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Division of Health Sciences

Using grammar to improve your

academic writing
2014
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Outline
For the Division of Health Sciences

• Features of academic style

• Using impersonal & objective language
• Using tentative language
• Vocabulary and terms
• Level of formality
• Using more nouns
• Practice activities
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Academic style
For the Division of Health Sciences

Activity 1

• Compare the two pieces of writing

• What are some differences between the two?
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Academic style
For the Division of Health Sciences

I think that the internet has really affected public services like hospitals.
If you look at what happens now you will see a doctor who works in the
city uses the internet and amazing robots lots more to operate on
patients living in the countryside. This means that he can look after
patients living in the country which means that they have fewer
disadvantages than in the past when they needed services.

The internet has had a profound impact on public services such as

hospitals. For example, city doctors may use the internet, in conjunction
with robotics to perform operations on rural patients (Adler 1994, p.
266). This diminishes the traditional disadvantages rural patients have
had in terms of access to service.

What are some differences between the two pieces of writing?

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Spoken vs. Written language

For the Division of Health Sciences

How does the language change from spoken to written texts?

Compare the first two sentences.
• I think that  removed
• has really affected  has had a profound impact on
• like hospitals  such as hospitals
• If you look at what happens  For example
now, you will see
• a doctor who works in the city  city doctors
• uses  may use
• the internet and amazing  the internet in conjunction
robots with robotics
• to operate  to perform operations
• patients living in the  rural patients
countryside
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Academic style
For the Division of Health Sciences
What are some features of academic writing?
• Impersonal & objective writing
• Tentative or qualified writing
• Formal vocabulary
• Technical vocabulary
• More nouns & fewer verbs
• More concise
• Gender neutral language
• Passive voice
 e.g. remove ‘I’ ‘amazing’; based
on evidence (Adler 1994)
 e.g. may use
 e.g. really vs. profound
 e.g. robots vs. robotics
 e.g. operate vs. operation
 say what you mean using less
words
 avoid using ‘he’ or ‘she’ when
you are talking about all people
 helps to remove ‘I’ e.g. ‘I
educated the patient about….’
vs. ‘The patient was educated
about….’
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Impersonal writing
For the Division of Health Sciences

X ‘I, me, my, we, our’ (1st person)

X ‘you, your’ (2nd person)
Activity 2
X Then I will discuss the discharge planning for the patient.
√ The discharge planning for the patient will then be discussed.
X You can read further about this in Smith and Jones (2012).
√ Further discussion of this topic is found in the work of Smith
and Jones (2012).
X Overall our group developed effectively in the area of …
√ Overall the group developed effectively in the area of…
X I recommend that the patient be referred to...
√ It is recommended that the patient be referred to ...
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Tentative or qualified writing

For the Division of Health Sciences

• definitely will -> may, might, could

• in all cases, every time -> generally, in most cases, on average, in
general
• all -> some, the majority of, many, several
• always -> regularly, often, usually, sometimes
• it will, it does, everyone thinks -> it is likely, tends to, appears to, it
is suggested, it is generally acknowledged

Activity 3

– All students will find their first clinical placements challenging.

– It is generally recognised that some students often find their first
clinical placements challenging.
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Formal & technical vocabulary

For the Division of Health Sciences

• get -> obtain, gain

• collarbone -> clavicle

Activity 4
– Stick the needle into the guy’s stomach.
– Insert the injection into the patient’s abdomen
area.
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Full forms of words

For the Division of Health Sciences

Activity 5
Not academic Academic ?
don’t
won’t
haven’t
can’t
?
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More nouns than verbs

For the Division of Health Sciences

• treat (v) -> treatment (n)

• research (v) -> research (n)
• contribute (v) -> contribution (n)

Activity 6
Compare the number of verbs used:
– Researchers are finding better ways to treat the
disorder. They are using the results of the current study
to help them.
– Research into more advanced methods for the
treatment of the disorder has utilised the results of the
current study.
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More nouns than verbs

For the Division of Health Sciences

• treat (v) -> treatment (n)

• research (v) -> research (n)
• contribute (v) -> contribution (n)

Activity 6
Compare the number of verbs used:
– Researchers are finding better ways to treat the
disorder. They are using the results of the current study
to help them.
– Research into more advanced methods for the
treatment of the disorder has utilised the results of the
current study.
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More nouns than verbs

For the Division of Health Sciences

Activity 7

Example sentence:
The government decided to open a new clinic in the outer
suburbs and this was welcomed by the residents.

