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Lo v e S e r i e s
Relationshipe
Compatibility TEST p l
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The Complete Guide
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To Knowing Your Future Partner
Olalekan Adebumiti
p l e
a m
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Relationshipe
Compatibility TEST
p l
a m
The Complete Guide
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To Knowing Your Future Partner
By
Olalekan Adebumiti
RELATIONSHIP COMPATIBILITY TEST
Copyright ©2015
by
ADEGOKE OLALEKAN ADEBUMITI
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No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in any retrieval sys-
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tem, or transmitted in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical,
photocopy, recording, scanning, or any other – except for brief quotations,
without a written permission of the publisher.
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Cover and Interior Design by:
Deluxe Creative Media, +2347039429767
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Kehinde Toluwani, +234 806 218 3235.
To Contact the Author
E-mail: motivatedolalekan@gmail.com
+234 803 250 3305; +234 805 267 055
DEDICATION
I
was just an innocent guy back then in my university days. I
never planned to fall in love so easily until it began to hap-
pen. I was just everything for the younger ladies. I wanted
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to be their guides against the wrong guys and so would moti-
vate them to never settle for the less nor fall cheaply.
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I was loving the counselor in me all the way until I was
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unknowingly falling in love with a particular lady.
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I remember hearing her ask me, “What is the Purpose of
your existence in a sentence and in just one word?” I was
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ashamed because she just did hit me below the belt: that was
what I had struggled with for years. I didn’t know my purpose,
and it was clear though I was multitalented. I prayed and fast-
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ed and almost got tired until I got “Enlightenment through
the media.”
Guess what?
That was how we began our friendship and for two years
we were on whether we would be together or not. My friends
said something was wrong with me for waiting that long for
a lady. But, it was worth the wait. And as you would expect,
we eventually got into a relationship we were both assured
would lead to marriage.
Our parents were glad for the union and it was going great.
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r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
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Our three years relationship gave me all I needed to write
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this book.You were loving and a great example to the youth.
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that millions would be willing to follow after.
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now metamorphosed to a Broadway.
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great personalities that God used to help me grow to this
stage.
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We said we were going to get married, be a couple whose
daily lifestyle would be worthy of emulation by all and sundry,
have glorious kids that would be great examples for the com-
ing generations. I wished we would be together as husband
and wife, but God knows the best as usual.
I sure will be the best father and the best husband you
have seen in my future. I didn’t regret I met you, it was really
worthwhile. May your Gentle Soul Rest in Perfect Peace!
September 2015.
VI
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
T
he Beginning and the Ending of everything, in whom I
live, move and have my being, my Lord, my Love and
my Life, a lifetime wouldn’t be enough to thank you
e
for all you have given me. Forever you will be my God, and
forever will I serve you!
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To her that was brave enough to watch my infant head and
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continued to watch my destiny upon the altar of prayer, you
are unequivocally qualified to be my dear mother. Thanks for
your effort to nurture me to this great height, I couldn’t have
been better with another woman.
m
All efforts to give worthy appreciation to the family of
Adebumiti-Best would sure be proven abortive: your input to
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what I am becoming is unmatched. I am grateful.
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sending views, opinions and much like on relationship com-
patibility through which the book wouldn’t have been well-
equipped, I will forever be indebted. Akinrelere Sunday who
authored the book, “The Journey through Life”; Femi Olof-
inkua, Sheu Mustapha Olanrewaju; Afolorunso Opeyemi; Kun-
le-Adesina Tolulope Blessing; Shoyemi Mopelola Folashade;
Samson Osuman; Ignatius Meshack Dozzy and Ayo-Akano
Ayokunmi of www.top7reasons.com, thanks so much.
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I set out for the journey to impart the world together, on
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campus.You will remain my choicest of friends.
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boss, Mr Martins Boyejo, for his impact and daily encour-
agement to see me attain greater feats in life. To Mrs. Gloria
Okekearu, thanks for being a friend indeed.
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To my team, I will ever be grateful for the cord of love that
ever binds us. Thanks to Timothy Ojo, the Lead designer at
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Deluxe Creative Media (www.deluxecreativemedia.com), for
the cover and the interior layout of the book. Kehinde Tolu-
wani, who edited the manuscript, my appreciation is endless.
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To you reading this book, and to as many as would strive
to see their relationships continue in bliss, I appreciate your
efforts.
VIII
THIS PAGE
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WAS LEFT BLANK
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INTENTIONALALLY
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Table of Contents
PREFACE ..................................... 1
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INTRODUCTION ............................ 3
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LET’S TALK ABOUT LOVE ......... 5
THE MYTH OF COMPATIBILITY
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IN RELATIONSHIPS ..................... 26
THE CONCEPT OF
COMPATIBILITY ...................... 39
CHECKING FOR
COMPATIBILITY:
THE RIGHT WAY
A LETTER TO YOU
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....................... 69
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XII
PREFACE
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ndoubtedly, there is an avalanche of books on com-
patibility in a relationship in the world today. But
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quite surprisingly, more and more people struggle in
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their relationships many of which hit the rock… That breaks
my heart.
p
And that has left me wondering what the problem is. Is it
that the available books don’t contain relevant information,
or that people just don’t put in their best to make their rela-
tionships work?
m
Of course, given the myriad of books in the market, it
a
would be preposterous to suggest that they all don’t contain
relevant information.
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relationship compatibility and yet, people end it up in unimag-
inable ways.
