Running head: EXPERIENCE OF BEING OUT-GROUPED 1

Experience of Being Out-Grouped

Critical Reflection Exercise #3

Madison Schaefer

Loyola University Chicago

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For most of my life, I have been fortunate enough to find myself among members of the

“in-group”. I am privileged by my white skin, economic well-being, heterosexuality, and many

other majority identities. I am even privileged in my ability to admit that I had to truly ponder

about a situation in which I was in the out-group. However, I recalled my unfortunate

experience with my roommate last year and immediately felt distressed. I thought that we were

friends, as we hit it off very well at Orientation and in the first few months of school. Her

friends became my friends and I was finally beginning to feel at home when, out of the blue, she

decided to isolate me. She ignored my presence entirely, began to make plans excluding me, and

treated me like I was nothing. This experience left a lasting negative impact on my freshman

year. I was already having a tough time adjusting to college academically and now, my social

situation was beginning to crumble. Being out-grouped lead me to question my worth,

confidence, and who I truly am, which was something I had never really struggled with before. I

felt powerless and silenced because I was alone in the out-group and felt that I had nowhere to

turn since all of my friends were still close with her. As aggravating as this experience was and

as much will-power as this took, I decided to remain the bigger person and treat her with respect,

even though I was not getting any in return.

In retrospect when I consider the situation, it is apparent that stocks of knowledge were at

play. Since my roommate and I are not the same person and do not see the world in the same

way, situations were perceived in many different ways. For instance, I came to find out that she

believed I was “clingy” when really, I simply had a hard time making friends and genuinely

thought that we had a strong friendship developing. This experience truly helped me understand

the importance of acknowledging social location in everyday life. I became fully aware of the

notion that we, as people, were brought up a certain way and our different life experiences shape
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our perceptions on the world and how we view others. There are two sides to every story

however, it is important to respect that the other story was interpreted as it was for a cognitive

reason we cannot explain. Additionally, ideology and hegemony can be seen when considering

the role of our friend group. My roommate, who seemed to be the leader of our assemblage,

created an ideological norm in treating me poorly and the remainder of the group, although they

did not mimic her act, stayed silent. I have had two friends after the fact admit that they

recognized what was happening and did nothing about it, which proves that they bought into the

hegemonic norm established. Social location may have also played a minor role as I was the

only non-suburban member of our clique.

In the future, if I ever find myself among the out-group in the future, I will do something

about it immediately. I intend to reflect on the situation and consider my behavior and how that

could be perceived by the other person. If I realize my actions led to a justified reason for my

out-grouping, I will assess myself and ponder how I can make positive personal changes that

would welcome me into the in-group. However, after consideration, if I stand to believe that my

actions are sound and I am unjustly being placed in the out-group, I will challenge myself to

question the narrative and speak up for my rights. I am a firm believer in avoiding passiveness

and addressing situations head on before they are handled immaturely or become too messy.

However, when experiencing an out-group phenomena, this is a difficult mantra to uphold as

exclusion leads to silencing. In some instances, when bringing up the situation to the

counterpart, they may come to realize I have been unintentionally out-grouped and begin to

immediately change their ways. However, the out-grouping could very well be intentional. If

this is the case, I would cultivate a dialogue in which I attempt to understand why the in-group

feels this way towards me and help them understand why I believe it is wrong. By directly
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addressing any future situations, I can ease my own mind and in turn, possibly educate others on

the implicit biases or flawed perceptions they may possess.

However, I acknowledge the fact that solutions to out-grouping are not always as easy as

I have expressed above. Many people are out-grouped due to individualities they cannot control,

such as race, gender, sexual orientation and religion. One cannot simply change who they love

or the color of their skin in order to become a member of the in-group. The issue of out-

grouping and discrimination is an example of ideology and hegemony and cannot be changed by

the flip of a switch. Major issues like these often leave me to feel helpless and that there is not

much that I can do to make a difference. However, I have come to realize that the more

gratifying the problem, the more I actually can do to erase it. I must acknowledge any biases I

possess and consider if these lead me to unintentionally out-group someone. I should speak out

against instances in which I see out-grouping occur when I am simply a bystander. If we all just

sit and watch, waiting for someone else to make the change, it will never ensue. I would like to

challenge myself to lead by example by living my life with empathy, considering how ideology

and hegemony are at play in all social situations, and continually questioning what I can do to

help those perpetually finding themselves in the outgroup. However, through it all, I must

recognize my privilege and how I can use this notion to fight for those who are not as lucky as I

am.