Running head: AN ANALYSIS OF MY LIFE 1

An Analysis of my Life based on Eysenck’s, Erikson’s, and Maslow’s Theory

Sophie Hirsch

Catawba College

Submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements of Psychology 3380, Psychology of

Personality

April 22nd, 2019

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An Analysis of my Life based on Eysenck’s, Erikson’s, and Maslow’s Theory

In this paper, I am going to try to analyze my personality by looking at Eysenck’s

PEN, Erikson’s Developmental Stages, and Maslow’s Hierarchy. The goal of this analysis is

to get an understanding of who I am, and why I have become a certain way. In my view,

certain events create our personality, and I want to identify which events in my life have

influenced my personality, by looking the 3 selected theories.

In order to measure and classify a system of traits, Eysenck looked at three

dispositions he believed to be the super traits. His Hierarchical Model, also known as the

PEN, measures psychoticism, extraversion and neuroticism, as these factors were both

hereditable and psychophysiological (Costa & McCrae, 1995). For example, higher

psychoticism can be indicated by a higher level of testosterone. Under each super trait a

narrow trait followed, then a habit and then a specific act. For example, the super trait

psychoticism would include narrow traits such as cold and aggressive, which could lead to the

habit of stealing and describe a specific situation in which an individual acted that way, for

example, robbing a liquor store.

As mentioned, psychoticism is the first super trait in Eysenck’s PEN. This may refer

to a person that is aggressive, cold, antisocial, egocentric, unpathetic, creative, impersonal,

impulsive and tough-minded. Someone who is generally warm and open minded would

therefore be seen as low on psychoticism and someone that does not open up to people and is

very impulsive would be high on psychoticism. Extroversion is defined as sociable, lively,

active, assertive, sensation-seeking, carefree, dominant, surgent and venturesome. An

individual that prefers being by themselves and is fairly quiet may be an introvert, while

someone who is often referred to as the life of a party would be an extrovert. Finally,

neuroticism is defined as anxious, depressed, guilt feelings, low self-esteem, tense, irrational,

shy, moody and emotional. An individual with stable mood who is generally happy and
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confident about themselves would be therefore low on neuroticism and someone who has a

very bipolar mood and is not very sociable would be high on neuroticism.

The PEN may be used to predict meaningful life outcomes. Someone who is low on

psychoticism and low on neuroticism is likely to have a stable marriage. An individual that is

extroverted and high on neuroticism may become an alcoholic. An individual that is low on

psychoticism may show educational attainment, as well as work satisfaction and financial

attainment. Finally, extroverts with low psychoticism and low neuroticism tend to be

healthier, physically and mentally. Impulsivity, which is part of psychoticism, is a key trait for

lower educational attainment, lower job status (especially in military rank), more

unemployment and divorce.

In sum, Eysenck’s Hierarchical Model was an early approach in analyzing dispositions

in order to understand the origins of our actions as well as to predict meaningful life

outcomes. It opted as the base for further dispositional theories, such as Cattell’s 16

Personality Factor Model, Wiggin’s Circumplex model, Goldberg’s Five Factor Model and

Costa and McCrae’s OCEAN scale, and finally Ashton’s HEXACO. Although not used much

anymore, Eysenck’s psychophysiological and hereditary factors are often reflected in more

updated personality tests, indicating that he enabled modern research in socio-personality

psychology.

In contrast to Eysenck, Erik H. Erikson (1968) assumed that personality is

something that develops over time following a clear, systematic line. Similar to psychologist

before his time, such as Freud, Erikson claimed that childhood is an essential factor in

personality development. Erikson’s levels of analysis are epigenetic, this is, that growth

happens in stages (Erikson, 1968). In every stage we have a crisis and from this crisis we may

either build a basic strength or a core pathology (Markstrom, Sabino, Turner & Berman,

1997). Erikson described a basic strength as syntonic and therefore harmonious when it comes

to development, such as trust, in contrast to a core pathology which is dystonic, therefore

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disruptive for the development of personality, such as shame and doubt. In contrast to earlier

theories, Erikson noted that personality may change, and that therefore it may be a challenge

to predict future behavior. Erikson also made it clear in his stages of development that you do

not want to fail to develop in one stage, as you constantly want your personality to develop. In

addition, his stages include significant persons that help development.

Erikson’s first stage of development is infancy, in which the individual’s crisis is trust

versus mistrust. Caregivers are important in this stage as they will provide for the basic needs

of the infant (DeNatale, 2013). Infants need to learn that their needs will be met by their

caregiver. If they succeed in this, they will develop the basic strength of hope. However, if

their needs our not met, infants may develop withdrawal. This might cause them to have

problems in creating new relationships later in life due to the childhood anxiety they have as

infants. Erikson’s second stage happens in early childhood, before the child reaches the age of

five. The child will face the crisis of autonomy versus shame, where their parents are the

primary person’s in it’s life. This stage can be compared to Freud’s anal stage where children

are toilet trained (Capps, 2007). Children need to learn to understand that it is okay to make

mistakes in order to gain the basic strength of will. If children are toilet trained too harshly by

their parents, they will be scared to make mistakes and therefore develop compulsion.

