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The Ethics of the Pastor/Member

Relationship
Luke A. Szklarz
The subject of ethics between a pastor and his congregation seemed to be a rather narrow

category to me, until I took Dr. Corle’s class entitled, “Christian Ethics.” A whole new world was

unveiled to me as I saw that a man’s ethics affect every area of his life. The fact is, the so-called

small daily decisions reveal a man’s good ethics or the lack thereof. As Dr. Corle said during one

of the lectures, “We wonder why God will not bless fundamentalism. The simple reason is we are

a bunch of crooks.” God will not bless fundamentalism as long as we at-large decide to try to

accomplish God’s Will in an unethical manner. It is absolute sin and rebellion against God to be

unethical.

The purpose for this paper is to present the ethics that are so desperately needed today in the

relationship between the pastor and his church members. In other words, I will seek to present the

ethics of the pastor/member relationship in such a way that the practical application is clearly

manifested. No work of God will rise without a man of God who is willing to lead. On the other

hand, no work of God will be maintained without followers, who have yielded themselves to the

will of God, as it is made known from the word of God, through the man of God.

Proverbs 11:1 states, “A false balance is abomination to the LORD: but a just weight is his

delight.” Satan find evil pleasure in us putting all the weight on one subject while forgetting about

the other. As it has been said, “ Truth out of balance leads to heresy.” God desires for us to be

balanced Christians. He wants us to look at life from His balanced perspective. Far too frequently,

leaders focus on the faults of the followers and followers focus on the faults of the leader. In this

synopsis, it is my desire to give a balanced view, presenting both the leader’s and the followers’

responsibilities.

The first matter every human being must settle within himself is motive. We must ask

ourselves, “for whose glory the deed is done?” If a church member is only going to church for his

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own personal glory, then when he’s humiliated he will immediately respond with bitterness or

retaliation. Far too often, people go to church for the praise of men, rather than the glory of God.

If your motive is wrong, it will affect what you do, how you do it, and how long you do it

On the other hand, if a pastor is leading for his own glory, he will trample the people to meet

his desired end. A pastor must continually ask himself, “Who am I pastoring for, my glory or

God’s glory?” There is something that will occur when a pastor is driven by ambition and self-

glorification. He will abuse and misuse the flock God has entrusted him to Shepherd in order to

reach his goals. But God’s desire is for both pastor and church member to be conformed into the

image of Christ as they each strive for God-given goals with God’s glory being the driving force

behind every action. As it so clearly states in 1 Corinthians 10:31, “Whether therefore ye eat, or

drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.” A pastor’s motive will determine whether

he is ethical or unethical with his people.

A pastor must also realize that he is not immune to the warning in Proverbs 29:25, “The fear

of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.” If he is not careful,

he will allow what his fellow preachers think to determine how he interacts with his followers.

The Bible warns of this pitfall in 2 Corinthians 10:12, “For we dare not make ourselves of the

number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring

themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” A pastor

must remember that it is not his job to impress another pastor, but rather to allow God to build the

church members through him. A pastor must realize that every congregation grows at a different

rate of speed and although the end objective should be the same for every pastor, God is more

concerned with the church member’s direction than He is with his perfection. The question

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therefore is, “Am I keeping them going for the glory of God or mine?” Oh, that every pastor would

lead because he loves God and his congregation.

Conflict in any relationship is almost inescapable. The relationship between church members

and their pastor is no exception. Disagreements in and of themselves are not wrong, but rather

how they are handled will determine whether God is glorified, or His name is blasphemed.

In order for a pastor to deal with problems properly, he must practice clemency. Clemency is

when one allows each side to present their piece without interruption. Far too often, a pastor will

be tempted to make the mistake found in Proverbs 18:17, “He that is first in his own cause seemeth

just; but his neighbour cometh and searcheth him.” Often, the one who brings the problem to the

pastor is the key to the solution. Whether it be blindful ignorance or just sheer pride, the person

will often leave out key information which will give a balanced view to the conflict. A pastor must

deliberately talk to both sides seeking to discover the root of the disagreement. It is of the utmost

importance for the man of God to not be quick to make a judgment and be guilty of Proverbs

18:13, “He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” How

every pastor must be yielded to the Holy Spirit in order to make sound Biblical decisions in solving

church conflicts.

