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BOOK TITLE : Walk of Shame (SOON TO BE PUBLISHED UNDER LIB)

BOOK AUTHOR : kissmyredlips
BOOK COVER URL : http://a.wattpad.com/cover/10385051.jpg
BOOK ID : 10385051
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BOOK SYNOPSIS/DESCRIPTION/AUTHOR's NOTE
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“Never trust a pretty girl with an ugly secret.” – Sara Shepard
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Walk of Shame

*******************************************
ATTENTION:

This story is completely from the writer's vague mind. Names, characters, places
are raw product of the writer's imagination. Any resemblance to actual people
living or dead, events, locales are pure coincidental.

This literary form does not reflect on the writer's lifestyle and beliefs. Some
statements aren't factual and some are just blunt opinions.

Copyright © 2013 kissmyredlips All Rights Reserved.

This will not contain any bed scenes. Although being open minded is a must.

Introduction

Nararamdaman ko nanaman ang panghihina ng katawan ko. My throat feels dry and I was
thirsty for something again. Pagpinatagal ko pa ang uhaw na nararamdaman ko, if I
don't quench this thirst, I'm sure tuluyan na akong manghihina. At pagtuluyan pa
akong nanghina, I'll soon be dead.

Tumingin ako sa gilid ko at may nakitang isang lalaki. Matangkad siya, maputi at
may itsura. Ang totoo, kahit sino naman pupwede pero sadyang choosy lang ako. Kung
gagawin ko lang rin naman ito, yung gwapo na pipiliin ko. I may be called a whore,
slut, but I'm not cheap.

"Hi, I'm Hedone. Do you want to kiss me?" pambungad na tanong ko dito at mukhang
nagulat naman siya sa biglang pagkausap ko sakanya. The shock on his face was
quickly replaced with a playful smirk.
"Thought you'd never ask." swabeng sagot nito sa akin at mabilis ko naman na
ipinulupot ang mga braso ko sa leeg niya. I didn't let a single second wasted. I
quickly slipped my tongue inside his mouth and he immediately groaned.

I can feel my energy slowly coming back to my body. Power is seeping right inside
my veins. It feels so good that I want more, I need more. I'm yearning for more.
But that's just it. I always long for more but I never considered satisfying my
cravings. I was tempted, but I know my limits. And I promised myself to never break
that limit. Never.

"Let's go somewhere private?" I huskily asked the guy and his face lightened up
faster than the fourth of July. I mentally snorted. Guys are such a pig. I slid my
hand to his and interlaced it with mine. Hinatak ko siya paalis sa bar. Balak ko
sana siyang hatakin papunta sa labas pero umiikot na ang paningin ko. I was getting
really weak kaya hinila ko nalang siya papunta sa restroom ng mga lalaki. Last time
that I brought a guy to the girl's restroom, I received a lot of nasty looks kaya
simula noon, sa banyo ng lalaki ko na sila lahat hinihila. We've only walk for a
short time but it was already wearing me out. Gosh, I promise not to let this
happen again. Nahihirapan lang lalo ako.

Nakarating na kami sa loob ng restroom. There's no one inside which is better. I

pushed him inside a vacant stall. I let him sit on the toilet bowl after closing
the lid. I straddled on his lap and started French kissing him.

I let my body control myself again. I didn't know what I was doing but it was a set
of choreographed moves that I've learned for the past few years. I've been doing it
for so long that it felt so casual to my body. It was like breathing, blinking, and
hearing. Voluntary movements that I didn't need to think if I should do it or not.

I heard him groan once again and I felt myself bursting with power again. I let
myself feel and enjoy whatever I was doing even though it disgusts the hell out of
me. I rubbed my center into his bulging erection and he hissed.

"Must. Have. You." he was having a hard time and his body is starting to get worked
out with the gratification. I can feel myself getting excited with the pleasure
that he'll be receiving. My body was cheering for his satisfaction. Umalis ako sa
pagkakandong sa kanya at binuksan ang pantalon na suot-suot niya, unzipping the
zipper on his pants. I sat down, licking my lips before doing my business. I gave
him the pleasure he needs as I greedily take what's mine.

*******************************************
The Rules

*******************************************
One
The Rules

There are exactly ten rules in my life that I promised to live by and never ever
break.

Rule #01: Take 'em and trash 'em.

Rule #02: Get but never give.

I've lived for exactly-(I took note of how I paused to count the unforgotten years)
five years but I never once broke those two rules. Lahat ng kailangang baliin,
babaliin ko maliban lang sa dalawang rules na yan. I've always complied with it.
It's like my very own set of personalized laws. Bukod sa dalawang panunahing rules
na yon, may iba rin akong rules na ginawa para sundin but it wasn't something major
like the first two rules.

Rule #03: Never do them twice. And that's only because it makes me sick. Literally.
Plus, nanghihina rin ako sa presence nila so that means I'll be breaking my second
rule about taking but never giving.

Another example of my rules is Rule #04: Ignoring the bitches. Because of my

interesting lifestyle, I can't say that I have a wonderful image. Maraming may
galit sakin at nandidiri sa way of living ko kaya kadikit niyan ang Rule #05: Don't
ever worry about pleasing anybody. Well-at least emotional-wise, that is.

And last night, I accidentally broke one of my rules. Rule #06: Never do someone
who's in a relationship. So now, I'm currently facing the fury of a woman scorned.
Worse, anak pa ng presidente ng University na pinapasukan ko. Tingnan mo nga naman
balik ng karma 'no?

"I've always heard you were a whore, I just wasn't sure if it was true." nginisian
ko naman ang babae na nasa harapan ko. Rule #07: Never be ashamed of yourself. Kung
ikakahiya ko ang sarili ko, sino nalang ang magmamahal sakin diba?
"I guess your prayers were answered." biglang nagbago ang mataray na mukha ng babae
sa sinagot ko sakanya. She made a face and I tried my best not to laugh at how
ridiculous she looked.

"Y-You witch!!" I kept my smirk.

"Ah, but your boyfriend may beg to differ. He said I was a Goddess." nakita ko ang
pagtutubig ng mga mata niya. She's about to cry. Shit. Sumomra ba ako masyado? I
may be called a whore, slut and a bitch but I'm never fond of hurting anyone. It's
my Rule #08: Never start a fight, end one. So unless I feel like I'm being
bothered, hindi ako umiimik o lumalaban. I sighed. "Look here, I don't really do
guys who are in a relationship."

"But you just did!!" she shrieked at me, tears falling down her face.

"Yes, I think I just did-but here's the catch, hindi ko naman alam na may
girlfriend pala yun. Kasalanan ko ba na wala siyang sinabi?"

"It doesn't change the fact that you slept with him." my mouth dropped. Slept with
him? Gusto kong matawa. Slept with him? Eh sa banyo nga lang namin ginawa yun!
After taking what I want, iniwan ko na siya agad. Yun ay kung yung lalaki na iyon
ang tinutukoy nitong babaeng nasa harap ko. I've been with different guys so hindi
ko alam kung sino ang tinutukoy niya. It's not like I know the names of every guy
that I've been with.

I didn't bother correcting her.

"Ano ba gusto mong marinig sakin? Sorry? Fine, sorry. Okay na ba?" I was getting
annoyed of her presence. Bakit ba ako nagpapaliwanag sa babaeng 'to?

"May mangyayari ba sa pagso-sorry mo ha? Mababalik ba yung relasyon namin ng

boyfriend ko pagtinanggap ko yang sorry mo? Sasaya ba ako sa sorry mo? Dapat ba
akong matuwa sa sorry mo?"

"Pag ba sinagot ko yang mga tanong mo, titigilan mo na ako?" she gritted her teeth.
"Ang kapal talaga ng mukha mo. Hindi ka man lang nahiya, kahit kaunti?" the thing
is, I've always been disgusted of myself. Nandidiri at nahihiya ako sa mga ginagawa
ko but I wouldn't tell them that. Pagsinabi ko yun, para ko naring sinabi sa
kalaban ko kung saan ako dapat saksakin.

"Sa mukha mo nga hindi ka nahiya, sa ginawa ko pa kaya?" she gasped and a slap
landed across my face. My face tilted and I didn't bother straightening my face. I
just smirked. Nagsalita siya ulit.

"You could have just said you were sorry. You could have just at least pretended
that you didn't mean to do it. Pero ano? May gana ka pang magmalaki." umiling-iling
sakin ang babae. "And because of that, I'm going to make sure that you'll be kicked
out of this University so I'll never get to see your slutty face again!! Mark. My.
Word." and I did actually mark her word. Iniwan niya ako sa loob ng girl's
restroom. My face was still face to the right from the slap that the girl just gave
me. Ang sakit niya sumampal ha.

Umiling-iling ako at humarap sa salamin, comforting my cheek with my hand. Namumula

ito at medyo may bakat pa ng kamay. Napatawa ako sa sariling repleksyon ko sa
salamin. It was an empty and sad laugh. Tumawa ako hanggang sa mapalitan ito ng mga
luha. I cried and let the unwanted tears to fall freely on my cheeks.

I wish I could change everything. I wish I could stop everything from happening but
I can't. May mga bagay lang talaga na hindi mo pwedeng makuha kahit gustong-gusto
mo pa. I wiped my tears off my face, afraid that anyone will bolt inside the
restroom and see me crying.

Rule #09: Never let anyone see your weak side. Pagpinakita mo sa kahit na sino ang
kahinaan mo, maari na nilang gamitin iyon laban sa'yo. I couldn't let anyone give
the delight of seeing me tearing down. Ayaw ko ng umiiyak. Wala naman kasing
nangyayari. Nakadikit na sa akin ang bagay na ito panghabang-buhay at kahit anong
gawin ko, hinding-hindi ko na iyon mababago.

"You can't just transfer her to a different University without any valid reason!
Her record is clean and she's a scholar for God's sake!!" sigaw ni Dads sa
presidente ng University.

Isang araw pagkatapos akong makausap nung babaeng hanggang ngayon hindi ko alam ang
pangalan, pinatawag agad ako sa office. Binigyan nila ako ng permit to transfer.
Hindi na ako nagdemand ng kahit na ano kahit alam kong mali ang gagawin sakin dahil
ayaw ko na ng kahit anong gulo. It doesn't matter if I transfer or not, wala namang
magbabago. Plus, it'll be fun. Maraming bagong putahe akong puwedeng tikman kapag
lumipat ako.

"Think of it as an exchange student program Mr. Zaragosa. The University that I

recommended can offer a better education for Ms. Zaragosa's course. I also helped
with the full scholarship since Ms. Zaragosa is academically remarkable."

"I know how your University stands when it comes to giving better education Mr.
President. I just don't like the fact that you're making my daughter transfer to a
University without any valid reason." masungit na sagot ni Dads dito. Gusto kong
mapangiti sa pormal na pagtrashtalk ni Dads sa Presidente ng University pero
ikinimkim ko nalang iyon.

"Mr. Zaragosa, I will not sit here just to allow you insult this University. The
decision has been made by the whole board and I'm afraid there's nothing more to
discuss. So if you could just leave, I'd appreciate it." napatingin ako kay Dads at
nakita ko ang pagtiim ng bagang niya. Magsasalita pa sana ito pero pinigilan ko
siya agad.

"Dads, come on. You know it's not worth it. I can just transfer. This University is
trash anyway." I shrugged at my father. Tumingin ako sa President at nakita ko kung
paano ako sinamaan ng tingin nito. "No offense po. I'm just invoking my rights for
freedom of expression." The president's lips pursed into a thin line.

"Of course." Tumayo ako at lumakad na papalabas ng office. Lumingon ako para
tingnan kung nakasunod sakin si Dads pero nakipag-eye to eye pa siya sa Presidente
bago sumunod sa akin papalabas ng opisina.

Walang nagsalita saming dalawa nang makalabas kami ng University. Pareho kaming
tahimik sa buong byahe and I feel a little guilty for putting him into trouble.
Hindi ko maiwasan mapasimangot.

"Dads, sorry."

"Wala kang ginawa Aki. Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sa'yo na wag kang hihingi ng
tawad sa bagay na wala ka namang kasalanan?"

"I-" umiling-iling si Dads.

"Hindi mo kailangan magpaliwanag. Alam kong mabuti kang bata Aki. Alam mo ang tama
at mali. Sapat na yon sa akin." I bit my lip. Rule #09. Huminga ako ng malalim bago
tumango at ngumiti kay Dads.

Nang makarating kami sa bahay, dumeretso agad ako sa kwarto ko para makapagpahinga.
Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko at sinubukan kontrolin ang lakas na nasa katawan ko. Sa
sobrang emotional stress ko, nararamdaman ko na nababawasan ang lakas na inipon ko
na pang-isang linggo. I don't think I'll last for a week. I cursed.

Masyado ba akong distracted kaya hindi ko na-control ang sarili ko? That's absurd
though. Isang araw lang naman ang lumipas. Pinakiramdaman ko ang pagtibok ng puso
ko. Normal naman ito. Siguro sobrang pagod lang ako kaya napaghahalo ko na ang mga
bagay-bagay. Biglang may kumatok sa pinto ng kwarto ko kaya bigla naman akong
napabagon.

"Akiko?"

"Oh, Moms. May kailangan ka?" sumilip si Moms sa pintuan at matapos ay nakangiting
pumasok sa loob ng kwarto ko.

"Nasabi na sakin ng Dads mo ang nangyari kanina. Okay ka lang ba?" mabilis naman
akong napangiti.

"Sobra Moms. I'm actually glad na lilipat na ako ng University. Kaya lang naman ako
hindi maka-angal kasi ayaw kong mababoy ang transcript ko. Kaya I can't say na lugi
ako." nagkibit balikat ako kay Moms. Marahan na ngumiti siya sakin at matapos ay
umupo sa tabi ko.

Hinawakan niya ang buhok ko at marahan na hinimas ito. "Kailan ka naman daw
makakapasok sa East West University?"

"Actually, I'll be going there tomorrow para malaman ang schedule ko."

"How do you feel?" tanong sakin ni Moms at napangiti nalang ako ulit.

"Excited." I smirked and Moms gave me a very enthusiastic grin. Hindi ako
nagsisinungaling kay Moms nung sinabi ko na excited ako para lumipat. I don't
really feel bad for transferring.

Ang totoo nga niyan, thankful pa ako dun sa babaeng yon at sa uto-uto niyang tatay
dahil tinulungan nila akong makalipat sa magandang University. I don't know why I
enrolled in their University in the first place.

Katulad ng sinabi ko kay Moms, ngayon ang punta ko sa bagong University na

papasukan ko. Another reason to be excited about going into East West ay dahil sa
best friend ko, si Chase.

He studies there. And no, I have never done it with him dahil nga buddy-buddy lang
kami. I can take what I what from him pero pagginawa ko yon, hindi na kami pwedeng
magsama. Like what I said, I feel sick being around with the people who I do so
that will never happen between us. We already set our limits. I already told him
about my limits and he understood, never judged me for it and despite of that, he
still loved me.

Hiniram ko ang kotse ni Dads para pumunta sa East West. Alam ko na pumunta doon
dahil bumisita na ako minsan kay Chase. Meron na din akong naging conquests mula sa
University na yon, and malapit-lapit lang din siya from our house.

Pagkalabas ko ng sasakyan, isinuot ko ang rayban shades ko at confident na lumakad

sa loob ng campus. Pinagtinginan ako ng ilang tao, but that's normal. Sanay na ako
na nililingon ng mga tao. Parte yon ng pagiging maganda.

Natanong ko na sa guard kanina ang direksyon papunta sa student's affair office

kaya hindi na ako naligaw. Pumasok ako sa loob ng office. Mabilis naman saking
nabigay ang puting papel kung saan nakalagay kung saan ako magpapakuha ng I.D
picture. Kung saan ako bibili ng P.E at school uniform. Ibinigay narin sakin ang
schedule ko.

Wala na akong kailangan pang-asikasuhin dahil ginawa na iyon lahat sakin ng dating
University na pinapasukan ko. I thanked the girl who assisted me and she welcomed
me. Palabas ako nang pinto pero may nakaharang sa door way. I can't help but to
grimace.

"Excuse me." I tried to say pero mukhang hindi nila ako narinig. They were silently
squealing (if that's even possible) about something. Napasimangot ako.

"Pwede ba kakong makiraan?" nilakasan ko na ang boses ko. Sa sobrang lakas, bigla
silang napatahimik lahat. Napatingin silang lahat sa akin at mukhang nagulat sa
presence ko.

Ngumisi ako. "Can you guys move out of the way? Nakaharang kasi kayo sa dadaanan ko
eh." malambing na sabi ko sa mga ito. They all openly sneered at me. Yung iba naman
walang reaksyon, kaya baka lumalabas yung pagiging backstabber nila.

Hindi naman na ako nagsalita pa since nagmake way naman na sila para sa akin. I
gave them another genuine smile and genuinely said my thank you. Para akong may
alter ego, mukha akong tanga. Hindi pa ako nakaka-limang step ay biglang may
nakakuha ng atensyon ko.

Isang lalaki mula sa di kalayuan ang nakatingin sa kinatatayuan ko. He was tall,
menacingly handsome with gray piercing eyes. Matangos ang ilong nito at kitang-kita
ang pinkish lips niya mula dito. His face was perfectly sculpted that it hurts to
look at him with my bare eyes. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin. He was looking at me
from head to toe. Probably checking me out. I let out a smirk. Isinuot ko ang
rayban shades ko, tinalikuran ito at nagsimula ng lumakad paalis. Umalis ako sa New
West University ng may dalawang bagay na nakatatak sa isipan ko. First, he was the
most handsome male that I have ever seen in my entire existence.

And second, Rule #10: Never fall in love.

*******************************************
Sed

*******************************************

Two
Sed

Wala pang one week pero nararamdaman ko na ulit ang pagka-uhaw ko. I sighed. I
guess I need to feed my cravings again. My body system is really malfunctioning
right now. Hindi naman ako ganito kabilis manghina dati. In fact, napapatagal ko
ang body resistance ko for a week and a half. Napahawak ako sa ulo ko. This is
really not good. Something is wrong with me. I can feel it.

I texted Mams na uuwi ako ng late mamaya. I'll be going out tonight. The usual
place. Naglalakad ako pabalik ng room nang makakita ako ng isang lalaki. Chinito,
tan skin, red cheeks and lovely lips. My throat suddenly became dry and I licked my
lips. Lalapit na sana ako pero biglang may biglang babaeng lumapit dun sa lalaki at
niyakap ito. I clenched my teeth. Paasa lang. Sana lahat ng lalaki may nakasabit na
sign na 'in a relationship' para malaman ko kung sino dapat kong landiin sa hindi.
I already paid for what I did last time, and I can't afford transferring again
dahil lang sa pagkakamali kong yon. I may be desperate sometimes, but I'm not that
desperate.
Dumeretso nalang ako sa susunod na klase ko. Pagkarating ko sa room, napatingin sa
akin ang lahat ng tao sa loob. I was expecting them to look away pero nanatili ang
tingin nila sakin. I frowned and looked behind me pero wala naman ibang tao kaya
ako nga ang tinitingnan nila. I can't say that I'm not used to it though. Lagi nila
ako tinitingnan and I bet may mga bulung-bulungan na namumuo ngayon d'yan. Kahit
naman kasi ako pumunta, nakadikit na sakin ang bagay na yon. It's something that I
want to run away from but I can't. How can someone run away from their selves?

I mentally breathe in and out bago nagpatuloy sa paglalakad. Dumeretso ako sa usual
na inuupuan ko kapag eto ang klase ko. At katulad ng nakagawian ko, napatingin ako
doon sa upuan na lagi kong tinitingnan pag pumapasok ako sa room na ito. Yung
lalaki na sobrang pinagpala sa kagwapuhan. Si Sedrick Saavedra. Nakatingin lang
siya sa akin pero hindi ko mabasa ang nasa isip niya. His face was so impassive
that it sends me chills.

Katulad din ng naka-gawian, siya ang unang umiwas ng tingin. Ang gwapo niya talaga
tingnan kahit side profile lang. Kitang-kita ko mula dito ang matigas na panga
niya, pati narin yung matangos na ilong niya. He frowned and then looked at me
again. Tinaasan ako nito ng kilay. Kung kanina walang emosyon ang mukha niya,
ngayon parang inis na inis na siya. He was staring at me like he was disgusted of
how I was staring at him. Inismiran ko siya at matapos ay inirapan. Gwapo lang
siya. Maraming ibang lalaki diyan-hindi nga lang kasing gwapo niya.

Blockmate ko si Sedrick na mas kilala as Sed sa tatlong subjects. Iba't ibang araw.
Aaminin ko, pagnakikita ko siya-medyo nanghihina ako. It was like my body is
shouting to give him all the pleasure that he wants. The thought of satisfying him
sounds pleasing to my ears. I've never been delighted in pleasing anyone physically
and emotionally. Rule # 05. And yet, heto ako at gusto ko siyang matuwa sa akin. It
was a stupid thought since it's one of my two major rules, to get but never give
kaya inaalis ko nalang sa isipan ko ang mga walang kwentang bagay.

"Ah, hi." bigla akong napatingala nang may biglang bumati sa akin. Isang babaeng
tisay at may petite na katawan. May cute itong mukha at aura na sobrang masiyahin.
Tumaas ang kilay ko sakanya.

"Hi?" tumingin ako sa paligid at napansin na may iilan na nakatingin sa amin.

Ngumiti sa akin yung babae at inilahad ang kamay niya.

"Ako si Sasha." hindi parin naalis ang pagsuspetsa ko sakanya. Dahan-dahan kong
inabot ang kamay ko sakanya.

"I'm A-"

"Akiko Hedone Zaragosa! I know. Sobrang pinag-uusapan ka sa college natin. Pwedeng

maki-upo? Thanks." hindi pa ako nakakasagot ay umupo na siya agad at inayos ang mga
gamit niya sa desk ng upuan. "Anyway, halos magkaklase tayo sa lahat ng subjects at
napansin ko na wala kang kasama kaya-"

"Pinag-uusapan ako?" I cut her off. Ngumiti siya sakin at tumango ng sobra.

"Oo, halos lahat ng civil engineering students bukang bibig ang pangalan mo these
past few days. Ang dami nilang sinasabi tungkol sa'yo." naramdaman ko na umiikot
ang tyan ko.

"And what exactly are they talking about?" her expression dropped at parang namutla
siya bigla sa tanong ko.

"Oh. Uhm. Some means things that people shouldn't say to other people." bigla akong
napatawa sakanya.

"You heard nasty and juicy things about me, and yet you want to be my friend?"
nakangiting tanong ko dito.

"There are two sides to ever coin." she shrugged. "Ang cassette tapes nga, may side
A at side B. Ang mga kwento pa kaya."

"Well, what if I confirm that there's no side B? Na puro side A lang talaga?" Sasha
just genuinely smiled at me.

"Babasahin ko yung lyrics. Just in case may hindi ako naintindihan." I felt myself
smiling back at her.

"Are you sure you want to be my friend?" tanong ko dito at biglang lumawak ang
ngiti niya.

"Very." akala ko mapapayakap na siya sakin sa sobrang laki ng ngiti niya, buti
nalang at dumating yung professor namin.

The class was dismissed at lunch break ko na. Two hours and lunch break ko kaya
matagal-tagal pa bago matapos ang araw na ito. Last class na ang susunod na klase
ko at for two hours lang yon. Pagkatapos ng klase ay hihintayin ko si Chase dahil
may usapan kami na lalabas kami ngayong araw. Busy kasi siya sa pagiging isang
Culinary Arts student kaya hindi siya nakahanap ng oras para sakin nitong mga
nakaraang araw. Sobrang bait niyang best friend 'no?
"Hindi ako makakasabay sayo maglunch today ha?" inayos ko yung bag ko at isinukbit
sa braso ko.

"Bakit naman?" tanong ko kay Sasha.

"May tatapusin pa akong report na isu-submit next class eh. Bukas nalang! Treat
kita promise."

Tinaasan ko naman siya ng kilay at ngumiti. "Okay, see you tomorrow." nakipagbeso-
beso siya sakin which caught me off guard pero napatawa nalang ako. Umalis na si
Sasha at dumeretso naman ako sa cafeteria para makabili na ng pagkain.

Pagkapasok ko palang sa canteen, bulungan agad ang tumambad sa akin. For what it
seemed like the hundred and third time, I mentally sighed. Pumasok ako sa loob.
Hindi na ako kumain ng rice at bumili nalang ng lasagna na nasa box. Bumili narin
ako ng milk shake. Dala-dala ko ang maliit na tray kung saan nakalagay yung heated
lasagna ko. Naghahanap ako ng table na available pero mukhang wala naman. Lalakad
sana ako sa table na occupied na pero may isa pang vacant na upuan kaso nakita nung
babae ang balak ko na paglapit at mabilis na nilagay yung bag niya.

I stopped on my tracks and clenched my jaw. I bit my lips and looked at the
ceiling, blew air with my mouth. I guess my presence is unwanted here on the
cafeteria. I frowned. Nilapag ko ang tray sa counter at dinala ang box ng lasagna
ko kasama ang shake na binili ko.

Lumakad na ako palabas ng caf pero biglang may bumunggo sakin. Naramdaman ko ang
pag buhos ng malamig na liquid sa mukha ko. Bigla ring tumahimik ang buong
cafeteria sa nangyari.

"Oh. My. God. I'm sorry!" pinunasan ko ang mukha ko gamit ang braso ko since
occupied ang pareho kong kamay. Tumingin ako doon sa babae and I can see how
insincere she was. "Hindi ka kasi tumitingin sa dinadaanan mo eh. Sorry ha."
sarcasm was dripping in her voice. Ngumisi ako.

Inangat ko ang shake na hawak ko at ibinuhos ito sa mukha niya. She gasped and that
reaction was enough. "Oh. My. God. I'm sorry!" ginaya ko ang way ng pagkakasabi
niya. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya.

"You-" I pouted.
"Bakit? Gusto mo yung lasagna din? O, eto." mabilis ko itong binuksan at ibinuhos
sa ulo niya. She gasped louder. I tilted my head to the left and smiled.

"Mukha kasing hindi ka pinapakain ng magulang mo eh. Sorry ha." I sarcastically

retorted. Nanlalaki ang butas ng ilong na tumingin sakin ang babaeng may malakas na
loob na banggain ako. Kitang-kita sa mukha niya ang galit at pagkagulat. Akala
siguro niya hindi ako gaganti? Hindi purket hindi ako pumapalag sa mga bulong-
bulungan nila, hindi ibig sabihin papalampasin ko nalang ang ganitong bagay.

"Pokpok ka talaga!!" susugurin sana ako ng babae pero biglang may humila sa pulso
ko na ikinagulat ko naman. Handang-handa na ako makipag-away. I was just waiting
for her to make the first blow. I'm just following my eighth rule. Hindi ko kilala
ang lalaking biglang humila sa akin. Wala naman ako kilalang lalaki dito maliban
kay Chase. At siguradong-sigurado ako na hindi si Chase ang lalaking ito.

Bigla niya akong binatawan nang makarating kami sa tapat ng mga lockers. Nanatiling
malaki ang mga mata ko at nandidilat sakanya. Nakatalikod parin siya sa akin
hanggang ngayon dahil may kinukuha siya sa isang locker. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko
parin siya kilala at hindi ko alam kung bakit niya ako hinila.

"Bakit mo ako dinala dito?" mataray na tanong ko sa lalake.

Bigla siyang humarap sakin at tumambad ang blangkong mukha niya. My bitchy gesture
was wiped off my face when I saw the guy who just pulled me.

"Sed." I murmured. Tinitigan niya ako at parang may gustong sabihin pero nagbuntong
hininga nalang siya.

Tumalikod siya ulit at may kinuhang paper bag sa loob ng locker. Mabilis na isinara
niya iyon at matapos ay hinila ulit ako sa pulso. Hindi naman ako nakapagreact agad
dahil hinila niya ako papasok sa banyo ng mga lalake. Not that I mind. Ilang beses
na ako nakakapasok sa banyo ng lalake, wala naman gaanong pinagkaiba.

Walang tao sa loob nang makarating kami doon. Patuloy akong hinila ni Sed at
matapos ay isinandal sa lababo malapit sa salaminan. Kumuha siya ng tissue mula sa
dispenser at pagkatapos ay nagsimulang punasan ang mukha ko.

My eyes widened. Sinubukan kong ilayo ang mukha ko at itulak siya palayo. "W-What
are you doing?!" tanong ko dito. Ikinunot niya lang ang noo niya at pagkatapos ay
napakamot sa ulo. It was obvious that he's getting frustrated.
Hinawakan niya ako sa ilalim ng kili-kili ko na ikinagulat ko naman, akala ko kung
anong gagawin niya sakin-binuhat lang pala ako para umupo sa lababo.

Sinimulan niya ulit ang pagpunas sa mukha ko at atomatikong umiwas naman ako. "Be.
Still." yun ang first two words na sinabi niya sakin. I was speechless and openly
staring at him after saying those two words. Never ko siya narinig magsalita since
never ko naman siyang nakausap. His voice sounded amazing. And damn me if I'm not
charmed by him right now.

Nakatitig lang ako sa gwapong mukha niya. Mukhang concentrated siya sa pagpunas ng
milkshake mula sa mukha ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit buhay pa ako ngayon at
humihinga dahil feeling ko, mamamatay na ako sa sobrang lapit ng mukha niya sa
akin. Ngayon lang nangyari sakin ang bagay na yon. Naramdaman ko ang pagtibok ng
puso ko at napapapikit-pikit naman ako.

"You should have just ignored her." I was snapped out of my thoughts at the mention
of a certain pronoun. Napataas ang kilay ko.

"You know that bitch?" he huffed.

"I don't but I heard how she planned to do it."

"Gives me more reason to fight back." I shrugged.

"It doesn't. Just because she did something awful to you doesn't give you a free
pass to do the same." I gritted my teeth as she next wiped my ears.

"I just gave her what she deserves. She started it after all, tinatapos ko lang."

"Natapos ba?" napatameme ako sa biglaang pagtagalog niya. First two tagalog words
and he sounded like an angel who fell from the sky.

"Excuse me?" I managed to say as soon as I recovered.

"If I didn't intervene, do you think what you did will end anything?"

"Eventually." I murmured. Hindi siya sumagot at agad naman akong natauhan sa

pangingielam na ginawa niya. "Bakit ka ba nangingialam? Hindi naman tayo close."

"No. We're not. I just don't like it when people like you ruin the essence of the
cafeteria." tumigil siya sa paglilinis sa akin at matapos ay itinapon ang tissue
paper sa malapit na basurahan. People like me? Did he just say people like me?

Magsasalita pa sana ako para tanungin kung anong ibig sabihin ng People like me
niya pero hindi ko na ito naituloy dahil bigla nagpatuloy siya sa pagsasalita niya.
"Wear this. Hindi magandang tingnan ang naglalakad ng may maruming damit. Masakit
sa mata." may hinagis siya sa akin na paper bag na kinuha niya sa locker kani-
kanina lang. Sinapo ko naman ito agad at hindi pa ako nakakapagsalita ay umalis na
agad siya sa restroom.

Iniwan ako ni Sed na nakanganga sa ginawa niya. Si Sed ba talaga yon? I blinked a
few times to let whatever happened sink in. Umiling-iling ako at tiningnan ang
paper bag na hinagis niya sa akin.

"Jacket?" my forehead creased as I brought it out. Medyo may kalakihan pero kaya ko
namang dalhin. Nakalagay ang pangalan ng University sa harapan at may apelido naman
niya sa likod. Nakalagay din dito ang Number 14. University basketball varsity
jacket? Basketball player siya?

Hindi ko alam kung anong pumasok ko at inamoy ko ang jacket niya. Napapikit ako at
napangiti sa mabangong amoy na nalanghap ko. Biglang pumasok sa isipan ko ang mukha
ni Sed at nagulat ako sa sariling pagtibok ng puso ko. Napadilat ako at napatayo
mula sa kinauupuan kong sink.

What the actual hell?

*******************************************
Shame

*******************************************

Three
Shame

Nakita ko si Chase sa main gate na parang lumilinga-linga at may hinahanap.

Napangiti naman ako habang ine-enjoy ang ka-gwapuhan ng Best Buddy ko. Hanggang
ngayon ay wala parin itong kupas. Gwapo
nitong nakaraang mga buwan dahil pareho
Madalas ay sa phone lang kami nag-uusap
Ngayon na nasa iisang University nalang
well, as long as vacant namin.
parin. Hindi na kami gaanong nagkikita
kaming busy sa pagiging third year college.
tuwing gabi o nagte-text tuwing araw.
kami, pupwede na kaming magkita anytime-

"Chase!!" I yelled his name, not caring if people will turn their heads and gawk at
me. Mabilis na lumingon sakin si Chase at lumawak bigla ang ngiti sa mga labi niya.
Pero mabilis itong napalitan ng simangot. At hindi ko alam kung bakit. Lumapit siya
sa akin at tumayo naman ako, my happiness is still unwavering when I finally hugged
him.

"BB! Gosh! Namiss kita ng super." sabi ko dito habang yakap-yakap siya ng mahigpit.
Niyakap niya ako pero parang hindi naman bukal sa loob niya.

"Ano nanaman yang suot mo?" ismid nito sa akin at napahiwalay naman ako agad
sakanya. Napatingin ako sa jacket na suot-suot ko at napabalik ng tingin sakanya.
Nagclick bigla sa utak ko kung bakit siya biglang sumimangot. Siguro akala niya-I
frowned.

Tinulak ko si Chase at binatukan ito.

"Ang green minded mo! Purke may suot akong jacket ng iba, yun agad?"

He gaped at me. "Ang aga kasi masyado." alam ni Chase ang ginagawa ko sa buhay ko.
Tanggap niya ako. Naiintindihan niya kung bakit ko ginagawa yon sa sarili ko.

Bago pa kami magkakakilala nitong si Chase, inaya ko siyang halikan ako. Nagulat
siya sa sinabi ko at binasted naman ako ng loko. Hindi naman kasi halata sa itsura
niya na conservative siya. Pinagalitan niya ako at hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba
ako o maiinis dahil hindi effective sakanya ang charm ko. Two years na simula ang
mangyaring pagtanggi niya sakin at dahil sa pagpapakita niya ng respeto sakin,
naging best buddy ko na siya ever since.

"Hindi pa naman ako uhaw dun masyado. Mamaya pa. May bumuhos sakin ng shake kanina,
pinahiram lang ata sakin." lumakad si Chase papuntang likuran ko para tingnan ang
apelidong nakasulat doon.

"Si Saavedra?" parang gulat na gulat na tanong nito.

"Oo. Kaklase ko siya sa tatlong subjects. Bigla akong hinatak nung akmang
sasampalin na ako nung malditang babaeng yon. Anyway, hindi siya palasalita 'no?
Minsan lang pag gustong manlait."

Biglang nangitim ang mga mata ni Chase. "Anong sinabi niya sa'yo?"

Pinisil ko ang pisngi ng BB ko at ngumiti. "Protective masyado ang BB ko. Wala

naman, pinagsabihan lang ako na wag daw babuyin ang essence ng cafeteria." I made a
face and Chase just shook his head. "Bakit ba natin siya pinag-uusapan? Nililinlang
mo ko ha. Hindi ko pa nakakalimutan yung promise mong libre sa akin!!" biglang
napalitan ang nakasimbakol na mukha ni Chase at ngumiti siya sakin. Ginulo niya ang
buhok ko bago akbayan.

"Tara na nga!"

Pumunta kami ni Chase sa seaside katulad ng nakagawian namin. It was two years ago
when Chase brought me here to comfort me. Naalala ko yung gabing yon. Yung gabi na
malungkot ako dahil sa isang bagay na ayaw ko ng balikan. I scowled. Naramdaman ko
ang pagbatok na ginawa sa akin ni Chase kaya napatingin naman ako sakanya.

"Lakas natin mambatok ah." angal ko dito sabay himas sa part na binatukan niya.

"Iniisip mo nanaman yon 'no?" pang-aakusa nito at napatawa ako.

"Hindi ah." umiling-iling sa akin si Chase.

"Aki, you do know that I know when you're lying right?"

"Buti nalang hindi ako nagsisinungaling ngayon." ngumiti ako ng malawak at umiling-
iling nalang sakin si BB. Ibinalik ko ang atensyon ko sa palubog na araw, drinking
in the wonderful sight of sunset. I'll never get tired of watching this with my
best bud.

"Hunting ka mamaya?" casual na tanong nito sa akin at tumango ako.

"Yep. May alam ka bang magandang club?" hindi ko siya inaya na samahan ako. I
prefer going out alone when I'm on a mission. I've tried once and I ended up doing
no one dahil hinatak ako agad ni Chase para umuwi, bigla daw kasing sumama ang
pakiramdam niya. Which I doubted. Hindi man niya inaamin, hindi niya lang talaga
ako kayang panoorin in flesh. Hearing about my conquests gives him nightmares,
paano pa kaya kung makita niya ako in action diba?

"Yung malapit sa University. Marami laging tao don. Maganda yung club, napasyal ako
at may mga lalake naman na papasa na sa taste mo." he did a quoting gesture with
his fingers and I grinned.

"Can't wait." ngumiti ako dito at inirapan nalang niya ako.

Tinulungan ako ni Chase mamili ng damit na isusuot mamaya. I don't wear dress when
going out for a mission. Madali kasi siya masyadong mahubad. They can easily hitch
it up and slide in. Katulad ng usual, I wore super tight, black denim skinny jeans.
I matched the bottom with a jen's pirate booty chacha white tube top na hanggang
itaas na bahagi lang ng bellybutton ko. The ruffles in front made an illusion,
enlarging my breasts (not that it's not big enough) and display a good amount of
cleavage.

Chase loves me so much that he even bought me a fuck me shoes. It's on sale so I
can't say that it's expensive. Inihatid niya narin ako sa club na tinutukoy niya.
The club's name is Can't Handle Me. Tinaasan ako ng kilay ni Chase nung lumabas
siya para ihatid ako sa harapan ng club.

"Be careful." sabi nito sa akin at napangisi na ako.

"Kailan ba ako hindi nag-ingat?" he just grunted and moved closer to give me a hug
and a kiss on the top of my head.

Hinintay kong makaalis si Chase bago ako tuluyan pumasok sa loob ng club. I'm close
to being twenty-one so no one asks for my ID anymore. And I hardly look like a
teenager because of the way I dress and act. Don't forget about how thick my make
up was. But really, I've been clubbing since I was sixteen and I never got caught.
Ever. To be honest, the bouncers hardly even care if you're a minor as long as you
got boobs and you're good enough to screw.

I tapped the table, looking around as I waited for the bartender to assist me. The
whole club looks terrific. One of the coolest club that I've been so far. The dance
floor has pavement power light ups which looked amazing in the dark. Yung strobe
lights lang ang dahilan kung bakit nagkakakitaan parin sa loob. It was big enough
to hold a large crowd. May second floor pa para sa mga gusto lang uminom. The bar
looks fantastic too. Everything looks expensive. Even the DJ's booth. Napangiti
nalang ako sa mga taong nagsasayaw sa gitna ng dancefloor. I plan to dance my way
to success once I spot on someone gullible enough to seduce. This time, tatanungin
ko muna kung single. I can't afford to break another rule. Masakit kayang masampal.

"What can I get you?" the bartender was hot. Definitely not a Filipino. Lahat naman
ng napuntahan kong club, kadalasan ng bartender nila, hindi pure Filipino. Some are
half pero mostly, hot lahat.

I tilted my head and twitched my lips. "How about an absolute royal

fuck?""Desperate for something hard and fast?" he showed me a boyish grin and I
giggled. I don't really giggle. Unless I'm trying to flirt with someone.

"Yeah, you can say that. So, can you give me one?" I suggestively wiggled my
eyebrows at him and he smirked.

"Do you want the real one or the one you can drink?" nginisian ko siya.

"What? No all of the above?" he laughed at me and shook his head. It was normal for
a bartender to flatter girls and flirt at every turn so I'm used to it. I never
take any of their offers seriously since I know how they work. I've been clubbing
for five years that I already know the do's and don'ts in a club.

Ibinigay sakin ng bartender ang cocktail na in-order ko. Gumuhit sa lalamunan ko

ang alak na ininom ko. It was a perfect mixture of bitter, sweet and a little bit
sour. Makes sense because it's a mixture of vodka, Jack Daniels, cranberry juice
and peach liqueur. It may look girly but I swear to God it kicks hard that it could
even make a guy blush.

I can feel the alcohol kicking in when I emptied the last remains of my drink.
Nakakita narin ako ng conquest ko. A menacingly handsome guy with a red hair. He
looked so hot that I can feel him oozing from sex appeal. I know how handsome he
looks, especially with those sexy lips of his but the black stud on his left ear
did it for me. Tumayo ako at lumakad papalapit sa lalaking balak kong gawing
battery for the week.

Beyoncé was singing about being a diva and how it's a female version of a hustler.
I smirked and gracefully slid my way to the dance floor. Pinalilibutan siya ng mga
babae. Siniguro ko na makikita niya ako mula sa pwesto ko. I started dancing,
flaunting my body and caressing myself with my own hands. Nakuha ko ang atensyon
niya at nanatili ang tingin niya sa akin. I shook my hips side to side and dropped
down, twisting my body to give him a full view of my butt. Dahan-dahan akong
lumakad papalapit sakanya. I placed my hand on his shoulder and slowly slid it to
his hand and pulled him away from the girls surrounding him.

Tumalikod sakanya and made sure to leave no space between us. I can feel the rush
and the alcohol influencing my mind. I began rubbing my back on his body. Nakahawak
lang siya sa bewang ko habang gumigiling ako at sinasabayan ang bawat ng beat ng
kanta. Humarap ako sakanya at ipinulupot ang braso ko sa leeg niya. I bit my lips,
staring at his deep brown eyes.

"Please tell me that you're single." I needily whispered. I just need to pleasure
him. I can feel the blood rushing inside my body.

"I'm single." sagot nito sa akin.

"Tell me that you want me." I uttered again while staring at his lips.

"I want you." napangisi ako sa pagsunod nito sa akin.

"Get me out of here." hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at hinatak paalis ng dance floor.
I don't feel like doing it in the restroom kaya hinayaan ko siya na hatakin ako
papunta sa exit ng club. Habang hatak-hatak niya ako, may isang pamilyar na pigura
ang nakita ko.

Despite of the dark room and the bright strobe lights, I couldn't stop from seeing
how those lovely gray eyes.

Sed.

Nakatingin lang sa akin si Sed the whole way na hinatak ako ng lalaking may pulang
buhok palabas ng club. Nakatingin lang rin ako sakanya at hindi ko inalis ito
hanggang sa tuluyan akong makalabas ng club. Hindi ko maalis ang kung ano man na
umiikot sa tiyan ko. Parang biglang nawala lahat ng alak ang ininom ko.
Nabalik ako sa tamang huwisyo pero hindi nawala ang uhaw na nararamdaman ko.

For the first time in my life, I was hesitating to do what I was about to do.

For the first time in my life, I felt ashamed of letting some guy see me being
pulled by another guy.

I felt those two for the first time in my life and I didn't like feeling any of it.

*******************************************
Unregistered

*******************************************

Four
Unregistered

I was sleepy and he's still staring at me. Nakatitig lang sakin si Sed the whole
time. Unfortunately, he was assigned to me for a reporting which will be presented
the day after tomorrow. Kalahating oras na ang lumipas nang sabihin ng Prof namin
na makipag-usap sa ka-partner namin pero hindi parin nagsasalita si Sed.

If he's waiting for me to say something, wag na siyang umasa. I can still remember
the way he looked at me when I was being pulled by the red hair dude. Hindi ako
pinatulog ng tyan ko nung gabing yon. Hindi nawala sa utak ko ang itsura niya nung
makita niya ako. Pati yung moment namin sa banyo, bumalik din sa isipan ko. And
now, I'm sleepy and he's staring at me. Still.

"My jacket." biglang sabi nito at napasimangot ako.

"Hindi pa nalalabhan. Next week nalang." sagot ko sakanya at itiniim nalang niya
ang bagang niya.

"You don't need to have it washed. Unless you puked on it the other night." I knew
he was talking about that night when I was with that red hair dude. Yun lang naman
ang gabi na nagkita kami since hindi ko naman na kailangan magclub pa.

"I wasn't even wearing it that night." I gaped at him and he shrugged. "May plano
ka ba sa re-" hindi ko pa natatapos ang sinasabi ko ay pinutol niya agad ang
pagsasalita ko.

"You can just make the presentation. Ako na ang bahala sa reporting, I doubt my
maasahan akong iba sa'yo." I was staring at him in awe. Did he just say what I
think he said? A part of me was hurt at how low he thinks I was. Pero hindi ko
naman maiiwasan yon. I rarely recite in class but I always get perfect scores on my
seatworks, pati assignments. My reputation about being a slut and a whore wasn't
helping either. Natawa ako.

"It's funny how I expected better from you." ngumisi ako. "I guess you're just one
of many." biglang nagring ang bell at sinimulan ko na ayusin ang gamit ko.
Natahimik si Sed sa sinabi ko sakanya.

Sa dinadami-dami ng taong nagsabi ng masasakit ng salita sakin, sakanya lang ako

nasaktan talaga. He was even being indirect about it pero hindi ko maiwasan ang
hindi masaktan. "Don't worry about the presentation. Gagawin ko yon, with matching
footnotes pa."

Binitbit ko ang bag ko at naglakad paalis sa room na iyon. It was lunch again but
this time I spent it with Sasha. Hindi narin ako ginulo ng kahit na sino. Siguro
natakot na silang banggain ako. We didn't need to eat out either dahil may naabutan
naman kaming bakanteng table. Pinagtitinginan kami ng ibang tao, I'm aware pero
sinusubukan kong wag pansinin. I can't say the same with Sasha though. Para kasing
wala talaga siyang pakielam sa mundo.

"May process na ba kayo sa presentation niyo? You're really lucky. Everyone is

dying to be his partner. He's smart." I scoffed.

"So totoo pala ang sinasabi nila na smart people are mostly the ones with the
sharpest tongue."

"Kinausap ka niya without any relation sa school works? That's rare-oh wait. I
remember something about a certain event that happened in the canteen. Kumalat sa
buong University ang pagligtas niya sa'yo. Are you guys close?" I made a face.

"Sha, I just told you how he tonguelashed me while discussing the arrangement for
our presentation. Is he always monosyllabic? Or perhaps, that cynical?" Sasha
huffed at me, pausing for a moment like she was thinking about it.

"Simula bata pa kami, cold at suplado na si Sed. He always speaks in monosyllables

pero cynical? I doubt it. Hindi siya expressive sa feelings niya. Mapa-hate or like
pa yun." I faked a smile.

"I must be really special then." susubo pa sana ako pero napahinto ako half way
nang ma-process ng utak ko ang unang sinabi ni Sasha. "Wait-simula bata? You mean,
childhood friends kayo? Kilala mo na siya since bata?"

"I guess, it's one of the perks of being his twin after all." wala naman akong
kinakain o iniinom pero bigla akong nasamid sa nalaman ko.

"Kambal mo siya?!" I shouted. Humagikgik bigla si Sasha at tumango-tango sa akin.

Bakit hindi ko alam na kambal niya s'ya? Siguro dahil wala siyang sinasabi sakin.
Hindi ko naman alam ang apelido ni Sasha dahil hindi ko naman tinatanong. Tsaka
paano naman papasok sa utak ko na tanungin siya kung kambal niya si Sed.

"Akala ko alam mo." sumubo siya at uminom muna ako ng tubig bago simulan ang
pakikipag-usap sakanya. "Obvious ba na hindi? Bakit hindi kayo magkamukha?"

"Fraternal twins."

"Bakit hindi kayo magkaugali?" I asked her like it was the most important question
in the world. Tinawanan ako ni Sasha at umiling-iling ito sa akin.

"Mana ako kay Mommy. Si Sed, mana naman kay Daddy. Supladito."

"Laitero din." I bitterly added and filled my mouth with foods. Napasimangot sakin
si Sasha.

"Sed may be rude but he's never judgmental. Pinalaki kami ni Mommy ng hindi
nanghuhusga ng ibang tao."

"Too bad mukhang hindi lumaki kambal mo." Sasha sighed.

"Sorry about that." umiling-iling naman ako agad. I was putting her into guilt trip
dahil sa ginawa ng kapatid niya.

"It's okay." I smiled at her, assuring her that it was totally fine. Sanay naman na
ako na minamarkahan ng kung ano-anong panglalait. Hindi ko lang talaga alam kung
bakit iba ang nararamdaman ko pag si Sed ang nagsasabi ng masasakit na bagay na
iyon. It doesn't even hurt. I actually think I was just being sensitive.

Naglalakad ako sa gilid ng school at naghahanap ng taxi na sasakyan papuntang LRT

station pero biglang may bumusina na kotse sa gilid ko. Napatingin naman ako agad
sa pulang kotse. The drive rolled the car window down. Napatingin ako sa paligid ko
pero wala namang ibang tao na malapit sa akin. I leaned down to look inside the
car. Napatalon ang puso ko nang makita ko si Sed na nakasilip mula sa loob. "Get
in." ayan nanaman ang two words habit niya.

Tumingin ako sa paligid ko at nakita ko na nakatingin sila sakin. They probably

think I'm a hooker now. Tumawa ako ng malakas. "Bakit naman ako susunod sayo?"

"Get. In." matigas ang tono nito kaya napataas naman ang kilay ko. He's playing
commando huh? Tumayo ako ng maayos at tumingin sa paligid ko. I smirked at them
before getting inside the car. Inayos ko ang seatbelt ko. Hindi ko na tiningnan o
binigyan ng pansin ang lalaking nasa driver's seat. Tumawa ulit ako bigla.

"What's so funny?" he sounded pissed.

"Three minutes ago, I was outside your car looking like a whore roaming around to
get honked at and people are probably thinking right now how I'm pretty much a
hooker."

"You did not do anything wrong." tumango-tango ako sakanya. I looked at him and
gave him an all-knowing smile.

"That's the thing about people with disparaging minds. They think they know
everything when the truth is, they don't." nagbuntong hininga si Sed pero hindi na
siya nagsalita pa. Hinayaan ko nalang siya magmaneho, I didn't bother asking about
where we'll be going. I doubt naman kasi na sasagutin niya ang tanong ko. He's a
huge snob. I have established that.

Huminto kami sa parking space ng starbucks. Tinaasan ko nalang ng kilay si Sed nung
tiningnan niya ako. Lumabas siya ng kotse at sumunod naman ako agad sakanya. He
brought a bag with him. I think laptop ang laman ng bag na yon.

Pumasok kami sa loob ng coffee shop. Sinundan ko lang si Sed nung pumunta siya sa
counter. "Order." he uttered.

Napatingin ako sa menu although walang sense since I always order the same thing.
"Chocolate chip." tumango siya.

"Make that two. Grande." lalabas ko na sana ang wallet ko para magbayad ng bibilhin
ko pero inabot agad ni Sed ang credit card niya. I just gaped at him pero hindi
niya ako napansin. He seemed oblivious of my whole existence. "Bring it to our
table. Thank you."

"Come." utos nito at katulad ng ginagawa ko kanina pa, sinunod ko nalang siya. I
was curious kung ano ang kinikilos niya kaya I let him boss me around.

Umupo siya sa isang bakanteng table. I was facing him and he was facing me. Maliit
lang yung circular table, enough for two kaya medyo magkalapit lang kami. "Why are
we here?" tanong ko dito nang hindi na ako nakatagal.

He was powering on his laptop when I finally had the guts to ask him. "Report."
simpleng sagot nito sa akin.

"Do you always talk like that?"

"Like what?" "Always in two words. May nagsabi na ba sayo na it's annoying?" tanong
ko dito but I resumed before he can even answer the question that I never meant for
him to answer. "And why are we meeting up for the report? I thought we already had
it settled? Wala ka namang ibang mapapala sakin kaya ako na ang bahala sa
powerpoint, since you're all smart. That was the plan right?" nakita ko ang
pagyukom ng kamao ni Sed. His jaw clenched and unclenched too.

"I thought I was just stating facts."

"And you thought it was factual since it was yours, right?" hindi siya nakasagot
sakin at napangisi naman ako. "Hindi lahat ng iniisip mo-tama. You might not be
used to that since you're 'smart' but I advise you to start adjusting. Tao ka lang
rin Saavedra. Nagkakamali ka din." tumayo ako mula sa lamesa naming dalawa at
mukhang nagulat siya sa pagtayo na ginawa ko.

Biglang dumating ang staff dala-dala ang in-order namin kanina before settling down
the table. Kinuha ko ang isang chocolate chip. "Thank you dito ha." I winked and
left him speechless.

I think it served him right. He was an arrogant bastard who belittles someone he
thinks that doesn't deserve his approval. It was stupid of me to think more of him.
I think I unknowingly placed him into some kind of pedestal.

I don't even get why I'm feeling those pesky bugs in my stomach. Ganon ba siya
kalakas para maramdaman ko yung mga insektong yon sa tiyan ko pag nandiyan siya? It
was something that I stopped feeling five years ago. I almost forgot how good it
felt and now, it just hurts to think how I'm feeling it again.

Sumakay nalang ako ng taxi deretso pauwi. Hindi na ako dumaan ng LRT station. Kaya
lang naman ako nage-LRT ay dahil mas mura doon ang pagcommute. I have money for
taxi fare naman, pero gusto ko lang makapagtipid. Hindi ko dala ang sasakyan ngayon
dahil gamit-gamit iyon ni Dads.

Dads can't afford to buy me a car since hindi naman kami ganoon kayaman para ibili
niya ako sarili ng kotse. Hindi naman ako nagde-demand ng kotse dahil hindi naman
siya necessity para sa akin. Pagkapasok ko, naabutan ko si Mams at Dads na nasa
sofa at nanunuod ng T.V.

Napangiti naman ako at nagmamadaling lumakad sa likuran ng sofa at niyakap silang

pareho mula sa likuran. Nagulat sila sa ginawa ko pero hinawakan nilang pareho ang
ulo ko. Lumingon sila sa akin at ngumiti. "Kamusta ang school?" I let out a
contented sigh.

"Perfect." ipinatong ko ang kamay ko sa sofa at inangat naman ni Dads ang ulo niya
para halikan ako sa gilid ng noo ko.

"Magbihis ka na, kakain na tayo maya-maya." tumango ako at matapos ay tumayo ng

maayos. Binigyan ko sila ng huling tingin bago umakyat ng hagdanan papunta sa
sarili kong kwarto. Hindi kalakihan ang bahay namin. It is enough for a small
family. Kasya na kaming apat sa bahay-pero since wala si Kuya Jax, maluwag-luwag
ito para saming tatlo nila Dads.

Nasa ibang bansa si Kuya, finishing his bachelor's degree-hindi ko nga alam kung
anong pumasok sa isipan niya at sa ibang bansa niya gustong mag-aral. Kahit na
hindi gusto ni Mams na malayo si Kuya, sinuportahan parin nila ito.

Mams and Dads have always been supportive. They are the ideal parents that every
one wants and wishes for, kaya I'm really lucky to have them both.

Hindi ko pa nabababa ang bag ko ay narinig ko agad ang pagping ng cellphone ko. I
wasn't in a hurry to bring it out though. Wala namang nagte-text sakin na
emergency. Usually, mga naging conquests ko lang na gustong makipagdate sa akin at
sinusubukang manligaw.

I engage into textings and some flirtations just for the heck of it pero hindi ko
na sila pinatulan. Like what I always say, it's strictly against my rules.
Pagkabihis ko into something comfortable (sweat pants, folded upto my knees and a
lovely hugging shirt), kinuha ko na ang cellphone ko at napakunot ang noo ko sa
message mula sa isang unregistered number na lumabas sa screen.

I quickly unlocked my phone and opened the message.

Hey. Sorry. Napasimangot ako. It was a random text message. Two words. And I don't
remember anyone offending me or anything.

Who r u? Umupo ako sa kama at tinitigan lang ang phone ko na nakalapag sa ibabaw
ng lap ko. It took the anonymous texter one minute to reply.

Sed. I can't believe how my heart just dropped over the three letters. Biglang
nawalan ng stock ng oxygen ang lungs ko at nag breakdown ang buong respiratory
system ko sa pangalan niya. I calmed myself before replying. It helped me stop from
stumbling over my qwerty pad.

How the bloody hell did u get my number?

Sasha. Oh yeah. Twins nga pala sila. Why didn't I think of that? Napasimangot ako.
He asked my number just to apologize? Bakit hindi niya nalang gawin sa personal?

U know, u could hav just apologized personally. It'll make it seem more sincere.
Napakagat ako sa kuko ng thumb ko while waiting for Sed's reply. I was eager to
know what his answer will be.
 Don't worry, I planned to. Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko sa pagngiti sa text
niya sakin. I don't know why I feel silly. Isang simpleng text lang. Bakit ganito
ang inaasal ko? I've received thousands of text na mas flattery pa sa sinasabi
niya. Actually, there's nothing even flattering sa mga tine-text niya eh. I must be
out of my mind.

Hindi ka ba unli?

Why?

Ang tipid mo sa text. Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz. I waited for exactly five

minutes and thirty-three seconds for him to finally reply. I was thrilled to find
out what single word will he be texting me back. I was actually guessing kung ano,
it could be a six letters ha. Or probably a lol, but that will be expressing too
much emotion from him. I waited for exactly minutes before he finally replied.

Guess what he replied.

A fucking smiley.

*******************************************
Balls and Apologies

*******************************************

Five
Balls and Apologies

It was time for our Philosophy class. The reports will be presented today. One day
had passed since Sed and I texted. Pagkatapos niyang magsmiley, hindi na ako
sumagot. It was a conversation breaker. It's worse than replying with a simple 'k'.
It was like trying to be polite but openly saying I'm done talking with you. Hindi
ko siya blockmate kahapon kaya walang opportunity para magkita kami at magkausap.
We never texted kaya wala kaming any means of communication. I never took the
initiative na unang magtext sakanya.

Wala kaming main subject sa report namin since wala kaming pinag-usapan. Our
professor just told us a certain chapter, mamili ng isang topic doon and that's it.
When I read the chapter-may nakita akong isang interesting topic. I think it'll
catch him off guard. And it's a topic to raise my subtle middle finger for
everyone.
"Mr. Saavedra and Ms. Zaragosa." tumayo kaming dalawa. Tumingin sakin si Sed ng
isang blangkong tingin. Nang-aasar na ngumiti ako dito at dinala ang laptop ko sa
harapan. I started connected the laptop sa projector-doing all the work since my
partner is pretty much useless.

Binuksan ko ang presentation and the pressed the arrow button, showing the title in
bold and huge font size.