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If you really wish to set yourself on the path of marital bliss,
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this book is for you.
m p
S a
2
Introduction
I
t was the most stimulating adventure you had embarked on.
The first meeting, the first conversation, the shared dreams,
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and passions amongst others all pointed to the fact that
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you had found your perfect match. Even the chemistry be-
tween you two was apparent to your friends. And you both
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exchanged vows of undying love, on numerous occasions.
Yes, you noticed some slight issues that called for concern.
But the thick aura of love that had engulfed you drowned
them all. You could have sworn that you had beaten the
m
odds of unhappy relationships. Nothing could go wrong, you
thought.
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But things took a different turn, almost suddenly. The slight
issues gained prominence and seemingly displaced the butter-
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flies in your belly. And your certainties too!
Over and over again, that story has been told.We’ve read it
in books. We’ve seen it in movies. Some of us have even lived
it. Of course, the characters and the specifics always differ.
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But things shouldn’t be that way.
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How then should they be? Read on.
m p
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4
1
LET’S TALK ABOUT
LOVE
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a m
ove is magical. That’s no news, I suppose. It can keep you
up late into the night and wake you up in the wee hours
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of the morning. It can make you give up all you ever held
dear and make you go to the lengths you never thought you
could. Love when pure brings a connection to your spirit; oh
how gently it heals the soul. It gives the power to channel
your speech to its maximum use, and your heart to its max-
imum muse.
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r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
But not everyone can connect with that. The reverse has
been their experience. This same love has etched scars as
deep as the ocean in their hearts. It is so bad they’d do all they
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can to totally erase it from their memory. It is their worst
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nightmare.
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• Love is not an abstract noun, it’s sure a verb in action!
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• Love doesn’t live in the heart, it lives in our acts!
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• Love isn’t like a lifeless flower, it grows limitlessly!
• And when you can define it all, you have limited it!
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LET ’S TALK ABOUTLOVE
e
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At the risk of over-flogging the point, love can’t be professed
with the mouth only. Commensurate actions must follow or
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we’re already talking about something else.
Do you say more than you do? If yes, then it’s high time you
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chose the path of action rather than dwell perpetually in the
‘just-talk-it’ paradise.
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Love doesn’t reach its potential by nature or by default.
Rather, it requires painstaking effort and nurture. And only
those who dare to invest the required efforts get to enjoy the
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resultant streaks of bliss.
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How do you feel when you take this love away from some-
one that loves you with their whole life? Happy? Glad that you
have just caused a life its source of amusement and livability?
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did it feel? I guess you felt lifeless, abandoned, lost, dejected,
and sorrowful. Time would fail me to find the word that can
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describe that horrible feeling. That’s exactly how heartbreak
feels.
HUNTING SHADOWS
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It’s so huge like a giant’s grip,
p
a
It’s so weak like a vapour, yet it causes all the muscles and
bones to shiver.
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Hunting shadows, play pranks on a tender heart.
- Tolu.
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LET ’S TALK ABOUTLOVE
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agony altogether.
l
The thought is sickening!
p
Isn’t it interesting that love can have such different effects
on people? To one, it’s a blissful dream; and to another, the
worst nightmare. I do find it very interesting. Of course, no
one has ever planned to make a nightmare of his relationship.
m
But, it is the reality all the same.
a
riage, it is more than heartbreaking to see even teenagers join
in the chorus that love is vague and hitherto not what people
have known it to be.
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Whenever I found myself thinking about this menace, I
wouldn’t help but sigh.
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was back then. We go about looking for love when we don’t
even know what it really is?
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Of course, there are a million definitions and descriptions
p
WordWeb says Love means to “have a great affection or
liking for somebody” and the Oxford Dictionary summarizes it
thus: “to have very strong feelings of affection for somebody.”
a m
Relationship wise, isn’t it disturbing to know that most dic-
tionaries define love as a “feeling” you have for someone?
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I’ll tell you why. The dictionary definitions -and many oth-
ers like them- suggest that love is just a feeling, a strong feel-
ing. But it’s much more than that. The essence of love is not
adequately captured until it is expressed, in actions.
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LET ’S TALK ABOUTLOVE
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When you can think about the above and believe that they
are what bring about quarrels, resentment, silent treatment
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and even disagreements in relationships, you are close to un-
derstanding love.
p
As far as I know, many people keep falling in love repeated-
ly but don’t understand what exactly they are falling into. And
when they fall out of love, they discover some parts of them
m
have been tampered with.
Is love now a plague or flu that takes part of you when you
a
give yourself to it?
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In the said gathering, some guys gave definitions like: “it’s a
pure and passionate affection for something;” “it is sacrificially
giving to someone what they need, but not what they want.”
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Many people laughed about that update; some agreed to it,
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while others curiously still asked, “What is Love?”
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so I quickly sent another one that says,
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was amazing.
a
Among the responses I got, two struck me.
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And the second, “Love is abstract... It’s like the air... it’s
made of different matters!”
From the chat, I picked some points I will want you and I to
focus on.
He said,
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LET ’S TALK ABOUTLOVE
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Love broken down is a two-way street: I love him and he
loves me isn’t enough... How to know that someone really
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loves you is key!
p
Ideally the one who said there is no specific definition of
love is really right.We can only come close to defining it. Love
is deeper than lexicographers and even philosophers can give
a concise breakdown of. It’s really like the air whose ways you
m
can’t really tell even if you have been told that it’s a mixture
of gases. For you to understand love, you need to understand
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its elements.