But the congregation must also show moderation in dealing with conflicts. Far too often church

members are interested in exercising all of their legal rights. They don’t want to do anything extra,

but they want everyone else to go the extra mile for them. In doing this, the Lord’s name is

blasphemed among the world because they fail to follow John 13:35, “By this shall all men know

that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” Sadly, the lost world has much difficulty

looking beyond the discord of so-called Christians to see the true love of God. The gospel is

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enveloped with a dark veil because of the carnality of Christians who fail to die to self and practice

moderation.

Inevitably, a church member will have a conflict with the pastor. God has given us one of the

clearest sections of Scripture regarding this topic in 1 Timothy chapter 5. First we see the phrase,

“rebuke not an elder, but entreat him as a father;”. When a church member has a problem with his

pastor, he is to humbly intreat him as a son would who has a conflict with is father. There is to be

an honor and respect for the pastor. We must remember the example of Daniel in the Old

Testament. He did not arrogantly declare his conviction. Far too often, we destroy our arguments

because of our attitude. Daniel humbly requested that his master try an experiment with them for

a season. Every church member would do well when bringing a problem before the pastor to also

bring with him several unselfish solutions to the problem.

Furthermore, we see in verse 19 that if there is an accusation against an elder it is to be

rejected unless there are at least two or three witnesses. A witness is someone who actually saw

the incident in question take place, not just someone who heard about it. God placed this here

because He knows our tendency to falsely accuse. Sadly, our carnal flesh finds evil pleasure in

tearing down those around us. Thus, God enacted this protection for an elder. But on the other

hand, verse 20 states that if an elder is indeed found guilty of sin, he is to be rebuked before all.

God always holds leaders to a higher standard than their followers. A pastor is setting a standard

of conduct for his entire congregation to follow. God takes his example very seriously.

One of the key areas that bring conflict into the relationship between any pastor and his

congregation is finances. When it comes to loving money more than God, whether it be the

shepherd or a member of the flock, destruction and evil actions are guaranteed to follow. Paul

warns of this imminent destruction in 1 Timothy 6:10, “ For the love of money is the root of all

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evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves

through with many sorrows.” Sadly, some pastors almost live in poverty due to their

congregation’s negligence in providing for them. This is a terrible breach of ethics, for 1 Timothy

5:17 states, “Let the elders that rule well be counted worthy of double honour, especially they who

labour in the word and doctrine.” If the elders that rule well are worthy of double honor, then what

should a normal pastor’s income be? They should, at the very least, receive the average income

of the members of their congregation. It is terrible to think of how many pastors were forced to

resign their pastoring due to a stingy congregation. They cannot provide for their family and their

children become embittered to the ministry. A pastor is worthy of his hire and the ethical thing to

do is to provide for him in a way which will glorify God.

But it is just as tragic to watch the results of a pastor misusing the funds that the congregation

has entrusted him with. Every lasting relationship is built on the foundation of mutual trust. Few

things destroy trust as fast as the mishandling of funds. The pastor must remember what the

members of their congregation have done when they give. They have worked hard all week and

then they place that money, which they gave part of their life earning, in the offering plate. They

are trusting the pastor and others to use those funds in a way which would glorify God.

Misappropriation of funds has sent many a man to jail. A pastor must remember that he is only a

steward of God’s money and not the master of it. In 1 Timothy chapter 6, right after Paul warned

Timothy of the destructive results of the love of money, he then goes on to state the following,

“But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love,

patience, meekness. Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, whereunto thou art also

called, and hast professed a good profession before many witnesses.” As in every area of life, God

is instructing the pastor to not only flee from evil, but also to follow after godliness, faith, love,

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patience, and weakness. In order for a pastor to remain ethical when it comes to finances, he must

choose to set his affection on things above, so that he does not become distracted by the fleshly

uses of finances. For a man who has set his affections on the precious gold of knowing his Savior,

will seldom be distracted by the worthless wood, hay, and stubble pleasures of this world.