Change the sentence and start with ‘The government’s

decision…’
-> The government’s decision to open a new clinic in the
outer suburbs was welcomed by the residents.
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More nouns than verbs

For the Division of Health Sciences

Activity 8

Example sentence:
Drug-resistant kinds of bacteria are emerging and this is
worrying health experts.

Change the verb ‘are emerging’ into its noun form to

start a new sentence.
-> The emergence of drug-resistant kinds of bacteria is
worrying health experts.
(Adapted from Pakenham 2005, p. 212)
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More nouns than verbs

For the Division of Health Sciences

Activity 9

Example sentence:
The pharmaceutical company disposed of the chemicals
which contaminated the local supplies of drinking water.

Change the verb into its noun form to start a new

sentence.
-> The disposal of chemicals by the pharmaceutical
company contaminated local supplies of drinking water.
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Passive voice
For the Division of Health Sciences

Activity 10

• I prepared the room for the treatment of the

patient.
• The room was prepared for the treatment of the
patient.
• The authors suggest...
• It is suggested that...
• You can see the results in the following table:
• The results can be seen in the following table:
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Active vs. Passive

For the Division of Health Sciences

Activity 11

Providing Health Education

Health professionals can provide health education
programs on a variety of topics to groups, individuals or
communities. Practitioners need to plan the group
programs carefully before they implement them. If you
decide to establish a health promotion program, you must
base it on the assessed health needs of the people; also,
you must set specific health promotion goals. After you
implement the program, you must evaluate the program
outcomes.
(Adapted from Kozier et al. 1995, p. 265)
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Active vs. Passive

For the Division of Health Sciences

Providing Health Education

Health education programs on a variety of topics can be
provided to groups, individuals or communities. Groups
programs need to be planned carefully before they are
implemented. The decision to establish a health
promotion program must be based on the assessed health
needs of the people; also, specific health promotion goals
must be set. After the program is implemented, program
outcomes must be evaluated.
(Kozier et al. 1995, p. 265)
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Put it all together

For the Division of Health Sciences

Activity 12

At first lots of people were visiting the community clinic so

the managers introduced health education workshops.
But after they reduced the opening hours of the clinic the
number of people going to the workshops dropped.
(Adapted from De Silva Joyce & Feez 2004)

What can you change in this writing to make it more

‘academic’?
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Put it all together

For the Division of Health Sciences

Change the language first.

• At first (adv) – initial (adj)
• lots of people were visiting – popularity (n)
• were introduced (v) – introduction (n)
• reduced (v) – reduction (n)
• number of people going to the workshops –
attendance numbers (n)
• dropped (v) – a drop (n)
(Adapted from De Silva Joyce & Feez 2004)

What cause/effect relationships can you identify?

What language can you use to explain this?
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Put it all together

For the Division of Health Sciences

At first lots of people were visiting the community clinic so

the managers introduced health education workshops.
But after they reduced the opening hours of the clinic the
number of people going to the workshops dropped.

The initial popularity of the community health clinic led to

the introduction of the health education workshops.
However, the reduction of opening hours caused a drop in
the attendance numbers.
(Adapted from De Silva Joyce & Feez 2004)
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References
For the Division of Health Sciences

De Silva Joyce, H & Feez S 2004, Developing Writing Skills Book 2, Phoenix Education,
Albert Park, Victoria.

Kozier, B, Erb, G, Blais, K & Wilkinson, JM 1995, Fundamentals of nursing: concepts,

process and practice, 5th edn, Addison-Wesley Publishing, Redwood City, California.

Pakenham, KJ 2005, Making connections, Cambridge University Press, Cambridge.