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Unequivocally speaking, as far as a relationship
is concerned, “love is to share and care selflessly
towards an end! And perfection is attained in love
when one’s selflessness meets with unmetered grat-
itude from the beneficiary.”
- Olalekan Adebumiti.
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is why:
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Even though unconditional commitment is part of what
makes up a long-lasting love, no human being can ever love
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unconditionally at all times. Only God has that capacity: He
can choose to love you even when you are in any wise far
from being an entity. He is also dynamic, and therefore, can
choose to love conditionally!
m
Here is more: if all men love unconditionally, the rich will
share all they have with the whole world! And there won’t
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actually be anything called broken relationships let alone bro-
ken homes.
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Is that more confusing? Let me explain.
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LET ’S TALK ABOUTLOVE
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physical body.
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But… what makes up Love? Let’s see the paragraphs below
together, and they will ultimately lead us to the lies you have
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been told about love and being in love.
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1 Corinthians 13: vs 1-8
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1.Though I speak with the tongues of men and of an-
gels, and have not love, I am become as sounding brass, or a
tinkling cymbal.
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2. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and under-
stand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I
have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have
not love, I am nothing.
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8. Love never fails: but whether there be prophecies,
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they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall
cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish
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away.
In relation to the verses above, here are the facts from the
lies you have been told about Love:
m
#1 That you feel it doesn’t mean it is true
a
Verse 1 and 2: As a Christian, seeing someone who speaks
in tongues, can prophecy, can demystify things, highly knowl-
edgeable and have covetable faith is enough to make you have
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unrepentant feelings for them. But the bible is saying that one
can have all these and yet not have love! That he is a pastor,
a prophet, very sound and brilliant, is not a guarantee that he
has love or can be loved! That a lady is doing well ministerially
can be a hidden deception too.
That a man can give you all material things isn’t enough to tag
him the best man in the whole world. That a lady whets your
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LET ’S TALK ABOUTLOVE
sexual appetite with her body doesn’t mean she loves you.
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him, and it’s something so deep and sacred. Hey! The last
time I checked, falling in love because of “only feelings” is not
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enough to give you a successful relationship. If you doubt me,
ask those who have had broken relationships.
m p
Oh, a man tells you “I love you?” Don’t be deceived! If point
number one can show you that having physical proofs of love
isn’t the yardstick for measuring the ideality of love, how then
a
should you believe it when they say it with their mouth?
For how long should ladies believe lies from men? For how
long are we going to accept love with just our senses? When
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exactly are we going to stop believing in lies that appear as
truths?
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thinking it through.
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Questions like, “What do we want in this relationship?”
and “What happens when one isn’t doing their part?” are im-
p
portant in building a relationship to last. In the same vein,
joint compromise is very key: you must be willing to give up
your selfish interest to grow the relationship. More so, indi-
vidual ideas and beliefs must fuse into each other to reach an
m
agreement.
a
Here is more reason to have a mutual interest:
You may love someone because they have what you want
in a future partner whereas such doesn’t have the same level
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of affection for you. And if you continue that way, each of you
will start pursuing their selfish goals.
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LET ’S TALK ABOUTLOVE
How do I mean?
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fall in love without even taking their time to consider the end.
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Before long, they begin to rhyme, “Oh had I know!”
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see the future ahead. Doing trial and error will only give you
enough heartbreaks!
You need to sit down and think about your future before
m
you can be set to bring any other person into the equation,
else heartbreak is looming. (You will learn more on this in the
a
next chapters)
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it in the end. You really need to know exactly why you are
going into a relationship. Mind you, just relying on your head
knowledge or following only your intuition to fall in love is
tantamount to believing that you can swim a whole month
inside a river without being suffocated.
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love, it could be your undoing if the relationship is one you
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are not supposed to be in. Every (good) relationship sure has
its ups and downs; hence the need to express love uncondi-
p
tionally.
Yes, because it’s required of us. But, it’s a gift and sometimes
m
a hard decision to take. It’s what you learn and grow into and
therefore, can be desired.
a
As long as you are very sure that your relationship is lead-
ing you to marriage, you can be unconditional for as long as
you want; you can be long-suffering as long as you desire.
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However, you need to know when long-suffering is too long
to bear, especially in abusive relationships.
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LET ’S TALK ABOUTLOVE
Well, I agree with the opinion that you must love your
partner unconditionally. While this can be a great success for
people in romantic relationships, it’s not a perfect teaching
for the 21st-century relationships where it takes more than
miracles to get few working relationships.
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lationships, unconditional love would have been a solid and
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perfect teaching. To continue to love someone who’s adding
little or no value to your life in a relationship could be disas-
p
trous in the end if not checked.
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love. This is because, you should have chosen any riffraff as a
wife or husband if you say you love unconditionally.
a
The following are simple enough: Love is not selfish, but
kind. It’s not moved by envy and is not proud.
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Love does not behave itself unseemly. You know what un-
seemly means? It means, for you not to keep with accepted
standards of what is right or proper in polite society. Love
behaves itself seemly, therefore, means it keeps with accepted
standards of what is right or proper in “polite” society.
Love seeks not her (or his) own: when you see that your
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about demeaning character and evil mind. Being gentle is one
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of those attributes of love that could be more than a miracle
to get. Hey! Don’t be happy because I said that. If you are not
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given to gentility, it’s what you should learn.
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thoughts on a daily basis. And when you can have it going
great, your relationship, as well as your whole life will be a
a
haven of peace. Do you want to keep your mind going great?
