Bilingual Research Journal

The Journal of the National Association for Bilingual Education

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“El pasado refleja el futuro”: Pre-service teachers’

memories of growing up bilingual

Kyle Miller

To cite this article: Kyle Miller (2017) “El pasado refleja el futuro”: Pre-service teachers’
memories of growing up bilingual, Bilingual Research Journal, 40:1, 20-37, DOI:
10.1080/15235882.2016.1276031

To link to this article: http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/15235882.2016.1276031

Published online: 16 Feb 2017.

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BILINGUAL RESEARCH JOURNAL
2017, VOL. 40, NO. 1, 20–37
http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/15235882.2016.1276031

RESEARCH ARTICLE

“El pasado refleja el futuro”: Pre-service teachers’ memories of

growing up bilingual
Kyle Miller
Illinois State University

ABSTRACT
This study examined the school memories of a cohort of bilingual pre-
service teachers who experienced school as English Learners. As part of a
course assignment, participants described a memory from elementary
school and later used that memory to reflect on its future impact on their
teaching. Data were inductively analyzed, and themes were identified that
captured the struggles and promise of growing up as English Learners. The
most robust themes were: (a) the vulnerability associated with school
transitions, (b) embarrassing moments in the classroom, (c) English lan-
guage acquisition, (d) turning points in students’ education, and (e) pre-
service teachers’ call to teaching. Each memory-related theme was linked to
anticipated dispositions and actions as bilingual teachers, as well as con-
trasted against the memories of pre-service teachers who experienced
school as monolingual English speakers. Implications are offered for schools
and practitioners.

Introduction
“El pasado refleja el futuro” (‘the future is a reflection of the past’). That’s what my Aunt Margarita has always
said to me. Likewise, she said that our past always guides our future in a good or bad way. She believes that the
way we are reflects our past experiences. I believed that she is right. My memories from elementary school are
reflecting my role as a teacher. I have some very positive memories of school, and I have some very negative
memories of school. They stay with me when I think about how I will be. (Anna, pre-service teacher)

This reflection represents the sentiments of many bilingual pre-service teachers who draw
upon their memories of school as they prepare for their future role as a teacher. Memories of
school are powerful and provide insight into the attitudes, experiences, and beliefs that pre-
service teachers bring to teacher preparation programs and the classroom (Fragnoli, 2005;
Lortie, 1975). The purpose of this study was to explore the influence of school memories
within a nontraditional bilingual pre-service teacher cohort on future teaching. Research has
long supported that early experiences and memories can help to explain aspects of individuals’
current and future behaviors (e.g., Adler, 1931; Lawrence-Lightfoot, 2004) and that the
memory individuals recall can show values and philosophies that have become core to the
individual (Miller, Gresham, & Fouts, 2011). Researchers have neglected to consider the types
of memories that pre-service teachers carry from their many years of schooling (Miller &
Shifflet, 2016), especially the experiences of bilingual pre-service teachers who share an English
Learner (EL) history in schools (Skerrett, 2008).

CONTACT Kyle Miller kemille@ilstu.edu School of Teaching and Learning, Illinois State University, 237 DeGarmo Campus
Box 5330, Normal, IL 61790.
Kyle Miller is affiliated with the School of Teaching and Learning at Illinois State University.
© 2017 the National Association for Bilingual Education
 BILINGUAL RESEARCH JOURNAL 21

Narrative perspective
This study takes the narrative perspective; it focuses on stories and their power to shape identity
(Gómez, Walker, & Page, 2000). Exploring individuals’ histories is about gaining insights into the
broader human condition by coming to know and understand a situation, profession, institution,
and how individuals have lived (Cole & Knowles, 2001). An individual’s experiences become the
basis for teacher behaviors, the way in which individuals think about themselves as teachers and
images they have of self-as-teacher (Bullough & Pinnegar, 2001).
As pre-service teachers reflect upon and share their narratives about educational experiences, they
can acknowledge and confront insensitive legacies in public education, which presents an opportu-
nity for healing. Eliciting pre-service teachers’ autobiographies can be considered a type of “healing
pedagogy” to understand the impact that school traditions have had on bilingual students who are
now in the process of becoming teachers (Diaz-Soto, 2007; Sarmiento-Arribalzaga & Murillo, 2010).
Through these stories, students can individually and collectively identify underlying themes of shame
and negative ideologies about being ethnically and linguistically diverse (Skerrett, 2008; P. H. Smith
& Murillo, 2013). Through the telling of personal stories, individuals are provided a forum to try to
make sense of their memories and build connections to larger social narratives (Haynes, 2006).
Inviting all students to share their stories is a way to interrogate the status quo of dominant
narratives. Dominant narratives are the collective stories of the majority group (Delgao, 1989). The
dominant narrative presents a picture of the world that reflects positions of relative power and
neglects pluralistic versions, such as the school experiences of bilingual students. Stories of White,
middle-class students have shaped the perceptions and beliefs of what occurs in schools and how
students experience schools (Skerrett, 2008). Conversely, counternarratives are the stories of non-
majority students, which show the possibilities and experiences beyond the constricted “reality”
presented in dominant narratives (Lawson, 1995). Exploring counternarratives is a way to actively
challenge existing conditions and norms that privilege that disadvantage of racial minorities in
schools, as well as broaden one’s understanding of how children experience educational institutions
(Solorzano & Yosso, 2001).
Through the sharing of narratives and autobiographies, students learn the process and benefits of
learning from one another and past experiences. Through writing these narratives, it becomes
apparent that there is not just one truth about growing up in American schools but instead there
are multiple truths and realities (Freire, 2005)—all of which are valuable and can inform future
teaching. This act of written dialogue supports the position that different voices need to be heard and
respected (Sarmiento-Arribalzaga & Murillo, 2010).