Compulsion may cause the child to be very perfectionistic later in life, needing order in most

aspects of the day. For example, this could be a student that feels the need to always use a

ruler or different colors when highlighting sections of notes they take in class and as an adult

they may let that perfection out on their child, trying it to be perfect all the time.

When children turn three, they reach the play age in which their crisis is initiative

versus guilt. The child at this age needs to learn that it cannot have everything and is not

allowed to do everything (DeNatale, 2013). Again, the parents are responsible to balance what

the child can have and not have. If the parents are not able to balance the wishes of the child,

it will feel guilty later about its wishes. This core pathology is referred to as inhibition.
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However, if the parents are able to balance the wishes of the child, it will develop purpose.

During the school age (between 6 and 12 years) children are thought to develop new skills

and therefore tend to compare themselves to others. Therefore, their peers, such as friends and

classmates are important persons in their lives. They need to understand that they have basic

strength and qualities in which they exert. If they achieve that, they will develop competence.

A child which develops competence will stay busy and try new things. As an adult, they may

be moving a lot and more likely to be successful. If children fail to develop competence

during their school age, they will develop inertia, which means they will stop doing things.

They will be scared to fail at things or to do things wrong and therefore they will always

follow a routine and will not develop a healthy risk-taking behavior. This is followed by

adolescence in which they the individuals face ego identity versus ego crisis. This may be the

biggest crisis individuals will face during their life span, as it takes a lot of energy and many

new roles are tried (Erikson, 1968). If a role is found, an individual will develop fidelity, that

is, faith in who they are. They will know what they want to do and have goals set that they

can accomplish. However, individuals that get stuck in trying to find who they are will

develop role repudiation and will drift and not know where they belong (Markstrom et

al.,1997).

In young adulthood, individuals face intimacy versus isolation (Seiffge-Krenke &

Beyers, 2016). They will develop sexual and non-sexual relationships. However, Erikson

suggests that you know who you are before you can love someone else. If you have fidelity

you are likely to be able to love, which is the basic strength. If you fail to do that, you will

develop exclusivity, meaning you cannot become one with other people. This may cause you

to be lonely in future stages. In Adulthood an individual focuses on their career, and the crisis

is generativity versus stagnation (Cheek & Piercy, 2008). Some people work but do not form

a career. This may often be women, as they tend to sacrifice their career in order to build a

family. Once they get older and their children are grown up, they may be stagnant and
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develop the core pathology of rejectivity and become hostile (Cheek & Piercy, 2008).

However, people who feel like what they do matters will develop care and provide for the

next generation. Erikson’s final stage is at old age, where the crisis faced is integrity versus

despair. This means, one may want to look back at their life and see that their life mattered. If

they have achieved that, they will have developed wisdom, however, if not, an individual will

be in a state of disdain. They will be confused and hate the world, and are unlikely to die as a

happy individual with a fulfilled life (Cheek & Piercy, 2008).

As one can conclude, Erikson’s stages are epigenetic and build on each other.

However, this does not mean that if an individual did not achieve to develop the basic

strength that they will not be able to live a fulfilled life. For example, someone that did not

develop role repudiation in their adolescence, or even later stages in life, is not bound to be

lost searching for a purpose forever. They may find their true role in life later. Overall,

Erikson’s stages are very similar to Freud’s in that personality develops in stages due to

conscious and unconscious conflicts that drive us. Nevertheless, Erikson focuses less on

sexual and aggressive energy, libido, but more on the influence of the people in our lives as

well as interpsychic processes.

Another psychologist that looked at personality was Abraham Maslow who was a

humanist psychologist, in contrast to Erikson who was a developmental psychologist. In

1943 Abraham Maslow researched personality and concluded that personality comes from our

internal motivations. In other words, an individual has goals, which are hierarchical, with the

final goal of “self-actualization” (Acevedo, 2018). Human needs are presented as clusters of

five basic needs, that are physiological needs, such as food, safety needs, love and

belongingness, self-esteem and self-actualization, respectively (Winston, 2016). The first four

needs are referred to as deficiency needs, or D needs, and self-actualization is referred to as

being needs, or B needs. In order to become a wholesome person, we need to reach self-

actualization, however, this takes time and work.

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According to Maslow, our first D needs are physiological needs and safety needs.

