The Young Adult LGBTQ Community

Introduction

The LGBTQ community has grown into a mass world-wide community, but do we ignore

the long strides they have had to make in terms of acceptance into the world? Why and how is

there oppression for members within the community itself? Understanding the expansive history

of the gay community, what kind of progression are its’ members still looking for? What is

waiting for members as they ‘come out’ of the metaphorical closet? Throughout this study we

observe a young ‘twink’and his other fellow-members as they show us the unique reality of

living in a world-wide community that is ironically still trying to find acceptance from their

neighbors. The focus of this study centers on the particular demographic within the LGBTQ

community of members under thirty years-old.

I came into the study with the desire to understand the life of a member of the LGBTQ

community is like in a town where Christianity is a firm influence in local politics and public

opinion, also to see how members of the community genuinely lead their lives and deal with

stereotypes. I personally am a member of the Christian community and as someone who has

close affiliates (family and friends) in the LGBTQ community, I wanted to know how different

their lives truly lead from mine, even as we live in close proximity with one another.

In terms of culture shock, I can isolate the place and time where I felt it the most. The

Pride Festival celebrates usually in a large cities where lesbian, gay transgender, and queer

culture and history is celebrated. A very accepting, open, and sexually expressive festival, social

boundaries regarding creative expression through clothing are considerably lax. All classes of

dress which would usually be held in a normal setting as ‘unacceptable’ or outlandish are on full
display and are encouraged and on full display. What shocked me was the various members

roaming the premise in pasties on their chest or in mere underwear, cross-dressing, etc. There

were different forums and places that I was surprised to see, in particular a suggestive-looking

men's underwear shop where risque items were being sold. As with other outdoor-centered

events, the scent of a particular substance lingers in the air, though this is not to let us presume

that all members of the community partake in it. Ironically, I didn’t quite recognize my

out-of-placeness or embarrassment to document the situation until I reviewed the pictures

afterward, I could tell by the angles of the photos that I was trying my best to seem sly and

inconspicuous. People were bringing their children into the festival, given there was a specific

and designated place for children on the premise, one might be a little surprised at the fact that

people would expose their children to an atmosphere where multiple very exposed bodies were

clearly visible. One woman in particular was sporting pasties while playing bean bag-toss with

what appeared to be her 12 year-old son. Another observer with me commented “The easiest way

I could explain that experience was that I felt like I was wearing ‘too much clothes.’”

Methods

The means by which I was able to conduct fieldwork included several personal informal

and formal interviews via email and phone. Areas studied included language and

communication, kinship and descent, marriage, gender, the arts, and politics. Main areas in

which I was able to observe included Washington Square, where the Pride festival was held, and

the house. The different methods I used were direct observation, some participant observation

when I attended the festival, formal and informal interviews and kinship diagram.The number of
visits I was able to make were about six and the hours I was able to spend were about 40 --a

lesbian couple stayed over with us and I was able to observe them for about 2 days.

This is an observation has been made on the particular struggles that the community deals

with as a whole and the kinds of oppression from individual parts. Included in this observation

are various photographs of festivals and symbols that are used for the communities’ celebrations

of membership and personal accounts and interviews that give windows into what it means to be

a member. Members observed and interviewed include Jem Morgenstern, a 22 year-old white,

American male from the Salt Lake Area who is openly gay and has been in the community for

several years, Lauren Ramos, a 30 year-old lesbian from L.A. who has been a member of the

community since she was thirteen, Howard Tran, a 21 year-old member of the community who

has only joined in a recent amount of years, and two white female members of the community

who chose to remain anonymous. These members of the community were chosen for their

various ethnic, class, and age backgrounds as well as length of membership in the community.

Although geographically most of these members live within a 20 mile radius of each other, their

lifestyles place them in completely different experiences and places within the community.

(Names have been changed to protect the identity of subjects).

