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Dear Dad

I've experienced many different barriers in my life but the worst barrier that I
have faced was when my dad went to jail.
When I was young I knew my dad wasn't a good guy. I knew he did bad things,
but I didn’t know that he was capable of doing something that could send him to jail. My
dad wasn’t the kind of guy who would work so he could support his family, my dad was
the kind of person that didnt care about his family. He joined a gang when I was 1, he
was always doing some sort of drug. My dad would always come home around 2 in the
morning. When he would get home, my mom and dad would always start bickering. It
happened so often that it kind of became a routine, so I was use to the yelling and
arguing.
One night my mom had left like around 9. I began to get worried because my
mom would never leave that late unless something was really wrong. I had ended
passing out before she came home.
I woke up to my mom crying and talking to my family about how my dad had
done something unspeakable. I went to the living room confused and scared because I
was worried because my mom doesn't usually cry. My mom came and sat next to me,
she was comforting me and I didnt know why I thought everything was ok. I began to
get scared about what had happened that night.
So a few hours passed. My mom wasn’t crying anymore but she still looked sad
and hurt. So I went up to her and asked, “Why were you crying ma?” She told me that
my dad wasn’t going to be here with us anymore. And my whole life shut when she said
that. I zoned out. I started bursting into tears and I thought he died. But then she said
he didn’t die mija. She said he is going to jail and I said why and she said “I'll tell you
when you get older you won’t understand.” I didn’t believe her, I didn’t believe anyone.
She didn’t want to tell me why so I just didn’t believe her. But I didn’t try asking anyone.
I just stayed quit and in pain like what I saw in my mom.
Few days pass… My mom looked even more hurt. I was hurt and so was my sister.
We looked like a depressed family. All of us just were broken and disappointed in my
dad. I didn’t understand. As I told you my dad wasn’t really a good dad and he didn’t
really ever show neither me or my sister or my mom love. I didn’t know why I was sad
he was always mean to me. He never showed me love. He was never the dad that my
friends had. He was never even a dad to me. I didn’t understand anything. I was
confused, hurt and I didn’t feel complete. My mom thought she was another story. She
looked sad. She looked hurt. If you saw her she looked like she was drowning herself in
her pain. Everyday she looked sader. My sister didn’t care. She was always scared of my
dad. So she wasn’t hurt she was sad but okay.
A few years passed. My dad still wasn’t with me. But I knew what he did now. As I
was growing up, he would write me and my sister letter and drew pictures of us and sent
them to us. After I knew what he did I didn’t really like him. I still loved him but not as
much. He knew that the things he did were wrong. He knew that he could’ve went to jail.
But he didn’t care about us. He just cared for himself. He left me at a very young age. I
ended up just believing my mom. I faced it and I knew he wasn’t going to be ever in my
life again because of the bad decisions he made. I knew I was going to see him again in
life but I know that it isn't soon. Probably like in 5 years i'll see him because my mom
told as long as she is living on this world she doesn’t want me seeing him because he did
harm to me and not just me, but to all my family. But she said when I move out I can see
him.
He just got out of jail 2 years ago. And he's been trying to contact me and my
sister. And when it is Christmas, my sisters and I actually got to talk to him. But every
since we haven’t talked. When we were on the phone he seemed to changed and he
sounded nicer he sounded happy too. Maybe it was because he was doing good or
because he was happy that he was talking to me and my sisters. I seem to be the one
closer to my dad than all of my sisters. I get mad at myself because I don't want him to
come back in my life because he did horrible decisions.
Till this day I still think about my dad. And sometimes, yeah I start crying
because I just wished I had a dad. I have a step dad and yeah he's like a dad to me
because he has been with me since I was like 5 so he was like the dad I never had. But I
know he isn’t my real dad. So I just start crying when I read my dad’s letters or when i
think about him. I love him and miss him a lot. And I hope when day I get to see him
and just forget about all the bad things he did to me and my family. Because I know
deep down he is a loving, kind, caring man. He justs needs to find it.
So out of Jackie Robinson’s 9 values, I think I had a lot of courage. I think I had a
lot of courage because I got myself through it. And I had courage to keep on going in life
with or without my dad. I just kept on fighting. Also commitment because I just
promised myself to never ever let my dad’s thing ever stop me in life.