These are basic needs that we usually obtain in childhood. As an infant one is very

independent and is required to obtain basic resources from the caregivers. Children are very

anxious about the world and what is going to happen, but their basic needs are usually met by

the help of others. Maslow (1943) argues: “If all other needs are unsatisfied, and the organism

is then dominated by the physiological needs, all other needs may become simply non-

existent or be pushed into the background. It is then fair to characterize the whole organism

by saying simply that it is hungry, for consciousness is almost completely pre-empted by

hunger.” This means that we need to focus on the needs at the bottom first, such as our

physiological needs and once these needs are satisfied, we can focus on higher needs, such as

self-actualization. In order for the body and the mind to be homeostatic, therefore, in balance,

we need to meet our basic physiological needs. Once these our met, we may meet other needs.

Maslow (1943) argues that we can see the reactions of not feeling safe in children. When they

get sick they feel scared and anxious, because they see the world differently and feel like they

are not safe. In order for an adult later in life to find belonging and self-esteem, they need to

feel safe where they are in life at the current moment. Once they feel safe, they may satisfy

their psychological needs.

After physiological and safety needs are met, an individual will be motivated to find

permanent and important relationships. An individual will aim to find love and affection.

Self-esteem needs include self-respect, evaluating oneself highly, be capable of confidently

facing the world and independence. Mruk and Skelly (2017) argue that self-esteem is of

importance for human psychology, as it is a key concept in “growth, well-being, and self-

actualization.” Both love and self-esteem are considered psychological needs, that need to be

met in order to reach self-actualization.

The need for self-actualization is the final need that we are motivated to fulfill in order

to become a whole person. It is what gives life meaning. Nevertheless, it can only be satisfied
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if previous physiological, safety, love, and esteem needs have been met. D’Souza and Gurin

(2016) argue that in a society which is expanding in number and decreasing in resources, it is

essential to stay in homeostasis in order to stay mentally and physically healthy. Maslow’s

concept of self-actualization is the act of rebalancing in this society which is motivated by

inner peace and wholeness. In other words, in this society it is important to first address the

basic physiological needs and get the resources needed such as food, which is important to

stay healthy. There is more competition now, therefore it is harder to get to self-actualization,

but it is important that we still strive for self-actualization. This process happens throughout a

lifespan. Maslow (1943) argues that the self-actualization may take different forms and look

different from person to person. For example, one person may be motivated to be the perfect

parent or grandparent, while another person may be motivated to create beautiful music

pieces.

Consequently, one can see that Maslow (1943) argues that our motivations are

holistic, complex, continuous, universal and hierarchical. Motivations are holistic, as they

involve all of you. For example, we may have met our physiological need of hunger and do

not need to eat, however, we cannot move on to safety needs if our sexual needs are not met.

In addition, needs are complex, meaning that we cannot identify the source of our motivation.

For example, one may self-actualize and want to become a great mother to a child. However,

there would be no simple explanation why we would have this internal motivation. It may be

that one did not have a caring mother and wants to be better, or one saw a show on television,

or it is external pressure to be a good parent, or a mixture of all three of them. The reason for

our motivation cannot be identified, as motivations are overdetermined. Maslow (1943)

argues that motivations are continuous. Over our lifespan, we have different needs and our

goal is to fulfill them. Once we have met them, we move to new needs. We may reach self-

actualization, but we do not stop to be motivated to be a better and more wholesome person.

For example, if one wanted to be a good parent, they would be motivated to be a better parent.
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They would not stop trying to be better at what they are doing. Motivations are considered to

be universal, and therefore cross-cultural (Mruk & Skelly, 2017). Maslow (1943) argues that

everyone is motivated to satisfy their needs, nonetheless, this is criticized since motivations

may be only universal in an individualistic society, but not a collective society (Mruk &

Skelly, 2017). Finally, Maslow (1943) argues that our needs are hierarchical, that is, that one

need needs to be met before we can meet the next. We need to meet our basic d needs, such as

physiological needs and safety needs, before we can find love and esteem needs. Once we

satisfied our love needs and are confident with ourselves in the world, we can self-actualize.

However, Gordon (2012) argues that in Eastern cultures human development is moved

forward by our connecting with nature and by the power of our spirit and mind.

In sum, even though Maslow’s holistic-dynamic theory may receive criticism about its

validity in both individualistic and collective societies, Maslow provides an outline on human

development and how personality is a result of internal motivations. In order to get to our

goal, we need to fulfill our d needs. Once we satisfied our basic and psychological needs, we

may be guided by our self-actualizing motivations, or B needs, which are luxuries. Overall,

we are guided by the motivation to live a satisfied and wholesome life, in order to be the best

version of ourselves and to be happy.

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By looking at these theories, I can try to analyze my own life and see why certain

characteristics and traits I have now have turned out the way they did. The following pages

will tell you my life story.