English and additional language learners in U.S. schools

A growing number of students in the United States are foreign-born or first-generation immigrants
(Moughamian, Rivera, & Francis, 2009), and approximately 21% of school-aged children speak a
language other than English at home, with over 9% labeled as EL students (National Center for
Educational Statistics, 2016). As the cultural and linguistic diversity of classrooms grows across the
United States, pejorative views of linguistically diverse students still persist among educators (Freeman
& Freeman, 2014; Pereira & Gentry, 2013). While the term bilingual inherently values linguistic
diversity and speaking two languages, schools describe students as “English Learners,” which devalues
multilingualism and all of the student assets that accompany it (Scanlan, Frattura, Schneider, Capper, &
Capper, 2012). Instead, the label and the focus are placed on what students are lacking related to the
English language. This view leads to fewer educational opportunities and lower expectations for
children who are linguistically diverse (Escamilla, Chávez, & Vigil, 2005; Ford & Grantham, 2003).
The deficit perspective presented in these attitudes is not a new phenomenon and has persisted in
public education for decades, where teachers do not perceive language diversity as a right or a
resource (Moll & Ruiz, 2002). The major premise underlying the deficit view, or culturally
22 K. MILLER

disadvantaged paradigm of being a non-English speaker, was that students were somehow defective
or lacking in the ability to speak “correctly” (Motha, Jain, & Tecle, 2012). Historically, the role and
approach of schools was to compensate for EL students’ presumed lack of knowledge and resources
(Flores, Kleyn, & Menken, 2015) by increasing schoollike literacy activities at home, focusing on test
preparation with students, and promoting English proficiency at the earliest possible age for both
children and parents (Schneider, Martinez, & Ownes, 2006).
Deficit views continue to saturate programs serving EL students and direct the way educators
perceive difference as a deficiency in their classrooms (Gutierrez & Jaramillo, 2006; Moll & Ruiz,
2002). The negative assumptions and stereotypes that shadow the deficit perspective lead to
compromised academic outcomes for EL students in the classroom (Pollack, 2012), such as lower
test scores in math and reading and higher dropout rates than White, non-Hispanic students
(National Center for Education Statistics, 2011a; Fry, 2003). This signals an increasing need for
self-reflection within pre-service and in-service teacher populations who serve diverse popula-
tions. It also calls for the exploration of how these views framed the experiences of English
Learners who attended school within that historical context and will be future teachers of the
English language.

The experience of pre-service bilingual teachers in U.S. schools

As student populations become increasingly diverse, the teaching force is still composed of majority
White and monolingual, English-speaking educators (Gay, Dingus, & Jackson, 2003; National Center
for Education Statistics, 2011b) who are often not adequately prepared to effectively teach students
from multilingual backgrounds (de Jong, 2013). If pre-service teachers are not adequately prepared
to recognize and respond to the diversity in classrooms, the mismatch between teacher and student
characteristics may create a barrier to academic success for students (Sleeter, 2008). Therefore,
schools throughout the United States face a growing need for teachers who can effectively work
with children and families of linguistically and culturally diverse backgrounds. This will potentially
alter the traditional, deficit-oriented approaches and allow us to move toward classrooms that affirm
and constructively incorporate linguistic and cultural diversity (Palmer & Martínez, 2013).
As presented earlier, the teaching profession attracts individuals from a particular background who
share a similar set of characteristics. The majority of in-service and pre-service teachers identify as
White, middle-class females (Morrell, 2010). Recruiting and retaining teachers from linguistically and
ethnically diverse backgrounds presents its challenges but also holds promise for schools, since this
population is more likely to serve in “harder-to-staff” urban areas (Achinstein, Ogawa, Sexton, &
Freitas, 2010). More EL students are interested in becoming teachers, as more school districts are in
dire need of bilingual teachers, especially Spanish speakers (Hones, Aguilar, & Thao, 2009). However,
simply sharing a Latino identity with students does not guarantee that students in that classroom will
thrive (Berta-Avila, 2004). Bilingual educators must understand the hegemonic structure of schooling
that has framed and continues to frame education for students. Although former bilingual students
share a unique and valuable perspective of education, it does not mean a professional identity of a
critically conscious educator will naturally unfold (Rios, 2008). When educators are critically conscious
of the power structures of American schools, and how that structure shapes the educational experiences
of students, teachers are more responsive to the needs of students and adopt more pedagogically
relevant practices that support student success (Howard, 2003). Clark and Flores (2001) argue that
this is a transformative process that requires assistance and support. This process could begin with the
unpacking of their personal histories (Miller & Shifflet, 2016).

Teachers’ memories of school

School is often retrospectively viewed through a political and historical lens, with less emphasis on the
lived experience and stories of pre-service teachers (Tanggaard & Nielsen, 2013). The types of school
 BILINGUAL RESEARCH JOURNAL 23

memories recalled by individuals have significant meaning for each individual and can explain values
and philosophies that have become core to the individual (Miller, Dilworth-Bart, & Hane, 2011).
School memories are often revisited and reconstructed over time, as one’s adult self is able to interpret
childhood memories and bring meaning to these life events (Bruner, 2001; Tonkin, 1992; Turunen,
2012). Although schooling is primarily associated with knowledge and skill acquisition, retrospective
reports of school experiences often focus on the power dynamics, discipline, student-teacher relation-
ships, and inequalities that exist in schools (Tanggaard & Nielsen, 2013).
During their schooling, pre-service teachers have spent many years in different classrooms
observing the practices and behaviors of teachers. In fact, students spend approximately
15,000 hours in classrooms during their K–12 school years. Those hours of direct observation
guide pre-service teachers’ beliefs about what makes an effective teacher based on what worked or
did not work for them and other students both academically and socially (Miller & Shifflet, 2016).
Lortie (1975) referred to this phenomenon as the apprenticeship of observation and stressed the
power of educational histories that inform the practices and beliefs of teachers. Memories of
mistreatment or hardships experienced in school can have long-term implications and have been
connected to later maladjustment in adulthood (Rosen, Underwood, Gentsch, Rahdar, & Wharton,
2012). For teachers, emotionally charged school memories provide an important foundation for the
study of current thoughts, behaviors, and identity construction (Miller & Shifflet, 2016; Torres-
Guzmán & Álvarez, 2014).
Instructors of bilingual students who are pursuing a teaching license face a particular challenge:
“How do we ‘deschool’ longstanding traditions of symbolic violence in education and the scars they
have left on students and communities of color?” (Sarmiento-Arribalzaga & Murillo, 2010, p. 61).
Given that many bilingual students report a history of linguistic discrimination and devaluing of home
knowledge, teacher programs need to address school memories so that pre-service teachers, who recall
school practices as inclusive and humanizing, do not carry harmful practices into their future teaching.
Since the majority of pre-service teachers are monolingual and White, that is the lens through which
they view their schooling. Reflecting on school memories is, therefore, vital to preparing teachers for
the classroom (Miller & Shifflet, 2016). Exploring school recollections is a helpful strategy in teacher
training because it guides pre-service teachers to investigate their autobiographical narratives in
relation to emotions, self-identity, and the teachers they seek to become (Pritzker, 2012).

