Differentiated Self

Its is the ability to separate feelings and thoughts. Undifferentiated people

cannot separate feelings and thoughts; when asked to think, they are
flooded with feelings, and have difficulty thingking logically and basing their
responses on that. Further, they have difficulty separating their own from
other’s feelings; they look to family to define how they think about issues,
feel about people, and interpret their experiences.

The term self-differentiation was first introduced by Murray Bowen; whose

ideas are the basis of familly systems therapy. There are the (2) aspect to
self-differentiation; intrapsychic differentiation and interpersonal
differentiation. Intrapsychic differentiation is when we can tell apart our
thoughts from our emotions. In other words, its self-awareness. On the
other hand, interpersonal differentiation is when we can distinguish our
experience from the experience of people we wre connected ro. Both aspects
of self-differentiation are important, as they empower us to be aware of our
current state and the influence of different interactions and environments in
our state so we can take action.

What makes the concept of self-diffentiation so important? Bowen’s system

therapy was revolutionary in the field of psychology because it was a pioneer
in considering individuals’ symptoms as a by product of, and interrelated
with, the dynamics and structures of their family. We do not exist in
isolation, nor are we immune from the interactions and emotions of the
people around us . Instead, our emotions and sense of sell are shaped by,
and a part of, an emotional system created by the family.

False VS True Self

The true self is the core of who you are, the original you, unshapped by
upbringing or society. This is the state you were born in and it is state that
still exist inside you.

This doesn’t mean that finding your true self means regressing back the
childhood – just as you have grown physically, your true self has grown too.
However, it is usually strongly guarded by the false self and, at first, might
be difficult to reach.

Your false self can also be called your adapted self. This is the part of you
that have altered behavior, repressed feelings and pushed your needs aside
to fit in with other.
Each of us creates a “false self” to protect our “true self” when it feels
frightening to be genuine in the world, if our false self becomes dominant, it
begins to bury the very qualities it was originally designed to protect. These
buried qualities often hold the key to deeper love, creativity, meaning on our
lives. How can we free them?

The great psychoanalytic theorist D.W Winnicott used the term “false self” to
describe the defensive structure a young child creator when his or her
mother can’t respond to him or her with empathy and care. No parent is
perfect, but if this lack of empathic response is chronic, the child if forced to
create a false self that meets the mother’ needs, not it’s own. The more the
child comes to feel that his or her true self isn’t appreciated or cherished,
the more the false self becomes dominant. Winnicott describes a terrible
poverty of an inner life that arises from the ascendency of the false self, a
loss of our innate vitality, joy, and creativity.

Multiple VS Unified self

Is there just one “self” in each person or do we really consist of many

different selves? When faced with this question, most people respond
initially that there is just one “self” and that is the “me”.

Assuming that there is a single self, this position can initially be justified by
the basic observation that we inhabit on body. The body can be conceived of
as an object and like most “normal sized” objects. It exist in one location in
space and time and in the sense it is singular. But deeper reflection reveals
that we are not usually talking about the physical body when we are talking
about the self. If so, the “self” would still be there if the body had heart
attack and fell to the floor and died. But most people would say that dead
body does not contain the self; the self resides in the dimension of the
mental and cultural and is not really reducible to the physical and
biological.

Real VS Ideal Self

In psychology, the real self and the ideal self are terms used to describe
personality domains. The real self is who we actually are. It is how we think,
how we feel, look, and act. The real self can be seen by others, but because
we have no way of truly knowing how others views us, the real self is our
self-image.
The ideal self, on the other hand, is how we want to be. It is an idealized
image that we have developed over time, based on what we have learn and
experienced. The ideal self could include components of what our parents
have taught us, what we admire in others, what our society promotes, and
what we think is in our best interest.

Huamnistic psychologist, carl rogers, believed that we all own a real self and
an ideal self. The real self is what we are intrinsical. It’s the self that feels
truest to what and who we are really are; the honest self that leaves us
most comfortable on our skin. It may not perfect, but its the part of us that
feels most real. And it’s the one we need to learn to love the most.

The “I” and the “Me”

The “I” self when the person initiates or perform a social action, the
functions as a subject. This subjective element of the self I the ‘I’.
The “Me” self whe the person takes the role of the other, the self functions as
an object. The object element of the self is the “ME”.

Mead’s work focuses on the way in which the self is developed. Mead’s
theory of the social self is based on the perspective that the self emerges
from social interactions, such as observing and interacting with others ,
responding to other’s opinion about oneself, and internalizing external
opinions and internal feelings about oneself . The social aspect of self is an
important distincvtion because other sociologist and psychologist of Mead’s
time felt that the self was based on biological factors and inherited traits.
According to Mead, the self is not there from birth, but it is developed over
time from social experiences and activities.

TWO SIDES OF SELF

The ‘Me’ is considered the socialized aspect of the individual. The “me”
is considered as the phase of the self in the past. The ‘me’ has been
developed by the knowledge of society and social interactions that the
individual has gained.

The ‘I’, represents the individual’s identity base on response to the

‘me’. The ‘I’ says, ‘Okay. I should behave and socially interact one
way, and I think I should act same the same (or perhaps different),’
and that notion becomes self.
 Sigmund Freud’s theory about self

1. Id – is the impulsive and unconscious part of our mind.

2. Superego – incorporates the values and morals of society which are
learned from one’s parents and others.
3. Ego – is the component of personality that is responsible for
dealing with reality.

Self As Proactive and Agentic

The proactive individual-takes responsibility for his or her own growth. A life
course is not fully determined bye external forces but can be chosen.

Proactive people qualities:

They are active people- It is the basic quality of a proactive person. If you are
not an active person, you won’t be able to reach proactivity. Proactive people
seek action, love to solve problems, and do whatever it takes to prevent them
from happening.

They know themselves

Proactivity implies sel-knowledge. Being proactive does not imply being

“blindly” active, but looking at oneself and knowing the limitations and
capacities that are available.

They have self-confidence

In order to move around the world with the dynamic attitude that proactive
people show, it will be essential to have self-confidence.

They have self-control

Proactive people know that, in order to find the solution to a problem, they
should not get carried away by emotions.

They are focused

They learn from Criticism

They are flexible

An Agentic Perspective

 An agentic perspective emerges on banduras Socio Cognitve View of

Personality.
 He viewed people as agents, or originators of experience.
 Bandura conceived human agency as the ability to act and make
things happen.

Human Agency entails intentionally which enable us to behave

purposefully.

 Forethought – permit us to anticipate outcome

 Self Reactiveness – allow us to motivate and regulate action
 Self Reflectiveness – gives us the ability to reflect on our thoughts
and behavior and make changes as needed.

2. self image is the mental picture of yourself. The self-imaged role in

relation to make one’s own self-esteem as part of transforming positive
outlooks of a person is that it helps every individual to learn more, do more
and explore more. If you know yourself image or the mental picture of
yourself well, then that’s the time that you’ll start to gain more of your self
confidence or your self esteem and with that you can easily see the
transformation of positive outlooks of a person, especially the
transformation of yourself.