I was born in February 1998 in Leipzig, Germany. I have one brother that I love

dearly, who is 7 years older than me and who has Down’s Syndrome. Although I do not

remember it anymore, I have been told that when I was younger my brother always cared for

me and did not let people he did not know come too close to me. My brother went to a school

for “normal” children until he was in the second grade. He entered school late and had a tutor

and did alright in school. His principle, did not want a child with Down’s syndrome in the

school, as this would put the school into a bad light. She tried to kick him out of the school

and my mom went to court against the school. Although I do not remember it very well, I

know I stayed with my grandmother a lot, as my mom was busy with her job and in court, and

my dad had a well-paid job and travelled much. After my mom lost her case in court (it may

be important to know that this was not long after the re-uniting of Germany, and therefore the

judges grew up under the Soviet government and children with disabilities were not common

in normal school), my brother went to a school for children with disabilities. This influenced

my parents’ decision to send me to a private school, which was very expensive for them.

I went to preschool at the Leipzig International School, which was an all English

school. My preschool teachers did not speak any German, and therefore I was forced to learn

English very fast. At this time, I also started playing tennis. My mom had played since she

was ten years old, and she was pretty good and loved the sport and wanted me to be as

successful as possible. I stayed at the same school until I graduated from there in May 2016.

In contrast to my mom, I did not like tennis as much. I played my first tournaments in

the under 8-year-old category, and until I was 15, I played tournaments about every weekend.

I remember that my mother and I would get into many fights, because I was never able to

attend my friends’ birthday parties or go to sleep overs. I practiced about four times a week
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and played tournaments on the weekends, and it seemed like I had no more free-time. My dad

would travel with me throughout Germany, and my mom would only be at the tournaments

when they were close. If I would not play well, or lose against someone with a lower ranking

my mom used to be very disappointed, or even mad, and tell me how much money my parents

would spend on my practice and on going to tournaments. Now, I think that I used to hate

tennis that much because I would only disappoint my mother, and she would never say that

she was proud of me.

Until I was about 14 years old, I always remember me and my mother fighting. We

were not very close, and neither we she and my dad. Every day she would tell me how I could

be better in something. My dad and I were not very close either, because he was drinking a

lot. In April 2012, my grandmother died on a Sunday. I had just driven back from a

tournament, when my dad told me. She was the only grandparent I had and I felt like she was

the only person that was proud of me and what I did. When she died, I felt so empty. My

mother did not leave her room for a few days, but she was not angry at me anymore. It

seemed like a relief, until Christmas came along. Every Christmas we spent time with my

mom’s brother, his wife, my cousin and my grandmother. After my grandmother died, my

mom and her brother fought and still do not talk until this day. For my brother, the fact that

my grandmother died was worse. My brother stopped eating and speaking and he had no more

joy in his life. This was probably the most terrifying thing I have every experienced. He lost

over a third of his bodyweight and fainted constantly. We went to the hospital, and they found

that my brother suffered from depression and they said he had to be clinically supervised. He

was sent from one clinic to another. At this point he was 21, but no clinic would take him as

they said he is not a full adult, but child clinics would not take him either because of his age.

One doctor even told us, that a child with Down’s Syndrome cannot be depressed. We finally

found a clinic that would take him, and he got better. Once he went home, he was on and off

medication, would have some setbacks but overall he got better.

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While all of this was going on, I found myself to be alone all the time. This happened

around a one year period, maybe even a little longer. My mother would leave work and stay

with my brother and my dad still worked a lot. I stopped practicing as much tennis, and

played very little tournaments. I got very conscious of my body image. I thought, that if I was

thinner I would be able to get more attention of my parents. I started eating less and lost a lot

of weight, and went down from 150 pounds to 130. This continued later and would get more

severe. In addition to this, my grades in school were not very good (compared to what they

are now). I had a C average, and my mother was not happy about it. She did not get mad,

because she had different problems, but she was very disappointed. I wanted that someone

would not be disappointed at me for once, and I started staying up very late to get better in

school, and I did improve eventually.

When I was 16, my dad lost his job. His drinking had gotten worse and he neglected

work. His company went bankrupt. One night, my mom and I were watching TV. It was fairly

late but I remember that I was out of school because I had mono. My dad was in the basement

drinking by himself, my brother was at an event with his school (he went to school until the

age of 24). My dad came to the living room where my mom and I were in. He started

screaming, and tipped over the book shelf. He started throwing the flowers and smashed the

TV. He screamed at my mother and me how we ruined his life. We ran to my room and

looked it and called the police. Eventually he broke the lock and broke the things I had in my

room and then the police came and took him to the station. He was brought to a clinic and

stayed there for 3 months. I stayed with my best friend for a few weeks, as my mother tried to

figure out how to continue. My dad was diagnosed with depression.

I picked up tennis more after this happened and played a few tournaments with 16 and

17. I also focused more on my body. In the summer of 2015 I won the East German

Championships, and I got offered by recruiting agents to get promoted to play in America.
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My mom and I decided it would be an opportunity for me to get away from the mess that was

going on at home.

