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Viyah : Marrying A Family

“Viyah” a Punjabi term for marriage. What is marriage in general? “A
legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a
personal relationship”. Whereas in India we can say that it is a legally or
formally recognized union of two families. A daughter has to build up a
strong relationship with her mother-in-law to sustain in a relationship
with her husband or else get destroyed.
With the changing era, women are becoming self-dependent. An
increasing number of women chose to live separately with their
husbands. The reason behind is the drastic behavioral changes in
mother-in-laws.
Privacy issues and compatibility issues are the common issues a one
can observe. In most of the case studies the reason behind the conflicts
between mother-in-law and daughter is either the over-protective
behavior of mother-in-law towards his son or the self-dependency of
daughters.
We approached few newlywed women to ask how the things are
between them and mother-in-laws. Topping the list is the issues stated
above. There are more reasons why this percentage is getting higher
that we will discuss and will provide solutions for.

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Reasons:
 Insecurity Issues
 Dominance
 Sharing Love
 Changes In The House
 Decision Making
 Privacy
Insecurity Issues:
In many cases a woman was blamed for influencing her husband to take
decisions as how she wants not as what her mother-in-law wants. In
India there are people who think that a woman is meant to handle the
household things and a man is meant to work. Which is why most of the
newlywed women had this common reason where their husbands are
allowing them to work but not their mother-in-law.
Whereas in some cases we found that the mother-in-law is the
‘powerful’ woman of the family who managed everything is addicted to
manage everyone’s life. The mother-in-law expect their modern bahu to
be like them only, they should follow the old school things to build a
relationship with everyone.

How To Deal With It?

It is a human nature, if a person is holding and managing everything

since ages and someone comes to take over things then there will be
insecurity. You can deal with it gracefully without setting a fire at all
places.
 Try to talk to her politely and make her believe that she is your
another mother and you respect her.
  Try to do things the way she says initially, you can later tell her the
‘new trick’ you have discovered.
 Try to share both you and your husband’s views in decision
making.
Dominance:
A different outlook of a young, progressive woman has been found as
another common problem. “Initially, a mother-in-law is happy to see her son
married. But after a while, insecurity creeps in. A mother-in-law is used to
running the house in a certain way, and feels threatened if the daughter-in-
law wants to make changes” says Dr. Gittanjali Saxena, a relationship expert.
It is displeasing for a mother-in-law to watch a new age woman working and
not sitting at home like she use to when she was once a daughter in law.

How To Deal With It?

You cannot make everyone happy all the time.

 Try to become a helpful hand whenever you have holidays and
when you come back from work.
 Take 15 minutes off your schedule and just spend that time with
your mother-in-law. Maybe she just wants to share her day with
you.
 Try to convince her that working will not affect the house and you
will be dedicated towards house equally.
Sharing Love:
Her son only loved her and obeyed her all the time. Now that the new
person he has chosen for himself. The love that her son use to give her
has been taken away by the wife. Which disappoints her a lot.
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How To Deal With It?

 Try make this insecurity disappear as soon as possible.

 Take help from your husband and tell him about it. Ask him to help
her in making your mother-in-law understand this.
 Try to share a portion of your love with your mother-in-law just like
you do with your own mother.
Changes In The House:
A mother-in-law has spent many years building a home like the way it is
now, and now that a daughter-in-law is here to take over. Not all the
mother-in-law accepts changes easily, they feel unwanted. Which is why
misunderstanding occurs and lead to conflict filled relationship.

How To Deal With It:

 Before making any change ask your mother-in-law for her advice.
 Ask how the things she has been doing, how the things are done.
Decision Making:
Mother-in-laws are usually habitual of making decisions on behalf of
their son. Sharing this power with someone makes them insecure. Now
that there is a companion in his life he has to make decision taking the
suggestion from his wife. Some understands it and some doesn’t. Where
the mother-in-law understand they don’t react and who doesn’t they
create problems.

How To Deal With It?

 Try to make decisions as if she is making it.

 Make your husband understand what you need in a way that your
mother-in-law doesn’t get offended.
  Put your opinion in front of your mother-in-law, maybe she will
support you.
Privacy:
Every couple needs a privacy and it is the mother-in-law who needs to
understand that now your son is married to someone he loves and he
has his own personal life. An interference will affect their relationship.
There are some mother-in-laws who are really interested in knowing
about everything their son is doing in his own partner time.

How To Deal With It?

 Try to tell her firmly that she needs to respect the privacy and is
not allowed to interfere in their times.
 Even if she don’t get the thing, ask your husband to make her
understand.
 Don’t be disrespectful but let her know the limits.

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