Teachers’ narratives and reflection

Many educational theorists and scholars have documented the role and benefits of teacher reflection
(e.g., Richardson, 1990; Schon, 1983; Valli, 1997). Student narratives are one avenue to assist the process
of reflection. Personal narratives and the sharing of stories is a medium through which students can
connect, position themselves in relation to other students, and reflect on their lives (Clandinin &
Connelly, 2000). Students can begin to negotiate the meaning of these stories as they mutually engage
in “the unfolding of histories of practice” (Wenger, 1998, p. 74). Narratives hold the capacity to examine
the tensions as one’s identity shifts, such as from student to teacher (Pritzker, 2012). They allow pre-
service teachers to examine the challenges, influences, hopes, fears, and frustrations as they currently
exist in the present and simultaneously prepare for the future (Cho, 2014). Urzua and Vásquez (2008) call
this “reflection for action” as individuals can reflect on the past with an eye toward the future.
Limited information is available on how pre-service teachers can begin to explore those memories
and negotiate the intersection of their past as a student and future as a teacher (Conway, 2001; Miller
& Shifflet, 2016). Even less research has adequately investigated the experiences of EL students and
how their experiences will shape the future teachers they will become (Sarmiento-Arribalzaga &
Murillo, 2010). Examining how individuals’ culture, heritage, and language influenced their experi-
ences in school can provide important insight into how students envision and approach their future
role of bilingual teacher.
24 K. MILLER

Methods
Context and participants
This qualitative study draws on data from writing activities with 37 pre-service teachers at a large
teacher training program in the Midwest. Participation was open to students enrolled in two sections
of a foundational course in elementary education. One section of pre-service teachers was composed
of 17 traditional on-campus students. The majority of participants in this section identified as White
and middle-class, which is consistent with the demographic of most teachers in the United States
(Morrell, 2010). The off-campus section was comprised of 20 nontraditional, Hispanic pre-service
teachers in an urban setting. All students enrolled in the two sections were invited to participate in
the study, and consent forms were distributed and collected by a colleague of the instructor-
researcher, who kept the forms in a secure location until the end of the semester. The instructor-
researcher was given the consent forms after all grades were submitted in order to reduce issues of
coercion.
Although both sections received the same content and instructional strategies, the on-campus
cohort consisted of individuals in their late teens and early twenties with limited field-based
experiences. The off-campus cohort consisted of students from the ages of 20–43 years of age,
with a substantive amount of experience with students and schools. These bilingual participants were
part of a grant project designed to recruit paraprofessionals from public schools to help them acquire
their teaching license. The project was federally funded and offered tuition-free courses in urban
satellite locations, as well as guidance counselors to assist paraprofessionals in obtaining a state
teaching license in bilingual education.
At the beginning of the semester, students wrote a short narrative about a memory from
elementary school as part of a class assignment. Students shared their memories in class and
discussed why the memories were meaningful. Additionally, basic sociodemographic information
was collected by the researcher-instructor during brief meetings with students in both cohorts within
the first two weeks of class. It was during that time that students shared information about their
cultural and linguistic backgrounds.
At the end of the semester, students used their memories to complete a discussion post on the
educational site Kidblog where they revisited and reflected on their memories of school and
described their believed impact on future teaching. Students were also required to respond to
classmates’ posts and further reflect on the shared narratives. Additionally, “memories of school”
was also a topic that was woven into class sessions throughout the semester and surfaced in many
class discussions, such as memories of behavior management and discipline, standardized testing,
and working with families. Inquiries related to student narratives are collaborative and evolve over
time. Therefore, the study extended over the entire semester to allow narratives to emerge and build
upon each other for the final blog post and reflection (Clandinin & Connelly, 2000, p. 20).
The written assignments, in combination with the researcher’s memos and field notes from class
discussions, were used to explore three guiding questions:

● What types of memories do bilingual pre-service teachers recall from elementary school, and
why are they meaningful?
● How do bilingual pre-service teachers describe the connection between their memories and
future role of teacher?
● How are the memories of the bilingual and monolingual cohorts similar or different?