JUDGEMENT AND HUMAN RATIONALITY

Hindi pa nagsisimula, biglang pumalakpak si Sasha mula sa upuan niya. She even
whistled like a boy at hindi ko mapigilan ang mapatawa ng bahagya. I cleared my
throat when Sed gave me a cold look. Tumigil ako at nagside step para ibigay
sakanya ang floor. I pressed the next button, showcasing the word judgement itself.
Nagsimula na si Sed sa solo presentation niya.

"Philosophers have traditionally thought that the ability to make judgements is an

ability reserved for rational beings. It also considers how judgements are being
justified. Philosophers are not only interested in what a kind of comprehension
claims are done, but also with how the judgment made was supported." napatulala
nalang ako sa sinabi ni Sed. I understood what he said but I just didn't know that
he knows all of that. Hinayaan ko siyang mag-explain at hindi ako nagpaliwanag
kahit isang beses. Tutal, wala naman akong ibang pakinabang sakanya.

Tumatango-tango ang iba all throughout our report, like they can relate with what
we were saying. Nakikinig talaga sila at mukhang naiinindihan naman nila kahit
papaano ang pinagsasasabi ni Sed.

"Thank you for that well-detailed presentation, Mr. Saavedra. I just wish you let
Ms. Zaragosa do something other than looking pretty." ngumiti nalang ako at
sinimulan tanggalin ang laptop ko from the projector. I saw Sasha snort at
kinindatan ko nalang siya. I was totally ignoring my prof talking about things that
I don't care about until he mentioned my name.

"You should try to recite and be active in class Ms. Zaragosa, I appreciate the
constant perfect scores and all but if you want to maintain your full scholarship,
you need to participate." I stopped from moving at napatingin naman ako doon sa
professor kong dalahira.

"Full scholar siya?" I started hearing them say with their low voices. Great, now
they have something new to talk about. Something to irrationally make conclusions.
Like for example, I slept with the University's President para sa full scholarship.
I know how people with shallow minds work. They bring other people down just for
the heck of it.
"Hindi niyo alam? Ms. Zaragosa here has been a full scholar since first year
college, I'm really curious as to why her past University transferred her here
without any reason. I heard kahit noong highschool siya ay valedictorian siya sa
kanyang alma mater. Kasama rin siya sa top 20 sa nagtake ng NAT exam. You got a
very intelligent blockmate here. Kaya kung kailangan niyo ng tulong, I'm sure that
Ms. Zaragosa wouldn't mind helping you. Am I right Ms. Zaragosa?" I can't help but
snort. Yeah right. Kung pinapalaki nito ulo ko, hindi na kailangan. I'm aware of
how intelligent I am.

"Fuck." I heard Sed murmur. I guess finding out that I was a full scholar made him
guiltier than ever. Medyo may pakinabang rin pala yung pagiging dalahira ng
professor naming tsismoso.

The bell rang and it was lunch time again. "Class dismissed." sabi ng professor
namin before leaving the room. Bumalik ako sa upuan ko para ayusin ang sling bag na
dala ko today dahil sa laptop.

Sinalubong ako ng ngiti ni Sasha. "You were pretty awesome back there."

"Standing? Natural. Best angle ko yun eh." tinawanan ako ni Sasha at marahan ko
siyang itinulak.

"Hindi mo man lang sinabi sakin na full scholar ka." she pouted.

"What for? It's not a big deal."

"Part ng top 20 sa NAT exams. Not a big deal? Girl, you're like a freaking genius.
I can't believe may nabubuong walang kwentang rumors tungkol sayo." Ngumiti ako. "I
told you Sha, they are not rumors."

"Hindi purket ayaw mo mag explain, doesn't mean it confirms anything."

"Whatever you say." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Oo nga pala, punta tayong practice mamaya ni Sedrick." paga-aya sakin ni Sasha. I
made a face at her.
"Para saan naman?"

"Moral support!" she even held her chest and looked at the ceiling pero binatukan
ko lang siya.

"I still haven't forgot about how you gave him my number without my permission!" I
nagged, Sasha gasped-surprised of my accusation.

"Number? Wala akong binibigay na number sakanya."

"But he said-" biglang may kumalabit sakin sa likuran. It was a guy. Tinasaan ko
siya ng kilay. I tilted my head to the side, prompting him to start talking. He
cleared his throat before talking.

"Pinabibigay ni Saavedra." may inabot siyang papel at matapos ay umalis na ito sa

harapan namin ni Sasha. Sinubukan kong tingnan ang pwesto ni Sed pero wala na siya
sa kinauupuan niya. Nilibot ko ang mga mata ko sa loob ng room pero wala na siya sa
loob. Sasha was giving me a creepy smile.

"Kayo ha, may something pala kayo ng kambal ko ha."

"Something?"

"Oo. Pabasa nga!" biglang inagaw ni Sasha ang papel na inabot sakin nung lalaki
kanina. Mabalis na tumakbo palayo sakin si Sasha kaya hindi ko agad siya napigilan.
Tumakbo kasi siya habang binabasa yung sulat. She was even reading it out loud, not
give a shit kahit may ibang tao ang makarinig.

"Aki, rooftop. Sed." napabuntong hininga si Sasha at masayang ngumiti sa akin. "Ang
romantiko talaga ng kambal ko, ang halimuyak at tamis ng dila." she was being
sarcastic and we both know it. Napatawa nalang ako.

Monosyllables. I rolled my eyes.

"So, pupunta ka?" tanong ni Sasha sa akin. "Okay lang sakin kung pupunta ka, may
gagawin pa naman ako sa library eh. Kumain narin ako kanina." she battered her
eyelashes at napasimangot ako.

"Bakit naman ako pupunta? Dahil sinabi niya?" Sasha dreamily sighed at me. "This is
why I love you. Sa lahat ng babae, ikaw lang walang tama sa kambal ko. It's so
refreshing." nakangiti siya sakin habang sinasabi ito.

"What to like? Bukod sa matamis at mabulaklak niyang dila?"

"Good looking, mana sakin." she made a pogi pose and I just sarcastically laughed
at her. "Seriously though, may kailangan akong gawin so-ciao!" bigla siyang tumakbo
palabas ng room at hindi na ako nakaapila dahil sobrang bilis tumakbo ng isang yon.
I didn't even see her move. Anong klaseng paa ba ang meron ang babaeng yon? Parang
lalake kung tumakbo.

Tiningnan ko ang sulat ni Sed sa akin. His penmanship was neat and manly. His
letter was awfully short like his usual dialogues too. Hindi ko tuloy maiwasan
mainis sa pagiging tipid niya sa salita.

Napasimangot ako.

"Pupunta ba ako, o hindi?" I mumbled to myself and I ended up walking to the

building's rooftop.

The whole way, napapahinto ako. Kumabaga-two steps forward, one step back.
Interesado ako at the same time curious sa kung ano ang dahilan kung bakit niya ako
pinapapunta sa rooftop. Napahinto ulit ako sa paglalakad sa hagdanan, hesitating
about my decision. Bakit ko ba susundin ang gusto niya? Kung may kailangan siya-
siya ang lumapit! I nodded and turned around para bumalik na sa cafeteria.

Bakit ko siya pupuntahan? Mabubusog ba ako pag umakyat ako sa rooftop? Napahinto
ako bigla. Pero paano kung may surprise siya sa akin? Sayang naman! Pero-bakit
naman siya magkakaroon ng surprise sakin? That's just stupid. Hindi kaya hihingi
siya ng apology katulad ng sinabi niya sa text? Oh I'd pay to see him say he's
sorry. Ngumisi ako at nagsimulang maglakad ulit paakyat ng hagdan.

Medyo nakakapagod umakyat dahil mataas ang building. Bakit kasi sa dinami-dami ng
lugar na pwedeng makipagkita, bakit dito niya pa nagustuhan? Hindi niya ba alam na
energy-conserving mode ako lagi? Ang sarap lang niyang bembangin. Sasampolan ko
talaga ito ng kaltok once na walang sense at hindi nakakalukso ng damdamin ang
gagawin niya.

Nakarating na ako sa rooftop, at pagkabukas ko dito ay nakita ko si Sed na nakaupo

sa edge. Kahit na sabihing may place surface pa itong semento, nakakatakot parin.
I'm afraid of heights. A little. Okay lang sakin sa high places, wag lang ipapakita
sakin ang ibaba.

"You can start apologizing now." a smirk played on my lips. The thought of hearing
him apologize sounded heavenly. I bet it'll be even better than hearing guys groan
in pleasure. Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagngisi ko.

Tumalikod si Sed at tiningnan ako ng walang bahid na amusement o kahit anong ngiti
sa mukha niya. He was being too serious. "Come here." utos niya.

"And what? Die from falling? No thanks, I'm good here." Sed frowned.

"I won't let you fall Aki." napatulala lang ako sa sinabi niya. Bakit parang iba
ang dating sakin ng sinabi niya? It rendered me speechless. It took me some good
seconds bago makasagot.

"No thanks. I don't trust you." he sighed and got off the edge. Lumapit siya
papunta sa akin hanggang sa magka-face to face kami.

"You can apologize anytime now." I prompted and Sed sighed. May kinuha siya mula sa
bulsa niya. Isang maliit na parisukat na papel katulad ng kanina. Inabot niya ito
sa akin at agad ko naman na tinanggap ang papel na iyon.

"What's this?" he shrugged.

I unfolded the paper and read the tear-jerking, heartbreaking and awespiring note I
have ever read. It was the most sincere and genuine letter that someone had ever
given me. My gosh. I will never forget this moment forever.

The sweet letter that Sed gave me goes something like this:
Sorry.

Walang ibang extra letters, walang sabaw, walang explanation. Just a plain sorry
that's written on a small note. Odiba ang sweet? Sobrang nag effort at mafe-feel mo
ang sincerity niya sa letter na binigay niya. Naiiyak tuloy ako sa sobrang ka-
sweetan niya. Grabe talaga, ibang klase ka Sed.

"Pinapunta mo ako dito para lang sa papel na 'to na sinulatan mo ng limang letra?"

"Don't forget the period."

"Of course I won't. It plays a vital role in expressing how sincere you were. Why
would I forget about the fucking period?!"

"Galit ka?" tanong nito sa akin at mas lalong kumulo ang dugo ko.

"Hindi ba obvious?!" sigaw ko dito at nagulat ako sa biglang pagtawa na ginawa ni

Sed. Hindi ko pa siya nakitang ngumiti. Not even once. Sa text lang, pero hindi in
person. Hindi ko rin siya nakitang tumawa, kahit isang beses.

Napatulala ako sa pagtawa na ginawa ni Sed. Parang nagfocus lahat ng atensyon ko

sakanya at nagslow mo siya sa paningin ko. Umitim ang buong paligid at wala akong
ibang nakita kundi siya. Nakita ko kung paano lumabas ang dimples sa pisngi niya
nung ngumiti siya. I saw how his eyes turned into a curvy slits when he smiled. His
teeth were so perfect that it hurts to see him happy like this. Sobrang gwapo niya.

Hindi ko napansin ang biglang pagtigil ni Sed sa pagtawa. Napatingin lang siya
sakin. He cleared his throat when he realized how loud and free he laughed. He
softly smiled at me at parang nanlambot din ang puso ko sa pagngiti na ginawa niya
sa akin.

"See you, Aki."

Napatango nalang ako habang lumakad si Sed paalis ng rooftop. I was snapped out
from my trance when the door slammed shut. Nandilat ang mga mata ko at napagtanto
ko ang mga nangyari. Fuck.
Kinalma ko muna ang sarili ko, kinundisyon ang puso at isip ko bago bumaba para
pumasok sa next class ko. Be still.Buti nalang at hindi ko kaklase si Sed sa
susunod kong klase. Napatingin ulit ako sa note na binigay sakin ni Sed kanina.
Kung kanina, buskang-buska ako-ngayon, hindi ko maiwasan ang hindi matuwa sa
binigay niya sa aking sulat. He just wrote Sorry for Gosh' sake!! Anong nakakatuwa
doon?! I think I hit my head. Kailangan ko na yata magpa-check ng utak.

Hindi pa nakakalabas ng room ay ki-norner agad ako ni Sasha. Gusto kong tumakas at
iwan siya kaso mukhang importante sakanya na kasama niya ako pag nanood siya ng
practice ng kambal niya. Ayaw ko muna kasing makita si Sed. Jinu-jumble niya
masyado ang utak ko.

"Tara na, baka tapos na magwarm up yun. Maglalaban silang magkaka-team. Tara na,
please please please?" sa sobrang pagplease-please sakin with matching beautiful
eyes ni Sasha, pumayag narin ako.

First time ko pumunta sa gym ng University, since tapos na ako sa P.E. More on
major subjects na kasi kami ngayon, lalo na't fourth year college na ako. May mga
ilang babae na nanunuod din ng practice game. Umupo kami ni Sasha sa isang lugar na
hindi masyadong flashy.

Buong game, si Sed lang ang sinunsundan ng mata ko. Sobrang galing niya
magbasketaball. Pagnakakashoot nga siya ng bola, pinipigilan ko ang sarili ko
magcheer para sakanya. I was being stupid. Sinabihan ko rin kasi si Sasha na wag
sumigaw para walang makapansin na nanunuod kami.

Biglang binunggo si Sed ng isang lalaki habang siya ang may hawak ng bola.
Napakagat ako sa labi ko at hinintay magpatong ng foul shout ang referee nila for
the game. Pumwesto si Sed sa freethrow line at hindi ko napigilan ang pagsigaw ni
Sasha.

"Omg! Go kambal! You can do it!!" napatingin si Sed sa gawi ni Sasha dahil sa
eksena niyang pagsigaw. Nakita niya si Sasha at ako naman ang sunod na natamaan ng
mata niya. Tumingin siya pabalik sa basketball ring. A smirk slowly placed on his
lips as he threw the ball for a sure one point shot.
Yep. Na-shoot nga.

*******************************************
Never Say Die

*******************************************

Six
Never Say Die

Every princess has a prince. All damsels in distress have knights in shining armor
to save them. Every girl gets a boy who'll love them dearly. Every soul has its
mate. Like how Lois Lane has superman, Pepper Potts with Iron Man, Sonny and Cher.
But someone like me? I have none and I never bothered expecting. I've accepted how
I was born to be alone. I already accepted how I'll live without anyone and die
unloved.

I was born to hurt everyone around me. I was made from sin and born a sin. I have
always thought how I deserve all the lemons that life keeps on throwing me. Hindi
ko tanggap pero sinubukan kong masanay. I can't change the way I am. I can't change
anything that happened, that's why I'm resigned.

I never really expected the University to welcome me and warm up on me that easy.
Actually-I never expected them to warm up on me at all! I know the issues about me
will never subside. Mapapalitan lang iyong ng mapapalitan hanggang sa tumatak na sa
isipan ng lahat ng tao ang pangalan ko.

It may sound cliché and no one might believe me but I get bullied for everyday in
my life. Hindi man halata pero nararanasan ko ang matingnan ng ibang tao na parang
diring-diri sila sa akin. Hindi man nila ipinagsisigawan pero naririnig ko ang
bulung-bulungan nila tungkol sa akin. Medyo thankful na ako sa babaeng hindi na
naisipang gumanti dahil dun event na nangyari sa canteen. But then again, there's a
popular saying that goes something like this: Never say die.

Ipinatawag ako sa President's office for a reason that I don't know. Kilala lang
naman ako bilang slut, hindi delinquent kaya pumunta ako ng office nung sinundo ako
mismo ng secretary niya. It was a short walk across the Civil Engineering building.
First time ko makakapunta sa President's office for a week and a half of being in
this University kaya hindi ko alam kung dapat akong matuwa sa pagpapatawag nila sa
akin o hindi. It's either they'll be revoking my scholarship or they'll send me to
another school dahil may anak nanaman akong naagawan ng boyfriend. I sighed. I just
hope it's none of the above.

Pinapasok na ako sa loob ng room ng president. Everything looked antique. Siguro

around thirty-ish years na ang lahat ng gamit sa loob. Mayroong malakign book
shelves. Maluwang ang room at tanging ang malaking brown wooden desk, dalawang
wooden chairs para sa bisita na nakalagay sa harapan ng lamesa at upuan mismo ng
president (which looked really expensive and comfy by the way). Una kong nakita ang
malaking portrait ng isang lalaki na hindi ko kilala at wala rin akong balak
kilalanin bago ang mismong president na nakaupo sa kanyang upuan. He was busy
browsing something on his table nang makalapit ako sa harap ng table niya.

"Goodafternoon Sir." I greeted and the President turned his attention on me. He's
fifty looking and already balding. May malusog siyang pangangatawan at mukhang
alaga sa three piece suit na suot-suot niya.

"Ms. Zaragosa. It's nice to finally meet you." inabot niya ang kamay niya para
makipagshakehands at mabilis ko naman inabot ang akin. He gestured his hand to the
chair beside me when he stopped shaking my hands. "Please sit." tumango ako at
tahimik na hinintay ang susunod niya pang sasabihin since wala talaga akong idea
kung bakit niya ako pinatawag.

"Nasabi na ba sa'yo ng sekretarya ko kung bakit kita napatawag?"

I shook my head. "No Sir."

"I see. First of all, gusto muna kitang i-welcome sa University. Are you enjoying
yourself so far?" naalala ko ang pangyayari nung unang pumunta ako dito, ang
paliligo ko sa canteen at ang panglalait sakin ni Sed. Napangiti ako.

"Definitely Sir. Your students are very welcome-ish." binigyan naman ako ng isang
masayang tawa ng presidente na nasa harapan ko.

"Mabuti naman. Kung may problema, wag kang matakot na lapitan ako." and let them
think that I'm sleeping with the president? No thanks. I mentally snorted.

"I'm so honored to have you here in East West University.Wala ka pa man dito sa
University, I've already heard good things about you. Admirable ang GPA mo and I
can say the same with your achievements and awards. I just don't know why kung
bakit ka pinakawalan ng huling University na pinasukan mo?" kung sagutin ko kaya ng
deretso 'to, magugulat kaya siya? I can almost imagine his epic reaction but I
don't want to give the old man a heart attack kaya I just kept my mouth shut.
Ngumiti nalang ako sakanya. I can feel where this conversation is going. Pupuriin
lang naman ako nito pag may kailangan sa akin. He'll not waste his time on me
unless he has something that I can give.

"Pwede ko po bang malaman ang totoong dahilan kung bakit ako napatawag dito?"

"I heard about your magnificent talent in painting. I have seen your past works and
I heard that you've competed and won competitions before. I had seen your works and
they're all breathtaking. A prestigious University will be holding annual inter-
school on-the-spot painting competition and I personally want you to represent EW
University."

Kumunot naman ang noo ko. "Can I say no?"

"The cash prize for the first place is forty-thousand pesos and I don't need to
tell you the other prizes since you'll surely get the first place. So, can I ask
you why you'll say no?" napasimangot ako. Totoo naman ang sinasabi niya na nakasali
na ako ng iba't ibang painting competitions. I have won thrice. Yung panibagong
tatlong beses, second place lang. I love painting. I was gifted with magical hands.
And trust me when I say it's magical. Ask my past conquests if you're still in
doubt.

"Forty-thousand pesos?" tanong ko dito.

"Yes Ms. Zaragosa. Malaking tulong narin ito sa allowance mo."

"Okay." I shrugged. Ngumiti sakin si Mr. Sy na nalaman ko lang ang pangalan dahil
sa plaque sa harapan niya. It says Atty. Roberto Sy.

"You have one month and a half to prepare. The materials will be answered by the
University. You can use the art room at your disposal."

"What's the theme?"

"The theme for this year's competition is TRAHEDYA: Pagkadapa, Pagkabangon, at

Bagong Pag-asa."
Nang ibinalita ko kay Moms at Dads ang tungkol sa painting competition at personal
na pag-alok sakin ni Mr. Sy bilang representative ng University, malaki ang ngiti
nila sa mga labi. Bata palang ako kay supporting na sila sa akin pareho sa
pagmamahal ko sa painting. Naalala ko ang unang beses na binilhan ako ni Dads ng
crayon when I was crying.

I learned to vent my anger and sadness in drawing and painting. Lalo na when I was
sixteen years old. Nakatulong sa akin yon since I have no one to talk to. Natigil
lang ako sa pag painting para maalis lahat ng sama ng loob ko nang dumating si
Chase.

I used to vent all of my pain in every canvas, ngayon kay Chase na. Wala akong
sinabihan na kahit na sino tungkol sa competition bukod kay Chase. Sinubukan kong
mag-isip ng puwedeng maging subject pero wala akong maisip miski isa. B

inigyan ako ng letter with the president's signature tungkol sa paggamit ko ng art
room. I'm allowed to use it any time I want except during my class hours.

Kaklase ko ngayon si Sed sa isang major subject. After nito ay may isa pa akong two
hours class. Before lunch ang uwian ko, maaga-aga kaya nga masisilip ko ang art
room ng University. The lesson that our professor was teaching didn't catch my
interest. It just bored me to death. Umpisa palang ng klase, hindi na ako nakikinig
sakanya.

Alam ko na two months pa ang competition pero napapaisip na ako agad ng subject at
kung ano ang dapat kong i-drawing. I continued tapping my pencil at the back of my
notebook hanggang sa atomatikong tumama ang mga mata ko kay Sed.

Nasa gilid ko siya kaya side view lang ang kita ko. He was listening to the
professor. Napansin ko ang magandang hubog ng ilong niya. His black hair looked
perfect styled as well. Kahit na mukhang ginulo lang ng kamay, ang gwapo parin
tingnan sakanya. His lips were pink as usual. Kung sa ibang lalake 'to, baka
tinawanan ko na ang pagkakaroon niya ng pink lips pero hindi siya ibang lalaki and
to be honest, naakit ako sa pink lips niya. Para kasing ang sarap halikan. Kahit
malayo, kita ko rin ang mahabang pilik mata niya.

Everything about him is perfect.

Maliban nalang sa magaspang niyang ugali. I sighed. Nagpatuloy ang paggalaw ng

kamay ko na ngayon ko lang napansin na gumagalaw na pala. I wasted my two hours
sketching Sed's face, hanggang sa magandang balikat niya.

Unang kita ko palang sakanya, gwapo na talaga siya tingnan sa uniform. Napapaisip
tuloy ako bigla kung ano ang itsura niya pag nakapangcivillian. The bell rang, may
sinabi yung professor pero hindi ko ito narinig dahil tinatapos ko pa ang final
touches ng sketch ko. Alam ko ang itsura ko ngayon. Kunot na kunot ang noo at
mukhang concentrated na may sinusulat sa papel. I'm a geek when it comes to drawing
and painting.

"Hoy." bigla kong napasara ang notebook ko at tumingin sa kaliwa ko para tingnan
ang babaeng tumawag sakin na walang iba kundi si Sasha. "Anong ginagawa mo? Kanina
pa ako curious eh, hindi ko lang matanong kasi masungit si prof." pag-usisa nito at
napangiti ako. I shook my head.

"Wala, lecture lang." Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay. Mukhang hindi siya naniniwala sa
pinagsasabi ko. Hindi naman kasi ako yung tipo ng tao na mahilig maglecture.

"Neknek mo. Di ako uto-uto. Sabihin mo na Aki! Secret lang natin!" tumawa naman ako
sakanya.

"Lecture nga lang."

"Sige nga patingin." aabutin niya sana yung notebook pero bigla ko itong kinuha at
mabilis na tumayo.

"Ayaw ko." itinago ko ito sa likuran ko at ngumuso naman sa akin si Sasha.

"Ang gara mo naman. Bahala ka, hindi ko sasabihin sayo ang latest issue."

"Latest issue?" I raised my eyebrow. "Yep." she popped the letter p in her mouth.

"Okay." I shrugged at bumalik ng upo sa upuan ko habang ibinabalik ang notebook ko

sa loob ng bag.

"Eeeeeh. You're supposed to make pilit that I should make sabi ng news!" angal
sakin ni Sasha at napailing-iling ako. May time talaga na malakas ang tama sa utak
ng babaeng 'to. Total opposite talaga ni Sed.
"I don't need to make pilit Sasha. I don't care." I shrugged. Bumuntong hininga si
Sasha sakin.

"Pero totoo ba yung tungkol kay Chase? Hindi ako naniniwala sa currently fucking
part, pero totoo ba na you know him?" I suspiciously eyed her.

"Why? Do you like him?" biglang nandilat ang mga mata ni Sasha sa akin.

"Hindi no! May gusto ako sa katapat ng room ni Sedrick sa dormitory building." she
blushed and I grinned.

"Name?"

"Gabe Torres. Best friend ni Sedrick. Ipapakilala kita one time." I just nodded.

"So, Chase?"

"He's my bestfriend since I was eighteen years old. We never had sex, just to
clarify and make it clear to you." sumimangot bigla si Sasha.

"Why not? He's hot." I raised my eyebrow at her one more time.

"He's my best buddy. I want to keep it that way."

"Kahit isang kiss?" pamimilit nito. Ang totoo, ilang beses ako na-tempt na halikan
si Chase. But I know that if I'll kiss him, hindi na ako makakatigil kaya maraming
beses ko rin pinigilan ang sarili ko. I don't to ruin our relationship. Mahal ko si
Chase at para ko na rin siyang kapatid. I'm not going to waste something that's
precious.

"Nope. But we hugged, brotherly kiss sa cheeks at forehead. Okay na ba yon sa'yo
Madam?" tanong ko dito and she huffed.
"Bagay pa naman kayo. Sayang." natawa nalang ako sakanya at napailing-iling. "Sabay
tayo sa assembly mamaya ha?"

"Assembly for what?"

"Ewan. Basta, assembly." hindi ko alam kung anong pumasok sa utal ko at bigla akong
napatin sa kinauupuan ni Sed. Mukhang napatingin din si Sasha sa usual seat ng
kambal niya. "Practice ni Sedrick ngayon. I don't think makakapunta siya sa
assembly."

"And you're telling me this... Why?" she gave me a mocking smile.

"Just in case you're interested." nairap ako kay Sasha before looking at Sed's
place. I snorted.

"Yeah right." pagkasabi ko noon ay bigla nang dumating ang next professor namin.
Pagkatapos ng last class ko ay dumeretso na kami sa theater hall kung saan
gaganapin ang assembly na tinutukoy ni Sasha.

May mga ilang tao na sa loob at mukhang nagsisimula na ang assembly. Umupo kami sa
bandang likuran. Despite of the dim lighting in the room, nakita ko parin kung
paano ako bigyan ng masamang tingin at nandidiring tingin ng ibang babae.

Ano kayang ginawa ko sakanila at ang laki ng galit nila sa akin? Inagawan ko rin ba
sila ng atensyon mula sakanilang mga boyfriend? Did their boyfriends cheated on
them because of me? Kasi kung hindi, I don't see the reason why they should hate
me. It's not like I have done something bad against them.

"Our school will be competing to the annual interschool painting competition this
coming month. As we all know, this is one of the most known competitions of the
year. And I'm glad that Universities are hosting events to showcase youth's
artistic talents." my eyes widened at the announcement made by the woman in front
of the stage.

Fuck.
"Mr. Sy, our University's president, personally spoke to the student who'll be
representing our school. He personally asked her to compete for our University to
which she agreed. She'd competed in six contests, three first places and three
second places. I'm sure you've all heard about the girl who'll be representing our
University." almost half of the crowd, lalo na yung nasa harap ang sumagot ng yes.

They were all so eager. Mabilis akong napatingin kay Sasha. "Alam mo ba 'to?" she
frowned, shaking her head.

"No, I don't." we were both confused dahil halos lahat ng balita ay alam ni Sasha.
Not that she's a gossip monger. Marami lang talaga siyang naririnig.

"Please give a round of applause as I call on Ms. Akiko Hedone Zaragosa." the crowd
suddenly cheered which caught me off guard. Bigla kong naramdaman ang pagbaliktad
ng sikmura ko.

Shit. I'm getting the cold feet.

"Aki?" nagtatakang tanong ni Sasha at nagda-dalawang isip pa ako kung aakyat ako o
hindi. I have this feeling in my gut that it's a bad idea.

"Ms. Zaragosa, may I call on Ms. Zaragosa?" "Aki. Tawag ka. Bili." hinawakan ako ni
Sasha sa braso at marahan na itinulak patayo. Natanaw ako agad ng babaeng nasa
harapan na tumatawag sa pangalan ko.

"There she is." ilang na ngumiti ako at naglakad papunta sa harap. I can feel
everyone's eyes on me. Sumisigaw din sila at may ilang pumipito. It doesn't feel
right.

Minsan yung kaba na nararamdaman natin, nagkakatotoo.

Minsan, yung gut feeling nagiging tama.

Lesson of the week: It's not right to conclude that something's over.
Wag na wag kang magsasalita ng tapos.

*******************************************
Knight in Shining Jersey

*******************************************

Seven
Knight in Shining Jersey

I felt something hit my chest. It hurt a little pero mas nagulat ako. Hinawakan ko
ito at tumingin sa dibdib ko. It was wet and slicky. I saw an egg shell on the
floor. I didn't know how to react at the assault. They didn't give me time to react
at all.

"Fire at the whore!" somebody shouted from the crowd and everything happened in a
blur that I didn't know what was really happening at all. May narinig nalang akong
sumisigaw ng sobrang lakas at nagkagulo sa ibaba ng stage. Nakaramdam ako ang
tuloy-tuloy na paghagis ng kung ano-ano sa akin. Gusto ko sanang maiyak pero
napangisi nalang ako. I welcomed everything that they threw on me. I didn't dodge a
single thing.

Hinayaan ko na batuhin nila ako hanggang sa biglang may humatak sa braso ko at

yumakap sakin para saluhin ang lahat ng tumatama sa akin. Naghalo man ang amoy ng
mga hinahagis nila sa akin, I can still smell the unique manly scent of the guy who
was hugging me. My heart beat raced.

Nakapulupot ang kaliwang braso niya sa likuran ko at nakalagay naman ang kanan sa
ulunan ko na isinubsob niya sa basang dibdib niya. It was slightly sweaty but he
still smelled great.

Biglang tumigil ang paghiyawan ng mga tao sa baba at mukhang natigil narin ang
paghagis nila ng mga kung ano-anong pwedeng ihagis sa akin.

I was hurt inside but I was more shocked and surprised. I may be a well known slut
on my last University but they never treated me like this. They were all indiscreet
about it. They made sure the way they treated me weren't flashy.Rule #09.

Sinubukan kong galawin ang braso ko at itinulak ko ng malakas ang taong yumakap sa
akin palayo. I was slightly surprised when I saw that it was Sed who hugged me.
Kaya pala tumibok ng malakas yung puso ko kanina, I just ignored it because I
figured that the emotion that I felt was not consequential.
He is wearing his jersey and I just realized how he was breathing hard. Nanggaling
siyang gym? Malayo-layo ang theater hall mula sa gym. Did he run? Bakit naman siya
tumakbo? Staring at him for a moment, he looked like he's some kind of knight in
shining jersey. Bukod sa pawis niya, nakita ko ang pag-aalala sa mukha ni Sed. I've
never seen that look from him before. Once in a while, may makikita akong bagong
emosyon sa mukha niya and I'll be excited to see more. I was alarmed by my thoughts
at agad-agad ko itong dinismiss mula sa utak ko. I smirked at him and then stared
at the crowd.

Inalis ko ang likido mula sa mukha ko. Pati ang mga ilang gulay na inaksiya nila
para mabato lang sa akin. Mga rich kids talaga ang mga ito. Kinuha ko ang mic mula
sa kamay ng babaeng nagsasalita kanina na ngayon ay tulala.

"Tapos na ba kayo?" I asked them. Nanatili silang tahimik.

"Aki." narinig kong sabi ni Sed. He was warning me to suck it up.

"Thank you for wasting your money, time and effort on me. It was all heart
warming." ibinalik ko ang microphone sa babae at matapos ay nag curtsy bago bumaba
ng stage at tumakbo palayo sa lugar na iyon.

When I got out of that big room of nothing but embarrassment, tsaka ko lang
naramdaman ang sakit sa dibdib at bigat sa pakiramdam. Hindi pa ako tuluyan
nakakalabas sa room ay natanawan ko agad si Chase mula sa malayo. Dala-dala niya
ang phone niya at mukhang may tinatawagan. Nang makita niya ako, he returned his
phone in his pocket pagkatapos ay lumakad ng mabilis para salubungin ako.

Tumakbo ako papalapit kay Chase para yumakap. Hindi ako umiyak kahit gusto ko na
siyang iyakan. Not in public. I don't want anyone to see my weak side. I'll never
let them have the joy of seeing me cry.

"Please get me out of here." I whispered on his chest and I felt Chase placing a
kiss on the top of my head.

Dinala ako ni Chase sa dala-dala niyang sasakyan. Wala siyang paki kung madumihan
ko ang upuan ng sasakyan niya. Wala siyang paki sa mga nakakita sa akin nung kasama
ko siya papuntang car park. He just drove to our favorite place. He left me inside
the car and let me cry everything out.
Iniyak ko muna ang lahat ng kaya kong iiyak at matapos ay lumabas para samahan siya
tingnan ang araw. Wala pang hapon kaya hindi pa sun set but I still appreciated the
view and his company.

I went home with a new pair of clothes. Nakiligo narin ako sa bahay nila Chase.
Kapag kasi umuwi ako ng mukhang nagbabad sa pagkain ng baboy-panigurado na mag-
aalala ang mga yon at lagi akong tatanungin kung ano na ang lagay ko sa University.
I'd rather keep them out of the dark. I managed to do it before, kaya ko rin
ngayon.

Nung pumasok ako, hinihiling ko na sana sa theater hall na nagtatapos ang kalokohan
nila. I just want them to get tired of me and realize that I'm not worth of their
attention pero mukhang nag-uumpisa palang sila.

I was walking at the hallway, on my way to my last class for the week with Sed on
it. Katulad ng usual, may mga tumitingin ulit sa akin na students. Some were
gawking pero kahit papaano-nabawasan na ang masasamang tingin. Few people laughed
when I passed by. It made me slightly conscious but like always, I pushed all the
emotions away.

Biglang may humawak sa likod ko and I heard a crumpling paper. Napahinto ako sa
paglalakad at napatingin ako sa lalaking humawak sa likod ko. I gasped a little
when I saw Sed standing in front of me.

"Nagpapauso ka nanaman ba ng fashion statement?" I almost dropped my jaw when I

heard him speak in a complete sentence. It was a very glorious moment but I decided
to disregard it and focus on what he said instead.

"What?" hinablot ko ang papel na nilukot niya. Inayos ko ito at binasa ang
nakalagay.

Campus Slut.

Wherever I go, I'm really living that title. Napangiti naman ako dito I tried
straightening the paper before placing it on my chest. Tumingin ako kay Sed. If
they're going to name me things, they should at least do it in my face, not my
back.

"Bagay ba?" I laughed, shaking my head before leaving him there.

Pumunta na ako sa room ko. I sighed at the new set of stares that I'll be
receiving. Pagkabukas na pagkabukas ko ng pinto, biglang naghiyawan ang buong
blockmates ko. They were all standing and clapping their hands. Napatingin naman
ako agad sa likod ko para tingnan kung sino yung pinapalakpakan nila.

"Astig mo Aki! Idol na kita!" may sumigaw na lalake at napakunot naman ang noo ko.
Ako talaga yung tinutukoy nila? Hinanap ko si Sasha sa mga nakatayo at nakita ko
ang malaking ngiti sa labi niya. She was clapping hard too. Napailing-iling ako at
tumawa.

Tinanggal ko ang papel na nakadikit sa dibdib ko at ibinandera ito na parang round

girl. They were all whistling as I walked in front of the class. Napahinto ang
pagsigaw nila nang biglang bumukas ulit ang pinto. It was Sed.

Napawi ang ngiti ko at unti-unti ko ring ibinaba ang papel na hawak-hawak ko. Sed's
face was impassive as always though. Nagsimulang maglakad si Sed papunta sa upuan
niya pero huminto siya nang matapos siya sa akin. He grabbed the paper from my hand
and ripped it apart before throwing it hard on the ground. Nagulat ako sa ginawa
niya kaya bigla akong naparalisa sa kinatatayuan ko. Mukhang nagulat din ang mga
blockmate ko dahil hindi sila nakaimik. Kung hindi pa dumating yung professor,
malamang mananatili akong nakatayo doon hanggang sa magring ang bell o hindi kaya
may maghatak sakin para umupo na pabalik sa upuan ko.

Habang naka-concentrate ang lahat sa pakikinig sa professor tungkol sa mga

announcement niya, agad akong tumingin kay Sed. Nakatingin lang din siya sa
professor like any other students inside the room pero blangko lang ang mukha niya.
Hindi ko mabasa kung ano ang iniisip niya. Bakit ganon ang inasal niya kanina? I
absent mindedly held my chest with my right hand.

Pinakaramdaman ko ang pagtibok ng puso ko. It was beating hard and slow. Sa bawat
oras na nakakasalamuha ko si Sed, lagi kong naririnig ang heart beat ko. May time
na mabilis ito at parang hindi ako makahinga at may time naman na katulad nito na
sobrang bagal na pakiramdam ko kukulangin ako sa dugo dahil nahihirapan parin ako
huminga.

He was ruining my entire body system. And that's absolutely not good.

May kumalabit sakin sa gilid. "Aki, okay ka lang?" napatingin ako kay Sasha pero
hinayaan ko lang na nakalagay ang kamay ko sa ibabaw ng dibdib ko. My heart beat
was slowing down. Nararamdaman ko ang pahinto-hinto ng mabagal na pagtibok ng puso
ko.
"Sasha, I think I can't breathe." sabi ko at biglang nandilat ang mga mata ni Sasha
sa akin. My lungs were starting to shrink down. I was having a hard time inhaling
oxygen.

"Sir! Sir! S-Si Aki po, h-hindi daw makahinga!" sigaw ni Sasha. Hindi parin naalis
ang kamay ko sa puso ko at pagpumipikit-pikit naman ako ay dumodoble ang paningin
ko sa bawat pagdilat ko.

"Ms. Zaragosa? Anyone? Pakibuhat si Ms. Zaragosa sa clinic!" dalawa man ang
paningin ko at umiikot man ang buong mundo ko, nakita ko ang pigura ni Sed na agad-
agad na tumayo para lumapit sa kinauupuan ko.

"Aki. Aki." tinapik-tapik ni Sasha ang braso ko pero parang biglang nagslow-mo ang
buong paligid ko.

Natanggal ang pagkakahawak ni Sasha sa braso ko nang maramdaman ko na bigla akong

lumutang sa ere. My visions started to blur as every sound around me sounds too
abnormal for my ears. Biglang humihina at lumalakas ang lahat ng naririnig ko. My
throat burned. I moaned. No.

At dahil nauubusan akong huminga, huminga ako ng malalim at naamoy ko ang isang
pamilyar na amoy ng lalaki. My mouth watered and I felt my blood's temperature
rising. I need to have him. Now.

Idinilat ko ang mata ko at sinubukan ko paganahin ang utak ko, pero wala talaga.
Malapit ng magdilim ang paningin ko, at sa oras na mawalan ako ng malay-I'll wake
up and pleasure the next human male that I can see.

"Akiko, breathe." I heard Sed say. Si Sed. Si Sed ang nagbubuhat sa akin. Nagsimula
akong magwala mula sa pagkakabuhat niya sa akin.

"L-let go of me." utos ko sakanya. He ignored me and continued on walking fast.

Napakagat ako sa labi ko. I counted one to ten while breathing in and out.

"I said fucking let go of me!" I yelled. Napahinto si Sed sa biglaang pagsigaw na
ginawa ko sakanya. Tinitigan niya ako sa mukha at nakatingin lang rin naman ako
sakanya. I kept my impassive reaction, mirroring his usual poker face. Hindi siya
nagsalita at tinitigan lang ako ng ilang minuto pero pagkatapos 'non ay ibinaba
niya rin ako.
"You're still not okay." katulad ng dati, wala parin tono ang boses ni Sed. Malamig
parin pero hindi ko maitanggi ang paglambot ng puso ko sa bawat pagsasalita na
ginagawa niya. Hinanap ko ang boses ko na nawala panandalian at sinagot si Sed.

"Okay na ako. Pwede ka ng umalis." nanatiling nakatayo si Sed sa harapan ko at

sumimangot ako.

"Ano pang tinatayo-tayo mo d'yan? Umalis ka na!" Sed's jaw clenched as soon as I
shouted at him. Hindi siya nagdalawang-isip na tumalikod para iwan ako katulad ng
gusto kong mangyari.

Parang may tumutusok sa loob ng puso ko nang iwan ako ni Sed sa-kung saang floor
niya man ako iniwan. Nararamdaman ko ang tingin ng ibang tao sa akin pero wala
akong pakialam. Hindi narin ako magugulat kung may panibagong tsismis nanaman ang
kakalat.

It's getting worse. Sinubukan kong wag pansinin pero habang tumatagal, palala ng
palala. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko.

*******************************************
Sorry

*******************************************

Eight
Sorry

Philosophy class basically felt like hell to me. Actually-all of my three classes
with Sed felt like hell. Self control ang pinapairal ko sa bawat segundong
lumilipas na kasama ko siya sa isang room. I don't have any idea why pero hindi ko
maiwasan ang mapatingin sa kanya. Pinilit ko maging busy buong week. Isang linggo
kong iniwasan si Sed.

For a week, pilit kong kinakalimutan ang lahat nangyari sa akin-sa amin nitong
nakaraang linggo. Hindi ko siya pinapansin at katulad ko, hindi niya rin ako
pinapansin. He never initiated any conversation, kahit na I secretly want him too.
Ni-magtagpo ang landas namin hindi nangyayari unless may klase kaming dalawa. At
never niya akong tinapunan ng tingin.

Hindi katulad ng dati na pagkapasok ko, magkakatinginan kami-ngayon, nahahalata

kong umiiwas narin siya sa akin. O baka wala lang talaga siyang paki. Baka
nagkakataon lang dati na napapatingin siya sa akin. Bumalik na sa dati ang lahat
pero ang pagi-isip ko-ganon parin.

Minsan napapasimangot nalang ako sa sarili ko paghinihintay kong lumapit siya sa

akin para kausapin ako. Sa hindi malamang dahilan, hinahanap-hanap ko ang
monosyllables na way ng pagsasalita niya. Sa hindi malamang dahilan-mas gusto ko na
laitin niya ako ng laitin kaysa wag pansinin ng ganito. It was obviously a bad
sign.

When I first saw him, I knew he was trouble. His whole face and body spelled danger
and yet I still gave him my attention. I let him pass through me and I didn't even
try flirting with him. Alam kong kasalananan ko 'to. Dati rati, umpisa palang
tinatanggal ko na ang mga threat at makakagulo sa sistema ko but I let myself enjoy
his presence. At ngayon, hinahanap-hanap ko siya. Hinahanap ko siya kahit na ako
rin naman ang nagtulak palayo sakanya.

Kaya lang naman ako ganito ay dahil hindi ako sanay sa matagal na presence ng
lalaki. I'm used with my Dads, Kuya Jax and Chase. Pero yung iba? Panandalian lang
silang lahat. I never engage with guys. Unless I need something from them. Umiiwas
lang ako sa mga bagay na pwedeng makasira at makasakit sa akin. It's safer that
way.

"Maybe you should make him your conquest." Chase suggested. Napahinto ako sa
paglagay ng crackers sa bunganga ko at napatingin sakanya.

"Are you serious?" tumingin sakin si Chase at nagkibit balikat. He texted me kanina
na wala daw silang klase dahil may sakit yung professor nila. Saktong vacant ko yon
kaya pumayag ako. Si Sasha, may meeting with her group mates tungkol sa reporting
nila. Meron rin kaming meeting pero mukhang hindi naman na ako kailangan doon.

Kaya ngayon, nakatambay kami sa labas na gilid ng gym kung saan may mga stalls ng
pagkain. Maraming tumitingin sa amin. Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa gwapo kong kasama
o dahil sa akin. Pwede ring both. Gumagawa na siguro sila ng conclusions nila
tungkol sa aming dalawa. Kadalasan gusto ko nalang tawanan ang mga balita na
nabubuo tungkol sa akin. Yung iba kasi, halatang hindi makatotohanan. Pero in
fairness, pwede na silang maging writer sa sobrang galing nilang gumawa ng kwento.

"You told me you can't do someone twice dahil nanghihina ka lang sakanila when
they're around right?" I bit my lip and looked at him, taking his suggestion into
consideration. Unti-unting nagkaroon ng ngisi sa labi ko pero napasimangot din ako
ulit.

"You're a genius. Except for the fact that he's not interested. Duh." sabi ko dito
sabay irap at sumimangot naman siya.
"Then make him interested. You're not named Hedone for nothing." napasimangot ako.
I almost wanted to punch his face for calling me with my second name. Hedone is an
English transliteration of a Greek word meaning pleasure. Hedone was the spirit or
daimona of pleasure, enjoyment and delight. Since she's the daughter of Eros, God
of Love, Hedone is often associated with sensual pleasure. It's funny because the
name seemed to be accurate because it suits me. I guess I was born for this to
happen.

I sighed. "I can't fall in love with him Chase. I can't fall in love with anyone
and have anyone love me back. Despite of my name, pleasure, I know I'll only cause
them pain."

"Then you know what to do." napasimangot ako. Gusto ko pa sana siyang sagutin. No.
I don't know what to do. How can I make someone who's cold as Sed to be interested
in someone like me? Not that I'm belittling myself. I just don't see it happening.
Lalo na at hindi maganda ang huling pag-uusap namin. I basically yelled at him.

Tumusok ng fishball si Chase mula sa plastic cup niya at itinapat ito sa bibig ko.
Ngumiti siya sakin and I laughed before taking a bite. Iniisip ko kung paano ko
makukuha ang interest ni Sed. How can I make someone be interested with a girl who
has a reputation of being a flirt and a whore? Iniisip ko kung itutuloy ko ba ang
planong 'to. It sounded crazy but he's right. If I want to keep my heart safe-then
I need to do this. Pero bakit parang hindi ko kayang gawin yon kay Sed? I can't
bring myself to use him like I normally use guys.

"Four o'clock." napatingin agad ako kay Chase at nakita ko ang pagnguso niya sa
isang dereksyon. He looked annoyed when he pointed his lips. Lumingon naman ako
agad at nakita ko si Sed. He was walking with some guys. Galing sila sa gym so I
guess they just finished practicing. Kahit na basang-basa siya ng pawis, hindi
parin mapagka-kaila ang kagwapuhan niya. Hindi ko tuloy mapigilan ang sarili ko na
mapabuntong hininga.

Biglang tumingin si Sed dito. Nagkatama ang tingin naming dalawa. I caught my
breath. Katulad ng dati, walang bahid ng kahit anong emosyon ang mukha niya pero
bigla ko nalang narinig ang pagtibok ng puso ko. Bumigat ang pakiramdam ko at para
akong binuhusan ng malamig at nagye-yelong tubig sa nararamdaman ko sa dibdib ko.
Natatakot ako.

I bit my bottom lip. "Chase?"

"Yeah?" umiwas ng tingin si Sed at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad. Napako ang tingin ko

sa kinatatayuan niya kanina.
"I'm going to pleasure Sed."

Nabuo ang desisyon ko sa planong aakitin ko si Sed. All I need to do is pleasure

him until he reaches climax and I will stop from feeling whatever this is.

Buong gabi kong pinag-isipan ang gagawin kong plano ko. It's not like I'm going to
make Sed fall. I just need to flirt with him and get what I want from him. But from
Sed's personality, I don't think siya yung tipo na pumapatol lang kung kani-kanino.

Maybe I should-I don't know, pretend to be someone he likes? Hindi ko talaga alam
ang gagawin ko. Never naman ako nagpakahirap na makuha ang conquest ko. Because I'm
a five years certified slut, I can sense whether a guy is easy or not. Well-most of
them are easy kaya hindi naman mahirapan yun. And since I'm an expert, I can say
that Sed is not easy.

Buong klase namin, wala akong ginawa kundi titigan si Sed. Tinitigan ko siya habang
nag-iisip ng paraan. Can't I just bluntly ask him like I always do to my other
conquests? But then again, Sed is not just another conquest. Bigla akong siniko ni
Sasha at napatingin naman ako agad sakanya, breaking my chain of thoughts.

"Wag mo masyadong titigan, baka matunaw." pang-aasar ni Sasha sa akin at sumimangot

naman ako.

I ignored her banter and asked her. "Nakakausap mo ba yung kambal mo?"

"Hindi masyado. Pag lang umuuwi sa place namin. Why?" tumingin ako kay Sasha, for
the first time in history, I was curious.

"You mean, dorm ka rin? Saan ba ang place niyo?" Sasha looked happy kasi I was
interested in her. Usually kasi, siya lagi yung nagtatanong. Hindi naman kasi ako
mahilig makipag-usap. Maliban sa pamilya ko at kay Chase, wala na akong kinakausap
na iba. Ngayon nga lang ulit ako dumaldal sa same gender ko after five years.

"Tarlac." napanganga ako.

"Wow, for a thought that you guys were born in Manila." she shrugged.

"May bahay din kami sa Manila, dun ako nakatira. Si kambal lang yung dorm kasi mas
malapit daw sa University. Kasali siya sa varsity kaya minsan maaga palang, nagte-
train na siya."

"He really loves basketball? It's not just stereotyping?" tanong ko at biglang
lumawak ang ngiti ni Sasha sa tanong ko pero may lungkot sa mga mata niya pero
nakuha niya paring tumango.

"We-" she cleared her throat. "Uhm. We had an older brother, his name is Dustin." I
frowned at her tenses. I don't think she's grammatically incorrect though. Obvious
naman na-anak mayaman si Sasha.

"Had?"

Huminga ng malalim si Sasha bago ako sagutin sa katanungan ko. "Dustin died in a
fraternity iniciation nung nag-aaral siya sa states." my mouth dropped at what
Sasha just shared. How can she be so open to me? She shared a big part of her life,
at hindi man lang siya naiyak.

"I'm sorry." out of all the many times that I have apologized in my life, this is
one of those times when I said it and truly mean it.

Umiling-iling sa akin si Sasha like it was no big deal.

"Mahal ko si Kuya, pero hindi kami close. We may be twins but he is more attached
to Kuya Dustin than me. Siya ang nagturo kay Sedrick ng basketball. That's why
Sedrick values basketball so much." huminto siya sa pagke-kwento at ibinalik ang
tingin sakin. "Wait, inililigaw mo ako-bakit mo natanong kung nag-uusap kami?" I
scratched the back of my neck before answering.

"He got mad of me last time. I think."

"Si Sed? Nagagalit?" she looked so confused.

"I sort-of yelled at him last time..." tumango-tango si Sasha sakin, like she knows
what I am saying.

"Magsorry ka nalang, although I doubt na galit sayo yun. He may be full of pride
but he knows when to accept an apology. After class natin, vacant niya. I'm sure
nasa roof top siya, pag wala baka nasa gym." tumango ako.

"Last question." I raised my pointing finger and supported my wrist with my other
hand while trying to look cute. Tinaasan ako ng kilay ni Sasha and I flushed before
I can even ask my last question.

"Anong type ni Sed sa isang babae?" unti-unting nandilat ang mata ni Sasha. She
gasped out loud.

"May gusto ka kay S-" mabilis kong tinakpan ang bibig niya dahil nakakuha ito ng
maraming atensyon. Tumingin muna ako sa buong room. Buti nalang at lumabas yung
prof namin or else that would have been embarrassing for me. Wala naman kasing hiya
si Sasha, kaya I doubt that. Huli kong tiningnan si Sed pero mukhang wala naman
siyang narinig. Nakahinga naman ako ng maluwag at binitawan siya.

"Wag kang maingay. Please lang." her jaw dropped.

"So you really like him?" my eyes widened.

"Hell no! Hindi ko siya gusto. I'm not into cold guys who are mute. I refer my men,
lively and responsive." Sasha just gave me a smug grin. Totoo naman yung sinabi ko.
I've never liked silent types. Mostly kasi, sila yung mga gentlemen. I don't meddle
with nice guys. They are too nice to be used by someone who's greedy and callous as
me.

"Denial. Bakit mo tinatanong, aber?"

"Plain curiousity." I casually shrugged like the question didn't matter at all.
Although I'm really curious as to what he likes in a girl. Sasha tapped her chin.

"Let's see, let's see. Isa lang ang naging long time girlfriend ni Sed. Si Honey.
Her name might sound sweet but I swear she's a two faced bitch.
So I guess she's into psychotic girls." biglang lumawak ngiti ko. Kung ganon lang
pala ang kailangan, pasadong-pasado na ako.

"Uy, ang ngiti. Bagay ba sa'yo yung characteristic?" tanong ni Sasha and my smile
turned into frown. I sarcastically smiled at her.

"Kung yung kambal mo suplado, ikaw buskaraydo. Bahala ka nga sayo." umirap ako at
matapos ay yumuko para matulog nalang. Biglang tinusok ni Sasha ang tagiliran ko
kaya napaupo naman ako agad dahil malakas ang kiliti ko doon.

"Aki, pwede naman kita ilakad eh. Sabihin mo lang, gusto mo itakbo pa kita."
panunudyo nito and I just rolled my eyes and continued ignoring her for the rest of
the day.

Nung nagpaalam na ako na mauuna ako, inasar ako agad na hahanapin ko yung kambal
niya. I just waved her off and she's right anyway. Hahanapin ko yung kambal niya.
Dumeretso ako sa rooftop, again, wasting two hours of energy. I can't exhaust
myself too much, I'm trying to budget my own energy kasi. And going on rooftop
isn't really helping.

Nang makaakyat ako, nakita ko si Sed na nakaupo sa edge ng rooftop like last time.
Just a look on is back and my heart is already ready to jump off my chest. Huminga
ako ng malalim at hinigpitan ang pagkakasara ng kamao ko to get some strength and
courage. Nakapikit akong lumapit sakanya at patalikod na umupo para hindi makita
ang ibaba ng building.

Sed is not dumb to not realize that I'm beside him. Nanatili kaming nakaupo,
tahimik at wala kahit sino sa amin ang nagsasalita. It was just us in an open
space, no talking just listening.

"You can apologize anytime now." biglang sabi ni Sed, mimicking what I've told him
the last time we were here.

Hindi pa ako nagsisimula, I already feel guilty of what I had planned in mind. I
won't only be making a fool out of Sed-I'll also be lying to his twin, my only
friend in this hell hole. Kinuha ko ang papel mula sa bulsa ko at matapos ay inabot
ito sakanya.
He took it after staring for about one minute and a half. Something was eating my
chest when he unfolded the letter to read what I've written inside.

He snorted. "Unoriginal."

"Monosyllable." tumingin siya sa akin at tumingin din naman ako sakanya. We just
stared at each other. Unti-unting lumabas ang ngiti sa labi ni Sed. Yung ngiti na
ipinagraramot niya sa lahat ng maraming tao. He looked incredibly handsome that it
hurts to see him smile. My heart broke at his first genuine smile for me. He smiled
and I apologized.

"I'm sorry." I wasn't sure if I'm apologize for yelling at him last time or for
what I was about to do.

*******************************************
Almost

*******************************************

Nine
Almost

Three days, I started learning all that I can learn about Sed. From his dislikes to
his likes. I found out that he's loves listening to Ed Sheeran, Boys like girls,
Secondhand Serenade and Mayday Parade. He hates Japanese food, since he's not a fan
of eating raw fish. He loves dark chocolates. He hates the color orange but loves
the color red. His secret talent is singing. He loves playing zombie tsunami on his
phone. Paborito niyang fruit is mangoes. He has collections of basketball signature
shoes.

It was a non-ending list and I tried my best to remember everything. It was

interesting to know these small details about Sed although I think I'd like it
better kung siya mismo ang magsasabi sakin ng lahat na yon. Since Sasha is Sed's
twin, siya na ang gumawa ng listahan para sa akin. Inilagay niya pati mga awards ng
kapatid niya. Pati kung saan parte ito nagkaroon ng sugat o anong nangyari doon.
She never missed any single information about his brother.

It was sweet since ako-wala naman ako gaanong alam kay Kuya Jax dahil nga malayo na
siya ngayon, but we used to be close.

Today is a little-uncomfortable for me since I'm already wearing my very own

regular uniform. And damn it if it's not hot. I'm wearing a white blouse with long
sleeves and a long black necktie that goes all the way to my stomach. The skirt is
two inches below the knees. I looked really pure and innocent. I can't say the same
with my face covered in make up though. The red lipstick ruined the conservative
image. It was a total contradiction.

Today is also the day. I'm going to make sure that Sed will be interested in me by
the end of the day. I considered playing nice for him and decided that I should
just stick with my bitchy-flirty attitude. It's what I usually use when I'm on a
mission. I was so nervous yesterday that I even annoyed Chase the whole night. What
if he calls my bluff? What if he finds out? What am I thinking about? He'll never
find out. Paano naman niya malalaman yon? It sounds crazy that no one would ever
consider it. If I didn't know, I wouldn't consider it myself.

Chase assured me that everything will be okay and that after this, everything will
be back to normal. No more pesky bugs, no more shrinking lungs, no more pounding
heart. No more malfunctioning system. Just-normal. Pagkapasok ko sa room, they gave
me the usual stare pero this time it was all friendly. They finally realized that
I'm not half bad and not that much of a bitch.

Agad akong tumingin sa puwesto ni Sed. Like always, tahimik lang siya pero unlike
nitong nakaraang linggo-bumalik na kami sa pagtinginan namin sa tuwing papasok ako.
I gave him a happy smile and he just looked away. I made a face and rolled my eyes,
going straight to my sit.

"Omg, gerl. Pinablush mo si kambal!" inilapag ko ang bag ko and I grunted.

"If blushing is defined as looking away, then yes, I successfully made him blush."
Sasha giggled.

"Natutuwa ako sa'yo. Pag dadamoves ka, tawagin mo ko ha? I love watching you seduce
my brother." tinaasan ko naman siya ng kilay.

"Natutuwa ka gagamitin ko kapatid mo?" biglang nanlaki ang mata niya sa akin. She
was caught off guard.

"Gagamitin?" her voice slightly died. I mentally bit my lips. Damn my big mouth. I
quickly tried thinking of something na masasagot ko sakanya. I slowly nodded my
head when I thought of one.

"Oo, gagamitin ko siya para mahalin ako." I almost vomited and Sasha did it for me.
She gagged and shook her head.
"Okay, that's just gross and sickening. But anyway, you two are not teens anymore.
Legal age na kami ni Sedrick. I'm not really the conservative type, but-Akiko-
please don't break my brother's heart. I know it seems impossible but Sedrick is
really affectionate. He might not be expressive pero pag nagmahal siya, nagmahal
siya. Walang bawian, kaya niyang panindigan." something clenched on my heart. It
made my stomach twist thrice before I can finally shake the uneasy feeling away.

Maybe I made the right choice-I'll finish this as soon as I can to avoid being
attached with him and vice versa. I'm doing this to save myself. To save him in
process. I can't love someone and promise not to hurt them, because I know I'll
only break it anyway. No matter what happens, I'll always be Hedone.