Language and Communication

In the gay community there is a strong use of jargon, Jem shared some basic vocabulary

with me. He referred to himself as a ‘tiwnk’ which is a word used to describe gays within his

demographic, a young, cute male. A ‘bear’ --a more gruff, masculine kind of member of the

community. A ‘jock’ --a member of the community who’s name is commonly known in other

communities: a sporty, fit, male who likes working out and taking care of himself. An ‘otter’
--one whose masculinity ranges in between that of a twink and a bear. Such labels are applied in

the gay community and used specifically for males. For typical vocabulary and labels for the

females in the LGBTQ community, I discovered that there is a less wide selection. The word

‘butch’ would constitute a woman who rates highly masculine on the lesbian scale --she wears

her hair usually cut in a boy style and wears mens’ clothing. Such linggo is generally used

proxemically, in which mostly members of the community only practice it among themselves.

Kinesics are important factors in speech. When a gay man is speaking, he uses his hands.

The practice could be comparable to the way Europeans stereotypically speak --particularly

Italians. The Flamboyant gestures are sometimes what determines or gives away the membership

to the community. We read from Ringrose and Rawlings (2015). “Gayness, as the oppositional

force of normative hetero-masculinity, could be materially produced in a range of ways that

related to the look, personality, dress, walk and talk of the boy” (pg. 26). The femininity of men

in the community is often a give-away, verbal or non-verbal. Paralanguage is also a form in

which men in the community, as well as women are discovered. Pitch for example, in men is

higher, while in lesbian women it is lower. A sense of authority seems to come from how open

you are willing to show your sexuality. At the Pride festival in particular, public gay figures

opened up about their sexuality and expressed themselves very liberally. I recognized lack of

censorship being a way of showing how liberal one is and therefore how comfortable they are

with themselves, “Happy f***king pride! I’m Mister Molly Mormon.” This public speaker from

the Pride festival alludes to his upbringing in the Christian community, and how he now was

much more comfortable now as a man who had come out of the closet. His language and

feminine pitch promotes his acceptance of himself as a gay man, which is a power in the
community; the audience, already understanding the context of ‘Mormonism’ and its’ church’s

strong (typically anti-gay) influence in the area, immediately understand that he grew up in

difficult opposition and see his plight. If a man knows that his pitch is a dead give-away to

setting off a ‘gaydar’ or gay radar, he doesn’t mind letting it sound as high as it can. The same

principle of pitch goes for women, oppositely.

Kinship and Descent

Upon interviewing Lauren, I made some observations about the basics in a family

relationship for inside the community. There was a sense of camaraderie among herself and the

other cousins her age. Antics that she shared in her favorite memories with them often included

seemingly rebellious material such as experimenting with illicit drugs and underage drinking

while on vacations. The memories she shared about her parents were typically more

‘appropriate.’ This kind of relationship closeness depending on what generation you fall into on

a kinship diagram might be a commonality in other communities.

For the male members of the LGBTQ community, however a strain in filial relationships

was shared among them. Two male members interviewed shared that they didn’t feel ‘close’

with their fathers or other ‘father figures’ in their lives.

Marriage

What does marriage mean in the LGBTQ community? This is one of the most interesting

pillar subjects in the ‘gay society’ because it is a fight that the community is still fighting the

outside society with. For the most part ‘gay marriage’ is pretty much the same in the community,

although it appears that the preparations are typically low-key in comparison to that of a

‘traditional’ marriage in the straight community. “Most of them were together for decades and
couldn’t get married because it was illegal,” says a source within the community. “A lot of the

time, they get married because ‘we’re practically married already!’ Otherwise, it’s just . . . one of

them decides to ask.” The typical big proposal isn’t as popular in the gay community.

Once married, there is a next step which the gay community isn’t apparently as keen to

taking as other communities [insert data from online web journal about gay couples being less

likely to express desire in having children]. A nuclear family is unique in the gay community. A

gay couple can raise a family of their own, but only via new reproductive technologies or

adoption. Neolocal residence is a common standard for gay couples because usually they were

cohabitating before they were married, anyway.

