Penelopiad ppr

by Hannah Baumgartner

Submission date: 11-Dec-2018 06:13AM (UT C-0500)

Submission ID: 1055017932
File name: Penelopiad_PPR.docx (20.1K)
Word count: 782
Character count: 4132
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Penelopiad ppr
GRADEMARK REPORT

FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS

Instructor

58
PAGE 1
/60

Comment 1
you say the opposite in your conclusion. Which should I believe?

Comment 2
Review the construction of this sentence. You use a comma and conjunction, but there are not
two independent clauses.

PAGE 2

Comment 3
interesting choice of analysis.

Comment 4
within?

Comment 5
not sure I'd characterize the relationship as "f un" but you are making an interesting point.
Maybe you can revisit this metaphor. T here is an element of truth you can suss out with this
analagy.

Comment 6
this is very interesting, but probably needs its own paragraph to f ully develop. You're drif ting
of f the topic f rom the original topic sentence: "moral decision in everyday lif e" and moving
 toward interactions within power dynamics. Both very complex and interesting ideas, but they
need to be separated.

PAGE 3

Comment 7
need a comma here or better a conjunction.

Comment 8
hmmm...might need some evidence to support this.

Comment 9
"our" being whom? T his is kind of a sweeping generalization. T his is not true of all societies.

Comment 10
center this, and keep it the same f ont size.

Comment 11
alphabetize by f irst word "atwood" f irst.

Comment 12
I really like your approach and the idea you present in your analysis. It's an interesting choice
f rom which to read the text, sort of an egalitarianism approach. I applaud the unique f orm of
inquiry. However, what with the overwhelming evidence of wealth disparity in the world, you're
really f ighting in uphill battle. Good f or you! But the reality of the current situation must be
addressed, and if things are truly changing, you'll need some direct supporting evidence to
bolster your points. I think you are right in that we've made a lot of progress in some areas, but
how does that help the maids? An interesting choice in viewing them as examples of the lower
class and as an exploration into class issues and how that af f ects interactions. I'd like to see a
bit more on how that power dynamic inf luences interactions between the classes. T hat seems
to be part of your thesis and could use a bit more elaboration. Also, you talk about morality,
but could clarif y in the text who has the moral high-ground, who is morally correct? How does
that play out in our world.

Good job again. I'm really impressed with your writing. You really need to think about the IB
program when the time comes.
RUBRIC: 9 TH-12TH GRADE ANALYSIS

CLAIM/FOCUS Advanced
Claim and Focus: Make a clear claim about the text(s) early in the essay and f ocus on proving it.

ADVANCED T he essay makes a clear claim about the purpose, ef f ectiveness, or message of the
text(s) based on the strategies, techniques, or devices of the text(s). T he essay
maintains f ocus on analyzing the text(s), using the whole essay to develop the claim
and thoroughly address the demands of the prompt.

PROFICIENT T he essay makes a clear claim about the purpose, ef f ectiveness, or message of the
text(s). T he essay maintains a f ocus on the text(s), but may stray at times f rom
developing the claim. If more than one text is being analyzed, the essay demonstrates
a good balance between or among the texts and addresses the demands of the
prompt.

DEVELOPING T he essay makes a claim about the text(s), but may not connect the claim to the
strategies, techniques, or devices of the text(s). T he essay may maintain f ocus on
the text(s), but not the analysis (or vice versa). If more than one text is being
analyzed, the writer may neglect one or more and may not f ully address the demands
of the prompt.

EMERGING T he essay does not have a claim about the text or about the strategies, techniques,
or devices of the text(s), but may instead of f er overly general f acts as a claim. T he
essay does not develop a claim throughout the essay and does not address the
demands of the prompt.

ANALYSIS/EVID Advanced
Analysis and Evidence: Choose the right evidence and analyze the evidence's purpose and ef f ect.

ADVANCED T he essay cites the most appropriate and valid evidence to support its claim and f ully
explains how the evidence cited leads to the message or purpose of the text(s). T he
essay demonstrates insightf ul reasoning and f ull understanding of the strategies of
the text(s).

PROFICIENT T he essay cites appropriate evidence to support its claim and f ollows up evidence
with explanations of how it works to achieve the author's message. Summary, if
present, is balanced with analysis. T he essay demonstrates some reasoning and a
basic understanding of the text's or texts' strategies.

DEVELOPING T he essay relies too heavily on summary and of f ers only vague analysis to support
its claim and evidence is not f ollowed up with analysis. T he essay demonstrates very
little reasoning, and instead includes assertions about the text's or texts' strategies.

EMERGING T he essay does not use evidence f rom the text(s) f or the purpose of analysis. T he
essay may incorporate summary without analysis, neglecting to f ocus on the
f eatures of the text(s).

ORGANIZ AT ION Advanced

Organization: Include an engaging introduction and strong conclusion. Use transitions throughout the
essay to make connections clear.

ADVANCED T he essay incorporates ef f ective transitions and an organizational structure that

enhances the analysis. T he essay includes an ef f ective introductory paragraph and a
concluding paragraph.

PROFICIENT T he essay's transitions and structure make it clear and easy to f ollow. T he essay
includes an introductory paragraph or statement, as well as a concluding paragraph
or statement.

DEVELOPING T he essay's transitions and structure may interf ere with a f ull understanding of the
writer's claim. T he essay includes an attempt at an introduction/introductory
statement and/or conclusion/concluding statement.

EMERGING T he lack of transitions and structure make the essay hard to f ollow. T he essay is
missing an introduction or conclusion of any kind.

LANG/ST YLE Advanced

Language and Style: Use specif ic, interesting language and clear sentence structure to communicate ideas.

ADVANCED T he essay has an established, f ormal style and objective tone that is maintained
throughout. T he essay uses mostly correct, varied sentence structure and uses
precise language and domain-specif ic vocabulary in a way that addresses the
complexity of the topic. Few errors are present, and they do not interf ere with
meaning.

PROFICIENT T he essay has an established, f ormal style that is maintained throughout. T he essay
uses mostly correct, varied sentence structure and generally uses precise language
and domain-specif ic vocabulary in way that generally addresses the complexity of the
topic. T he essay may have some errors, but they do not interf ere with meaning.

DEVELOPING T he essay attempts to establish a f ormal style that may not be maintained
throughout. T he essay attempts to vary sentence structure and uses some precise
language that may be domain-specif ic at times in a way that may address the
complexity of the topic inconsistently. T he essay contains some errors that may, at
times, interf ere with meaning.

EMERGING T he essay does not establish and/or maintain a f ormal style. T he essay uses little
variety in sentence structure, and the language is general and not domain-specif ic.
T he essay contains errors that interf ere with meaning.