The primary focus of the study was to address the first two questions related to the bilingual
cohort, which were previously explored with the monolingual cohort as part of a larger study (Miller
& Shifflet, 2016), and the third question was secondary in comparing themes across the traditional
and nontraditional cohorts.
 BILINGUAL RESEARCH JOURNAL 25

Data analysis
The data analysis process began by creating individual outlines of students’ first memory narrative
and sharing the outlines at an analysis meeting. Based on preliminary labels for each memory, the
instructor-researcher created a codebook with a coresearcher that was applied to the memory
narratives. A similar thematic coding approach was followed to inductively analyze the second
writing assignment that drew upon the initial memory assignment (Boyatzis, 1998). The process
involved five prescribed steps to inductively developing a code: (a) reducing the raw information, (b)
identifying themes within subsamples, (c) comparing themes across subsamples, (d) creating a code,
and (e) determining the reliability of the code. NVivo 9 (QSR International) was used to manage the
data, as well as code and further interrogate codes through a constant comparison process (Corbin &
Strauss, 2015). In many cases it was difficult to assign one theme to each memory because many of
the themes operated in tandem in any given quotation or memory. Therefore, some of the memories
were double-coded, as they contained elements of different themes within the narrative.
Reliability was achieved by determining consistency between the researchers’ coding of tran-
scripts, by comparing their independently coded transcripts, and discussing discrepancies until
reaching agreement. Bazeley’s (2007) approach to lumping data was used for coding purposes.
During this process, the researchers met periodically to discuss any issues or questions with the
application of codes. Based on the ongoing process of coding and interrogating data with software
assistance, the researchers began to identify the most frequent and meaningful themes to report in
the findings. This was accompanied with ongoing discussions of latent content that could help
explain the manifest coding on the surface level. Frequency was one of the most important indicators
for the strength of a theme. However, frequency was coupled with the significance of the theme for
participants, which was determined through critical discussions (Berg, 1998). All conversations were
linked back to the research questions and what was being investigated.
Given the potential for researcher bias in analyzing qualitative data, it was important to con-
tinually address my positionality as a researcher. As a White female from a middle-class, suburban
family, I shared many characteristics with the monolingual cohort of pre-service teachers. However,
I also lived and taught abroad in Central America for several years, which contributed to my
appreciation of linguistic and cultural diversity. These personal characteristics and experiences
influence how I see the world and interpret data. For that reason, I engaged in critical conversations
with colleagues and peers about the ideas emerging from the data (Berg, 1998), shared the coding
process with another researcher (Boyatzis, 1998), and engaged in reflexive memo writing during the
data collection and analysis process (Corbin & Strauss, 2015).

Findings
Based on the thematic analysis, the bilingual cohort recalled more adversity in school, and many of
their memories involved issues related to immigration and growing up as a bilingual student.
However, some students recalled some very positive relationships and moments in elementary
school that encouraged them to enter the field of education. The most robust themes that emerged
from the data were: (a) school transitions, (b) embarrassing moments, (c) English language acquisi-
tion, (d) turning points, and (e) call to teaching. The following sections explain some of the main
findings of how el pasado refleja el futuro (‘the future is a reflection of the past’). Table 1 displays
each theme with a definition and explanation of how it emerged across the traditional and
nontraditional cohorts.

School transitions
Immigrating to the United States, changing schools, or exiting bilingual classrooms were pivotal
moments that students recalled and will inform their future actions as a teacher. These transitions
26 K. MILLER

Table 1. Overview and Comparison of Themes.

Theme Bilingual Cohort
School Pre-service teachers described memories of the
Transitions challenges associated with immigrating to the United
States and entering a new school system, while others
recalled transitioning from bilingual to monolingual
classrooms and feeling misunderstood or viewed
negatively by teachers.
“I came to the United States when I was 9. I entered “The memory that I wrote about and reflected on was
fourth grade and I remember my teacher’s name, but
I remember not one thing from her. It is as if I
blocked fourth grade from my memory because it
was all so overwhelming. When I am a teacher, I
wonder if this will happen to my students. I hope
they have a different experience with me. I don’t
want to be a blur in their memory.”
Monolingual Cohort
A few pre-service teachers described memories
associated with starting a new school or
transitioning to a new grade level. Some memories
were associated with insecurities in light of starting
over and other memories were associated with the
positive aspect of having a fresh start in a new
setting.
about my first day of kindergarten and how I made
my first friend at school. While looking back and
reflecting on this experience, it has made me realize
how important the first day of school is. I remember
being excited every year to get back to school and
see all of my friends, but I also remember the nerves
that came along with the excitement. This memory
has made me realize how important it is for the
teacher to create a warm and welcoming
environment for all students to walk into on their
first day of school each and every year.”

Embarrassing Pre-service teachers recalled a lack of sensitivity on the Pre-service teachers recalled a lack of sensitivity on the
Moments part of some teachers and experiencing embarrassing part of some teachers and experiencing embarrassing
or humiliating moments in their classrooms. Many of or humiliating moments in their classrooms. Some
these moments were connected to their heritage, were personal experiences, while others were
language differences, or cultural practices. vicariously experienced by observing a classmate’s
embarrassment.
“I remember an incident with my second-grade teacher “In third grade I had a teacher who was very strict.
when I had just immigrated to the U.S. One day I One of his rules was to keep our desks clean, tidy,
needed to use the bathroom, so had to walk out of and not cluttered. There was a girl in my class who
the class because it was an emergency. Then I got in was constantly breaking that rule. One day I
trouble from the teacher because she said that I witnessed him physically pick her desk up and
didn’t have permission, and she yelled at me in front dump its contents onto the floor. He then made
of all the students. It was so embarrassing. And my her stay to clean it all up. This is something I will
parents had to come and talk to the teacher. My never forget seeing because I was horrified by it.
parents and I did not think that going to the He humiliated her in front of her peers.”
bathroom was a big deal because in Mexico you are
allowed to use the bathroom without the teacher’s
permission. I don’t see the big deal. I will let my
students use the bathroom when they need to.”

