Automatic Thoughts and How They Affect Us

Many of our thoughts are automatic. We don’t intentionally

think them. We might even rather not think them.
They can be positive or negative. But they jump into our
consciousness without any planning or conscious prompting.
And they often carry a specific message.
For example, a young woman who’s afraid of being rejected
by men frequently tells herself, after meeting an interesting
young man: He isn’t interested in me. I’m not attractive
enough.
By repeating this thought to herself over and over, she
reinforces her belief in it—whether it’s true or not. She doesn’t
intend to think it. It just pops into her mind when she considers
her romantic possibilities. It has become automatic.
Often, an automatic thought surfaces, not in complete form,
but in a shorthand manner. It may take the form of a visual
image or just a few words, such as a brief memory or a series of
disconnected words, that brings to mind an entire group of
painful memories, fears, or self-degrading comments.
Though these thoughts appear spontaneously, we tend to
think of them as true. The thought is there, we rationalize. Why
shouldn’t it be true?
But when we fail to test toxic thoughts, comparing them to
what we know is true, they can begin to occur more frequently
—and we believe them more and more.
Automatic thoughts often include the words must, should,
or ought. These are “torture words,” because they elevate guilt
and lower self-esteem.
“I should do this . . .” or “I must be a perfect mother” or “I
ought to be consistent and never make a mistake.”
When these words appear on the screen of your mind, they
generate hopelessness. We’ll hear more about these words
later in this book.
Automatic thoughts “awfulize” situations. These thoughts
expect the worst, see the danger behind every bush, and create
intense anxiety—and they often appear somewhat reasonable.
They can color our attitude for days. And because they just
pop in, they may be camouflaged amid other thoughts. It’s
hard to put a leash on them, as they tend to come and go. Have
you ever tried to put a leash on a dog that’s moving around? It
just doesn’t happen.
Automatic thoughts are learned. We listen to others and
what they say about us, and we believe the statements. And
what’s more, we tend to become what we believe.