Tumayo ako at mukhang nabigla naman si Sasha sa bigla kong pagtayo. Nakatingin ako
sa pwesto ni Sed, thinking if I should just approach him or not. Mukhang wala naman
siyang ideya na may katulad ko na nag-iisip kung lalapitin siya o hindi dahil
nakikinig siya sa earphones niya. Siguro pinapakinggan niya yung paborito niyang
banda at singer.

"Aki, okay ka lang? Nahihirapan ka ba ulit huminga?"

"Kakausapin ko lang si Sed." hindi ko na hihintay si Sasha na makasagot. Lumakad

nalang ako deretso kay Sed. Umupo ako sa tabi niya pero hindi niya naramdaman,
hindi niya rin ako napansin kasi nakapikit siya. Tinitigan ko ng mabuti ang mukha
ni Sed. Kung sa malayo, gwapong-gwapo na ako sakanya-hindi ko alam kung anong
adjective ang pwede ko pang gamitin para ilarawan kung gaano siya kagwapo. Pink
parin ang labi niya. It looked sweet, and I wonder if it tastes like it.

"Stop staring." napapikit-pikit ako sa bigla niyang pagsalita at idinilat niya ang
mata niya at tinanggal ang nakalagay na earphone sa kabilang tenga niya.

"May nagsabi na ba sa'yo na gwapo ka?" tanong ko dito.

"Everyday." I scoffed. Gusto kong magmake face sakanya pero sa isip ko nalang yon
ginawa. Hindi ba sanay maging humble ang isang 'to? Kung gaano siya kagwapo, ganoon
din kapangit ang ugali. Ugh. You can't really have everything in life.

"May nagsabi narin ba sa'yo na ang hangin mo?" hindi ko napigilan ang bibig ko sa
paggalaw.
Sed snorted. "Wala."

"Good. I like being first." I nodded. "Ang hangin mo."

What are you saying Akiko? That's hardly the way to make him like you! Imbis na
landiin, nilalait mo pa siya. Natigil ako sa iniisip ko nang biglang tumawa si Sed.
Nakita ko ulit ang nakakasilaw na ngiti niya. Ang sarap pakinggan ng tawa niya.
Para siyang kumakanta. And I wonder what his singing voice sounds like.

"Brave." simpleng sabi nito matapos maka-recover sa pagtawa na ginawa niya. Hindi
ko siya narinig dahil on loop parin ang pagtawa na ginawa niya sa utak at tenga ko.

"Ano?" umiling-iling nalang si Sed sa akin at matapos ay ibabalik sana ang earphone
sa tenga niya pero mabilis kong hinawakan ang kamay niya para pigilan siya.

"Wait. May practice kayo mamaya?"

"1pm." nginitian ko siya ng napakawalak.

"Manonood ako ha?" hindi ko alam kung nasa utak ko lang yon pero parang nakita ko
ang pagkislap ng mata ni Sed. Wala pang limang segundo ay bigla rin itong nawala.

"Your choice." he shrugged and placed his earphone back to his ear. Nararamdaman ko
nanaman ang gumagapang na mga insekto sa tiyan ko kaya mabilis akong umalis doon at
bumalik sa pwesto ko. Tinaasan lang ako ng kilay ni Sasha sa ginawa kong paglapit
sa kambal niya. Alam kong nang-aasar siya kaya hindi ko nalang siya pinansin.
Katulad ng sinabi ko kay Sed, dumaan ako sa gym para panuorin ang pagpractice nila.

Umupo ako sa inupuan namin ni Sasha last time. I kept my eyes locked on Sed. He was
so focused on warming up that I doubt he can even notice my presence. The warm up
ended when a guy wearing a jersey approached me.

"You're Akiko right?" I immediately looked at him and saw an okay looking guy. He's
tall, lean, lovely lips that I would be okay in kissing. He's easy. Tinaasan ko
siya ng kilay.

"Depends on what's your purpose." I smirked. I don't mind changing plans before
going to the art room-I'm tired of hunting on clubs.

"The legendary Hedone. Man, I thought you were a myth." I couldn't help but snort.
He sounded so fazed, is it a big deal to see me?

"I'm real as I can be." I gave him a short laugh, shaking my head.

"I've heard about you since I was- what? 17? You're pretty well known for giving
guys a mind blowing-" I coughed, interrupting him from his obscene language.

"Do you kiss your mother with such filthy mouth?"

"I'm really honored to meet you." I sweetly smiled. Napatingin ako sa basketball
court. Hindi parin nagsisimula ang practice game pero may kanya-kanya silang bola
at nagsho-shoot, some were trying to master their skills in stealing and defense.

Mukhang hanggang ngayon hindi parin napapansin ni Sed na pumunta ako dito. Ano ba
gusto niya gawin ko? Magcheer with matching pompoms? Or maybe he saw me pero mas
pinili niya lang na wag akong pansinin.

"Can I ask you a favor?" tumango siya. Tumingin ako sa orasan and noticed that I
just spent one and a half hour watching them warm up.

"Can you say hi to Sed for me? Tell him that I'd love to watch you guys play but I
need to go to the art room." he nodded. Tinapunan ko ng huling tingin si Sed na
busy sa pagshoot ng bola.

I sighed and left the gym for my painting practice. Walang tao sa art room which
I'm thankful. I prefer painting alone. I got my phone and plugged it to the speaker
to set my mood in painting.

I twisted my hair with a paintbrush since I forgot my ponytail holder. I wore the
white apron hanging by the wall and prepared the paints and brushes that I need.
May naka-set up na canvas sa harap kaya nabawasan ang ginagawa kong preparation.
I stared at the blank canvas, thinking of something to paint. I remembered
sketching Sed last time. It wouldn't hurt to try painting him right?

I grabbed a pencil and started re-sketching Sed's face. I wish I had a picture of
him to make the painting more realistic. It was difficult since I'm only using my
mind to remember what he really looks like. One stroke for the first thin layer and
I already lost myself in the painting. I can almost visualize my own face. My
eyebrows are meeting in the middle, my eyes all alarmed and focused. My lips were
slightly puckered in concentration. I tried making the painting look realistic.
Like it's been photographed with a camera.

I think three hours had already passed and I'm still not finished. Not even close.
I have only painted ¼ of his face, ¼ lang yon pero kita parin na gwapo ang lalaking
subject. I sighed.

"Are you planning to sleep here overnight?" I jumped when someone suddenly talked.
Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko sa gulat. I hissed and turned my attention to the person
who shocked the hell out of me.

It was Sed. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag. Si Sed lang pala-shit! Bigla kong hinubad ang
apron na suot ko at ipinatong iyon para matakpan ang painting. I just hope it won't
smudge and ruin the whole painting.

"A-Anong ginagawa mo dito?" He shrugged.

"Recreation." "You're not even painting."

"I enjoyed watching you paint." I felt my cheeks slowly being taken over by crimson
red. I quickly shook the feeling off, hiding it with a smirk.

"You're talking in complete sentences now." I saw his lips twitch for a smile but
he stopped it before it can even escape.

"I'm leaving." tumalikod siya at maglalakad na paalis but I stopped him.

"Wait!" it was too loud for the room that it slightly echoed. I cringed at how my
voice sounded too desperate for him to stay. Tumalikod siya at tinaasan ako ng
kilay without uttering a single word.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko pa sakanya. This is my opportunity.

Pero hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Flirting with my conquests has always been easy-
I can easily get what I want. I can seduce them with just one wink. Pero iba talaga
kay Sed. It's like my five years of flirting experience is useless.

I licked my lips and slowly walked my way to where he's standing at. Naririnig ko
nanaman ang pagbagal ng tibok ng puso ko. Biglang nawala ang kahit anong ingay sa
buong room. The whole room faded and all I can see is Sed. He was waiting for me to
come closer. His expression was cold and yet I'm sweating. Our bodies were
centimeters apart. Nakatingala ang ulo ko dahil mas matangkad sa akin si Sed.
Katulad ko, nakatingin lang rin siya sa akin.

Mas lalong lumakas ang bawat pintig ng puso ko. I took my time staring at his
facial featurues. His well shaped eyebrows. His long, black eyelashes. His eyes are
shaped like an almond. I can't help but melt over his gray eyes that sometimes look
like blue. Sed's strong definitive jaw didn't help me stop from drooling over him.
It was so perfect that I want to trace my tongue over and over again. Then my gaze
turned into his perfect, sweet-looking pink lips.

He looked so perfect that it seemed unfair for the other male creatures living in
this earth. I tiptoed and slowly leaned in to meet my face with his. Nakatitig lang
sa akin si Sed-hinihintay ang susunod na gagawin ko. My eyes automatically closed
when our nose brushed.

"What are you doing?" It made me stop from moving. I quickly opened my eyes and
then everything came back one by one. Narinig ko na ang paligid, pati ang
tumutugtog na malakas mula sa speaker. It was Pink singing about being a rockstar.

The art room appeared in my vision again. I was surprised at how close our body
were, stumbling as I stepped back. Sed was frowning when I tried to get a reaction
from him. His eyes were still on me and I suddenly felt ashamed of what I almost
did. Hindi nakasagot sa tanong niya dahil nagulat rin ako. I planned to kiss him. I
planned to take what I wanted-what I needed but it was so different-everything was
so detailed. Hindi na hinintay ni Sed ang sagot ko.

Tumalikod siya at lumakad paalis ng art room. He left me alone-leaving me

unsatisfied and suddenly craving to find someone to quench my thrist.

*******************************************
Let the games begin

*******************************************
Ten
Let the games begin

Paano magpapansin sa taong hindi ka pinapansin?

Madali lang naman yon. Edi magpapansin ka. Gawin mo ang lahat ng pwedeng gawin para
mapansin ka lang niya. Kung kinakailangan mong isigaw ang pangalan niya sa harap ng
maraming tao, why not. Kung kinakailangan mong batuhin siya ng bola para lang
tingnan ka niya, why not. Kung kinakailangan mong rumampa sa harap niya ng hubo't
hubad, why the hell not!

Katulad ng ginagawa ko ngayon. No, hindi ako naka hubo't hubad. Sinusubukan ko lang
magpapansin. Wala pang isang buwan ang lumipas simula ng mabali ko ang Rule #06.
May bago nanaman akong nabali mula sa rules ko. Rule #05: Don't bother pleasing
anybody. I was trying to please Sed. I need to please him. Emotionally for now,
physically later.

I decided to follow Sed for the whole day. I want to make a point. I want to send a
message that I'm going to be around-everywhere-for a long time. Anyway, if I want
him to be interested in me then I need to let him see that I'm interested in him.

Nauna akong dumating kay Sed sa room namin for today. Which is a big surprise.
Dumeretso ako sa tabi ni Sasha pero hindi ako umupo. Inilapag ko lang ang shoulder
bag ko sa arm chair. "Nasaan na?" tanong ko. Sumimangot si Sasha at inabot sakin
ang papel na hinihingi ko sakanya.

Kinuha ko ito mula sa kamay niya at tiningnan ng may ngiti sa labi.

"Sigurado ka ba sa gagawin mo Aki? I mean-alam kong deds ka sa kambal ko, pero

talagang susundan mo siya buong araw?" ngumiti ako. "Mauumay agad sa'yo yun."

"Sinasanay ko lang siya since I'm going to be around for a while." umiling-iling si
Sasha.

"For a thought na hindi mo siya gusto. I thought you were different Akiko." Sasha
dramatically uttered and I made a face.
"You concluded that and I never confirmed anything. Your brother is handsome and
very attractive, and I'm a girl who knows how to appreciate when someone is
handsome and very attractive."

She exaggeratedly gasped. "Katawan lang ang habol mo kay Sedrick?"

"How did you know?" I widenly grinned. She made a face.

"When you and Sed finally do it-please spare me from the gory details."

"Oh, I'll keep you updated." kumindat ako at matapos ay kinuha ang bag ko mula sa
arm chair. Tatalikod na ako para umalis pero biglang hinawakan ni Sasha ang braso
ko.

"Where are you going?"

"Sa tabi ng upuan ni Sed." her eyes widened.

"You're not serious."

"I've never been serious in my life. Sitting with him would be a dream came true."
I naively batted my eyelashes and Sasha groaned.

"You're insane." I giggled and gave her a flying kiss before walking my way to the
chair beside Sed's.

I patiently waited for Sed to come like a kid waiting for her Christmas present.
Sed has never been late. To be honest, lagi nga siyang nauuna sakin. This is really
a first. Tumingin pa ako ng ilang beses kay Sasha at kinukunutan ito ng noo bago
tingnan ang upuan sa tabi ko at ibalik ang tingin sakanya. She's just shrugging her
shoulders like she really have no idea.

Bumukas ang pinto-initial reaction ng klase ay ang mapatahimik since they're

expecting na yung professor ang darating. My hope increased when I saw Sed from the
door way. He looked menacingly handsome like always.
Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko sa pagngiti.

I saw him look at my seat before walking inside the room. His eyebrows scrunched at
Sasha. They were communicating with their eyes. Sasha looked at my direction and
pointed her lips. Tumingin agad si Sed sa kinauupuan ko at mukhang nagulat kasi
nakita niya akong nakaupo sa tabi ng upuan niya. He shook his head like he thought
of something but brushed it away from his mind.

Nagpatuloy na siya sa paglakad papunta sa kinauupuan ko. He sat on his usual seat.
I began twiddling my thumbs, a sign that I'm nervous. Huminga ako ng malalim bago
siya subukan kausapin.

Iniisip ko na kung ano ang pwede kong sabihin sakanya. Kung paano ako magsisimula
ng conversation namin. Pinag-aralan ko narin kung paano ang magiging tono ng boses
ko. Kung paano ko iaarte ang kamay ko habang nagsasalita ako. Kung paano ako
magpro-project with my face pero gusto kong batukan ang sarili ko. Ang dami-dami
kong kinabisa at cinonsider na sasabihin sakanya pagkatapos eto lang ang nasabi ko.

"Hi."

I wanted to face palm right now pero pinigilan ko. I wanted to bury my face on the
arm chair pero pinigilan ko rin. I already sounded pathetic, gagawin ko pa ba
lalong pathetic ang sarili ko?

"What are you doing here." from the sound of his voice, he said it like it was a
statement, not a question. I shrugged.

"Gusto kitang makatabi." his lips pursed and I can't read his face. He wasn't
startled or shocked though. He wasn't giving anything away and it sucks. Gusto ko
malaman ang iniisip niya. Gusto ko malaman kung ano ang totoong saloobin niya.

That's what made Sed more attractive. He's so secretive that you'd want to find out
everything about him. He's like a mysterious puzzle that you want to solve. You'll
do everything that you can to arrange the clues that he'll give and work hard to
break the riddle.

"Okay." and that was it. Agad-agad niyang sinuot ang earphones, blocking my
attempts from making a conversation.
Sed is really a hopeless case. He's so unresponsive that I feel like I'm not doing
the right thing.

Binigyan ko ng tingin si Sasha, like I was asking for help. She frowned at me but
it was quickly replaced by a bright grin.

She quickly pointed at her ears and then pointed back to Sed. I think she's trying
to make me ask Sed about the song that he was listening. I nodded at her and she
sticked out her thumbs. I returned my undivided attention to Sed. Tinapik ko siya
ng bahagya sa braso.

He sighed before removing the earphones from his ears. "What?"

I grinned. "Ano ang pinapakinggan mo? Mayday Parade? Ed Sheeran? Secondhand

Serenade? Boys like Girls?" he frowned at my question. Great, now I sounded like an
obsessed stalker.

"Not that I have an idea that they're your favorites." dagdag ko dito at tinaasan
ako ng kilay ni Sed. That's the time when I finally let myself face palm at my
stupidity. Sed shook his head at my absurdity. He was about to plug the earphones
back to his ears when I stopped him.

"Pwede parinig rin?" I asked. He scowled.

"No." and my second attempt in making a conversation-failed. I really don't think

this is working. Not at all.

Hindi ko na pinansin si Sed sa buong klase. Nang magring ang electric bell, tumayo
agad si Sed without even saying goodbye to me. I huffed and then looked at Sasha to
wave goodbye. She just winked at me and that was my cue to follow Sed.

Tumakbo pa ako para lang mahabol siya sa paglalakad niya. He looked at me like he
was annoyed and I almost laughed at his reaction. Nakakatuwa rin pala mambuska.
Maybe I should just make him feel my presence and annoy him at the same time. Para
naman hindi lang ako yung nabubuska. Mas maganda pag the feeling's mutual diba?
"Why are you following me?" tanong nito with big steps since he has pretty long
muscled legs, it was hard for me to keep up. Nagwa-walkathon na nga ako sa sobrang
laki ng mga hakbang niya eh.

"Why? You embarrassed that the campus' slut is following you around?" I heard him
inwardly groan.

Ipinagpatuloy niya ang paglalakad niya papunta sa susunod niyang klase. Engineering
Management. Hindi ko pa iyon napag-aaralan pero may nabasa na ako dati na ganyan
when I was browsing books. Hindi ko pa tine-take ang subject na yon dahil fourth
year college palang naman ako. Hindi fifth. Sed is already in his fifth year. Kaya
ko lang siya naging kaklase sa ibang klase ay dahil dinrop niya ang subjects na yon
before dahil madali lang naman daw ito-according to his twin. The reason why Sed is
in fifth year and Sasha's not is because Sed took summer classes. I don't know how
he manages to play ball and study. Being a civil engineering student is a total
time consumer. Plus, nakaka-stress pa.

Pumasok na si Sed sa isang room at sumunod naman ako agad sakanya. I was used to
their unwanted glares and stares kaya I successfully ignored them. Katulad ng
kanina, umupo rin ako sa tabi ni Sed. This time, hindi na siya nagsuot ng earphones
though hindi ko rin tinry na kausapin siya.

"Hedone." may tumawag sakin sa likuran ko. Napanganga ako nang makita ko ang
bartender mula sa club na pinuntahan ko last time. He looked brutally breathtaking
out of the dark shadows and strobe lights. Bakit hindi ko ba napansin ang
kagwapuhan niya that night? But wait-how did he know my name? I smirked, my alter
ego taking place.

"Hiya there, stranger." tinaasan ko siya ng kilay, playing a smirk on my lips."I

didn't realize you're in this class."

"That's because I'm not."

"Then to whom do I owe this favor?"

"The person beside me." I angled my head to my left. A scowl formed in his lips
pero inalis niya rin ito agad. He nodded in acknowledgement.

"Didn't know you were taken." he sounded really disappointed.

"That's because I'm not." I repeated and he chuckled. Mukhang nagustuhan niya yung
sagot ko.

"Do you still want an absolute royal fuck?" the person beside me abruptly cleared
his throat. Napatingin naman kami pareho dito. I stopped myself from smiling. Hindi
ko pinansin si Sed at pinagpatuloy ang pakikipag-usap kay-hindi ko alam ang
pangalan niya.

"Maybe sometime. On the house?" I raised my eyebrow and he quickly nodded his head.

"Definitely, still want hard and fast huh?" sasagot pa sana ako pero biglang
umentra yung taong katabi ko.

"Can you two go get a room?" gusto kong matawa sa reaksyon ni Sed. If he wasn't
Sed, I'd probably think that he's jealous of this guy.At dahil mapang-asar ako,
ngumiti ako ng mas mawalak.

"I'd love that." sagot ko. Sed stood up, which surprised me a little. He just
blankly stared at me and then left the room without a word.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at napatawa. "What's Saavedra's problem?" the

guy asked and I laughed harder.

"PMS." tumayo ako without excusing myself para sundan si Sed sa labas.Nakita ko si
Sed na malapit sa railing. Nakakapit siya ng mahigpit sa bakal at nakatingin sa
malayo. I smiled at the sight of him. His shoulders were brawny and I can see
muscles forming in his upper arms and he's not even flexing.

Lumapit ako sakanya at mabilis na tumalikod para sumandal sa railings. We're on the
third floor-and I still hate high places.

"Jealous?" his head snap back at me. Every muscle in his face was clenching in-
hate, disgust. I've never seen him looking all vile and hyped up.

"What?" it sounded too harsh.

"Are you jealous?" I asked him. His forehead creased at my question. He looked at
me like I was the most ridiculous person in the world. He faced me, leaning his
side on the railings.

"Why would I be jealous?" he spat. I mentally bit my lips from my smiling.

"Why did you walk out?" I asked him again.

"Because I'm not fond of listening to people who are talking dirty." okay, assuming
that he was jealous is something to laugh at but this? This is gold. Tumawa ako ng
malakas at mukhang nagtaka naman si Sed sa pagtawa na ginawa ko. He suddenly turned
conscious. Another first time from him.

"What?" he tried his best to sound uninterested.

I grinned at him. "Sedrick Saavedra, I never knew you had such a dirty mind." I
teased and then laughed right after. Mukhang mas lalong naguluhan si Sed sa sinabi
ko.

"What?" curiousity is tinkling in his tone, his voice even slightly turned higher
than his usual pitch.

"Alak po yung pinag-uusapan namin. Siya po yung bartender sa club malapit sa

University. Naalala niya lang po yung order ko last time." I explained and then
grinned at him. "Ang cute cute mo magselos."

"Hindi ako nagseselos." he simply answered and I made a face.

"You're jealous Saavedra, admit it."

"Bakit naman ako magseselos?" tanong niya sakin. He's taking my bait. I expected
him to ignore me and leave pero sinagot niya ako.

"Because I was flirting with him. Ikaw naman kasi, pa-suplado pa. Ayaw mo akong
kausapin."

"Flirt with him all you want. See if I care." ngumisi ako. He was arguing with me.
Speaking in complete sentences rather than in one or two words. It was a sweet
progress.

"Oh you'll care alright." I nodded. "You'll care, wanna know why?"

Hindi niya ako sinagot but I can see how he wants to know why. I smirked and walked
towards him, closing the distance between us. I raised my hand and gently caressed
the side of his cheek with my fingers.

"Because I'm going to chase you, and court you, and make you want me so hard that
you'll get jealous over and over again that you can't even stop yourself from
falling."

I snaked my arms into his nape and pulled him down. Inilapit ko ang mukha ko
sakanya pero lumiko ang mukha ko para itapat ang bibig ko sa tenga niya."And trust
me when I say you'll fall." I backed away from him and tapped his cheek with my
hand before leaving him wordless.

I guess what Chase said when we were in the student's park yesterday was right.
This is what I needed to do.

"I don't know what to do Chase. Muntik ko na siyang mahalikan! Pero pinigilan niya
ako. Like he doesn't want me at all."

"Well, maybe because he really doesn't like you." sinamaan ko ng tingin si Chase at
matapos ay sinuntok sa braso.

"Nakakainis ka naman eh! Tulungan mo kaya ako. I need to change my approach."

"Sed isn't easy." I rolled my eyes. Obviously. "So flirting with him won't really
work. Sed might be a guy-but he's not a pig."

"Kaya nga. Ano ngang gagawin ko?"

"Why don't you pretend that you like him?"

"That's risky Chase. I don't think I can do that."

"Yun nalang ang paraan. Unless magkaroon ng malaking himala at mahulog siya sa'yo."
umiling-iling ako.

"No-no. I don't want to make him fall. Ayaw ko siyang saktan."

"You're out of options Aki. It's either he'll hurt you or you'll hurt him. Your
choice." kumibit balikat siya. Parang wala namang pinagkaiba ang dalawa. Either
way, pakiramdam ko-masasaktan parin ako.

Sa larong ito, may mananalo at matatalo. At sisiguraduhin ko na hindi ako yung

matatalo. May isa sa aming masasaktan, it's inevitable. I just have to make sure na
hindi ako yon.

I'm sorry Sed.

Huminto ako at tumingin ulit kay Sed na nakatalikod parin at mukhang natulala sa
kinatatayuan ko kanina.

"Let the games begin."

*******************************************
Step One: Marking your territory

*******************************************

Eleven
Maraking your territory.

5 Steps to Make Him Fall:

Step One: Marking your territory.

Animals are known for marking their territory with their urines. And since you're
not an animal-it'd be gross if you'd pee on your guy just to defend him from other
human female species or protect what's rightfully yours. Think of something
brilliant that could shout how much you're claiming the guy from other possible
competition.
The preparation for the step one took me almost a day. I managed to convince my
blockmates to help me out. They helped me spread the word and I gave them a little
something-something.

"Akibabes, ang tindi mo pala ma-inlove." kinikilig na sabi ni Sasha sa akin habang
inaayos ang damit na suot-suot niya. Ngumiti naman ako ng napakalawak. Tiningnan ko
ang sarili ko sa salamin, umikot at hindi ko mapigilan mapatawa sa ideyang naisipan
ko. Pero hindi ko maiisip 'to kung hindi dahil kay Chase.

Nasa bahay na ako nang biglang pumunta siya sa bahay namin. Ipinakita niya ang
isang magazine kung saan nakalagay ang article kung paano pahulugin ang taong gusto
mong pahulugin. I snorted at him and told him how ridiculous it sounded pero in the
end, nagustuhan ko rin ang article. "Paano ka nagkaroon ng magazine na'to? Wag mo
sabihing daily subscriber ka." pang-aasar ko kay Chase. He scowled at me and I just
laughed while browsing the whole thing.

"Basahin mo nalang kaya yung pinababasa ko sa'yo no? Tinutulungan ka na nga lang ng
tao, nakuha mo pang manlait." I cooed.

"Kawawa naman ang BB ko, gusto mo i-kiss kita?" he rolled his eyes at me. He knows
that I was just teasing him. Inirapan niya lang ako kaya sinunod ko nalang ang
gusto niyang mangyari.

"Diba nagrereklamo ka sakin kung paano mo siya mapapaibig? Ayan." he shrugged.

Binasa ko ang nakasulat sa magazine at unti-unti akong napangiti sa nakasulat dito.

"This is so genius!!" I closed the magazine. "Chase Isaac Yñigo, you're the best. I
love you forevs!!" niyakap ko siya at pinupog ang mukha ng halik. Lagi talagang
maasahan si Chase. Umpisa palang, alam ko na magpakakatiwalaan ko siya. Mabuti
nalang pala hindi ko siya pinatulan. Life would suck without him. He's the bestest
friend I have ever had and I wouldn't replace him in the world. Maging sa unang
plano ko para sa step one, tinulungan niya ako. I don't know what I will ever do
without him.

"Ano kaya magiging reaksyon ni kambal? OMG. I'm so excited na talaga!" napatawa ako
kay Sasha. At ngayon na nadagdagan ng isa ang maikling listahan ng mga kaibigan ko-
I feel like I'm the most blessed girl in the world kahit na... kahit na- "Sa tingin
mo magagalit si Sedrick? Kinakabahan na ako!" dagdag pa nito and I snorted even
more.
"Sakin mo talaga itinanong niyan? Ikaw kaya itong kambal!"

"Kambal lang naman kami! Hindi magkadikit yung utak namin. Hindi ka ba nate-tense?"
tanong nito sa akin and I confidently grinned at her.

"Mukha ba akong tensionado sa'yo?" Umiling-iling siya sa akin.

"Hindi. At hindi ko rin alam kung saan mo nakukuha yang lakas ng loob mo. Tibay ng
dibdib mo Akibabes!"

"Sha, I'm not called Akiko Hedone Zaragosa for nothing." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Pero ready ka na?"

"Never been more ready in my whole life." lumabas na kami ni Sasha mula sa banyo.
Pagkalabas na pagkalabas palang namin, pinagtitinginan na kaming dalawa ng mga
estudyante. Sino ba naman kasing makapal ang mukha na magsusuot ng itim na shirt na
may nakalagay na Owner of Sedrick Saavedra?

Syempre, walang iba kundi ang nag-iisang campus slut. I meekily grinned. Imbis na
mairita sa mga tingin nila sa akin, parang mas natutuwa lang ako.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Sasha nang may professor kaming nadaanan na tumaas ang kilay
sa suot namin. Nakasuot din si Sasha ng black shirt, pero iba ang nakalagay:
Sedrick is Akiko's Property.

Dumeretso na kami sa tinatawag na students' park dahil maraming tumatambay na

estudyante doon, at ngayon-mas marami ang nakatambay doon. Kagagawan ng mga
blockmates ko, pati narin ang influential na bestfriend ko. Marami akong nakitang
nakasuot ng black shirt na katulad ng kay Sasha. Karamihan mga blockmates ko pero
may mga ibang students na nakasuot din ng shirt pero hindi ko kakilala.

Pinamigay ko kasi yun. Imagine how much that costs me. Buti nalang at magaling ako
mag-ipon, at buti nalang may sponsor ako na isang mayamang tao na itago nalang
natin sa pangalan na Chase.

Ang dami na talaga sakin naitulong ni BB. Tumuntong ako sa itaas ng lamesa na gawa
sa semento. Binuksan ng isa kong blockmate ang amplifier at inabot ang mic sa akin.
Sobrang supportive talaga sila nung nalaman nila ang plano kong ito. "Good
afternoon, Earthlings." bati ko sa kanilang at dumagundong naman ang boses ko sa
amplifier. It wasn't that loud pero enough para marinig ng mga nasa student's park.

"You're probably wondering why your friends invited you to come in the students'
park. And you're probably wondering why I, Akiko Hedone Zaragosa or commonly known
as the Campus Slut, am standing in front of you lowly humans." Inikot ko ang tingin
ko sa napakaraming tao. Tahimik naman silang naghihintay sa susunod na sasabihin
ko.

"I'm not here to clear my name as a Campus Slut because it doesn't even matter to
me. I'm not here to ask for any apologies. I'm not here to insult anyone. I'm here
to announce what I truly feel.

"What I truly feel for your popular jock, Sedrick Saavedra." they all started
whispering and murmuring to one another.

"This might stir another issue but here's to make it official. I'm courting Sedrick
Saavedra and I'm marking him as mine.Whoever comes in my way-well, goodluck. I'm
very...possessive. What is mine, is mine and I don't share. Ever. I hope that's
clear." ngumiti ako at inilibot ulit ang mata ko sa paligid. Natanawan ko si Sed na
nakatayo sa di kalayuan. Hindi ko siya inaasahan na pupunta dito pero I'm happy
that he's here to witness as I claim him. "And to my dear knight in shining jersey
watching from a far, I hope you're ready 'because I'm going to take what I think is
mine." bumaba ako mula sa tinuntungan kong lamesa. I didn't expect them to cheer
for me but they did.

Sinumulan ng magagaling kong classmates and they all followed. I smirked as I make
my way to Sed. Nakatayo lang siya at tinitingnan ako habang sumisingit ako para
makalapit sakanya. I thought he was waiting for me when he turned around and walked
off.

Napasimangot ako at mabilis na sinundan si Sed. Hindi niya ba nagustuhan yung

palabas ko? Dapat pala tinuloy ko nalang yung pagkanta ko. Pero hindi naman kasi
ako singer. I sighed. Siguro dapat pala mas tinamisan ko yung words ko para mas
nadama niya. Sayang naman. Next time na lang ulit! Hindi ko alam kung saan siya
pupunta. Sa gym ata. Sinundan ko lang siya habang pinagtitinginan kami nung iba.

"Sed!" tawag ko sakanya. Pumasok siya sa loob ng boy's locker room. Sinundan ko
siya sa loob. Nakapasok nanaman ako sa ganoon dati, kaya no big deal na sa akin.
Walang tao sa loob, which is good.
"Sed."

"What!" he growled. I was astounded. This is the first time that he shouted at me.
It's not really a shout pero since Sed is usually resilient-mukha siyang sumisigaw.

"Galit ka sa akin?" he frowned. Nakita ko ang pagkuyom ng kamao ni Sed. His jaw
clenched and unclenched-yep, he's definitely mad. "Hindi mo ba nagustuhan yung
ginawa ko?" I pouted.

"Fuck! Akiko, why did you do that?!" he shouted at me. I gasped at how loud his
voice was. Sobrang galit na galit ang boses niya, nakakatakot. Nanigas ako sa
kinakatayuan ko sa pagsigaw na ginawa niya sa akin. He's really scary when he's
mad. I made a mental note to not make him mad the next time we're together. No
saying what he'll do the next time he gets angry.

"Gusto ko lang naman-" "Ano!!" he shouted again. I frowned.

"Wag mo nga akong sigawan!! Sasagutin ko na nga diba? Kailangan putulin ako para
sigawan? Ugh. I like you better when you're just speaking in monosyllables."
tinitigan niya lang ako and I sighed. "Gusto ko lang naman ipaalam sa kanila na
nililigawan kita. Masama ba yun? Hindi naman labag sa batas ang pagsabi ng tunay
mong nararamdaman."

"You didn't."

"What?" it was my turn to ask.

"Wala kang sinabing nararamdaman mo. You told them what you should feel and what
you think. Akiko, I don't hate you-but I don't-"

"Hindi pa nga ako nagsisimula, basted na agad ako?" he sighed, frustrated when he
wiped his face with his hands. Tumingin siya sa locker, parang nagtitimpi bago
humarap ulit sa akin at kausapin ako.

"Akiko, you don't own me. No one owns me. Please stop wasting your time over me
because it will never happen." I can't help but feel hurt. I just got rejected and
I haven't even started yet. My mind says it's just my ego that got bruised but my
heart says the opposite.
"Bakit?" I asked him.

"Kasi hindi kita-" umiling-iling ako.

"Bakit mo ako niligtas sa babaeng yon sa canteen? Bakit ka tumakbo mula sa gym
papuntang theater hall para lang harangin sila sa pagbabato na ginagawa nila sa
akin? Bakit galit na galit ka nung may nagdikit sakin ng papel? Bakit mo ginawa ang
lahat ng yon?"

"Because no one deserves to be treated like that."

"Bullshit. Naawa ka sa akin ganon ba? Didn't you even consider that I might have
deserved everything that they did to me? Ahhhh. I get it. You pity me. Do you think
I'm some kind of charity case?" ayaw ko sa lahat-yung naawa sa akin. Ayaw ko sa
lahat-yung kinakaawaan ako. I'm not petty to be showered with sympathy. Hindi ko
mapigilan ang pagkirot ng dibdib ko.

"No."

"Then don't lie to me Sed. Don't lie to yourself. You can say that you pity me, you
can say that you don't like me-that you would never like me. Pero eto lang ang
tatandaan mo." I fisted my hands.

"You may insult me, tell me that you don't like me but it won't change what I'm
feeling for you." tumalikod ako at naglakad papalabas sa locker room. Malapit na
ako sa pintuan nang bigla akong huminto.

"And oh, wag kang magsasalita ng tapos. Because I haven't even started yet." I
smirked again and left before he can utter a single word.

*******************************************
Step Two: Get his attention.

*******************************************

Twelve

Step Two: Get his attention.

Step Two: Get his attention.

You can't make someone fall if he doesn't have his attention set on you. Make him
notice you, get his attention. You can start of by calling his name but we don't
have to be literal-don't we? You can walk by him, make your paths cross, or flirt
with him. You need to be interesting, bold and intriguing enough to capture his
attention. One word. Gimik.

Hinanda ko na ang lahat ng paint, brushes at iba pang materials na kailangan

ngayon. I wore an old shirt and an old jogging pants that I folded up to my knees.
Itinali ko narin ang buhok ko into messy bun since I'm work mode.

Merong vacant wall na building malapit sa student's park. I even set an appointment
with Mr. President. Hindi naman talaga set-nagdrop by lang ako and I told him my
plan. Natuwa naman siya dahil bukod sa makakapagpractice ako, ay malalagyan ng
buhay ang students' park. He says I can do whatever I want. It's the student's park
after all.

Muntik ko nang yakapin ang president ng University dahil pumayag siya sa gusto ko.

I never thought he'll agree but it's a risk that I have to take. Nung sinabi palang
yung word na, attention-eto na agad ang naisip ko.

"Nasaan na yung mga back up mo?" tanong ni Chase sakin habang ngumunguya ng fries.

Walang pasok ngayon si Chase, pinapunta ko lang siya bilang moral support. Tutal
siya lang naman ang may alam ng kung ano 'tong pinaggagagawa ko. Na-kwento ko na
sakanya yung confrontation namin ni Sed three days ago. Sinabi ko sakanya kung
anong naramdaman ko nung malaman ko na kaya niya lang ginagawa ang mga iyon dahil
kinakaawaan niya ako. I don't want to be pitied, especially not by him. That's what
pushed me more to do whatever I have to do. Dahil alam kong pag hindi ko ito
tinuloy, hindi lang yon ang sakit na mararamdaman ko.

"Darating din yung tatlong kumag na yon." simpleng sagot ko dito while continuing
to mark the wall with an outline. 7AM palang, nandito na kami ni Chase. 8AM na pero
hanggang ngayon, hindi parin ako tapos sa outline dahil may kalakihan ang pader na
gagawin naming canvas. 9ft tall ito at hindi rin biro ang width. I even used a step
ladder. Nanghiram ako ng tatlong step ladder kay Mr. President at pinayagan naman
niya agad ako. He offered na siya ang magproduce ng paint, pero sabi ko meron na
akong inihanda.

Lumapit sakin si Chase at pagkatapos ay inilapit ang tatlong piraso ng fries sa

tapat ng bibig ko at isinubo ko naman ito without stopping from what I was doing.

"Hindi mo ba masyadong pinapagod ang sarili mo?" Chase asked me and I shrugged.

"Being artsy never exhausts me."

He snorted. "Say it to someone who believes you."

Umirap nalang ako kay Chase at tiningnan ang iginuhit kong markings sa pader. Meron
ng white base paint ang pader, pinalagyan ko na kahapon. I really paid good money
for this wall. Hindi lang naman ito para kay Sed. He's the target and the main
reason but I'm also pleasing myself just by doing this.

"Do you think he's really going to fall for you?" napatingin ako kay Chase.

"Hopefully." I meekily answered and he sighed.

Ibinalik ko ang tingin ko sa markings.

"Paano kung ikaw rin-mahulog?" biglang kumabog ng malakas ang dibdib ko. Sa sobrang
lakas parang pakiramdam ko hindi ako makahinga. I shooed the hard poundings on my
chest and bit my bottom lip to control the pesky rumblings on my stomach.

"That will never happen."

"What if?" I snapped my head to look at Chase and meaningfully looked at him,
giving him a very sad smile.

"Then it's game over. We both lose."

"You're not even going to try?" I shook my head.

"I wasn't born to love anyone. I can try but we both know that I'll only hurt the
one I love."

Hindi na ako sinagot ni Chase pagkatapos 'non. At ipinagpatuloy ko naman ang

paglagay ng details sa pader na canvas. It's a good thing na smooth yung pader na
ito because it will be really hard for me to add an outline.

Dumating na yung mga naging ka-buddy buddy ko rin dahil sa painting. Si Gavin, Red
at Blue. Hindi sila blood related. Si Red at Blue ay best friends since birth.
Magkaibigan rin kasi ang mga magulang nila. Si Gavin naman, kaklase ko nung fourth
year highschool ako. Naging close lang kami noong freshmen years dahil sumali kami
sa isang street art competition. Hindi yon isang school activity kaya hindi siya
credited sa official contests. Inaya lang nila ako dahil kulang sila ng isang
member at yun, naging close na kami. Kahit ng mangyari ang mga nangyari at nakabuo
na ako ng bagong reputation-they didn't judge me for it. And eventually, I learned
to trust them. Bukod kay Chase-kaibigan ko rin sila.

"I so miss you na ng super Akiko! It's so malungkot that you're nahiwalay to us.
It's nakakasawa na to be with these goons-like super umay talaga!" si Red ang
nagsalita. Halata naman na maypagka-conyo siya sa pagsasalita.

"Potana, dumadada nanaman yung trying hard na rich kid." pang-aasar ni Gavin at
natawa naman ako.

"Kamusta naman ang lagay sa minamahal kong unibersidad?" I smirked.

"Ayun, it's so tahimik and super lungkot kasi you're not there to make eskandalo! I
think the guys are missing you na!"

Blue clicked his tongue. "Yung spoiled brat na kasi na yon ang may kasalanan eh.
Kung hindi ka niya pinatalsik sa daddy niyang uto-uto edi sana masaya sa
university." reklamo niya at umiling-iling nalang ako.

"Gusto ko matapos itong wall by 6PM. Kaya ba?" they all crossed their arms at me.
Tinaasan rin nila ako ng kilay at parang hinahamon pa ng away.

"Nilalait mo ba ang kakayahan namin Akiko?" tanong ni Gavin at hindi ko mapigilan

ang mapangisi.

I shrugged my shoulders at them. "Depends kung kaya niyo."

"Lakas manghamon. Hindi purke't lalaban ka sa annual painting compet, papaya na
kami na ganito-ganitohin mo." sagot ni Blue sakin at tumawa nalang ako sakanila.

"Can we start nalang? Na-mark ko naman na, tsaka eto yung sketch ko." inabot ko
sakanila yung papel na nilagyan ko na ng color para maging pattern

"Para saan ba 'to? Inutusan ka ng admin na maging taga-pintura?" pang-aasar ni

Gavin at umirap nalang ako.

Tumayo si Chase at inakbayan ako habang nginunguya niya ang fries na kanina niya pa
kinakain. "Nagdadalaga na kasi si Akiko-gagawin niya yan para sa nililigawan niya."
proud na proud na sabi nito at nagulat naman yung tatlo sa sinabi ni Chase.

"Oh my gosh!! Is it true? You're making ligaw to someone? Does that mean you're
magiging unavailable na for all the guys in the world?" tanong ni Red at
napasimangot naman ako. Siniko ko ng malakas si Chase sa kadaldalan niya. Napayuko
siya para saluhin ang tiyan niya.

"Ano ba yan. Ako hindi mo pa napagbibigyan, kilala na kita sa fourth year tapos
magkakaboyfriend ka ng hindi mo man lang ako tinatalo. Ganon na ba ako kapangit sa
paningin mo Aki?" I snorted at how ridiculous Gavin was. He's so not ugly. Not even
close. But it's true that Gavin tried to hit on me when we were on our fourth year
in highschool. Malapit na ang end of school year 'non when I started doing things
that I've never done. He was hoping that I'd take his virginity and give him a mind
blowing sex that he'll never forget. pero katulad ng sinabi ko-hindi ako pumapatol
sa taong malalapit sakin. Lalo na at kaibigan ko sila. I don't want to waste our
friendship for a few minutes of pleasure and fun. At least ang friendship, life
time.

Sinimulan na namin ang pagpaint sa wall. Hindi naman ako natatakot na ipagkatiwala
sakanila ang artwork ko dahil alam na namin ang kilos ng bawat isa. We paint like
we're all choreographed. Sakto ang strokes namin, we know our lines and our colors
match. Hinalo muna namin yung kulay na gusto namin gamitin.

Habang si Chase, nakaupo lang sa isang foldable na chair at masayang kumakain

habang pinapanuod kami. Potato chips naman ang kinakain niya ngayon. Halata naman
na matakaw si Chase, pero kahit ganoon-malakas ang metabolism niya. Wala siyang
extra fats sa katawan niya. He's lean and muscular which makes me drool every time
na nakikita ko siyang nakahubad. Pero kahit na culinary arts ang course niya, he's
not artistic. Kaya hanggang tingin lang siya. Nandito lang naman siya dahil wala
siyang ginagawa at humingi lang ako ng moral support. Plus, maganda narin dahil may
utusan kami.
At dahil siya ang utusan namin, inutusan ko siya na magpadeliver ng pizza at
drinks. Hindi lang yon-siya pa ang nagbayad ng pagkain. Chase is very loaded with
cash. Hindi ko siya kinaibigan para gamitin siya. I'm a slut, not a user. Okay-
well, maybe I'm a user... but definitely not for money!

We were laughing and talking as we painted the wall. Minsan tumatahimik pero minsan
nagke-kwento si Gavin. Gavin is very a humorous person. He's the mood maker. Taga-
tawa lang kaming dalawa ni Red. Si Blue, binabara naman si Gavin. Lalo na pag-
inaasar ni Gavin si Red.

Half way na when we decided to take a break. It's almost lunch time when we decided
to eat. Bumili ng tatlong box ng Hawaiian pizza si Chase and I kissed him in the
cheek for that. Sabay-sabay kami kumain sa nilatag namin sheet since grassy naman
dito sa Students' park.

I really missed hanging out with these guys. Nitong mga nakaraang year kasi, naging
busy na ako and I rarely have the time and energy to go out with them. Laging
studies, conquest lang ang inaatupag ko. Super exhausting kasi ang college. It was
hard for me to keep up. Minsan hindi talaga ako umaabot ng isang linggo. And I
can't delay myself and risk my ownself kaya minsan dumadalas ang feeding ko. I call
it feeding because it sounds fitting.

I was finishing my third slice of pizza when my phone pinged a message. My heart
fluttered at the sender's name.

Where are you? It was from Sed. Napangiti ako ng wala sa oras. I placed the half
eaten pizza on my lap and replied to his text message.

Nasa puso mo. Hahahahahahahahaha. I unconciously giggled after sending the text at
inilapag ko ang phone para ipagpatuloy ang pagkain ng pizza. Pero nung itinaas ko
ang ulo ko, napansin ko na nakatingin silang apat sa akin.

"Did you just giggle?" Blue confirmed and my eyes widened. Mukhang natanga yung
tatlong lalaki samantalng si Red, nakangiti ng sobrang lawak.

"Omg omg omg! He texted you 'no? What did he say?!" sobrang excited na tanong nito
and I laughed quietly.
"He just asked where I am, probably wondering why I didn't attend our class or
followed him to his class. And I sent him a funny response."

"Talaga? Omg! What did you make sabi ba?"

Tumawa ako at umiling-iling.

"Nasa puso mo." Red dreamily sighed and the boys faked a vomit and I just scowled
at them. Kung may tatlong kamay lang ako, sabay-sabay ko silang kakaltukan.

It took a little while before sumagot ulit si Sed, which I really sought after for.
Nung time na nagreply na siya, wala na sa akin yung atensyon nung apat which is
good.

Binasa ko ang panibagong text niya. Funny.

I mentally groaned. Monosyllable. Wala ka bang load ha?

Tinapos ko na ang pizza ko, declaring that I'm already full. Tumayo ako para
magstretching ng bahagya when my phone pinged again. I was eager to know what he
will say next.

:) And there it is. The prodigal colon and close parenthesis. Hindi ko alam kung
maiinis ako sakanya o matutuwa dahil sobrang consistent siya sa message niya. Last
time, our text ended up with the same message from him and I won't allow that
again.

Sisirain ko yang ibang letters sa screen mo!!

Why?

Kasi hindi mo naman ginagamit lahat!! Useless!! Ughhh

At hindi na nagreply si Sed sa message kong yon. Ang sarap talaga ibalibag yung
phone. Kung may budget lang ako ngayon, baka kanina ko pa nahagis yung mobile ko sa
pader kasi naisip ko na saying naman yung pinintura namin. Sayang yung paint tsaka
pinaghirapan namin yun.

Tatayo na sana ako para bumalik na sa trabaho when my phone rang. My heart leaped
at napatingin naman silang apat ulit sa akin. The guys were scowling at nakangisi
naman sa akin si Red.

Tiningnan ko ang caller ID and I was slightly disappointed kasi hindi si Sed yung
tumatawag.

"Yes Sha?"

"Hey Akibabes, nasaan ka ba?"

"Nasa puso nga ng kambal mo. Bakit?" I heard dribbling sounds and shoes making
contact with a floor on the other line. She's probably in the gym. May practice
ulit siguro sila Sed. Kaya siguro hindi na siya nagreply.

"Ehhh. Wag na. Kikiligin ka pa!"

"Gaga, bakit nga? I'm busy right now."

"Tinatanong kasi ako ni Sedrick via eye contact. Akibabes, kikiligin ka promise!
Kanina pa siya tingin ng tingin sa upuan mo nung nasa room. Tapos kapag bumubukas
yung pinto, grabe makalingon. Omg talaga! And now, he's glaring at me kasi hindi
kita kasama sa usual spot natin. Kaya nasaan ka ba? Hindi mo man lang susuportahan
ang nililigawan mo?" hindi ako binigyan ng pagkakataon ni Sasha sa tuloy na tuloy
na pagsasalita niya. Spiders were starting to creep on my stomach again. Napahawak
ako doon at mabilis na hinimas-himas para alisin ang nararamdaman ko sa tiyan ko.
Damn it.

It won't go away.

6:30PM nang matapos ang wall sa student's park. Maraming mga tao ang nanunuod
habang nagpe-paint kami doon at marami ring nakatingin nang makita na tapos na
kami. We packed up and then inaya ko sila para kumain ng dinner, my treat.

8:20 nang nagpahatid ako kay Chase pabalik sa student's park at nagpaiwan narin ako
sakanya after niyang tingnan ang final result. Ang akala ng ibang nakakita ng gawa
namin, yun na yon. They didn't know how it was made for night viewing.
I called Sed's phone while staring at the wall in front of me.

"What?" pang-unang bati nito. I rolled my eyes. Always been rude.

"Can you go to the students' park right now?"

"Why?"

"I'm here."

"What? Anong ginagawa mo d'yan?" I heard the rustling of the sheets. Patulog na ba
si Sed? It's so early!

I faked a sad sigh. "Just-come here."

Ibinaba ko ang phone at tinitigan ko ang masterpiece namin. It was a glow in the
dark street art. Dark twilight color na may pagka-violet blue. Parang galaxy ang
buong background pero may nakatalikod na figure ng isang girl sa right side. Her
hair was long and curly, expanding its width to the other side of the wall. May
iba't ibang kulay ng strand ang buhok ng babae and it really looked so good that I
wanted to cry.

At the vacant left side of the wall, may glowing letters na si Gavin ang nag
lettering since it's his forte.

If I fall for you, would you fall too?

Napangiti ako, even wondering if what his answer will be. Does it even matter?
Ginagawa ko lang naman ito para sa sariling kapakanan ko. Para hindi ako masaktan.
I clutched on my chest and told my heart to stay still.

"Ed Sheeran." napalingon ako sa likuran ko. I saw Sed wearing a pair of jean shorts
and a polo shirt. Nasagot na rin ang tanong ko kung anong itsura niya pag naka-
civillian. Gwapo pa rin.
Ngumiti ako. "Is it good?" lumapit sa akin si Sed at tiningnan ng mabuti ang pader.
He took time, observing the whole thing before replying.

"Did you make it?" I enthusiastically nodded.

"With some help." he just hummed. Umupo siya sa tabi ko at pareho namin tinitigan
ang pader na nasa harapan namin. It felt good having him beside me. Wala siyang
ginagawa pero naninikip na ang dibdib ko at nahihirapan akong huminga. But in spite
of that, I don't think I want to be anywhere but his side. The whole night passed,
we said our goodbyes and I realized that he never answered my question.

*******************************************
Step Three: Make him remember you

*******************************************
Thirteen
Step Three: Make him remember you

Step Three: Make him remember you.

To make someone fall, you need to make sure that he remembers you. How do you know
when you're remembering someone? Well, you see them everywhere. You can hear them
in every song, smell them in every scent and taste them in every food. There are a
lot of possible ways that you could do to make him remember you-inject yourself in
everything that has something to do with him. And oh, give him a day that he'll
never ever forget.

As soon as I woke up, kinuha ko ang cellphone ko at sinimulang i-copy paste ang
lyrics ng kanta na sinearch ko sa google kagabi.

Another night. Another dream. Wasted on you. Goodmorning :)

Napailing-iling ako sa sarili ko at matapos ay pumasok muna sa banyo para maligo at

makagpag-ayos para sa pagpasok sa school. I hate going to school early, mamayang
10AM pa ang first class ko pero gusto kong pumuntang art room para ituloy yung
portrait ni Sed na inumpisahan ko last time na hindi ko pa natutuloy dahil sa
ginawa kong wall art na para rin sakanya.

Parang kagabi lang nangyari ang lahat. Parang hindi totoo. Parang hindi nangyari.
Inabot kami ng 10:30PM, magkasama habang tinititigan ang masterpiece namin nila
Gavin nang hindi man lang nag-uusap. And when I came home, tsaka ko lang na-realize
na hindi niya nasagot ang tanong ko sa pader.
Not that it matters.

The whole ploy was just to get his attention anyway. And that night-he gave me two
unswerving hours. My chest bruised because I kept on pounding on my chest the whole
night. Bigla kasi itong humihinto minsan sa pagkabog.

Pinalipas ko muna ang isa't kalahating linggo bago ituloy ang step three. Pag may
time, pinupuntahan ko si Sed para kulitin or mag hi lang. Natutuwa nga ako kasi
naiinis siya pagpumupunta ako sa room niya para lang mag hello. During my classes
with him naman, umuupo ako sa tabi niya. Hindi naman nagtatampo si Sasha at
sinusuportahan lang ako ng loka. She found out about the reason why I was absent
last time at sobrang hinampas niya ako ng hinampas sa braso kasi kinikilig daw siya
and she can't contain her SeKo feels.

Also, siya daw ang president ng fans club ng love team namin and I told her na
natural kasi siya lang ang fan. After nun, hinampas niya ulit ako.

Pagkatapos ko gumayak, kinuha ko ang phone ko. I never really planned on checking
it. I didn't expect him to reply on my message anyway pero hindi ko rin natiis. I
pressed the wake button. May nakabungad na one message receive at nakalagay ang
pangalan ni Sed.

Miserable at Best. Morning.

He named the title of the lyrics that I texted him and greeted me. Totoo ba 'tong
nababasa ko? He really replied?

Sa di malamang dahilan, hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko na mapangiti sa ginawa

niyang pagsagot sa text message ko sakanya. I started feeling the annoying bugs
inside my stomach again. I locked my phone and shook my head. Big deal. It's just a
text.

Bumaba ako ng bahay, naabutan ko si Mams na nasa kusina at mukhang nagluluto

palang. Si Dads naman, nakabihis na at umiinom ng kape habang nagbabasa ng dyaryo.
"Good morning Mams! Dads!" masayang bati ko sakanila sabay kiss sa cheeks.

"Good mood yata ang bunso namin?" bati ni Mams at biglang natanggal ang ngiti sa
labi ko.
"Ayaw mo ba Mams?"

Marahan na tumawa si Mams. "I love seeing you happy bunso. Pero diba mamaya pa ang
pasok mo?" tumango-tango ako at tumusok ng hotdog gamit ang serving fork na nasa
plate.

"Magpa-practice ako sa art room ngayong umaga. May tinatapos akong warm-up
portrait."

"Ano naman subject mo?" tanong ni Dads at napatigil naman ako ng pagsubo ng hotdog.
Nag-isip ako panandalian ng magandang maisasagot sakanila at matapos ay casual na
itinuloy ang pagkain ko.

"Blockmate ko lang Dads." sabi ko habang ngumunguya at tumango-tango nalang si Dads

sa akin. Inubos ko ang isang hotdog at matapos ay uminom ng orange juice bago
tumayo at magpaalam na aalis na ako.

Bago pumunta ng art room, pumunta muna ako ng gym. Sumilip ako saglit kung nandoon
na si Sed and I was right. May kalaro siya na apat na lalaki. Napasimangot nalang
ako at dumeretso sa locker room nila.

Tiningnan ako ng ilang mga lalaking nasa loob. Yung iba nakatowel lang nung pumasok
ako at napatakip naman agad sila sa katawan nila. Shocking. I rolled my eyes.

"Bawal po babae dito." sabi nung isang lalaki pero hindi ko nalang siya pinagtuunan
ng pansin.

"Nasaan ang locker ni Saavedra?" sabay-sabay silang tumuro sa isang locker na ilang
hakbang lang mula sa akin. Ngumiti ako at nagthank you bago lumapit para buksan ang
locker ni Sed.

Umupo ako sa bench na nasa gitna ng pagitan ng dalawang locker at kinuha ang note
na inipit ko sa notebook ko. It was a pink sticky note that I sprayed with my sweet
vanilla perfume. I copied it from another song that Sed probably listened to.

I got the point that I should leave you alone, but we both know that I'm not that
strong.
I removed the plastic on the double sided foam tape that I placed at the back of
the sticky note. Kinuha ko ang paboritong Gatorade na blue ni Sed at idinikit doon
ang note before placing it to his locker.

"Gusto ko rin magka-girlfriend." narinig ko sabi nung isang lalake. Napangiti naman
ako.

I let out a sheepish grin. "Hindi niya ako girlfriend. Hindi niya pa ako
sinasagot."

"Sakin ka nalang manligaw Akiko, sasagutin agad kita." I snorted. "Now, where's the
fun in that?" umiling-iling ako. "Bye boys!" I waved my hand and they all said
their byes in chorus.

Dumaan ako ng locker ni Sed. I owe Sasha for this huge favor. Hiningi ko kasi yung
duplicate ng lock ni Sed. It's a good thing na pareho sila ng lock na ginagamit sa
locker. As expected, malinis ang loob nito. Organized ang books pero may malaking
space ang wala dito and I remember when he saved me (not that I needed it) from
that bitch sa canteen and pulled me here para kunin ang varsity jacket niya.

I smiled, pulling out the box of crayons from my bag. I sticked another sticky note
on the box and chuckled to myself, placing the small box inside Sed's locker.

Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors.

I stole the line from Boys like Girls' song called Thunder. It's a lovely song-so I
don't really blame Sed if he likes the band so much.

Mabilis kong isinara ang locker na yon, securing it with the lock. Pinagtitinginan
ako ng iba. They're probably wondering why I'm snooping Sed's locker. Or how did I
even get the key. I just smugged at them and left for the art room.

Pinatago ko ang canvas sa storage room. Kinuha ko ito and then quickly resumed with
my painting. It was hard kasi magmi-mix nanaman ako ng panibagong colors and it's
hard to match the first set of colors that I have used pero since magaling ako-
nagawa ko parin.

Kalahati na ng sketch ko ang nalagyan ko ng top layer. Yung other half, may first
layer na pero since malapit na ang first class ko itinigil ko na muna at
ipagpapatuloy ko nalang next time dahil may plans ako mamaya. And it has something
to do with a guy named Sed.

Dumaan ako sa room na pinuntahan ko ang room ng first class ni Sed, paano ko
nalaman? Gamit ko ang bigay ni Sasha na schedule ng kambal niya. Gusto ko talagang
yakapin yun sa pagkonsinte sakin. Kung alam niya lang siguro ang balak kong gawin
sa kambal niya-baka matagal niya na akong sinabunutan.

Hindi kami magkaklase ni Sed ngayon kaya kailangan ko pang hingin bilang favor sa
iba kahit ayaw ko man magkaroon ng utang na loob sa ibang tao. Hindi pa ako
nakakarating sa loob ng room ay nakita ko agad yung lalaking pinagselosan ni Sed.
Yung gwapong bartender sa bar na hanggang ngayon hindi ko parin alam ang pangalan.

Biglang lumawak ang ngiti niya sa labi ng makita ako.

"Akiko Hedone Zaragosa." he greeted and smiled for his benefit.

