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Like a nursing mother that tenderly cares, says the KJV --- The Greek word is thalpo and it
primarily means to heat, to soften by heat, then, to keep warm, as of birds covering their young with
their feathers. J. Vernon McGee writes that Paul states he was...“a nursing mother,” like a mother
bird. This is Paul’s positive expression of his relationship to the Thessalonians: “I’ve been a nursing
mother, a mother bird to you.” Oh, the gentleness of Paul! He was as tender as a woman in his
dealings with the church at Thessalonica.
Warren Wiersbe observes that... “As an apostle, Paul was a man of authority; but he always used his
authority in love. The babes in Christ sensed his tender loving care as he nurtured them. He was
indeed like a loving mother who cared for her children. It takes time and energy to care for children.
Paul did not turn his converts over to baby-sitters; he made sacrifices and cared for them
himself. He did not tell them to “read a book” as a substitute for his own personal ministry ...A
nursing mother imparts her own life, love and learning into the child. This is exactly what Paul
wrote in 1Thessalonians 2:8. You cannot be a nursing mother and turn your baby over to someone
else. That baby must be in your arms, next to your heart. The nursing mother eats the food and
transforms it into milk for the baby. The mature Christian feeds on the Word of God and then shares
its nourishment with the younger believers so they can grow (see notes 1 Peter 2:1; 2:2; 2:3). A
nursing child can become ill through reaction to something the mother has eaten. The Christian
who is feeding others must be careful not to feed on the wrong things himself... if we do not nurse
the new Christians on the milk of the Word, they can never mature to appreciate the meat of the
Word.”
John MacArthur notes that...”As the phrase her own children indicates, Paul was no paid
surrogate mother or modern-style, hired day care worker. The apostle exhibited the same
feelings as a nursing mother when he cared for the Thessalonians’ spiritual needs. This picture
is usually foreign to all leaders outside the true church of Jesus Christ. In fact, for most, it would
appear to be sentimental, weak, and unproductive. The standard for worldly leadership is to
accomplish the leader’s desires through people.”
Christians are to be like God in demonstrating both Father and Mother traits. Just as new born
babies need the presence and influence of mother and father, likewise new born believers need
both “spiritual mothering and “spiritual fathering”, and this can be done by the same person, be it a
man or a woman. What are some of the characteristics of “spiritual mothering”
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Dear Christian, are there those to whom you can write, “I have begotten you through the gospel?”
Have you been reproductively active and fertile when it comes to being used of the Holy Spirit to
birth children into the family of God? Then after having been the human means of their spiritual
birth, have you acted like a good spiritual parent to them or have you just attended their birth only
to abandon them to spiritual nurseries called the church?
Unfortunately, far too many of those who are reproductively fruitful in begetting spiritual sons and
daughters, tend to think that their primary involvement in the new baby’s Christian's growth is
mostly limited to setting food on the table, and that the Holy Spirit now prefers to work alone in the
other areas where the new believer needs help to grow?
When you bring a newborn baby home from the hospital, you don't just set them down and say,
"Welcome to the family, Johnny. Make yourself at home. The towels are in the hall closet
upstairs, the pantry is right here, the can opener is in this drawer. No crying after 10 p.m. If you
have any questions there are lots of people in the family who would love to help you so don't be
afraid to ask. You laugh and say that is ridiculous, but that is what usually happens to new
Christians. Someone gets saved and starts going to church services, but never gets much
personal attention. We devote 18 years to raising our children, but don't even spend six months
helping a new Christian get started in understanding the spiritual world. As a result, many
people have been Christians for many years, but have not grown very much. Hebrews 5:12
refers to this phenomenon. So, new believers need someone to give them guidance and help
them grow.”
"Until others learn to draw on the life of the Lord Jesus directly, they will have to draw on His life
through you. You must literally be their source of supply, until they learn to take their nourishment
from God." (Oswald Chambers - My Utmost for His Highest - Feb 9)
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There is no substitute for genuine “togetherness” on a consistent basis. This is the first factor in
disciple-making as Jesus reveals when He chose the Twelve. We read in Mark 3:14 that he chose
twelve that “they might be with Him…” It bears repeating that a life worthy of emulation is better
caught than taught. The close association of the children with their biological parents results in
them catching what they have and are, and not just what they tell them. The same applies to
bringing spiritual babes to maturity as Fathers in the faith.