English Pre-service teachers described struggles associated with This theme did not appear in the monolingual cohort.
Language learning and using the English language in school. These There was no reference to their own emerging
Acquisition memories included lack of access to the curriculum or language skills or to English Learners in their
discussion in the classroom, as well as linguistic mistakes classrooms.
with English words and American phrases.
“One thing that I remember during my high school
years is this one English teacher. I remember being
nervous every time I would have to go to her class
because she used to randomly call on students to
answer questions and if the student did not have the
correct answer, she would make fun of them and
embarrassed them in front of the class. I was always
panicking, thinking that she was going to call on me
and make fun of me, especially because I still worried
about my English. When I had to talk in front of the
class my English was even worse!”
(Continued )
 BILINGUAL RESEARCH JOURNAL 27

Table 1. (Continued).
Theme Bilingual Cohort Monolingual Cohort
Turning Pre-service teachers identified moments or events that A few student referenced times when they got the
Points reshaped their life as a student and educational “spark” for teaching. However, the majority of
trajectory. In some cases it was related to developing students reported that they have always known they
greater self-confidence in the classroom and in other were going to be a teacher from a young age.
cases it was related to receiving support to change
their school-related mind-set or behaviors.
“It was in middle school that things changed for me. It “I have known I wanted to be a teacher for nearly my
was a time when the information started to make whole life. It was in preschool when I started
sense and I started to feel good about myself in playing school. I was the teacher and made my
school. At this age, I figured out it was okay to fail at siblings pretend they were my students.”
times but that I had to learn from my failures and get
back up. I pictured myself going to college, which I
hadn’t before.”

Call to Pre-service teachers described their inspiration to Pre-service teachers described their inspiration to
Teaching become a teacher or the driving force that helped become a teacher or the driving force that helped
them realize that they were meant to teach as a them realize that they were meant to teach as a
profession. Memories were often connected to profession. Memories were often connected to
teachers or moments when their heritage and cultural teachers who showed them that teaching was a
identity were viewed as positive characteristics. “fun” and rewarding profession.
“One teacher that really motivated me in becoming a “I had teachers who were exceptional. They were fun,
teacher was my sixth-grade teacher. She made me they differentiated our instruction, they were great
come out of my shell, showed me it was okay to role models, and they provided me with many
think different, respected my opinion, and motivated experiences that I can build upon. They made me
me to continue speaking in Spanish. I always think want to be a teacher.”
about her and the work she did and the dedication
she put into every lesson. She continues to influence
what type of teacher I want to be.”

are linked to memories of novelty and uncertainty that brought feelings of vulnerability in the school
setting. Students often described these moments in their narratives because they left such powerful
marks on their school experiences and how they viewed the needs of bilingual students.
A few students recalled their transition to the United States and entering the American school
system with limited linguistic and cultural knowledge about this new setting. Gabby wrote:
When I was a sixth grader in Mexico, my father had the opportunity to bring us to United States. I arrived with
eight brothers and sisters to America not knowing any English. I suffered the transition. For me, everything was
new—the language, the culture, and the school. When I started school in California, I was enrolled in an
English-only class. I survived the last three weeks in school; luckily for me it was at the end of the school year.
Mostly I remember that I didn’t have any friends.

Students who revisited transnational moves reported the most disruption and shock. While the
move was often framed as an opportunity with promise, students remembered the fear and cultural
dissonance they faced. It encouraged them to consider the needs of students who are just arriving to
the country and faced with a myriad of changes.
Other students reflected on transitions they experienced within the American school system.
Namely, the participants recalled when classroom placements changed from a bilingual to general
education classroom. Cynthia wrote:
In third grade there were many changes that happened to me from a new house, a new school, and a new
language. Not only was I in a new school but I exited the bilingual program. When I exited the program, there
was only one other person that spoke Spanish in the classroom. I did not speak much in the classroom. I think
third grade brought a lot challenges to me. There were too many changes.

This was a common storyline in the writing samples. Students were moved to general education
classrooms before they felt prepared, or the new environment was overwhelming in a way that
diminished their self-efficacy related to language. Although identified as ready for a monolingual,
28 K. MILLER

general education classroom, these bilingual students struggled when fully immersed in an English-
only environment, which commonly occurs for students (Brice & Perkins, 1997).
The presence of just one transition can jolt the experience of a child; however, the bilingual pre-
service teachers were expected to adapt to a new culture, lifestyle, school structure, and language
within a small period of time. In the case of one participant, she lacked any clear memories of her
first school year in the United States and hypothesized that the overwhelming nature of all of the
changes left this year as a “blur” in her memory bank (see Table 1). These stories led to a prospective
reflection on what this means for their future students.
Students that are transitioning to an American school way of teaching really need support. They need someone
to understand where they come from and build that trust and relationship with the students in order to get the
positive results that we all want to see.

Students in the traditional elementary cohort also recalled the impact of transitions. However,
their stories described entering kindergarten for the first time, moving to a different school within
the state, or moving from one grade to the next. Although the transitions were impactful, they did
not involve such extreme changes that were chronicled by the bilingual cohort. Both cohorts drew
upon these memories and plan to provide more support for student transitions and foster a more
welcoming and inclusive classroom environment.

Embarrassing moments
Many students recalled a great deal of insensitivity or frustration on the part of teachers, and some
even experienced humiliation in the classroom. The memories often involved students being singled
out for behavioral or academic reasons and were linked to demoralizing comments or actions of the
teacher. For example, Table 1 displays a quotation from a participant who was criticized in front of
the class for violating the bathroom policy. Based on her experiences in Mexico, she believed she was
allowed to use the bathroom without asking permission; however, this conflicted with the policy of
her new American teacher, who required permission and a bathroom pass. The participant admitted
that it seemed like a minor event, but it remains one of her first memories of American schools, and
it continues to elicit an emotional reaction.
Another participant shared a story about her teacher taping her mouth shut because she was
talking too much in class. Maribel wrote:

I was in the third grade and my teacher was passing back the math homework. I look at all the markings on my
homework and across my paper the teacher had written: “Is this even possible?” This is an example of how I
struggled with processing information, which lowered my self-esteem. I’m not sure if the teacher knows how
much she hurt me.