"Hi-" I trailed on while raising my eyebrow since hindi ko nga alam ang pangalan
niya.

He clicked his tongue, chuckling before he raised his hand to formally introduce
his self. "Thomas De Silva."

I nodded and accepted his hand, giving him a flirty smile.

"So, are you finally here to ask me out?" napataas ang kilay ko kay Thomas. Tumawa
ako matapos bitawan ang kamay niya.

"I don't ask guys out. I ask them in." I grinned at him. "But I'm not here because
of that. I don't normally do this but I need to ask you a favor Thomas." He crossed
his arms and nodded. "And what kind of favor is it?"

May inabot ako sakanyang note, isang yellow na sticky note this time. He raised an
eyebrow before getting it from my hand. He read the line from another Mayday Parade
song. "When you're alone, do you think of me?"
Inalis niya ang tingin niya mula sa note at tiningnan ako. He nodded. "At night.
Yes. Why?" I grimaced at his disgusting answer. I know how some guys jacks off with
me in their mind pero it's revolting to hear it first hand.

"It's not for you smart ass." I clicked my tongue. "Please give it to Sed when he's
completely alone. Pwede?"

Thomas playfully smiled at me. "What can I get out of this?"

"My number?" I offered.

"Deal." inilabas ko ang phone ko at hiningi ko ang number niya. I dialed his mobile
and then hang it up as soon as it rang.

"Okay na?" he gave me a nod.

"Thank you, Thomas." I caressed his cheek before turning my back on him.
Pagkatalikod ko ay si Sed agad ang bumungad sa harapan ko. My eyes widened at how
he was standing and looking so dangerous at the same time. Kanina pa ba siya
nakatayo doon? I doubt that. Thomas would have told me.

I blinked a few times, still not moving from where I am standing. Deadpan. Like
always, his face showed no hint of anything that he's thinking and feeling right
now. He's so freaking mysterious that my brain hurts at guessing what's on his
lovely mind.

Natauhan ako nang biglang dumaan si Sed sa harap ko papasok sa room nila. Iniwan
niyang nakabukas ang pinto at tumama ang mga mata ko sa kamay niya. He was holding
a blue Gatorade. Yun ba yung binigay ko sakanya?

I squinted my eyes, zooming and focusing on the bottle and I saw the note being
covered with his hand. Biglang lumawak ang ngiti ko. Bawas na ang Gatorade. It's
actually almost empty na. I wonder if nakuha narin niya yung crayons sa locker? I
suddenly felt like giggling.

I'm pretty enjoying this conquest. I've never worked hard to get something and I
must say, the chase had always been the best.
Iniwan ko na si Thomas nang may malawak na ngiti sa labi ko at dumeretso na sa
unang klase ko-I'm already late but I don't really care.

Hindi ko parin maalis ang ngiti sa labi ko when two hours later, I received a text
message from Thomas.

Mission accomplished. I smiled and tapped the screen to reply.

Thank u. ;)

No prob. If it makes u happy, the bastard looked like he wanted to kill me. Mas
lalong lumawak ang ngiti sa mga labi ko. Jealous much?

It does. And for that, I declare dat I owe u a kiss.

It only took him thirty-seconds to reply. Ugh. Guys. I'm waiting.

Hindi na ako sumagot pa sa text ni Thomas. It's not my type to converse through
texts anyway.

Pagkatapos ng klase ko, naghintay ako sa labas ng room ni Sed for his last subject
for about-thirty minutes. Naglaro pa nga ako ng zombie tsunami habang hinihintay si
Sed sa corridor. I'm not a fan of game applications pero simula ng malaman ko na
paborito ni Sed yon, sinubukan kong i-download. And guess what? I got addicted to
it. I mentally rolled my eyes at myself.

Tumayo ako nang magring ang bell, buhat-buhat ang shoulder bag ko. Pinagtitingnan
ako ng ilang students na lumalabas mula sa loob ng room. Bigla naman ako na-
concious. Napasimangot ako sa sarili ko nang matagpuan ko ang sarili ko na inaayos
ang buhok ko. I stopped myself before I do any more damage to myself. I don't fix
my appearance in public. It's like admitting your insecurities or being scared for
not looking good enough for them.

Sed. I groaned with my chest. He's ruining my system again. Damn it. Akala ko
nawala na sa mga kalokohan na pinaggagagawa ko, pero meron parin pala. Naputol ang
pag-iisip ko sa paglabas ni Sed mula sa loob ng room after one hundred billion
years. I sucked up my grouchy expression and replaced it with the brightest smile
ever.
Napahinto si Sed sa harap ng door way nang makita niya ako. Tumaas lang ang kilay
niya and I grinned harder. Lumapit ako sakanya at matapos ay kinuha ang isang dark
chocolate bar na may nakadikit na sticky note mula sa pocket ng skirt ko. Inabot ko
ito sakanya at mas tinaasan naman niya ako ng kilay.

"What's that?" I rolled my eyes at him.

"Chocolate. Duh." dapat maging sweet ako sakanya, I know. Pero I can't help but to
make a come back. Kahit anong pretense ang gawin ko, I can't stop myself from being
me.

Kinuha niya ang chocolate na inaabot ko at binasa ang note na nasa harapan nito. I
felt something in the pit of my stomach. Ngingiti kaya siya? How will he react?
Hindi ko naman kasi nakita reaksyon niya dun sa ibang notes na binigay ko. Pero
hindi naman ako umaasa. Kung meron man, si Sed na siguro ang makakakuha ng poker
face of the year.

What would you say

If I told you that I'm not giving up
how ever long it takes

Sumimangot siya bigla. "I don't know this song. It's not from my favorites. " I
frowned at his question, scrunching my forehead.

"Natural, di naman nila kanta yan eh. Pag magbibigay ng note, kailangan ba galing
sa favorites mo?"

"What does it have to do with chocolates then?" mas napasimangot naman ako sa
tanong niya.

"Wala rin." I paused, scowling. Wala na ako maisip eh. Kailangan rin ba may
connection?" he snorted, I swear it sounded like a restrained laugh that he doesn't
want me to hear. "Pero anyway, I have something important to ask."

"What?" a smile slowly crept up my face as I stared at Sed's confused face.

"Date tayo?"

*******************************************
Maybe

*******************************************

Fourteen
Maybe

Hindi ko na hinintay na sumagot si Sed at hinatak ko nalang siya sa kamay. I think

he's willing to go with me dahil hindi naman siya pumapalag. That, or he's just
being a gentleman again.

I ignored the looks that I'm receiving from the other students. Magkahawak parin
ang kamay namin nang makarating kami sa car park. I didn't want to let go but I
don't want that feeling so I released his hand from my hold and looked around.
"Where's your car?"

"Where are we going?" I cheekily smiled at the thought that he's willing to go out
on a date with me but I brushed it away.

"Just tell me where your car is." I rolled my eyes at him. Bumuntong hininga siya
at nagsimulang maglakad papunta sa parking space niya. I forgot how his car looked
like. Isang beses pa lang naman kasi ako nakakasakay sa kotse niya. I don't really
know a lot about cars but I know that Sed's car is a Hyundai Veloster. I've heard
it from one of my late conquests who was bragging about how cool his ride was. It
is pretty slick but Sed's car has more angst into it. His car has a lovely shade of
red and minimal linings of black, here and there. Mukha pa itong brand new.
Halatang maingat ang may-ari.

"Keys?" biglang nanlaki ang mata ni Sed. I've never seen his eyes widened before.
Another addition on my personal Sed's list of facial reactions.

"I'm not going to let you to drive my car!" Sed defensively stated and I burst out
laughing at how less unemotional he sounded. He's slowly learning how to speak in
full sentences which is good, pagkatapos nagkakaroon pang tono ang pagsasalita
niya. I think I'm a good influence on him.

"Don't worry, I'll not scratch your girl. I know how to drive."

He shook his head, back again to his deadpanned face. "No." I pouted and huffed my
cheek.
"But you don't know where we'll be going!!" I whined.

"Tell me." he simply answered and I groaned.

"Let me drive and I won't disturb you for a day." biglang tumaas ang kilay ni Sed
sa akin. I sheepishly grinned at him-hoping that he'll bite it but he just frowned.

"No." his voice sounded so firm.

Mas lalo akong napasimangot sa sagot niya. Why is it so hard to argue with him?
Hindi naman kasi sanay makipagcompromise ang isang 'to. So annoying! Hindi ko alam
kung bakit natatakot ako na mahulog sa isang 'to eh dispalyado naman yung ugali!

"Sige na. Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaase." I batted my eyelashes and Sed sighed in resignation.

I was grinning inside my mind because I can feel that I'm about to win in our
argument.

"Fine." he got his keys from his pocket and rolled his eyes on me. Ngumiti naman
ako ng malawak. Kinuha ko ang susi sa kamay niya kasabay ng paghalik ko sa pisngi
ni Sed. I felt my lips burn for a few seconds kaya mabilis akong tumalikod para
hindi makita ni Sed ang itsura kong parang binuhusan ng asido.

I pressed the remote key and it produced a loud blaring sound. Mabilis akong
pumasok sa loob pero hindi ko na mabalik ang ngiti ko. I pressed the steering wheel
thrice to call for Sed's attention. He remained frozen kasi sa kinakatayuan niya.
Natauhan lang siya sa pangatlong busina kaya lumakad na siya papasok ng sasakyan at
umupo sa shotgun seat.

I started the car and silently drove off. Hindi ako nag-initiate ng conversation at
hindi rin naman nagsalita si Sed. I was still pissed about the kiss on the cheek.
Naramdaman ko talaga yung pagpaso sa labi ko. Things are getting riskier every
second. I just wish I could get it over with.

Nahihirapan narin kasi ako. Sobrang laking energy consumer ng efforts na ginagawa
ko para kay Sed. I've never exerted so much effort in my life since I was sixteen.
I stopped partying near the university to avoid seeing students from EW. Kapag kasi
nakita nila na I'm still flirting and pleasuring with different guys, I'm pretty
sure na sasabihin nila na pinaglalaruan ko lang si Sed. I'm trying to avoid issues
like that because Sed would never take me seriously once na nalaman niya ang
routine ko. It's bad enough that he saw me once-at pag narinig niya na may balitang
kumakalat na may ginagawa akong kung ano-ano habang nakatalikod siya, I'm positive
na maniniwala siya agad. He had seen me in action after all.

"Where are we going?" biglang tanong ni Sed. I tried to brush off my irritation and
I was successfully failing at it. Hinigpitan ko ang kapit ko sa steering wheel as I
faked a smile.

"Well-I want to take you to my safe haven."

"Nightclubs?" I clenched my jaw at how Sed sounded when he said the word nightclub.
It was filled with distaste and venom. I tried to laugh a bit but it came out too
forced.

"That's my second favorite place, but nice guess." I was being sarcastic, it was
dripping from my voice. Bumuntong hininga si Sed.

"Sorry." he quietly mumbled and it softened my heart a bit but it didn't remove the
hurting inside my chest.

Hindi nalang ako nagsalita at dumeretso na sa lugar na pagdadalhan ko sakanya.

Pumunta kami sa mall of asia since malapit ito sa seaside which is ang original
safe haven ko pero since it's not yet near sunset, hindi na muna kami pupunta doon.
Lugar namin yon ni Chase. It's my safe haven, a piece of me, I don't even know what
came over me at idinala ko siya dito. I should've taken him somewhere else. I was
attaching myself too much.

Pero wala naman ng magagawa dahil nandito na kami.

"Safe haven?" tumaas ang kilay niya habang tumitingin siya sa paligid niya na
parang ngayon pa lang siya nakapunta dito. I sneered.

"This is not the safe haven I'm talking about but anyway, mamaya pa yon. Marami na
akong alam sa'yo, thanks to your kambal since you're not that fun to talk to. At
alam kong wala rin naman akong mahihita sa'yo. And since marami akong alam sa'yo, I
figured that it's time para ikaw naman ang may malaman sa akin." I grinned at him
so wide that it hurts pero blangko parin ang mukha niya.

"Ice skating tayo?" aya ko sakanya and he groaned.

"It's not like I have a choice." tumawa ako at matapos ay hahawakan ko sana ang
kamay niya pero hindi ko itinuloy at naglakad nalang ng mabilis. I'm trying to
avoid any form of physical contact dahil napapaso ako. It's not helping with the
twisting and rotating of my tummy either.

Sed paid for the both of us not because he wants to. Naglabas kasi siya ng one
thousand bill kaya sinabi ko na dalawa na. Hindi naman na nakaontra si Sed. Siguro
nahihiya tumanggi dahil dun sa cashier, kalalaki niyang tao pagbabayarin niya yung
babae. I secretly laughed behind him. Nung nasa rink na kami nanatiling nakatayo si
Sed at nakakapit lang sa gilid Hindi naman niya sinabi sakin na hindi siya sanay.
Actually, wala siyang sinabi na kahit ano. I told him to try and just skate pero
inirapan lang ako ng loko.

Umikot ako sa loob ng rink pero nanatili parin si Sed sa puwesto niyang iyon. I
even saw girls checking him out. Naramdaman ko ang pagtalas ng kuko ko. Parang may
gusto atang makalmot ng wala sa oras ah.

May sumubok na kumausap kay Sed, tumatawa pa nga ito. Mabuti nalang at poker face
lang si Sed kundi isasaksak ko yung blades sakanya. Sinubukan ko tikisin for one
minute dahil ayaw ko ng nagmumukhang possessive dahil never naman ako nagkaroon ng
pagmamay-ari na kailangan kong i-possess. I've never felt-this, protective of
something. It was forebodingly bothersome.

Mabilis akong lumapit kay Sed sabay hawak sa kamay niya. I don't care if
electricity currents are flowing in my skin whenever I'm touching him. I don't care
if my heart is contracting. Gusto ko lang siya malayo sa mga babaeng yon. Gosh. I
was never the domineering type-but Sed really knows how to bring out the worse
emotions in me that I never even knew it existed.

"Why didn't you tell me na hindi ka sanay mag ice skating?" I spat at him.

"You never asked." sagot nito and I sighed.

"Don't let me go." tahimik na sabi nito and my heart vibrated off my chest.

"W-What?" mahigpit ang pagkakahawak ni Sed sa kamay ko at hindi ko mapigilan ang

pagpawisan sa malagkit na tingin niya sa akin. Malagkit nga ba o binibigyan ko lang
ng malisya?

"Hindi ako sanay, malalalaglag ako." tinutukoy niya yung ice skating. Huminga ako
ng malalim at kinalma ang sarili ko. Cool ka lang, don't be so alarmed. Just be
smooth around him.

"Sometimes, it's okay to fall. Especially when you know that there's someone who's
willing enough to catch you." sagot ko dito. I don't even know where that one came
from.

At dahil magkaharap kami ni Sed, nagkatitigan lang kaming dalawa ng deretso sa

mata. Tiningnan ko ang labi niya and I was tempted to kiss his pink lips right now
but not here. It's too big and public. I will be too out of control that I won't be
able to stop myself.

Sinubukan kong ngumiti sakanya at mabilis na binitawan ang kamay niya. "D'yan ka
lang, iikot lang ako saglit." he remained standing as I skated away from him. I
clamped the hand that made contact with Sed's hand into a tight ball. Nararamdaman
ko parin ang pag-ikot ng kuryente sa palad ko. It was warm and tingling. I knew it
was a bad sign kaya lumayo muna ako sakanya para umikot saglit.

Sinubukan kong turuan si Sed for the next two hours pero hindi parin siya sanay.
Inaya ko na siyang umalis at mukhang he's more than willing to get out of the
skating rink. I guess he's too used running with his feet. He's a basketball player
after all. Hinatak ko siya papunta sa starbucks para bumili ng paborito kong
Chocolate Chip Cream. Si Sed naman, he ordered a Peppermint Mocha. Grande size.
"Never ko natikman yung ibang nakalagay sa menu dito."

"Why?" for the first time, he sounded really interested. Napangiti naman ako.

"I don't know, baka kasi masayang lang sakin."

"Maybe because you don't want to leave your comfort zone." napaangat ang ulo ko at
napatingin kay Sed. He was still wearing the same popular poker face of the year
pero sumagad talaga sa buto yung sinabi niya.

"You sounded like you know me." umiling-iling si Sed sa akin this time.

"I don't. You're a very closed book. I can't read you."

I shrugged. "Because there's nothing to read."

"There's so much to read." namula ako sa masinsin na pagtitig sa akin ni Sed. It
was uncomfortable and it was making me conscious of myself. For the nth time, I
mentally groaned again.

Sed.

"Tara!" tumayo ako, trying to shake off the feelings building up inside my chest. I
was trying to distract him from reading on me too much, and I was trying to
distract myself from thinking too much of him either.

Hindi ko na hinawakan si Sed and I comfortable settled my hand on my grande

frappucino. Sumunod siya sa akin papunta sa labas ng Mall of Asia, dumeretso kami
sa sea side. "Welcome to my safe haven." sabi ko sabay deretso takbo sa gilid na
semento at umupo paharap sa kawalan.

Naramdaman ko si Sed na umupo sa tabi ko. I let out a contented sigh.

"Ang ganda 'no?" I asked him without looking away from the sun that's currently
setting.

"Yeah." it was a simple but meaningful answer. Napangiti ako at tumingin kay Sed-I
was half expecting na nakatingin siya sa akin pero mukhang kanina pa siya
nakatingin sa araw. Not that I needed his affirmation, alam ko naman na maganda
ako. I mentally flipped my hair over my shoulder.

"Dito ako dinadala ni Chase kapag malung-gusto kong gumala." Sed frowned.

"Say it." I sighed.

"Something happened one night, close friends palang kami ni Chase nung time na yon.
I had no friends other than him and-anyway, he brought me here and comforted me.
Kaya sa tuwing malungkot ako, dito niya lang ako dinadala at hahayaan niya akong
umiyak sa loob ng sasakyan."

"Hinahayaan?" ngumisi ako at tumingin sa sun set.

"I don't like it when people see my weak side. It's like giving them the license to
hurt you."

"Theater. You were hurt?" I shrugged.

"I don't talk about what hurts me. That's more stupid than letting someone see
you're weak."

Nang tuluyan ng makalubog ang araw, inaya ko ulit si Sed. Tinanong niya kung saan
naman kami susunod na pupunta pero hindi ko nalang siya sinagot. Pinasunod ko
nalang siya sa akin, still avoiding physical contact since apparently, he's very
hazardous.

Pumunta kami sa The Veranda. Doon na kami kumain ng dinner. Mukhang hindi pa
nakakapunta don si Sed since ako pumili ng kakainin namin. Matapos naming kumain,
kinuha ko ang isang short bondpaper na pinagprintan ko ng chords at lyrics mula sa
bag ko at tumayo.

"Where are you going?" I just winked at him.

Lumakad ako papunta sa mini-stage sa harap na kasalukuyang may taong nasa harap at
nagsasalita. Lumapit ako at nagrequest. Tumango naman siya agad at ngumiti sa akin.
Umakyat na ako sa stage at matapos ay umupo sa stool na may microphone at music
stand sa harapan.

Inayos ko ang microphone at itinapat sa bibig ko pagkatapos ilagay ang bondpaper sa

ibabaw ng music stand. Umakyat ulit yung babaeng nakatayo kanina at inabot sa akin
ang isang gitara.

I cleared my throat.

"This song is dedicated to the person whom I courting, Sed Saavedra, sa mga
naghahanap siya po yung gwapo na nakasuot ng uniform. Hindi po ako singer, pero-
makapal po mukha ko kaya magtiis kayo." sabi ko dito earning a couple of laughter
from the crowd.

Sinimulan ko na ang paggitara. Sinubukan ko itong pag-aralan last week. Medyo

mahirap dahil hindi naman ako sanay maggitara, nagpaturo nga lang ako kay Chase.
Buti nalang sanay siya.

"If I fall for you, would you fall too?" I sang, locking my eyes on Sed. Nakatingin
lang siya sa akin. Habang papalapit na ako sa dulo ng kanta ay lumalabas ang ngiti
sa labi niya.

I smiled. "Would you fall too?"

The crowd howled and clapped their hands as I ended my performance. Tumayo ako at
nagbow naman ng napakalaki while giving out flying kisses. Napailing-iling naman si
Sed na pumapalakpak din.

Ngayon, nakasakay kami sa ferris wheel. Nagke-kwento ako sakanya ng nagke-kwento

tungkol sa mga past adventures ko nung highschool ako-maging nung college. Lahat ng
nakaaway ko sinabi ko sakanya. Hindi ko nga lang sinabi yung dahilan ng away. Hindi
man siya tumatawa, enough na yung napapangiti ko siya.

"Who's your favorite band?" Sed suddenly asked. For the first time-he asked
something about me. Ngumiti ako pero bigla akong napasimangot dahil hindi ko alam
ang sagot. And then I thought of the song that I really really liked from a bad
that I'm not really familiar with.

"FM Static!"

"Why?" tanong niya sa akin.

"Why not?" I asked back and he just shook his head.

Hindi ko alam kung sasagot pa si Sed pero kung oo man, hindi na ito natuloy dahil
biglang lumiwanag ang kalangitan dahil sa fireworks display. Friday kasi ngayon
kaya may special fireworks. Laging may pyromusical sa Mall of Asia pag Friday. Pati
rin ata Saturday.

Hindi ko mapigilan mapangiti lalo na't nahinto kami sa pinakataas. Nakatingin lang
ako doon ng may malaking ngiti sa labi ko. Ang ganda talaga.

"I've always loved seeing different colors in the sky." hindi ako tumingin kay Sed
pero naramdaman ko na nakatingin siya sa akin. "I love it because it looks so-
magical and enthralling. Parang yung sunset. My dads told me when I was eight that
God was a painter. He painted the sun set in the sky so that people could find a
reason to smile at the end of the day."

Hindi sumagot si Sed sa sinabi ko and I didn't mind. I just appreciated the
colorful fireworks exploding in the black starry sky. It was astonishing.

"Maybe." napatingin ako kay Sed sa biglaang pagsasalita na ginawa niya.

"What?"

"Your question, my answer is maybe."

*******************************************
Sticky note

*******************************************

Fifteen
Sticky note

I tried to distance myself for a while from Sed for about a week. Hindi ko siya
tinext o tinawagan. Hindi ko rin siya nakita o nakausap dahil hindi ko pinagtagpo
ang landas naming dalawa. Hindi ako pumasok sa subjects ko na kaklase ko siya.
Tinatanong nga ni Sasha kung umiiwas ba ako kay Sed o kung may nangyari ba. Sinabi
ko nalang wala.

Wala naman talagang nangyari.

Pagkatapos sabihin ni Sed ang salitang Maybe, our car slowly descended. Hindi na
ako nakasagot sakanya, at hindi ko rin alam ang isasagot ko. Parang nagyelo ang
buong katawan ko sa sinabi niya. I know it doesn't have one syllable, but the title
already rubbed up on him because he's a man of few words. Monosyllable-and yet, it
managed to crack my cruel and numb heart.Napasimangot ako. I shouldn't have
brought him there. Bringing him there was a bad idea. It's good for my plan but it
was never good for my heart. I shouldn't have opened up to him. Fuck. I don't even
think that doing these-making him fall is a good idea anymore. I was risking my own
heart. And fuck it if it doesn't scare the shit out of me.
So don't fall in love, there's just too much to lose

It was subtle and so out of nowhere. Pagkatapos kong hindi magparamdam sakanya ng
isang linggo, magte-text ako ng ganyan sakanya?

Hindi siya nagreply sakin. I don't know why I even bothered to wait for his reply.
Siguro galit na siya sa akin ngayon kasi umalis nalang ako ng walang imik. Sinabi
niya sakin na ihahatid niya na ako pero sinabi ko na kaya kong umuwi mag-isa.
Natarayan ko pa nga siya. It was my self-defense. Tumataas lang naman yun pag sa
tingin kong kinakailangan na.

Tuesday, I'm ready to face him. Papasok na ako sa klase namin. Masyado ng gasgas
kay Sasha ang dahilan na hindi ako nagigising ng maaga o kaya masyado na akong late
kaya hindi na ako pumasok. I already had my mind focused into my goals. I hope.

To be honest-I don't have any single clue on how I could do the next step. If I
still have the will to do it. If I can do it-I don't know. I wasn't sure anymore.

Maybe.

Damn it.

I held my breath as I entered the room for my first subject-with Sed. Pagkapasok
ko, sa upuan niya agad ako napatingin and I was disappointed because I didn't see
him. Not even a single hair. I mentally frowned. Nasaan naman kaya siya? Nauna
nanaman ba ako?

Dumeretso ako sa dating upuan ko-sa tabi ni Sasha na may kausap na isang student at
mukhang excited pa siya.

Napatingin sila sakin nang ilapag ko ang bag ko sa vacant seat sa tabi niya at
halos manluwa ang mata nila nang makita ako. "Akiko!!!" tumayo si Sasha para
yakapin ako at nagulat naman ako sa ginawa niya.

"Uh-hi?"
"Namiss kita!" she pouted.

"Sha, kakakita lang natin kahapon. Wag kang OA, please?" inirapan ako ni Sasha at
matapos ay bumalik nalang sa upuan niya. I shook my head at her, sitting down at my
usual chair.

"Confirmed. Iniiwasan mo talaga si Sedrick. May ginawa ba siya sa'yo? Binusted ka

ba niya? I swear, yari sakin yun pag nalaman ko na pinaiyak ka niya! Bubunutin ko
lahat ng ngipin niya isa-isa without anesthesia!!" gigil na gigil na sabi ni Sasha
and I can't feel but overwhelmed. Gagawin niya yon? Para sa akin? I know she won't
do it, but hating her own twin for me? Hindi ko mapigilan ang pagtaba ng puso ko sa
sinabi niya.

"Wala naman ginawa si Sed sa akin. And what are you talking about? Anong
confirmed?"

"Eh paano kung kailan sure na sure na wala siya-tsaka ka pumasok."

"Sure na wala siya? Bakit? Ano nangyari?" unti-unting may lumabas na nakakakilabot
at mapang-asar na ngiti mula sa mukha ni Sasha.

"Uuuuuy. Concerned!!" she wadded her pointing finger on me and clicked her tongue
repeatedly.

"Manliligaw ka pa naman na naturingan ni Sed. Pagkatapos-haaaay. Dapat sa'yo bina-

basted eh."

Bigla akong napasimangot.

"Tumutubo nanaman sungay mo. Oo na, oo na! May game sila Sedrick laban sa ibang
school."

"Ngayon?"

"Bukas! Kaya nga puro sila practice these past few days. Kawawa naman ang twin
brother ko. Manunuod ka diba? You're going to support him right?" I bit my bottom
lip. I was hesitating. Hindi na nga ako sigurado kung itutuloy ko ang plano kong
ito. I really need Chase right now. I don't know what to think.
"I don't know... I have-uh, errands." I tried to reason out.

"Liar." she accused and I sighed. Tumingin ako dun sa babaeng kasama ni Sasha. I
think nakuha naman niya na kailangan niyang umalis kaya umalis siya.

"I'm taking a break from Sed."

"What?! Why?" she sounded like she's in panic. Napangiwi ako sakanya pero she's
obviously not faking it.

"I'm not really that good in being-committed. I've never been in a relationship
kaya, it's sort of hard for me to adjust."

"Then why did you show interest on him? Why did you court him? Para saan yung mga
ginagawa mo sakanya?" I was now getting the third degree. I blinked a few times.

"Time pers. Tuloy-tuloy yung mga tanong ah? I showed my interest on him, because I
am interested in him. I courted him-because I want to court him. But let's say
huminto ako, will it matter? It's not like your twin brother likes me. He even said
it himself. It will never happen. Pinagpipilitan ko lang ang sarili ko."

"So that's why you're-" I groaned.

"No. That happened when I-you know what? Fine, pupunta ako. Okay na ba?" sabi ko
sakanya. Biglang tumawa si Sasha.

"Good." she grinned like she won in a battle. And I think she just did. Alam kong
inawa niya yon para sumama ako dahil alam niya kung gaano ko kaayaw ang
magpaliwanag ng sarili ko.

Nandito kaming dalawa ni Chase sa students' park at tinititigan ko ang wall na

nilagyan namin ng kolorete last last week. Bakit ba ang bilis ng panahon? I sighed.

"We've been here for two hours at hindi ka parin nagsasalita. Spill." utos sa akin
ni Chase at napasimangot lang ako. Kanina pa ang last subject ko at wala pa ako sa
mood na umuwi. Hindi naman ako magcu-club dahil kakapunta ko lang ng club ngung
isang gabi. Wala akong gaanong ginawa last week kaya I'm not in a rush to hunt.

"He said maybe."

Tumingin kay Chase na nakakunot noo na nakatingin lang sa akin. "What? Who said
maybe? And to what?"

Tinango ko ang ulo ko sa pader na nasa harapan ko. And I think Chase got it. "Oh,
hindi ba dapat matuwa ka?"

"Yun nga eh. Hindi ako natutuwa." I frustratingly confessed. "Hindi ko siya dapat
dinala sa sea side. That date thing is a really bad idea."

"Dinala mo siya?" mukhang nagulat si Chase sa sinabi ko sakanya. I've never been
with anyone in the sea side except for Chase. Lugar kasi namin yun. Lugar ko yun.
Kaya alam ko na mali ang desisyon kong yon.

"I don't think this is a good idea anymore-Chase. I can feel myself slowly walking
to the edge."

"Then stop walking." he snapped and I shook my head. Sinubukan kong huminto sa
paglalakad-I tried to control myself for a week and I'm barely surviving at the
fact of being away from him. The thought of being without him was starting to
become unbearable.

"I don't know BB. We need to think of a new plan."

Inaya kong manuod si Chase ng laban nila Sed kinabukasan. Pumayag naman siya agad.
Ipinaalam ko kay Sasha the night before the game na isasama ko si Chase at pumayag
naman siya agad.

Sa Mall of Asia sports arena magaganap ang laban ng EW sa kalaban na university. Sa

totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung sino ang kalaban nila at medyo wala rin akong paki.
Hindi naman ako yayaman kapag nalaman ko kaya wag nalang.
Maraming tao sa loob ng arena. It's actually my first time to be here kahit madalas
ako sa Mall of Asia kaya medyo naninibago ako sa lugar. At since kapatid ng star
player si Sasha, nakakuha kami ng VIP seats. Pero kahit naman hindi kami makakuha,
makakaupo parin kami dito. Like hello? Kasama ko kaya ang mapera na si Chase. Pero
afford ko rin naman ang VIP, kaya money is not a problem. Expert ako pagdating sa
pag-iipon ng pera kaya hindi problema sa akin ang bagay na iyon.

Hindi pa nagsisimula ang buong program. Hindi pa pinapakilala ang dalawang

university pati ang mga players nito. Napakagat ako ng labi ko. I've never seen
them play in a real game pero alam kong magaling si Sed. Sharp shooter nga siya eh.
I bitterly thought.

"Nasaan sila?" tanong ko kay Sasha.

"Baka nasa locker room. Why?"

Umiling-iling ako sakanya. "Gusto ko lang manggulo kay Sed bago siya maglaro."
bigla namang napangiti si Sasha sa akin.

"Hindi ba niya alam na pupunta ka sa game niya?" I shrugged.

"Depends kung sinabi mo." she shook her head. Iniisip niya kaya kung pupunta ako ng
game niya? Pero bakit naman niya iisipin yun? Maybe. Gee.

"Gusto mo bang puntahan si Sedrick? Pagkalabas mo lang dito, deretso ka lang tapos
kaliwa. Nakalagay naman sa pinto kung yun yung locker room nila o hindi." kumapit
ako sa bag na dala ko at pinag-isipan kung gusto ko ba siyang makita before the
game. Of course I do. I've been dying to see him since that night. Maybe. If it
weren't for that word, baka hindi ko siya iniwasan.

"Sige. Sisilipin ko lang siya saglit." tumayo ako at iniwan yung bag ko kay Chase.
Tinaasan pa ako ng kilay ng loko kaya sinubsob ko yung bag ko sa mukha niya bago
umalis sa kinapu-pwestohan namin.

Kakausapin niya kaya ako? Galit kaya siya sa akin? I frowned. Hindi naman siguro?
Sino naman ako sakanya para magalit siya sa akin diba?

Nakarating na ako sa tapat ng locker room nila. Hindi ko alam kung kakatok ba ako o
hindi pero ngayon lang ako pinanghinaan ng loob in my entire twenty years of
existence. I was scared that he'll just ignore me again. Pero lagi naman niya ako
sinusungitan at hindi pinapansin kaya I don't see the difference. Ano nga ba ang
pinagkaiba?

Maybe.

Ginulo ko ang buhok ko nang marinig ko nanaman ang boses ni Sed sa ulo ko. Kapag
naririnig ko yon, parang bumabalik ako nung gabi na sinabi niya sa akin yon.
Damshet.

Wag na nga lang!!

Tumalikod ako para umalis pero napahinto ako nang makita ko si Sed na nakatayo mula
sa malapit at nakatingin lang sa akin. Suot-suot niya na ang jersey niya and
condemn me in hell if he doesn't look ten times hotter. Kulay dark blue at white
ang color combination ng jersey na suot-suot niya. I think I'd like it better if
he's not wearing it though.

Ah gahd, ano ba 'tong ang pinag-iisip ko?

Pinilit kong ngumiti at matapos ay itinaas ang kamay ko para mag wave sakanya.
Hindi ko alam kung imahinasyon ko lang yon pero gumaan bigla ang mukha ni Sed.
Kanina kasi parang pasan-pasan niya yung buong planeta sa sobrang busangot ng mukha
niya.

Nagsimula siyang maglakad nang makita niya na papalapit ako sakanya. Huminto siya
nang magkalapit kami at para akong nanghina sa tingin na ibinibigay niya sa akin.
It was like he's trying to re-familiarize my face again.

"You came." mahinang sabi nito and I gulped every emotion in my throat and grinned
at him as wide and fake as I can.

"Syempre naman! Pwede bang mawala ako sa basketball game ng nililigawan ko?" I
proudly exclaimed and a smile flashed his face pero kung gaano siya kabilis lumabas
ay ganoon din kabilis nawala ang ngiting iyon.

"Where have you been?" tanong niya sa akin at unti-unting nawala ang ngiti sa labi
ko. Napatingin ako sa sahig. Sa sapatos niya na sa sobrang ganda-mukhang mas mahal
pa sa iphone ko. Sinubukan ko mag-isip ng isasagot ko. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit
ako nakatingin sa sahig. Looking down means you're being ashamed of something. And
I'm not ashamed of anything. Ever.
"Does it matter? I'm here now aren't I?"

"Yes." hindi ko alam kung saan niya sagot yan pero hindi ko nalang pinansin. May
kukunin na sana akong note mula sa bulsa nag pants na suot ko nang bigla niyang
inilahad ang kamay niya. May sticky note na nakalagay sa palad nito. Napakunot ang
noo ko.

"What's that?" he shrugged. Tinitigan ko lang ito at nagbuntong hininga naman si

Sed. Kinuha niya ang kamay ko. Nagulat pa nga ako dahil bumalik nanaman yung ground
sa balat ko. It happened so quick-naka-focus ako masyado sa naramdaman kong ground
na hindi ko napansin ang pag-alis ni Sed.Nang matauhan ako, nakita ko na inilagay
niya sa kamay ko ang sticky note na hawak-hawak niya kanina.

I unfolded the note and there it was written:

I can't get you out of my lonely mind

Bigla ko nanaman naramdaman ang pagsikip ng puso ko sa sulat ni Sed. My heart was
slowly plummeting that I don't think it has enough energy to function. My lungs
were both starting to collapse. It was like something's stepping over and over on
my chest-ruining those two valuable parts of my body. My brain didn't help with
what was happening in me. It stopped operating too.I blinked a few times when I
finally snapped out of my reverie and a guy was waving his hand in front of my
face.

"Ayos ka lang Miss?" I stared at the guy in front of me for a long time-and then
the craving comes next.

*******************************************
Step Four: Show him how much you care.

*******************************************
Can you guys send me questions sa ask?

ask.fm/kissmyredips

Pretty please with cherry on top?

Eos
x

Sixteen
Step Four: Show him how much you care.

Step Four: Show him how much you care.

To prove how serious and committed you are to him, you need to show your affection.
Be open with your feelings and let him know how much you care. Asking him if he has
eaten-how his day is going or giving him your full attention is enough to make a
point that you care. Show your sweet side!!

The next step gave me cancer. I've known it since yesterday pero hanggang ngayon
hindi ko parin naisip kung paano ko ipapakita kay Sed na concerned ako sakanya. It
was a difficult thing to do, to show. Letting someone know that you're attracted to
them is easy-but showing that you care? Now, that's a different story. Especially
for a self-proclaimed slut like me.

I stood up, wiping my lips and fixing myself to look decent enough as the guy that
I pulled a while ago groaned. Ngumiti ako. "Thank you."

Hindi na ito nakapagsalita, at kung nagsalita man-hindi ko narinig dahil mabilis

akong lumabas sa janitor's room na pinasukan namin kanina. Masyadong exposed ang
man's restroom dito kaya nagtiis nalang ako sa janitor's room. Bumalik na ako sa
court dahil mukhang nagsisimula na yung game.

Pagkarating ko, mukhang tapos na ang pagpapakilala sa mga basketball players.

Dumeretso ako sa pwesto kung saan kami nakaupo. Nandoon parin naman si Chase at
Sasha. They were both focused on what was happening in the court. Napatingin sila
nang kunin ko ang bag ko kay Chase.

"Saan ka nanggaling?" tanong ni Sasha.

"Naligaw ako eh." I lied. Sasha pouted.

"Hindi mo nakausap si twin?" umiling-iling ako at ibinalik niya nalang ang tingin
niya sa court. Nabigla ako nang bigla siyang maglabas ng megaphone sa tabi niya.
Hindi ko mapigilan ang mapatawa sa sunod na ginawa ni Sasha.
"Go Sedrick Saavedra!! Nanunuod yung manliligaw mo kaya galing-galingan mo naman!
Lovelots. Mwamwatsuptsup ah!" sigaw nito at imbis na mainis, napatawa nalang ako.

Mula sa bench seat, lumingon sa amin si Sedrick. Nakasimangot siya nung sinubukan
niya kaming hanapin pero nang magtama ang mata namin, bahagya siyang ngumiti. Hindi
ko rin napigilan ang sarili ko at napangiti ako sakanya. Umiwas din siya ng tingin
at ibinalik ang atensyon sa coach niya na mukhang may itinuturong strategy.

"Totoo ba yung nakita ko?" I turned my attention to Sasha and she really looked
like she was in state of shock. Sinubukan kong tingnan yung tinitingnan niya pero
wala naman ng tao dun dahil umalis na yung mga players kasi tumunog na yung buzzer.

"Ano ba yung nakita mo?" tanong ko sakanya.

"My brother just smiled at you." Napakunot ang noo ko.

"Yes. Why?"

"He doesn't smile." tumingin sakin si Sasha.

"Ngayon lang." My heart started sinking again. Naramdaman ko nanaman ang sarili ko
na hindi humihinga. Wala talaga akong balak huminga nang biglang humawak si Chase
sa kamay ko. Marahan niyang ipinisil ito at doon na ako nakahanap ng hangin sa baga
ko. I was gasping for air.

"You're a miracle worker Aki!" masayang sabi niya sakin at nag-aalinlangan naman
akong ngumiti sakanya.

"I've heard that countless of times." I dryly uttered but she probably doesn't get
it.

Lagi ko yan naririnig sa mga conquest ko, minus the name. I never let them call me
with my first name. It's what separates them from the life I originally want to,
somehow.
Hindi na sumagot sa akin si Sasha dahil nagsimula na ang game. Kasama agad si Sed
sa maglalaro and he was really good. I've seen him in court during his practices
and he has always been serious when it comes to playing ball. Naalala ko tuloy yung
sinabi ni Sasha sakin na dahilan kung bakit siya naglalaro ng basketball. "-we may
be twins but he is more attached to Kuya Dustin than me. Siya ang nagturo kay
Sedrick ng basketball. That's why Sedrick values basketball so much."

My heart immediately softened at the thought. He's doing all of this for his
brother. It was the sweetest thing ever that it made my heart clench. "You smell
like you just fed." Chase snarled at me. Napatingin naman ako sakanya at bigla
akong napaayos sa buhok ko.

If I smell like it, I probably looked like it too. I stopped from fixing my hair
when I realized that I was being conscious of how I look again. Damshet. "I got
thirsty." I guiltily answered and Chase disappointingly shook his head at me.

"You said you just recently went to a club." tumango ako.

"Nakausap ko siya and then I got thirsty."

"Nauuhaw ka Aki?" napalingon kami pareho kay Sasha. Nakalimutan ko na kasama pala
namin si Sasha. Kadalasan kasi kaming dalawa lang ni Chase ang magkasama. Bukod
kayla Gavin-wala na kaming nakasama ni Chase na iba. Well-there's N- "Yeah, bibili
lang ako ng drinks." Chase glared at me before leaving.

He's pissed and the reason why he's leaving is he wants to let his anger past.
Pagbalik nun, magso-sorry sakin at magbabati rin kami. "Bakit parang galit yung
isang yun?"

"Ganon talaga yon kapag gutom, daig pa ang may PMS. Don't mind him." tumango sakin
si Sasha. Ibinalik namin pareho ang atensyon namin sa basketball game and we both
cheered whenever EW scores. Nang makabalik si Chase, tapos na ang first quarter at
nagpe-perform na ang pep squad ng university namin. When the speaker buzzed, the
game resumed.

Bumalik na ulit si Sed sa laro. First half kasi, pinagpahinga na siya since tambak
naman na ang kalaban. And now, he's back in the ball game. "Go kambal! S-E-D! Go
Sedrick! You're the best! Ang gwapo mo talaga mana ka sa kambal mo! Pakiss nga!!"
sigaw ni Sasha sa mega phone niya at natawa naman ako. Inalok sakin ni Sasha yung
mega phone pero agad-agad akong umiling-iling sakanya. A moment later, nagsalita
narin si Chase.
"Sorry." Napangiti ako at mukhang hindi naman kami napapansin ni Sasha dahil
masyado siyang concentrated sa panonood niya ng game ng kambal niya. Tumingin ako
kay Chase at ngumiti.

"Apology accepted." sagot ko dito. He grinned and me, leaning in to gave me a kiss
on the forehead. The whole crowd gasped in unison.

"Sedrick!!" Sasha shouted at napatingin naman agad ako sa court. My blood rose in
my head. I haven't seen what happened yet but I was already beggining to panic.
Nakita ko nalang si Sed na nakasalampak sa baba at pinapalibutan ng mga players,
maging sa ibang school. Nandilat ang mata ko at nangangati na tumakbo sa court.

"Anong nangyari?!" I asked Sasha.

"Nagteardrop shot siya, pagkababa niya bigla nalang siya ng tumba. Namali ata ng
footing." Sasha bit her bottom lip. I can sense that she's worried.

Nanatili parin nakaupo si Sed habang hawak-hawak ang tuhod niya. His face was
twisting in pain. My heart compressed at the thought of Sed hurting like this. He
looked like he was really hurt. Nabalian kaya siya? Bakit hindi pa siya tumatayo?

Lumapit na yung coach ng team pati ang referee, I think they were asking kung okay
lang si Sed. Sed shook his head but he was still gripping on his leg. Sinubukan
itong hawakan ng coach pero mas lalo siyang namilipit sa sakit. Tumayo ang coach at
umiling-iling. Sed began to look like he's in panic. Sinubukang tumayo ni Sed pero
halatang nahihirapan siya.

"Ano bang ginagawa niya?!" nanggagalaiti na tanong ni Sasha. Hindi ko alam kung
sino ang kausap niya kaya hindi nalang ako sumagot. Hindi ko rin naman alam ang
sagot kung ano ang ginagawa niya. "He's convincing their coach to play. I bet
napilayan si Sed pero gusto niyang maglaro-damn it. Ang kulit ni Sed!" Sasha's
starting to sound like she's pissed.

Napakagat ako sa labi ko. Sa itsura ni Sed, mukhang determinado talaga siyang
maglaro. Pinanuod ko lang ang nangyayari, hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Sed and
their coach looked like they were arguing, yung mga team mates naman ni Sed-they
looked too solemn. He's really deteremined to play pero obvious naman na hindi niya
kaya. I never knew that he's this stubborn.
Biglang tumunog ang time out buzz. Sinubukan siyang alalayan ng mga team mates niya
but he just shook their hands off at ika-ikang lumakad ng mag-isa. Hindi siya sa
bench nila dumeretso kundi papunta sa exit ng court. Bigla akong tumayo sa
kinakaupuan ko.

"Saan ka pupunta?" Sasha asked.

"I'll talk some sense into your twin." Sasha wishfully looked at me and nodded.
Binigyan ko ng makahulugang tingin si Chase and he just nodded. Mabilisa kong
tumakbo para sundan si Sed papalabas. Paniguradong maabutan ko naman siya since
umiika-ika siya. Dumaan muna ako ng ice compress sa infirmary pati narin ng elastic
bandage.

Pagkarating ko sa tapat ng locker room nila, hindi ako basta-basta pumasok dahil
may naririnig akong sumigaw sa loob. "Wag mo akong daanin sa tigas ng ulo mo
Saavedra! Pag sinabi kong hindi ka maglalaro, hindi ka maglalaro!" I heard a loud
and low booming voice from the locker room. Siguro nasa loob ang coach ni Sedrick.
Napasimangot ako.

"I said I'm fine coach! I already said I can manage!" stubborn. I groaned.

"You're fine? Fine. If you're really fine, sumunod ka sakin at subukan mong
takbuhin yung buong court, twenty times. Pag nagawa mo yon-paglalaruin kita." I
heard some footsteps. Biglang bumukas ang pinto at nagulat naman yata yung coach sa
akin.

"This is a restricted area."

"First aid." inangat ko yung dala-dala ko. He just grumped and then left me.

Binuksan ko ang pinto at nakita ko si Sed na nakasandal sa pader at nakapatong ang

braso sa mukha niya. "Bakit kasi ang tigas ng ulo mo?" I slammed the door behind
me.

Bigla naman napaayos ng upo si Sed sa gulat at bumalik ang usual poker face niya
nang makita niya ako. "What are you doing here?" he snapped and I made a face.

"You were hurt. What do you expect me to do?" Sed just hissed. Umiwas siya ng
tingin. Lumapit naman ako agad sakanya at umupo sa harapan niya.
"Does it hurt a lot?" I sincerely asked.

"No." he mumbled under his breath. Tinaasan ko naman siya ng kilay.

"Ahhh. Hindi pala masakit?" hinawakan ko yung paa niya na may injury at bigla naman
siyang napasigaw sa sakit. Another first. It's my first time to see him so much
emotion.

"Jesus!" he cussed, glaring at me as he comforted his right foot.

"Tatanungin ulit kita, masakit o hindi?"

"Masakit." he grumbled like a child. Para siyang nagtatampong bata sa tono ng boses
niya at hindi ko naman maiwasan ang mapatawa. "Harhar." sabi pa nito and I just
foolishly grinned at him, shaking my head at how childish he sounded.

Dahan-dahan kong kinuha ang paa niya at mukhang nagulat naman siya. I know he was
about to ask what I was doing pero natigilan lang siya nang ipatong ko ang paa niya
sa ibabaw ng hita ko. I pressed the ice compress on his ankle and he moaned in
pain. I even flinched at how hurt he sounded.

"Sorry." I murmured.

"No." he shook his head like telling me na hindi ako dapat ako magsorry because I
didn't do anything wrong. Ipinagpatuloy ko lang ang paglagay ng compress sa paa
niya. I was even gentle in pressing it to his foot-worried that I would hurt him.
Funny how I'm scared of seeing him hurt when that's what I was meant to do in the
first place.

"Where's Sasha?"

"With Chase." I replied. Ibinaba ko na ang compress at kinuha ang bandage na

hiningi ko mula sa infirmary. I position his foot and then started wrapping his
ankle the way I studied. Hindi ko inaakala na magiging helpful rin pala ang pinag-
aralan namin sa TLE before. Thanks Ms. Dapitan. I mentally shook my head.
I finished wrapping his ankle by placing the clips at the end. Inangat ko ang ulo
ko at nakita ko na nakatingin lang sa akin si Sed. I frowned at him.

"You're not going to play." I commanded. It was not a request. He mirrored my face
and glowered at me.

"No."

"Sedrick Saavedra, please don't be stubborn and selfish."

"Selfish?" tinaasan niya ako ng kilay.

"Yes. Selfish! Hindi mo ba alam na nag-aalala ang mga tao sa'yo? Nag-aalala si
Sasha sa'yo dahil sa nangyari sa'yo kanina! You don't know worried I was when I saw
you on the floor Sed! Pero ang tigas parin ng ulo mo!"

"Worried?" I groaned.

"Please don't play." I pleaded. "I know how much it is important for you to play. I
know the reason why. But please, don't play. I don't want to see you get hurt. It
breaks me to see you suffering like that." I controlled myself, stopped myself
before I can tear down. I restricted myself from crying even when I'm dying to do
it. Rule #09.

I saw my own eyes as I stared at Sed. I saw my own sadness, my own anxiety. I can
see my fear from his own eyes. He was looking at my soul. He was not just looking
at me. He was seeing right through me. It made me shiver when he sighed. Itinaas
niya ang kamay niya. He placed his hand at the side of my head, stroking my left
cheek with his thumb.

I wanted to sensually moan, but I stopped myself from doing so. It was a passionate
skinship-not an empty one. I don't want to ruin it with what I am. And all of this
boils down to that. No matter how much I like feeling this, feeling him-it will
never matter.

It will never matter if I feel something or not because at the end of the day-I
will always be Akiko Hedone Zaragosa. The girl who's damned for as long as she may
live.

*******************************************
Step Five: Make him miss you.

*******************************************

Seventeen
Step Five: Make him miss you.

Step Five: Make him miss you.

This is the last and final step. Everyone loves the chase. It's the most exciting
part in almost everything. Games, movies, sports-you name it. But you know what's
more lovable than chasing someone? Being that someone who's chased of course!! Grab
your best poker face girl, because you'll be ignoring your guy with all that you
can. You just need to make him miss you and make him realize what he will be
missing once you're out of his life.

The result of your hardwork will be out soon. You'll find out if your mission was a
success. If you failed-it only means one thing. He isn't the one. Always remember
though-girls who are hard to get are the ones who are hard to let go.

It was easy to ignore Sed. It was easy to distance myself from him. Everything was
easy with him except the fact that it hurts. I can't stand being away from him.
I've completely ignored him for four days since their game and guess what? He
doesn't care. I'm such a fool for believing that he did. I thought he cared. When
he injured himself last time and I told him to not play, he agreed. He even
caressed my cheek. He looked at me with so much-something that I can't even
comprehend.

For a second, I thought he might be falling for me. That all of this nightmare will
soon end but nooo, my hard work never paid off. I didn't text him, and he didn't
text me. I didn't call him, so he didn't call me either. I tried not to look at him
but whenever I do-he's not looking back. We didn't talk. It is as if I never
existed. It sucked. The feeling of being neglected by him sucked.

On the fifth day, I decided that I've pretended to ignore him long enough and just
stop pretending. This time, I truly ignored him. I went back to my old routine, my
usual ways. The day passed so slowly. I've spent a month and a half here in EW pero
ngayon ko lang napansin ang pagtakbo ng oras. I was so preoccupied by making Sed
fall that I didn't even notice that the painting competition is coming close. On
the sixth day, I saw him looking at me. It was a brief staring contest. I counted
the glorious moment. I don't think I've felt this much contented.

Too bad it only lasted for six seconds. Maybe his Maybe turned into a no. I frowned
at how bitter I sounded in my mind. Hindi ko na talaga alam kung anong dapat kong
maramdaman. Kung dapat ba akong masaktan. Kung dapat ba akong matuwa. I'm so
confused of my own feelings.

I'm confused and yet... and yet... I know how much I miss him. I miss his
monosyllabic personality. I miss his poker face. I miss seeing him smile.
Napabuntong hininga ako sa painting na ngayon ko lang natapos dahil sa sobrang dami
kong vacant. Ngayon ko palang kukunin dahil pinatuyo ko pa ito. It looked like-Sed.
It's very much Sed. Even with his side profile-he still looked handsome. It was a
painting that looked like a real photo. I sighed.

Ano naman gagawin ko dito? Isasabit sa kwarto ko? Sumimangot ako. I don't need a
memory of him every night that I'll be sleeping, thank you very much. Enough na
yung lagi siyang bisita ng panaginip ko. This is really frustrating. Bakit imbis na
siya ang makamiss sakin, bakit baliktad pa ata? Palpak na magazine! Palpak na ways!
Palpak na Akiko! Palpak! Palpak!

"Ano yan?" tanong sakin ni Sasha pagkapasok ko ng room.

Binalot ko sa dyaryo ang canvas dahil ayaw ko ipaglandakan sa lahat kung gaano
kagaling mag paint. Baka manghingi lang sila ng autograph sakin, mapagod pa ako.

"Painting. Sayo nalang." buntong hininga ko sakanya sabay abot.

"Gawa mo?" tumango ako at umupo nalang sa upuan katabi niya. Inalis ni Sasha ang
balot sa canvas at nakita ko ang pandilat ng mata niya pero wala talaga akong gana
ngayon. Gusto ko lang bumuntong hininga buong magdamag.

"Holy shit. Painting mo 'to?!" gulat na gulat na sigaw ni Sasha at tumango nalang
ako pero sobrang tamlay. "Sigurado ka? Hindi photoshop? Hindi pinrint? Hindi
developed?" hinawakan niya pa at inobserbahan ang canvas para tingnan kung painting
talaga.

Napanganga siya sa gawa ko at bumuntong hininga lang ulit ako. "Bibigay mo sakin
'to? Bakit hindi kay Sedrick? Bakit hindi mo itabi?" Sumimangot ako.

"Bakit naman kay Sedrick? At bakit ko naman itatabi?" She tsked.

"Bitter ka ata ah? Bakit mo ba kasi iniiwasan? Last last week ka pa eh. Okay naman
kayo nung after ng game ah. Ikaw pa nga yung nagbawal sakanya na maglaro. For a
moment, akala ko girlfriend ka na niya kaya ka niya sinunod." I gagged at the term
girlfriend. Ako? Hindi ako girlfriend material.

"Tago mo na yan. Baka makita pa niya, sabihin pinagpapantasyahan ko yung mukha

niya." umirap ako at tinaasan naman ako ng kilay ni Sasha.

"Bakit? Hindi ba?" I groaned.

"Oo, pero secret lang yon!" I whined and she just chuckled. Biglang bumukas ang
pinto and my heart automatically jumped (like always) when Sed came in.

"Sedrick!!" mabilis na sigaw ni Sasha. Biglang nagpanic ang buong katawan ko sa

ginawang pagsigaw ni Sasha. For a thought, akala ko lalapit siya dito. It's a good
thing na si Sasha ang tumayo at lumapit, pero dala-dala niya yung painting.
Sinubukan kong kalmahin ang puso ko. Be still. I heard a familiar voice say inside
my mind. I mentally groaned at the voice even more.

"Tingnan mo 'to! Ang pogi-pogi mo dito! Gawa ni Akiko! Oh my gas. I'm so kinikilig
talaga." ihinarap ni Sasha ang canvas kay Sedrick. Yung buong klase, mukhang
curious kung ano itsura nung painting. Kumunot ang noo ni Sedrick at parang gusto
ko naman magpaliwanag.

"Wag kang kiligin. Practice portrait lang yan. For short, trip trip lang." umirap
ako sakanya at mas lalo siyang napasimangot sa sagot ko. I made a face at him and
rolled my eyes again. Sasha cleared her throat at the tension between Sed and I,
Pagkatapos iniharap niya yung portrait sa harap ng klase. I heard a sound of
astonishment, it slightly pleased me. I wish those remarks could really gratify me-
but I can't be pleased by mere compliments. I wish it does but some wishes aren't
just meant to come true.

"Okaaaay. Gusto mo sa'yo nalang?" masiglang tanong ni Sasha.

"No." umatake nanaman si monosyllable. Imbis na mainis sa simpleng sagot niya ay

natuwa pa ako. Pero hindi ko nalang ito pinahalata na natuwa ako. I just sighed
again and rolled my eyes-looking as uninterested as possible. I think I was pretty
convincing. I'm an artist after all. The whole class settled when our philosophy
professor finally arrived. Bumalik na sila sa usual seats nila at ako naman ay
bumuntong hininga lang ulit.

"Isa pang buntong hininga mo, I promise, pupunit ako ng papel tapos ipapasak ko sa
bibig mo." I smirked at Sasha.
"I never thought you were a sadist Sha," pang-aasar ko dito at inismiran niya ako.

"I don't know what happened but your attitude feels like it's first day all over
again." napakurap-kurap ako. It made sense though. I was acting like a prissy
bitch. There's no point for me to act like I'm inspired or in like with someone or
whatever they call it after all. It's done. And I'll be doing my last resort soon.
Dapat pala yun nalang ang ginawa ko nung umpisa palang. Edi sana walang
complications ngayon. Edi sana wala na yung gumagapang na mga insekto sa loob ng
tiyan ko. Edi sana wala na akong nararamdaman na ground. Edi sana hindi ako
inaatake ng asthma.

"Sagutan niyo na itong seatwork na nakasulat sa board. Ipapasa yan ngayon. Yung
partner niyo nalang sa reporting. Work quietly." napanganga ako sa isip ko sa
sinabi ng magaling naming professor. Sobrang tamad talaga ng isang 'to. Sa dinami-
dami ng pwedeng gamitin-bakit yung sa reporting pa?

Hindi na ako nakakontra dahil mukhang willing naman yung iba sa partnering method.
Napasimangot ako at nanatili sa upuan ko. I was dreading to be with him and
unwilling to be with him at the same time. Katulad ko, hindi rin tumayo si Sed.
Aba? Ako pa ba ang lalapit?

"Ms. Zaragosa, Mr. Saavedra-wala ba kayong balak magsimula?"

"I can work alone sir." sagot ko agad dito at napasimangot naman si prof.

"May LQ ba kayo ni Mr. Saavedra, Ms. Zaragosa?"

"Wag po kayong issue sir. Unang-una po, hindi po kami lover's para magquarell.
Pangalawa, I just prefer being alone than working with someone who thinks by
knowing everything, he has rights to belittle someone." I was bringing up the past.
Who cares. Tinaasan ko ng kilay si Sed at sinamaan naman niya ako ng tingin. I saw
how his jaw was clenching and I still don't give a damn. I'm too damned to give
one.

"I'm not going to interlope with whatever between the two of you is going on. For a
thought na nililigawan mo si Mr. Saavedra? Anyway, I don't care if you two have a
misunderstanding. Work ethics. Professionalism, you two should try that." I rolled
my eyes.
"I never said I was professional anyway."