See Romans chapter 12.
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your lover offends you, it’s so important not to keep scores.
Forgive them easily and move on.
Did you just ask, “What if they keep doing the same thing
over and over again in a relationship?” If that it is, you need
to take a break and sort things out before it gets out of hand.
If it’s something you can’t handle on your own, or you have
even tried with no desirable result, it’s wise enough to seek
the help of a counselor.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things: So simple, or isn’t it? Love truly has the
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LET ’S TALK ABOUTLOVE
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best venture for every heart. It is astounding when it’s with
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the right person, and the reverse also holds true.
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ship because it appears rosy to you. Sincerely, it takes God to
give you the best. And I see that happening to you. Amen.
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charge for you:
a
hearts that love us. Because, no matter how professional one
is at fixing a broken heart, a heart once broken might not
have its best shape again. No doubt, love is great in a relation-
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ship when it is with someone who has a caring heart, and it is
like one is the most fortunate when you can see such a one
that is so plain to you.
“Never break the heart that wants to ever keep you strong,
and never fail the heart that wants nothing but your success.
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for the best, even if it seems it’s not going to end well?
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ter.
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a m
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2
THE MYTH OF
COMPATIBILITY IN
RELATIONSHIPS
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ntil today, many people have only been believing
myths when it comes to getting compatibility right
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in relationships. Many people have only been able to
play out chemistry which they thought was compatibility.
IS IT CHEMISTRY OR COMPATIBILITY?
I often hear 21st-century youths chorus chemistry as
though it’s the perfect proof of compatibility in a relationship.
I have heard many relationship and marriage counsellors alike,
preach along that line also. Something about that didn’t sit
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“chemistry,” in the concept of relationship on Wikipedia.
l
If you are still skeptical about this subject and need a con-
cise explanation of it, you are not far from hitting the gold-
p
mine on this.
m
of wanting to see the other person you are in love with (or
in lust with). That good feeling you have on hearing or seeing
a
someone you have an extraordinary affection for is nothing
but chemistry. It’s an unconscious decision. In fact, you don’t
need to be anything to have chemistry built up on your inside.
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T H E M Y T H OF C O M PAT I B I L I T Y I N R E L AT I ON S H I P S
By the way, if you’ve got a shape you feel no one out there
is interested in; don’t snap at it, for someone is dying to see
you be their spouse. Relieved? Good!
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its totality is outright vague.Till date, some psychologists have
only given a metaphorical description to it. In the real sense,
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chemistry majors on stimulating sexual attraction (not neces-
sarily that you feel like having sex) and many brain chemicals
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are connected to the process.
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Do you remember those moments that you would feel as
though lost because you were away from the one you love?
a
The experience is awesomely wrapped around the concept
of chemistry. And here is how it normally happens:
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Your nervous system gets aroused and provides some
adrenaline in the form of a speedy heartbeat, shortness of
breath, and sensations of excitement that are often similar to
sensations associated with danger. Sometimes, it comes with
a little rise in one’s blood pressure, the flushing of one’s skin,
the face and the ears turning red and even a feeling of weak-
ness in the knees. To crown it all, it can make you feel a sense
of obsession over the other person, longing for “the day when
you return to that person,” and can result in an uncontrol-
lable smile at the thought of the other person. Chemistry is
that ‘thing’ that gets you attracted to the opposite sex. More
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soul…
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A young man could say,
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my comprehension. To be factual, she’s all I want in a woman.
She’s got all that meets my heart’s desire and I must play along
with the streaks that come with this.
m
Words would fail me to talk of her smile, her gentle talks,
and her alluring gesture. Oh heavens! This is an epitome of
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beauty, awesomeness, perfection, and the list goes on.”
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“What has this guy done to me? This is so sacred, and I
haven’t felt like this before. The aura around him is more than
I can verbalize. His words are like a two-edged sword, cutting
my spirit, soul and body apart. He is driving me crazy, I just
must confess. This is more than magical and my shadow can
tell. I don’t need anyone to tell me that I have fallen in love,
and I don’t wish to be back up from this. This is exceptional,
and I am willing to dance to its rhythmical tune.”
Hey, Mister! Hey, Miss! You are only dancing to the rhythms
of chemistry. In fact, you are swimming in the ocean of your
emotions, no more and no less.You see, you don’t have to plan
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T H E M Y T H OF C O M PAT I B I L I T Y I N R E L AT I ON S H I P S
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ity and not mere chemistry.
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Then I asked him to prove that it was compatibility and not
just chemistry. I wasn’t really shocked when he asked, “How
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do I?”
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THE WARNING
Allow me to quote Elizabeth Baldwin:
a
“Romantic chemistry can be one of the most dangerous
and self-destructive emotions if left unchecked. People will
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enter relationships with incompatible mates blinded by chem-
istry. Chemistry often seems to have the power to blind us.
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Unlike Chemistry, compatibility sees demeaning habits in
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the other person, decadent characters and deviant manners
and would want to make them all good (or be eager to learn
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how to deal with them). Compatibility sees age, background,
religion, ethnicity, and social class and is, therefore, ready to
see if there is any potential challenge in accepting them as
they are or not.
m
Compatibility seeks virtues in the other person and is
ready to explore them to fruition. Chemistry is, therefore,
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selfish while Compatibility will ever remain selfless.