An additional area in which church congregations are unethical toward their pastor is

respecting personal property rights. Most church members would never want someone to barge

into their house, invading their family’s personal space, but they see no problem walking into the

pastor’s parsonage unannounced. Every person needs a haven, a place where they can get away

from others and be alone with God. Many church members do not realize that if they are constantly

intruding on their pastor’s personal time, they are ignorantly destroying his family. This is an area

which clearly the pastor will have to be straight forward with the members regarding. For, if the

pastor has no family, he has lost his number one ministry.

While it is very important how a message is listened to, the spirit in which it is given is equally

important. Far too often preachers will hold to one extreme or another in preaching. A preacher

will present a truth without God’s love and compassion, while on the other hand, another preacher

will be led by emotions and the fear of man therefore he will not preach the truth. But Proverbs

16:6 is clear, “By mercy and truth iniquity is purged: and by the fear of the LORD men depart

from evil.” As we stated before, our God is a God of balance.

What is the result of a pastor being unbalanced in the aforementioned area? If he preaches the

truth without mercy, he will offend rather than allowing the Holy Spirit to convict the congregation

of their sin. A pastor will actually tempt his congregation to rebel rather than to submit to the Lord.

This is because he is grossly misrepresenting God. You see, one of the reasons God hates sin is

because He loves the sinner. If the congregation does not understand that the reason why God tells

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them to do something is because it is actually best for them, they will be forever wandering and

second-guessing His motives as Adam and Eve did. But, on the opposite spectrum, if the pastor

only preaches an emotional prosperity gospel, he will leave the congregation empty, rotting in the

destructiveness of sin. As Dr. Corle said, “Mercy must be harnessed with truth or it will become

liberalism.” Again the only way to represent God properly is to preach with the balance of mercy

and truth.

When it comes to the congregation, far too often they are doing things to the praise of the

pastor, rather than to the praise of God. They forget Colossians 3:23-24 which instructs us as to

what our motive should be for what we do. “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord,

and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye

serve the Lord Christ.” We are to do every good thing as if the Lord told us to do it. Many members

become offended because the pastor does not give them their supposed due credit. As a result,

they become bitter and destroy their Christian lives. Selfishness in any area of life always leads to

division. Sadly no church member is immune. The only cure is for them to constantly remind

themselves that they are doing this for God. He deserves all the praise. They must say, “This is

my reasonable service, considering all that Christ has done for me.”

However, pastors must be aware that their people do need encouragement in righteousness.

Not only will this build a strong relationship between the pastor and his congregation, but it will

also remind him of the fact that without God and others, very little would be accomplished. It is

ethical to give praise and encouragement to those who have chosen to leave the world’s way for

God’s. If the pastor does not give them acceptance, the devil may use circumstances to tempt and

deceive them in going back to the world for acceptance.

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A preacher that has zeal, but no Holy Spirit guidance is a dangerous thing. His tongue will get

him in much trouble. As Dr. Corle said, “If you try to be the Holy Spirit, you will end up being

the unholy spirit.” Pity the pastor who seeks to bring conviction and repentance upon his people

without the power of the Holy Spirit. This reminds me of the contrast of John the Baptist who had

men begging him to tell them what they should do to prove their repentance. All of this was the

result of John the Baptist walking in the Spirit. He deliberately chose to yield himself to the Holy

Spirit in order that his words could go from having a finite effect to an infinite effect upon his

hearers. A pastor must not be looking for short-term results. His desire should be for a genuine

change so that what was said of Jesus, how He waxed strong in spirit, may be true of the pastor’s

parishioners. Oh, that every pastor would be ethical enough to fully surrender himself to the Lord

so that He could have God’s power flowing through him.

One mechanism that Satan most often uses to destroy a church is gossip among the members.

