0469618750

Su Yin Lee
Sister in Charge
Hampstead Rehabilitation Center
695 Hampstead Road
Greenacres
5029

12/06/2007

Dear Su Yin Lee, Comment [bnchmrk1]: Ms

Re: Shannon Wame, a 23-year-old third year university student

I am writing to you regarding Shannon, who has been treated for a severe car accident injury
with probable permanent neurological damage , and requires a continuous rehabilitative care Comment [bnchmrk2]: was diagnosed with
after his discharge on the 14th of June. Comment [bnchmrk3]: following a car accident.
Comment [bnchmrk4]: He
Shannon has been hospitalized for about three months for his broken neck and pelvis fracture
resulting from a car accident. He has made good progress. His bed sores were improved as his
mobility has gradually increased; he has recently started using a wheelchair. Despite this, he Comment [bnchmrk5]: due to increased mobility
will require high level of care sometimes.

Shannon’s mobility, speech, and memory might be affected due to the permanent
neurological damage, for which he requires a range of therapy every week, including
physiotherapy, hydrotherapy and speech therapy. In addition, he takes Nurofen for his
frequent headache. For your information, he is eligible for disability pension, and his parents
are keen to care for him.

Shannon will require your assistance to overcome his depression that has developed after the
accident. This can be alleviated with an engagement of activities and interests that he enjoys.
Connecting him with people at same age via community access services will also be helpful as
well as continuing his studies externally during his recovery. Could you please arrange these
for him?

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely,
RN
219 W

Report
Word length 219
Comments Unnecessary pieces of information are visible.
Word choice could be better. Nevertheless, the
letter meets the expectations.
Grade B+
Advice 1. Try to summarise information in fewer words.
2. Improve word choice.
3. Keep up the good work!

Occupational English Test

Writing test: Nurses

Time allowed: 40 minutes

Read the case notes below and complete the writing task which follows.

296 Henley Beach Rd, Underdale, 5032

http://www.benchmarkedu.com.au/oet-writing-correction
www.benchmarkedu.com.au/pteoetielts
 0469618750
Shannon Warne, 23, is a university student who was involved in a car accident three
months previously. He has been in the Royal Adelaide Hospital for three months and is
ready to be transferred to the Hampstead Rehabilitation Centre.

Name: Shannon Warne

Age: 23 years

Admitted: April 6, 2007

Discharged: June 14, 2007

Diagnosis:

• Broken neck and fractured pelvis.

• Probable permanent neurological damage affecting mobility, speech and memory areas

Social background:

• Single. 3rd year architectural studies student at Adelaide University

• Was living in flat but now needs long term rehabilitation

• Parents living and willing to care for him; may eventually return home

• Currently eligible for disability pension

Nursing management and progress:

• Has made good progress but will need high level care for some time

• Recently started using a wheelchair

• Needs daily physiotherapy, hydrotherapy 2x a week and speech therapy 3x a week

• Was suffering bed sores but improving with increased mobility

• Frequent headaches Nurofen 200g max 4x a day

Discharge plan:

• Depression needs to be treated with activities and interests; likes reading & writing

• Contact university for possible continuation of studies externally

• Needs contact with people his own age – community access?

• No special dietary requirements

Writing task:

Write a letter to Su Yin Lee, Sister in Charge, Hampstead Rehabilitation Centre, 695
Hampstead Road, Greenacres 5029 using the information in the case notes. Do not use note
form in the letter; expand the relevant case notes into full sentences.

296 Henley Beach Rd, Underdale, 5032

http://www.benchmarkedu.com.au/oet-writing-correction
www.benchmarkedu.com.au/pteoetielts