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SEE THE PICTURE ON THE RIGHT PAGE
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In such relationships, all that they want is seeking pleasure,
until that hits maxima.The moment he sees that she can’t give
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more, he backs off, because,“we only grow into love and grow
out of lust.” She is back to square one, as he’s busy looking for
another lady to whet his lustful appetite.
And here is the lady who has given her heart, body, soul
and spirit to see a relationship work out. She is left with a
putrefying sore inside her heart. At this point she wishes she
e
had seen it coming; maybe she would have gotten a grasp of
l
the horrible and undeserved end which did justify the roman-
tic means.
p
There is also the guy who was everything for a lady. How
he came to love her is still mystical. He gave her his best and
only wanted that in return. Shockingly, he’s been ditched. The
deed is done, and there is no going back.
a m
Thinking about revenge? No. that is not necessary. My
friend, such is life. Don’t let it get you down! Get up and be
your best.
S
THE U-TURN
While it has been noted that there can actually not be a
relationship without chemistry, which is said to be the “igniter
and the catalyst for a relationship”, the whole idea of chemis-
try has been bastardized. It is sure one of the most misleading
indicators of a future relationship as the dating Coach Evan
Katz suggests.
32
T H E M Y T H OF C O M PAT I B I L I T Y I N R E L AT I ON S H I P S
end it miserably?
So, what has been your motivating factor all the while? Has
your judgement of compatibility been on the fact that you
share chemistry with your partner?
e
how to really check for compatibility.
l
Before then, let us see the next chapter together.
m p
S a
33
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
p l e
a m
S
34
THE CONCEPT OF C O M PAT I B I L I T Y
3
THE CONCEPT
OF COMPATIBILITY
p l e
I
a m
t is often said, and you sure would agree, that “When the
purpose of a thing is not known, its abuse is inevitable.”
To really understand the purpose of compatibility, shouldn’t
we know what compatibility is?
S
So, what is compatibility?
35
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
e
Ideally, you can only tell who fits into your future through
l
a complete check (or test) of compatibility. To a large extent,
the partner one chooses determines how glorious (or the
p
other way round) one’s future will be. The future promises
enviable bliss when you can be sure that you have chosen
right, and the reverse holds true for the one who has failed
in that regard.
m
Before you make a decision or give your consent to enter
into a life-long relationship with anybody, it is highly sacro-
a
sanct to know if the person is compatible with you or not.
To jettison the necessity of this practice is to set your destiny
on the path of irredeemable horridness.
S
HOW DID COMPATIBILITY START?
It started in the Garden of Eden – a place God made and
described as good.The people he made, the environment into
which they were created, the animals, the serpent inclusive.
Despite that Adam was not aware of how Eve was made,
when he saw her after he woke up, he saw perfection.
Let us make man in our image and after our likeness. That
was God’s plan, and He didn’t do less. The ones He created
36
T H E C ON C E P T OF C O M PAT I B I L I T Y
As the story has it, Eve was the first woman on earth as
Adam was the first man. Although he had no one to compare
Eve with, he could still infer that she was the best. If sexy
e
curves, pink lips, radiating eyeballs, and what have you were
l
all that Adam desired in a woman, Eve had it all! “This is the
bone of my bone and the flesh of my flesh…,” he affirmed!
p
There couldn’t have been a better compatibility test other
than that.Yes or Yes?
m
mandate!
a
And the mandate God gave was DOMINION… which is
not far from “Management.”
S
ever failed?
I once met a woman who lamented the mess she had been
37
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
e
sex slave. Sadly, he succeeded and the woman’s life was no
l
more the same again. She used to be a counsellor, the hus-
band stopped her. He allowed her to do practically nothing
p
that could help promote her life. He turned her life upside
down, and it’s so sad that she can’t just pick it up again.
If you look around, you sure would see a few marriages that
are in an indescribable mess. When you dig into the cause, it
m
would have been the result of costly assumptions on compat-
ibility. Today, there is no going back for many, no matter what
a
they face in their marriages.
S
patibility test right!
38
T H E C ON C E P T OF C O M PAT I B I L I T Y
tionship, but you may not know that there are two kinds of
relationship.They are Interpersonal relationship and Intra-
personal relationship. The former (interpersonal) has to do
with the relationship with others (in this case, your partner)
while the latter (intrapersonal) is the relationship with one-
self, and of course, the most important.
e
When you feel someone may not be compatible with you
l
in a relationship, are you also compatible as a person?
p
the questions of an intrapersonal relationship while finding
answers to the questions of interpersonal relationship.
Ask yourself first, “Am I the right person for this guy or
m
lady?”, “Do I care?”, “Am I hardworking?”, “Do I know how to
manage differences?”, “Am I selfish or selfless?”, “Can I give
a
the best that I want in the other person?”, and many other
questions.
In Physics, they say, “Like poles repel, while unlike poles at-
S
tract”, but that’s not the case with relationship compatibility.
In fact, it should be described as “Like poles (partners) attract,
while unlike poles repel”. The law is simple and clear, “You
must be compatible with thyself first, before being compatible
with others”.
39
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
a song in the church does not make her compatible; his high
intelligence quotient, standard shoes, or talents do not make
him the perfect match either.
e
shape becomes disfigured, would you still be able to go out
l
to a club with her? Can you even present her as your first
lady despite her deformity? Would you still go out on a date
p
with her?
m
with a phlegmatic (sluggish) fellow. The relationship may not
last if individual differences are not checked.
a
Even if you eventually find someone of the same temper-
ament, it’s no guarantee that the romantic journey would be
S
that smooth since either of you would want their own deci-
sions to stand.