As Proverbs 18:21 states, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall

eat the fruit thereof.” How easily despairing the thought of this verse is when we think of how

many churches have crumbled because of their members refusing to bridle their tongues. If we

would only follow Matthew 18 and other passages which tell us plainly to bring our difficulty

straight to the person with which we are having conflict, then eternity would only tell how many

churches would be established, strengthened and settled as a result. When we perceive something

to be true, we still ask ourselves, “Will it help or damage others by saying it?” One of the of the

items on God’s hate list is sowing discord among brethren (see Proverbs 6:16-19). God hates us

doing this because instead of restoring a fallen brother, as it says in Galatians 6:1, we shoot him.

We must remember that each time a story is retold; it has small variations until it is no longer the

same story. Pastors and church members alike must constantly be on guard, not allowing

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themselves to tell all that they know about others. Sadly, some people will seek to use one of the

enemy’s snares for your soul, to flatter and draw out gossip from you. But we must, for our entire

lifetime, be training our tongue, living out Proverbs 16:23, “The heart of the wise teacheth his

mouth, and addeth learning to his lips.” This is a lifelong battle, but as the hymn writer shared,

“Each victory will help you some other to win.”

Pastors must also guard themselves, being ever mindful of members who will be all too ready

to bring them an evil report about someone. As is declared in Proverbs 25:23, “The north wind

driveth away rain: so doth an angry countenance a backbiting tongue”, he must sternly rebuke the

one which is seeking to use the pastor’s ear as a garbage can. God does not want me to engage in

backbiting, nor does he want me to listen to it. The pastor must remember that the true test of

loyalty is whose goodness the member proclaims. Proverbs 20:6 says, “Most men will proclaim

every one his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find?” If a member is constantly telling

stories in which he is the hero crushing the forces of evil, an alarm should go up in the pastor’s

mind: “This man is proclaiming his own goodness! He is an unfaithful man.”

The demand for a pastor to be led by the Spirit of God, in order that he has the wisdom to make

sound decisions covers every spectrum of his work. One key area is that of enlisting volunteers

for various church ministries. A pastor can be tempted to get any volunteers he can, but a pastor

must realize that some people will take on more than they can handle. Husbands and wives alike

will end up shipwrecking their families as a result of excessive volunteering for various ministries.

In so doing, they will be guilty of neglecting their greatest ministry, the home. The pastor must

remember that he is working with people, not tools. He should seek to build the people’s

relationship with God, rather than just focusing on producing a certain product. In order for a

pastor to be ethical in this, he must be a man whose vision is from God.

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A pastor, as is true of every leader, must be willing to take the blame for the faults of his

followers. Most people enjoy authority, but they don’t want the responsibility that goes along with

it. The more authority the pastor assumes, the more blame he must be willing to take. It is unethical

for anyone to be a blame shifter. Excuses are for losers. As Dr. Corle said, “An excuse is an

evasion of responsibility.” Oh, that every pastor would take responsibility for problems and then

seek God’s face to find creative solutions.

A key area in which a pastor will be tempted is pride. God will begin to magnify him in the

sight of the people. God does this so that the pastor may lead the people in a way which will bring

God glory. But sadly, many pastors forget to apply the truth that was stated so well by Dr. S. M.

Davis, “Praise is like chewing gum, it may taste good, but be careful not to swallow it.” Whenever

possible, when receiving credit for an achievement, the pastor must pass the praise to God and

others. Just as every day the pastor must shave his face, even so he must daily shave off any

deceitful pride that has begun to grow in him.

Church members can do much helping their pastor to remain humble by not becoming

worshippers. They must always keep in remembrance that that their pastor is a sinner as well who

faces many temptations each day. Therefore they should pray a wall of protection around him.

It is also helpful for members to share with their pastor those things the Lord has convicted

them. In doing this, the pastor is given a fresh perspective of God’s working in the members.

Additionally, if the member is sincerely walking with the Lord, God will use him to convict the

pastor of his own need to abide in Christ.

In summary, the relationship between the congregation and the pastor is meant to be mutually

encouraging. However, for the most part, unethical decisions, whether it is made by one party or

the other, are made based on selfishness. Therefore, the key to making an ethical decision is to

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think of God and others before yourself. If the congregation and pastor would purpose to do this,

only eternity would tell how much more would be accomplished for the glory of God.

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