Sharma 1

Kanika Sharma

Teresa Hamilton

English 137H Section 012

29 October 2018

If You Like It Then You Should Put a Ring On It

Imagine marrying someone that you only met once a week ago. This sounds absolutely

absurd to us as Americans in 2018. In the past, however, this has been the case for people who

got arranged marriages in Delhi, India. Arranged marriages can be defined as a type of marital

union where the bride and groom are selected by individuals other than the couple themselves,

generally family members, such as the parents (Mody). In the modern day, it has changed greatly

from what it was in the past. It can be thought of “setting up” two people due to similarities

whether they be in the two people’s personalities, backgrounds, or upbringings. The term “love”

marriage arose in India to refer to marriages that were driven by two individuals’ love for one

another rather than their families’ decision for them to wed one another (Mody). People who are

unfamiliar with this Indian tradition have a misconception about arranged marriages, generally

looking down upon them as a forced martial union, which is what they were in the past. With the

growth of liberal opinions in Delhi, India, arranged marriages transformed from a forced

relationship that was motivated by the caste system, dowries, and child brides to marriages based

on either love or similarities in the personality and upbringing of the bride and groom. The

advancement of technology in India and shift reflects the online matchmaking services that took

place of matrimonial advertisements and parental figures organizing the marriage.

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Causes for the shift:

Legislation was a factor that changed arranged marriages in the way that it altered the

factors considered for a suitable groom. Dowries were payments from the bride’s family to the

family of the groom that were once common with traditional arranged marriages in Delhi, but no

longer (Srinivasan and Lee). In historical times, the dowry served as a form of inheritance for

women, as men were the only ones entitled to work, inherit money, or it also served as a method

to compensate the groom’s family for the economic support that they would provide to the wife

after she weds the groom and joins the his family (Srinivasan and Lee). This demonstrates how

dowries were initially created for economic reasons, but they later began to belittle women as

they were viewed as a large monetary sum. With women joining the workforce, dowries were

reflected outdated ideologies and officially became illegal in India with the creation of the

Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961 (Srinivasan and Lee). The shift away from the belittlement of

women with dowries can be traced to after 1961. With this legislation, dowries are currently

illegal in Delhi, demonstrating how arranged marriages shifted away from the use of dowries as

India underwent social advancement.

In the past, arranged marriages were oftentimes forced and involved child brides. Child

marriages were driven by old tradition, as it was believed that girls were women as soon as they

began to menstruate, and marriage was viewed as the next logical step to womanhood. Child

marriages were extremely harmful in the way that they increased the infant mortality rate,

created an imbalance in the male to female ratio, and caused a drastic population growth. With

these discoveries, child marriages in Delhi were immediately stopped with the Prohibition of

Child Marriage Act of 1930 that set the legal age for marriage as 18 for women and 21 for men
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(“Courts Still Confused about Legal Age of Marriage?”). With the discovery that child marriage

was harmful to India, the consequent legislation contributed to the social progression away from

child marriages.

Historically, social caste was a factor of consideration in marriage, as those in the highest

caste wanted to maintain their social status for later generations. After the creation of the 1955

Untouchability Act, discrimination against social caste was illegal (Srinivasan and Lee). With

this legislation, social caste was no longer a factor considered in planning an arranged marriage.

The legislation was created due to the unethical discrimination of the caste system. The shift

away from caste consideration in arranged marriages can be traced to 1955.

Immigration outside of India caused a shift away from arranged marriage, as the number

of interracial marriages increased. With people outside of India, they were being influenced by

cultures of other countries that do not practice arranged marriages. Being in an environment in

which an arranged marriage is a foreign concept, the shift away from traditional marriages was

inevitable. These interracial marriages are even reflected in celebrity couples like Shashi Kapoor

and Jennifer Kendal, Preeti Zinta and Gene Goodenough, and my personal favorite Nick Jonas

and Priyanka Chopra (Jaitly). With the great popularity of celebrities, Delhites are influenced to

also marry cross racially since celebrities are doing so. In 1990s, for example, Indian immigrants

would still mainly marry within their race, but as of now approximately 80% of Indian-American

marriages are now interracial, intercultural, and interfaith within the US (“Almost 80 Percent

Indian-American Marriages Are Now Interracial or Inter-Faith.”). Indian immigration reached a

peak in the past five years, emphasizing the shift away from traditional arranged marriages and
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toward interracial marriages (“Almost 80 Percent Indian-American Marriages Are Now

Interracial or Inter-Faith.”).