40
T H E C ON C E P T OF C O M PAT I B I L I T Y
e
and tested.
l
Know your partner’s temperament and correct yourselves
in love. Be real and stay true to yourselves under the sun or
p
in the rain. It takes wisdom that is enshrined in understanding
to know how to settle disputes amicably with your partner
and brighten their day.
m
Let me conclude here that compatibility in a relationship is
a wide, two-way street. You know you are compatible if both
a
of you are able to co-exist symbiotically, regardless of your
differences, and you are able to understand each other.
S
NO!
41
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
p l e
a m
S
42
4
CHECKING FOR
COMPATIBILITY:
THE RIGHT WAY
p l e
T a m
he issue of compatibility has always been a major con-
cern to people, especially the waiting singles. Many
S
people want to get married and start enjoying marital
bliss. Ladies, most especially see relationship as a healing balm
to their souls, but fear would not cease to grip the heart of
many when they are ready for a relationship that will lead to
marriage.
43
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
e
there are many girls out there who are ‘double-dating’ (per-
l
mit me to use that word, but ‘two-timing’ is the right word).
p
here, since the motives are majorly for materialism, sexual
escapades, or immoralities generally. But anyone who is ready
to enter into a life-long relationship will, no doubt, have some
questions in his or her mind that are begging for urgent an-
m
swers. The question is usually in this form: “Is he/she compat-
ible with me?”
a
I want to simplify the question in this way: “Is he/she the
right person?”, “Does he care?”, “Can she cook?”, “Does
S
he have enough cash?”, “Can she satisfy my sexual desire?”,
“What’s his/her qualification?” and so on.
44
C H E C K I N G F OR C O M PAT I B I L I T Y : T H E R I G H T WAY
e
usually feel good, get caught up in my problems…?
l
Isn’t that what you were taught to consider as criteria for
compatibility test in relationship?
p
And the more you answer these questions, the more ques-
tions pop up in your heart?
m
ibility, but they all meet limitations with the level of broken
relationships and divorce rate presently in the world.
a
I know there is one person out there who has got all you
can think of as long as perfection is concerned.Whenever you
think of such, your heart skips a bit and you would sigh. It’s
S
something you have been waiting for and it will materialize
someday, right?
45
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
e
According to a research, divorce happens every six sec-
l
onds in the United States, which has 53% divorce rate. So it
means more than half of the marriages in the United States
p
are likely to end in divorce. Shockingly, the United States is
the last on the list of the top ten countries with the highest
divorce rate. France has 55%, Cuba has 56%, Estonia has 58%,
Luxembourg has 60%, Spain has 61%, Czech Republic 66%,
m
Hungary has 67%, and Portugal has 68%, as Belgium has 71%.
a
Isn’t the statistic above enough to give marriage a second
thought?
S
“We are not compatible”! That implies many people even go
into marriage to test compatibility. This is heart-breaking!
Know this…
46
C H E C K I N G F OR C O M PAT I B I L I T Y : T H E R I G H T WAY
e
the heaven is from the earth.”
l
When compatibility is not well guarded, it can be the worst
word you ever want to hear or think of.
p
Compatibility is to be maintained. It is also to be managed.
m
ger there? That is why you have to be very careful how you
take compatibility as though it’s the only yardstick to measure
a
a relationship or successful marriage. It’s so sad how I see
people teach compatibility today as if it’s the only ticket for
successful relationship.
S
You are told that you should make sure that both of you
are compatible before you would agree to marry him or her.
Is that what you were taught? Good.
47
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
e
Don’t be shocked about the answer. Here is it…
l
Before you can tell whether someone is your future part-
ner, you have to know your future; you have to know what
p
your future holds. Invariably, before you can be sure that
someone is fit to be your life partner, you must know the A-Z
about your Life.
m
If anyone would fit in your future, you must know how
a
your future is. You must be able to look into your career,
purpose, plans, goals, vision, and tell how lovely they all are,
before you can bring someone else in.
S
But some people just think by going into a relationship and
trying out few compatibility tests, they can decide if someone
is fit as a future partner or not.
You see, the last time I checked, it’s the lie of the devil.
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C H E C K I N G F OR C O M PAT I B I L I T Y : T H E R I G H T WAY
should be. But it’s alarming how people want to have a serial
taste of a guy or a lady before they know if such is fit for their
romantic taste bud.
e
To know that somebody is your life partner, it is imperative
l
to know what your life is all about. You have to know where
your future leads.
p
You want to know why?
m
ity as you both grow together.
a
around you before would suddenly want to stay alone owing
to change of job. He was always there to attend to the least
of your worries and that was all you needed to apportion
S
him the best piece of your heart, but you keep wondering
now why he’s ever changing as though competing with the
evolution of the world.
When you have a grasp of your future, you can look ahead
and see who would fit into it.
But the best bet is for you to be a futuristic and goal ori-
ented person yourself, and few other things would begin to
49
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
fall in place.
e
time ago. I asked, “Are you engaged?” and she said “no.” Then
l
why? Is it because they are not coming or because you are
sending them away?
p
Then I was shocked as I would any other time when she
said, “You didn’t ask if I am in a relationship. I am in a relation-
ship but I am not engaged.
m
What do you think my next question was? “So, young lady,
would you please tell me the difference between being in a
a
relationship and being engaged?”
S
if you are compatible before you get engaged.”
She discovered the guy was the direct opposite of the kind
of man she would love to spend the rest of her life with
and then she’s trapped in-between letting go or expecting a
change.