Spiritual parents should always remember that there’s a huge difference between vibrant family life
and an extended family getting together for a reunion. When family comes together for a reunion,
they present their best side to the larger family. Real families know that there are struggles and
strife as well as successes; happy times and hard times; hurtful encounters as well as helpful ones,
because they are together regularly and not just once or twice a year. Church attendance is more on
the lines of a family reunion than it is real family living. A once a week gathering for celebration
doesn’t give a whole of time or space for Body life functions or discipling opportunities.
Are there those that you come together with, not just as pals to hang out with, but as a maturing
parent in the faith with the intent of seeing them grow up to become spiritually reproductive
themselves?
According to Paul’s model, a disciple-maker must not only be like a nursing, nurturing mother but
also like an identity bestowing, destiny confirming father. Let’s consider some of the traits of
spiritual fathers.
3. He Reproduces Generationally -- 15
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1Cors 4:15 For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers. For I
became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel.
God’s plan is to reach the world with his gospel in the same manner in which he originally
populated it – by multiplication. The first assignment given to Adam and Eve is found in Genesis 1:
28, “And God blessed them. And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and
subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every
living thing that moves on the earth."
Multiplication is one of the essential principles of human life. The conception of new life in the
mother’s womb initiates a process of rapid cell division and multiplication that will produce a baby,
who, at the time of birth will be a body comprised of approximately 7 trillion cells. Speaking about
biological cell division, Dr. Daniel Mazia, professor of zoology at the University of California at
Berkeley, said, “The rule for life is double or nothing. With few exceptions a living cell either
reproduces or it dies: the principle is so simple that no one has bothered to call it a principle.
A cell is born in the division of a parent cell. It then doubles in every respect: in every part, in
every kind of molecule, even in the amount of water it contains.”
Likewise, spiritual multiplication is an essential principle for a healthy growing Body of Christ. With
additions, subtractions, and divisions, the Body of Christ will be stunted in growth and stymied as to
maturity. Only spiritual multiplication, using the pattern and procedure that Jesus modeled and
mandated for his disciples, will produce future generations of fruitful multipliers who will be able to
make disciples of all people groups.
Duane L. Anderson of the American Indian Bible Institute sums up the heart of spiritual parenting
as he notes, “The Master's plan for discipleship by imparting life, not just teaching about life - it is
spiritual parenting. It is showing, telling, supervising and releasing disciples to make disciples who can
then repeat the process once more. It is both an adventure of a lifetime and a lifetime of adventure.”
Paul manifests the characteristics of the spiritual fathering of the Corinthians I Corinthians 4:14-17.
As you read these verse, notice the progression: Paul warned them as beloved children; he became
a father instead of a mentor; he taught them to imitate his example; he sent Timothy to remind
them of his ways; he was consistent in his teaching everywhere.
Spiritual maturity requires helping Christians become “adult sons” that will become spiritual
fathers. Tragically, just as in the biological family, likewise in spiritual families, there are very
dysfunctional parents who get out of balance and either over-mother or over-father their spiritual
children. This results in children who are kept at home for all the wrong reasons.
(1) Wrong mothering wants to keep the children tied to her apron strings and be fearful of ever
leaving the house. There is no reproduction in the house because it is all family!
(2) Wrong fathering wants to keep the children at home for his own benefits of control or
convenience. If a father keeps his grown children at home in order to pay the bills when they are
ready to marry and build a home of their own, they won’t have opportunity to reproduce. A normal
parent encourages his or her children to go and establish their own homes! In the same way, any
spiritual leader who uses the people he should be serving to fulfill his own personal vision is a
dysfunctional, dead-beat dad!
Did you ever hear of a denomination of Christians called the Shakers? They were a religious group
that flourished in early 19th century America, building large communities in the eastern United
States.
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The Shakers were officially called The United Society of Believers in Christ’s Second Appearing, and
originated in Manchester, England in 1747 in the home of Jane and James Wardley. The Shakers
developed from the religious group called the Quakers which developed in the 17th century. Both
groups believed that everybody could find God within him or herself, rather than through clergy or
rituals, but the Shakers tended to be more emotional and demonstrative in their worship. Shakers
also believed that their lives should be dedicated to pursuing perfection and continuously
confessing their sins and attempting to stop sinning.