Although the memories are not always described as a result of linguistic or cultural barriers, one
can imagine that those characteristics made the bilingual students more vulnerable or sensitive to
these moments. For example, one student recalled a teacher saying to her, “You look pooped.” She
interpreted the sentence literally and became concerned about how she smelled. She expressed this
concern to the teacher, who then laughed at her because she did not understand the American
expression. This simple moment seemed benign to the teacher but has stayed with this student for
years. Although she now rationalizes that the teacher was probably trying to laugh with her, not at
her, she remembers feeling humiliated.
Embarrassment was a universal theme elicited from both groups. Even hearing other students’
stories inspired the pre-service teachers to use these negative memories to promote more patience
and understanding with students. One student wrote, “I am almost glad I went through this, because
I know I will never do the same to my students.” This is an example of how a negative school
experience can be reconfigured to provide something positive for education, which emerged across
 BILINGUAL RESEARCH JOURNAL 29

both cohorts (Miller & Shifflet, 2016). Reflecting on the negative in order to transform it to
something beneficial served as part of a healing process for students.

English language acquisition

Since the participants in the bilingual cohort experienced school as ELs, it is not a surprise that
memories involving language struggles or linguistic mistakes emerged across a number of writing
assignments. Many of their memories and quotes overlap with the theme of embarrassing moments
because the language differences they faced left them feeling confused or humiliated in an English-
dominant setting. Sandra wrote:
My ghost all started in the second grade when I was thrown in a monolingual classroom. My teachers name was
Ms. Boyer. (How could I forget, she was mean!) Ms. Boyer was not too happy with me being in her classroom.
(At least that is how she made me feel). I felt she did not like me very much. How could she? I did not speak a
word of English and I was very shy. She would get after me for the most minimal things. I could not line up fast
enough for her. I could not answer to any of the story questions during reading groups. I could not pass any of
the spelling test and I when we had group discussion I never participated. Well DUH! Because I did not speak
English! Looking back now that teacher never bothered to help me understand or advocate for me to be moved
from her classroom. I was not lazy. I was confused by the language and I really wish she would have tried to be
placed in a different classroom.

This quote was indicative of a number of narratives provided by students. There was a common
sentiment that teachers did not understand them or their linguistic circumstances, which led to
awkward and embarrassing moments. Moving from a bilingual to monolingual classroom was
frequently documented and discussed by students because it was the first time they were facing
such linguistic and cultural dissonance with a teacher and classroom. Although all teachers should
consider themselves language teachers to some degree in supporting students as they develop the
requisite English skills for success in school, most teachers do not view this as their responsibility (de
Jong, 2013). Several participants described going through a silent period due to the change and lack
of support from the monolingual teacher. For example:
I remember back in third grade I became a selective mute. I had been in bilingual education from kindergarten
to second grade. Then in third grade I was exited from the program but still did not know English very well.
They put me in a class with an African-American teacher who only spoke English, and looking back I think I
was in shock. So I went through a silent period.

Even though this student believed she had made advancements with English, the change was so
overwhelming she was unable to produce the language with classmates. It was through her intro-
ductory education courses that she learned about the term “silent period” (Bligh & Drury, 2015). As
this student shared her story with the class, she said she was relieved that this was an actual
phenomenon in education and she was not alone. Having the words to describe what she went
through brought her some peace.
Other students described the overwhelming process of simultaneously trying to learn the language
and content in class and often falling behind. Many students reflected on feelings of inadequacy in
the classroom because they needed additional time to process the content and discussions, as their
classmates moved at a more rapid pace. Students recalled their English-speaking peers actively
calling out answers while they were still trying to process the questions. There was a continuous
presence of anxiety, with the fear that they would be called upon and unprepared to respond in front
of classmates, as expressed by the participant in Table 1. The memories related to English language
acquisition intersected with participants’ newly acquired content from the college course about
differentiation and accommodation and how this teaching strategy can help all students engage at
their own pace.
After learning about differentiating and accommodation, I hope to not have children feel behind and give every
child an opportunity to learn in their own way. I understand that there will still be cases, but I want to be
30 K. MILLER

careful enough to where the impact I make is remembered as a positive one, not negative because some
incidents can never be forgotten.

The “scars” of language that participants presented in this theme were still very apparent for these
bilingual pre-service teachers years later. The memories are powerful and permeate into their current
professional preparation. Several students also believed their EL status in school and treatment by
teachers left a negative mark. Brenda wrote, “Some of my most vivid memories in elementary school
are of frustrated teachers, which did take a toll on my self-esteem as well as my identity.” As students
in a university-level course, they expressed a great deal of anxiety about their English abilities and
writing submissions, even though I did not notice a large difference between the traditional and
bilingual cohorts. This may have been due to students in the bilingual cohort investing more time in
editing their work or they simply had unrealistically negative views about their English abilities.
Either way, these memories made a lasting impact on their current views of themselves as adult
learners.
Language issues did not emerge in the traditional cohort’s memories. Although some pre-service
teachers in traditional cohort reported academic challenges, they were not specifically linked to the
acquisition or use of English. Conversely, language memories of the nontraditional cohort made pre-
service teachers aware of the EL process and increased their ability to empathize with EL students,
which has been documented in other research (Hones et al., 2009). It also encouraged many students
to enter a bilingual teaching program because they did not want other students to face the
frustrations they recalled from school. It helped many students imagine different experiences for
their future students. For example:
As a future teacher I plan to be more understanding of my students’ culture. This was a huge challenge for me
as I went to an all American English language school. As a child learning English I felt powerless not being able
to communicate with my peers and teachers. With the experience I am gaining as a student-teacher I plan for
my students to have a successful transition from Spanish to English. I want my students to feel invigorated to
learn new things to express what they have learned.

Like this student, most writing samples and discussions remained vague in how students would
embrace different models of teaching than what they experienced. Most pre-service teachers focused
on having a welcoming and supportive disposition, rather than offer specific strategies for how this
could be accomplished in the classroom.
Alternatively, one student did credit her teachers with exercising patience and supporting her
learning as an EL student. She recalled many opportunities when teachers could have “torn her
down” but instead found ways to build on her strengths and make her feel good about her
progress. She specifically remembered her fourth-grade teacher’s classroom as warm and nurtur-
ing and the teacher’s disposition as enthusiastic and positive. The walls were covered with
positive quotes, and her teacher helped her look up each word in her Spanish-English dictionary
to translate.
Like this student, there were a few examples of students who positively remembered their EL label
in the school setting and held a positive working model of teachers. Students also acknowledged that
their schooling became more comfortable and enjoyable once their English advanced and they felt
less powerless with the ability to communicate, build relationships, and participate in class. In fact,
gaining English skills helped students to feel less defined by the EL label and gave participants a
greater sense of belonging and agency in the classroom. This shift led to a transformation for
students, which is discussed in the next theme.