50
C H E C K I N G F OR C O M PAT I B I L I T Y : T H E R I G H T WAY
That is the point! She got compatibility test all wrong. And
here is what I told her:
e
then find out if he is the perfect one for your future. But
how would you know he is fit to be your husband when you
l
couldn’t tell if he would be fit for a relationship before you
agreed to go into one with him?”
p
All she could do was to shake her head!
m
How will you know he or she will be the perfect one for
you in marriage when you couldn’t tell whether he or she
a
would be the perfect one for you in relationship? Those are
the lies we tell ourselves about compatibility.
So many people don’t know how their future looks like and
S
they are sure of a man or woman who would fit into it. Can
we stop that hallucination!
I didn’t ask if they had had sex, but I could sense they had
from how she talked. When you have sex with someone you
are still doing a test run on, you open yourself to the danger
of being trapped.
51
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
e
he wanted! And he just got that. He just marked a register and
you did lose a piece of your dignity as a woman.
l
No matter how good he seems on the bed, no guy or lady
p
can be that good ahead of marriage. And that’s because so
many things would change along the line.
m
Let us even agree that no immorality of any sort happened
between the two of you. Trying out a relationship to see if it
a
will work is one of the pillars of marital bad omens you can
see out there.
S
into a relationship! You don’t do it after having had series of
sexual intercourse! It just won’t work. Instead, you will soon
find out that you have been caged.
Quote me on this:
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C H E C K I N G F OR C O M PAT I B I L I T Y : T H E R I G H T WAY
e
To say the least, never go into a relationship because your
l
feelings demand it. Doing that is more dangerous than you
could ever imagine. You could be right in getting it right with
p
chemistry, but compatibility is far more than what your sen-
sual faculties can get right.
m
MORE ABOUT THE GOD FACTOR
As much as people seem to shy away from this factor, it is
a
the most important factor of all.
S
sinuating between interests, values, likes, dislikes etc., when
you could easily go to the Maker who knows all men and
women alike, and seek His face to know the one fit for you?
Just ask around. Ask your parents how they did theirs. And
ask them why they never amounted to nothing if that’s the
53
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
e
Well I will love to say this again: we all need reorientation
and quick surrendering of our will to God, not just giving our
l
lives. We only want things that meet our sensuality and not
those that fit into God’s plan for our lives.That happens to be
p
the answer to the problems in many homes today. Let your
will be aligned with God’s and you sure will have His hand in
everything you set your heart to do.
m
Often time, we are the architects of our problems and
heartaches, because God has already given us the way out
a
but we love to think we can do it on our own. If we all come
to the knowledge of God’s Will, we will know what and what
not to do, and even the choices we make.
S
If we want successful relationships, we do not have any oth-
er choice than to do it the God’s way. He laid the foundation
for relationships. It is to your best advantage when you have
an intimacy with God before finding and establishing one with
a man or woman. Every woman should first be God’s woman
and every man be God’s man.
Let God into your decision making process and you won’t
regret it later. He indeed has the blueprint of successful mar-
riage and so you shouldn’t bargain letting Him into it. Go to
God for the best compatible spouse, and you don’t have to
54
C H E C K I N G F OR C O M PAT I B I L I T Y : T H E R I G H T WAY
e
bargain than going to anyone for help.
l
However, if you think the God factor is a farfetched illusion,
then you might do a guess work in finding compatibility in
p
marriage and of course a compatibility test that’s born out of
guesswork could be highly detrimental. So, never do relation-
ship compatibility the way everyone is doing it, else you will
regret it in the future.
a m
Do you really want to get marriage right? Then be ready to
do it the God’s way!
S
To get compatibility right, you need to answer these ques-
tions…
1. Why am I here?
2. What am I made of?
3. Where am I going?
55
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
e
sidering the means of transportation without knowing the
l
destination. Whenever you find yourself in that realm, know
that failure is looming.
p
The most damaging aspect of contemporary living is short-
term thinking. And that is what people do when they tend to
build their future upon nonchalance. Planning the future in a
marital way without investing enough into the future is tanta-
m
mount to fetching water into a leaking bowl.
a
When your future is not set, no matter how romantic the
relationship may appear in the beginning, it gets to a time
where reality calls and defeat sets in.This is where many peo-
S
ple look back and chorus, “Oh had I known.”
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C H E C K I N G F OR C O M PAT I B I L I T Y : T H E R I G H T WAY
e
So, if you want to ever consider yourself as an achiever, you
undoubtedly need to know your purpose. When you fail to
l
know your purpose, you can never get the best out of your
life, no matter how hard you try. Not even can your spouse
p
help you out.
m
destiny from future mess.
To help you out, I will suggest two books. One is mine, The
a
Pure Gold and the second is “A Purpose Driven Life by Rick
Warren.” Both can be gotten for free by following this link,
www.loversify.com/purpose
S
Read those two books and you have taken a step into get-
ting the best out of your life and relationship.
57
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
e
What would you call someone who shows off engagement
ring and doesn’t know what marriage entails, because they
l
think it’s what they are going to get by, through experience?
Their schools of thought tell them they can live marriage each
p
day at a time and the gained experience would be enough to
see them through.
m
on with the reality that comes with doing compatibility the
right way.
a
When a man opens his mouth to say he loves a lady, the
content of such affection should never be connected to her
physical appearance in any way, but to her character. When
S
a lady looks at a man and says she loves him so much, she
should see nothing but the totality of his attitude.