My dad got released from the clinic and it seemed like everything was fine for a few

weeks, until he started drinking again. That made me realize, that people chose to change or

they do not, but it is not other people that can make someone change.

During this time, I did IB in high school. My mom had to borrow money from friends

in order to pay for my school, as we did not have that kind of money anymore after my dad

lost his company. I started trying very hard in school. The IB exams are known to be very

hard, which is probably why they counted as college credit. I barely slept, maybe 3 hours a

night. My weight dropped to its lowest down to 118 pounds at a height of 5feet and 9 inches.

My mom made me speak to a therapist, we agreed to get my weight up to 130 pounds before I

went to America, otherwise I would not be allowed to go. And although I was very unhappy

about it, I did it. I have to say, that my best friend Kathi, was a great help, for everything.

Even if I was moody she was by my side. In addition, I knew I had to go to America to get a

degree in psychology, as my GPA was too low to get into a psychology program in Germany.

Although was struggling during this time, my mother and I grew really close. We went to

Egypt together and then in the summer before I came to Catawba we traveled to Istanbul. We

are also extremely close right now.

I was very anxious coming to America, but also very happy. I had not been to

America, neither had anyone else in my family. In fact, I was the only one who could even

speak a second language, and then moving to a new continent was a crazy thing. I could not

imagine leaving all my friends and family at home and coming to a place that where I did not

know anyone.

Academically school went very well and I made a lot of friends my first year of

college. I wanted to transfer, as I did not like Salisbury very much. I had always been in a big

city, and coming to such a small place was not for me. It took me some time to get used to
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politics here and the influence of religion in the South. However, I do have to say I am very

happy that I stayed, since I love my degree and I have realized that Catawba has provided me

with many amazing opportunities, such as going to the Alpha Chi National Honors

Convention in Cleveland in Spring 2019. Although there had been many times I have been

very unhappy with playing tennis and with the coaches, I appreciate the fact that tennis gave

me the opportunity to study here at Catawba. In the fall 2017 I started seeing Nan, the

counselor on campus, as I felt really bad about my weight. I had put on a lot since I was at

Catawba, but she made me realize that it is okay. Although now I do feel insecure sometimes

about how I look, she did help me a lot to understand that I am a healthy individual and not to

stress it too much.

In the summer of 2018, I went to Italy to do an internship as a hotel and teaching

courses and performing, something I always wanted to try. I loved every aspect of it. I made

great friends and made great experiences. However, I did not get to see my brother or my

friends for one year (my mother came to visit me for 2 weeks) and I realized how important

these people are for me and how much I need them in my life. One week when I worked at

the hotel a man with Down’s Syndrome came with his parents. He was around 35 years old

and his parents probably around 80. We had to dance with the guests and every night I danced

with him. One night, after dancing, I had to go to the bathroom because I had to cry. I missed

my brother so much, and I did not know what to do without him. I realized, that with being

here I am missing out on the time I could have with him. And as much as I loved

entertainment and even though I was offered to work there again, I rejected the offer because

I could not have been away from my brother for another year.

In this summer, my mother also moved out of the house she shared with my dad and

moved to an apartment. I stayed there with her when I went home for that winter break on her

couch. My dad and I do not talk much, but when I went home my mom, brother, him and I

tried to do stuff together for Christmas. On Christmas eve, they started a huge fight, which
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lasted throughout all of Christmas. I was actually very glad I worked as a waitress in a

restaurant, and did not have to be there when they were constantly fighting.

I came back to America and to start the semester I am currently in right now. It has

been a very good semester for me and I had been the most successful I have ever been. I got

to be the first female tennis player at Catawba to be nationally ranked, I got to win a $3000

Scholarship and win a prize in psychology. In addition, I was elected as president for Psi Chi

and inducted to Phi Epsilon. At the moment, I am probably the most confident I have been,

and I am very happy with the way things worked out and hope that I will continue being this

lucky.

In order to analyze myself, I want to start looking at Eysenck’s PEN. Eysenck’s

hierarchical model classifies traits and taxonomies. It looks at 3 major super-traits:

psychoticism, extroversion and neuroticism. I believe that these traits might have changed for

me over the years.

Before preschool, I spent a lot of time with my friends, although my mother says that

my kindergarten teachers would have described me as very shy. My closest friend at that

point was (and still is) very loud and a leading figure. I was more her follower when I was

younger. Nevertheless, I was very caring and looked out for my friends. I loved working in

groups on drawing or building things or singing with my peers. Although I was shy, I was

fairly happy at this point and not very anxious. I do not think I felt any guilt even if I did

something wrong. Overall, I think that before preschool I was between being an introvert and

an extrovert, as I was a follower and not very dominant, but I was very active and sociable. I

believe I was very low on psychoticism, as I was fairly warm and personal. I was never

aggressive or impulsive. I also believe that I would have been low on neuroticism, as I was

not anxious or moody, although I was shy.