Turning points
Many students described “turning points” during their schooling, which consisted of pivotal
moments or events that reshaped their educational trajectory. It was often a type of transformation
for students as they recognized their potential rather than focusing on what they lacked. In some
 BILINGUAL RESEARCH JOURNAL 31

cases the turning point was a specific grade in their schooling and for others it was one moment that
changed their thinking and actions as a student. Elena wrote:
It wasn’t difficult to immediately remember Sister Elizabeth. She was strict and religious.One day, a boy named
William threw his books and started crying, ‘I can’t do this!’ Everyone in the class gasped with both fear and
astonishment. She approached him and said, ‘I’m not asking you if you would like to try to do your work, YOU
will because you CAN!’ Then she went through this check list; ‘Did you have breakfast, do you have a shoes,
clothes? How about a home? Your parents left their family, friends and life they knew to come here and they
work very hard so you could sit here and learn. LEARN and have an education!’ That was it. I was a going to
learn, get an education and travel. Sister Elizabeth showed me the power of words, which I will remember with
my own students.

Edgar also recalled a “wake-up call” in his schooling. It was not a positive experience but one that
has stayed with him for many years. He shared:
Earlier this semester when we talked about this topic in class, I wrote about a time when I was in fifth grade and
I was ready to be transferred from a bilingual classroom to an all English classroom. Our fifth grade teacher
gave us a spelling test on what was supposed to be my last day in that class. I decided not to study for the test
and when we took the test, I didn’t put any effort into it and failed it. My teacher was so mad that she yelled at
me and kept me in bilingual for the rest of the year. Ever since that test I have learned that no matter what the
situation is you should always give it everything you have. This experience is always the first thing I think about
when I recall my elementary school years and I’ve learned to not take anything for granted.

This theme was more prevalent in the bilingual cohort, and it often presented the moment when
school started to “click” as students developed academic confidence or discovered a new level of
motivation to succeed in the classroom. For example, Table 1 describes one student’s memory of
finally feeling academically competent as she began to comprehend the curriculum, which in turn,
changed her motivation for school and school mind-set. In contrast, pre-service teachers in the
traditional cohort recalled this turning point during early childhood when their free play became
dominated by teacher-student role playing with friends and siblings. For some bilingual participants
it was about gaining the knowledge and skills to succeed in the classroom, while for others, it was
about recognizing the power structure of schools and learning to navigate the system (Brice &
Perkins, 1997; Skerrett, 2008). In a few cases, the pivotal moment occurred when participants finally
envisioned college as a viable option; it was a transformation as students recognized their potential as
students (González, Stoner, & Jovel, 2003). Based on these memories of turning points, participants
anticipated they would enter the teaching profession with an open mind-set and would believe in the
abilities of all students.

Call to teaching
A few participants across both cohorts recalled moments related to their “call to teaching,” or their
inspiration to enter the field of education. This theme typically involved a positive moment of
triumph or a special connection with a teacher.
It was my third grade school year and my teachers name was Mrs. Chase. Every student in that class was
Hispanic. Being a minority sometimes we tend to be treated differently. However Mrs. Chase never made us
feel inferior or any different than her or the rest of the school. Mrs. Chase was truly like a second mom to all of
us. She cared for us, taught us, and even shared her personal life with us, as did we. Mrs. Chase is why I am
becoming a teacher and who I want to be.

Another student, Alejandro, wrote:

When I was in seventh grade I have a wonderful English teacher. His name was Mr. Santana. He taught us
many words in English. He gave us courage to try the pronunciation. He was a positive person. Unfortunately,
after 3 months of school he had an accident and we never saw him again. This memory of Mr. Santana made
me want to be a teacher who encourages English Learners to do their best and to tell them not be afraid of
speaking English.
32 K. MILLER

Call to teaching is a long-established phenomenon in educational research, and it continues to be

an important area of scholarship (Bullough & Bauman, 1997). These moments often highlight
teachers who serve as role models for students because their approach was not just about inclusion
for EL students in their classroom but about creating an environment for optimal input and success
for students who are often marginalized (Echevarría & Graves, 2011). In the case of the participant
displayed in Table 1, her call to teaching resulted from the strengths-based perspective of a teacher
who encouraged her to continue speaking Spanish and appreciated diversity in the classroom.
Students in the bilingual and monolingual cohorts recalled the moment they “knew” they would
become a teacher. The memory of that moment keeps them motivated to train and become a highly
effective teacher. However, there were notable differences between the two groups within this theme.
The bilingual cohort was inspired by teachers who accepted their cultural and linguistic differences
and made them feel at home in the classroom, while the traditional cohort was inspired by teachers
who were “fun” or helped them develop a love of learning.

