final say

By Natalie Tucker Miller, IAC-CC

Reproduced with the permission of choice Magazine, www.choice-online.com

Reproduced with the permission of choice Magazine, www.choice-online.com

Respecting Our Elders “Someday you

will be old
Building a platform for stronger, gentler and
enough to start
easier relationships
reading fairy
tales again.”
As the population shifts to accom- ents” and in the care-giv- — C.S. Lewis
modate the rapidly growing 65+ ing field, “It’s like working
demographic, we’ll begin to see many with children.” Although the above accordance with these different
of our clients’ needs shift. Whether C.S. Lewis quote appears to indi- stages, we begin to build a bridge of
we’re coaching people who are part of cate a reversion to a former time – connection. Imagine the possibility
this developmental stage or clients and it can feel as though our elders of more and more people honoring
who take on the responsibility of have regressed – there are clear dis- the later stages of life by responding
senior and elder care, there are tinctions to the contrary. If we are with this in mind, increasing the
specifics to consider that might not to connect meaningfully and pur- likelihood of addressing the unique
be as necessary with other clientele. posefully with our elders, it will needs of individuals as well as pro-
Several years ago my mother serve us to acknowledge and under- viding the platform for stronger yet
asserted, “You’ve never been 80, so stand those distinctions. We can gentler and yes, easier, relationships.
please don’t assume to know what’s then alter the language to better Consider the examples in the box
best for me.” One of the primary reflect our roles and relationships. at lower left of what certain behav-
truths of life is that, at least in our Ultimately, this has the power to iors might indicate when conveyed
current physical iteration, we have lessen the negative emotions that by a young person vs. an elder.
not experienced the age of the elders often drive us when we spend time Remembering these distinctions
in our care. This is a major consider- with our elders, and to create a last- can help us guide our clients to more
ation that is often overlooked by the ing legacy of love. rewarding and fulfilling lives.
weary and worrisome children of So if we’re not “parenting our par- My mother, now past the age of 88
elder parents and the executives, ents,” what exactly are we doing? and living in the mysterious world of
administrators and caregivers who As parents, we notice our children dementia, continues to appreciate
are spread thin by the demands of a approaching the world from curiosi- being treated with the dignity she is
largely understaffed profession. ty, whereas elders are at a stage of rightfully due. There are more and
We often hear adult children of reflection. Similar behaviors may more modifications that need to be
aging parents express sentiments emerge from these points of refer- addressed as her abilities change. How-
such as, “I am parenting my par- ence; however, when we respond in ever, I choose to remain fully aware
that my role is not that of
BEHAVIOR POSSIBLE MEANING POSSIBLE MEANING parent, but of a child who is
FOR CHILD FOR ELDER
curious about what discov-
Attention seeking: Not getting the recognition they Desiring a connection with and under-
feel they deserve. standing from the people with whom eries will come with each
they are in direct contact. new interaction. •
Resistance to Feeling the need to have limits Wanting freedom of choice within
suggestions: lifted commensurate with their the imposed boundaries created by a Natalie Tucker Miller is a coach-
expanding abilities. diminished capacity of function. ing instructor and founder of
Argumentative in Needing to be acknowledged Needing to be honored for their Ageless-Sages, publisher of pic-
conversation: for their growth and knowledge. accumulated wisdom.
ture books for elders and adults.

50 VOLUME 6 NUMBER 2