I believe that I kept most of these characteristics until about the age of 14.

Nevertheless, I believe I got higher on neuroticism with playing more tennis. I was generally
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not very happy about it and I was very tense. I remember that I would always be scared to

lose or to disappoint, which is why my self-esteem suffered during this time. I would feel

guilty for losing and be anxious before playing. I also think during this time I got more

emotional and depressed, as I would be sad and cry a lot after losing and become very

unsatisfied on the court if I was not doing very well.

After my grandmother died, my brother suffered from depression, my dad lost his job

and had his outbreak my personality changed again. I think I became very impersonal and

cold. At times, I would not want to see anyone and I remember being more impulsive. My

coach kicked me out of practice after he said something to me which I took the wrong way

and I started arguing with him. With focusing more on my weight, I became very antisocial,

as I did not want to go out to get food or later go out and get drinks, as that would mean I

would consume extra calories. I was definitely high on psychoticism. I believe I become more

of an introvert, although I stayed active even though I played less tennis. I started running a

lot, and completed my first half marathon. I did not engage, however, in clubs or associations

of my school. I was very careful about what people thought about me, was not very sociable

and not very lively in school, or dominant. I also moved up on neuroticism, my self-esteem

was extremely low, I felt guilty for eating, was very moody, depressed and emotional. I was

anxious about what would happen next, constantly. First, I did not know what would happen

to my brother, then I did not know if I was able to finish my education at my school and then I

did not know how things will end with my father. I stayed extremely anxious until I signed

with Catawba, and knew that by going to America I will have a place where I could leave the

problems I had in Germany behind. I am extremely happy, however, that over all this time my

closest friends, especially my best friend, were hanging in with me and helped me through

this time.

After this stage in my life, I believe I developed the personality traits that I own now. I

believe coming here helped me to become a warm person again and fairly personal. I came to
AN ANALYSIS OF MY LIFE 17

America with the idea that I wanted to help people that struggle with similar things I had been

struggling with, as I believe you cannot judge a book by its cover. I became more social again

and open minded. Therefore, I believe now that I am lower on psychoticism. At Catawba, I

am very active in honors societies, athletics and academics. I try very hard to do well. I love

to travel and see new places, even if they may not be considered the safest. I think I am very

lively and sociable, I love working on my research project with my partner, even though I

usually am not the biggest fan of group work. Therefore, I think I am fairly high on

extroversion. Finally, I believe that I am low on neuroticism again. I am confident about

myself and my abilities and therefore have higher self-esteem. I am not shy, nor moody,

usually, and feel seldom depressed. However, I sometimes do struggle with some anxiety.

Knowing that college is coming to an end seems very frightening to me. I do not know if I

will get into a graduate school that will pay me to study there, which I would need in order to

continue my education in the US. The thought that I might have to go home is scary, because

I do not know if a school in Germany would accept me. Although I am trying to stay

optimistic, I cannot know what will expect me.

Using Eysenck’s PEN, I am able to determine my major traits. This analysis showed

me that I have undergone a lot of change and that between the age of 14 and 17, I did not have

a very healthy arrangements in traits. Due to this change in personality, I believe that the

relative outcomes of personality are not very accurate for me. For example, with 15 I was

very impulsive however, I am doing very well in my education. It would be interesting to

follow up with the predicted life outcomes and to see how many will (or hopefully will not)

come true.

Secondly, I can use Erikson’s Stages of Development to see how I developed and to

see whether I developed a basic strength or a core pathology, as well as how persons were

involved in my development.
AN ANALYSIS OF MY LIFE 18

Erikson’s first stage is in infancy. The ego crisis one has to face is trust versus mistrust

and the primary person are the caretakers. For me, I think that my primary person in my life

was my brother, rather than my mother or my father, as they had other worries and

occupations. The strength one should build in this stage is hope and if one fails to develop this

one will develop withdrawal. Although my parents were not always there for me, my brother

was, and my grandmother too, as much as possible. I was provided with what I needed as an

infant. However, I do not know if I mastered this crisis, as I often do not trust people.

Although I am hopeful that everything will work out the right way, I withdraw from

relationships that I have with people. Even though I did have a fairly large number of

romantic partners, it is hard for me to trust people long term and to form a meaningful

romantic relationship. I usually withdraw when it gets serious, instead of being hopeful about

the future of those relationships.

