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July 11 Practice-1

It is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order

to prevent illness than to spend it on treatment of people who are already ill.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Commented [ab1]: ‘promotion of’ – ‘on’ is

Education is cheaper than medicine. Some thus believe that the promotion on a healthy possible when talking about shops ‘there’s a
promotion on kids’ clothes’.

lifestyle is more important than therapeutic measures in maintaining public health.

I would disagree and believe that they are equally significant.

Commented [ab2]: ‘if we spend money to educate

It is true that if we spend money to educate people to live healthily, it would save people to live healthily, it will …’
if+ present simple + will / won’t
https://www.perfect-english-grammar.com/first-con
the community considerable funding. After all, developing and implementing cures ditional.html

Commented [ab3]: ‘in funding’

is infinitely more expensive than printing out flyers and offering sanitation
e.g. It would save …….. in effort / in time / in
money (‘in’ means ‘in terms of’).

classes in schools. But what is also true is that not all diseases are preventable.

Commented [ab4]: ‘preventative methods for

In fact, preventative methods of maintaining health can only keep away a small maintaining health’ – ‘for’ is correct here,
meaning ‘with the aim of/ for the purpose of’.

Commented [ab5]: ‘limited range’ – sounds more

variety of illnesses. Obesity is one; diabetes, to some degree, the other.
accurate here.

However, even if we exercise every day and restrain ourselves from smoking and

drinking for all our lives, we may still be devoured by the horror of cancer in our
 Commented [ab6]: ‘chronic’ is the correct word
advanced age. Cancers, and other serious and chronical diseases are just too here.

unpredictable and complicated to take effective precautions.

Commented [ab7]: ‘are, though not curable, but …’

Fortunately, many of them are, though not curable, but treatable today. Cancers, - no need for ‘but’ with ‘though’ or ‘although’
as these already mean ‘but’.

Commented [ab8]: ‘treated with’ – use ‘with’

if not in stage three, can be treated by a cocktail of therapeutic means such as
with a noun and ‘by’ with a verb +ing.

minimally invasive surgeries and radioactive treatment; Hepatitis B can be dealt

Commented [ab9]: Delete – repetition.

with with a combination of drug intakes to sever the links between and halt the

copying of infected cells. For the success of such medical wonders, people carrying

Commented [ab10]: ‘in a dormant state’ –

both diseases in dormant can live as almost equal healthily as they were before. ‘dormant’ is an adjective.

Commented [ab11]: ‘almost as equally healthily’

– the adverb goes before ‘as’
However, fifty years ago, neither of them was treatable. It is the continuous

e.g. I am almost as tall as my cousin.

devotion from both the government and medical professionals that achieved the Commented [ab12]: ‘were’ - because of ‘them’,
it is clearly plural.

milestones that have saved millions of lives, and thus it matters, and the funding e.g. Neither of them were interested in going to
university.

Commented [ab13]: A little unclear - ‘this

invested in it matter. dedication/ level of commitment matters, and the
funding invested in treatment matters’.

We should therefore advocate that money be put in researching medical treatment,

without ignoring the fact that educating people to live healthily matters as well,

not because it saves money, but because it saves lives. To educate people to wear

air masks, to wash their hands frequently and to cover their sneeze save lives, since

these seemingly unimportant deeds could disjoin the links of viral distribution,

as they did unexpectedly well in China’s endeavors to eradicate swan flu in human

Commented [ab14]: ‘the human population’ –

population. ‘the’ always use with ‘population’.

e.g. ‘the local population’

Commented [ab15]: ‘weaponized – after modal

In conclusion, in our constant battles against diseases, we should weaponized verb ‘should’ you need the infinitive.

Commented [ab16]: ‘about’ – educate (ion) uses

ourselves with both the education on health and the capacity to provide treatment. the preposition ‘about’.

Comment:
IELTS Marking Criteria My comments Band score

Task Fulfilment A well-argued position is 7.5 +

presented in response to
the question/s. Ideas are
relevant, extended and
supported. Well-written
with the task quite fully
achieved. Can you write
this much in an exam?
Cohesion and Coherence Information and ideas are
logically sequenced and all
aspects of cohesion are
well managed. Presents a 7.0
very clear central topic
within each paragraph.
 Excellent cohesion within
sentences. Be careful with
‘but’ with ‘though’ and
the use of ‘it’ when the
subject is not clear.
Lexical resource Uses a wide range of
vocabulary fluently and
flexibly to convey precise
meanings. Here is skilful 7.5
use of uncommon and/or
idiomatic items such as
‘continuous devotion,
medical wonders’ with
occasional inaccuracy
‘chronical, in dormant’.
Be careful with using very
specialized terminology as
the examiner is unlikely to
know it.
Grammatical Range Different structures are
and accuracy used well with good
variety. Some of the 7.5
sentences accurate with
excellent use of
punctuation. However,
there are a few mistakes
with the modal verb
‘should’ and the position
of adverbs ‘almost as…’
and conditionals, and verb
+ preposition (treat with).

Overall Score: 7.5 + - A well-developed position which is well-organised and

well-written.