Mastering Adulthood Functions of Primary Emotions

Functions of Primary Emotions

Emotion Action Tendency Meaning Communicated Need Indicated

Sadness Slow down, withdraw, isolate, cry There has been a loss. Healing

Fear and anxiety Run away! Avoid, freeze Danger! Threat! Safety

Anger Attack (physically or verbally), Someone is taking advantage. Protect, draw a boundary
use a loud voice tone Not fair! There is a blocked intention.

Disgust Look away, avoid consuming, Don’t eat that! This is bad for me. Distance from offending event
scrunch up nose and mouth

Love Care for, nurture, protect, The recipient “is worthy.” Stay close. Connection, relationship
show kindness

© 2019 Lara E. Fielding / New Harbinger Publications.

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Mastering Adulthood Dashboard Instructions

Dashboard Instructions

The dashboard form is the essential basis for the work you will be doing in this book. Below are the detailed
instructions for completing it. To begin, please print out eight to twelve copies of the form to have ready when
you are!

Why?
There are three primary purposes for collecting dashboards of your experience.

1. You will build your mindfulness in day-to-day life and specifically your ability to recognize the relationship
between events. Dashboarding will help you recognize how your ETA (emotions, thoughts, actions) regula-
tion system gets triggered.
2. With practice, you will begin to see the patterns that lead to unhelpful reactions.

3. When you see your patterns clearly, you will know when you need to use your skills!

When
Dashboard whenever you notice distress or find yourself avoiding, procrastinating, or making choices that are
not consistent with your true-north values and goals. Distress and avoidance are signals that something is going
on that is in need of your mindful attention. All you have to do is plug your experiences into the form as close in
time as possible to when you notice that

• you’re having a heightened emotional reaction or got really stressed out about something,

• you’re avoiding or procrastinating doing something you need to do (including the practices in this book!),
or

• you did the target behavior you want to change.

Practice tip. If it does not become immediately obvious to you when you should complete the dashboard form, try
actively bringing to mind goals you have yet to pursue or accomplish. Write “Brought to mind my goal of…” in the fact
section. Then complete the remainder of the form as directed below.

© 2019 Lara E. Fielding / New Harbinger Publications.

Permission is granted to the reader to reproduce this form for personal use.
Mastering Adulthood Dashboard Instructions

How
Situation and facts are the external events (the what, where, when, and who) that anyone observing would agree
to (such as I was at work, talking with colleagues, or given a project at work or school). Do not elaborate or add
interpretations, assumptions, or reactions. These will go into the following columns.
Thoughts are the interpretations (the images, memories, beliefs, or assumptions) about the facts that come to
mind as a result of the situation or when you noticed distress or avoidance (such as This is awkward. They think
I am odd. If I open my mouth, I’ll say something stupid. I can’t do this!). It might be helpful to ask yourself, What do
these facts mean to me? What do these facts mean about my future, myself, or others? You may write as many
thoughts as you can identify. But, as best you can, identify the thought(s) that have the most punch.

Practice tip. If you notice thoughts primarily in the form of questions, write them as statements instead. For example,
if the thought is, What am I supposed to do?, write, “I don’t know what to do.” If you have lots and lots of thoughts, write
down the ones that are most related to the situation and consistent with the emotion you put in the next column.

Emotions are the single-word descriptors of your emotional experience. While emotions are a complex inter-
action of all of these factors, for the purposes here, you will divide them into separate categories. So, as best you
can, find the one-word emotion, such as sad, angry, or anxious, to describe your emotional experience. You may
have multiple single-word emotions. But if your description is more than one word, it belongs in the thoughts
section.

Practice tip. Recall that it’s very important to find the best-fitting emotional label. If you are having difficulty effec-
tively finding words to describe an emotion, refer to the Emotions and Their Action Tendencies table in chapter 10.

Bodily sensations are the physical sensations experienced in a particular part of your body. Make sure that
sensations are described in terms of a body part (for example, pounding in my chest, sweaty palms, tightness in
my shoulders) and not as an idea or interpretation of a bodily sensation (such as I felt like my heart was going to
jump out of my chest). Describe the experience in physical sensation terms, such as sharp, dull, itchy, agitated,
pressure, temperature, and so forth.
Action impulses are the reactions you have to the other components. The most obvious ones may be to avoid
the facts of the situation, to act on the emotion, or to behave in a way that minimizes the discomfort. But some-
times, the “action” is a way of thinking, or a “cognitive strategy.” Examples of cognitive strategies may include
distracting yourself, changing the subject, thinking about something more pleasant, numbing your thoughts,
problem solving, or blaming. This section is very important as this is where the emotional habits that derail you
or keep you stuck are likely to show up! Both behavioral and cognitive strategies are usually ways to manage the
internal discomfort in the short term while losing sight of the long-term goals.
Mastering Adulthood Dashboard

Dashboard

Instructions: In the table below, identify the content for each component of your experience in the moment when you were triggered, were avoiding
or procrastinating, or engaged in a behavior you are trying to change.