A source claimed that a lot of domestic life of a gay couple is very much like that of a

straight couple’s. “They still call each other like ‘honey’ or whatever.” One thing that struck me

was something he mentioned “I guess open marriages are way more common and somewhat

accepted. That’s different.” In a community where acceptance is key, values that aren’t

traditional are allowed to be. Monogamous relationships are more common in my community,

while group marriages are not. Jem’s claim is valid. According to Hank and Wetzel (2018),

“Marriage-like partnerships and cohabitation were shown to be less frequent in gay and lesbian

couples than in heterosexual partnerships” (pg. 4). Marriages in the LGBTQ community also

lack traditional expectations to have children. “. . . childless G&Ls are less likely to express

desire for parenthood than their heterosexual peers” (Hank and Wetzel, pg. 7).

Other than these basic differences, one of the biggest commonalities of marriage between

both my culture and the LGBTQ community includes choosing your spouse. Marrying for ‘love’

and not being arranged into it by parents or others.

Gender

The idea of ‘gender’ in the LGBTQ community is a very changeable, organic, subject.

For the gay community ‘gender fluidity’ is fundamental. If the community were binary, it

wouldn’t coincide with ‘acceptance,’ and ‘freedom,’ which are fundamentals of the society. All

the colors of the rainbow, which the members of the community support, symbolize the different

sexual identities that are to be supported within the community.

In this case, gender roles are much more loose in the community. In a place where two

men can be together, who’s to say who does the ‘manly’ job? Or the ‘woman’s job? However,

according to one informant, Howard, “You will normally see, and I’m not saying this is the case

with everyone, but you will see that almost in every couple there is a more masculine person and

a feminine.” This being said, what we can conclude is that in most gay couples there is almost

still a sense of traditional balance between two sides of a masculine-feminine relationship.

In my community, gender roles are so very strong and definitive, there is even an article

written in my church where the roles of ‘men’ and ‘women’ are expressed. Failure to meet these

guidelines results in basically uprooting the society and putting a strain in the progression of

traditions.

The Arts

Members of the LGBTQ community are generally more liberal and are therefore usually

more willing to be outlandish in their appearance and dress. Since the community is so vast and

universal, members come from all walks of life. Differing professions and backgrounds give

them way to wear whatever suits their lifestyle. During festivals such as the pride festival,

however, this freedom to express is taken to a higher level. Howard, as a newer member to the
community said, “You will see a lot of people being ‘liberated’ at the pride festival. There’s a

saying, you know about ‘free the nipple’ and it’s just like ‘dang, just calm down!’”

At the festival, rainbow-themed everything is prevalent as the symbol of the LGBTQ

community is the rainbow. In addition to minimal clothing, walking around in bras and

underpants, and pasties, people are dying hair color in extreme fashion, wearing rainbow

makeup, rainbow body-paint, full on flags and capes and costumes. The drag queen is a

particular look that male members of the gay community sport, this includes extreme makeup

and flamboyant female costumes and wigs. Usually drag is accompanied with a sense of acting

and dramatism, which is a sort of performance art. These drag queens are present at the festival.

Outside of the pride festival, most guidelines and practices are very ‘normal’. However,

gay men generally stereotyped to have better sense in fashion and more creative expression than

straight men. This idea is what shows such as ‘Queer Eye’, and ‘Gay of Thrones’ are modeled

after.
Politics

There is a sort of social control in the sense the ideas projected that the more fluid you are

and expressive you are with your sexuality, the more acceptance within the community you will

get. Ironically, this doesn’t quite reciprocate in my community. It seems the more out there and

expressive you are --especially in regards to your sexuality is frowned upon.

[Insert of statistics and other data that show how men in the gay community are

misrepresented and that the paradigm in the community usually consists of favoring young,

white males]. It seems that there is a social caste that almost transcends all other communities

and societies, including the gay community. Whether it be on dating sites, misrepresentation in
the media, or simple better

treatment, there seems to

still be a special power

that comes from being a

young, white male

--particularly a good-looking

one. During Pride parades or

other general media coverage

of gay-centered

events, there seems to be an

imbalance in representation.

