experience that every person
aspires to have. It comes in various forms and from different reasons. Sometimes because
of possession of material things you like to have, contentment in life, and even love despite
hindrances encountered.8

After the long process of knowing what it is, from the beginning – childhood up until
the almost end of understanding it – adulthood, along with the experiences are lessons
people learn that serve as guidelines in loving. And with those learning acquired,
understanding love and its nature deeply, are the reason of reaching the state of happiness.

People could possibly learned that to love is to be free, love comes with growing,
and maturity of adulthood brings acceptance of changes in love, making them realize the
right things to possess for a person to love and be loved fully, that lasts. That’s where
happiness will kick in after.

Most happiness experience comes from the feeling of love. Where love is enough to
provide happiness. Unlike for example, on your childhood love, you can't fully show it,
understand it or it does not work where material things exist on that. There's a different
ways that may define love but no matter which definition it is, you have the opportunity to
seek love and happiness.

Among all these, whichever way you find happiness, it is always accompanied by
love, for happiness is ultimately the love of life, the celebration of living. The mark of
happiness is that you were able to know what loving is, first.9

There are those who possess everything they claim to have wanted but still aren’t
happy. They think they can be happy yet indifferent, happy while independent. The truth is
the opposite: happiness requires gratitude and an acknowledgement of interdependence
with that which is around you. More wealth doesn’t make you happier; deeper and better
relations do.

8Happiness. (n.d.). Retrieved from Merriam-Webster online: http://www.merriam-

webster.com/dictionary/happiness
9Love and spiritual growth. (n.d.). Retrieved February 3, 2019, from
http://cardsforliving.com/html/card-pages/loving-our-way-to-heaven.html
 The places of happiness are infinite, the sources and learning never-ending. And you
inhabit those places not because they have been pursued but because you have opened
your heart and have allowed them in. You are now trusted to bring love with happiness to
others.10

It is therefore concluded that love is perceived differently by people basing from the
thinking they possess. Everybody has different experiences that may affect how one sees
love. It may depend to factors such as growing stage from childhood to adulthood, being
free at a certain point and obtaining the level of happiness.

Sharing love is probably the most valuable and meaningful experience a person can
ever have. Since the beginning, we were born at this place to give or to show love to each
other. We can develop it by several factors to attain the truth - the truthfulness about love.
Some consider it as a hindrance but as people grew older it may serve as guidelines to act
appropriately in such phenomena.

Finally, the researchers believe that the future will see a better understanding of
what may be the answer to the never changing question of what love is

10 Dobrin, A. (2012). Love and happiness: True happiness is the gentle pulling away from
yourself. Psychology Today. Retrieved February 3, 2019, from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/am-i-right/201208/love-and-
happiness
Bibliography
Ajmal, M. A., & Kobab, S. (2012). Perception of love in young adults. Pakistan Journal of
Social and Clinical Psychology, 10(1), 43-48.

Burke, K. (2013). Column: How our idea of love changes as we get older. Thejounal.ie, 1, 1.
Retrieved February 3, 2019, from https://www.thejournal.ie/readme/column-how-
our-idea-of-love-changes-as-we-get-older-778493-Feb2013/

Love and spiritual growth. (n.d.). Retrieved February 3, 2019, from

http://cardsforliving.com/html/card-pages/loving-our-way-to-heaven.html

Dobrin, A. (2012). Love and happiness: True happiness is the gentle pulling away from
yourself. Psychology Today. Retrieved February 3, 2019, from
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/am-i-right/201208/love-and-
happiness

Happiness. (n.d.). Retrieved from Merriam-Webster online: http://www.merriam-

webster.com/dictionary/happiness

Infatuation. (n.d.). Retrieved from Merriam-Webster online: http://www.merriam-

webster.com/dictionary/infatuation

PsychologyToday.(2019).Relationships.Retrievedfromhttps://www.psychologytoday.com/
us/basics/relationships

Stosny,S.(2010,September13).Freedomtolove:Retrievedfromhttps://www.google.com/amp
/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anger-in-the-age-
entitlement/201009/freedom-love%3famp?espv=1

Wikipedia.(2018,December).Maturity(psychological).Retrievedfromhttps://en.m.wikipedia
.org/wiki/Maturity_(psychological)