Mother Haggle’s Notice Board

The MaGic Cow

in e e x c u r s io n s f o r 1s t l evel
6 bov

alrite u little s***

get back in the god**** pen
or so help me

b a d G e r
@de athby
 A Note from the Author

ello, Ducklings. I hear you might be doing some work

H for Mother Haggle. Courageous indeed. She takes no

responsibility for death, dismemberment, madness or other
lasting health concerns acquired whilst in her employ. You will, of
course, be reimbursed handsomely for those tasks which you complete
to her satisfaction. Now, off with you. Don't you have some work to
be getting on with?

- MOO
MOther HaGGLE HAS A
JOb FOR YOU...

Lost & FOUND

Mother Haggle is an old crone who operates a Lost & Found emporium on the edge
of the Misty Forest. Over the years, her enterprise has grown significantly, and
has turned into something of a ramshackle hamlet. With a reputation for paying
generously, Mother Haggle is a popular employer for mercenaries of all kinds. She has
so much she wants done. after all.

MOTHER HAGGLE
An old crone dressed in dusty and archaic clothes, Mother Haggle isn’t a particularly
pleasant sight. She calls most people her ‘ducklings’, and doesn’t seem very upset when
people don’t return from their assignments. She has a little leaderboard she uses to
keep track of her favourite mercenaries. She’s often accompanied by her tiefling maid,
Hope, who she beats mercilessly with a broom for the slightest mistakes. What are her
siatistics, you ask? Well, that’s a very good question. You should ask her, after you’ve
done that little job for her. Now hurry along, duckling, she hasn’t got all day.

DM NOTES
These adventures often use materials from the Core Books, Volo’s Guide To Monsters
and Xanathar’s Guide to Everything. If they mention something from an adventure
path or more obscure work, it will be referenced in a footnote where space permits.
Equally, feel free to make replacements, assumptions or just plain use what you need
from this to make it your own. Where details aren’t given, assume it isn’t important
and wing it. Just do me a favour and make some player characters suffer.
 Mother Haggle’s Notice Board

How it worKs
Plausible Complications
The QUEST
This is the box where reasonable
The Jokes Are In Bold adjustments or extensions of the
Here, you get a brief summary of what problems in the Core Problem are
the goal is. It could be to rescue a cow, expanded on. Things will be a little more
kill some goblins, or to massage Mother difficult or interesting if you throw the
Haggle's ugly old feet. Just kidding, odd Plausible Complication in.
that's what she has slaves for.
eg. The cow has wandered into a giant
spider nest.

THE Core Problem

Unlikely Disasters
This is the box where the core conceit
of the problem is contained. It's usually
separated into three distinct facets. If it This is where the really unreasonable
isn't mentioned here, then it probably problems are kept. If the players
isn't important. Yes, it's lovely to have have circumvented the main problem
a fully fleshed out scenario where you somehow, found it too easy, or you
know what the colour of every bloody just feel like being a massive bellend,
weed it, but Mother Haggle just doesn't you should throw one or more of these
have time for all that nonsense. developments at the characters.
Eg. The core problem might be that eg. The cow can fly. And breathe fire.
a cow has wandered off that needs
catching. NB. Throw too many of these in, and
you'll have a glorious bloodbath. Your
players may also quit.

"Gee, where is my detailed description of every

blade of Grass?"
Ok, pack it in.
You definitely were just going to skim the module and improvise most of it anyway.
I've saved you loads of time - you're welcome.
You can thank Mother Haggle by sending her a bag of your toenails -
she can use them to feed her familiar, the Grumbletoad.
@deathbybadger 2017 Permission granted to print or photocopy this document for personal use only. Not for resale.
 Mother Haggle’s Notice Board

The Prime Moo-ver Lv.1 ShenaniGan

Plausible Complications
The QUEST
Friends and Family Wolves!
Mother Haggle wants her cow back. It’s a Perhaps a band of wolves attack the
special cow, or so she says - sentimental, village, tempted by the alluring scent of
like. It belonged to her mother, which fresh gnome snacks.
seems to be reason enough in itself, that
and she’s offering 100 gold to anyone Spooked
involved in bringing the cow back safely. If the cows are scared in any way, they
The cow is located in the little forest might all bolt in separate directions.
gnome hamlet of Bingdingaling, a few
days south of Daggerford and not far Stubborn as an Ox
from Mother Haggles outpost in the The cows are being treated very well.
Misty Forest. They might not want to go anywhere at
all - good luck dragging a few thousand
pounds of recalcitrant cow all the way
home.