Increased gender equality arose with co educational facilities and the Dowry Prohibition

Act of 1961. Co educational facilities allowed Indian women to receive education equal to that of

Indian men, which gave them equal opportunities professionally. With this increase in women’s

rights, marriages began inspiring the husband and wife to both complete household work and

earn an income. With this social progression, love marriages increased as a compatible match is

essential in order for the husband and wife to be effective in working professionally and

completing chores. Prior the the Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961, daughters were viewed upon as

a burden, as they were a constant reminder of the large monetary sum that the family would have

to pay for her marriage (Srinivasan and Lee). With the creation of this legislation, the

government was increasing gender equality and preventing unethical rationale for marriage.

Ultimately, the shift away from traditional arranged marriage was caused by the lack of

women’s rights with the injustice of child marriages, forced marriages, and dowries. A modern

day arranged marriage is either a love marriage or a marriage that arranges two people based on

the similarity of their upbringings. The shift is evident with the number of love marriages in

Delhi tripling over the past seven to ten years (Trivedi). The legislation and increase in women’s

rights demonstrates how the shift away from outdated practices can be traced to 1960s. The

increase in immigration reflects how interracial marriages contributed to the shift away from

arranged marriages and can be traced to the early 2000s.

Tracing the Digitalization of the Shift:

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The growth of technology in the daily lives of Delhites resulted in a shift away from

traditional matchmaking services. One of these traditional matchmaking methods included

matrimonial advertisements, which were advertisements placed in a matrimonial section of the

newspaper. On these advertisements, a spouse-seeking individual would provide a short

description of themselves and what they were looking for in an ideal partner (Sarbeswar). These

matrimonial advertisements were used most commonly in the 1920s, despite being first created

in 1875 (Sarbeswar). Although not as common as they were in the 1920s, matrimonial

advertisements still exist in Delhi, but are rare. In addition to matrimonial advertisements,

Matchmakers were used in organizing a traditional arranged marriage. Known as nayans, the

matchmaker serves as a third party that leads communication between the bride and groom’s

families. The nayan considers family background, economic position, general character, family

reputation, the dowry, and other family matters when making the match. With an increase in

Indian emigration, having a professional matchmaker was inconvenient; consequently, virtual

matchmaking sites replaced matchmakers due to their convenience. This shift can be traced to

the 1990s, as this is the time when virtual matchmaking websites, like Shaadi.com and Bharat

Matrimony, began to arise and Indians began immigrating to the US in large numbers

(Dholakia). By the year 2003, around 200 websites were created for Indians as virtual

matchmaking sites (Sarbeswar). The matchmaking process became even more modernized in

2013 with the phone application DilMil. DilMil is similar to popular dating application Tinder,

but with an intended target audience of South Asians. Founders of DilMil KJ Dhaliwal and

Sukhmeet Toor describe the application as a way for South Asians “to preserve their cultural and

religious heritage” (Escobedo). The purpose of this application reflects modern arranged
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marriages in the way that it matches people based on their cultures. The shift away from

matchmakers and matrimonial advertisements correlates to the beliefs that caused shift of

arranged marriage. Matchmakers and matrimonial advertisements used to consider factors like

caste and income, which reflect how arranged marriages were oftentimes forced, unethical, and

unreasonable in the past. The newer matrimonial advertisements and phone applications are

models of modern arranged marriages, in which two people are set up based on their cultural

values.