However, this once thriving group died out with the space of less than two generations? Why? It
was because of a peculiar theology they practiced: The Shakers did not believe in procreation so
therefore had to adopt a child if they wanted one. Another way they could expand their
community's population was to allow converts into the Shaker society to live and function as one.
When Shaker boys reached the age of twenty-one, they were given the choice to leave the Shaker
religion and go their own separate way or to continue on as a Shaker. The Shakers lived in
"families" sharing a large house with separate entrances for each family within the "family"; thus
the families were exclusively male or female — the sexes were segregated into separate living
areas. The nature of the Shaker religion set men and women equal to one another in religious
leadership, as celibacy left women free to participate fully in the religious system without having to
be distracted by childbearing. Because the Shakers believed in, and practiced, celibacy above
marriage, they had no opportunity to multiply.
Larry Kreider makes this point from the above illustration: “When a spiritual posterity is stunted like
it was for the Shakers, we reproduce no children and our legacy dies. Without raising up spiritual
fathers and mothers in our generation, we are in danger of losing the next generation. The Lord wants
to see spiritual families continually reproducing in each generation down through the ages. He has a
generational perspective, and we must too.”
To be an imitator means to copy every thing that you see. Have you ever had your child copy your
actions and repeat whatever you say? Annoying isn't it? Guess what, they are doing that 100% of
the time whether either one of you know it. Your children imitate you. The question is...is your life
worth imitating? If they followed you exactly what would be the outcome? Are you satisfied with
that outcome?”
Spiritual fathering requires an incarnational model in which Christ’s life hidden in the heart of the
spiritual father becomes Christ life manifested through the lifestyle and learning of the father. Paul
models consistently this life of Christ so that he could say to spiritual offspring, "imitate me." This is
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a very powerful statement and one that stirs questions and controversy. There are those who say, “I
don’t follow any man, but Christ alone!” Others point out the potential for tyrannical abuse by a Jim
Jones type figure. Although these objections are well taken, it still remains a fact that in biological
life as well as spiritual life, we learn more from association with those who love and lead us than we
do from those who only teach us.
A spiritual father sets a pattern for his children. Along this line of thought, Pastor John MacArthur
notes, “If you're discipling somebody, just set the pattern that you want them to be. Whatever you
want them to be is what you are. If you're not that then they're not going to be that either.”
Paul says basically the same thing in Philippians 4:9, "The things that you have heard and seen
in me, do." In other words, “Do what I do.
Again in 1 Corinthians 11:1, "Be you followers of me as I am of Christ." He's saying, "Look, I'm
the one to follow. I'm following Christ; you watch my life and make yours like mine."
Pastor John Piper weighs in on the potential for abuse of Paul’s admonitions, “Now, that troubles a
lot of us. Many people think Paul is conceited when he says that. But he is not. He is recognizing the
universal psychological principle that people will always follow what you do, not what you say. You
can talk your head off to people, but, if your life does not reflect what you say, they will not follow you.
They will pay no attention to it, because coming through all the time is that non-verbal
communication that is saying, "Yes, I am saying all this to you, but it is not really very important
because I do not bother to do it myself." The child picks up all the feelings that are coming through and
does just like the parents did.”
Paul said that because he could not come he was sending Timothy, who, because he had been a son
to him in the faith had learned to live like he lived and teach and train like him, Paul would be
present in the person of his spiritual son. Paul had done such a job on rearing Timothy that sending
Timothy was just like being there. Paul followed the example of Christ and Timothy knew Paul’s
lifestyle and teaching so well that he was able to go in Paul’s place to share with them how they
ought to “follow them as they follow Christ. They could see Paul’s life in Timothy. Timothy had
become like his spiritual father, Paul.
For the most part, children will become like their parents. Although my father had numerous traits
that I am sure even he would not want me to emulate, nevertheless, I am amazed at how much of
my father is in me. Of course, this is true biologically, but is also true in many other ways as well. I
resemble him in so many ways in my personality and mannerisms.
Discipling, spiritual parenting, or mentoring isn't just a matter of teaching and applying biblical
principles, it is living these principles before those spiritual children the Father has given us.
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purpose in so doing was to remind them of his ways in Christ, to refresh their memory as to his
preaching and practice, what he taught, and how he lived among them.