Component Content

Situation and Facts: The who, what, and where

upon which everyone would agree

Thoughts: Images, ideas, interpretations, memories,

predictions

Emotions: The one-word emotion labels

Bodily Sensations: Touch, tingling, temperature,

and so forth in a specific body part

Action Impulses: What you did or were tempted

to do

© 2019 Lara E. Fielding / New Harbinger Publications.

Permission is granted to the reader to reproduce this form for personal use.
Mastering Adulthood Steps for Identifying Your Patterns

Steps for Identifying Your Patterns

If you’re having trouble finding your patterns, the following instructions will help you dig deeper to find the
relationship between events. You are looking for repetition of particular content within each component of your
experience (situation, thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, and action impulses). Keep an eye out for the rela-
tionship between each: how certain situations tend to elicit particular types of emotions, thoughts, and action
impulses. Do you have two or more examples where a similar type of situation elicited a strong reaction? Or
perhaps the situations do not seem related, but is there an underlying assumption or belief that is activated?
Before you begin, print the Summary Dashboard and Master Dashboard forms. The Master Dashboard will
help you categorize your experience. On the Summary Dashboard, you will enter the most common themes or
patterns you find from your individual dashboards. Gather all the dashboards you have completed and go through
the following steps.

Step 1: Review all your completed dashboards and find the content label on the Master Dashboard that best
matches each entry.

Step 2: Identify the most common content label within a specific component (facts, thoughts, emotions, bodily
sensations, action impulse) that appears on your forms. Write this label on the Summary Dashboard within the
same component where you found it.

Step 3: Evaluate all the entries you made that included this content label. Next, identify the next most common
type of content label that occurred together with the first one you identified. For example, if you identified
uncertainty as the most common content within the facts component, look for what showed up most frequently
within the other four components (thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, and action impulses).

Step 4: Enter the content label for this co-occurring content into the appropriate component box. For example,
if you found that anxiety was the emotion that showed up most frequently within the uncertainty situations,
write this down on the same row of your Summary Dashboard.

Step 5: Mark the scenarios that include both of these events. Repeat the process for the remaining components
you identified in step 2. Write the related content labels in the appropriate component boxes.
These steps should give you an idea of a pattern. If you have another commonly occurring content label that
does not occur primarily within the first pattern, repeat the steps for this event.

© 2019 Lara E. Fielding / New Harbinger Publications.

Permission is granted to the reader to reproduce this form for personal use.
Mastering Adulthood Steps for Identifying Your Patterns

Troubleshooting
Sometimes it can be difficult to pigeonhole your experience into a simple label. So, some of your content might
seem to fit into more than one category on the Master Dashboard or none at all. If any content within a com-
ponent from your dashboard seems to fall into more than one category from the Master Dashboard, as best you
can, choose the one that seems most relevant to you. If none of the categories seem to fit, see if you can come
up with a label that encapsulates the kind of experiences you are having.

Definitions
Master Dashboard. The form containing specific labels for the types of events within a component of the specific
situational experience.

Components. The categories of experience on each dashboard: facts, emotions, thoughts, bodily sensations, and
action impulses.

Content. What you noticed and wrote down within the dashboard component, such as anxiety in the emotions
component, or judgmental thinking in the thoughts component.

Labels. The specific word classifier to help organize and simplify your descriptions. For example, if the fact is at
a party with friends, the label would be social situation.
Mastering Adulthood Goals and Commitments

Goals and Commitments

Instructions: Use the forms below to reverse-engineer the steps to link your true-north values (chapter 6) with
your goals, commitments (chapter 7), and skills to be practiced.

My true-north value(s):

In the service of this value, I want to be the kind of person who…

Mile markers:
2- to 5-year goals

Mini–mile markers:
goals in the coming months

© 2019 Lara E. Fielding / New Harbinger Publications.