Analysis of the Shift:

The benefits of modern arranged marriage demonstrate how arranged marriage is

completely acceptable, so long as the marriage is not forced, and the bride and groom have

ample time to get to know one another. A study between relationship outcomes between those

with modern arranged marriages and those with love marriages revealed that there was

absolutely no difference in the satisfaction of their marital relationship (Dholakia). One

advantage of arranged marriages is that that it decreases the difficulty of going through deciding

a suitable groom and the whole dating process, which can be tiresome. There’s no “I’ll never

find anyone” feeling, as the spouse is chosen for you. Another advantage is the spouse is

generally chosen by a trusted family member that understands what the person getting married is

looking for in a husband or wife. Here’s how to think of it: your parents are probably some of the

people that know you the best, so you know you can trust their judgement of a potential spouse.

Despite these advantages of arranged marriage, there are disadvantages to arranged marriage.

Although the divorce rate in India is one of the lowest in the world at 1%, the divorce rate does
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not reflect the possibility of domestic violence or forced financial dependence on the husband

(Dholakia). Unfortunately, these are very real possibilities that could exist in arranged marriages

and cannot be accurately measured due to social stigmas.

On the other hand, love marriages are advantageous in the way that it is affirmed that

both people are compatible with one another. Another advantage is that when two people of

different cultures marry, it creates biological diversity when they have children (Mody).

Disadvantages of love marriage include potential disapproval from family members, and a higher

possibility of divorce. There should be no debate about love marriages over modern arranged

marriages or vice versa, as both types of marriage have their various benefits and disadvantages.

Since having a modern arranged marriage is up to the choice of the bride and groom, this type of

martial union should not be looked down upon as long as the marriage is based on ethical and

reasonable terms.

The shift away from traditional arranged marriages was driven by ideology. Traditional

arranged marriage entails a marital relationship focused on the socio-economic statuses of the

bride and groom more than their compatibility or happiness with one another. Furthermore, the

consideration of socioeconomic status promotes discrimination against social caste. It also

creates a cycle of poverty, as those who are rich marry within the same socioeconomic class.

This creates a cycle of poverty for those in a lower socioeconomic, as they are forced to marry

someone within the same socioeconomic status. The increase in love marriage has prevented this

issue of cyclical poverty.

Western cultures influenced the shift away from arranged marriages, as arranged

marriages originate from South Asian culture. Over time Delhi has been influenced by the US
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through clothing, social media, political views, and just the overall US culture. With this

prominent influence, the influence of Western marriage was inevitable to becoming common in

Delhi. In addition to the influence of Western culture, the legislation that banned outdated

arranged marriage practices played a crucial role in moving the shift forward.

Popular culture within Indian television shows and Indian movies discuss the topic of

arranged marriages. Hindi television show ​Love Marriage Ya Arranged Marriage?​, meaning

love marriage or arranged marriage, was a 2010 Indian soap opera that explores the differences

between love marriage and arrange marriage through the main characters Shivani and Mansi who

possess contrasting views on marriage. ​Meet the Patels​ is a 2014 American documentary that

showcases the struggles of Dev Patel to find an Indian girl that he is both interested in and whom

his parents will approve of. ​Love Marriage Ya Arranged Marriage?​ draws attention to the

differences in modern arranged marriages and love marriages. “Meet the Patels” brings a

comedic approach to the contrast between the parent’s perception of marriage, which entails a

modern arranged marriage, versus Dev Patel’s perception of marriage, which is a love marriage.

Popular culture reflects what society is currently embracing, and both these types of popular

culture explore and recognize the shift away from traditional arranged marriages. These forms of

popular culture, therefore, further emphasize and embrace the existence of this shift. ​Love

Marriage Ya Arranged Marriage?​ and ​Meet the Patels​ received exceptional ratings online, as

people watching these found them entertaining due to their relatability. The relatability of the

television show and the documentary demonstrate how the shift was extremely evident in 2010

with the release of ​Love Marriage Ya Arranged Marriage?​ and continued to be evident in 2014

with ​Meet the Patels.