THE Core Problem

Gnomes Unlikely Disasters
The local Gnome population
[commoners], led by a fiercely friendly
fellow called Bimpnottin Anklebiter [TN Crocodiles
Gnome Druid] have decided that the River crossings might be foiled by
magic cow is an avatar of their god, the inexplicable appearance of river
Baervan Wildwanderer. crocodiles.

Seeing Double Gnome Laughing Matter

As if this weren’t bad enough, the
gnomes have more than one cow in their
little shrine. They’ve dressed up three
rather unhealthy looking heifers [ use
the statblock for a Stench Cow] in gaudy
forest getups, and are desperately trying
to avoid passing out whilst feeding them
acorns, grass and table ornaments.
Which is Mother Haggle’s cow? You can
decide.
The gnomes realise they’ve made a
mistake and mobilise en masse.
Wrong Cow
None of the cows are the right cow - the
gnomes hid the real magic cow in a
separate barn, away from prying eyes,
DUNGEONS & DRAGONS, D&D, Wizards of the Coast, Forgotten Realms, the dragon
ampersand, Player’s Handbook, Monster Manual, Dungeon Master’s Guide, D&D Ad-
venturers League, all other Wizards of the Coast product names, and their respec-

Wandering Free
The gnomes are highly resistant to talk
of taking any of the cows, though might
tive logos are trademarks of Wizards of the Coast in the USA and other countries.
All characters and their distinctive likenesses are property of Wizards of the Coast.
This material is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America.
Any reproduction or unauthorized use of the material or artwork contained herein
is prohibited without the express written permission of Wizards of the Coast.

be convinced that the cows need to roam ©2016 Wizards of the Coast LLC, PO Box 707, Renton, WA 98057-0707, USA. Manufac-
free. tured by Hasbro SA, Rue Emile-Boéchat 31, 2800 Delémont, CH. Represented by Hasbro
Europe,
4 The Square, Stockley Park, Uxbridge, Middlesex, UB11 1ET, UK.

@deathbybadger 2017 Permission granted to print or photocopy this document for personal use only. Not for resale.
 Mother Haggle’s Notice Board

HavinG a cow Lv.1 ShenaniGan

The QUEST
Plausible Complications
Frognapped
Mother Haggle has lost her cow (again).
How it keeps getting out is a mystery, but Fetid Water
she wants it back. She thinks the cow The water of the pond might be
has been kidnapped by the Bullywugs poisonous, inflicting the Poisoned
of the Dead Marshes, who have a condition on unlucky swimmers.
reputation for pilfering livestock. Time
is of the essence, as the Cow might be Spies
sacrificed to the Bullywugs’ insane god, Mother Haggle’s old friend and rival
Ramenos in a misguided attempt to wake Jenny might send a Spy to try and steal
him from his eternal slumber. the cow in the confusion.

Swimming Lessons
The cows panics and dashes into the
pond, dragging a Bullywug or two with
it, and beginning to drown.
THE Core Problem
Froggos
The local Bullywug population,
comprising about twenty frog people,
lives by a small and fetid pond near the Unlikely Disasters
Misty Forest. They don’t like visitors and
are hostile to newcomers unless pacified
by beer. Down In The Deep
An octopus lurches from the pond mid-
The Ritual of Awakening ritual to steal the cow. It also is infected
The tribe’s shaman is a large Bullywug with Cackle Fever, which it can pass on.
named Polpendop [NE Bullywug Acolyte]
who has the cow tied up by the lake. At You Never Know Who’s Watching
sunset, he sacrifices the cow with a stone Ramenos really is watching, and
knife to Ramenos, unless he is stopped. sends a Giant Toad or two to devour
Ramenos pays no attention whatsoever, interlopers
so the ritual is fruitless, but the Cow
might still die if noone intervenes. Magic Cow
The stress of the ritual causes the cow
Dusk to manifest its latent magical abilities,
Polpendop is convinced the ritual must triggering a Wild Magic Surge each
take place at dusk. He sometimes has round on Initiative count 20.
dreams that an angel is speaking to him,
and the angel specified that the ritual
had to take place at dusk. Is he crazy?
You decide.