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C H E C K I N G F OR C O M PAT I B I L I T Y : T H E R I G H T WAY
e
It would be baffling to see teenagers who do not know
anything about temperament, let alone a grown-up chorusing
l
“I am engaged!”
p
Do you know your temperament? Are you a Choleric, San-
guine, Melancholy or Phlegmatic?
m
is the spotlight to an individual’s daily behaviour. The way you
reason, talk, react, and act per time are functions of your tem-
a
perament.
You need to know this about yourself and even the other
S
person you want to be engaged with. For instance, it’s not
easy for two Choleric persons to be in a romantic relation-
ship, except they have learnt how to manage their differences.
You need to learn more about this? Get the book, “Why
You act the way you do, by Tim Lahaye.”
59
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
e
ing in the nearest future, before you know the right man or
l
woman who would fit into it. Your future partner must be
someone who can work hand in hand with you to fulfil your
p
dreams cum visions, and not just the one who wants to build
a world of fantasies with you.
If only you knew that you have a bright future, you will
work so hard to choose someone who can help towards get-
m
ting the best out of your life, rather than someone who can
only pay the present bills. Having enough money could be a
a
determining factor for a relationship to be successful, but it
doesn’t answer all the questions about fulfilment in marriage.
S
When you have great foresight, no ordinary person with
limited perception of the future would have much of your
time. You just can’t be around the limiters! Your best friends
would be those who have potentials like you do and are
working towards seeing themselves in their future best.
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C H E C K I N G F OR C O M PAT I B I L I T Y : T H E R I G H T WAY
And when you have done all these, you are fit to be in a
relationship with the right person.
e
Sometimes, you are not the problem of compatibility in re-
l
lationship.You can be your best assuming the other person to
be likeminded. To see the one you would love to consider for
p
a future partner as you see yourself could eventually be your
undoing. No matter how good looking he or she is, you must
seek the best that you are willing to have of yourself in them.
m
purpose, vision, career, ambition, dreams, goals, temperament.
He, or she as the case may be, must be someone you are
a
really ready to spend the rest of your life with. Physically, you
both need to share a very keen and close vision and have a
very distinct and similar view to life and circumstances. You
S
both must be driven by the same force, and have passion for
many similar things. And if God is the one leading you to a
relationship with him or her, you need not worry about how
they will attain their best.
You know, ladies are moved by what they hear, and feel.
Men play on this fact. On the other hand, men are moved by
what they see, and that has been the undoing of many. Many
61
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
e
friendships with selfish benefits which they tend to call rela-
tionships? And the benefits sometimes are only skin deep.You
l
wouldn’t want to settle for that, would you?
p
Does he or she fit into your future? Then you are both
good to go…
m
Ideally, it’s not about compatibility only, many things are
involved in having a blissful marriage out of a romantic rela-
a
tionship (or courtship).
S
and it’s only one of “The Winning Love Series.” Be ready
for the mind-blowing book titled, “Keep the Romance
Alive.”
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C H E C K I N G F OR C O M PAT I B I L I T Y : T H E R I G H T WAY
p l e
a m
S
63
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
p l e
a m
S
64
A LETTER TO YOU
e
Whichever one is your desire, I am on the path to helping
l
you out.
p
It’s sheer pleasure to introduce you to my websites:
Loversify
www.loversify.com
m
Relationship success is now being seen as a mirage as many
young folks and the older ones alike have switched to the
a
school of thought that there is no true love anymore.
S
When you need undiluted articles, tips and guides on mak-
ing your relationship, courtship or marriage work, you won’t
regret being on the www.Loversify.com
65
r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
Then you are just a click away from the Best Love Mes-
sages!
e
www.safejourneyquotes.com
l
This website was created for as many as would love to
send Safe Journey wishes to their loved ones going on any
p
journey. Wouldn’t you love to send some lovely messages to
wish them safe journey? If yes, you have all you need for your
Lover and Loved ones.
Writers Alike
m
www.writersalike.com
a
Do you desire to learn how to write and make the best out
of your writing career? If your answer is yes, then you will be
more right than wrong to be part of us at www.writeralike.
S
com. Our Vision is to build a community of Heroic Writers.
Don’t be left out.
Future Successors
www.futuresuccessors.com
66
A LETTER TO YOU
tion that you have chosen? You won’t regret joining us.
p l e
a m
S
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r e l at i on s h i p c o m pat i bi l i t y t e s t
W
hen it comes to getting the best out of a relationship
in this age, questions are sure more than the available
answers. To be factual, there is an avalanche of books
on compatibility in a relationship. But quite surprisingly,
more and more people struggle in their relationships, many of which end
e
miserably… That breaks my heart.
The above menace has left me wondering what the problem is. Is it that
l
the available books don’t contain relevant information, or that people
just don’t put in their best to make their relationships work?
p
If you need an answer to the above question, this book is perfect for you.
With the book, Relationship Compatibility Test, you will have the clear-
cut exposition to knowing your future partner, guaranteed.
a m
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
S
Olalekan Adebumiti is a seasoned Speaker who does
more than mere motivation and a life coach whose
daily goal is to see people get the best out of their
lives. He holds a B.Sc. degree in Physics with Elec-
tronics from Olabisi Onabanjo University, Ogun State,
Nigeria, and he is the founder of Future Successors.
Future Successors is an organization dedicated to
equipping the young folks toward a fulfilling end, thereby building a com-
munity of total quality people.
68