What did Paul teach his spiritual children? What are we to teach ours? Some would suggest
principles to live by, and others would suggests basic doctrines that we need to know. Principles
and the teachings of the Bible are important, but not ultimate. The goal of all our Christian teaching
from scripture should be to get us beyond just principles and precepts to the Person about whom
and for whom all the Bible was written – King Jesus!
The Bible isn’t a philosophical treatise, a systematic theology, a confession of faith, a handbook for
making disciples, or a book of success formulas that reveals how to make it big in life. It is a book of
stories that are designed not to just inform us about God, but to suck us into the story and involve
us a never-ending love-relationship with the True and Living God. The written Word – the Bible, is
designed to get us to the Living Word – Jesus. It’s designed to transform us and not just inform us;
to stir our hearts and not provide us with a lot of charts; to satisfy our minds, fire our imaginations,
fuel our emotions, kindle the flames of worship, and be a lamp of for our feet and a light for our
path!
Herb Hodges explains the importance of teaching in the Great Commission assignment: “There is
never to be a moment of my life as a Christian when I am not teaching! Whether by intentional
example, overt statement, specific planned curriculum, silent influence, structured or unstructured
settings, I am to be an indefatigable communicator of the One Who is my Life. Every believer is to be a
teacher, whether he has the gift of teaching or not. The means of communication which are available
today are so many and so convincing that a Christian can hardly offer a valid excuse for not teaching.”
It should be obvious that spiritual parenting model requires the spiritual father/mother to be
teaching all the time, as Herb said, whether by “intentional example, overt statement, specific
planned curriculum, silent influence, structured or unstructured settings, I am to be an
indefatigable communicator of the One Who is my Life.”
The game wardens were amazed to discover that young bull elephants were harassing the rhinos without
provocation. Although unnatural for them, these teenaged elephants were chasing these white rhinos for long
distances, throwing sticks at them and stomping them to death. Why were these elephants acting so violently?
The answer would be found in a decision made 20 years earlier.
Because the Kruger National Park was unable to support a continuously increasing population of elephants,
park officials had decided to transport some of them to the Pilanesberg Preserve. The elephants too large to
transport were killed, including a significant number of mature bulls. As a result, the elephants that were guilty
of killing the rhinos matured without the influence and presence of mature males. Park rangers and scientists
discovered that without the older presence of mature bulls, these young male elephants were suffering from
excessive testosterone and becoming increasingly violent.
To preserve the white rhino population, park officials killed five of the most aggressive young bull elephants
while determining to find a suitable answer for this aberration of nature. Park rangers decided to import older
bulls in order to view their influence on the remaining young males. The young bulls learned quickly that they
were no match for the more mature elephants. The older bulls began to assume their place among the herd as
fathers and disciplinarians.
The younger, aggressive bulls could no longer impose their unchallenged, immature bullying. Eventually the
young bulls began following the older ones. It became apparent that they enjoyed these new relationships with
the older, more mature males. The former lawbreakers yielded to the new discipline and returned to normal
patterns of elephant behavior. There has not been a report of any dead rhinos since the arrival of the more
mature elephants.
This is a parable of life in the Family of Faith – the Church – and its potential disastrous results when there is the
absence of maturing spiritual parents to bring the little children to maturity. When mature Christian men and
women do not assume their responsibility, the younger, and more energetic and yet immature ones take their
places. These leaders are not equipped for the task that lies before them.”
Shirley Hampton prophecies that “spiritual fathering and mothering will catapult the church into
the harvest. God is preparing this support system – spiritual parents with the heart of our heavenly
Father – that will birth, nurture, protect, equip, and release those coming in.” She says, “Church, get
ready for changing messy diapers and middle-of-the-night feedings! But, oh the joy that comes as
we see those spiritual babes becoming an expression of the Bride who brings our heavenly
Bridegroom great pleasure!”
I pray this prayer for all those reading or hearing this teaching: “Lord, may every believer be
captured by the call and commission to become spiritual parents. May they be prolifically used
of you to birth and build spiritual children who come into the Family to join them as they serve
and encourage each other toward maturity. May they be so captured and motivated by the
potential trials, troubles, and triumphs of spiritual parenting that they are never bored by
underemployment in the Family Firm of Almighty and Sons.”
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