The general outcome of such

attitudes include seeing

more the gay community

having a caste system

within itself and therefore

social movements

throughout its members.

Jem sent a photo with an

example of such in the

media.
 The original tweet is a message to the gay community, claiming that the standards for

short men are generally unfair and too high. The second tweet calls out to the effect that the

white men in the gay community are ‘fishing’ to victimize themselves within the community

when there are considerably more unfair standards towards the racially black men.

Phrases such as ‘gay is the new black’ dangerously imply that gays and blacks are from

two social groups and exclude racial minorities from the LGBTQ community. According to

Keisling (2017), “. . . ​gay and lesbian activists configure queer liberalism as a political project in

the present while consigning racism as a political project of the past.… In other words, queer

liberalism functions not in opposition to but with the logic of colorblindness that deems the racial

project historically ‘complete’” (pg. 6).

Conclusion

The experience I was able to have writing this ethnography was very enlightening. The

methods I would have liked to use more often were the interviews, not only did I discover that I

got what I wanted to know most, but people are more open to sharing about normalcies in their

life when you make them aware that there is someone to listen to them. Also I wish that I could

have taken surveys, unfortunately there wasn’t an organization where I felt comfortable passing

around survey sheets, especially when my topic would always be related to sexual orientation. I

just feel we could have looked at the community and isolated its demographics more instead of

relying on different accounts all the time. Next time I would also use more media-related tools. I

recognized that I was so afraid of looking like I was gawking at people or making myself a

spectacle by being so obvious that I was observing people them that pretty much all my pictures

were sneaked. Media-speaking, I also wish I had found a better geographical location that could
be used as a reference map. I wish I could understand the significant places of the gay

community because as I have discovered, they are simply a community hiding out in the open, so

to say.

I was completely unaware of the social classism within the gay community. I was under

the impression that the LGBTQ community was a flawless example of equality and justice but

there is always room for progression in every society. Coming from an ethnic background, I had

ethnocentrically assumed that I understood what was needed to understood on grounds of unfair

treatment of minorities but I learned that there are unfair standards within the gay community, as

well as social pressures. As a woman, as well I thought that the standards of beauty were unfair

for people like me, until I found out that all kinds of oppression seem to overlap with one another

in this community. I had ideas about what working relationships meant. I had an idea about what

a nuclear family looks like and what the progression of long-term couples were like but I was

corrected when I learned just what gay marriages were like and what the norms were. Not

everybody wants to settle down, get hitched and have twins.

I learned especially through forms of artistic expression via way of dress or performance

art that the gay community is very open and can get to a point of being very out there and

flamboyant. I also learned that this is usually a case of a select few and at particular moments in

time and at particular places, and that there are still members of the community who are also on

the journey of ‘getting used to’ the sense of openness and freedom that accompanies being a

member of the community.

I learned that the LGBTQ community is one of the most complex, universal

communities, with multiple levels of development. I was under the impression that the
community was an army of people who worked together like troops who had one common cause

and had the same points of view and personal influences as one another. I learned that the gay

community is multi-faceted, it has a large, diversified population of people who are trying just as

much to understand themselves as much as the members outside the community.

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Bullying: Exploring the Material-Discursive Intra-Actions of Skirts, Hair, Sluts, and

Poofs.” ​Confero: Essays on Education, Philosophy and Politics​, vol. 3, no. 2, 2015, pp.

80–119., doi:10.3384/confero.2001-4562.150626.

Kiesling, Elena. “The Missing Colors of the Rainbow: Black Queer Resistance.”

European Journal of American Studies,​ vol. 11, no. 3, 2017, doi:10.4000/ejas.11830.

Hank, Karsten, and Martin Wetzel. “Same-Sex Relationship Experiences and Expectations

Regarding Partnership and Parenthood.” ​Demographic Research,​ vol. 39, 2018, pp.

701–718., doi:10.4054/demres.2018.39.25.