Discussion
Teacher educators must recognize the influence of personal histories on new teachers’ pedagogies and
how personal histories shape conclusions pre-service teachers reach during teacher training about their
future role as a teacher (Knowles & Holt-Reynolds, 1991; Motha, Jain, & Tecle, 2012). Memory work and
the sharing of memories provide opportunities for pre-service teachers to “reinvent” memories and use
them as a positive force (Mitchell & Weber, 1999). These reflections are needed to view one’s memories
from a new perspective and to acknowledge their personal images of teaching and learning, as they
impact what kinds of teachers they want to become (Uitto & Estola, 2009; Uitto & Syrjala, 2008).
Stories show sides of pre-service teachers’ lives through their narrations of experiences in school
and interpretations of these experiences (Day & Leitch, 2001; Gómez, Rodríguez, & Agosto, 2008).
The findings from this study suggest that school memories often reflect pre-service teachers’ cultural
and linguistic characteristics. The majority of pre-service teachers are White, middle-class, and
monolingual, who may have been afforded a number of privileges within the education system,
and therefore recall school as a joyous and warm place (Miller & Shifflet, 2016). However, memories
for the bilingual cohort tended to have a negative tone or involved a negative experience that
students use as a motivating tool to become a teacher and provide a better experience for the next
generation (Valencia, 2002). T. J. Smith and Paul (2000) write:
When we look back and construct stories of the painful aspects of our pasts we can begin to break down the
wall of silence that keeps the painful process of cruelty circling through generations. By the same token, stories
of teachers who have shared power with us in loving and equitable ways allow us to connect to our own growth
and healing. This lineage is the key to becoming a good teacher. We are not just made on the spot. (p. 7)

Such healing was observed in many students over the course of the semesters, as they revisited
their memories and were able to explain their behaviors with new insight, such as the memory of the
student who went through a “silent period.”
Similar to other studies, the pre-service teacher narratives suggested that their academic self-
efficacy was compromised due to their “English Learner” label and treatment in school, which in
turn was carried with participants into their teacher preparation program (Rodríguez & Reis, 2012).
In some cases students had released themselves from the deficit view attached to this label, while
others were still working through those recalled ideologies of their language and background
characteristics. Deficit views of English Learners may remain with bilingual students as they
consciously or unconsciously accept the English language as the premier language in schools
(Motha, Jain, & Tecle, 2012). As participants greatly desired to take on the role of teacher, some
still doubted their language abilities and capacity to pass English-proficiency exams for graduation.
They focused on what they might be “lacking” rather than recognizing their multilingual assets.
Therefore, it may benefit students in both types of cohorts to examine the ways in which dominant
 BILINGUAL RESEARCH JOURNAL 33

language ideologies may damage students’ success and experiences in schools, making bilingual
students feel unintelligent or inferior (Young, 2002).
Like participants in this study, many pre-service teachers report entering teaching with the desire
to “make a difference” and have an impact on a child (Fragnoli, 2005). Teaching has transformative
qualities and was embedded in participants’ call to teaching as they reflected on teachers who
changed their lives in school and how they hope to make a similar impact. Although some negative
experiences may rest in the memories of these future bilingual teachers, many believed school
experiences can be changed for current EL students and saw their new role as offering promise
and possibilities (Torres-Guzmán & Álvarez, 2014).
Memories of EL students can benefit the training and professional development of all future and
in-service teachers. Illuminating these counternarratives and bringing an awareness that elementary
school was not a fairy-tale-like place for many students can encourage the analysis of multiple
perspectives and rejection of a dominant narrative, which is necessary for growth as a teacher. This
may challenge the preconceived ideas of teachers who shared overwhelmingly positive memories of
school. Designing pedagogical experiences that bring discomfort to the classroom or professional
development experiences can help teachers embrace a critical and historical awareness of how
language and culture was, and continues to be, undermined in schools (Freeman & Freeman, 2014).
There are a variety of ways in which instructors could incorporate storytelling and reflection into
courses. For example, commonly used discussion forums or blog assignments could incorporate
memory-related prompts and anticipatory reflection. This would also allow students from different
backgrounds to vicariously experience different school experiences and learn from one another.
Students could write and share their autobiographies, and the class could look for collective themes
or storylines that challenge mainstream narratives. Additionally, students could interview teachers in
the field about their educational memories and how memories impact their teaching, followed by a
reflective discussion on how culture and language informed teacher responses. These are exercises
that can also benefit the instructors, who can gain an understanding of the cognitive and emotional
process attached to exploring memories, as well as reassess their own ideologies. The purpose of
these activities is not to agitate pre-service teachers but rather to prompt a reassessment of their
previous beliefs or preconceived ideas (Nail & Townsend, 2010). Nonetheless, students should also
be advised to select memories that they are emotionally ready to revisit and reflect upon, and
instructors can identify counseling supports available for students, if necessary.
We live “storied” lives; and stories are individual constructions of experience that are not
objective (Clandinin & Connelly, 2000). Each time we revisit memories they are reshaped through
new experiences and new information that we continually gain about the world through our current
thoughts and behaviors (Bruner, 2001). Therefore, the “accuracy” of memories can always be
questioned. On the other side, one could argue that objectivity and accuracy are not the goal but
rather understanding an individual’s reality and how they narrate their lives. Regardless, memories
of pre-service teachers should not be used alone in interpreting and explaining the thoughts and
behaviors of teachers. The technique of reflecting on the past to anticipate the future should
complement other research techniques in this area of study.

Conclusion
All pre-service teachers can benefit from sharing and listening to stories, especially from
students whose lives and experiences challenge the “norm” in teacher training programs
(Gómez et al., 2008). This type of reflection can allow students to revisit and critically examine
one’s past, as well as anticipate and imagine future opportunities (Kyle, McIntyre, Miller, &
Moore, 2005). It provides a forum to process the components of what did or did not work
during their schooling. Pre-service teachers should not assume that school was a supportive or
even equitable place for all students. The bilingual cohort’s narratives provide a platform to
truly explore heritage, culture, and language and can promote important reflective
34 K. MILLER

conversations about schools and social justice (Monzo & Rueda, 2001). However, growing up
as an EL student does not necessarily guarantee one’s ability to teach or bond with all students.
Pre-service teachers still need effective instruction in critically interrogating their backgrounds
and in building a classroom community that forges unity amidst diversity (Skerrett, 2008). By
dedicating time to this type of reflection, teacher educators can utilize the sharing of stories as
a transformative tool for future bilingual teachers. The stories and subsequent dialogues can
support cultural and social awareness for all future teachers who hold the capacity to change
the lives of children (Sarmiento-Arribalzaga & Murillo, 2010).

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