"Warning Ms. Zaragosa." biglang tumayo si Sed at matapos ay lumakad papalapit sa

akin. He was obviously thwarted. Naramdaman ko nanaman ang paghaharot ng puso ko.
Be still.

"Ano bang problema mo?" Sed hissed at me and I smirked.

"Wow. Complete sentence. In an interrogative way pa. Very good Sedrick!"

"Could you please stop it?" he snarled.

"Sanay ka narin magplease!! Oh my gosh, you're improving."

"Fuck. Galit ka ba sa akin?" doon na ako napasimangot.

"Bakit nanaman ako magagalit sayo?"

"Okay naman tayo nung game. And then-you just...suddenly distanced yourself from
me." Sed was scowling. He's really talking to me in complete sentence. I can't help
but be amazed. I should ignore him more often!

"Ano gusto mong gawin ko? Dumikit lang lagi sa'yo?" I snapped.

"Oo." nandilat ang mata ko. The ice that I placed on my chest cracked and the cage
that I had surrounded my heart-was destroyed. Tinitigan ko lang siya-hindi ko alam
kung anong isasagot ko. I just blinked at him. My first instinct is too run but it
seemed more smart to act like I was unaffected.

Damn it, bakit niya sakin sinabi yon? Bakit siya nag Oo? Oo, gusto niyang dumikit
lang ako sakanya? I mentally pulled my hair out, scolding at myself for even
considering his words. Umiling-iling nalang ako kay Sed at pagkatapos ay ibinaling
ang atensyon ko sa board. Kumuha narin ako ng papel para simulang gawin ang seat
work na ipinapapasa samin ng pakielamero at tamad kong professor.
Lumipas at natapos ang klase namin na yon na hindi na nag-usap.

Pagka-ring ng bell-ibinukas niya ang bibig niya na parang may sasabihin pa pero
isinara niya nalang ulit ito at pagkatapos ay umalis ng hindi nagsasalita. Buong
araw akong malungkot at walang ginawa kundi ang magbuntong hininga. Buong araw kong
pinilit ang sarili ko na wag isipin ang sinabi niya. Buong araw ko din kinumbinsi
ang sarili ko na wag siyang isipin. I tried to numb my own emotion down but I
couldn't.

I begged my heart to stop from rocking because it was starting to hurt me but it
just continued on shaking. It was hard to breathe that day. Pati ang mga araw na
hindi ko siya nakasama, mahirap huminga pero mas nahirapan ako ngayon. I'm starting
to doubt myself if I could still last. My throat started burning again.

I raised my hand at nakuha ko naman ang atensyon ng panghuling subject ko sa araw

na ito.

"Pupunta lang po akong clinic." I said.

"Are you not feeling well?"

"Pupunta po ba ako ng-" I remembered how Sed glared at me when I answered our
philosophy prof kaya mabilis kong isinara ang bibig ko.

"Opo. I think I need to rest." Tumango nalang yung babaeng prof ko ngayon.

"Just go home. Malapit naman ng mag dismissal." tumango ako at tahimik na nag thank
you. Nag-aalalang tiningnan ako ni Sasha.

"Okay ka lang Akibabes? Kaya ka pala matamlay buong araw."

"Uh-medyo. Text nalang kita pag okay na ako." tumango nalang si Sasha at mabilis
akong lumabas mula sa room na iyon. I massaged my head. It's too early for it. If I
give what I want, masasanay lang ako. I breathe in and out-easing myself before
starting to walk. I was starting to deal with it when I came across with Thomas De
Silva, the hottie bartender from the club.
"Hi Hedone, still wagering on that kiss." he winked at me and my flirty side was
immediately turned on.

"Why don't you come and get it then?" and that's when I finally lost all of my
self-control.

*******************************************
Rule #07

*******************************************

Eighteen
Rule #07

Chase made sure na tuloy ang guys' night out. He specifically invited Sed and made
sure that he'll be invited. Since my or should I say, our plan A-failed. We
formulated our genius plan B. Dapat nung una palang eto na ang ginawa namin. Bakit
ba kasi ngayon lang naisip ni Chase ang bagay na 'to? It is defeinitely less
complicated than pretending to like someone. It's a plan that was bound to fail.
Ni-hindi ko nga alam kung nagpapanggap pa ba ako o hindi. Kaya hindi ko narin alam
nung time na yon ang totoo sa hindi sa mga ginagawa ko minsan.

Madali lang naman ang plano ngayong gabi. Lasingin si Sed. Since the only way to
make a wise person do something to stupid is to make sure they're drunk-and that's
it. Problem's solved! No more bugs, no more uncertainty. Everything will go back to
where it should be.

The club is basically my stage. It's where I'm confident to move-to flaunt what God
gave me. It's an environment that I had learned to adopt on.

I wore my favorite denim black jeans and a see-through black sleeveless top. Hindi
ako nagpakita sakanila but I watched them from afar. Habang pinapanuod ko si Sed
napapansin ko na mukhang hindi siya nage-enjoy. One look at him and then I suddenly
felt like backing out from our plan.

I just don't think I could do it.

Kapag itinuloy ko 'to, hindi ko na siya puwedeng malapitan. I should be happy

because if that happens-my heart will be saved but why does the thought make me
sad? I don't want to stay away from him. Gusto ko siyang makasama. Bakit si Chase-
nakayanan ko naman? Oh who am I kidding. Because I know it's different with Sed.
Iba ang nararamdaman ko pag nasa malapit lang siya. Iba ang nararamdaman ko sa
tuwing nakikita ko siya. Something that I have never felt since I was sixteen.
Something that I stopped from feeling altogether. Because I knew it was stupid. I
knew it will do nothing good to me.

Naramdaman ko ang pagsikip ng dibdib ko. My heart was sinking again. Napakagat ako
sa labi ko. I got my phone from my pocket and then texted Chase to abort the plan.

im sorry, cant do it.

Binigyan ko ng huling tingin si Sed bago lumakad palabas ng club. Just as when I
was near the club's exit, I saw someone who fits the bill for my usual flavor. I
walked in front of the guy and pulled him for a torrid kiss.

"Car?" I asked. Nagulat yata yung lalaki sa ginawa ko sakanya. He tasted like both
cigarette and alcohol, it tasted terrible and yet my body shouts to pleasure him.

Dinala niya ako sa kotse niya, sa backseat to be exact. I pushed him inside and
sucked on his neck. He groaned and I can feel my blood pumping so hard from my
heart. Hindi ko na binalikan ang labi niya because he tasted really awful. Binuksan
ko agad ang zipper ng pantalon niya and let my own body take over me. I numbed down
my brain and stopped myself from thinking like I always do pag ginagawa ko ang
bagay na ito.

Huhubarin ko palang ang pantalon niya nang bigla siyang gumalaw para pagpalitin ang
pwesto naming dalawa. My eyes widened at how strong he was for a drunken guy.
Sinimulan niya akong halikan and pleasure vibrated from his body. It did a little
to me but it felt good. Bigla niyang tinanggal ang belt sa jeans ko at natauhan ako
bigla. I was running out of breath from the delay. This is the first time that I
was not in control. Shit. This is not good.

"Stop." I commanded but he didn't stop. He managed to unzip my zipper and I was
starting to panic. I was having double visions and the whole world is starting to
spin. May lindol ba? Nagkakaroon ng black out sa paningin ko. One second, didilim
ang lahat. Third, babalik sa dati pero malabo. Fifth, didilim ang lahat. It was on
repeat. Nagfocus lang ako sa paghinga ko dahil nahihirapan na akong huminga.
Breathe in, breathe out. Inhale, exhale.

I started to scream.

"No! Stop! No!" I yelled and tried kicking him away from me but I don't think
anything is even coming out of my mouth. I don't think I can even move. Daig ko pa
ang nakainom ng alak sa nangyayari sa akin. My whole body system is preparing for
shut down. I was trying to stop myself from falling unconscious pero nanghihina na
ako. No.

Nararamdaman ko ang pagtulo ng luha mula sa pisngi ko.

Darkness. Two figures. Darkness. Free. Darkness. Grunts. Darkness. An angel.

Darkness.

Someone's tapping my cheek. Darkness.

"Fuck, Akiko. Wake up. Akiko." naririnig kong sabi nung anghel at napangiti nalang
ako.

I'm too late.

"Akiko, breathe. Akiko. You're safe now. Just breathe." sinubukan kong gawin ang
inuutos ng anghel sa akin but my lungs won't cooperate and listen to what my brain
says. I was weakening every second until... until...

Everything just went dark.

It was dark, I can see that it was dark. I can hear my heart slowly weakening. I
can hear my blood flowing so calmly in my veins. I was on fire. I wan't to scream
because I'm on fire. Am I still alive?

Am I dead yet? Do I feel on fire because I'm already in hell?

My thoughts shut down and I can feel my throat smoldering as I wake up. I can smell
masculinity all over the bed. It didn't help with the craving that I was beginning
to experience. My desire was so intense that everything seemed different. It was
like my senses were heightened. Nahirapan akong imulat ang mga mata ko. It was all
blurred at first pero naaninag ko na ang kwarto. Hindi ako nagdalawang isip na
tumayo pero natumba ako agad. I was that weak. Hindi ko maramdaman ang sarili kong
paa pero sinubukan ko paring tumayo. I need someone. Now.

I followed the strong smell of masculinity nearby.

I just want want to stop the thirst. I want to quench it and get it over with. I've
never craved this hard. Hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari sakin kapag hindi ko pa
nagawa ito. I don't think I can survive for another minute without satisfying what
my body needs. I need a man's pleasure.

Sa bawat paghakbang ko, nararamdaman ko ang sarili kong lifeline na nababawasan.

The walking is wasting all of my left over energy. I'm surprised na may natira pa
ako. I could be dead by now. Magiging parang sleeping beauty ako-posibleng mamatay
ako at hindi magising na parang si snow white. Makakatulog ako at mawawalan ng
buhay unless someone kisses me and get pleasures from the kiss. But I doubt that
will happen. The first thing you'll do when you see a corpse is to send it to the
hospital, not to sexually harass it.

Hindi ko alam kung nasaan ako at wala akong paki. Lumabas ako sa isang malaking
kwarto at napunta ako sa isang hallway na walang katao-tao. Everything is so vivid
that I can see every single detail around me. Every dust that was floating on the
mid air.

It was so bright. Why is everything so bright?

Humakbang ako ng ilang beses paderetso. Trying to smell for something that's a
male. Lumapit ako sa isang pintuan ng kwarto na nakita ko at nagmamadaling binuksan
ang door knob. It wasn't locked which is a good thing. The yearning was replaced
with anticipation.

Biglang sumigla ang katawan ko nang may makita akong lalaki na walang ibang saplot
kundi isang tuwalya lang. Despite of being weak, I managed to smirk at the guy.
Napahawak siya agad sa tuwalya niya nang makita ako.

"S-Sino ka? Anong ginagawa mo dito?!" sigaw nito sa akin. Isinara ko ang pinto at
agad-agad na ini-lock ito. I looked like a predator looking at its prey. Well,
that's basically the right way to put it. I'm the predator and he's my prey. I
strode my way to him and pulled him for a kiss and the pleasure followed.

Naramdaman ko ang pagbalik ng lakas ko. The guy moaned and it was pure heaven to
me. Napangiti ako sa nararamdaman ko. My body is taking full control, not minding
my brain. I don't care if doing this disgusts me. It feels good. It never felt this
good to quench my desire before.

Nang matapos ay tumayo ako and let everything sink in. I closed my eyes, satisfied
of what happened. Nagbilang ako ng sampung segundo bago buksan ang mga mata ko.
Nagbalik na sa normal ang paningin ko at hindi narin ako nahihirapan huminga.
Nakahiga parin yung lalaki at mukhang hindi pa nakaka-recover mula sa ginawa ko
sakanya. Pinunasan ko ang labi ko bago umalis. Hinawakan ng lalaki ang braso ko at
mabilis kong tinanggal ito. I was snapped out from my trance.

"Wag mo akong hawakan."

'Wait-ganon nalang yon?" tanong nito sa akin. I mentally gritted my teeth.

"Thanks." ngumiti ako at matapos ay tumalikod sakanya. Naglakad ako palabas ng

kwarto, pagkabukas na pagkabukas ko ng pinto, naabutan ko si Sed na mukhang nagpa-
panic. Nakabukas ng malaki ang pinto niya at mukhang galing siya sa loob. Na-
realize ko na doon ako nanggaling kanina. Everything slowly came back to me. How I
planned to trick Sed with Chase's plan B. How I cancelled the whole thing. How I
pulled a certain guy. How I was dying to give gratification to someone-how that guy
tried to turn the tables and rape me. Naalala ko kung paano umikot ang paningin ko
kagabi. Naalala ko yung lalaking akala ko anghel na nagligtas sa akin. It was Sed?

"Akiko." tawag nito. Mukhang nabunutan siya ng tinik nang makita niya na ako. I
felt my heart beating in high speed. It wasn't normal for me to feel this. I was
drowning again. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko sakanya. He just saw me last night
in the verge of getting raped, pagkatapos niligtas niya ako at pinatuloy sa-what it
seemed like his room.

Nasan ba ako? I'm not exactly in his house. That's for sure. Naalala ko ang sinabi
ni Sasha tungkol sa dormitory ng kapatid niya.

Biglang bumukas ang pinto sa likuran ko at biglang lumabas yung lalaking

nakatuwalya. "Sandali-anong pangalan-" napahinto siya sa pagsasalita nang makita
niya na nasa harapan lang ako. Napatingin si Sed sa lalaking lumabas mula sa loob
ng kwarto na pinasukan ko kanina. He was staring at the guy for a long time. He's
probably drinking in the sight of the guy's almost naked state.

Sunod siyang tumingin sakin and I immediately know what he was thinking.

Sed's tantalizing gray eyes darkened into a full black-if that's even possible. I
saw how his jaw tightened. From confused, he changed his emotions into anger. I
licked my dry lips. Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko sakanya. Kung dapat ba
akong magpaliwanag-and because I'm a coward, mas pinili ko nalang lumakad paalis sa
lugar na yon earning me another outstanding record in my walk of shame.

And that same night-I later realized how I just broke my seventh rule.
*******************************************
Fall

*******************************************

Nineteen
Fall

I've never felt so lost in my life. I've never been this miserable. I've always
known how life sucked and I was sure that if God would offer me another life time-I
would've ask him to keep it and just let me stay by his side. No one who's sane
enough would want to be me. A slut, a whore, made for both destruction and
pleasure. I can love but I can't be loved without hurting them. And no one wants to
see their love ones get hurt-that's why I willingly deny myself from it.

What I don't know won't hurt me. But now? I already know. It already hurted me. And
I was right-it sucked.

Yesterday morning, I broke my seventh rule. I was never ashamed of myself. I don't
particularly love myself but I don't hate myself either. Despite my rubbish life, I
don't think I've ever wished so hard to have never been born. Nang makita ko si Sed
that morning-all I can ever think about is how I wanted the ground to open and
swallow me whole.

How I wanted to be like the dusts that I saw earlier, to just flow away in the
wind-away from him. I never thought I'd be any more wishful to be in hell. That I
even thought I'd be more thankful and happier down there. It hurts to see him
looking at me with nothing but disgust and ire. I know why it hurts. I've always
known from the start but I never paid attention to it because it doesn't matter. It
never mattered.

Just like what Sasha said the other day. It was like first day all over again.
Hindi ko akalain na babalik ang pakiramdam ng pinagtitinginan ulit. Hindi ko alam
na pagbubulungan ako ulit. For a reason I don't know. Maybe they heard about what
happened on Sed's dorm.

Maybe they heard about what happened last time when I send Thomas to zenith. There
are so many things that they probably heard that I'm not sure which is which
anymore. Pagkarating ko sa room-pinagtitinginan parin ako. But it wasn't the
friendly stares that they usually give. It was filled with verdict and revulsion.
Some were sympathy stares that pissed me more than the condemnatory stares. Katulad
ng lagi kong ginagawa, hindi ko nalang sila pinansin. I walked straight to the seat
beside Sasha's. Hindi nakangiti si Sasha nung lumapit ako. She was frowning-
disappointed about something. Sinubukan kong ngumiti sakanya. "Hey Sha, why the
long face?" prente akong umupo sa tabi niya at mas lalo siyang napasimangot.

"Totoo ba?" she asked. And the nasty looks were confirmed pero hindi ko alam kung
para saan. May nagawa nanaman ba akong hindi nila nagustuhan? Oh who am I kidding,
kailan ba sila may nagustuhan sa mga ginawa ko?

"Totoo ang alin?"

"A student saw you went out of a vacant room yesterday with-with De Silva. Totoo ba
yun?" so that's why they're all staring. Hindi ako nagulat dahil nalaman kong may
kumakalat na balita. Nagulat ako dahil iba ang balitang kumakalat sa inaasahan ko.
For a second, akala ko yung nangyari sa dorm ni Sed ang kumakalat. I felt suddenly
guilty for Sasha. She must be mad at me for doing that to her twin. I bit my lip
and sighed.

"Yes." she gasped.

"I thought you-you...Why?" she was upset of me pero mukhang hindi naman siya galit.
I felt even guiltier than I was a while ago.

"I'm sorry, I always knew it will never work out."

"Did my twin fucking brother hurt you?" she gritted her teeth at nandilat naman ang
mga mata ko.

"Hindi ka galit sakin?" I blinked in confusion.

"Bakit naman ako magagalit sa'yo? Ikaw ang nabusted diba?"

"I-no, hindi ako nabusted."

"Then why did you do that? Please explain something. I don't like concluding things
on my own."
"It's really complicated Sasha-I wish I could explain everything to you. You're
like-super close to being my girl bestfriend now but I can't... I still need time.
I'm sorry." tumayo ako at lumabas ng room. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta,
basta gusto ko lang maglakad palayo sa room na yon. Ang daming tumatakbo sa isipan
ko.

Bakit yun lang ang alam nila? Bakit hindi nila alam ang tungkol sa nangyari sa dorm
ni Sed? It was worse than what happened with me and De Silva. Bakit hindi rin nila
alam ang tungkol sa muntikan na pagka-devirginize ko? I doubt they'd even think I'm
a virgin though. With a reputation like mine-saying I'm a virgin is being too
generous.

Habang naglalakad ako, bigla akong napatid sa isang paa. I heard some girls
starting to laugh. "Slut." I heard them bantered. My jaw clenched and unclenched.

Remember the Rule #04 Akiko.

Pati yung Rule #08 Akiko.

I was not in the mood for this. I just want to go to a corner and sulk like what
normal people do.

"Kunwari pa na nililigawan si Sed. For all I know, ginagamit niya lang naman si Sed
para malinis ang napakadungis niyang pangalan." I heard the other girl say.

Ikinuyom ko ang kamao ko, praying to myself not to do anything stupid. Huminga ako
ng malalim, trying to calm myself down. One. Two. Three. Four-

"Tayo." I heard a recognizable voice. I know that emotionless voice anywhere.

Naramdaman ko ang pagpiga sa puso ko. I was hurting again. "Kayo. Alis." he
instructed with a harsh voice and the girls scampered away. Napangisi ako.

I know what he's doing. He's trying to be my knight in shining jersey again. He's
doing it again. Bumuntong hininga si Sed bago yumuko para kunin ang kamay ko. Hindi
ko siya tinitingnan pero nararamdaman ko na yun ang ginawa niya. Just as when he
was about to touch me, I shook his hand away and yelled. "Wag mo nga akong
hawakan!" I let myself look at him.
I witnessed how his jaw clamped. He was glowering at me and I was just glaring at
him. "Why? Do you prefer it more when other guys touch you?" he mocked.

It lashed my heart but I didn't let him notice it. Tumayo ako ng maayos ng walang
tulong niya. Nakita ko ang galit sa mga mata ni Sed. Naramdaman ko ang sarili ko na
nasasaktan sa simpleng pagtingin lang sakanya. I wanted to laugh at myself,
remembering how confident I was in winning this game. I knew someone's going to
lose. I just never thought that it would be me. "Please don't come near me again."

Nasasaktan ako.

Nasasaktan ako.

Nasasaktan ako.

Kahit ilang beses kong ulit-ulitin niyan, ganoon parin ang nararamdaman ko.
Nasasaktan ako. Hindi ako iiyak. Hindi ako pwedeng umiyak. Hindi ako magpapakita
sakanila na umiiyak. Gusto kong umiyak. Pero hindi pwede.

Simula ng araw na yon, hindi na ako nilapitan ni Sed katulad ng pangako niya. Hindi
na niya ako pinagtatanggol sa panahon na kailangan ko siya. Some students in this
university were nice enough to ignore me-pero meron talagang hindi makuntento sa
hanggang tingin lang.

Lagi kong kasama si Sasha at tuwing may vacant, si Chase. Never akong naiwan mag-
isa dahil lagi akong inihahatid ni Chase. Mas maaga ang pasok ko sakanya kaya maaga
siyang pumapasok para lang sa akin. He's the sweetest bestfriend I'd ever had that
I couldn't wish for more.

Unfortunately, pareho silang busy ngayon. And I know no one can save me but myself.
Not that I needed protection in the first place. Pumunta ako ng canteen mag-isa
dahil malakas ang loob ko. Pumunta ako ng canteen para patunayan na wala akong
pakialam sa sinasabi nila at wala akong kinakatakutan na kahit sino pang ponsyo
pilata sakanila.

Kung hahayaan mo kasi na tapak-tapakan ka lang ng ibang tao, masasanay na sila

iisipin nila pumapayag kang maging manmade doormat na ginawa para punasan ng paa.
Nakapila na ako para bumili ng isang bottled juice when I heard a girl sneering at
me.
"I didn't know na pwede pala ang mga slut dito. Nakakawala tuloy gana kumain,
umaalingasaw kasi yung kalandian." I smirked at the back of my mind. I'm done
playing nice. Humarap ako sakanya, faking a sneeze. Natalsikan pa nga ng laway yung
mukha niya kaya napasinghap naman siya.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Allergic kasi ako sa hayop." I emphasized the last word
and she scoffed.

"The guts! Bakit hindi mo nalang agawan ng boyfriend ang anak ng president dito?
Baka sakaling ma-kick out ka ulit." my eyes widened at her comeback. Pati ba naman
ang bagay na yon kumalat na?

Ngumisi yung babae nang makita niya ang reaksyon ko. "Attention, everyone? May I
have your attention please?" she cleared her throat and the whole canteen went
still.

"Alam niyo ba na itong si Akiko Hedone Zaragosa, top 20 sa NAT, full scholar since
highschool ay napatalsik sa dati niyang university dahil pinatulan niya ang
boyfriend ng anak ng may-ari ng university?" there were audible whispers buzzing
around the room. Napangiti naman lalo yung babae. "Apparently, she loves ruining
every relationship since her old bestfriend-Natalie Andrada and his ex boyfriend
Trent Navarro broke up because Natalie found her slutty ex bestfriend kissing the
life out of Trent when they were in second year college." doon ko na binigyan ang
pagkakataon ang sarili ko na magulat sa sinasabi niya. I was shocked because I
never thought they'd found out.

Matagal na yon-and I regret every waking moment. We were eighteen when Natalie
found Trent. I was so jealous of their relationship-alam kong imposible na para sa
akin ang bagay na yon pero hindi ko maiwasan ang magselos.

I dated a guy, exclusively. I denied myself and what my body is yearning for-then I
got really really sick. The only mistake that Natalie did that day is that he let
Trent visit me when she knows how I was suffering. She knows and yet hinayaan niya
parin pumunta si Trent.

Nakasunod agad siya, realizing her mistake. She stopped us in the middle of our
kiss making me weak but still thankful. Galit na galit sa akin si Natalie. She felt
like she was betrayed. I know how much Natalie wants to leave me there. Let me
weaken by my own cravings pero mabait si Natalie-despite of how much angry she was,
hindi niya ako pinabayaan.
She called Chase and told me how I needed him. That's how Chase found out.
Nakatulala lang ako, pinipigilan ang luha na nagbabadya. Nang matapos ko ang pag-
aalala sa nangyari sa nakaraan-mabilis akong tumalikod. Napahinto ako nang biglang
may humagis ng malambot na bagay sa likuran ko.

How original.

Hindi ko nalang ito pinansin at matapos ay tumakbo palabas ng canteen. Palayo sa

lugar na iyon. Dinala ako ng mga paa ko sa students' park. Dati naman, pag gusto
kong umiyak-sa sea side lang ako pupunta. Hindi ko alam ang pumasok sa utak ko at
dito ako dumeretso. Basta ang alam ko, gusto ko makita ang painting. Gusto ko
makita ang bagay na nagsimula ng lahat-lahat. Siguro para akong baliw na nakatayo
sa harapan ng pader.

Kitang-kita parin ang nakasulat dito. Isang line mula sa kanta ni Ed Sheeran na
kinanta ko para kay Sed nung isang beses na nagdate kami. If I fall for you, would
you fall too?

"Maybe." napatingin ako kay Sed sa biglaang pagsasalita na ginawa niya.

"What?" "Your question, my answer is maybe."

Biglaang bumuhos ng malakas ang ulan. Hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko kundi ang
mapangiti. I didn't make a move. Tumayo lang ako sa harapan ng pader at patuloy na
tinitigan ito.

"Could you please stop it?" he snarled.

"Sanay ka narin magplease!! Oh my gosh, you're improving."

"Fuck. Galit ka ba sa akin?" doon na ako napasimangot.

"Bakit nanaman ako magagalit sayo?"

"Okay naman tayo nung game. And then-you just...suddenly distanced yourself from
me." Sed was scowling. He's really talking to me in complete sentence. I can't help
but be amazed. I should ignore him more often!

"Ano gusto mong gawin ko? Dumikit lang lagi sa'yo?" I snapped.

"Oo."

Naramdaman kong tumulo ang luha ko. Naghalo ang lamig ng patak ng ulan sa init ng
luha na nanggagaling sa mga mata ko. I silently cried, still blankly staring at the
wall. I was afraid to remove my attention from the wall-like it would disappear
when I blink.

Biglang huminto ang pagtulo ng ulan. My tears stopped from rolling in my cheeks and
I looked up, expecting to see an endless dark blue sky but instead of seeing what I
expected to see-nakita ko ang isang pulang payong. Naalarma ang buong katawan ko at
agad akong tumalikod para makita kung sino ang nagpayong sakin. Parang nabasag ang
puso ko nang makita ko ulit siya. Tears continuously escaped my eyes. I just wish
he can't see it. I tried to keep my face impassive as possible to hide my grief.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?"

"I should ask you the same." he answered and I choked back the tears.

"I told you not to come near me again."

"Wala akong naalalang pumayag ako." sagot niya sa akin at mapaklang tumawa ako
sakanya.

"Nandito ka ba para laitin ako? Are you here because you want to hear the truth? Or
do you just want to humiliate me more? Sabagay. Katulad ka rin naman nila. Pare-
pareho lang kayo. You are all a bunch of hypocrites!"

"Aki." mahinang tawag nito sa pangalan ko pero hindi ako tumigil sa pagsasalita.

"Oo na. Gusto mo ba marinig? Oo! Totoo na nalipat ako sa university nito dahil
inakit ko yung boyfriend ng anak ng presidente ng university sa dating pinapasukan
ko! Oo! Totoo na nasira ko ang relasyon ng bestfriend ko at boyfriend niya dahil
hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko na halikan siya!! Oo! I'm nothing but a fucking
relationship wrecker. Oo din! Totoo ang nangyari tungkol sa amin ni Thomas. I gave
him a mindblowing blow job, or whatever the rumor was-totoo lahat ng yon. I'm a
slut, I'm a whore. Ayan! I told you everything! Totoo ang iniisip mo tungkol sa
akin nung una palang. Masaya ka na ba? Tama ka ulit! Lagi kang tama! Masaya ka na
ba ha?!" sigaw ko sakanya. I bit my lips, forcing the sobbing to subside. I don't
want him to see my weak side. I can't give him that power. I already gave him too
much.

"Paano ako sasaya kung alam kong nasasaktan ka?" Sed asked with a sullen voice and
I felt my chest constricting all over again.

"Why are you doing this to me?" my voice broke. I sounded so weak. "And remove the
goddamn umbrella for God's sake! I'm already soaked!" itinabig ko ang kamay niya at
nalaglag ang payong sa baba. And now, we're both drenched.

"Why are you suddenly acting like this Aki?" he asked. I bitterly smiled.

"Didn't you answer that question yourself before? I prefer it more when other guys
touch me."

"Aki." he gritted my name between his teeth. I was starting to feel restless.
Pagtumagal pa ito, baka hindi ko mapigilang ang sarili ko at mayakap ko siya. Ayaw
ko siyang yakapin. It will just show how I care for him, how I yearn for him in a
different way. And I'm not capable of yearning in a different way.

"Just please go away!!"

"No."

"Why not? I'm giving you the chance to save yourself. You can't love me. Hindi ka
pwedeng mahulog sakin Sed."

"Paano kung sabihin ko sayong nahulog na ako?" my heart stopped beating. "What if I
tell you that I can't save myself anymore? That I can't save myself because right
from the start-I already fell?" my eyes started to water with tears again. Hindi ko
na alam kung paano ako hihinga ngayon.

"Sasabihin ko sa'yo na hindi kita kayang saluhin. Sasabihin ko sa'yo na pigilang mo

habang maaga pa dahil wala kang maasahan sa akin. Sasabihin ko na wag kang umasa pa
kasi kahit kailan hindi kita-" my eyes widened when Sed leaned down and clashes his
lips to mine. Biglang huminto ang buong mundo ko. Tumigil ang pagpatak ng ulan at
wala akong ibang naramdaman kundi gaano ko kagusto ang nangyayari ngayon. It was
magical¬-different.

My lungs were slowly freezing, the pesky bugs started to crawl on my tummy, my
heart was sinking and I was already drowning and yet I didn't care.

For the first time since I felt all of those things-I didn't care. I embraced them
and it felt so good. Sed snaked his hands on my waist and pulled me closer,
slamming my body to his. Nakayuko siyang mabuti dahil mas matangkad siya sa akin.
He began moving his lips and my arms started to encircle around his nape. I buried
my hand on his wet hair, feeling every sensation undulating inside my body. I felt
his tongue inside my mouth and the pleasure intensified.

It snapped me out from my trance. Napabitaw agad ako kay Sed at mabilis na sinampal
ito.

"Ayaw na kitang makita pa."

*******************************************
Turning Tables

*******************************************

Twenty
Turning Tables

Akala ko back to square one na ako. After the event two days ago, I never thought
that the stupid ways really worked. It is as if our tables had been turned.
Kasalukuyan ako ngayong nakanganga. Actually, make that all of us-nakanganga habang
tinitingnan ang lalaking may malakas na loob na nakasuot ng isang itim na shirt
with a shirt that says: Owned by Akiko.

Katulad ng dati, blangko lang ang mukha niya pero wala akong paki dahil mas
pinagtuunan ko ng pansin ang black shirt na suot-suot niya. Why is he even wearing
civilian? Allowed ba yun? Kaya lang naman ako nakapagcivillian last time is because
I'm a new student and I still don't have any uniform.

"Nakikita mo ba ang nakikita ko?" tanong sa akin ni Sasha pero hindi ko inalis ang
tingin ko kay Sed.

"I don't know. You tell me." I answered. Biglang nalipat ang atensyon ni Sed sa
akin. My heart dropped when he mischievously smirked at me. He looked so ravishing
in the shirt-damn it.

"Oh. My. God." Sasha whispered habang naglalakad naman si Sed papunta sa
kinapepuwestuhan namin.

"Hi Brother!" masayang bati ni Sasha kay Sed pero hindi lang siya pinansin ng
kambal niya. Nakatingin parin siya sakin at hindi ko naman maiwasan maasiwa sa
tingin na ginagawa niya sakin.

Ano bang ginagawa niya? Didn't I say na ayaw ko na siyang makita? Baliktad ba
talaga ang utak ng mga tao?

"Mind if we switch places?" tsaka niya lang inilipat ang tingin sa kapatid niya.

"N-" sasagot si Sasha pero mabilis kong hinawakan ang kamay niya at nagsalita para
pigilan siya. "Yes, actually, I do mind."

"I'm not asking you." I gritted my teeth at kitang-kita sa gilid ng mata ko ang
malawak na pagngiti ni Sasha sa akin.

"I don't mind! Have fun bro!" mabilis pa sa ala cinco na tumayo si Sasha at kinuha
ang gamit niya para lumipat papuntang usual seat ni Sed. Until now, I still don't
know how she does that.

Walang isang salita na umupo si Sed sa tabi ko at napasimangot naman ako agad. I I
harrumphed like a child and I can almost imagine Sed grinning like hell in his
mind.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed.

"Sitting. I thought it was obvious." he ironically answered. I grunted. Great. Now

he's being sarcastic.

"Hindi ba sabi ko sa'yo ayaw na kitang makita?" Sed snorted. Eto yung time na
tumingin siya sa akin ng deretso sa mata and I swear I felt my heart dropped on the
floor.
"Aki, we have three subjects together three days a week. We study in the same
university. Now if you manage to not see me, inform me so I can change the
situation." napanganga lang ako sakanya. If I can comprehend English clearly,
sinasabi niya na pag nakahanap ako ng paraan na hindi siya makita-ipaalam ko
sakanya para mabago niya ang sitwasyon. Did I hear it right?

"Then can you at least ignore my existence?" I huffed.

"I don't see how's that possible when you're all I could think of." nag-umpisa
nanaman ang pagwawala ng puso ko sa loob ng dibdib ko at nandilat naman ang mga
mata ko. Fudge.

Be still. The voice inside my head repeated. That phrase has become my usual
mantra.

And it's all because of Sed.

Hindi ko nalang siya pinansin buong subject namin. It passed by so slowly. Halos
lahat ng ginagawa ng katabi ko, napapansin ko-in complete detail pa. It's so
annoying. Nung tumunog yung electric bell, halos gusto kong tumambling sa sobrang
saya pero itinago ko yon nang biglang kinuha ni Sed ang kamay ko. Nagulat pa nga
ako pero mabilis niyang ibinukas ang palad ko and placed something inside.
Tiningnan ko ang inilagay niya sa kamay ko nang bitawan niya ito.

"Para saan 'to?" may naka-tag na number sa isang piraso ng susi na ibinigay niya sa
akin.

"Locker."

"But I don't have a locker." he rolled his eyes at me.

"I know." and he left without answering my question.

Pagkatapos ng klase ko, nagdadalawang isip pa ako kung hahanapin ko itong locker na
pwedeng paggamitan ng susi na binigay sakin ni Sed. I'm sure naman na hindi sakanya
yon dahil tandang-tanda ko ang locker number niya dati. Meron pa nga akong susi nun
hanggang ngayon.
Napasimangot ako. Hindi ako makatiis kaya nagpaalam nalang agad ako kay Sasha at
sinabi na may kailangan pa akong puntahan. She waved her goodbye and even hugged me
bago umalis. Dumeretso ako sa locker na tinutukoy niya. Hindi naman mahirap hanapin
dahil magkakalapit lang ang pwesto ng mga lockers.

And there it is. 248.

Nagmamadali kong binuksan ang padlock para tingnan ang loob ng locker. My whole
body stilled at the object inside. A smile crept on my lips as I reached for the
small teddybear. It was a brown, black beret wearing teddybear. Meron din itong
suot na maliit na white apron with colors tainted on it. May napansin akong note na
naiwan sa loob ng bakanteng locker.

I miss the lips that made me smile

Nawala ang ngiti na nasa labi ko. I bit my lips. There were tears starting to form
in my eyes. I raised my head and stared blankly at the ceilings, quietly telling
myself not to cry. Hindi ako iiyak. Hindi ako iiyak. Wala akong dahilan para
umiyak. It's just a stupid note.

I stopped myself from from crumpling the small note in my hand. Nagbuntong hininga
ako bago isinilid ang papel sa bulsa ng palda ko at isinara ang locker, securing it
with the lock and leaving with the key kept inside my bag and the teddybear on my
hand.

Mamaya na ang painting competition. Maaga palang, pumunta na ako ng University.

Mamaya pa namang nine ang punta ko sa paggaganapan ng laban. I know I shouldn't
feel nervous but I am. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako kinakabahan pero basta-
kinakabahan talaga ako. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang pumasok sa isipan ko at dito
ako pumunta. I just want to stare at our wall before heading off. Kumakalma kasi
ang utak at puso ko pag tinititigan ko yon.

Huminga ako ng malalim at umiling-iling. I closed my eyes and started clearing my

mind, trying my best to draw it blank for the competition later. Napadilat agad ako
nang may biglang kung anong humawak sa tenga ko.

My eyes widened when I saw Sed sitting beside me. He's the one who touched my ear.
Hindi niya lang ito basta-basta hinawakan. May inilagay din siyang earphone sa left
ear ko. I was about to open my mouth and ask what he's doing at kung bakit
nakapikit pa siya pero hindi ko naituloy dahil nagsimula na ang pagtugtog ng kanta.
Four letter word
But I don't have the guts to say it
Smile 'til it hurts
Let's not make it complicated

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pinapatugtog niya pero pinakinggan ko lang ito. Hindi
nga ako makapaniwala na naririnig ko ang isa sa mga kanta na nasa playlist niya.
Last time I tried to ask if I can listen kasi, galit niya pang sinabi na ayaw niya.

I'll be your shelter

I'll be your storm
I'll make you shiver
I'll keep you warm
Whatever weather
Baby I'm yours
Be your forever, be your fling
Baby I will be your everything

My mouth dried as I listened to the song's lyrics when it reached the chorus. Para
sa akin ba ang message ng kantang ipinaparinig niya ngayon? Napatingin ako kay Sed
pero nakapikit naman siya. I stared at his face, letting myself enjoy the view.
He's wearing a white shirt that is drenched with sweat. Napansin ko rin ang suot
niyang jersey shorts at isang pares ng running shoes.

I was too drawn into his face that I didn't realize he was already holding my hand.
Nandilat ang mata ko at nagulat sa ginawa niyang paghawak sa kamay ko. Sinubukan ko
itong hilahin pero mas hinigpitan niya lang yung hawak.

Mabilis na dumilat si Sed at tumingin sa akin. My eyes were still widely staring at
him, still shocked at our touching hands. Simula nung pumasok siya ng suot-suot ang
isang black shirt with ownership inscription nung isang araw, lahat ng ginagawa
niya naging unpredictable-pero sabagay, lagi namang unpredictable si Sed. Kailan ko
pa nalaman ang mga iniisip at kinikilos niya?

At mukhang gusto niya ang gumagawa ng unpredictable things. Lalo na ngayon at bigla
siyang ngumiti sa akin.

He smiled. At me. My heart melted at the way his lips crept into an upside curve.
It was so beautiful that I want to lick the corner of his lips. He was staring at
me with raw feelings and admiration. It's making my heart hurt.

Inalis ulit ni Sed ang tingin niya sa akin pero hinayaan niyang magkadikit ang
palad naming dalawa. Mukhang gusto niyang tapusin ang buong kanta para iparinig sa
akin.
No matter what you do, yeah,
Oh, I'll be there for you
And every time you close your eyes
I will be by your side
'Cause every time you make me sing
Baby I will be your everything

I calmed my heart and commanded it to stay still pero mas lalo lang itong nagwala
sa loob ng rib cage ko. Sa bawat pagpigil na ginagawa ko, mas lumalakas lang ang
pagtibok nito. I'm starting to think that I have a heart deficiency. It was
hopeless. It's becoming unstoppable.

My heart is literally and undeniably beating for him.

And when he did the next unpredictable thing that no one can ever predict, I swear
my heart stopped from beating.

My eyes flew open. I didn't even realize that it was closed. Hindi na niya hawak
ang kamay ko, at wala narin ang isang earphone sa tenga ko pero may naririnig parin
akong musika na tumutugtog sa isipan ko.His lips were puckered and gently placed
just above my eyebrows. He kissed my forehead.

"Goodluck." I heard him murmur.

Huh? Goodluck for what?

Nung araw na yon, hindi ko napansin na inalis na niya ang labi niya sa noo ko.
Hindi ko napansin na iniwan niya na pala ako. Hindi ko napansin na wala na pala
siya. Hindi ko napansin ang paggaan ng dibdib ko at mas lalong hindi ko rin
napansin na nakuha na pala niya ang puso ko.

*******************************************
Breaking Rules

*******************************************

Twenty One
Breaking Rules
The month before last month, I broke my sixth rule by involving myself with someone
who's in a relationship. Breaking a rule that I have strictly followed for five
years really ticked me. It frustrated the shit out of me. Last month, I broke
another two rules. I've pleased Sed in a non-sexual way-making him my conquest and
pursued him which is against my fifth rule and had been unconciously ashamed of
myself when I went out of a random guy's room on Sed's dorm yet breaking my seventh
rule.

I've never been careless. I firmly obeyed the ten rules na ako rin mismo ang
gumawa. And here I am, breaking rules without blinking. I won the painting
competition without blinking too. It was an easy fight. Muntik na akong hindi
makapagpaint dahil sa bawat segundo na susubukan kong gumuhit, biglang pumapasok si
Sed sa isipan ko. I was so frustrated that I kept on trying to remove him from my
thoughts-I almost wanted to cry. Almost.

Hindi natuloy dahil naisip ko na instead of thinking of him as a liability, I can

just use him as my strength. And I just can't believe I won despite of painting my
entry three hours before the submission time. The president personally
congratulated me for winning first place. Despite of my triumph , marami parin ang
napapangiwi nang makita nila ako. It was awful to receive catty and judgmental
stares. I know I don't deserve any of them dahil wala naman akong ginawang masama
sa kahit na sino sakanila but they stared at me like I'm wearing the scarlet
letter. And despite of their hypercritical looks, nakuha ko paring iwasan sila.

Ignorance is bliss.

Magkaklase kami ngayon ni Sed for Building Design 1. I'd rather be somewhere place
else but I can't ignore the fact that the somewhere place that I want is by his
side. It's stupid. How I'm trying to deny my feelings towards him.

The last time I saw Sed was yesterday morning-before going to the painting
competition. I can still remember what happened that day. Nakaupo lang ako habang
tinititigan ang masterpiece na ginawa ko para sakanya when he suddenly appeared by
myside and placed an earphone on my left ear and let me listen to Boys Like Girls'
Be Your Everything.

I spent the whole night listening to that song hanggang sa makatulog ako but it
doesn't mean nakatulog ako agad. I had a hard time in going to my dream place
because my mind kept on replaying how Sed kissed me on my forehead.

It was just an innocent kiss, a sweet gesture-pero hindi parin siya maalis sa
isipan ko hanggang ngayon. I can still feel the warmth of Sed's lips on my
forehead. I almost thought of going French and decide not to take a bath for a week
pero almost lang naman yun. I realized na ayaw ko magkaroon ng body odor.
Baka ma-major turn off pa sa akin si Sed. I rolled my eyes at my own thoughts.

Nung dumating ako sa room, wala
nakaupo sa kinauupuan ng kambal
room dahil nakatingin lang siya
creased while looking for Sasha
not like Sasha to be late.
si Sasha sa loob. In fact, si Sedrick pa nga ang
niya. Hindi napansin ni Sed na nasa loob na ako ng
sa phone niya at nakikinig ng tugtog. My forehead
inside the room pero hindi ko siya nakita. It's so

Dinedma ko ang pagsayaw na ginagawa ng puso ko sa dibdib ko and breathe in before

walking towards my usual seat. Inilapag ko ang bag ko at napatingin naman agad sa
akin si Sed. The straight line on his lips was quickly replaced with a sweet smile.
Inalis niya ang earphone sa kabilang tenga niya. "You're here."

My stomach started twisting and turning. Be fucking still. I can almost visualize
my own heart rolling its eyes on me.

"Hey." I softly uttered before sitting down beside him. Tumingin ulit ako sa
paligid, checking if I just missed her. "Where's Sasha?"

Sed's smile faded and his usual poker face returned. He shrugged at me. "Not here
yet." hindi ko alam kung anong meron sa boses niya pero kinikilig ako kahit tipid
siya magsalita.

Yep. I'm doomed.

Sumimangot nalang ako at tinitigan ang pinto, waiting for Sasha to burst into the
room. Wala pang ilang segundo ay biglang may humawak nanaman sa kamay ko and I'm
very familiar with the texture and feeling of the skin lingering on mine. He's the
only one who could give me guilty pleasure with just an innocent gesture.

"W-What are you doing?" tumingin ako sa kamay namin dalawa and then back to his
face pero hindi niya ako sinagot. Nginitian niya lang ako. He used his other hand
to plug the other earphone on my ear. I didn't complain and let him do whatever he
wants to do.

Nagsimula na ang pagpluck ng gitara sa pinapakinggan namin and I was dreading to

hear the lyrics of the song that he personally picked.
 Share with me the blankets that you're wrapped in
Because it's cold outside, it's cold outside

My whole body stiffened at his choice of song.

Share with me the secrets that you kept in

Because it's cold inside, it's cold inside

He was obviously trying to send me a message. I let my arm work and pull my hand
from his grip pero mas hinigpitan niya lang ang hawak niya sa kamay ko. My chest
began constricting. He wants me to listen to what his song has to say. I stayed but
I didn't relax. I didn't let my guard down.

And your slow shaking finger tips show

that you're scared like me so
Let's pretend we're alone
And I know you may be scared
And I know we're unprepared
But I don't care

My eyes widened at how accurate the song was. I'm scared. And right now, I can feel
that we're both pretending to be alone-trapped in our own bubble. I'm scared. We're
both unprepared. I am unprepared but he doesn't care.

I continued listening as the guy started asking the girl to tell him what makes her
think she's invincible. My heart started clenching in the middle of my chest. Damn.

I was born to tell you I love you

My eyes completely widened. Hindi ko na hinintay ang susunod na lyrics. Mabilis

kong ikinalas ang kamay ko mula kay Sed at hinaltak ang earphone mula sa tenga ko.
I stood up, planning to bolt and leave him alone but he was fast enough to grasp on
my wrist kaya napaharap ako sakanya. I can hear my own heart beating so loudly in
my ears.

When I let myself properly see Sed, he looked flush at parang nagulat siya sa
biglang pagtayo ko.

"Let me go." I quietly mumbled and he was still staring at me with those appealing
gray eyes.

"Aki." he sang. His voice lingered on my ear, caressing my heart and making my mind
relax. His voice itself was a lullaby. And now, I'm curious as to what he sounds
like when he sings.

"Stay." Sed added.

Nakatingin lang siya sa akin at ganoon rin naman ako sakanya. He was calculating my
moves and I was thinking if staying with him is a good idea. Is it good to stay and
let myself crave for something that I can never have? Or cut everything before it
can even worsen?

In the end, I chose to sit back to his side and let him hold my hand, allowing us
to drift back to our very own bubble.

Sed left without a word after class which is fine with me. Ano ba naman kasi ang
masasabi ko sa kanya after niya hawakan ang kamay ko buong two hours? Thank you? He
held my hand for two straight hours, never letting go. Muntik na nga mamanhid ang
kamay ko sa higpit ng paghawak niya at kanina pa nagwawala ang puso ko, threatening
to come out-buti nalang at may trusty ribcage ako at napigilan ang masamang plano
ng bwisit na organ ko.

Lunch came pero hindi parin pumapasok si Sasha. I tried texting and calling her
pero hindi naman siya sumasagot. I sighed. Hindi na ako pumunta ng canteen dahil
hindi naman ako nagugutom. I was planning to head home after going to the bathroom
dahil masama ang pakiramdam ko. Paano ba naman kasing hindi sasama ang pakiramdam
ko e dalawang oras ba naman akong hawakan ng isang lalakeng nagngangalang Sed? God
knows how much I stopped myself from doing anything stupid and reckless that I know
I'll just regret.

I was about to open the door of the stall that I was in when I heard a bunch of
girls started talking. The really best place to hear the hottest news is always in
the girl's restroom.

"Nanalo daw si Akiko kahapon sa competition. Ang galing-galing niya." I smirked.

Ako ang topic. Marami na akong narinig na bulung-bulungan sa iba't ibang restroom
pero bihira ko lang naman matyempohan na ako ang pinag-uusapan. This must be my
lucky day!

"Nakita mo ba yung artwork niya sa student's park? Obvious na obvious naman. Sayang
nga yung talent eh. Easy girl masyado." my face turned sour. I'm so not an easy
girl, but that's beside the point. Anong kinalaman ng talent sa pagiging easy girl
ko?

A girl snorted. "She's very talented all right. Bukod sa talent ng panglalandi,
talent niya rin ang mang-agaw ng lalaki ng may lalaki."

"Yung kay Andrada ba?" tanong nung isa. My fist clenched into a ball at how easy
they talked about Natalie like they've known each other for years.
"Siguro kaya nakipagkaibigan si Sasha dun kay Akiko. Nanghihingi siguro ng landi
tips sakanya kaya binestfriend." my eyes widened at the mention of Sasha's name.

"Saan naman niya gagamitin yung landi tips?"

"Edi dun kay Gabe, yung bestfriend ng kambal niya. Nakita ko kaya sila kahapon.
Grabe kaya yung pagdikit ni Sasha kay Gabe, parang pusit kung makakapit. Nahawa ata
ng kalandian kay Zaragosa." tumawa pa yung nagsalita at nagkuyom ang bagang ko.

Ignore the bitches Aki. Ignore the bitches.

"They compliment each other. Parehong pok-" and that was it.

I normally ignore people who are badmouthing me. I don't usually pay attention to
any snide remarks but I just can't let this one go.

Okay na ako lang yung husgahan nila-but Sasha? She's innocent as a lamb. Wala
siyang ginawang masama at hindi niya deserve ang panlalait at panghuhusga na
ginagawa nila.

I was fuming in anger when I slammed the stall door hard which made the girls
shriek at my entrance. I have no patience to play with them. I don't really start a
fight, but when I do- I make sure that it'll be a fucking evil brilliant scheme.

"Sino huling nagsalita?" I gritted the question between my teeth.

"A-Aki." they all murmured in unison.

"Sino kako yung huling nagsalita!!" sumigaw ako sakanila and all of them cringed.

"S-siya." they pointed at a specific girl. She's one inch shorter than me, long
hair in a ponytail and a forehead that was inspired by an airplane's runway. From
how her skin glowed belo's touch and her proper posture-she's a spoiled brat. A
rich kid.
 Better. I mentally smirked.

"Ikaw ba?" tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. I can smell her fear pero tinaasan niya lang
ako ng noo. Tumingin ako sa mga babaeng kasama niya and tried to sound threatening
as possible.

"Labas." I commanded and they all scampered, leaving their friend behind. Some kind
of friends they are.

"You were the one who'd been tongue lashing Sasha?"

"Yes. So?" napangisi ako sakanya.

"Ah, wala naman. Gusto ka lang kamustahin ng palad ko." and that's when I slapped
her with my right hand.

"Gusto rin daw mag hello nung isa." and I slapped her with my other good hand.
Nanlaki ang mga mata ng babaeng sinampal ko, namumula rin ang magkabila niyang
pisngi at medyo bumakat ang kamay ko. Mukhang napalakas ata.

"I-I'll tell on you!" her voice broke. Mukhang gusto niyang umiyak. Namumula narin
kasi ang kilay niya.

"Honey, I'm a well known bitch. Do you think a bitch cares kung ma-suspend siya o
hindi? I've been kicked out from my old University and I hardly gave a fuck. What
makes you think your blabber mouth will make a difference?" her eyes began to glass
when I gave her a mischievous smirk.

"Y-You-" I raised my hand to stop her from talking at napatahimik naman siya agad.

"Kulang pa ang mag-asawang sampal sa panlalait na ginawa mo kay Sasha. Thank me for
even allowing you to live." I snorted.

"You bitch!" I just sweetly smiled at her and turned around to leave them.
 I counted to three in my mind, waiting for her to strike a blow and she
successfully did what I want her to do. She pulled my hair and I let myself fall
back para hindi ako masaktan. I faked a shriek, like I was hurt.

"Ang kapal talaga ng mukha mo!" she shouted and I was surprised when she sat on top
of my stomach and started pulling my hair.

I didn't fight with her, I just let me defend myself.

At dahil sa pagpapalag ng babae, nakalmot niya ang gilid ng pisngi ko. I winced in
pain dahil hindi ko inaasahan na magagalusan niya talaga ako. It wasn't part of the
plan but I guess it's better.

I cried. "Help! Help!" H

er eyes widened, she stopped moving. "Anong-"

"Tulungan niyo ako!" biglang may pumasok na dalawang babae sa loob ng banyo at
mabilis na hinatak palayo ang brat palayo sa akin. The other girl helped me stand
up. I started faking my tears as the brat stared at me in surprise.

"I'm going to tell on you! Nakita niyo siya diba? Nakita niyo ang ginagawa niya sa
akin!" I cried at the girls at mukhang gulat na gulat parin sila sa nasasaksihan
nila.

"W-What?" mukhang naguguluhan yung babae sa nangyayari and I bit my lips and turned
around to see myself in the mirror. I had two scratches on my face. Yung isa, nag
red mark lang pero yung isa mukhang magtatagal siya doon for a week. My hair is a
mess and my white uniform was dirty. I faked a gasp and looked back at the brat in
horror. Hanggang ngayon, wala parin siyang idea sa nangyayari.

"Look at what you've done to me! Please bring me to the clinic. Please don't let
her come close to me." I stared at the two girls with a pitiable expression and the
girl nodded.

"Sumama ka rin samin Miss, para mapaliwanag ng maayos sa clinic ang nangyari." the
brat's eyes widened.
"Hindi ako sasama-she's not-she started it first!! I just-"

"Please." I cut her off and pleaded to the girl beside me and she assisted me
towards the bathroom's exit. Kasunod namin si Brat na hanggang ngayon ay sumasatsat
parin na wala siyang ginagawa. I smirked at her when the other two girls weren't
looking. She gasped and I almost hugged myself for being a genius.

*******************************************
Sasha

*******************************************

Twenty-Two
Sasha

I got her suspended for a week. And I don't even know her name. I know she deserves
it though. She deserves it for talking shit about Sasha like she knows her but she
deserves it even more for scratching my face. Sabi ng nurse, four days sharp-
mawawala rin yung marks basta mag-apply lang ako ng ointment.

In the end, natuloy din ang plano kung umuwi. Hinayaan na kasi akong umuwi ng
nurse. She made me an excuse letter for our prof para ma-submit ko the next time na
um-attend ako ng class. Ayaw ko man at labag man sa loob ko, lumabas ako ng room
with a dirty uniform and a band aid covering the scratch that the brat gave me. The
brat cried when she was being issued a slip. She tried defending herself and
telling them na I started it pero wala siyang mapakitang ebidensya. Bukod kasi sa
sampal ko sakanya na faded na ngayon-wala na akong ginawa sakanyang iba.

I never start a fight, but when I do, I make sure it'll be worth it. I just broke
two of my rules in one day. I was getting worse at disciplining myself. May mas
mailalala pa ba sa mga binali ko? The answer scared me dahil alam kong meron. And
it's a whole new level of terrible. In fact-terrible is an understatement.

I was mindlessly walking through the hallways, not caring of their unwanted stares.
I cared too much a while ago. I've never cared that much in my whole life before. I
broke two of my rules because I was protecting someone. Because I was protecting
Sasha.

I have attached myself too much that I even broke my own damn rules for her. Damn
it. Wala naman masama makipagkaibigan. There's no harm in befriending Sasha-but
defending her and harming myself on process? That-that is a dangerous devotion to
our friendship. Sed is not the only one who shouts trouble. Yung kambal niya rin
pala. Saavedra twins. I rolled my eyes.
Nagulat ako-again, for like-the third time dahil for the third time, may humawak
ulit sa kamay ko. I gasped when electricity jolted in our palms pero hindi na ako
nabigyan ng opportunity na magreact dahil mabilis rin akong hinila ng may-ari ng
kamay na humihila sa akin. Hindi na kailangan tanungin kung sino ang humila sakin.
It's very obvious naman kung sino.

Sedrick.

"Bitawan mo ako Sed." I ordered pero hindi niya ako pinansin. Wala akong nagawa
kundi sumunod sa kung saan niya gusto pumunta. Dinala niya ako sa front entrance ng
building at nakita ko agad sa bungad ang kotse niya. He released my hand to open
the door for the shotgun's seat.

"Get in." he mumbled.

"Ayaw ko."

"Get in Aki." I frowned at him, crossing my arms.

"Ayaw ko nga sabi. Bakit naman kita susundin?"

"Susundin mo ako kung ayaw mo na ako pa ang magpasok sayo." my eyes widened at his
threat and his voice scared me kaya pumasok nalang ako agad sa loob. He closed the
door and walked to the other side para sumakay sa driver's seat.

"Seatbelt." paalala nito pero hindi na niya hinintay na masuot ko ang seatbelt para
patakbuhin ang kotse. Tahimik lang siya when he drove off at wala naman akong
gustong sabihin kaya hindi nalang rin ako nagsalita. Akala ko, aalis na kami ng
campus pero umikot lang siya at nagpark somewhere secluded. He turned off the
engine and leaned back on his seat. I heard him groan which left me to conclude
that he's probably frustrated.

"What happened Aki?" napatingin ako kay Sed na madilim ang mukha na nakatingin din
sa akin. So he heard about it. I grimaced at myself when I even thought I was
afraid I disappointed him.
"So you brought me here para pagalitan? You're not my father, Sed. And for your
information I-"

"Are you hurt?" yan ang tinanong niya when he cut me from my speech. My mouth was
still open and I was just staring at him, staring at me. My fury started to fade
kaya napatikom ko narin ang bibig ko. Umiwas ako ng tingin kay Sed before answering
his question.

"I'm fine." I gasped when Sed held my chin. Napatingin ako sakanya and I was taken
aback at how close our face were. Nakatingin ako sakanya pero nakatingin siya sa
kalmot kong may band aid at isang kalmot na walang band aid. He traced the other
scratch with his finger and I swear I shivered when his fingertips lingered on my
scratch. I don't like seeing him care for me like that. It was bothering me. It was
making me feel things that I shouldn't feel. That I don't allow myself to feel.

"It's just a scratch." he frowned even more. Iniwas ko ang mukha ko sa kamay niya
so he could stop touching my face. "I was the one who started it." He leaned back
to his seat and he just hummed. I want him to scold me just like the last time-I
want him to be disgusted pero wala akong nakuhang kahit anong reaksyon mula sa
kanya. His silence actually frustrated me. It's pushing me to explain myself kahit
alam ko naman na hindi ko kailangan magpaliwanag sakanya. I mentally growned
because Sed is really messing with my brain.