@deathbybadger 2017 Permission granted to print or photocopy this document for personal use only. Not for resale.
 Mother Haggle’s Notice Board

That Cow Is Mine Lv.1 ShenaniGan

The QUEST Plausible Complications

That Wretched Cow...
Mother Haggle has lost her cow (again). Bats
How it keeps getting out is a mystery, Casting a light spell or a flame based
but she wants it back. This time, the spell might cause a swarm of bats to
cow has wandered into an abandoned attack until the light is extinguished.
mine complex of Dwarven design. It’s so
defunct that it’s no longer maintained, Fiendish Fun
so it could be treacherous ground. In Mother Haggle’s old friend and
her old age, Mother Haggle is offering a rival Jenny is up to her old tricks,
generous 100 gold to anyone who can sending her Imp familiar to stymie the
retrieve her precious cow. characters’ efforts.

Swimming Lessons
Sudden movement might kick up rock
dust and soot into the air, heavily
THE Core Problem obscuring the area.

Under The Earth

The abandoned mine is out past Unlikely Disasters
the Trade Way, a few days south of
Daggerford. Finding the entrance could
be tricky, as it is hidden by Dwarven Overkill
architecture in the side of a cliff. A Gas Spore from the Underdark might
drift into view, seeming for all the world
The Dark like a Beholder guarding the cow.
The cave is pitch black and the air
is filled with dust and soot, lightly Breathing Problems
obscuring the air to those with Those with a fragile constitution might
Darkvision. Bones crunch underfoot begin to suffer from lack of air.
- those with more acute senses might
guess something terrible happened here Horrors Unknown
in the past. A Meenlock might manifest from
the sinister atmosphere, chasing the
The Laughing Cow characters from the mine in with its
The cow is a few miles into the fear aura.
wandering pathways, which could easily
result in her rescuers getting lost in DUNGEONS & DRAGONS, D&D, Wizards of the Coast, Forgotten Realms, the dragon

the winding passages. When the cow
is found, it’s collapsed from the bad air
down in the mine, and if it’s not removed
ampersand, Player’s Handbook, Monster Manual, Dungeon Master’s Guide, D&D Ad-
venturers League, all other Wizards of the Coast product names, and their respec-
tive logos are trademarks of Wizards of the Coast in the USA and other countries.
All characters and their distinctive likenesses are property of Wizards of the Coast.
This material is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of America.

in time, it might die. Any reproduction or unauthorized use of the material or artwork contained herein
is prohibited without the express written permission of Wizards of the Coast.

©2016 Wizards of the Coast LLC, PO Box 707, Renton, WA 98057-0707, USA. Manufac-
tured by Hasbro SA, Rue Emile-Boéchat 31, 2800 Delémont, CH. Represented by Hasbro
Europe,
4 The Square, Stockley Park, Uxbridge, Middlesex, UB11 1ET, UK.