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Implications of the Shift:

Based on current trends, Delhi’s society is going to continue to shift away from

traditional arranged marriages. Although the focus of this paper was on Delhi, an urban part of

India, traditional arranged marriages that involve outdated practices still continue to be practiced

in the rural parts of India. The rural parts of India are heavily influenced by Delhi, and they will

eventually follow Delhi as a model and begin following the more modern practices there.

The shift of arranged marriage is important to understand, as western cultures, including

the US, have adopted similar matchmaking means of “setting two people up.” Matchmaking

focuses on matching two individuals based on their background, whether it be their culture,

religion, or in their place of residence. These exact factors are considered when trying to match

two candidates on American dating services like Where White People Meet, Christian Mingle, or

even Tinder. This shows how idea of matchmaking in the context of arranged marriages has been

borrowed by other cultures.

Researching the topic of arranged marriages was important to me, since I wanted to

understand more about arranged marriages with them being such a prominent part of India’s

history. With an Indian origin, I wanted to educate myself with India’s history. It is important for

others to also be aware of this topic, as I believe that it is also important for others to educate

themselves about other cultures. Ignorance towards other cultures is important to prevent any

offensive misconceptions from arising, which do exist for arranged marriages. The shift will

impact Indian society in the way that the shift grow larger. A continuation in the shift away from

arranged marriages will increase economic variation, as socioeconomic status would not be a
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factor considered in the relationship. It would also create biological diversity, as it would create

an increase in the number of intercultural, interreligious, and interracial relations, even within the

various cultures in India. People around the world are embracing this shift with the number of

successful love marriages and modern arranged marriages.

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Works Cited

Abbas, Anjum, et al. Love Marriage Ya Arranged Marriage, Sony Entertainment Television

India and Sony Entertainment Television Asia, 6 Aug. 2010.

“Almost 80 Percent Indian-American Marriages Are Now Interracial or Inter-Faith.” INDIA

New England News, 11 Mar. 2018,

indianewengland.com/2018/03/almost-80-percent-indian-american-marriages-now-interr

acial-inter-faith/.

Dholakia, Utpal. “Why Are So Many Indian Arranged Marriages Successful?” Psychology

Today, Sussex Publishers,

www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-science-behind-behavior/201511/why-are-so-ma

ny-indian-arranged-marriages-successful.

Jaitly, Celina. “Bollywood Celebs Who Are Married to Foreigners.” The Times of India, The

Times of India,

timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/hindi/bollywood/photo-features/bollywood-ce

lebs-who-are-married-to-foreigners/celina-jaitly/photostory/61561068.cms.

Mody, Perveez. “Love and the Law: Love-Marriage in Delhi.” Modern Asian Studies, vol. 36,

no. 1, 2002, pp. 223–256., doi:10.1017/s0026749x02001075.

Patel, Ravi V. “Meet the Patels.” Meet the Patels, 27 Apr. 2014.

Sahoo, Sarbeswar. “Matrimonial.” South Asia: Journal of South Asian Studies, 2017, vol. 40, no.

2, 2017, pp. 354-357., doi:10.1080/00856401.2017.1296657.

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Srinivasan, Padma, and Gary R. Lee. “The Dowry System in Northern India: Women's Attitudes

and Social Change.” Journal of Marriage and Family, vol. 66, no. 5, 2004, pp.

1108–1117., doi:10.1111/j.0022-2445.2004.00081.x.

TNN. “Courts Still Confused about Legal Age of Marriage? - Times of India.” The Times of

India, The Times of India, 7 Aug. 2018,

timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/love-sex/Courts-still-confused-about-

legal-age-of-marriage/articleshow/21333081.cms.

Trivedi, Ira. “Why Arranged Marriage Is Dying.” Times of India Blog, 11 Sept. 2014,

blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india-in-love/why-arranged-marriage-is-dying/.