"I was at the restroom okay? I heard them talking shit about me pero wala naman ako
balak pansinin dahil sanay na ako. But then they mentioned Sasha and it pissed me
hearing them call her names that they usually call me. I just hate the fact that
they think they could name Sasha things just because she befriended me. She's
innocent and she doesn't deserve being judged like that. Hindi ko napigilan ang
sarili ko, okay na ba? You're really good at getting informations from me and you
hardly even asked it from me." I rolled my eyes, scolding myself as soon as I
finished my speech. Bakit ko ba sinabi sakanya yung totoo? I'm such an idiot.

"You don't need to defend Sasha, Aki."

"Of course I do. It's my fault why they're saying bull craps about her anyway."

"And get your hurt in process."

"Worth it. I got her suspended in process." a smirk tickled my lips and I almost
wanted to let out an evil laugh pero pinigilan ko nalang ang sarili ko. Sed sighed
kaya napabalik ang tingin ko sakanya.
"Why? Does it bother you that I'm a scheming bitch?" dark ring on his eyes were
forming as he spat out venom at me.

"You're not a bitch. And she deserves it anyway. I would've been proud of you if
you didn't harm yourself in process." napatanggal ang ngisi sa mukha ko sa mga
sinabi niya. Gumalaw nanaman ang mga insekto sa tiyan ko. Damn it. Kailan ba sila
mapapagod sa paggalaw nila sa loob? I cleared my throat.

"May plano ka bang ihatid ako? O dito lang tayo sa kotse mo? I want to go home and
sleep na kasi." Hindi na nagsalita pa si Sed. He started the engine and drove off
immediately. Hindi ko na kinailangan sabihin sa kanya kung saan ako nakatira.
Surprisingly, alam niya kung saan ang bahay namin. Until now, I'm still weighing if
I should feel terrified o kung dapat ba akong kiligin dahil alam niya kung saan ako
nakatira. My parents asked kung saan ko nakuha yung kalmot sa mukha ko and I told
them that I accidentally scratched myself which is likely kaya hindi na nila
inungkat pa.

Later that night, sinubukan kong tawagan si Sasha dahil hindi parin siya
nagpaparamdam pero hindi naman niya sinasagot kaya I just left her a text message.

Hi Sha, bkit ka absent? R u dead? Miss u girl.

Three days ng hindi pumapasok si Sasha. I was beginning to think na may problema.
Hindi ko naman matanong si Sed dahil hindi kami nagkita for three days. May same
class kami mamaya pero panigurado na sasabihin lang nun hindi niya alam kaya nga
hindi ko narin siya tinawagan o kaya tinext. Nag-aalala na kasi ako. Narinig na
niya kaya yung mga balitang kumakalat tungkol sakanya? Baka nagkasakit lang kaya
hindi siya pumapasok.

Pero kung may sakit siya, dapat sinagot man lang niya ang isa sa mga texts ko.
Akala ko nga may problema phone ko pero nakakatanggap parin naman ako ng texts ng
iba. I was hoping na nasa room na si Sasha pagpasok ko pero I was just
disappointed.

Vacant parin yung upuan sa tabi ko at wala ring nakaupo sa upuan ni Sed. I sighed
and then just walked to my usual seat. It's just not like Sasha na hindi
magparamdam. May problema kaya siya? I'm really getting worried. Feeling ko may
masamang nangyari at napakawala kong kwentang kaibigan dahil wala akong kaalam-alam
kung meron nga o wala.
"Hm." I heard someone hum. I didn't realize na may nakaupo na pala sa kaninang
bakanteng upuan. It was, of cours, no other than Sed. Sino ba naman uupo diyan
bukod kay Sasha diba?

"Where is your twin Sed? I'm really worried." Sed sighed.

"Sasha is..." hindi na natuloy ang sinabi ni Sed. Hindi ko alam kung dahil hindi
natuloy o hindi ko lang narinig. Biglang iniluwa ng pinto si Sasha and there she
is, still in once piece.

"Sasha!" I called her name. It sounded too enthusiastic for my own voice. I was
waiting for her to squeal or shriek my name back pero tiningnan niya lang ako at
matapos ay dumeretso sa ibang bakanteng upuan na malayo sa kinape-pwestuhan ko. My
smile dropped and I felt something banging in my chest.

"Ignore her." I heard Sed's low voice. Mabilis akong tumingin sakanya at binigyan
siya ng masamang tingin. Naramdaman ko ang pangingilid ng luha sa mata ko. Hindi ko
alam kung bakit gusto kong umiyak. Fuck. Tumayo ako, nagbabalak na umalis bago ako
maiyak sa di malamang dahilan. Naramdaman ko na balak hakawan ni Sed ang braso ko
and I was able to stop him before he can even touch me.

"Don't." he stared at me with a worry etched in his face. I shook my head and
smiled.

"Sit down Aki."

"Kakausapin ko lang si Sasha."

"Later." hindi ko siya pinansin at mabilis na lumapit sa pwesto ni Sasha. I tried

my best to smile kahit hindi naman ako palangiti. I just don't like the feeling of
being ignored by her.

"Sha," tawag ko sakanya. Hindi siya agad tumingin siya sa akin. Pero nung tumingin
siya, hindi ko nagustuhan ang way ng pagtingin niya. It was like she's undressing
me from top to bottom. And I've seen that stare before. It was the same disgusted
look. Not the usual one but it's very familiar.

"Wag mo akong kausapin." mahina nitong sabi at nagulat ako sa tono ng boses niya na
kahit kailan, hindi ko narinig mula sa kanya.
"Galit ka ba sa akin, Sha?" she let out an amused and bitter laugh.

"So now you're playing the innocent card?" my eyes widened. I don't know what she's
talking about.

"Sasha." narinig kong sabi ni Sed mula sa kinauupuan namin kanina. Napatingin ako
sa ibang tao sa room at nakatingin sila sa aming dalawa ni Sasha. Sasha scoffed.

"Unbelievable." umiling-iling siya at matapos ay tumayo nalang. Tinaasan niya ako

ng kilay. Tiningnan niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa. Her stare was filled with
revulsion that it shocked me. Sasha never gave me that look before. Umalis na si
Sasha-binunggo niya pa ang braso ko at hanggang ngayon, gulat parin ako. Hindi ko
parin alam ang nangyayari. And then it dawned me. Her reaction. The reason why she
haven't been around for a while... I gasped. Alam na niya? She knows about it?
Pero-paano niya nalaman?

"Aki." I jumped when someone touched my shoulder. I didn't recognize his touch
dahil sa malalim ang iniisip ko. I pushed his hand off me and when I looked at him,
he's still looking at me with nothing but concern. Hindi ko nalang pinansin si Sed.
Mabilis akong lumakad papalabas ng room para sundan si Sasha. Natatakot ako dahil
baka alam na niya. Pero paano naman niya malalaman?

"Sasha!" nakita ko si Sasha sa di kalayuan kaya hinawakan ko ang pulso niya but I
was shocked at what she did next. My eyes widened as I felt a sting on my cheek.
She slapped me.

*******************************************
History Repeats Itself

*******************************************

Twenty-Three
History Repeats Itself

Sasha slapped me and it fucking hurts. I straightened my head and looked at her.
Nakita ko ang pamumula ng mukha niya. She was breathing ragged like she'd ran for a
hundred miles. Nakita ko rin ang pagluluha sa mga mata niya.

She's mad.
I've never seen her mad like this before. At mas lalong hindi siya nagalit sa akin
dati. Wala naman kasing dahilan para magalit siya sa akin before. I don't think I
remember doing anything against her. Other than making her twin a conquest-wala na.
And then the realization dawned me again.

Alam na niya.

Yun lang ang naisip kong dahilan kung bakit siya galit sa akin. She knows, that's
why she's mad at me. Pero paano naman niya malalaman? Bukod kay Chase, wala ng iba
ang may alam tungkol sa bagay na iyon and I doubt na sasabihin ni Chase ang isang
sikreto na hindi naman sakanya para ibunyag.

And Natalie. Natalie knows. But Natalie is not here anymore. Matagal na siyang nasa
States. And she may hate me to the bones, hindi siya yung tipo na gumaganti at
ginagamit ang kahinaan ng kaibigan niya laban sakanila.

Then how did she know? Is that even the reason why she's furious at me right now?

"Stay the hell away from me!" she screamed at me.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at napatingin sa paligid. Fortunately, walang tao sa

corridor. Malayo-layo narin kami mula sa room na pinanggalingan namin.

"M-may kasalanan ba ako?" she scoffed.

"I told you that I like him!" napakunot ang noo ko. So hindi niya alam? Pero
naguguluhan ako. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sinasabi niya. And I don't know where
this is coming from.

"What?" tears started falling from her eyes.

"I told you like him Akiko. Or should I start calling you Hedone as well?" my
forehead creased, still confused of whatever she's talking about. Sino ba ang gusto
niya? "Kinaibigan kita Akiko. I trusted you and within a short amount of time, I
loved you like a sister that I never had. And yet-you managed to betray me.
Kasalanan ko naman eh. From the beginning, nilinis mo na ang mga kamay mo sa akin
at sinabi mo na walang side B. Hindi lang ako naniwala. Kasi akala ko-inosente ka.
Akala ko-hindi totoo ang sinasabi nila." she continuously cried and I just watched
her talk, still processing everything.

"I like him Akiko." and then something flashed inside my mind. A memory that I can
never ever forget. A memory that will forever be in my mind-trapped in my mind
filled with regrets.

"Nat, trust me when I say I didn't mean it. It was never my intention-it was a
very close call and my mind wasn't working properly. You know how it is. I-"

"Yun na nga Aki eh! Yun na ang masakit! Wala kang kasalanan. Kaya galit na galit
ako sa'yo kasi wala kang kasalanan pero gustong-gusto kitang sisihin. Gusto kitang
sisihin when I should be the one to blame! It's all my fault, kaya mas masakit!
Kasalanan ko dahil pinapunta ko si Trent-it's all my fault."

"It's not your fault Nat. Ako ang may kasalanan. If it wasn't for my stupid-"

"I like him Akiko." she cut me off.

"And he likes you back. He loves you. Natalie, he adores you!"

"No. If he really liked me, he would have pushed you away. But he didn't Aki. Yun
rin yung isa pang masakit eh. Hindi ka niya tinulak." I stared at Natalie.

I want to explain everything to her, but I just can't exploit myself like that. I
told her the main thing, but not the extra details. It's not something that I'm
proud of anyway.

"I'm sorry Natalie." I cried and left before I could even say anything else that
could make me even more vulnerable.

I was speechless when the real answer flashed between my eyes. Naalala ko yung
tingin sa akin kanina ni Sasha. Naalala ko kung paano niya ako tingnan mula ulo
hanggang paa. It wasn't any ordinary stares that I received from people who doesn't
know me.
I've seen that same stare from Natalie.

And that was the answer. My body began to shake as I dawned at the thought of
history repeating itself. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko sakanya. Hindi ko
alam kung anong gagawin ko.

"W-Who is he?" I quietly asked and Sasha shrieked and started hitting my arms. Her
every blow hurts pero mas nasasaktan ako dahil naulit nanaman-naulit nanaman ang
nangyari dati. The reason why I made the stupid rules. The whole reason why I
started limiting myself.

"I like Gabe! Damn you! I told you I like him! Sinabi ko pa sa'yo na ipapakila
kita! How can you do this to me Akiko? Why?!" she cried out loud and I did my best
to remember the guy.

"Pero totoo ba yung tungkol kay Chase? Hindi ako naniniwala sa currently fucking
part, pero totoo ba na you know him?" I suspiciously eyed her.

"Why? Do you like him?" biglang nandilat ang mga mata ni Sasha sa akin.

"Hindi no! May gusto ako sa ka-floor ni Sedrick sa dormitory building." she
blushed and I grinned.

"Name?" "Gabe Torres. Best friend ni Sedrick. Ipapakilala kita one time." I just
nodded.

And then I remembered the time when I woke up with a burning throat and the need
echoing in my mind.

"S-Sino ka? Anong ginagawa mo dito?!" sigaw nito sa akin. Isinara ko ang pinto at
agad-agad na ini-lock ito. I looked like a predator looking at its prey. Well,
that's basically the right way to put it. I'm the predator and he's my prey. I
strode my way to him and pulled him for a kiss and the pleasure followed.

I gasped.

Sasha stopped from hitting my arms but she was still crying at me. "You even tried
to woo my brother. You said you were interested in him-but how can you say that and
still do that to Gabe. I thought you liked my brother." she sobbed the words to me
and I was seeing through her.

Nakatulala lang ako sa bagay na napagtanto ko. I did it again. And worse, sa
bestfriend pa ni Sed. Kaya pala ganon nalang ang tingin niya sa akin nung araw na
yon.

But-if that's the case, then why is he still pursuing me now? Why is he acting like
he likes me? Why did he played that song for me?

"I like Sed." I whispered.

"Don't say that." she growled.

"I lo-"

"Stop lying! Just stop pretending you bitch!" I flinched but that didn't stop me
from saying it again.

"I love him." and that's the time when Sasha finally bolted and pulled my hair with
her two capable hands.

"Stay away from my brother! You slut!" she continuously pulled my hair and I let
her hurt me. I was at my lowest that I don't have it in me to even protect myself
and counter her hits. And I just simply can't hurt her. I deserve this. Eto yung
matagal kong hinihiling na sana ginawa sa akin ni Natalie that day. I wanted her to
shout at me-call me names and hurt me pero hindi niya ginawa. Because she despite
of what I did to her, she believes that it is not my fault.

"Stay. Away. From. My. Brother." she continued hitting me, pulling my hair and I
still didn't care. I just stood there, emotionless-I managed not to cry. I just
numbed down everything in me except feeling every pain from Sasha's constant
attacks.

"Sasha!" I heard someone shout, and within split second-natigil narin ang sakit na
nararamdaman ko. I stopped feeling. I don't even know if I'm still alive because I
feel so empty. Like there's nothing inside me at all.
I felt Sasha as she tried to push her way back to me para saktan ulit ako pero
hinarangan siya ni Sed. I know it's Sed. Hindi man ako nakatingin sakania dahil
nakatulala parin ako, nararamdaman ko ang ginagawa nila.

"Sasha. Stop it." I heard Sed grit his teeth.

"No!" she screamed again and I still didn't move.

"Sasha." narinig ko ulit si Sed and that's when Sasha stopped from moving. Natapos
na ang pagwawala niya but she started crying again.

Every sob sends a pang to my chest-and all of the sudden, I want her to hit me
again. I felt much number with her hitting me kaysa sa ganitong naririnig ko siyang
umiiyak.

"Congrats! You managed to let Sed fall for you! Best wishes Akiko and I hope you
rot in hell." she walked out. Naiwan akong nakatayo na parang tuod at nararamdaman
ko na nandito pa rin si Sed.

I started blinking which means I'm snapping off my trance. I deeply breathed in and
turned my body to walk away from him. Just as I was about to take a step, hinawakan
niya ang braso ko to stop me.

"Akiko." I love it when he says my name.

Mabilis akong humarap sakanya at ngumisi.

"What?"

"You're hurt."

"Doesn't hurt."
"Inside?" I shook my head.

"It's empty."

Tumalikod ulit ako at aalis na sana pero tinawag niya ulit ang pangalan ko. I
sighed before facing him again.

"What?"

"Vulnerable." I furrowed my eyebrow, puzzled at his answer but I remembered the

song that he played to me last time. I flashed a sad smile at him and shook my
head.

"I can't. Sorry."

*******************************************
Ruined

*******************************************

Chapter Twenty-Four
Ruined

Chase was waiting for me in the car park. I called him immediately just as I have
walked away from Sed. Tulala akong lumakad mula sa building namin papuntang car
park na hindi naman kalayuan but it still felt that way. Nakita ko agad si Chase na
nakasandal sa sasakyan niya at namumutla akong lumapit sakanya.

Worry etched his face when I approached him. Alam niya kasing hindi ako tatawag at
ide-demand na makita siya ngayon din kung walang problema. At sa boses palang nung
tinawag ko siya, alam kong naramdaman niya na may nangyari. I encircled my arms
around his nape and tiptoed to burry my face on his neck.

"I didn't know. I swear I didn't know." I mumbled with zero emotion surfacing my
chest. I was still feeling numb. It was so numb that it hurts.

"Shh. I know you don't."

"I was at my lowest self. I wasn't thinking clearly again. I didn't know it was
him. Chase-I swear I really didn't know."

"You didn't know Aki. It's not your fault. It's not your fault." Chase soothed me,
caressing my back as he comforted me with his words. I wanted to cry pero wala
paring lumalabas na luha mula sa mga mata ko. I'm still numb.

"Sasha-she hates me." my eyes widened at my own conclusion. "Sed saw how I came
from his bestfriend's room. He saw. And yet-I don't get it Chase. He knew what I
did. Why did he act like nothing happened?"

"Shh." Chase hushed me and I closed my eyes and breathe in and out. I allowed my
mind to freeze my thoughts for a moment.

There will always be that certain time when you want everything stop for a second,
a minute, or maybe an hour just to breathe. Facing problems in life is unavoidable,
that's why you need to breathe. Breathing is just a simple inhaling ang exhaling
process but it's what keeps you alive. Because despite of all you've been through,
you will still have the ability to breathe.

Breathing is a choice. You can either breathe or not breathe. It's a simple course
of action but I can't say the same with the consequences.

And there will always be a certain time when you want to stop breathing.

"Why can't I be just like you? I don't want to do this anymore Chase." I said with
an empty sob.

"Akiko, you're not a quitter. You're just bummed, but the Akiko Hedone Zaragosa
that I know doesn't quit."

"I'm not allowed to give up?"

"Strong people like you are not allowed to give up. Kung sumuko ang mga matatag na
tao, paano nalang ang mahihina? A strong person like you keeps the weak one on
their toes."
I shook my head. "Ano bang ginawa kong mali?"

"Her birth alone was a mistake."

I cringed at the echo of the harsh voice in my head. The voices doesn't usually
bother my mind, naririnig ko lang yung mga boses na yon kapag nakakalimutan ko kung
paano nangyari sakin ang lahat ng mga nangyayari ngayon.

Chase pushed me off him and cupped my cheeks. "Stop thinking Aki. You didn't do
anything wrong. Nothing. Okay?"

Iniling-iling ko ang ulo ko. "Just please take me home."

My life is officially a wreck. As soon as I came home, nilampasan ko si Mams at

nagkulong sa kwarto. I locked my door para malaman nila na ayaw kong makipag-usap.
They have always respected my privacy. Hindi nila ako tinatanong tungkol sa kahit
anong bagay unless ako ang mag open up sakanila. I feel guilty for hiding things
from them-after they've sheltered me, fed me, cared and love me like their own
daughter, nakuha ko pang maglihim sakanila. But with a reason.

I just don't want them to be worried about me-or maybe I just don't want them to be
disgusted of me at mag-iba ang tingin nila sa akin. Masakit ang mahusgahan ng mga
taong hindi naman ako kilala pero mas masakit ata mahusgahan ng mga taong napamahal
na sa'yo at tinuring mong tunay mong pamilya.

Hindi ako nakabangon sa kama after locking myself in my room. Sinubukan akong
katukin ni Mams but I wasn't in the mood for school. It was a total déjà vu. This
happened before-with my bestfriend. The only person who could understand me. The
person that I trusted my whole life. She trusted me too and I unintentionally
betrayed her. I wish I could return to that moment and undid everything that I have
done.

Kung-kung na-control ko lang ang sarili ko nung gabing yon, hindi sana nasaktan si
Natalie. If it wasn't for me, Natalie would have a reason to stay. Thing would have
been different kung hindi umalis si Natalie. Kung hindi ko hinalikan si Trent nung
gabing yon. But I can't do anything about it now. Wala na akong ibang pwedeng gawin
kundi ang pagsisihan ang nakaraan and wish that it never happened.

I sighed, staring at my own reflection in the mirror. Pagkatapos kong gumayak at

magbihis into my favorite jeans and a sleeveless lace trim beige warm skintone
colored tunic. I wore my trusty fuck me stiletto shoes and left with the brown
shoulder bag that I usually bring during night outs.

Balak kong lumabas ng bahay ng hindi pinapansin ang kahit na sino. I usually go out
like that, dahil ayaw kong ipaalam sakanila ang lakad ko. Just as I was about to
reach the door, biglang tinawag ni Dads ang pangalan ko. Tumalikod ako agad, hindi
alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko sa kanya.

"Saan ka pupunta Akiko?" my Dad asked and my stomach turned. I was thinking if I
should tell him where I'm really headed to or if I should lie just like I always
do. I was surprised when my own mouth made the decision for me.

"Lalabas lang po kami ni Chase."

"Hindi ka man lang magpapaalam samin ng Mams mo?" hindi ako sumagot sa kanya at
napabuntong hininga nalang si Dads.

"Hindi ka daw pumasok?" he asked.

Umiling-iling ako. "Wala naman pong gagawin ngayong araw."

Dads sighed and I felt guilty for the troubled look on his face. Mukha siyang
nahihirapan kung paano ako kakausapin, he looked like he wanted to talk to me about
something and I chose to save him the trouble from the talk.

"Aalis na po ako Dads. Kanina pa po naghihintay si Chase."

I stayed out of school for about a week. At para hindi ako tanungin nila Mams at
Dads, umaalis parin ako ng bahay ng naka-uniform pero pumupunta lang ako ng Mall of
Asia para magpalamig. Minsan tumatambay din ako sa seaside para lang magpalipas
oras hanggang sa mag-uwian na at makauwi na ako sa bahay just to lock myself in the
room again.

Ganoon din ang ginawa ko dati nung nangyari ang bagay na yon. Ang pinagkaiba lang,
hindi lang isang linggo ang inabot ko. The school even called my parents para
tanungin kung anong nangyari sa akin at ano ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ako
pumapasok, sinubukan akong tanungin nila Mams kung may problema ba pero umiling
lang ako sakanila and I promised them na papasok na ulit ako. Pagkatapos ko
pumasok, I recited as often as possible and perfected my quizzes, assignments, and
even exams para lang makabawi sa ilang linggo na pagiging absent ko.

When Natalie left, that's the time when I decided to set some rules and make some
boundaries para makasiguradong hindi na maulit ang mga nangyari noon. And it worked
perfectly these past few years.

Until I started breaking my own rules one by one.

At dahil wala naman ako gaanong kaibigan, si Chase lang ang nagtatanong kung
kamusta ako at kung kailan ako papasok. Sinabi ko naman sakanya na papasok na ako
ngayong araw kaya hindi niya na ako kinukulit. And... Sed. Well, Sed is not much of
a texter-yung mga text niya, blank messages lang. Until-well, until last night's
message came.

I was in my room, busying myself by staring at the ceiling when my phone pinged. I
was betting my life na si Chase ulit ang nagtext but an inner gut told me to check
it out so I grabbed my phone and my world turned upside down when it came from Sed.

I miss you.

When I read his text-I realized how I miss him too. But that's not the reason why
I'm going to stop ditching my classes again. I finished conditioning myself and I
concluded that I'm okay again. Akiko Hedone doesn't sulk. Akiko Hedone is a badass
who doesn't give up just because life threw lemons at her way.

And because it's the return of the comeback, I decided to curl my hair and apply
some make up. Pangdagdag confidence lang because it might sound weird for someone
like me to say it but it feels like first day of highschool all over again. I
leaned my head to the right, checking myself out in the mirror.

"Akiko! Nandito na si Chase!" Mams shouted downstairs and I smiled to myself.

Kinuha ko ang rayban shades sa desk ko and winked at myself in the mirror before
wearing it.

Chase volunteered to give me a ride. He smiled at me when I went downstairs pero

may iba sa pagngiti niya sa akin. Para siyang may itinatago. I don't like his
vibes. Hindi siya nagsalita nang makapasok kami sa loob ng kotse niya. Binuksan
niya lang yung radio and turned the volume high.

I don't feel like roleplaying a detective and asking him questions kaya hinayaan ko
nalang siya.
Nang makarating kami sa car park, I received knowing stares. Siguro akala nila
nagdrop na ako or whatever. Chase opened the car for me and slid his arms on my
back which comforted me. I don't mind walking alone pero iba parin ang feeling ng
merong sasapo sa likod mo kapag pakiramdam mong tutumba ka na. And Chase has always
been there in my every fall backs.

Hinatid ako ni Chase mula car park hanggang sa building. Tinanong niya ako kung
kaya ko daw ba mag-isa kasi kung hindi daw, okay lang sakanya mag sit in. I almost
wanted to pull his hair out. Ganoon ba ako kahina sa paningin niya? Kaya inirapan
ko nalang siya, inismiran at walang pasabing pumasok sa loob ng room.

Fortunately, hindi ko kaklase ngayong araw si Sed. Unforunately, nandoon parin si

Sasha. She was sitting in a different seat. The same seat she took when she came
back to school after ignoring me for a long time. I should've sensed na iniiwasan
niya ako-but I was too bling to see that factor. For a thought na nag-alala pa ako
sakanya.

Pumunta ako sa first row malapit sa center aisle. They were staring at me the whole
time na pumasok ako sa loob and I'm more than thankful that I could just ignore
them. Just like the old times, sinubukan kong magparticipate sa klase which I never
did and perfected my quizzes and seatworks. The profs gave me some special projects
para makahabol sa mga nakaraang quizzes na na-miss ko.

The whole day passed by smoothly. Bago umuwi, nakita ko si Sed mula sa hallway. He
was walking towards my direction and I think it was just purely coincidental.
Nakatingin siya sa akin habang naglalakad kami papalapit sa isa't isa. I had
trouble breathing and keeping my heart inside my chest but I managed to look away
and pass by him without saying a word or glancing at him as our shoulders brushed.
Nakakatawa dahil ang laki-laki ng daanan pero nagkadampi parin ang mga braso namin.
I shook my head at the absurdity.

Hinatid ulit ako pauwi ni Chase. I didn't let him shut me out again and say nothing
to me though. I confronted him and asked why he smiled at me that way in the
morning but he still managed to brush me off. "I was just scared of how this day
will turn out for you." yun lang ang sinabi niya.

Nakabihis na ako into my comfortable yoga shorts and a tank top after taking a
quick night shower when my phone pinged. I slid into my bed before checking my
phone.

My forehead wrinkled at the grainy and blurred picture as it loaded in my screen. I

swear my heart dropped in a building with a thousand floors when I saw the picture
nice and clear.
It was my wall. Our wall. Maliwanag pa ng bahagya sa picture so it was taken
probably quarter to six.

Naramdaman ko ang sarili ko na namumutla but I ignored the fact that I was getting
dizzy. Nagmamadali kong kinuha ang isang jacket mula sa aparador ko. I was in a
hurry that I didn't bother changing it when I realized it was Sed's jacket.

It was already past eight. Bakit ngayon ko lang natanggap ang text? At bakit
unregistered number? Sino naman ang gagawa ng bagay na yon? I have my fair share of
enemies but I didn't think they have the guts to do that kind of thing.

I bit my lip as I got out of the cab. My phone was ringing. It's probably Chase.
Siya lang ang alam kong tatawag sakin. May nagsend rin ba sakanya ng picture kaya
tumatawag siya sa akin ngayon? Hindi ko pinansin ang tawag niya at nagmamadaling
tumakbo papunta sa students' park.

And there it is.

*******************************************
The Truth

*******************************************

Twenty-Five
The Truth

My wall. My wall that is now ruined with splashes of paint. The wall was glowing
but it lost its charm dahil sa mga pinturang isinaboy dito. I felt my heart tearing
apart as I stared at the text that was now covered in paint. The only words that I
can still read with hardship is fall for you. But that's only because I know the
lyric written by heart.

Who would do such horrible thing?

I shook my head, still staring at the wall with nothing but a pale face.
Nararamdaman ko ang bigat ng dibdib ko. My eyes started to blur down but I just
stared at the ruined wall. I continued drinking in the sight of the wall that I
painted with my own blood and sweat.
My wall was ruined, and I feel just as ruined. Parang ako yung binuhusan ng pintura
at binaboy. I feel like I was manhandled and violated.

It hurts seeing my wall in this state. I want to grab a brush and fix it again,
tonight. I want it to be as good as it was before. Perfect like it used to be. But
I can't even move my legs.

It took me a minute before I could walk towards the wall. It felt too unreal. It's
worse than what I felt when I lost Natalie-when I lost Sasha-when I found out that
I was-

My thoughts halted when my fingertips reached the wall. I gasped when it became all
clear to me. I was not dreaming-it was all real. My wall is ruined and I don't know
if I can ever retrieve it the way it was.

My tears started falling down my eyes. I couldn't stop them even if I wanted to. If
I could only push my tears back to my eyes, I would. If I could only stop myself
from getting hurt, I would. But it hurts too much. And I was too broken.

My sobs wailed on the silent evening. There weren't anyone in the students park but
me. It was quiet and dark which made my cries seemed louder. It felt nice.

Crying felt nice.

It's like fooling yourself that you could remove all the pain from your heart even
when it's still there.

I bowed my head, with my hand still on the wall as my shoulders moved up and down.
I allowed myself to cry hard because I know no one could see me. I let everything
out-every tears that I stopped from spilling. Every wails that I stopped from
weeping. I let myself feel sadness. I let myself get hurt and release it all
because I couldn't hold it any longer. It was too heavy for me to carry on my
chest.

Something broke the silence. It was blaring so loudly that I my tears stopped from
falling. I realized that the sound was coming from the front pocket in my hoodie.
Removing my hand from the wall, I grabbed my phone from my pocket and checked the
caller ID. I gasped when I saw his name on the screen. Should I answer it? I have
no idea why am I even asking myself that. Alam ko naman ang magiging end game.
"What?" I tried to sound like my usual self and it took him a few seconds before
the other line boomed his voice.

"I remember what you wore on the first day. You came into my life and I thought hey
You know, this could be something." he sang. My eyes widened. Did he just sing?

"What are you doing?" I whispered but he didn't pay me any attention and continued
singing from the other line.

"'Cause everything you do and words you say You know that it all takes my breath
away And now I'm left with nothing." napakagat ako sa labi ko. Imbis na magreklamo
at tanungin ulit siya kung anong ginagawa niya, I just let myself listen to him and
enjoy his angelic voice.

His voice sounded so perfect. How can he hide something so beautiful? Naramdaman ko
nanaman na bumabalik ang luha sa mga mata ko. I tried holding back my tears pero
hindi ko ito napigilan. I was crying silently as Sed sings to me on the phone.

"So maybe it's true that I can't live without you. And maybe two is better than
one." my heart was wildly beating of my chest. It was begging to be set free. It
wanted to go somewhere else. To Sed.

"But there's so much time to figure out the rest of my life. And you've already got
me coming undone." a sob escaped my mouth before I can even stop it.

"And I'm thinking two is better than one." I sniffed, letting my tears fall but
trying to make myself sound as casual as possible.

"What are you doing?"

"You said you wanted to hear me sing." I frowned.

"I didn't say that."

"But you want me to." another sob came from my throat and Sed sighed from the other
line.
"Stop crying."

"I'm not crying." I guiltily exclaimed.

"Hm. Liar." I jumped, immediately turning around when I heard his voice sounded too
raw and close. My eyes widened when I saw Sed standing in front of me. Napatalikod
agad ako at mabilis na pinunasan ang mukha ko, trying to remove the evidence of
being weak.

"W-What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I figured you might be here."

"What are you now? A GPS tracker?" I sassed but he didn't say anything in reply. I
bit my lip and held on my chest. I can't let Sed see me cry. I can't let him see me
cry. Oh please wag kang iiyak.

"Vulnerable." I heard him say it again. Sinabi niya rin sa akin yan nung huling
beses na nagkausap kami. It made me turn around to face him and scowl at him.

"Stop saying that."

"What? Vulnerable?" I grimaced at him.

"I'm not vulnerable!"

"That's what a vulnerable person will say."

"S-Stop bothering me! Go away! P-Pwede ba tigilan mo na ako Sedrick? Nakakaumay na

yung presence mo!" he just nodded at me pero hindi parin siya gumagalaw.

"What are you waiting for?" I asked him.

"What?" he asked back.

"Hindi ka pa ba aalis?"

"Bakit naman ako aalis?"

"Eh kasi sinabi ko!" I screamed at his face.

"Bakit hindi ikaw ang umalis?" I gasped at his reply. Seryoso ba siya? Anger
started spurning inside me. I gritted my teeth and glared at him with all my might.

"Fine!" I grumbled and turned around, planning to leave pero may mabilis na humila
sa akin pabalik and I was pulled so hard that I slammed to a strong chest. The
strong grip on my arm slid on my lower back and another at the back of my head. I
was surprised at how warm he was but I was more shocked at how tight his hug was.
Nakadukdok na nga ang mukha ko sa bandang malapit sa leeg niya dahil hawak-hawak
niya ang ulo ko.

"Please let me in." I heard him whisper near my ear and that was enough to make me
burst back into tears. I so badly wanted to tell him that it hurts. I want to let
him know everything. Every bit of me. But I'm scared that he'll be disgusted. That
he'll hate and judge me for it.

"I'm scared." I whispered between my cries.

"I know." he sounded so gentle.

"Please tell me."

All or nothing. That's the perfect phrase to describe this moment. I don't know why
am I even hesitating. Wala naman magbabago pag sinabi ko sakanya ang totoo. I'll
still be me. And there still can't be us. I won't allow us to be us. I'll ruin Sed,
just like how I ruined everyone around me.
"Akiko, tell me anything. One thing. Just say something." he sounded so desperate.
Like he was begging for something important-something life or death kind-of
situation.

"It hurts." I felt Sed's chest relaxed against mine. Why was he holding his breath?

"What hurts?"

"Everything. You. This. It hurts." I shook my head. I pushed Sed away from me and
he let me go. I stared at him as tears began falling down my face.

"I didn't mean to involve myself with you. I just needed to. I-you're different." I
paused, trying to look for suitable words to explain what I feel. "Everything is
difficult when you're around. I can't breathe when you're in my radius and my
system messes up." I groaned. "What am I talking about? I just-I did all of those
things because I needed to, okay? I was planning to use you. For my safety and
yours. It was never my intention to fall." the last sentence slipped my tongue. I
was waiting for Sed to react but he just stared at me, listening to what I have to
say.

"I planned to win you over and take what I need, hoping that everything will be
back to normal. No pesky bugs, no more respiratory problems but I already knew it
was bullshit. Damn it. Doing it felt bullshit. That's why that night-we-I planned
to just take what I want from you. But when I saw you-at naisip ko na pag nakuha ko
ang gusto ko sayo-hindi na kita makakausap ulit. I can't be anywhere close to you
again. And thinking that I couldn't be with you hurts more than anything-more than
satisfying my own needs. I couldn't fathom being forced to be away from you. That
night-I was at my limit. I thought I was going to die. I'm surprised I was able to
wake up from being unconscious. I didn't know-I didn't know that he was Gabe. I was
out of own mind. I wasn't clearly thinking-all I know is I was burning and I needed
to turn the scorching feeling down. Then I saw you-I was so ashamed of myself." I
sobbed and wiped the tears with the back of my palm.

"I can't be with you Sed."

"Why?" I shook my head at him.

"I can't tell you."

"Please." he pleaded and I saw how broken he was inside. My lungs shut down and one
wrong move of my lips, masasabi ko sakanya ang totoo. I closed my eyes, thinking if
I should just say it. Ano bang mababago pag sinabi ko sakanya? Alam kong wala pero
bakit gusto kong malaman niya ang totoo?

"I'm adopted." I bit my lips again, waiting for him to react but he didn't say a
word. He didn't even blink. I guess I need to bring out the bigger guns. I closed
my eyes and took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself before talking again.

"I'm cursed."

It was in the afternoon, past three when a seven year old kid was dropped off from
their house by her school service. Malawak ang ngiti niya at excited para makita
ang mommy niya to tell her how she ranked top one on their batch. She was raised by
her mother alone, bata palang siya-wala na ang father niya. She was about to shout
her mother's name but words got stucked on her throat when she saw her mother on
the floor, crying over some sophisticated and striking woman. She was remarkably
pretty but no one has ever looked scarier than her.

"Mommy?" the little girl stopped in her track, her lunch bag dropping on the
floor-totally forgotten. The little girl stared at the powerful woman standing
before them. She was staring at her with pure disgust. Filled with judgment and
hate. No one has ever looked at her that way. It made her feel anxious-feel
insecure and afraid. Like she suddenly wants to hate herself for standing before
her.

"Hindi ka na nakuntentong i-kama ang asawa ko, nakuha niyo pa talagang magkaroon
ng anak?" she spat as she stared at the little girl.

"Wag mong idamay ang bata Winona. Wala siyang kasalanan, wala rin siyang ginawang
mali." her mother tried to defend her but she's not sure of what. The woman looked
at her with revulsion.

"Walang ginawa?" she scoffed. "Her birth alone is a mistake."

The little girl batted her eyes a lot of times. "Mommy, inaaway ka po ba ng
babaeng yan?" the woman sneered at her.

"Little girl, do you know how you were conceived?" the woman laughed. "Oh, hindi
mo siguro naiintindihan-"
 "Naiintindihan ko po. I'm the fruit of my parents' love."

The woman stared at me, shocked. "Parents? Love?"

"Winona." her mother tried to stop the woman but the woman just hissed at her
mother.

"Isa kang bastardang anak. Ang nanay mo ay isang babaeng mababa ang lipad na nang-
agaw ng may asawa ng iba. Nabuo ka dahil sa isang kasalanan, kaya ikaw ay isang
kasalanan." the woman smirked. She turned her attention to the little girl's mother
with a growing interest. "Why would I waste a damnation for a dying sinner when I
could do it to the potential daughter of a sinner instead?"

Her mother's eyes widened. "Wag, wag! Winona, nagmamakaawa ako-wag mong idamay ang
anak ko. Nagmamakaawa ako sa'yo."

The woman just raised her chin. "Because you were made from pleasure, then you
should live with pleasure. Just like your mother, you're going to be a slave for a
man's sensual desire. You are going to weaken when you deny your thirst, die when
you don't sate it at all. You can't be with a man you just sensually satisfied or
you'll weaken even more. One day, you'll give sensual pleasure to a man-no matter
what age, and you'll remember how you're nothing but a sin, you'll remember this
moment-and you'll forever be bound to this curse." the woman pulled a good amount
of hair from her head which made her she cry in pain.

"No!" the little girl's mother screamed and the woman just smirked in satisfaction
before leaving the house. The little girl was crying when her mother suddenly
straightened. She stopped from crying, her sadness turning into horror as she
watched her mommy suddenly shaking with foam coming out of her mouth.

*******************************************
Breathe

*******************************************

Twenty-Six
Breathe

It might sound crazy but it was true. As much as I hate it. I am cursed. I didn't
believe it at first-hell, I didn't even remember it. I was only seven years old for
God's sake! I can't even remember my own mother. All I know is that my mother died
in front of me, I don't know who my father was, I'm a bastard child, and that I was
cursed by a woman whom I think was my father's wife. I don't even know that being
cursed was possible.
Mams used to be my counselor-my psychologist nung nasa bahay ampunan pa ako because
of my trauma. Right now, I'm still weighing if I was traumatized with seeing my
mommy dying in front of me or traumatized by the woman who said that I was a
mistake. I never opened up to her that much though. I never spoke to anyone, until
Mams brought Kuya Jax with her. Kuya Jax made me smile again. Mams figured that
being around with Kuya Jax might fix me so she decided to bring me home.
Eventually, I started talking, slowly warming up on them. A few months later, I was
placed for adoption. I cried hard because I don't want to leave Kuya Jax, Mams and
Dads. I loved him like he was my own brother. I loved all of them like the complete
family I dreamt of that I never had and can never have.

"Hindi na kita makikita ulit Kuya?" I sniffed, hugging my brother as we layed in

the bed.

"Makikita. Sino naman nagsasabi na hindi?"

"Kasi, may kukuha na daw sa akin sabi nila. Kuya, ayaw ko umalis. Gusto ko dito
lang ako. Sabihin mo kay Mams, dito nalang ako. Please? Hindi niyo na ba ako love?"

And obviously, they ended up adopting me. I had never been happier in my life.
Masaya ako dahil may buong pamilya na rin ako pero minsan, hindi ko maiwasan
malungkot dahil hinihiling ko na sana... sana buhay pa si Mommy. Sana buhay pa
siya.

My past, completely forgotten-I started anew. I made new memories with my new
family and forgot about my bitter past. Pero kahit kinalimutan ko ang nakaraan,
hindi ko parin nakalimutan si Mommy. I even managed to forget about the day she
died. Mams helped me blocking out that memory. Like-picking something that you want
to forget.

Everything was perfect until I turned seventeen. I was a teenager with normal
teenage hormones alive and kicking. At that age, I started being curious and it's
true with the quotation curiousity killed the cat. I was invited to a party that I
could never forget-forever marking as one of the biggest regrets in my life.

Drew was my first boyfriend. No, he didn't court me. It wasn't like any lovesick
highschool romance. And no, I wasn't in love with him. I don't even like him that
way. We dated because we thought it was convenient. On the first month of our
relationship, we're happy with just spending time together and holding hands. On
our first month and secondth week, he was invited to a party and he asked me out as
his date and since I'm his girlfriend, I agreed.
There were cigarettes and alcohol everywhere-not that I smoke. I wasn't even a
heavy drinker before. I used to be an anti-alcohol, liver lover type of person.
Time changed me. My curse changed me. But anyway, back to my story-I was just
starting to get drunk that time but Drew is drunk. And since drunk is the neighbor
of stupidity, we kissed.

He pulled me into the bedroom, kissed me and I allowed it because I figured it's
normal for two people in a relationship to share that kind of intimacy. That, and I
was close to being drunk. And I really wanted to know what first kiss feels like.
And again, no-I didn't experience any pop, crackling or rolling electricity inside
my body. It was pure lust. But as Drew and I started to get caught up, he pulled me
on his lap so I could straddle him and just as when I automatically grinded against
his crotch, he groaned. And that's when I felt something sparked inside. It wasn't
because of any attraction nor was it because I realized that he's the one. It's
because that night, my curse was activated. The memory of the woman cursing me
flashed into my head and Drew pushed me off him when I started screaming. I can
remember him asking me if I was okay, but I keep on saying that I'm not and how my
throat was burning. His masculine scent was reeking off him. My instinct kicks in,
I pulled down his pants and that's when Hedone was created.

On my first boyfriend's defense, Drew was not a jerk. He even tried to stop me from
giving him a blo*job but I was unstoppable. All I could ever think off was to sate
down my scorching throat. As soon as I finished, I felt relieved-everything went
back to normal. But when I realized what happened, I was disgusted of myself. Of
what I have done. Drew was jaded because I took some energy from him through giving
him pleasure and I left. He tried to call for my name but he was too weak to chase
after me.

I didn't know what was wrong with me. As soon as I got out of the room, I thought
everyone just knew what happened. I was so embarrassed that I locked myself in my
room for days. And within those days, I felt my throat burning again. I was
starting to question myself kung bakit nangyayari sa akin ang mga iyon-the memory
flashed back in my mind again.

Her born alone was a mistake.

The curse came true and the first man's I've ever pleasured trigerred it, just like
what that bitch said.

Sinubukan akong lapitan ni Drew nang sinubukan kong pumasok. I thought I was just
getting dizzy but when he touched me-half of my energy drained and it certainly
didn't do me any good. That's when I confirmed that I can't be with the same man
twice. Thus, me broking up with Drew.

At first I tried to deny what my body wants and every passing second, I can feel my
self weakening. God, those days-I took every ounce of my self-control to watch
myself around Dads and Kuya Jax. My curse knows no age. It'll take whomever
pleasure it wants. On my second week, I gave in to what it needs and did it again.
That's when I realized that I can't do anything about it anymore. The curse has
become a part of me.

Two weeks after that, I told my bestfriend the truth, time passed and I learned to
control myself. God, every time I do it-everytime I take a man's pleasure, I'm
tempted to take it all and go all the way. But I can't let my curse fully control
me. It took a part of me already, I can't let it take my virginity. It's the only
part of me that is still intact and whole.

I even found out that I could easily seduce a man and increase their sexual
attraction. I don't know how it works, but just one release of a sweet fragrance
from my pores and they'll be all lust crazed. Not that I'm proud of it. It's not
something that you could brag without being branded a whore. A slut.

And that's what made Sed different. When I tried to use that on him, he deflected
it. It didn't work on him which got me curious. And until now, I'm stuck in
theories. I don't know if it's because of his cold persona or because he's just not
the typical guy with a raging boner. Yun lang ang dalawang theory ko kaya kung wala
sa dalawa, I'm out of ideas.

I patiently waited for him to laugh at me. Or maybe see disgust from his reaction
but he didn't show me anything that I expected. He just smiled at me.

"Thank you. I know." his answer made me blink at him for a few times. I didn't get
it. Why does he sound so calm?

"What do you mean by you know?"

"I know everything about your plan. I know how you were adopted, I know that you're
cursed."

"W-What? H-How?"

"Chase." imbis na maliwanagan sa sagot niya ay mas lalo lang akong naguluhan.

"Chase?" Sed nodded.

"Before you started the plan-I, Chase talked to me. He asked me straightface if I
was interested in you or if I liked you-at that time, I was interested in you but
not in a romantic way. I was interested because of your attitude, the way you carry
yourself, you beguile me Aki. And I was curious. You were like a brand new album
that I want to uncover and listen to but I didn't say any of that. I just plainly
said that it's none of his business since I don't want anyone sniffing on my
personal life. He frowned at me and then he warned me off. He said if I'm not in
love with you, it's good, as long as I gave you what you want but if I was, he said
I should just stop it and take what I could take. I almost scoffed at what he said.
I thought he was your boyfriend and was only being a territorial douchebag. And
because I felt like my ego was bruised, I taunted him and told him what if I was in
love with you. Tinanong ko pa kung anong gagawin niya at kung sino ba siya para
diktahan ang puso ko.

"He told me his name, said he was your bestfriend and told me it won't work, kaya
tigilan ko na daw nararamdaman ko hanggang maaga. He just said if I really love
you, ibibigay ko nalang ang gusto mo at lalayuan na kita. It made me curious even
more, I was dying to know what he means so I played along and pretended that I have
real feelings for you and asked. Tinanong ko kung ano ba talaga ang kailangan mo."
he sighed. Mukhang napapagod siya sa pagsasalita na ginawa niya. I wanted to tease
him about talking so long pero hindi pa siya tapos-at hindi joke time para
magbiruan. I wanted to know.

And right now, I'm not sure if I should feel angry or what. Lumapit sa akin si Sed.
Hinawakan niya ang mukha ko, brushing my cheek with his thumb as he stared at me
with his soft gray and piercing eyes.

"He looked broken before he spoke. Chase. He said that you should pleasure me. It
shocked me of course. I almost considered that Chase was gay, but he doesn't have
that kind of vibe. Akala ko nanloloko lang yung gago kaya sinabi ko na yung totoo
na wala akong nararamdaman na kahit ano para sayo at hindi ko gagawin ang kahit
anong ipagawa at gagawin mo sa akin. I even thought na ikaw ang may gawa ng bagay
na yon. Nainis sa akin si Chase, pagkatapos umalis nalang." I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Akala ko ba sinabi sayo ni Chase?"

"Chase first approached me right before you apologized to me on the rooftop. I was
on the rooftop because I was thinking of what Chase told me that day. Hindi ko
maintindihan kung bakit kailangan niya akong pagsabihan ng ganoon. Why did he warn
me off about you. What did he mean when he said you need to pleasure me. It was all
fucked up. Then you added the confusion up when you started doing everything to
make me fall in love with you. It was frustrating you know. Your bestfriend just
made sure not to be in love with you, and you were doing the opposite by making me
fall." he smiled at the last part and I think I blushed at the way he smiled at me.
He smiled for me.
"He doesn't smile. Ngayon lang."

"Then you were around me, trying your best to get my attention. At first it was
annoying-but damn it, you were so cute. When you painted our wall, and showed me
the result that night... I swore I almost said yes. I thought of saying it but I
was denying my own feelings. But when you brought me to your favorite place and
told me about yourself... I-I, started seeing you differently. Then you avoided me.
I hated it when you ignored me. I missed you. Every waking second, I missed you and
your tenacity. Nung laro-when I got injured, when you showed how much you cared for
me... that's when I fell." my eyes widened. My tummy started twisting again because
of what he just said.

Damn it, talent niya na ang abalahin ang tiyan ko 'no?

"Then why did you ignore me?"

"Because you confused me. I'm pretty sure you were just playing with me-but
everytime you're with me, that idea disappears in my mind. I was frustrated at the
way you acted that day I saw your painting Aki. You looked like you were disgusted
of me. And it irritated me. Then Chase approached me again. Tinanong niya ulit ako
kung may nararamdaman ako para sa'yo. This time, he looked less aggressive. His
presence irked me. And I didn't know what came over me and I told him the truth. He
was surprised, of course. He suddenly became bitter and told me to just stop it
dahil nasasaktan ka lang. I was so pissed because for the second time around,
dinidiktahan niya na naman ang nararamdaman ko. Then he told me that you're cursed.
He told me how you did everything-how you pretended to be interested on me para
lang makuha ang gusto mo. Akala ko nagloloko lang siya-but his explanations were so
detailed that it doesn't look like he was faking it. I told him to fuck off at sabi
niya kaya niyang patunayan sakin pag pumunta ako ng club." so he didn't invite Sed?
He tricked Sed into going to the club that night?

Hinawakan ni Sed and noo ko, smoothing the crease on my skin and he shook his head
at me like he knows what I was thinking. "Sinabi niya sakin ang gagawin mo nung
gabing yon, at kung bakit and I want to make sure kung nagsasabi siya ng totoo. I
waited for you that night, Chase told me na kapag nangyari ang sinasabi niya-
ibibigay ko ang gusto mo at lalayuan kita. God, I almost wanted to back out. Hindi
ko kasi alam kung gagawin mo pero alam ko na hindi kita kayang layuan. I wish you
never showed up. And it took you a long time which almost put me into edge when
Chase suddenly sighed and showed me his phone. Halos tumalon ako sa tuwa-I knew you
were around.

I want to rip my fucking heart of my chest when I was you kissing someone else. It
was my instinct that followed you when you pulled him outside. I hesitated-I almost
didn't follow you. Fuck. Hindi ko alam kung mapapatawad ko ang sarili ko kung hindi
kita sinundan nung gabing yon. I never had the need to kill someone Akiko. Nung
gabing yon lang."

His jaw was clenching and unclenching while telling me the story. How his gray eyes
turned black, like the harsh waves on a seastorm. For a second, he looked like he
could really kill.

"I brought you to my dorm because I didn't know where you live. Hindi ko tinawagan
si Chase. I could-but I chose not to. I was selfish. I wanted to take care of you.
You were so still and pale that night Akiko. The only thing that calmed me was your
beating heart and that you were breathing. I left the dorm early, to grab something
to eat para may makain ka pagkagising mo. But when I came back-nagpanic ako agad
dahil hindi kita nakita. I was surprised when I saw you coming out from Gabe's
room. You looked more lively than the last time I saw you-I felt relieved that you
were safe but I swear to God I almost wanted to murder my bestfriend when he got
out of the room with nothing but towel on and a slightly visible hard on. Two days
straight and I wanted to murder someone. I was so mad at you Akiko. I was mad at my
bestfriend. I didn't know what to think. And what Chase said clicked. That's it."
he ended it with a shrug like what he just said wasn't much of a big deal. I stared
at him in awe.

"That's it?" he grinned at me and nodded.

"You're not disgusted?" I asked him again. Kumunot ang noo niya at sumimangot siya
bigla sa akin. Tinanggal niya rin ang kamay niya mula sa mukha ko.

"Why would I be disgusted?"

"Because I'm cursed."

"Do I look like I care? Aki, you could have leprosy or anything that's contagious
for all that you want but nothing can make me stay away from you. Your curse
doesn't really make me love you less." my eyes widened at the four letter word that
begins with l.

"Love?" ngumiti ulit sa akin si Sed and I swore my legs just melted at how perfect
his smile was.

"I thought it was already obvious? I'm in love with you Akiko and I'll still love
you kahit maging si Hedone ka pa." I bit the inside of my cheek. He was grinning at
me and I couldn't help myself but cry. My tears incessantly fall and Sed looked
like he was in panic.
"We can't be together Sed." biglang nawala ang ngiti sa mga labi niya at bumalik
ulit ang pagkainis sa mukha niya.

"Because you're cursed?"

"Yes you idiot." I hissed at him as my tears continuously ran down my eyes. Damn
it, I must look like an idiot for crying like this.

"I thought I just said I don't care?"

"But I do care! I care Sed! Masasaktan lang kita! At pag nasaktan kita, masasaktan
lang ako. Hindi mo ba naiintindihan? I can't be with you!! Akala mo pag sinabi mong
mahal mo ko at sinabi kong mahal din kita, magiging okay na? Hindi ganon yon Sed!
I'm cursed and I'm forever damned! I wish I could say that if you would kiss me,
everything will be okay just like in the fairy tales but I couldn't say that. This
is not a fairy tale. I'm cursed, this is real-this is happening and there's no
other way around it."

"I don't care." anger started spurning inside my chest when Sed whispered how he
doesn't care.

"You don't care? We will be together and every time I would go weak-I'll be giving
a bl*w job to some guy that I don't know? You don't care? We could be together but
I can't kiss you or touch you intimately? You don't care? I can't be with you and
act like I don't care Sed!! Kung ikaw kaya mo, ako hindi! I don't want to do that
to you Sed. I can't hurt you."

"I still want to be with you." I gave him an empty laugh.

"Masokista ka ba?" mabilis na naglaho ang pagtawa ko ang my tears started falling
again. I was sobbing hard.

"Anong tulak pa ba ang gusto mong gawin ko sayo? Ilang masasakit na salita pa ba na
salita ang gusto mong marinig mula sakin? Hindi ka pa ba susuko?"

"Hindi. Kasi mahal kita. Kasi pagmahal mo ang isang tao, hindi mo dapat sinusukuan.
Kasi pag mahal mo ang isang tao, gagawin mo ang lahat para sakanya at hinding-hindi
mo siya iiwanan."

"Stop it. Please." I cried. "Do you know how much it hurts-how much self-control I
have just to stop myself from kissing you?"

"Then kiss me." he dared and I shook my head.

"Do you want to see me suffer?" nakita ko ang lungkot sa mga mata ni Sed and I felt
my heart cripple again. "I can't pleasure the same man twice Sed, and I can't be
with him. Because if I do, my energy will drain. I'll weaken."

"You don't need to pleasure me. Hindi yun ang habol ko sayo. I just want to be with
you." he paused.

"I need to be with you. Right now, I don't think I can live without you. You're my
air, you're the oxygen that I breathe. The reason why I'm still breathing. Please
don't take my breath away from me." I was shocked when I saw a tear falling from
Sed's eyes. I was astounded. I don't think I have ever seen him cry before-because
I never had.

"I don't care if you're cursed. I goddamn care if you need a man's pleasure to
survive. I just want to love you. Please don't push me away. Please-" I cut him off
because I can't help myself anymore. I tiptoed and pulled his nape, planting my
lips on his and pulling before I could even take what I don't want to take.

"I love you. I love you." I exclaimed, my forehead on his while catching my breath
from our quick stolen kiss and a smile slowly appeared on Sed's face again. Seeing
him smile made my heart flutter. He looked like he was the happiest guy in the
world and finally after five hell of years... I'm positive that I was the happiest
girl in the world.

*******************************************
What happens next?

*******************************************

Twenty-Seven
What happens next?

For the first time in my damned history, I woke up with a huge smile on my face. In
my entire miserable existence, I was more than willing to wake up from my dream and
face the reality because I finally had something worth living for. Last night was a
huge catastrophic even in my life. I've never cried that hard in my entire life. At
sa harap pa ng isang tao.

Pagkatapos mabunyag ang lahat ng pwedeng mabunyag at mangyari ang lahat ng mga
pwedeng mangyari kagabi, inihatid ako ni Sedrick pauwi. It was a quiet ride. I've
never felt so awkward but comfortable at the same time. Bago ako lumabas ng kotse,
nginitian muna ako ng isang nakakamatay na ngiti ni Sed.

And that's it.

It was so simple pero it was heavenly to me. It feels better than sating my thirst
by pleasing someone. My phone buzzed, disturbing me from my thoughts.

Do you want me to fetch you?

My eyes widened over Sed's text message. Hindi kaya may glitch ang phone ko?
Seryoso ba 'to? Sed sent this? If yes then this is, by far, the longest text
message he had sent me for the past two months.

The past few weeks, I brought out some emotions and reactions from Sed. Last night,
I made him talk for a long time as he explains everything to me and today-well, he
sent me a record breaker text message. Looks like being together made us break a
lot of things. Sed is starting to break his old habits and I'm starting to break my
rules. Actually-I broke almost all of my rules. And now, I'm left with three.

Rule #01: Take 'em and trash 'em.

Rule #02: Get but never give.

Rule #03: Never do them twice.

Now, I just need to make sure that I won't break any of those and everything will
be-alright.

Okay lang but where r u ba? Another shocking revelation is he replied

immediately.

Campus.
My forehead creased. Susunduin niya ako pero nasa campus na siya? Hilo ba ang isang
'to?

Campus? Edi wag mo nalang akong sunduin. Aksayado ka masyado sa gas. I rolled my
eyes and slid my phone back to my pocket before heading downstairs.

The usual, quick breakfast-kiss sa cheeks kayla Mams and Dads then deretso alis ng
bahay. I heard my phone ping a while ago pero hindi ko lang pinansin.

Don't be late.

For a thought na naalis na siya sa pagiging monosyllables niya. I guess there are
some habits that you can never break. Not that I mind. I actually love how
monosyllabic Sed is. It makes him suplado and suplado guys are very attractive. I
thought of pissing Sed off and not attending my first two classes just for the heck
of it. Hindi naman niya malalaman since wala naman kaming class together.

Napangisi ako sa isip ko at mabilis na tinawagan si Chase.

"Ang lakas mo rin talaga mambuska 'no?" yan ang unang bati sakin ni Chase
pagkadating nag pagkadating niya sa seaside. Ngumiti ako ng napakalawak at matapos
ay tumayo para yakapin siya ng mahigpit na mahigpit. Nagulat si Chase sa pagyakap
na ginawa ko sakanya pero in the end, niyakap niya narin ako pabalik. Huminga ako
ng maluwag at matapos ay ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko.

It' so comforting.

Ngayon lang ulit ako nakahinga ng maluwag at parang walang tinik sa dibdib. I wish
lagi nalang ganito. I feel more than relieved.

Bumitaw ako sa pagkayakap kay Chase at matapos ay ngumiti ulit sakanya ng

napakalawak. I don't think I have ever smiled this much in front of him-much less
in front of anyone.

"You're this happy?" he asked and I nodded at him, still with a huge smile
plastered in my face. And because every smile is contagious, napangiti narin sa
akin si Chase.