Permission is granted to the reader to reproduce this form for personal use.
Mastering Adulthood Goals and Commitments

Below is a summary table of all the skills in chapters 8 through 11. As you go through these chapters, circle
the skills you found most useful. You will come back to these when preparing your Mindful-Mastery Practice
Plan in chapter 12!

Emotion Skills Thought Skills Action Skills

Body Scan Noticing Mind Habits and Ice, Ice Baby
Redirecting to Present Moment

Willingness Hands Defusing from Thoughts: Thought Paced Breathing

Repetition

Label and Validation Statement Defused Speaking (“I’m noticing Holding Tight and Letting Go
the thought…”)

Self-Compassion Willingness Hands or Awareness Half-Smile

and Acceptance Mantra

Taking Emotional Roll Call Breath, Body, Sound Meditation Opposite Action

Bring It On! Beach Balls on the Water Self-Care: Skillful M.E.A.N.S.

Meditation (Meditation, Exercise, Abstinence,
Nutrition, Sleep)

Visualizing Success Listening to Thoughts for a Secret The VAR Skill (Mindful
Assertiveness)

Exposure to Uncertainty Noticing Mind Warps Maintaining Commitment to

Values

Loving-Kindness Meditation What’s Being Left Out? Checking Levels of Commitment

the Facts

Further narrow down your goals by identifying the small actionable steps you can take as commitments in
the coming weeks. Remember, no action is too small! You may create a brainstorm list of these on a separate piece
of paper before entering them below in a hierarchy, from least distressing to most. Identify potential barriers with
which you will need to be skillful. As you go through the skills practices, select skills to help you overcome bar-
riers and maintain your commitments.
Mastering Adulthood Goals and Commitments

Commitments for the Level of Potential Barriers Skills Needed

Coming Weeks Distress
(0–100)
Mastering Adulthood Mindful-Mastery Practice Plan

Mindful-Mastery Practice Plan

Instructions: In this form, record what you have learned on your journey of self-discovery toward mastering
adulthood. Write down your true-north values and the situations that tend to trigger you (the facts) at the top.
List the most common patterns you found in your dashboards on the left. On the right, match the skills you
found most helpful for each piece of your experience.

TRUE NORTH:

FACTS:

AUTOPILOT MINDFUL-MASTERY

EMOTIONS: VALIDATE:

Skill 1:

Skill 2:

Skill 3:

THOUGHTS: CHECK:

Skill 1:

Skill 2:

Skill 3:

ACTION IMPULSES: CHANGE:

Skill 1:

Skill 2:

Skill 3:

© 2019 Lara E. Fielding / New Harbinger Publications.

Permission is granted to the reader to reproduce this form for personal use.
Mastering Adulthood Summary Dashboard

Summary Dashboard

Instructions: In the table below, enter the most common patterns found across the individual dashboards you collected.

Facts Thoughts Emotions Bodily Sensations Action Impulses

Example: Social, Example: Mind reading, Example: Anxiety, Example: Tension, chest Example: Overeat, use
interpersonal situations judging frustration pounding, shortness of breath substances

© 2019 Lara E. Fielding / New Harbinger Publications.

Permission is granted to the reader to reproduce this form for personal use.
Mastering Adulthood Master Dashboard

Master Dashboard

This table contains some typical dashboard component content, which you may find in your own data collection process. Further compartmental-
izing your experience to match these content labels may be useful in identifying the patterns in the relationship between events.

FACTS THOUGHTS EMOTIONS BODILY SENSATIONS ACTION IMPULSES

Authority figures All-or-nothing Anger or irritation Bodily or facial tension Avoid, withdraw, or
procrastinate

Being alone Blaming and judging Anxiety or fear Dizziness or nausea Control situation or
problem solve

Family of origin Catastrophizing Disgust or disdain Chest pounding Distract yourself or space
out

Loss Emotional reasoning Envy or resentment Sweating Use alcohol, drugs, or food

Performance or Mind reading Guilt or regret Heaviness or fatigue Shut down expressiveness
productivity

Romantic/Intimacy Minimizing or magnifying Loneliness, boredom, or Shortness of breath Overoffer or ingratiate

abandonment

Safety or uncertainty Overgeneralizing Sadness or disappointment Tingling or agitation Ruminate or worry

Social or interpersonal Personalizing Shame or embarrassment Numbness Seek reassurance or

overassert

Illness Time traveling Love or passion Pain Yell, berate, or attack

© 2019 Lara E. Fielding / New Harbinger Publications.

Permission is granted to the reader to reproduce this form for personal use.