The next stage is in early childhood when we face the crisis of autonomy versus shame

and doubt. One can develop the basic strength will or the core pathology of compulsion. I do

not remember being potty trained are ever having someone tell me about it, but I assume that

my parents would have been very strict about it. From seeing the way I was brought up, I

would believe that it was a shameful and doubtful time for me. Since my mother was very

strict about me doing well in tennis, being clean at home and doing well in school, I could

only imagine her being strict on me learning how to use the bathroom. I believe this might

have developed compulsion during this age. I am very perfectionistic, especially about how I

play tennis and how I am in school. During the time I struggled with my weight, I believe I

was very perfectionistic about my appearance and believed I could have always looked better

and become skinnier. In high school, I stayed up very late and did not get enough sleep, as I

wanted to get the best grades possible and the highest GPA possible. Today, I am always

looking to get better. When I get a grade lower than a 94, especially in easier classes, I tend to

be very disappointed. When I take notes to study, I cannot have spelling mistakes on my notes
AN ANALYSIS OF MY LIFE 19

or letters crossed out, otherwise I cannot use the notes to study and have to retake them. And I

need to color code everything, otherwise I cannot study. Although many people think my

work ethics is great, for me, I believe it can be very disruptive. I will not focus on other things

that may be important and get frustrated a lot if the work I do is not good enough. I often hear

from people that I am “lucky to be this smart,” but I think that these people do not understand

how hard it is to be this compulsive and how disruptive it can be from normal life. I am also

very perfectionistic when it comes to tennis. I am very unsatisfied if I do not get the results

that I want. I will go for runs after matches if I felt like my energy was too low, or do

additional workouts when I feel like I did not do well enough in practice. When I do that, I

will lose time to do my homework, making me stay up late as I do want this to be perfect too.

According to Erikson, it is likely I turned out this way because I was not potty trained

correctly.

During Erikson’s play age, which is usually between 3 to 5 years, the crisis one faces

is initiative versus guilt. Parents are still the main persons in this stage. Children want to have

everything, but cannot have it. Parents need to balance what the child can have and what not.

Although I did feel guilty a lot later in life (about what I ate, and that my parents paid for

school), I do not think that my parents made me feel guilty at that stage in my life. With my

dad’s job, money was not a problem. It was also before I started playing tennis extremely

competitively. Although I already played by the age of 4, it was more fun. I had everything I

needed, for example the toys I needed, but I do not think I got too much. Therefore, I think

that the core strength I developed was purpose. Although I often do not know what to do and

where I will be in the future, I think I have developed purpose now. In adolescence, finding

purpose was harder for me, as I was very unhappy, but by now I feel like I know where I am

at.

Before entering into adolescence, the school age starts at age 6. This is when we

compare ourselves most to others. The crisis we face is industry versus inferiority and ideally
AN ANALYSIS OF MY LIFE 20

we develop competence. I believe I am a very competent person now, since I keep myself

busy by engaging in activities, work and sports. Nevertheless, I do not think that I succeeded

in this stage. I always thought very little of my abilities and myself, as my hand writing was

not very pretty compared to others, and I was a very average student, while my friends all did

very well. I also compared myself a lot to my brother. I always saw myself as a

disappointment in a way, as my brother would have people praise him for everything,

meanwhile, I was criticized. For example, he would wash the dishes once a month and my

mother would tell him what a good child he was, but if I only washed them four times a week

instead of 6, she would get mad at me and tell me that I am lazy. I was also jealous in a way

of him, because family friends would always remember his birthday, or asked how playing

the guitar went for him, but no one would ask about tennis or knew my birthday. In addition, I

believed that my friends were all better looking than me. I usually got the old clothes of my

brother which I would wear to school, while everyone else would get nicer, newer clothes.

Nevertheless, even though I felt inferior at most times, I did not develop inertia. In contrast,

this feeling of inability and inferiority helped me to work more and strive more for getting

better. And even though I struggled with becoming a better version of myself in my

adolescent years, I believe that now I am very competent and am striving for improvement in

a positive way.

Adolescence was probably the hardest time for me and the time my development was

most unsuccessful according to Erikson. I faced the crisis of ego identity versus ego

confusion. People try different roles and either excel in one and develop fidelity or fail and

develop role repudiation. Especially early in this stage, my identity in this age was to look

well, not to be healthy. I put my energy into losing weight, because I wanted attention.

Because I did not get any attention, due to bigger crises that were going on at this point, such

as the death of my grandmother, my brother’s depression, my father’s outbreak, I thought I

was not going well enough and continued falling deeper and deeper into this cycle of weight
AN ANALYSIS OF MY LIFE 21

loss and unhealthy behavior. It was not until I was around 16 that I realized that my true

identity lies in academics. Although I was still very focused on my weight, I realized that if I

would work hard and commit time to my work, I can do well and succeed. Luckily for me,

my best friend and I studied a lot together. She pushed me to be the best version of myself.