"I'm glad that you're finally happy. You deserve it." napabuntong hininga ako at
maya-maya ay naalis din ang ngiti sa mukha ko. Things started flocking on my brain
and I was nearly cringing at every thoughts that was invading my mind.

"What are you thinking?" he asked and I sighed before returning to the place where
I was sitting a moment ago.

"What happens next. How everything seems to good to be true. I woke up four hours
ago but I'm still giving my self reminder slaps just to prove that I'm not
dreaming."

"You're not dreaming Aki. I always knew you'll have your happy moment. Na-delay
lang ng konti."

"Then what happens next?" I asked, feeling frustrated.

"No one knows what happens next. You just need to forget the past, stop worrying
about what will happen tomorrow and just live today." Chase gave me a comforting
smile. I stared back at the sea side, not knowing what to say to him. I wish I can
say that I was assured but I'd be lying. He grabbed my hand an squeezed it tight.

"Wag mong isipin ang mga bagay na hindi pa nangyayari Aki. Just think of things
that could prevent it from happening." I looked at him before releasing the breath
that I was holding in my chest.

"I should. Thanks BB." Before Chase could think of something to say, tumunog bigla
ang phone ko. I made sure to bury it deep inside my bag para hindi ako ma-tempt if
ever man magvibrate or mag ping siya for text messages pero the force is too strong
in a phone call. I absentmindedly grinned before grabbing my phone inside my bag
and answering it right ahead.

Nakita ko ang four messages from Sed and an incoming call from the same guy. I bit
my lip, trying to stop myself from smiling even more.

"Yes?" I asked.
"Where the hell are you?" I couldn't help myself but snort and stand to distance
myself from Chase for some privacy.

"Seaside." I thought of being a smartass but I figured that Sed might not be in the
mood for it.

"Are you okay?" yun agad ang sunod na tinanong niya. My heart actually fluttered at
the sound of his voice. From a cold one, his voice suddenly turned into something
sweet and concerned. Tatanong ko sana kung bakit niya tinatanong kung okay ako but
I remembered telling him na pumupunta ako sa seaside sa tuwing nalulungkot ako.

I smiled. "Never been better."

"What are you doing there?"

"Just hanging out with Chase." tumingin ako sa kinauupuan ni Chase at nakita ko
lang siya na nakaupo at may kinakalikot sa phone.

"Pumunta ka na dito." his voice returning into a stern one again.

"Why?" "Kasi sabi ko." I frowned.

"Ayaw ko nga."

"Go here. Now. Or else." ibinaba agad ni Sed ang tawag kaya hindi na ako nakasagot
sa sinabi niya. Napasimangot naman agad ako. Ang suplado talaga ng isang yon. Hindi
man lang nag I love you. I rolled my eyes, scolding myself for thinking non-sense.
But at least annoying him was a success, kahit na nagback fire and it ended up
annoying me too. I still smiled before walking back to Chase.

"I need to go." ngumisi siya sa akin bigla.

"Bakit? Nagagalit na ba si boyfie?" I grimaced at him.

"He's not my boyfriend."

"Eh ano tawag mo sakanya?"

"Rule breaker." Chase snorted.

"Yeah, your synonym for Boyfriend."

"Whatever you sexy glutton." Hindi na ako nag-aksaya ng oras pa at hinatak na si

Chase papuntang sasakyan. Sinubukan niya pa nga akong inisin, intentionally slowing
up the car's speed kaya I kept on threatening him na tatalon ako ng kotse pababa
which earned me another mockery from him na atat na daw akong makita si Sed. Hindi
naman ako atat na makita si Sed.

Hindi talaga.

Slight lang.

head straight to the main building.

Yan ang text sakin ni Sed kaya sinunod ko naman at sinabihan ko si Chase na doon
nalang ako ibaba. Chase parked in front of the main building. Kinuha ko ni Chase
ang bag ko sa backseat habang inalis ko naman ang seatbelt ko.

"Text me, okay?" Chase handed me my bag and I smiled.

"Ok-" biglang may bumukas ng pinto sa side ko na ikinagulat ko naman.

May isang kamay na humawak sa braso ko at humatak sa akin palabas ng kotse. Static
crawled at the exterior of my skin which is a sign that the person who just pulled
me like a rag doll was Sed.

And I was right.

Nung una syempre nagulat ako, I thought of getting pissed at him for dragging me
like a rolling suitcase but I decided against it. After all, I wanted to see this
reaction from him. It was cute kaya napangiti nalang ako. The whole time he was
pulling me somewhere, secluded-I was smiling. Pero nung huminto na si Sed sa
paghatak sakin, mabilis kong inalis ang ngiti sa mukha ko and frowned as hard as I
can just to play along with his mood.

"What is your problem?" I snapped at him.

"Why did you ditch classes?"

"Just because."

"And you're even with him? I asked you if you want me to fetch you but you told me
not to because you'd rather be with Chase?" it took me more than self control not
to smile at his cuteness. How can he be annoying, unreasonable and cute at the same
time?

"What are you talking about? I told you not to because you were already here."

"Really?" irony echoed in his voice. My lips quirked into a smirk. I know I'll be
stating the obvious but I really want to give him a hard time about this one.

"Mr. Saavedra, are you jealous?" I cattily grinned at him and Sed's eyes widened a
little but it was quick as lightning since it disappeared almost immediately that I
thought I just imagined seeing him staggered. He quickly looked away and I stopped
myself from giggling. I raised both of my hands and cupped his face to make him
look at me. I raised my eyebrow at him.

"You're jealous, aren't you?" It took him a long minute before he decided to
answer.

"Yes." he grumbled in his chest and a wide grin tugged on my lips.

"What?" he asked. For a second, I thought he was starting to feel a little self-
concious. Umiling-iling ako at matapos ay tumawa.
"You're very adorable and transparent when you're jealous." Sed frowned.

"Stop playing me." I shook my head, staring at his face while my hands still on
both sides of his cheek. Sed bore his eyes on my face and I gladly looked at him
with the same concentration. His eyes burned on my lips and I was suddenly feeling
the burn-I quickly took a step back away from him before completely turning around
to distance myself a bit.

Huminga ako ng malalim, calming myself and controlling my mind. If I could only
tame my desire. If I could only stop myself from feeling the need to pleasure a
guy.

Am I really that bad-did I do something wrong in my past life to deserve all of

this?

I couldn't even stare at my boy-rule breaker's lips for five seconds!! I knew. We
both knew that this would be tricky but I couldn't give it up. Sed couldn't give it
up either. I never felt something special towards someone and I just thought I
could stop self loathing and give it a fighting chance.

Naramdaman ko ang paghawak ni Sed sa braso ko.

"Why?" worry stamped his voice and I wanted to cry for being so pathetic.

"Hey, hey." hinarap ako ni Sed sakanya but I bowed my head just so I could avoid
any kind of eye contact. He cupped my chin and tilted my head to make me meet his
gaze.

"What's the problem?" I bit my lips and I could visualize my own face. I must look
like I'm having a hard time. I shook my head.

"Aki." Sed's soft voice hung on my ears.

"I just want to kiss you. And it hurts because I can't. I can't even stay so close
to you for a long time."
"Then we'll make it quick." Sed replied and I gave him a horrid look. Quick?
Doesn't he know how much pain that quick will put me through? No, I won't feel any
burn but it'll leave a mark in my heart.

Because I can't even be a normal girl for him.

Being with him is like having a horrible case of basorexia. No matter how put my
mind into it-I can't help but want but to have this uncontrollable desire to kiss
him. Not pleasure him. But really kiss him. A slow and gentle kiss that could
entwine two people's heart and make it flutter as one. To kiss him just to show how
deep my feelings are. To feel a pop, a connection. To drown in that kiss without
thinking of the consequences.

I want that with him.

I don't know what Sed did but I turned back my attention to him. My thoughts were
cut off and he was pushing my hair behind my ear. His eyes were so full of promises
that I want to hold on to. Right now, he could say that he's really the demon of
Death who wants my soul and I would gladly give my own soul-damn it, even my heart
to him.

He holds that great power over me.

Sed raised his eyebrow over me and I was looking at his lips again.

I sighed and licked my bottom lip. "Just quick."

I grabbed Sed's nape and pulled him downwards to make him meet my very humble
height.

His tongue immediately clashed with mine and I let myself moan and enjoy every
stroke of my own pleasure. It was a first. To feel my own pleasure and not the
person I'm sharing intimacy with and it felt great. My eyes rolled in my head when
Sed slid his hand from my back down to my waist, just above my butt. Something
sizzled on my skin and just as I felt it starting to hit on me, I pushed him away
and let myself breathe. My eyes were closed but I can feel Sed smiling. He pulled
me by my waist, lingering his forehead with mine.

*******************************************
Kisses
*******************************************

Twenty-Eight
Kisses

I wasn't exactly welcomed to eat in the cafeteria, and there's no reason for me to
go to the students' park and I was too lazy to go eat out in a mall nearby or
something that's why I chose to spend my lunch in the rooftop. No, I wasn't with
Sed. May klase siya as of this moment and I miss him, I do. But it doesn't mean I
need to spend all of the time with him. Although I want to... and I know it's not
healthy. Anyway. After the other day's jealous havoc that Sed made, we both decided
to call it a day. Fourth day of our untitled relationship and we're already
consuming each other. It was dysfunctional. We're so bad for each other but we
can't help but want it both.

"Akiko." I jumped when I heard someone call my name. I swear my heart almost
dropped in surprise. Napatalikod ako agad at nandilat ang mga mata ko nang makita
ko ang isang tao na hindi ko inaasahan na kakausap ulit sa akin.

It was Sasha. The other Saavedra.

"Hi." I greeted and returned my attention to what's in front of me. Unlike last
time, I took courage to sit where Sed sat the last time we talked. It was nearby
the edge. It was small but I've never been this proud of myself for letting myself
conquer the fear of falling. In fact, this past few days-I think I've actually
embraced the feeling of letting myself float in mid-air. Not thinking, just
breathing and let myself be loved and love someone in return.

"I know you probably hate me right now, and I kind of hate myself too. But-I just
came here to apologize and say how I was so wrong and how douchebaggery of me for
doing that to you-for hurting you physically and verbally. I just-there's no reason
valid enough to explain what really happened back there. And I'm so humiliated of
myself for doing such horrible thing to you. And-And, I'm sorry." napatingin ulit
ako kay Sasha na ngayon ay nag-aalinlangan tumayo sa harapan ko. She's
uncomfortable-that I can see. But I can also see sincerity in her voice. I smiled
at her.

"Who physically and verbally hurt who?" Sasha gasped as tears sprung in her eyes.
Mabilis siyang tumakbo papunta sa akin para salubungin ako ng yakap. I let out a
satisfied sigh when I felt a friend's warmth again.
"I really miss you Akiko. I'm sorry for everything. I didn't have any right to do
any of those things to you-I'm really sorry. I'm such a terrible friend."

"Yeah. You are." she gasped and pulled away from our hug. Tinawanan ko siya at
matapos ay ngumiti ulit.

"But you're one of a hell hair pulling bestfriend. I'm so lucky to have you on my
side." Sasha cooed and pulled me again for another hug. Sasha have always been a
hugger.

"I'm so sorry for what happened to your wall. I heard that Frances bitch who got
suspended did that. She's actually now in for kick out for vandalizing and
destroying school property." napabitaw ako sa yakap ni Sasha with my eyes all
widened.

"Kick out?" Sasha shrugged.

"That's what I heard. Pero I don't think rumors are the best resources. It stings
right in the butt when it hits you." I laughed.

"So I guess you heard from Sed huh." I uncomfortably told her and Sasha's forehead
creased in obvious confusion.

"Uh, heard what? That you two are dating? No, I sort of hear it flying too. But I'm
happy for you. I know I said I didn't believe you when you said you love him-but it
was just my stubborn mouth speaking. I actually knew you loved him even before you
admitted you did."

"You're not... disgusted?" I hesitantly asked.

"That you're dating my brother? Of course not!! Bakit naman?"

"No-I mean, that I'm cursed." I shrugged like it's not a big deal and Sasha's
experession remained frozen for a minute.

"What?" her voice came out tiny.

"Sed didn't tell you what really happened? The truth? You didn't come here because
you were enlightened?"

Sasha slowly shook her head. "No, hindi pa kami nag-uusap ni Sed pagkatapos
mangyari yung... alam mo na. He was really mad at me for what I did to you. What do
you mean you're cursed? What cursed? Anong totoo?" Sasha started asking and I
stared at her in awe. She apologized not because she thinks that I'm a charity
case? She apologized because she thinks she was wrong and that I deserve the
apology? I let myself process everything. And after processing it, I gave Sasha a
tight hug which caught her off guard.

"Akiko?" I let her go and stared at her face with adoration.

"I love you Sasha." Sasha's eyes widened.

"Uhm-Aki, I love you too-but I'm not uhm... swinging that way. I thought you-" I
made a face and quickly slapped Sasha's arm.

"I mean I love you as a friend you idiot." Sasha laughed and shook her head.

"I know. Now, tell me what do you mean by the truth?"

Sinabi ko ka Sasha ang totoo. I didn't hide anything from her and give her the full
details katulad ng ginawa ko kay Sed the other night. She let me finish my story,
gasping when needed and nodding for encouragement whenever I'm pausing. I don't
even know why I thought she'll be disgusted. I guess it's just a habit. Sasha was
different though. Instead of focusing on how I was cursed-or looking at me like I
was some kind of charity case, she trash talked the woman who placed the curse on
me.

Sasha and I ended up going to class together. Bumalik narin kami sa dating upuan
namin. Our blockmates were giving us genuine smiles. Siguro natutuwa sila dahil
okay na ulit kami. I'm just happy that I have Sasha back. I was never mad at her in
the first place. I know I deserved it-from my own point of view that is.

The bell rang which means my last class is about to start. Pareho kaming tutok ni
Sasha sa hand outs na pinamigay last meeting dahil may upcoming quiz kami. I may be
a genius, kailangan ko parin mag-aral. It's not like my brain automatically
produces useful knowledge for me. If that was possible, I'd probably be a legend.

I didn't hear any knock on our room's door. Napaangat nalang ang ulo ko nang
marinig kong tinatawag ang pangalan ko. "Akiko, may naghahanap sa'yo." my forehead
scrunched up.

Sino naman ang maghahanap sa akin?

Nakangiti sa akin si Che nung tumayo ako at lumakad palapit ng pintuan. She winked
as soon as I reached the door way and left.

Pagkalabas ko ng room, sinara ko ang pinto sa likuran ko and I was welcomed by Sed'
s face. He's not wearing his uniform. Nakasuot lang siya ng kanyang jersey shorts
at isang washed out blue shirt.

"Wala kang klase?" yun agad ang tanong ko sakanya and he flashed me his set of
perfect white teeth that I secretly love. Umiling-iling sa akin si Sed. I was
waiting for him to say a word pero mukhang hindi parin talaga siya matitinag sa
pagiging man of few words façade niya.

"Why are you here?" I asked again.

"I want to give you some kisses." my eyes bulged at his words. Ano daw? He-he came
here just to give me-

"W-What?" Sed smirked at me and took a step forward, closing in the distance
between us.

"I said I want to give you kisses." I couldn't help but gulp.

"H-Here? Are you insane?"

"Ayaw mo?"

I frowned. "Gusto." I flinched as soon as I said it.

Sed just chuckled at me. It was a soft and low chuckle that made me breathless.
God, I can hear him chuckle all day and I'll never get enough of hearing it.

"Good. Ready?" he asked and I immediately bit my lips.

Tumingin-tingin muna ako sa paligid before returning my attention to Sed. Checking

if anyone's watching. Wala naman gaanong tao sa corridor bukod sa mga taong
dumadaan but they're not watching us. Or at least they're being subtle about it.

He took a tiny step closer to me and I could smell his minty fresh breath. Even the
delicious scent of his perfume-or was it his sweat? I never appreciated men's
perfume because it's too strong for my liking but Sed's? Hm. He's a total
exception.

Masinsin akong tiningnan ni Sed, his face was not giving anything away. Walang
ngisi o kahit anong ekspresyona ng bakas sa mukha niya. Although in his eyes...
there's a glint of amusement or something else. I'm not sure. I'm not really good
at reading Sed. I tensed when I can feel his heat blazing from his body kahit na
hindi naman magkadikit ang katawan namin. I stopped from breathing and closed my
eyes, waiting for his the kiss that he promised to give me.

It took five good seconds (I counted it in my head) when I felt a hand grabbing
mine and unclasping it open. Napadilat ang mata ko nang may naramdaman akong
magaspang na bagay sa kamay ko. It was Sed who grabbed my hand and placed something
in it.

Napakunot ang noo ko.

Akala ko ba-

"Ano 'to?" Sed didn't smile, he didn't even smirk. Iniyuko ko ang ulo ko para
tingnan ang inilagay ni Sed sa kamay ko.

Kisses.

I felt my blood draining from my head. Gad. Bakit ba kasi yun agad ang inisip ko?
At pumikit pa ako sa kay loko! Meron ba naman kasi magbibigay ng tatlong pirasong
Hershey kisses ng sobrang lapit kala mo hahalikan ka! Now I feel pissed. And now I
feel absurd for being pissed. And now I hate him for making me pissed and absurd
for being pissed.

"You're frowning. You don't like it?" ibinalik ko ang tingin ko kay Sed na ngayon
ay nakasimangot na.

"You're a jerk. And a smartass."

"You said you wanted my kisses." he sounded like a whining little kid. It was so
cute that I couldn't help myself but unhate him. Okay. Maybe I don't really hate
him. But I'm still pissed at him for making me believe that he was really going to
kiss me.

"Yes. Thank you." I grumbled. Sed's lips twitched and I can see that he's trying to
stop himself from smiling or probably laughing.

"My kisses are really sweet." he bragged.

"Yeah, I bet it is." sarcasm dripped in my voice and Sed finally grinned at me. He
was still trying to stop from grinning though and again, he looked cute. Damn it.

"Bye." I nodded at him, waiting for him to leave bago ako pumasok sa loob. Sed
pulled me for a hug and I let myself breathe in his mouth watering scent. How can
he be sweaty and smell good at the same time? He gently pushed me off him and
kissed me on the forehead, letting it linger there for a long time then looking at
me in the eyes.

"Enjoy my kisses, okay?" I couldn't help but smile. I'm pretty sure I'm melting
right now.

"I will." Sed looked hesitant but he finally left. I dreamily sighed before going
back inside the room, still in cloud nine. I was pretty sure there's a huge smile
in my face when I sat down beside Sasha.

"Bakit pumunta dito yung kambal ko?" she asked and it took me ten seconds before I
can look at her, with a grin extended on both corner of my lips.

"He gave me kisses." Sasha gave me a horrified look and I just shook my head at her
before laughing. I unclenched my fist and secretly looked at the three kisses
wrapped in a silver foil, Sed's version of kisses. I sighed. Itinago ko ito sa
bulsa ng palda ko before grabbing my phone and sliding the screen to unlock it.

Thanks for the kisses. x

I was smiling the whole time I type it on, still smiling even when I sent it.
Ibinaba ko na ito sa desk ko, not expecting him to reply but it only took half a
minute before he replied.

I could give you some again anytime. hindi ko napigilang ang sarili ko na mapangiti
sa text niya. I shook my head and started tapping on my phone again.

The real one?

He replied almost immediately. Risky. You don't want my version?

I'll be asking for kisses all the time, and ur version would make me fat. I cupped
my chin with my hand and waited for the screen to light up again, quiz totally
forgotten. I was overly excited when the screen flashed Sed's new message.

I'll still love you and give you more kisses even if you were fat.

I bit my bottom lip and smiled, thinking what did I do to deserve such a perfect
and sweet guy like Sed. I hit reply.

I love you too.

*******************************************
Too Perfect

*******************************************

Twenty-Nine
Too Perfect
After receiving my kisses-Sed's version. And texting with him about the same thing-
dumating ang professor namin and the quiz commenced. I got a perfect score, as
expected. Not that it matters. I just want this class over with and see him again.
I know it's not good to feel the need to see him all the time but I couldn't help
it.

I was so disappointed when Sed texted me, telling me to go home with Sasha and that
he's still in a practice. I offered him na pupunta ako ng gym para panoorin siya
but he sternly said to go home. I insisted pero ayaw niya talaga akong papuntahin
sa gym. I thought of being stubborn and just go see him but I don't want to look
clingy kaya naisipan ko na wag nalang siyang puntahan.

"Tara na Akiko." Sasha lifted her shoulder bag and I was pulled off from my train
of thoughts.

"What?"

"Hahatid na kita sa inyo." I blinked a few times. Bakit naman biglang mago-offer si
Sasha na ihatid ako when I fiercely told her before that I don't want her to offer
me a ride? Suddenly, a certain guy flashed in my head when I remembered a text that
I read a moment ago.

"Does Sed have anything to do with this?" tinaasan ko siya ng kilay and she
sheepishly grinned at me.

"Sort of. Pero kahit naman hindi niya sabihin, gusto kitang ihatid. Ikaw lang ang
may ayaw."

"Ayaw ko pang umuwi. Panoorin natin siyang magpractice Sasha." aya ko dito at
matapos ay nawala ang ngiti sa labi niya.

"Nakakatamad. Maglalaro lang naman yung mokong yun. Sayang lang oras. Uwi nalang
tayo!" but I don't really want to go home yet, and I feel like wanting to see Sed
again. I frowned to myself for sounding so childish.

"You were so adamant before about watching your twin play. Are we in an alternate
universe?" she scoffed at me. It sounded a little edgy in my ears though.
"Please. Proud lang ako before, ngayon na boyfriend mo na ang kambal ko. I feel
like gagging. No offense."

Umiling-iling nalang ako sakanya, frowning as I sighed. "Pero ayaw ko pa talagang

umuwi."

"Gusto mo mag mall muna tayo? Hindi pa tayo nakakapaggirl bonding. Like, ever.
Tara?" I grinned.

"Wanna hit the cinema?"

"My treat!" she exclaimed and I nodded. Since ayaw naman ako papanuorin ni Sedrick
ng practice nila, I could just distract my mind from thinking about him too much.

The distraction only lasted for two hours. It was six when we both decided to go
home and call it a day. Naglibot kami ng mall. After watching a movie, we decided
to do some window shopping and ended up buying some few stuffs here and there.
Kumain din kami kung saan-saan, finger foods lang dahil ayaw ko masira ang appetite
ko for dinner. I don't want to miss family dinner kasi.

I gave Sasha a hug and a kiss on the cheek before leaving the car and walking
straight to the house. Nasa bahay na si Mams, cooking at the kitchen when I
arrived. I gave her a kiss on the cheek before heading upstairs to change.

Ilalagay ko na sana ang palda ko sa hamper when I felt something on the pocket-then
I remembered Sed's kisses. I quickly retrieved it from the skirt before dropping
the clothe on the hamper. I thought of eating Sed's kisses but a part of me wants
to keep it.

I headed downstairs.

"Mams, may jar ka d'yan?" tanong ko and Mams turned around from the skin, wiping
her hand with a handtowel.

"Meron ata." Mams looked at the cupboards and when she saw a one empty jar, she
handed it over. It was a medium sized transparent and breakable jar. "Here?"
"Perfect." I removed the lid and dropped the three kisses inside. I put the cap
back on, to see my mother just staring at me.

"Why are you keeping a few kisses on a jar, sweetheart? Should I be concerned?" I
laughed.

"It's not for eating Mams." biglang may lumabas na ngiti sa mukha ni Mams.

"Hm. I wonder who's the lucky guy." Mams teased and my eyes widened.

Am I that obvious?!

"Akiko, I'm your mother. It's a motherly instinct."

"Great. You can even read my mind." Mams laughed.

"So, who's the guy?" she prompted and I dropped down the chair. I dreamily sighed
and leaned on the table.

"His name is Sedrick Saavedra. He's the twin of my newly found bestfriend named
Sasha. He's perfect Mams." my mother's eyes twinkled over me. I think she's pleased
that I'm meeting someone. Not something that you expect from your mother but my
parents aren't just like any ordrinary parents. They're special and different.

"I'm happy for you Akiko. You deserve to be happy." She didn't prompt me for other
informations but I think she wants to know so I continuously gushed like a teenage
girl confessing a guy crush to her bestfriend.

"He's drop dead gorgeous, unbelievable handsome, incredibly sweet and really cute-
he's not actually talkative but when he talks, he always says the right word. He's
also a varsity basketball player. He's so perfect that I can't believe he actually
wants to be with someone like me." Mams frowned at the last sentence.
"And what's wrong with someone like you? You're beautiful, you're talented, you're
an intelligent and really sweet girl." I laughed.

"Of course you would say that I'm beautiful. It's like, a mother's pledge to
encourage their daughters and say how beautiful and perfect they are."

"But it's true. You're a wonderful and special girl Akiko. Sedrick is lucky to have
someone like you. I just hope you gave him a hard time in courting you." I almost
choked. Magagalit kaya si Mams pag sabihin ko na mas nauna kong niligawan si Sed
bago niya ako niligawan? I'll probably sound pathetic though so I kept my mouth
shut and just stood up to hug her.

"Thank you Mams."

"I love you darling."

"You too." I sighed in content.

This day could not possibly get any better.

It was exactly past eight o'clock when my phone rang from my room. I paused from
brushing my teeth and frowned at the late caller. It wasn't really late but I don't
exactly have night callers. And I'm not expecting anyone to call me. I quickly spat
the contents in my mouth and gargled it with water, then spitting it out again
before leaving the bathroom. I headed for my ringing phone and I was taken aback
when I saw Sed's name flashing on the screen. I quickly grabbed the phone from my
nightstand and tapped accept before placing the phone near my ear.

"Yes?" I asked.

"Come out of your house." I frowned.

"What?"

"I'm waiting outside." my heart raced. I quickly turned on the light before bolting
on my window, looking for any sign of Sed. And there he is. Leaning beside his car
with the phone at the side of his head. Nakatingin siya sa akin and even from a
distance, I can see a small smile forming on his lips.

"What are you doing here?"

"I want to show you something."

"What?" he hang up on me, crossing his arms to make his point that I'll be going
down whether I like it or not. I groaned.

Stubborn.

I grabbed my cardigan, suddenly glad that I'm wearing a black fitted sweatpants and
not a pair of girly panjamas. I don't wear it often but I usually wear it when I'm
in the mood. I grabbed my phone and my keys before sneaking out of my room. My
parents sleep in very early. Pagkatapos ng dinner, they'll chat up shortly then
head straight to their room for sleep. I'm thankful, or else I don't have any idea
kung paano ako tatakas.

I brushed my arm, feeling a little cold with the breezy wind lingering on my arm.
My cardigan is thin and not really warm enough to keep me from tonight's cold
temperature.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him again as soon as I've reached his car. He
pushed himself off his car and quickly pulled me in for a hug and lightly placed a
kiss on my forehead.

"I missed you." he exclaimed without any restraint and my heart fluttered. I'm
melting again. I can feel the same pesky bugs crawling on my stomach and I couldn't
care any less.

"I missed you too, but that isn't a good reason enough to come in my house at this
time." I frowned at him and he just grinned at me. It was a proud grin, like he's
not ashamed of what he did. I unconsciously shivered, earning me a scowl from Sed.

"You're cold." I earnestly shook my head. He sighed, removing the hoodie that he
was wearing. It's a white one with prints in the front. He lifted my arms and
helped himself to wear it on me.

"Keep this up and you'll be out of jackets." I told him, remembering that I still
have his university jacket.

"I don't mind." he said and proudly smiled at me, brushing my hair off my shoulder.

"I'll keep you warm. Remember?" I flushed, remembering the first song that he
played for me. It was before my painting competition when he shoved an earphone on
my ear and let me listen to the whole song. I ended up listening to that song that
same night before I can finally put myself into sleep.

"Let's go." he opened the car door and stepped away for me.
"Where are we going?" he gave me a non committal shrug and I frowned, frustrated
of not being fed with information.

"Oh. Wait." Sed exclaimed. He got something from his pocket and brought out a
handkerchief.

"What is that for?" he pulled my hand, gripping on my shoulders to turn me around.

I was startled so I immediately faced him.

"What are you doing?!" he scowled at me.

"Be. Still." hindi ko na napansin na itinalikod ulit ako ni Sed sakanya. It's the
same two words that I first heard from him. The same words that I kept on telling
my heart whenever I'm near him. I gasped when I realized that he used the
handkerchief as a blindfold.

"What are you doing?"

"Surprise." he simply said before guiding me inside his car. I was about to reach
out on the blindfold to remove it when he grabbed my hand and captured it with his.

"Don't remove it."

"But-" I complained.
"No." I heard the door slammed and I pouted when I didn't get what I want. The
driver's car door opened and closed again. I can smell Sed from here.

"Are we going to somewhere secluded?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to kill me?"

"Maybe." I gasped.

"Paano mo naman ako papatayin?"

"Sa pagmamahal." I heard him answer. There were a few crickets and then when I
processed what he had just said-I burst out laughing. It was so corny that I
actually thought it was sweet.

"Ang corny 'nun." sabi ko sakanya and he didn't reply. It was boring.

"Please tell me where we're going."

"Shh." he just hushed me. I inwardly groaned. Then I felt him moving until I
realized that he turned on his player. I let myself listen to the song that he
chose to play, knowing that he probably wants to tell me something-Sed Saavedra's
version.

Stay with me, baby Stay with me

Tonight don't leave me alone
Walk with me, come and walk with me
Till the edge of all we've ever known

I smiled and thought of how I was willing to stay with Sed and walk with him
wherever he wants to go. I was enthralled with him and I've never felt this way so
strongly about someone before. He made me broke my rules-and if I was given the
chance to repeat every rule broken, I would gladly do the same thing. It will hurt
along the way but I know it won't if I'll stop myself from trying to stop the
inevitable.

Sometimes, there are things that we want to keep from happening. We're scared of
giving someone else the power to hurt us. That's why we tend to guard our hearts
and save it from being stolen but sometimes, it would be gone without us knowing
it.

Hold my breath as you're moving in,

Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don't run,
just kiss me slowly.

The player stopped producing sound as soon as the car engine died. And I'm guessing
na nakarating na kami sa gustong puntahan ni Sed. I feel nervous and terrified at
the same time. The blindfold is really emphasizing my anticipation. I heard the car
door open and I felt myself panic. Tatanggalin ko na sana ang blindfold when Sed
opened the car door on my side just in time.

"Where are we?" I whined.

"Hush." he dismissed and I frowned. He grabbed my hand and pulled me by his side,
sliding his arms around my waist. The suspense is killing me and I just want this
over with kaya sinunod ko nalang kung ano ang gusto niya. I realized that we
already stopped from walking and I can feel Sed standing right behind me. He was
holding my arms, steadying me like he wants me in a certain position.

"Can you take off the blindfold now?" I didn't need to say it again because he
untied the blindfold of me, as slow as possible. As soon as the handkerchief was
gone, I opened my eyes and it took me a little second to get used to the sudden
lighting which is unexpected since it's already in the evening. I was about to turn
around and ask what is this all about when I realized where we are and what's in
front of me.

It was a beautiful painting of the sunset. Exactly like the sunset I usually see on
the seaside. It was so beautiful that I could cry. It looked realistic. And when I
managed to grasp where it was painted on-I let out a surprised gasp.

"Our wall." I whispered, blinking a few times.

"You were so torn when you saw how ruined our wall was. And I thought this would
make you feel better." lumakad ako papalapit sa wall. I squinted my eyes,
questioning why the hell is it bright. Tumalikod ako at nakita ko ang dalawang ilaw
na nakalagay sa isang stand. I don't even know how he did all of this kaya ibinalik
ko nalang ang tingin ko sa pader.

"Did you paint this?" Sed scoffed like he was offended.

"I'm not an artist." I laughed, nodding, instantly believing him for his words.

"I asked Chase and told me to contact your artistic friends. I let them work on it
a little while ago."

"But why sunset?"

"So whenever you're sad, you could come here and find a reason to smile even when
it's not yet the end of the day." I bit my lips and rushed over to Sed's side to
wrap my arms around him. I buried myself into his chest and he placed his chin on
the top of my head, trapping me with his own muscular arms.

"You're so perfect that it hurts to be with you." I mumbled in his chest and Sed
chuckled.

"You'll get used to it." he quietly said and I hit him in the arm. He chuckled
again and I felt myself smile at the sound of his lovely and soft laugh. Too
perfect.

*******************************************
Unseen

*******************************************

Thirty
Unseen

Everything was so perfect these past two weeks that sometimes, I couldn't help but
think that I was just dreaming. I'm in love with this amazing and sweet rule
breaker of mine and surprisingly-he feels the same, my new bestfriend and I finally
worked things out and now closer than ever, and for the first time in shocking
history-no one bothered me or threw obvious disgusted glares at me. Ever.
So now, I couldn't help but to feel afraid that everything will be taken away from
me from time to time. That it was just given for a specific point, so that I could
experience it. Whenever I'm alone, I'm scared. I'm scared that it will be just like
those bad and horrible movies with sad endings, like something big will happen and
everything will end. This is the reason why I used to hold myself back from being
happy, because I'm scared that my happiness will soon be taken away from me.

"I demand a kiss." I firmly said. Sed raised his eyebrow on me and I did the same
thing to him. Umalis ako sa pagkakahiga ko sa hita niya and gave him a look.

"Where's my kiss?" I asked.

"My kisses are always ready for you." Sed grabbed something from his pocket and
showed me four pieces of the chocolates he had been giving me. My jar is close to
being one fourth filled with his sweet kisses. Palagi niya akong binibigyan pag
humihingi ako ng kiss. And sometimes, he'll willingly give me some. I'm starting to
think that my jar was a bad idea. It's like a reminder of what we didn't have. I
sighed and grabbed the kisses from him, scowling as I kept the kisses on my bag.

"Why are you so frustrated about it?"

"I just-I just want to give you what a normal significant other could have done."
Sed frowned.

"Significant other?" I flushed.

"Well yeah. It's not like you're my boyfriend or anything. We didn't really
establish our stand." his nose scrunched, a sign that he abhor whatever I have just
said.

"Boyfriend is a stupid word, and I don't want you to be my girlfriend. You're my

half, and you complete me." bigla akong namula sa sinabi ni Sed. Always saying the
right things. I bit my lip and shook my head at him.

"You're my rule breaker."

"What?"

"My tenth rule in life is to never fall in love. And you broke it."

"I'm honored to be your life's felon." Sed bowed his head and I nudge his arm,
laughing at his absurdity.

I returned my head to his lap and let myself get some rest. I felt Sed's hand on
the top of my head, smoothly brushing my hair. I smiled at how good it felt to be
caressed like that by him.

"Aki." I hummed at him, not bothering to open my eyes.

"When was the last time you fed?" my eyes opened at the word fed. I saw him staring
at him with so much weight though his hand softly stroking my hair was the complete
opposite.

"Lunch time." I casually closed my eyes but I didn't miss how Sed frowned.

"I didn't mean food." I mentally sighed. He's not going to let this one ago, that's
for sure.

"Two weeks ago."

"Do you need to feed?" I peeked at him with one eye opened and the other one
closed.

"I'm not yet thirsty. Nor am I tired. You're keeping me strong. My own personal
brand of energy drink." I gave him a cheeky smile and Sed shook his head at me.

"I don't want last time to happen again. Please don't wear yourself out." my smile
quickly vanished.

"Of course I won't. It sucks. But it's worse for the guy whom I'll be feeding on to
though."

"What do you mean?" umalis ulit ako mula sa pagkakahiga ko kay Sed and stared at
him with a wicked smile.

"The last last time I was drained, the guy that I fed on went to a two days worth
of coma."

"How did that happen?" Sed asked.

"Hm. This is a hypothesis since I'm not really sure. Me taking pleasure to prevent
my body to weaken means taking my prey's energy as well. My first few months of
being Hedone wasn't good. I wasn't in control, and my needs and instinct overpowers
my brain. I took too much pleasure from them that I wear them out. Big time. My
first month, second victim-I left him on a bathroom stall. In our school. It took
him eight hours before he woke up. I was new at being Hedone that I don't know how
to control it. Time passed and I let myself take just a few drops of their energy
to last for two weeks or three."
"Gabe?" he's asking why Gabe managed to survive from my feeding. It's quite simple.

"I told you, I can control myself now. I know I wasn't in my proper mind when I-fed
from Gabe but I still know my limit. I made sure to know my limit everytime I do
it. I'm still a virgin Sed. I don't let anyone take it because it's the only thing
I have left."

"I didn't ask if you were a virgin. And I would hardly care. But hearing you say
that makes me happy. Not for my benefit but yours." I just gave him a nod. I may be
sharing all of these to him, but I still fill uncomfortable.

"Why do you weaken whenever you're around with the person that you've fed on?"

"Another hypothesis. I think it's the body's defense mechanism that I've fed into.
They can probably sense the harm that I'll be bringing to the body, that's why.
Being around them is bearable although a tad energy consumer but having any kind of
physical contact with them? It'll drain me. I told you that happened to me once.
When I was with Drew. It also happened one last time when a guy tried to ask for a
second round the other day."

"Do you really have to give.." Sed trailed on. He was uncomfortable with his
question but I can feel his curiousity.

"Yes. It's the most convenient way. Most of the time, I just use my uhm-hand. But
when the guy is hard to please..." he cringed and I lightly laughed at him. "Don't
ask questions to answers that you don't want to hear."

Hindi na sumagot sa akin si Sed. He just slid his arm on my waist and pulled me
closer to him. He placed a kiss on the top of my head and I let my head lean on his
shoulder, burying my face on the crook of his neck. I sighed, feeling content of
his scent. I don't know how did it but I learned to turn off my urge towards Sed.
It doesn't mean I could kiss him though. I still have the strong desire to take
pleasure from him but it's bearable.
It was five days later when Sed and I had our first official fight. He told me to
feed when I'm not really in a mood for sating my thirst. I wasn't that needy but he
kept on insisting that I should just do what I should do. It angered me syempre.
Pinipilit niya ako na gawin ang ayaw kong gawin-at dinidiktahan niya pa ako. I'm
not used to being ordered around, or I'm just simply irritated.

"I'm not in the mood for a fight Sedrick."

"We're not fighting." he answered and I sighed at him.

"Fine, okay? I'm going to go out this Friday. Okay na ba?" he pursed his lips but
he still nodded anyway.

"I'll go with you."

"I don't need a baby sitter." I snapped at him and he raised ane eyebrow at me. I
realized how harsh my voice sounded and I cringed, composing myself. "Sorry. Okay,
but you'll just drop me off. Okay?" Sed smiled at me and nodded.

I frowned at him. "I like you better when you're a snob and monosyllabic."

"I like you." Sed exclaimed and I stared at him, waiting for any follow ups but he
didn't say a thing.

"And then?" he shrugged.

"I like you. End of." a grin flashed on my face and I pushed myself off Sed and
pinched him on his cheek. He winced but I just laughed at his reaction.

Katulad ng napag-usapan, pumunta kami ng club when Friday night came. Sinundo ako
ni Sed mula sa bahay. It was nine o'clock that time kaya tumakas lang uli ako. I
don't want Sed to meet Mams and Dads. At least not yet. Masyado pang maaga para
doon.

Nang makarating kami sa club, I was hesitant to go out of the car. Kung hindi pa
bubuksan ni Sed ang pinto, hindi pa ako lalabas. I sighed for what seemed like the
millionth time. I just want this over with. But I also don't want to do it. Kaya ko
lang naman gagawin ang bagay na ito para hindi kami nag-away ni Sed.

"Don't enjoy too much." Sed teased and I smiled at him.

"I'll try." I innocently batted my eyelashes. He chuckled, nodding before pulling

me close to him for a hug. He heaved in a deep breath and I feel like I'm floating
around his arms. I just want to stay like that forever. My throat twitched a bit
but I dismissed the thought. I hugged him tight before letting him go.

"Call me."

"I will." Sed gently pushed himself off me kahit ayaw ko pa siyang bitawan. I don't
want him to leave yet. I just want to stay where he is.

"Go." he murmured and I frowned.

"Why are you so calm about this?"

"What do you want me to do?"

"Get mad? Tell me to stay. Tell me that you don't want me to go." Sed intently
stared at me.

"Hey, it's okay." he whispered and I nodded. Tumalikod nalang ako sakanya at
pumasok sa loob ng building without looking back.

I know this hurts him. Kahit hindi niya sinasabi o pinapahalata, alam kong
nasasaktan din siya sa sitwasyon namin. If I were on his shoes, I would be torn
everytime na maiisip ko na naging ganito ang sitwasyon niya.

As soon as I entered the club, dumeretso agad ako sa bar para bumili ng maiinom. I
always order two shots of something strong and good before starting with my
conquest. When I'm done, lalakad ako sa dance floor para sumayaw at magpa-init ng
katawan while looking for potential prey. As I was dancing to Rihanna singing about
pouring it up. I threw my arms in the air, my eyes closed while shaking my hips. A
hand slipped my stomach, masculine scent whipping on my nose, my stomach turned and
I smirked.

Nakapalumbaba ako habang sinusubukan kong idilat ang mata ko sa pagtuturo na

ginagawa ng prof sa harapan namin. It was so boring that I want to doze off. Hindi
ko lang magawa dahil palagi siyang tumitingin sa gawi ko. Siguro nahahalata niya na
hindi ako interesado sa tinuturo niya.

I scrunched my nose and attempted to open my eyes again pero bumabagsak lang ulit
ito. I felt Sasha poking me at my side and I sleepily gave her a look.
"What?" I grumbled and Sasha sneered at me.

"Mukhang kang puyat na puyat! Kanina pa tumitingin dito si Sir. Loka-loka ka

talaga." I snorted.

"Umayos ka nga ng upo!" she scolded, pinching my side kaya napaupo naman ako agad
ng maayos.

"Lady, you don't have to be a sadist."

"Yes I do. Matutulog ka kasi sa gabi! Gosh, ayaw ko ng mga bagay na pumapasok sa
utak ko sa pagpupuyat na ginagawa mo." Mas lalo naman akong natawa.

"Don't worry Sha, your twin's virginity is safe with me."

"Ugh. No, please don't go there." she was shaking her head like she's erasing
something from her mind. Napatawa naman ako lalo before returning my hand on my
chin.

"Oo nga pala, ready ka na ba para sa outing natin sa beach?" tanong niya at
napakunot ang noo ko.

"Outing? Para saan?"

"Yung section natin, balak magfarewell party. Invited pati yung mga irregular, so
pwede si Sed pero ewan ko lang kung sasama siya. Hindi naman yun mahilig sa ganito.
Pero since kasama ka, baka sumama narin yun. Three days and two nights. Share tayo
sa room ha!" I nodded, wanting to dismiss her from talking.

"Hindi ako informed. Pero magpapaalam na ako kay Mams at Dads."

"Kakasabi lang nung isang araw, lutang ka ba? Btw, gusto mong magmall? May bagong
bukas na boutique ngayon kaya sale."

Umiling-iling ako kay Sasha and sighed. "Tinatamad ako Sha, next time nalang.
Madami pa akong gagawin mamaya."

"O makikipagdate ka lang sa kapatid ko." I laughed.

"No, may practice si Sed mamaya. Hindi niya ako mahahatid. Tsaka hindi mahilig
magdate yung kambal mo."

"Hindi pa kayo nagde-date? Ever?" I frowned.

"Nagdate, pero ako nag-aya. Tsaka hindi counted yun kasi ako pa yung nanliligaw
nung time na yon."

Sasha clicked her tongue. "Wala talagang sweet bones sa katawan si Sed." I grinned
at Sasha. Kung alam niya lang.
"His kisses are sweet though." I bragged and Sasha faked a gag.

"TMI please."

"TMI?"

"Too Much Information." umirap siya sa akin at matapos ay tumawa nalang ako.
Iniling-iling ko ang ulo ko before returning my attention on stopping myself from
falling asleep.

*******************************************
Last

*******************************************

Thirty-One
Last

I was pretty useless these past few weeks. I wasn't in the mood for anything but I
still talk whenever I'm asked. Sasha on the other hand, is pretty excited for our
block section's incoming outing. Kakatapos lang ng finals exam namin kahapon. It
was pure hell, lalo na at hindi ako masyadong makapagconcentrate sa sinasagutan ko
so I doubt that I'll get a perfect score. Siguro may lima hanggang pito akong mali
and ten will be my highest number of mistakes.

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa sobrang bilis ng pagtakbo ng panahon. Parang kahapon

lang, kakatapak ko palang sa university na ito. Parang kahapon lang, humahanap pa
ako ng paraan para matigil ang kung anong nararamdaman ko para kay Sed. And now?
I'm already on the finale of my third month and the guy that I plotted to push away
had been mine for almost four lovely weeks.

Madalas akong sunduin at ihatid ni Sed which I really appreciate dahil ayaw kong
magcommute. That would be really a hassle. If the situation is different, I might
have thought the opposite pero laking tuwa ko nalang at may personal driver ako.

On our first three weeks, nag-uusap lagi kami ni Sed. Or should I say, nagsasalita
ako at nagke-kwento ng kung ano-ano sakanya. I told him about my family and he
gladly listened. Akala ko masisira ko na yung monosyllabic habit niya, hindi pala.
Pati sa text, bumalik siya sa pagiging one to four words. Although minsan gumagamit
pa rin siya ng full sentences kapag kinakailangan.

We rarely fight. Actually-we don't fight at all. Una at huling away namin, yung
tungkol sa pagclub ko. Come to think of it, nakakatawa ng kaunti ang sitwasyon
namin. It's like we're on a parallel world where in tinutulak pa siya ng said
boyfriend niya sa ibang lalake. Kinaumagahan, pumunta si Sed namin, quickly pulling
me in for a hug for a very long time which brightened up my day.

Another thing that I love is whenever he's kissing me on the forehead. It's so
genuine and sweet. It's romantic. But I love it more kapag binibigyan niya ako ng
kisses out of the blue. It just simply means that he thought of kissing me. Halos
kalahati na nga ang jar sa daming beses na binibigyan niya ako ng kisses. Three
weeks lang yon ha! Paano pa kaya kung walang balakid sa mga gusto naming gawin. I
blushed, immediately dismissing the thought. It wasn't a smart thing to think
about.

"Pushing your limits." I mumbled under my breath.

Kinuha ko ang isang maliit na suitcase sa ibabaw ng kama ko. I already packed my
clothes good for three days, pati narin ang ibang toiletries ko. I planned on just
bringing a backpack kaso masyadong bulky kaya maleta nalang ang dinala ko.

"Aki! Sed's here!" narinig kong sigaw ni Mams mula sa baba. Yes, they've finally
met Sed. Ipinakilala ko siya last Monday. Niyaya ko siya magdinner sa amin one
time. I actually don't know what came over me at inaya ko siyang pumasok sa loob
pagkatapos namin mamasyal sa mall. I guess I just wanted my parents to know kung
sino ang lalaking nagpapasya sa akin ngayon.

It was awkward at first pero nung tumagal, nagwarm-up rin naman sila kay Sed. And
Sed-well, he's a gentleman kaya hindi ako nag-alala na hindi siya magugustuhan nila
Mams. In fact, they were impressed of Sed.

Sinilip ko ulit ng panghuling beses ang sarili ko sa salamin. I saw my own

reflection. I was wearing a tucked in black spaghetti strap sando and a good soft
pink summer shorts that goes above my waist completed with a black belt. I undid my
five hours worth of messy bun which made my hair wavy before grabbing the black
bretton hat on top of my mirror's desk.

Mabilis akong lumabas ng kwarto, hatak-hatak ang maleta na dala ko. I'm so
exhausted that I just want this trip to get over with and sleep. I ignored a silly
feeling on the pit of my stomach and hurried my pace, ready to see Sed and have my
mind occupied.

I saw my mother talking to Sed by the living room. Tumatawa si Mams at bahagyang
nakangiti naman si Sed although he looked a little bit pained. Hindi talaga siya
sanay ng ngumingiti sa iba. Napatingin si Sed sa kinatatayuan ko kaya napatayo
naman siya bigla. Mams looked behind her as well and smiled.

"Ayan na pala si Akiko. Mag-ingat kayo doon ha?"

"Okay Mams. Love you." lumapit sa akin si Mams at niyakap ako bago halikan sa
pisngi. She squeezed my shoulder before waving us goodbye.

Lumabas na kami ni Sed ng bahay, siya na ang may dala-dala ng maliit na maleta ko.
Hindi ako nagkaroon ng chance na i-appreciate ang kagwapuhan niya kanina, kaya
kukunin ko na ang opportunity na ito. He's wearing a good color of faded red slim
Bedford cut-off shorts and a blue button up shirt. The black Ray Ban Wayfarer that
he was wearing made him look a thousand times delectable. Sometimes, Sed just gets
overwhelming.

Nang makarating kami sa gilid ng kotse niya, sumandal muna ako para taasan siya ng
kilay at tingnan mula ulo hanggang paa. Sed smirked at me, shaking his head in
amusement.

"Hi." I snaked my arms around his waist and bit my lips while appreciating how
gorgeous my man looks.

"Hey." he let the tip of our nose touch before leaning in and giving me a quick
peck. Pinatagal niya ito ng five seconds, within that short amount of time,
naramdaman ko ang panghina ng tuhod ko. Can't help myself but sigh. I don't think I
can ever get used to the taste of his lips.

"Your lips are very addicting." I breathlessly told him and he shook his head.
"Don't steal my line." tumawa nalang ako at matapos ay pumasok na sa loob ng kotse
pagkatapos niyang buksan ang pinto.

We left his car on his dorm since ayaw magmaneho ni Sed all the way sa pupuntahan
namin. We decided na makisabay nalang sa rented bus kasama ang ibang blockmates
namin. It's a good thing na anak ng may-ari ng isang bus rentals ang isang
blockmate namin kaya gas nalang ang binayaran namin. Mabuti na rin na sumama kami
sa iba kasi gusto niya rin naman magpahinga. I actually had a hard time, convincing
him to come sa farewell outing ng section namin dahil irregular lang siya at hindi
talaga siya mahilig sa mg ganitong outings, buti nalang at mahal niya ako at ayaw
niya akong umalis ng hindi siya kasama. Wala daw kasing magbabantay sa akin. Ginawa
pa akong baby ng loko.

The class decided on Puerto Galera since it's one of the good beaches that are near
Manila. Travel time is exactly two hours and forty-five minutes in land and sea.

Pagkarating namin sa meeting place, naghihintay na agad sa akin si Sasha. She was
ecstatic when she saw me. Tumakbo siya papunta sa amin ni Sed at mabilis akong
niyakap. Sed is still firmly holding my hand kaya mas lalo akong napangiti.

"Aki, tabi tayo sa bus ha?" aya sakin ni Sasha. Naramdaman ko ang pagpisil ni Sed
sa kamay ko pero hindi ko iyon pinagtuunan ng pansin. Ngumiti ako kay Sasha at
tumango.

"Basta may pagkain kang dala, sige b-" biglang bumitaw ang kamay ni Sed sa kamay ko
kaya napatigil ako sa pagsalita. Napatingin ako kay Sed na blangko ang reaksyon.
Bago umalis ay bahagya niyang sinanggi si Sasha. My eyes widened as I watched Sed
walk towards the last two-seater on the back. My forehead creased when Sasha
snorted a laugh.

"Anong prob-" she cut me off.

"Wag mo pansinin. Tara na! Aalis na yung bus pagpasok nung driver." hinatak ni
Sasha ang kamay ko papunta sa upuan niya pero nakatingin ako kay Sed habang paupo
sa bus seat. Nakatingin siya sa bintana at napasimangot naman ako. Ang lakas talaga
ng saltik nung isang yon.

After a minute, everyone was all set at umandar na ang bus. Sasha was grinning
beside me the whole time at tahimik naman akong nakaupo sa tabi niya.
"Aki, puntahan mo na yung boyfie mo." napatingin ako sakanya.

"Ha? Akala ko ba tabi tayo?"

"Niloloko ko lang si Sed. Tiningnan ko lang kung anong gagawin niya. Nagtampo yung
loko. Ang cute cute rin pala ng kambal ko magtampo. Namamangga." she giggled and I
can't help but laugh at her wickedness.

"Are you sure okay lang sa'yo na dun ako kay Sed?" she nodded at me and winked.
Tumango rin ako sakanya at matapos ay tumayo para maglakad papunta sa
kinapepwestohan ni Sed. Nakasuot siya ng earphones. Malakas ang kutob ko na
nakapikit siya at umiidlip. Hindi ko sure kasi may suot siyang wayfarer.

Maingat akong tumabi sakanya pero hindi siya gumalaw o kumibo. I think he's really
asleep. I frowned. Itinaas ko ang daliri ko at sinubukan sundutin ang pisngi niya.
I covered my face, expecting him to growl at me or something pero wala siyang kibo.
I pointed my finger and let myself admire his face. His nose was pointed, so I
carefully traced a line on it. Sunod kong napansin ang mapula-pula niyang labi. I
frowned even more, tempted to peck his lips. But I wanted to feel it against my
fingers. Dahan-dahan kong inilapit ang kamay ko sa labi niya nang bigla siyang
magsalita.

"What are you doing?" I sat up properly, distancing myself away from him. I didn't
answer him and just cleared my throat. Inalis ko ang tingin sakanya at sinubukan
umarte na parang walang nangyari. I heard him sigh. Nandilat ang mata ko sa gulat
nang bigla niyang hinawakan ang kabilang gilid ng ulo ko at ipinatong ito sa braso
niya. He placed his other earphone on my ear and then kissed the top of my head
before leaning his head on mine.

I was caught off guard of what he just did that I didn't know what to say. Sunod
niyang kinuha ang kamay ko and gripped on it as tight as he can. We stayed like
that the whole bus ride and I've never been this comfortable for weeks. I let the
twinge on my chest to die down and relaxed myself on him.

When we arrived the Batangas pier, nakaramdam ako ng pagkahilo. Tinanong ni Sed
kung okay lang ako kaya nginitian ko lang siya. As much as possible, isinisiksik ko
ang sarili ko sakanya at hinahayaan niya lang ako. Nung sumakay kami ng pumpboat,
magkatabi kaming nakaupo at isiniksik ko ang mukha ko sa leeg niya. I sighed.
"Are you sure you're okay?"

I nodded. "Sea sick. Just don't move." Sed pulled me closer, protectively wrapping
his arm on my waist as I breathe in his lovely scent. I bit my lips and forced
myself to draw my mind blank.

Tahimik lang kaming dalawa habang nag-iingay naman ang ibang kasama namin sa
pumpboat. Hindi kasi kasya ang buong section sa isang pumpboat. I'm not sure kung
ilan ang na-occupy namin since I didn't pay attention kung anong nangyayari. I just
let myself get wrapped on our very own bubble.

Magkahawak ang mga kamay naming dalawang nang makarating kami sa Puerto Galera. We
were at the sideline, waiting for everyone to get off the boat when my blood
suddenly froze, tiny cold spiders spreading on my skin. My heart started to weaken
and I stiffened, gripping on Sed's hand as if it was my lifeline.

"Sed!" I heard someone shout and I cringed. I gasped out like I just came out of
underwater. Agad naramdaman ni Sed na may mali sa akin kaya inalis niya ang
pagkakahawak sa kamay ko at inilagay ito sa magkabilang braso ko.

"Are you okay Aki?" he asked, obviously concerned. I shook my head, my eyes tearing
up.

"Someone." I was a having a real hard time speaking. "Stay away. Him. Please."

Nandilat ang mata ni Sed at napatingin sa paligid. He cursed under his breath. I
heard him grit his teeth. Hinatak niya ako papalapit sakanya, hugging me as tight
as possible. But it isn't working. In fact, it just worsened it.

"Sasha!" Sed called out Sasha's name and I was busy telling my mind to shut up.

"Sasha! Fuck."
"Oh bakit?"

"Tell Gabe to stay away. Keep him away as far as possible from Akiko."

"Ha? Bakit na-oh God, are you okay Akiko?"

"Sasha." Sed sounded so impatient.

"Okay, okay. Sige, ako bahala." nagmamadaling umalis si Sasha.

"Akiko, breathe." I shook my head. My lungs are too numb to function.

"Why. Here?" he began soothing my hair with his hand.

"He was invited by someone. I thought he wasn't going to come. I'm sorry." umiling-
iling ako.

"Don't apologize."

"He's gone." I was still crooning at his body. I think I was feeling a little
better but I don't want to let go of him yet.

"Guys, tara na." someone shouted and I let myself take my final breathe in and out
before pushing Sed off me.

"Okay?" he asked and I weakly smiled before nodding.

"Sorry." I apologized. Sed shook his head before pulling me closer to him again and
kissing me on the forehead.

I closed my eyes, letting myself relish his warmth and scent. I buried my face on
his chest and can't help but frown at the questions running on my head.

How long will this last?

How long will I last?

*******************************************
Black Out

*******************************************

Thirty-Two
Black Out

Katulad ng plano namin, kaming dalawa ni Sasha ang nagsama sa isang kwarto. It was
not cheap but it's affordable. It's as big as my room, and my room is big kaya the
price is okay for two nights. Matapos dalhin ni Sed ang maleta sa kwarto namin,
dumeretso na siya sa sariling kwarto niya. I think he'll be staying with Gabe.

Gabe. God, that was a close one. I was pretty sure palapit na siya kanina and I
don't think I would have lasted kung lumapit siya sa amin. No physical contact
needed. Laking pasalamat ko nalang at kasama ko si Sed kanina or else I'm doomed.
But I don't see the difference since I'm doomed in the end anyway.

"Okay ka na ba talaga?" Sasha asked and I smiled at her, offering her nothing else
but a simple nod.

"Pwede naman dito matulog si Sed kung gusto mo, malaki naman yung kama." I grinned
at her.
"Bakit ko naman gustong matulog dito si Sed?"

"Kung sa energy drink, siya ang redbull mo. I swear I won't mind. I think you'll be
more comfortable kung nandito si Kambal."

"Gaga. Okay na itong dalawa tayo. Girl bonding diba?"

Lumawak ang ngiti ni Sasha at tumango sa akin. "Magbihis na tayo, maglu-lunch na

tayo in ten minutes. Excited na nga ako eh! I can finally make rampa of my sexy
body!"

"Sha, do you know that I can make someone's sex appeal increase?" Sasha stopped
from rummaging on her beach bag. Lumaglag ang panga niya at matapos ay
nagmamadaling lumapit sa kama na kinauupuan ko.

"Talaga? Talaga? Paano? Oh my God, ang galing galing naman! Bakit ngayon mo lang
sinabi sa akin yan?"

I nodded, laughing at her. "Hindi ko alam kung paano nangyari. I just can. Part of
being cursed. I think. Not something that I'm really proud of."

She grimaced. "I really loathe that conniving bitch who placed that curse on you.
Nakita mo na ba siya? Buhay pa ba? If yes, then I'll make sure that I'll be the one
to wring her neck."