@deathbybadger 2017 Permission granted to print or photocopy this document for personal use only. Not for resale.
 Mother Haggle’s Notice Board
unexpected beef
The QUEST
Echoed Moos
Mother Haggle's cow has gotten away,
with it's usual panache. There's a
strange mooing coming from the woods,
and Mother Haggle wants you to go and
investigate for her.
THE Core Problem
Bait
The mooing is actually a small pocket of
kenku out to get some easy cash. Having
heard about the lost cow, they use their
mimicry trait to try and lure characters
closer.
Feathery Death
If characters enter the woods, four
kenku are hidden in the undergrowth
hoping to ambush them. They attack
with their knives.
Come Into My Parlour
If three of the kenku are killed the last
one begs for its life with a series of bleats
and whimpers. It indicates that it can
take the characters where it keeps its
stash of treasure. If they are foolish
enough to follow it, they are led into the
hunting ground of an ettercap, which
attempts to eat whoever it sees first.
Lv.1 ShenaniGan
Plausible Complications
Farmyard Frolics
The kenku are particularly talented at
mimicking animals. Characters make
checks to see through these impressions
at disadvantage.
Feathery Death, But From Above
The kenku are hidden in the trees
10 feet above the ground. They use
shortbows to attack instead.
Classic Negotiation Strategy
If the kenku drop a character to 0
hit points, they hold a knife to the
character's throat, and extort money or
goods off the party.
Unlikely Disasters
Mockingbird Mojo
One of the kenku is a warlock dedicated
to a demon lord. It can cast the vicious
mockery cantrip at will [DC12].
Grab & Run
If the kenku drop all the party
unconcious, they leave them to make
death saves, and loot literally all the
gear they can carry.
What A Pleasant Vie...*URK*
The kenku have chosen a shrouded
woodland glade for their ambush. It's
dim light for mechanical purposes.
 Mother Haggle’s Notice Board
Medium rare
The QUEST
All Fired Up
Mother Haggle's cow has been stolen.
Pilfered from under her nose by a pair
of firenewts, who will undoubtedly turn
it into steak, or sacrifice it to the evil
primordial Imix. The newts aren't long
gone - if you hurry, you can stop them
and save the cow.
THE Core Problem
Bangoono!
The firenewt warriors are making their
way as stealthily as they can across the
trade way when the characters catch up
with them. They can only speak draconic
or ignan, and have few facial expressions
to convey any subtle indications of
emotion.
A Gift Of Value
The firenewts have stolen the cow to
present as tribute to their tribal warlock.
They will consider trading the cow for
something of value, such as a magic
item , or another magical creature. They
defend themselves from attempts to take
the cow.
Evil Is Best Served Cold
The newts have been away from their
heated underground lair for an extended
period. Characters proficient in medicine
might be able to discern they are freezing
slowly to death. Providing a campfire
would be a good way to gain their
friendship.
Lv.1 ShenaniGan
Plausible Complications
Shiny Worthless Discs
The firenewts have no real use for
money. They reject any offer of gold for
the cow.
Sacred Flame
If the firenewts discover that the
characters are carrying tinder or
torches, they might turn to violence to
take them.
"The dribbling-sky-death comes!"
It starts to rain. The firenewts, scared of
freezing, try to leave with the cow.
Unlikely Disasters
Goodie Nosewinkle
A wagon driven by a busybody gnome
merchant comes down the trade way.
The owner, Goodie Nosewinkle [NE
commoner] demands to know what's
going on.
We Should Get A Leash
If the firenewts use their spit fire ability,
the cow panics and tries to run away.
Sparks Fly
The firenewts are a male-female
breeding couple, and won't leave each
other behind. They strike pre-emptively
in response to any Intimidation
attempts.
 Mother Haggle’s Notice Board
up a tree, without a saddle
The QUEST
Mooving On Up
Mother Haggle's cow has somehow
managed to get up a tree, and is stuck.
Be a dear, and fetch it down for her?
THE Core Problem
Stuck
The cow has climbed 50 feet up a
gigantic deciduous tree in the forest,
and can't seem to get back down. How it
managed it in the first place is unclear.
The cow weighs close to 2500 pounds,
and is lodged between two branches.
Terminal Ferocity
The cow is terrified of heights, and
lashes out at anyone who comes close.
Unsuccessful attempts to remove the cow
cause a branch to break, and the cow to
come tumbling to the ground, potentially
killing it and anyone standing under it.
Fleet Feet
The tree is climbable, which might
require an athletics check to avoid
falling. Cutting the supporting branches
will cause the cow to fall, though the
trunk is sturdy enough to support a rope
winch/hammock.
Lv.1 ShenaniGan
Plausible Complications
Eight Legs, Eight Stomachs, One Cow
A giant spider that lives in the tree
decides it wants lunch.
Who Are Moo?
The cow begins to panic as the
characters climb up to get it. In 3
rounds, it breaks a branch and falls.
Rickety Split
The tree is old and dying. The tree
is easier to destroy, but weaker in
structure. Animal Handling checks or
magic will be needed to stop the cow
destroying the only branches keeping it
aloft.
Unlikely Disasters
EVERYONE LOVES A MAGICAL COW
The panic causes the cow's latent
magical abilities to manifest. It breathes
out a 15ft cone of fire. The tree catches
alight, and characters who fail a DC10
Dexterity saving throw take 3d6 fire
damage.
"The Cow Is Fine. Probably."
The tree is home to a dryad. She takes
umbrage at the characters intrusion,
and needs to be convinced to let them
pass, or killed.
Dooble Trooble
There are two cows up the tree. Don't
ask how. One of them is magical. Is
there time to save both?