She also helped me to focus less on my weight. In fact, she was the one that told my mother

about my problem, and consequently I saw a therapist. During this time, my best friend was

my person that helped me and guided me to develop the basic strength of fidelity. I was lost

and did not see my real identity in being a person, but rather in impressing others. Thanks to

her, I was able to develop to understand my true self and had more faith in who I am now. If

she would not have pushed me the way she did, I might have never had the courage to come

to America and have the opportunities that I have now.

My decision to go to America brings us to the final stage that I can analyze which is

young adulthood. The crisis I am experiencing right now according to Erikson is intimacy

versus isolation. In order to love someone else and form relationships, which may be romantic

or not, one needs to know who they are in advance. The basic strength one can take from this

would be love, and the core pathology exclusion. Personally, I believe I do not know who I

am and I do not believe that I can find true love at this stage of my life. Although I have some

idea about who I am and who I want to be, I have not completely found myself yet. I know

that I want to study and get a PhD, since I really like school and learning, and I know that I

want to stay in America. Nevertheless, I do not know where I want to go and who I want to

spend my life with. Therefore, this stage is yet to be completed, but I am hopeful that by the

end of this stage I will have discovered who I really am and will be able to form a lasting

relationship.

Erikson’s stages also include adulthood and old age in which you face generativity

versus stagnation, and integrity versus despair, respectively. These crises have yet to be

discovered by me.
AN ANALYSIS OF MY LIFE 22

In contrast to Erikson who looked at developmental psychology, Abraham Maslow

looked at a more humanistic approach. In his Holistic Dynamic Model, he describes 5 basic

needs that we have to fulfill. These are linear, meaning that we need to complete one need,

before we can move on to the next, more complex need.

The first needs we want to fulfill are physiological needs. This includes getting food

and is usually fulfilled in infancy. My mother and father always provided food for me, it was

something I never had to worry about. Since we never had money problems in the sense that

we could not afford food, this had never been a problem. The second basic need is safety.

This was challenged throughout my life. I had safety when I was young, as we had a nice

house and I went to a safe and good school right in the city center of Leipzig. However, I did

not really feel safe throughout until I got here. When my father started drinking more and lost

his job, I was scared and did not feel safe. The night my mom and I called the police I had

been terrified. I was scared he would through something at us or become more violent

towards us. Even though I spent some time at my best friend’s house, I did not feel

completely safe, as I knew I had to return home at some point and I knew that my dad would

return eventually too. When I decided to go to America, it was an opportunity to “run away”

from my problems, and I did not have to worry about safety or even physiological needs.

After physiological and basic needs, Maslow say’s that one needs to find belonging.

This is the stage I am stuck in. I do not know, yet, where I belong. I feel at home in Germany,

however, I love the opportunities I have in America. I know for a fact I don’t belong in a

dorm with roommates, or on my mother’s couch in Germany. If I get into a graduate school in

America, hopefully Florida, maybe I can find that I belong there. I do not belong in North

Carolina and am not planning on staying here. However, until I do not leave, which will not

happen for at least another year, I will not know where I really belong.
AN ANALYSIS OF MY LIFE 23

After belonging, Maslow say’s we need to find esteem (or independence) and from

there we can move to our goal, self-actualization. This is a process that will take time, and

work, but I hope to achieve it one day.

Maslow describes factors that motivate us, such as goodness, beauty, justice, esthetics,

wholeness, truth, and uniqueness. These factors also motivated me, for example, wholeness

motivated me to continue my education and become the student I am right now and want to

be. This motivates me to become a better researcher in future. Uniqueness motivates to have

my own theories and research them for the future. It also motivated me to go to school in

North Carolina, which is unique in my circle as no one of my friends had been here before.

In sum, I can certain behaviors and stages of my life can be analyzed by looking at

personality theories. Looking at Eysenck’s PEN, I realized that my personality traits have

changed over time. From times in which I was more psychotic and neurotic, I have developed

into an individual that is more extroverted to some extent, and less psychotic and neurotic. I

realized that my overall mental and physical health and well-being influenced my traits a lot.

Furthermore, by looking at Erikson, I can track that my perfection may be a reason by my

parents being strict on me, that I feel the compulsion now to do everything as good as

possible. In addition, since my parents were not around as much when I was younger, I may

have developed a certain amount of distrust, which is why it may be hard for me to form

romantic relationships. Nevertheless, I am optimistic that that may change over time. Finally,

by looking at Maslow’s humanistic model, I can see that right now I am looking for belonging

somewhere. I have fulfilled my physiological and safety needs, for now, and need to find

where I belong now, before I can actually get to self-actualization. Overall, from this analysis

I was able to see where I am at in my life right now, and what direction I am heading. The

way my life has been so far may be used as a way to predict how my personality will be in the

future. However, I do not believe that my personality is already set. Seeing that I have
AN ANALYSIS OF MY LIFE 24

changed a lot over time already, makes me believe that by just one event, positive or negative,

happening, a lot can change again.

AN ANALYSIS OF MY LIFE 25

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