"Hindi ko na siya nakita. Wala rin akong balita. I wish meron, I'm still hoping
that I'll be... you know, released from her fury. She's probably dead."

"You don't deserve what she did to you Akiko. You were not a mistake. I bet your
mother and father really loved each other and she's just a jealous bitch."
"She's the legal wife."

"Uh-uh. Hindi mo alam ang buong kwento. Bata ka pa nun Akiko. Malay mo hiwalay na
sila nung ginawa ka ng biological parents mo. Where's your father anyway?" I just
shrugged. It's not something that I'm sure but I think my father is already dead,
pero hindi ko nalang sinabi.

"Bitterness aside, anong isusuot mo? Dapat magpa-sexy ka, para maglaway naman ang
kambal ko." tumawa ako.

Apat ang dala kong swimsuit but I ended up wearing my black tube bikini top that
has a few subtle ruffles in front and a simple black boy shorts underneath. I
placed a white and very loose muscle tee shirt that has a huge black printed anchor
on top since kakain palang naman kami at wala rin akong balak magswimming. I'm not
going to tempt fate and push my limit. Sasha let out a long whistle and I just
shook my head at her.

She on the other hand, looked ravishing on her black floral one piece swimsuit. She
had the right curves in right places.

Dumeretso kami ni Sasha sa pagkakainan naming magkakaklase. Sed wanted to drop by

at sabay na kaming pumunta but I just told him na doon nalang kami magkita. I don't
want to hound him too much. And I don't want to look too clingy.

I think Sed already told Gabe to stay away from me as far as possible. Hindi ko nga
siya nakikita ngayon sa paligid eh. I want to sigh because I think my relationship
with Sed is straining his friendship with Gabe. If I was normal, I could be like
Gabe's bestfriend too. But I'm not normal. And I don't think I will ever be.

My appetite wasn't improving and Sed scowled at me for it. I told him I was just
full but the truth is I'm just not in the mood for eating anything, like at all.
After lunch, we hit off the beach. They were all goofing around, even played beach
volleyball. Sinubukan akong ayain ni Sasha maglaro but I just told her that it
isn't my thing. Which is true and volleyball is too much strenous for a girl who's
in enegy conserving mode like me. Sed and I just hit the sideline and watched them
play. They were playing intense that it was so funny, and I enjoy cuddling with
Sed. I love our bubble and I intend to make the most of it.

"Swim?" I heard Sed whisper in my ears as we were watching our blockmates rushing
to the water when they decided they're all sweaty and needed some water. Nakangiti
lang ako na pinapanuod sila. Wala yung iba-I think they were trying to explore the
island, though I don't see how it's possible. Most of them are guys, so I think
they're just trying to go fishing for some hot girls in bikinis.

"Too exhausting." I complained with disgust. I never liked swimming. Like what I
said, hindi ako mahilig sa masyadong nakakapagod na sports. But when I remember how
much I'm sucking the fun out of Sed- "But if you want to swim, you can go. I'll
watch you as you swim for me."

Sed shook his head at me but said nothing. Pinagpatuloy lang namin ang panonood
sakanila at na-guilty naman ako bigla. This supposed to be a fun day for the both
of us and I've been sticking to him like a wad of gum too much. I want him to enjoy
this outing.

Tumayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo namin sa blanket na nilatag ni Sasha. I removed the
muscle tee that I was wearing and dropped it on the sand. I placed my hands on my
hips and stared at Sed who's looking up at me with eyes all widened.

"Tara na?" some of the guys started whistling for a far and I just smirked at them,
my alter ego suddenly brushing on my skin. Shit.

I heard a low growl from the guy whom I'm in love with and it immediately snapped
me out of my trance. That was a close one. I blinked a few times and and cleared my
throat before flashing a grin on my face and pulling Sed by his hand.

"Remove your shirt and let me see your sexy body." I teased. Sed rolled his eyes at
me before doing what I want. Tinanggal niya ang suot niyang shirt and my jaw almost
dropped.

Damn abs.
"Eight? Seriously?" Sed chuckled at me. I felt my legs melting and I gulped hard,
stopping my stupid chest from twitching. "Last one means loser." I quickly ran away
from Sed and embraced the slightly cold water splashing on my legs until the water
reached above my waist. Sumisid ako sa ilalim at inilangoy papunta sa mas malalim
pang part. I was contented when the water reached right above my chest and when I
got up from the water, I was breathing really hard. Damn.

I quickly turned around and concentrated on my breathing. I swear my shoulders are

sagging up and down because my lungs were starting to get really shitty. I closed
my eyes and sighed as it returns back from functioning normally.

A man's scent whipped on my nose. Biglang may humawak sa balikat ko at mabilis

naman akong napatalikod at itinulak ito palayo. My eyes widened when I realized it
was Sed. I blinked a few times.Bakit hindi ko naramdaman na siya yun? It must have
been the sea salt. It's ruining my sense of smell. Mukhang nagulat si Sed sa
pagtulak ko. "I'm sorry, nagulat lang ako. Don't do that."

"Are you okay?" Sed asked and I mentally sighed before nodding at him with a smile.

"Gusto mong sumali sa laro nila?" I cheerfully asked Sed at umiling-iling siya sa
akin.

"Too risky. You'll wear out easily." giving him a light smile, I nodded before
striding my ways towards him and snaking my arms around his back. Ipinatong ko ang
mukha ko sa basang dibdib ni Sed. It was so warm that I want to bury myself into
him and stay like this forever. I wish I could.

"I love hugging you." I told him.

"Really?"

I nodded, smiling. "It's like, for the first time-everything in my life finally
made sense."

Sed just pulled me closer as we stood there, hugging while the waves our splashing
against our tangled bodies. I heard our blockmates hooting from a far but I didn't
care.

Hindi kami nagtagal ni Sed sa tubig. Pagkatapos niyang humiwalay sa pagkakayakap sa

akin, hinawakan niya agad ang kamay ko at hinatak ako paalis ng beach. Pumunta kami
sa kainan, he decided that I should make up for lunch and eat. I just gave in to
what he wants as long as hindi rice ang kakainin ko since I'm not really in the
mood for eating heavy food-and his persuading won't change my mind this time.

It was night time and they decided to go in a club and grab a few drinks. If I was
in my alter ago and not with Sed, I would've probably be the one who orchestrated
it but I can't do that to Sed. Although Sed did convince me to join them. I tried
but I didn't dress to kill like Hedone would have done. I just wore a cute yellow
waterfall summer dress and prepped a little bit, applying lipgloss and that's it.
I'm not planning to look for someone to sink my teeth into, so I don't need to
dress up. And as much as I would love to dress up for Sed, I think he would like me
better in this plain dress.

Sinundo na ako ni Sed sa kwarto and I think Sasha mentioned about Gabe being her
date tonight. I'm happy for her-I just wish I could do some proper introduction
with the love of her life. I felt like hating myself again for that stupid mistake
but Sed came so I didn't have the chance to beat myself for it.

"Gabe... is going tonight, right?" I was hesitant but I need to bring it up and
stop this night club plan. It was a terrible idea and I'd be doomed kapag natuloy
ito. I know I could change Sed's mind. Especially when he knows it will just harm
me. "I don't think it's smart to let me go in a room with-" guys. "Gabe."

Sed squeezed my hand. "Walk at the beach?"

Napangiti naman agad ako at tumango. "I'd love that."

Sed and I walked in the beach. It was dark but everything is peaceful and the night
was so beautiful that I couldn't bring myself to complain about how dark it was.
There were stars on the sky, millions of them and it was so beautiful. I've always
loved the sunset, but seeing the full moon with the starry sky? It was so
breathtaking.

We talked about everything. Well, I talked about everything and he just listened.
Nagsasalita din siya pero hindi kasing haba ng pagsasalita niya last time, pero
kahit ganoon-being with him still feels special. I won't ever trade this night for
anything. Ever. That's for sure.

I stopped from walking when I heard something playing from a short distance. I
tried looking around, looking from where the music is coming from. I smiled. I'm
very familiar with the song playing. It's Alicia Key's singing about when she knew
she's in love. It really suits my feelings for Sed and I really feel giddy hearing
it.

Sed lets go of my hand and did a very gentleman curtsy. "May I have this dance?"

I blushed hard, blinking as he bowed at me and I shakily took his hand. Hinatak ako
palapit ni Sed sakanya, he grabbed my hand and slowly placed it on his nape. He
next slid his hands on my waist, pulling me closer to him. Sed smiled at me, with
his twinkling like he's happy of whatever he's looking at. And it's me.

I think he just took my breath away.

We started swaying. My stomach quivered, my knees are all weak and I'm getting
butterflies. A lot of them.

Mas inilapit niya ang mukha niya sa akin, placing his forehead on mine as he just
stared at me. I nervously bit my lips. I was getting lost in his gray eyes. I don't
think an ocean can compare how deep his eyes were. If I'm able to chose where to
drown in, I'd go for his dreamy eyes anytime.

He grabbed my hand and twirled me around before pulling me again against his body
and returning to our recent position.

"Have I told you how beautiful you are?"

"Tonight?"

"Always." my face flushed.

I tried hard to fight back a smile. "Really?"

"Hm. I think I'm going to keep you forever." I sweetly smiled at him, although I
think my knees just officially gave up on supporting my body. I'm melting over him.
Like-always.

I lifted my face off his, burying my face right above his chest. I wish I could
bury my face on the crook of his neck but I'm not wearing heels to do that-and I
love feeling small around Sed. It makes me feel secured and protected.

And I suddenly had the urge to cry. I wanted to weep on his chest and let him wipe
my tears but I don't want him to see the sadness pooling in my eyes. I don't want
him to see what I'm feeling at the moment. I just want to savor this. The feeling
of being with him. This serenity that I'm feeling whenever we're together.

"I wish I could put this song on loop and just dance with you for the rest of my
life."

"Why would you wish for something that you already have?" inalis ko ang
pagkakapatong ng mukha ko sa dibdib niya binigyan si Sed ng isang matamis na ngiti.

It was such a perfect night that I suddenly don't want it to end. I just want to
keep on dancing with him-staring at him-smiling at him. I want to be with him that
it hurts-that I want to cry. I love him and I don't think I can ever love anyone
else like I love him.

We called it a night, decided to sleep in early. Inaya niya ako sumama magmountain
climbing, actually everyone had planned some set of activities for us to do
tomorrow, but I just told him that I'll be staying with Sasha. That he needs to
enjoy a day alone with the boys, kasama yung si Gabe. He hesitated but in the end,
napapayag ko din siya. Sedrick gave me the sweetest kiss ever that I want it to
last in my lips for a long long time.

Sasha was already sleeping when I arrived in our room. I quietly slipped inside the
room, still daze from my night with Sed. That night, I definitely fell into a deep
slumber with a smile in my face.

*******************************************
Set On Fire

*******************************************
Thirty-Three
Set On Fire

I can feel the fire that was spreading in my skin. It was leaving long trails all
around my body, sizzling and burning me inside and out. It was horrible. It was
painful. I wanted to move my arms and wipe the fire burning on my skin but I can't
move it. Like I had no such energy to cease the blaze all over my body. I'm
helpless. I've never been this helpless. I wanted to scream at the scorching
feeling rising on my throat. I heard someone calling my name. It was a girl's
voice. But I don't know what she's saying.

She continued calling my name and I tried my best to know who the owner of the
voice was.

It was Sasha.

"Aki, wake up." I heard her call me. She touched my skin and I felt like shrieking
at how harsh her touch felt. Her hand sizzled against me and it hurts like hell.

"Akiko? Nag-aaya sila mag island hopping-Akiko." I felt something tapping me. I can
feel it and I so badly want to respond and tap her back but I can't move my body. I
was paralyzed.

I badly wanted to cry. I don't know what to do. I'm dead. I think I'm dead. Oh. My
God.

"Aki-" Sasha stopped from speaking. But how can I hear her speaking?

"Akiko." I moaned. Oh my God. I heard myself moan.

I moaned!
I tried to say something but nothing came out. Not even a word. I groaned but I
think that was it. Sasha sighed. Her sigh felt too loud for my ears. I'm so
frustrated that I want to cry.

"Sige na nga, hindi na kita iistorbohin. Baka napuyat kayong dalawa ni Sed. Saan ba
kayo nanggaling? Tsk. Yung kambal ko talaga." narinig ko pa ang paghagikgik ni
Sasha.

Naramdaman ko ang paggalaw ng kama and I panicked. It was like I was trying hard to
break free. She'll be leaving. I don't want her to leave. I can't let her leave!
But what should I do?

The door shutting echoed in my ears and my hope died. I swear I was crying. I don't
know what to do. The burn inside and out of my body started to maximize again and I
was now dying of thirst. I pushed myself too far. I thought I could handle it but I
was wrong.

I lied to Sed.

I lied when I fed that night.

I went to the club just like he wanted but I didn't feed on anyone. I didn't want
to. It didn't feel right. And now, I'm paying for not sating my thirst. I tried my
best to hide how I was weakening every hour. I was winning it-good at it, even.
Until Gabe. Until he showed up and drained what's left of me. It felt like a bitch.

The fire was eating me alive, swallowing me whole. It felt like it. I was in what's
worse than inferno. I bet hell can't compare to the blaze that I was experiencing.

I let my mind whimper as the flames licked every inch of me, drifting back to my
deepest slumber.

My eyes mentally flinched. I felt my body being shook. I tried to will myself and
open my eyes as wide as I could but again, I failed. I was in no control of my
body. That, I've finally concluded. It was worse than last time. I really did it
this time.

"Akiko, you're worrying me. Please wake up. Please." I heard Sasha's worried voice
again.

Naramdaman ko ang pagbigat ng dibdib ko. Is she trying to listen to my heartbeat? I

tried to listen to my own heartbeat as well but I can only hear a faint sound. It
was soft and not really hearable but it was assuring. I almost let myself be
greatful that I was not yet dead.

"Akiko. Wake up, please. Wake up. Oh my God, why are you so pale? Akiko, please."
Sasha was starting to cry and my heart was breaking at how upset she sounded. I
wanted to comfort her and tell her that everything will be okay but I'm not even
sure if I would be okay.

I don't think I will ever be okay.

"Sed. I need to call Sed." I heard Sasha say and my heart started pounding crazily.
I want to see him but then I remembered my condition-I don't want him near me. I
can't let him be in the same room with me. I won't be able to control myself-I'm in
my lowest. I won't be able to stop. I'm going to take what the body needs to take-
and I can't do that to Sed.

No.

No.

Just no.
What I need is Chase, he knows what to do. He'll send me someone. But-I don't want
anyone. I want Sed. I want him. I'd rather die than to do that to him. I don't want
to be unfaithful. It's worse enough that he fell in love with someone who's damned
like me. I can't put him through that. Not when I'm still breathing.

I tried to say no. I tried to stop Sasha but it was no use. I should have
established that I'm pretty useless right now. I mentally wrapped my arms around me
and let my body sink down and weep.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

Please save Sed from me. Please not him-I can't take him. I can't have a reason to
stay away from him.

"Sed, help me." Sasha was crying.

"Si Aki-Sed, she's not moving. She's not waking up. I tried to wake her up-pero
ayaw niya magising. Sed-I'm scared. She's so pale she looks like she's-" she was
cut off. I heard a little buzz. Sasha was sobbing like someone died. And I think
I'm that someone.

"No, she's still but barely breathing. Her heart is faint. Sedrick, come here
please. I'm so scared for her. Anong nangyayari?"

"Okay, okay." she sniffed. "I'll wait. I'll hold her hand."

"Yes. I won't let anyone in. I'll go out as soon as you knocked."
That's the last thing I heard before my mind wander to the unknown for what feels
like the hundredth time.

I was dead.

I swear to hell I stopped hearing voices.

I swear I don't know what happened after hearing Sasha talk. A bothering masculine
scent tickled my nose and my blood began to slowly circulate. My throat started
twitching again, like it was in pain. Like it was left dry for a year and needed to
be sated properly.

"Aki, baby, wake up." I heard an angel's voice. It was so cool and deep that I
wanted to heart it again and again. Ipinagdikit ko ang mga hita ko. I can feel
myself throbbing down there.

"Akiko, please." again, I heard him. The word him echoed my mind. My blank and
black visions twirled and I dawned at the word him.

It was Sed.

Oh my God.
Sedrick.

"Noooo!" I groaned, feeling my lungs heavily breathing in and out again. It was
heaving so fast-like I have ran for a thousand of miles and I'm thirsty. I gulped
as Sed's scent whipped in my nose again. My stomach trembled and my whole body
shuddered at the thought of having him around. I want his skin near mine. I want to
taste his lips again. I want to bite his lips, savor our kiss and let me have my
way to pleasure him and take every drop of his energy off him. I felt my own self
licking my lips, moaning at the closeness of our bodies.

"Aki." I heard him again, it was like music to my ears. I smirked and my mind went
blank. I opened my eyes and I think it surprised him. My heart melted at the way he
smiled at me but it disappeared when he stared at my eyes. I know what he can see.
It was empty and cold. There was no one in. It caught him off guard, and it made me
smirk larger at him. I slowly snaked my arms clasped my arms around his nape and
pulled him down me, meeting his lips and clashing it on mine.

Power buzzed inside my body and I groaned as pleasure vibrated from my skin and
his. He was hesitant, obviously having a hard time and wanting to let go of me but
I didn't let him. I released my scent, it wasn't intended but it didn't work on him
so it doesn't matter. I smirked as I placed kisses on his lips, caressing his arms
with my hands. I licked his bottom lip with my tongue and he groaned, supremacy
hummed in my body and my blood was singing for joy. My throat was slowly clenching
its thirst but still not enough.

I stroked his tongue once, twice. It took him five strokes when he finally
responded and a part of me clicked. My eyes widened and I tried to push him off me.

"No, Sed. Please-Go away. No."

Nagulat si Sed sa pagtulak ko sakanya and my throat started burning again. I

shrieked in pain. It became much worse. Because I stopped taking what it wants,
it's punishing me. I grabbed my throat and I think a tear slipped down my eyes as I
try to die the blazing need a little.

"Sed. Go. Out. GO!" I shouted and screamed again, holding my pounding head and Sed
shook his head.
"No, Aki-I can't leave you." lumapit sa akin si Sed at parang napaso ang balat ko
sa paghawak niya sa akin. My blood sang at his touch. My body was responsive and I
think it's under his spell. My body is under every guy's spell.

"Sed, I can't." I cried, shaking my head pero hindi niya ako iniwan.

He cupped my cheeks and leaned in my face to place a deep and passionate kiss on
mine. I've never kissed him this deep and long before. We never dared-afraid that
it'll harm me so much. Right now-I'm torn between feeling him and pushing him away.
I badly ache for him. Not just my needs-but really ache for him. I cried.

"Wrong. So wrong." Sed didn't answer but he just kept on kissing me with an
intensity that we never had before. It was like a rain in the desert. An ice cold
water on a hot afternoon. He was fulfilling what my throat is craving. What I am
craving.

I smiled as he slipped his hand on the hem of my shirt and pulled it off me. I
don't know how we managed to remove or tops without stopping our kiss. I've never
taken my top before. Between me and the guys, they are usually the one who gets
stripped and it doesn't include the top wear. It's not important after all. But
with Sed-I want this with him. I want it so bad even when I know it's wrong.

His hand brushed on my breasts and I arched in pleasure. I've never had a man touch
it before. It was too intimate-it will make me lose control and I can't afford
losing control. But I don't have any control right now. I was not in my proper
mind. My body is controlling me-not my brain.

"Sed. Feel you. Please." I moaned but Sed kept on ravishing my bosoms and I was
dripping in between. I had enough. I want to feel him inside me. I want all of him.
I grabbed his hair and pulled his face in front of mine, kissing him again in the
lips. My mouth parted and our tongue started clashing and tasting against each
other.
So good.

So damn good.

How we were both left naked, I don't know. All I know is that Sed kissed me on the
forehead before sinking inside me as I scream in pain. "Sorry, sorry." Sed
continuously apologized as tears poured off my face. He stopped for a while, while
having a hard time breathing as he wiped my tears off my cheeks. He kissed my eyes
and then slowly plunged in. He paused and I let myself get used to him inside me.
It was painful but now, it was starting to feel nice to have him around me. He went
up and I panted.

"Love you. Love you." he breathlessly whispered and right there, I want to cry. I
want to feel-and I'm feeling. But my needs-my need to pleasure him dominated my
mind. I wanted to savor every moment but I want to take what I need from him.

I grabbed right above his waist and thrusted him inside me. He growled at the force
and I whimpered when I realized it still hurts. Sed hushed as he continued the
choreograph until the pain was replaced by pleasure and I was feeling content. My
inside was bursting.

I was taking more-much more. More than I have ever taken from anyone and I couldn't
stop myself from it.
"Oh." my breath hitched when I felt something coming inside me. My eyes shut close
when it was released-I had no idea what it was but it was the greatest, the most
magical thing that I have ever experienced. It was so special that I want to cry.

Relief, joy, happiness washed over me but Sed wasn't finished yet. He thrust down
one last time and he let his body fall on top of me.

He had a very ragged breathing, obviously tired from our performance.

We did it. We really did it. I wanted to be happy because he took me. He claimed
what's his. But I realized I had no reason to be happy. Soon, I'll be weakening
from being around him and my smile immediately dropped.

"Sed." I called his name, waiting for him to say something. I tapped his shoulder,
trying to call his attention but he wasn't saying anything or moving at all. I
pushed him off me, rolling him on the bed. I stared at him as tears immediately
dwelling in my eyes. I gasped.

"Sed!"

*******************************************
Awake

*******************************************

Thirty-Four
Awake

I quickly sat up, dressed myself with Sed's shirt as tears started flowing down my
eyes. "Sed, you're not the one who's fucking cursed. Please don't do this to me."
I begged.

I waited for him to respond, say anything, moan or growl-whatever-anything that

could assure me that he's alright. My body started to become cold as fear started
eating me alive.

What if I over did it? What if he's dead?

My eyes widened and I placed my ear on top of his chest, listening for a heartbeat.

Thump.

I let myself relax a bit.

Thump.

My tears stopped from spilling and I wiped it off my face. He's okay. His heart is
normally beating. Is he just sleeping?

Or maybe he fell into coma, just like the other guys.

No. My heart grumbled in protest.

But I know it's possible for him to be in coma. Hindi ko na-control ang sarili ko.
I probably drained him. Just like how I drained the guy I sent into hospital. I
cringed at the possibility that he might not wake up... and it's all because of me.

Tears started spilling again. I shook my head, standing up as I walk straight to my

bag. I need to call Chase. He'll help me. He always do. I'm scared. I'm so scared.

Please wake up Sed. Please. Please.

This is all my fault. Everything happened because I was too stubborn to listen to
him. I pushed myself to the limit and didn't even think of the consequences. I was
selfish and greedy that I didn't even thought of the negative impacts.

I noticed how it's almost six. I chapped my teeth on my bottom lip, still staring
at the unconscious Sedrick.

Sasha's going to be mad at me again. They are all going to blame me and I deserve
it. It's all my fault. I'm nothing but a mistake.

I'm a fucking mistake.

I should have died when I was a child.

I wish I had never been born.

"Aki? Anong balita?" I heard Chase from the other line and I started breaking down
again. Sobs uncontinuously released from my mouth and I can't take it back.

"Chase." I weeped.

"You're crying. What the fuck happened?!"

"Please come here. Take a plane. Please. Help me. Si Sed-he won't wake up. Chase-
he's still breathing but I killed him. I did this to him Chase. I'm sorry. I'm
sorry. Sorry."

"Akiko. Breathe. Stop crying. What happened? Tell me what happened?" I shook my
head even though he can't see it. I tried to calm myself down but I didn't stop
myself from crying.

"I was supposed to feed but I lied to Sed, I went to club and pretended that I did.
Kaya ko lang naman nagawa yun kasi ayaw kong masaktan siya. I got weaker. I lasted
for a month but yesterday-Gabe got close to me and it drained me. I didn't wake up
the whole day. Naririnig ko kung paano ako gisingin ni Sasha pero hindi ako
magising-gising. Sed came-Sasha called him. Pagkaatapos-hindi ko napigilan ang
sarili ko. I tried to push him but he didn't leave. I-I'm sorry."

"Fuck. I'm going. Now. I'll be there in two hours sharp."

"Anong gagawin ko?" I am lost and he knows it.

"Call Sasha, leave the place and text me where you are."Chase hangs up and I bolted
to grab my suitcase. I wore a fresh sundress that I haven't worn, glad that I
didn't unpack. Tinawagan ko si Sasha at mabilis na pinapunta sa kwarto. Natutuwa
siya dahil nagising ako but I cried Sed's name and she was immediately worried.
Hindi niya ako agad sinisi. Nagmamadali siyang pumunta sa kwarto and I took that
time to sit beside Sed.

I'm running out of time.

"I love you. I'm sorry, please wake up for me? I won't forgive myself if you don't
wake up Sedrick. So wake up. Please." I leaned in and planted a soft kiss on Sed's
forehead. I expected him to flinch. To open his eyes. But he was as still as a dead
pe-no.

The door slammed and it made me stand up straight. Sa akin unang nakatingin si
Sasha, at pagkatapos ay sa maleta na hawak-hawak ko. I can't help but feel like
crying again, especially that I know that it's my fault but I stopped myself.

"Sasha, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." Sasha's eyes widened and she took baby steps
on her way to what used to be my bed.

"Is he-"

"No! No! He's still alive."

Nakahinga siya ng maluwag. "What happened Akiko?"

"I-I lied to Sed. He convinced me to feed last time pero hindi ko siya sinunod.
Nagpanggap lang ako na ginawa ko para hindi siya magalit sakin. Sinubukan ko naman-
kaso hindi ko talaga magawa sakanya ang bagay na yon."

"That's why you've been acting weird these past few days." I nodded.

"I was trying to hold on. But when Gabe show up-it drained me. I was literally dead
when you tried waking me up Sasha. Believe it or not. My heart is still beating but
if my body's need isn't sated, I will forever be unconscious. Then Sed came. I
already told you how I'm not in my proper mind when I'm hitting low right? But I
did try to stop. I told him to go away. A bunch of times but he doesn't. Want. To.
Go. I'm really sorry. This is all my fault. Sorry." I apologized again and again
and Sasha was breathless.

"Sorry that my brother loves you?" she asked and I shook my head. I meant sorry for
sending chaos to their lives pero hindi ko na nakayanan magsalita pa. "Never
apologize for loving someone."

"Sorry." it slipped my mouth again.

"Don't. I'm not. And I'm sure Sed is not sorry too. My brother is smart, he knows
the consequences of his action. I'm not sorry that my brother loves you Akiko."
tumango-tango ako.

"He's not going to die right?" I bit my lips.

"I-don't know. But-when this happened to me before, the coma only lasted for two
days. But I'm going to find a solution. I won't stop. I promise." Sasha nodded and
she pulled me in for a hug."Are you leaving?" she asked and I nodded again.

"I don't want to but I can't be with him-I'll drain. Darating si Chase dito, in two
hours. He'll help you. I'm sorry Sasha. If Sed wakes up, please tell him that I'm
sorry."

"You won't see him?"

"Can't. Remember?" Sasha look pained.

"I'm sorry this bullshit happened to you." she solemnly said.

"I'm sorry too."

It took Chase more than two hours bago siya makapunta sa akin. He looked tired when
I finally saw him and I was able to accept his hug without spilling any tears.
Pagkaalis ko sa kwarto, dumeretso lang ako sa isang resto bar na pinakamalapit sa
beach. Naabutan ko yung sunset kaya pumunta nalang ako sa seashore para panoorin
ang paglubog ng araw. I wish I could spend this moment with him. I wish I could
watch it with Sed.

Paano kung hindi na hindi na namin mapanuod ito at hindi na siya magising ulit? Yun
agad ang naisip ko. I don't deserve to live. I don't think I can live once anything
bad happens to him. As the sun goes down, wala akong ibang hiniling kundi sana-
paglitaw ng araw... magising na si Sed.

Sana, bukas-maging ayos na siya.

Chase and I caught a flight back to Manila as soon as I felt okay to travel. It was
a good thing I have my valid I.D with me. Tinanong ko siya kung anong nangyari kay
Sed. Kung nagising ba pero umiling-iling lang siya sa akin. Tinawagan niya agad si
Gabe at sinabihan kung anong gagawin kay Sed. Maaga palang ay pinapunta na sila ni
Chase sa Batangas pier dahil doon may magsusundong driver na maghahatid sakanila
papuntang Manila.

Hindi muna ako dumeretso sa bahay at nakitulog muna kay Chase for the night dahil
paniguradong magugulat sila Mams at Dads sa bahay sa oras na umuwi ako ng hindi pa
allotted day. Paniguradong magtataka at mag-aalala yun. At wala ako sa sarili ko-
mahahalata lang nila na may mali sa akin kaya mabuti nalang na kay Chase muna ako
makituloy.

"How's Sed? Is he awake?" agad kong tanong kay Chae, pagkabukas na pagkabukas niya
ng pinto sa guest room. Pagkatapos niya akong ibaba sa bahay nila at siguraduhin na
wala akong balak magpakamatay-dumeretso siya sa pinagdalhan kay Sed. Hindi ko alam
kung saan dahil hindi ko rin tinanong. I was tempted to come but I stopped myself
before I can even open my mouth.

Chase sat down on the bed, sighing. "Hindi pa. We can't exactly bring him to the
hospital you know. They'll be confused kapag wala silang nakitang mali kay Sed. I
offered my condo because according to Sasha, magsusumbong ang mga katulong nila sa
bahay sa parents niya kapag nalaman ang nangyari kay Sed. And she's not exactly
ready to say all of this craziness to her parents. God, Akiko. What were you
thinking?"

I bit my lips and tears started to threaten my eyes.

"Hindi ko naman sinadya eh." iyak ko dito at mukhang nagulat si Chase sa pagluha
ko. Matagal-tagal narin simula ng makita niya akong umiiyak. He looked in panic
pero hinayaan ko nalang tumulo ang luha ko. I let my rules rest for the moment. It
was completely useless anyway.

"Gabe saw the blood on the bed sheet Aki. You had-damn, you know your situation
Akiko. Why did you risk your self and Sed that way? I can't believe you could be
that irresponsible."

"Wala ako sa sarili ko! I tried to stop okay?! I managed to push him away! Pero
hindi siya umalis. I wasn't that strong but I don't want to blame Sed for this.
You're right. This is all my fault. All of this wouldn't happen to me if it weren't
for my stupid curse! Kung sana-itinuloy nalang natin yung plano nung gabing yon,
wala na sanang ganitong nangyari but I got scared! I was selfish. For the first
time in my life-I got selfish and thought of myself-of how sad I'll feel kapag
nawala si Sed sa akin.I'm stupid and I'm sorry.

"I'm sorry for even thinking that I had the right to love him."

Bigla akong humikbi at napatakip ako ng mukha ko. I was forcing my tears back to my
eyes but it wasn't working.

"I'm sorry for being stupid enough to think that I deserved to be loved just like
how he loved me."

"No, Akiko." Chase sighed and I shook my head.

"No Chase. You're right. It is my fault. You're right. I'm stupid. Gosh, I'm so
stupid-I even thought that I could finally have my happy ending." inalis ko ang
takip sa mukha ko at tumingin sakanya habang patuloy ang pagtulo ng mga luha sa
mata ko. I know I look pathetic crying like this in front of him but I let myself
drown in my own tears. I let him see every pain.

"I just-never felt that happy you know. I was happy with him. He made me feel like
I'm just a normal girl who deserves everything good in the world even when I
don't." I sobbed. "Not even a speck. I deserve nothing but hell, chaos, torment,
and shit."

Hinatak ako ni Chase sakanya at mahigpit na niyakap. Isiniksik ko ang mukha ko sa

leeg niya, not caring if nababasa ko siya ng luha ko. I need Sed to stop myself
from hurting-but I can't have him.

"Is it really wrong for me to wish that I have my happy ending?"

"Please stop talking, stop thinking. Please just stop hurting yourself." he pleaded
quietly and I shook my head.

"I deserve to feel every hurt in the world but do you know what I deserve the
most?" Chase shook his head.

"Stop it Akiko. Stop self-loathing. Sed wouldn't want you to think any of that.
It's not your fault. If I could only do anything to fix your situation-I would. If
I could only stop you from feeling anything-I would. You're the most amazing girl
that I have ever met Akiko. You're my bestfriend, and you don't deserve any of
this."

"Maybe I do deserve it. Maybe she's right. Maybe I'm really nothing but a sin."

"Just stop talking." he hissed and I bit my lip.

"Please tell me that he'll be okay. Please tell me that he'll wake up. I can't lose
him that way."

"He'll be okay, Aki. He'll be okay." Chase pulled me closer, caressing my arms as I
continuously sobbed on the crook of his neck. I wish I could believe him. I wish I
could just fool myself into thinking that he'll be really okay.

I wish.

*******************************************
The Last Something That Meant Anything

*******************************************

Thirty-Five
The Last Something That Meant Anything

I grabbed the cup of coffee after handing over a few bills to Emily. She smiled at
me and I returned the favor before returning back to my table. I sighed as I
finally rested my legs from the long and cold walk. I let myself enjoy some coffee
before leaving the shop's protective warmth. Nagsimula na ulit akong maglakad
pabalik ng apartment, letting my own mind wander as I mindlessly walked in the
pavements. The cold wind blows right through the thick layer of clothes that I was
wearing and I shivered. I've been here for three weeks, and I'm still not used with
the negative temperature because it was never like this back in the Philippines.

Dumeretso agad ako sa elevator pagkapasok ko sa building ng apartment, pressing the

third floor and finishing my coffee in between. Pumasok na ako sa loob ng room
after unlocking the door with my duplicate key. I sighed as warmth embraced my skin
again.

"Akiko?" I heard him call my name at nagmamadali ko namang itinanggal ang ugg boots
ko, leaving me with my thin socks. I removed the shearling coat that I was wearing
and hang it over on the coat rack. I caressed my sweater, desperate to warm myself
even more. I groaned.

"Remind me not visit you during the winter season." I replied back as my chuckling
brother went out of his room.

"You were the one who insisted to go here, remember?"

Umirap ako agad sakanya. "That's something that you don't need to remind me." I
paused. "And for the record, I also insisted to come here because you didn't want
to go home."

"Oh, so you're blaming me for getting your bum frozen? Last time I remember, you
were pleading Dads to come here because you were trying to avoid something that I
shouldn't be speaking of."

"Funny when you said I shouldn't be speaking of right after mentioning it." I
rolled my eyes.
Tumango-tango si Kuya. "And that was exactly my intention. Aki, you'll be leaving
in tomorrow and I'm not going to let you leave without hearing whatever your
problem is."

"Wala akong problema."

"Wala? You went here looking like a zombie and until now, you look like you only
exist."

"Gee. Thanks for noticing that I exist." I mumbled under my breath and Kuya Jax
just gave me a look. Huminga ako ng malalim at matapos ay ngumiti ng napakalawak
sakanya before saying a word.

"Okay lang ako kuya, okay? Wala akong problema."

"You may be good at lying, but I know when you're
remember? I was the one who broke your shell." he
ako sakanya at ipinalupot ang braso ko sa katawan
chest. I let myself cherish feeling the warmth of
really enjoyed hugging anyone-other than... Damn.
hiding something from me
pointed out and I nodded. Lumapit
niya, burying my face on his
a brother's hug. I've never

"No matter what happens, you know that I will always be here for you right?" Kuya
Jax murmured on my head and I felt myself smile at his words. Humiwalay ako ng
yakap kay kuya at pagkatapos ay tumango sakanya.

"I wish you could go home and spend new year with us."

"I wish I could but I already told you guys that I'm also busy. I'm still working
on my thesis."

I sighed and nodded. "Moms will be so bummed na hindi kita kasama pauwi."

"She'll live." sabi nito at napairap nalang ako. "Gotta go. May kailangan pa akong
gawin sa library, you could come with me if you want." I shook my head at him.
"You'd bore me to death, you nerd."

"Whatever. Tell me kung aalis ka, don't forget to lock the door okay? Bye." he
kissed me on my forehead and I felt my heart constrict in my chest when he did.
Mabilis na umalis si kuya kaya hindi niya napansin ang reaksyon ko. I frowned,
scolding myself for reacting that way. Parang hinalikan lang naman ako sa noo. But
now that I'm alone-I can feel every memory flashing back. I cringed.

After what... After what happened that day-Kuya Jax called and I saw a way out. I
told Moms that I want to visit Kuya Jax. Pinayagan naman nila ako at laking tuwa ko
nang makaalis ako ng Pilipinas. I knew it was only for a short time-and that I'll
be back soon but it felt great to be away from the pain. I just needed an escape
and I grabbed the first opportunity that came into my way.

I left the Philippines, hoping that I'll get away from everything but it still
managed to haunt me in Seattle. Even in my dreams. Every night, I'll be screaming
and shouting because it felt too real. Every night, Kuya Jax will come into my
room-comforting me and telling me that it was all dream. But it wasn't a dream. It
happened. It was memories. Everything that I see when I'm asleep, it all happened.

Sometimes I would still cry, even in the good ones. I can see Sed and me dancing
under the moonlight on the beach. It was so beautiful that I would still end up
screaming, wishing that it was never taken away from me. I knew it will end up as a
disaster but I ignored every warning and let myself spoil myself with false hope.

I will never get my happy ending. Because this isn't a fairytale. And I don't have
a prince. I used to think I have one, but I ended up ruining him-ruining what we
both had.

No one can save me anymore.

Naramdaman ko ang pagtulo ng luha sa pisngi ko kaya mabilis ko naman itong

pinunasan. I bit my bottom lip and shook my head, clearing my mind from those sad
thoughts. Kaya nga umalis ako ng Pilipinas para hindi ko siya maisip. Para hindi
maisip ang bagay na nawala sa akin pero heto ako ngayon, pilit na inaalala siya. I
can be so stupid and martyr when I put my mind into it sometimes.

Later that night, Kuya Jax took me out on a lovely dinner. Malamig man pero dinala
niya ako sa Space Needle. My Seattle experience will not be complete without it,
that's what he said. Nakalibot na kasi kami sa iba, like yung parks, lakes, zoo and
museums whenever may free time siya pero hinuli namin ang Space Needle. There's a
restaurant called SkyCity inside kaya doon kami kumain.

"We're now officially 605 feet high." sabi ni Kuya Jax at ngumiti nalang ako
sakanya. "Gusto mo bang pumunta sa labas?" sinundan ng mata ko ang tingin niya and
I looked at the people near the railings. Another memory flashed in my mind and I
shuddered.

"Oh, sorry. Takot ka nga pala sa heights." mabilis kong ibinalika ng tingin ko kay
Kuya Jax.

"Not anymore." biglang napataas ang kilay niya.

"Talaga? Paano naman?" ngumiti siya sa akin pero hindi ko ibinalik ang ngiti niya.
I returned my attention the what's outside and sighed before answering his
questions.

"Someone made me realize that it's okay to fall." I unconsciously muttered which
obviously amused my brother dahil tumawa siya bigla, snapping me out of my
thoughts.

"At a six hundred and five feet building?"

I threw him a dagger. "Smartass."

In the end, lumabas rin kami at pumunta ng observation deck para tingnan ang view
mula sa taas ng Space Needle. He said na nakapunta na siya dito countless of times
and it never fails to mesmerize him everytime that he would come here and I can see
why. It was wonderful up here. My eyes were filled with tall building and lights. I
almost caught my breath.

I've never felt so tall before.

I let myself in take the enthralling view. I almost cried at how lovely it looked.
It was cold but the sight was definitely worth getting myself frozen. I heard a
gasp from my left and I saw a woman who was staring at a paper harshly floating in
the mid air. I looked at her pain reaction and I can see myself in her. I looked
back at the paper watched it be taken by the wind. My heart crippled.
If there's something that I know best, it is how familiar I am about the feeling of
being given something and experience that something taken away from you. I knew it
first hand and it hurts.Kuya Jax figured that we both had enough of the view and
called it a night since I still need to sleep and pack my things tomorrow. Or maybe
he just felt how heavy I was feeling and decided to be smart about keeping his
mouth shut about it.

Pagkauwi ng bahay, inaya muna ako ni Kuya na uminom saglit. And by uminom, it means
alak. He decided that it was cold and we need something to warm us up. I
immediately agreed because I really needed a booze. Pagkatapos namin uminom ng tig-
isang bote at manuod ng movie, pumunta na kami sa sarili naming mga kwarto at
natulog. Kuya Jax's roommate, fortunately, went to his home to celebrate the rest
of the holidays.

Inihatid ako ni Kuya Jax sa airport, he gave me a bear hug and I gladly returned
it. Matagal-tagal pa ulit bago ko makita si Kuya. Depende nalang kung maisipan
niyang umuwi sa Pilipinas but I promised to him that we will go to his graduation.
Travel time from Seattle to Manila is approximately thirteen hours and fifty one
minutes. Hindi pa kasama ang pag board and all.

I don't know if I'm ready to go home. I don't think three weeks are enough to erase
the pain in my heart. I'm not yet ready to forgive myself and forget. I don't even
know if I want to forget. I just want to get rid of the guilt and let myself be
happy.

Sinubukan kong panuorin ang kung ano mang nagpe-play na movie but my mind can't
seem to process anything at the moment kaya mas pinili ko nalang na matulog. I was
too nervous to eat something. I was holding my breath the whole flight, my defenses
on guard. I even jumped when my phone rang.

"Nakababa ka na ba?" yan agad ang bati ni Chase sa akin at nakahinga naman ako ng
maluwag.

"Yes, nasa baba na ako ng letter Z." I rolled my eyes at the phone, looking at the
other side before crossing. Natanawan ko agad si Chase. Who would miss a gorgeous
guy like him?

"In fact, nakikita na kita ngayon. Stop frowning." I told him and he frowned even
more. Itinaas niya ang ulo niya at hindi ko alam kung nakita niya na ako dahil may
suot siyang shades.
He removed it and I swear I can hear the girls around him gasp. I laughed when I
saw an annoyed look on his face, shaking my head when I finally caught his eyes.
Lumakad na siya papunta sa labasan at sinalubong ako. He gave me a tight hug and I
wrapped my arms around his neck. Narinig ko ang pagbuntong hininga ng mga babae sa
amin at napangiti naman agad ako.

"Okay?" he asked as soon as he released me and I just nodded at him. I'm so lucky
to have him.

"Kung nang-uuto ka para sa pasalubong, wala kang mapapala sa akin." sabi ko sakanya
at umirap naman siya.

"Let's just go." kinuha niya ang luggage cart na tulak-tulak ko and we started to
walk down the parking lot.

"Dapat kasi sa taas mo nalang ako sinundo." I nagged and he shrugged.

"Gusto ko maranasan yung baba."

"Whatever." I sighed.

"Do you want to eat?" he asked.

I twitched my lips, scrunching my nose at the thought of eating something. My

stomach still feels a little silly. "No."

"Do you want to go home?" I shook my head again.

"I don't feel like going home yet."

"Then where do you want to go?" huminto kami at umikot naman si Chase para ilagay
ang bagahe ko sa trunk ng sasakyan niya. I let my mind wander but I already know
where I wanted to go. The whole way home, I was already thinking about it. Nung una
ayaw ko pang puntahan pero ngayon... I have the sudden need to go. I need to face
it. There's no need in denying it anymore. There's only one thing left to do, and
it's to accept it.

"I need to see him." I paused and then looked at Chase who was already starting
back at me. "I want to go there."

"Are you sure? You're tired." umiling-iling ako.

"I've been sitting in the plane for fifteen hours. Spare me the tired from my
flight shit." nagbuntong hininga si Chase at matapos ay isinara ang trunk niya
before walking to my side, holding the car door open for me.

"Fine, we'll go." marahan akong ngumiti kay Chase. Pumasok na ako sa loob ng
sasakyan at tahimik na umupo sa loob.

The whole ride was silent. He didn't ask anything about Seattle. Maybe he figured
that I needed some silence to prepare myself from where we're going. I sighed,
feeling a little lightheaded the whole way. It took us a little longer dahil sa
traffic.

Pagkarating sa lugar na gusto kong puntahan, tahimik lang kaming pareho ni Chase.
It was too quiet for my liking but it was better. I needed the silence. I needed to
hear my own mind.

I went to Seattle, avoiding this emptiness inside me and it worked-at least a

little but when I left, I knew I couldn't avoid it anymore. I can't run away from
my problems forever, that-I know.

I wish I could but it's impossible to escape from life.

Even after life, it'll still manage to haunt you.

Huminto kaming dalawa sa paglalakad at naramdaman ko ang paglamig ng buong katawan

ko. My heart dropped as a hole began carving on my stomach. My breathing stilled
and I think my heart just stopped beating.

Until now, I still can't push myself to believe it.

I blinked and a tear fell from my eye.

I blinked one more time and another followed.

I let myself blink for the last time and I couldn't stop it anymore. It started
falling and I let it fall.

I stared at the tomb in front of me and cried. I cried and cried, bawled my eyes
out until there are no tears left but it was just impossible. I was crying non stop
as the emptiness filled my heart, my mind and my whole body.

I cried at how I can't turn things back.

I cried at how life doesn't have an undo button.

That day, I cried.

______

At dahil mabait ako, March nalang last update.

*******************************************
Epilogue
*******************************************

Happy Pre-Valentine's Day!

WALK OF SHAME PLAYLIST

Walk of Shame - P!nk (story's song title inspiration)

Diva - Beyoncé (Aki danced to in a club)

Fall - Ed Sheeran (Lyrics painted on the wall, sang by Aki on their date)

Three Cheers For Five Years - Mayday Parade (first lyric that Aki texted)

Miserable at Best - Mayday Parade (second lyric that Aki texted)

Thunder - Boys Like Girls (Aki's note on a box of crayon)

Oh Well, Oh Well - Mayday Parade (Aki's note on a bottle of gatorade)

We Can Try - Between The Trees (Aki's note with chocolates)

Terrible Things - Mayday Parade (Aki's text after staying away from Sed for a week)

End - Secondhand Serenade (Sed's note to Aki on their basketball game)

Be Your Everything - Boys Like Girls (What Sed played to Aki before her art
competition)

Vulnerable - Secondhand Serenade (Sed played to Aki)

Two is Better Than One - Boys Like Girls (Sed sang to Aki to comfort her)

Kiss Me Slowly - Parachute (Sed played in the car on their way to their wall)

Pour It Up - Rihanna (Aki danced in a club to feed)

That's When I Knew - Alicia Keys (song they danced with under the moonlight)

Awake - Secondhand Serenade (title song)

The Last Something That Meant Anything - Mayday Parade (title song)

Thank you for reading and supporting Walk of Shame! I really enjoyed writing this
one. So far, eto yung story na pinaka-proud ako na ginawa ko.

Hope you'll read my other works and my other upcoming works. I'm going to make sure
that it'll be all read worthy.

Marami-rami akong balak gawin this year, hopefully maging productive pa ako lalo sa
pagsusulat.

Lovelots

ciao

Epilogue

Tinitigan ko ang mapulang alapaap, blinking my eyes at the beauty of the sky.
Nothing can compare to this beautiful view and I know I will never get tired of
looking at it. Matapos kong umalis sa mapait na lugar na yon, dumeretso na muna ako
sa bahay para magpakita kayla Moms at Dads dahil paniguradong nag-aalala sila sa
akin. Chase left after eating late lunch over our house.

Pinagkwento nila ako ng mga ginawa namin ni Kuya sa Seattle and I told them
everything that we did. I gave them the gifts that Kuya Jax bought for them, and
they were happy about it. Binigay ko rin kay Chase yung pasalubong ko sakanya. I
bought him a miniature display of Seattle's Space Needle. Pagkatapos 'non, hinayaan
na ako nila Moms at Dads na magpahinga muna sa kwarto ko.

That same day, I decided to go out. Nagpaalam ako kay Moms at Dads na lalabas lang
ako saglit and they just asked me kung nakapahinga na ako ng maayos na yon. But to
be honest, I'm not tired. After what happened a while ago, hindi na nakuhang
magpahinga ng utak ko.

Right now, I just want to see the sunset. I sighed and closed my eyes while raising
my head up at the infinite sky, blocking out every noise around me.

"Four letter word." my eyes flashed open when I heard the loud voice of Martin
Johnson, the vocalist of Boys like Girls started booming somewhere. My whole body
froze and my heart's beat started pacing up.

"But I don't have the guts to say it." I looked at where the sound was coming from
and I heard it on a random stall's speaker, from a short distance. My chest
constricted and I breathe in.

Umiling-iling ako at matapos ay mapait na tinawanan ang sarili ko. I bowed my head
and gritted my teeth at how silly I was for being affected with a simple song.

Who am I kidding? It wasn't simple. It's a song that he first played for me. I felt
another pang in my heart. I shook my head, dismissing my thought to avoid from
spilling tears again. Pag-angat ng ulo ko, tumingin lang ulit ako sa palubog na
araw at pinilit ang sarili kong ngumiti. I know why I'm itching to come here again.

Alam ko kung bakit kahit sa Seattle, pinipilit ko si Kuya Jax na panoorin namin
ito. I know why I needed to see the sunset. Because I want to have a reason to
smile even when I wanted to cry at the end of the day.

After the good eight minutes, my cheeks hurt and my smile finally dropped. My tears
dropped as well. I bit my lip and covered my face with my hands. I wiped the tears
off and calmed myself.

God. I'm so pathetic.

Napaayos ako ng pagkakatayo nang marinig ko ulit ang isang kanta na alam na alam
ko.

"Right there." it was Alicia Keys' voice.

Nagsimula nanaman ang mabilis na pagtibok ng puso ko. "In a middle of a

conversation Wasn't anything special you said It was just there."

Just as I turned around, I saw a familiar figure from a far and I caught my breath.

THREE WEEKS EARLIER

I was left in our house alone which I preferred. I was tempted to visit Sed. I was
tempted to see him and hug him and kiss him until he wakes up but that would kill
me.

It had been three days and he still hasn't opened his eyes. Hanggang ngayon,
natatakot parin ako. Natatakot ako na baka tuluyan na siyang hindi magising.
Natatakot ako na hindi ko na siya talaga makita ulit. Binabalitaan ako ni Chase
pero dahil wala naman nangyayari, hindi siya tumatawag sa akin. Nagtetext lang siya
pag tinetext ko siya kung may balita ba (which is every passing second).

I can't do anything but sit down and wait. I'm tired of waiting. I want him to wake
up. I'm praying-wishing for him to wake up. I'd be honored to receive another
curse, a different punishment-magising lang si Sed.

A knock blared from our door, it was so quiet that I heard it upstairs and it made
me me jump from my bed. Nagmamadali akong bumaba ng hagdan at buksan ang pinto. I
was wishing it was Sed. Wishing that he came to say that he was alright but it
wasn't him.

And it wasn't Chase either.

In fact, it wasn't anyone that I expected to see.

My heart stopped beating and my eyes widened at the striking person that I saw from
the door. It was her. Bigla akong nanigas sa kinatatayuan ko at parang naputol
bigla ang dila mula sa bibig ko. I couldn't find it in me to speak.

"Akiko." she said with the softest voice ever. Not from what I last remember. It
was more serene and calm this time.

"W-What are you doing here?" my voice shook. Bakit hindi? It has been thirteen
years but I can't still but feel afraid of the woman who ruined our life. My life.
Nakahanap ako ng lakas ng loob at itinaas ang noo ko. "Are you here to curse me
some more?" I sounded like a lamb trying to act courageous.

I'm not even near courageous. I'm scared, I'm so scared. I need Sed. He can protect
me. That's what I used to think. But he can't even protect me from myself. And I
even put him into danger.

"You've grown into a strong, intelligent and beautiful woman, Akiko." her words
caused me to shiver.

"What are you doing here?" it came out a whisper. She smiled at me, and it was like
a blade was put into my throat-still and waiting for it to be sliced.

"I'm here to return something back." my forehead creased but I'm still holding my
breath, waiting for her next blow but she said nothing. May kinuha lang siyang
isang maliit na envelope at matapos ay inabot ito sa akin. Hindi ko ito agad
kinuha.

Tinitigan ko ito at matapos ay ibinalik ang tingin ko sakanya.

"Ano yan?"

"Take it." kinuha niya ang kamay ko at matapos ay inilagay ang envelope dito. She
nodded at me, like she was encouraging me to open it.

Out of curiousity, I followed what she wants when I should be running away from
her, locking the door and keeping myself safe away from her. I opened the lip of
the envelope and my eyebrows turned into a deep v line when I saw strands of hair
inside.
"Ano 'to?" she just smiled at me. A memory came flashing in my head. I absent
mindedly held my head-an area where someone grabbed some hair from. I can still
remember the sting of getting my hair pulled. My eyes widened.

"My hair!" I gasped and she grinned at me.

"It's yours, you can have it back."

"I don't get it." umiling-iling ako.

"You're free, that's what matters." it clicked. What she said clicked in my mind.
I'm free?

"What do you mean I'm free? You cursed me remember?"

"That's why I'm returning what I took from you."

"Why did you even take it in the first place? Because I was a mistake?" I spat. I
know I shouldn't say anything that would get her mad but I can't stop feeling
violent emotions towards her.

"I took it because I didn't want you to end up like your mother Akiko. You were too
young to understand but your mom-she sells her body for money. And I don't want
that to happen to you-"
"So you chose the most convenient way and let me be a slave for man's pleasure for
free?"

"No Akiko. I just did that to prevent it from happening. It was bound to happen.
Hindi ka man naniniwala, pero totoo. I just needed you to guard and protect
yourself, which you did. Unlike your mother-despite of your situation, you learned
to respect yourself. I just didn't want something like that to happen again. I just
wanted you to meet someone who could accept your flaws-someone who you'll love and
unconditionally love you back in return.

"You don't know how happy I am that you finally found the man who will love you for
the rest of your life."

"I don't understand." umiling-iling ako. "You were so mad that day. You killed my
mother."

She looked offended. "I am a woman filled with pride but I am not a killer Akiko.
It was your mother's time. And when I came to your house and cursed you, hindi ko
ibinalak na ituloy yon. I'm not a witch you know." she laughed. "But when your
father... Well, your father passed away-he asked me to take care of you. Na wag
kang hayaang lumaki na katulad ng iyong ina. He told me to treat you as my own
daughter but I knew I couldn't do that. You were my husband's proof of
unfaithfulness but I loved your father so much that I still took care of you in the
only way that I can."

"My father's dead?" I gasped. Hindi sumagot agad si Winona pero alam ko na yun nga
ang sinasabi niya. Patay na ang tatay ko. At hindi ko man lang naalala kung nakita
ko siya o nakasama. I don't even know his face.

"Take care Akiko." tatalikod na sana siya pero mabilis kong hinawakan ang braso
niya.
"Wait-what will happen next?"

"You get to love someone and accept the same love in return."

"But what about the curse?"

"It has been reversed. It will be as if there wasn't a curse."

"What about Sed?"

"What about him? He'll wake up. Now, everything is up to you. I just wish you'd
learn to value your feelings. True love only comes once in a lifetime. So when you
find yours, never let it go."

PRESENT

It has been three weeks since the curse had been lifted but I chose to stay away
from Sed. I still love him. I know I still do-but I can't be with him. I knew he'd
be looking for me the moment he wakes up that's why I asked Moms and Dads if I
could visit Kuya Jax. So I could avoid seeing him.

And I was right.

Chase called me and told me how Sed woke up-he asked for me the moment he opened
his eyes and Chase also told me how Sed was broken when he found out I left for
Seattle. He thought I left for good but when he found out that it was only for a
couple of weeks-he managed to smile.

I caused danger to his peaceful life. I brought him to his deathbed. I don't
deserve his love and I don't think I can bear it kapag may nangyari sakanyang
masama dahil sa akin. Once is enough. I'm not going to let it happen again. Kahit
na masakit. Kahit na hindi ko kayang wala siya. Kahit na ang gusto ko lang gawin-
ang makasama siya.

After three weeks, ngayon ko lang ulit siya makikita. And I can't believe that he's
really in front of me. I blinked a few times, not trusting my brain. Minsan kasi
nai-imagine ko na nasa harap ko lang si Sed pero imagination ko lang yon. But he's
really here.

He's real.

I felt my tears rising up my throat and I gulped it down. I don't need to cry. I
won't cry in front of him. Lumapit siya sa akin at halos nahirapan na akong
huminga. Ganoon parin ang epekto niya sa akin. I can hear my own beating heart
inside my chest. It was drumming so hard.

"Where have you been?" he asked and that made my tears fall down incessantly.

"Somewhere." I whispered and Sed raised his hand up. He stroked the side of my face
and I closed my eyes at the feeling of his touch. It made funny things to my
stomach.

"I've been waiting for you."

"You weren't supposed to wait." I answered and Sed sighed. Hinawakan niya ang braso
ko at matapos ay niyakap niya ako ng napakahigpit. I silently sobbed, biting my
lips to stop every whimper threatening to come out of my chest.
"Don't run out on me again, please."

"I'm not right for you Sedrick." I felt him shook his head, and he just pulled me
closer.

"You're the only thing that's right in me."

"I almost killed you." binitawan ako ni Sed at matapos ay tinitigan ng masinsinan
sa mga mata. I was melting at the way he stared at me with his glassy gray eyes
that I truly missed.

"You don't want me to die?" I shook my head, still sobbing.

"No. I don't."

"Then don't leave me." that's the time when I allowed myself to cry as hard as
possible. "Life without you is like facing a thousand of deaths. I hate facing
death." he said with pure disgust and he smiled, wiping the tears off my cheeks.

"You're stupid." I spat at him and he chuckled.

"Stupidly in love with you." my tears stopped from spilling and I a giggle bursted
out of my mouth.
Sed grinned at me before stepping back and taking something from his pocket. He
opened his palm and my forehead crumpled as I stared at the inanimated object
resting on top of his palm.

Kisses.

I stared at the single kisses on his palm as my mind strolled down into the memory
lane. I thought of everything that happened these past few months.

Few months ago, I was pretty sure that I wasn't meant for love. That I'm not
redeemable. That I can no longer be saved. I even swore that I would die sad and
alone. And now, I'm staring at the guy that I also swore I could spend my lifetime
with.

"True love only comes once in a lifetime. So when you find yours, never let it go."

I frowned at Sed, closing his palm and it made him frown.

Few seconds later, I smiled, pulling him closer for a long and passionate kiss.

He was caught off guard but it didn't take him long to answer. I felt his arms
snaking its way on my waist and I let my hands cling on his nape.

I know I said how I wasn't meant for any prince. I also know how I mentioned that I
won't get my happy ending because my life wasn't a fairytale.
And I'm right.

This isn't a fairytale but I'll still get my happy ending.I wasn't destined to any
prince, because I was meant for him. No, this isn't a fairytale. This is my life,
and it's real.

*The End*