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High Value Beliefs

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Table of Contents
Introduction …………………………………………………………………………………………………….. 3
Belief #1: I am the Priz …………………………….……………………………………………….……… 4
High Value Belief #2: Women Want Sex ……………………………………………………….…….. 6
High Value Belief #3: I’m Willing to Walk Away…………………………………………………… 7
High Value Belief #4: My Value is DeLined But What I Bring to the Moment She Is
Experiencing ……………………………………………………………………………………………………. 9
High Value Belief #5: I Am Unapologetically Me…………………………………………….…. 12
High Value Belief #6: I am 100% Responsible for Making it Happen ………………… 13
High Value Belief #7: She Just Doesn’t Know Me Yet ……………………………………..…. 14
High Value Belief #8: Chemistry Happens Fast ………………………………………………… 16
High Value Belief #9: I Explain Myself to No One ……………………………………….…….. 17
High Value Belief #10: My Past Doesn’t Equal My Future …………………………….…… 18
High Value Belief #11: I Don’t Need to Show Her I’m a Good Boyfriend Before
Dating Her ………………..……………………………………………………………………………….…… 19
High Value Belief #12: I Don’t Apologize for My Desire As a Man …………………..….. 20
High Value Belief #13: I Embrace Sexual Tension ………………………………………..…… 22
High Value Belief #14: Fun is More Important Than Funny ……………………….……… 24
High Value Belief #15: I Play to Win ………………………………………………………….…….. 25
High Value Belief #16: I’m Willing to Break Rapport ……………………………….…..…… 26
High Value Belief #17: There is Always a Winning Formula …………………….…..…… 27
High Value Belief #18: If I Wouldn’t Do it for My Friend, I Won’t Do it For a
Woman …………………………………………………………………………………………………….…….. 30
High Value Belief #19: Its OK to Upset or Disappoint a Woman ………………………… 31
High Value Belief #20: I am Comfortable with Uncertainty ………………………….…… 33
High Value Belief #21: I Refuse to Accept Crappy Behavior ……………………………… 34


High Value Beliefs


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!
Hi. I'm Bobby Rio and welcome to the High Value Belief Installation. Now, this
is a special audio program where I'm going to identify 21 low value beliefs that
you might be held back by and I'm going to provide the 21 high value beliefs to
replace them with.

You see, for the past 11 years, I've been coaching guys, I had over a thousand
clients that I've worked with individually and I've had over a hundred
thousand guys go through my online training and I've used that experience to
identify and pinpoint these limiting beliefs that a large majority of men,
especially men that identify as nice guys are being held back by.

Now, my goal of this audio is to keep it really simple. This isn't going to be a
long online training class. I have plenty of those if you want more of the tools
and the techniques and the theory.

This is going to be simple. I want this to be something that you can listen to in
the car on your way to a party or on your way to a social event or on the way
to a date and I want you to listen to it to remind you of the beliefs that will
empower you, that will provide a high value mindset so you make decisions
that are going to lead to behaviors and attitudes that project this value, this
status, this charisma.

Now, I'm going to warn you, just listening to this one time is not going to be
enough. I've dealt with clients now for years and I've seen it over and over
how even the guys that understand this logically, they fall back into their old
limiting low value beliefs if they are not constantly reinforcing them.

I mean, I've seen it over and over. Even guys that really seem to know what
their doing, the minute they meet a girl that they really like, it's like their old,
low-status self rises back up and takes over their body and makes them do all
kinds of mistakes that they know better, but they're still making them. The
reason is because you have to listen to this over and over and really ingrain it
in your subconscious mind.

Like I said, I'm going to keep this very simple. I'm going to tell you the low
value belief. I'm going to explain how it's limiting you and I'm going to provide
you the high value belief to replace it with.

Now, some explanations will be long and some will be short. Now, if I think
you need examples, I'll provide them. If you need instructions, I'll provide it.

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But, if it's self-explanatory, I'll move forward quicker. The more times you
listen to this, the more it will become a permanent part of you.

Let's get right into it with the Lirst belief.

Belief #1: I am the Prize


The Lirst low value belief is that women hold the power. When you have this
belief, every action you take stems from that belief.

On the other hand, if you come from the belief of I am the prize, every action
you take, everything you say comes from that belief.

See, if you say to a woman, I'm hungry, come over to my house and we'll head
over to the barnyard for a burger and some beers. Wear something cute and
summery.

See most guys would never have the balls to say something like that when
they're setting up a Lirst or second date because they believe that she is the
prize, right?

They are afraid that they might offend her or they might seem too dominant or
they'll think maybe she doesn't like hamburgers, and most guys would handle
the conversation completely different. They would say, "Hey, what are you
doing? Oh, are you hungry? What do you feel like eating? Do you like burgers?
I was thinking burgers and beers. Is that okay? Cool? Are you sure it's cool?
What time should I pick you up?"

Now, the very Lirst second after that conversation ends, the man has just
handed over a large portion of his power to the woman on a silver platter and
he's never going to get it back.

A lot of guys on the surface say they understand that women want a man who
takes charge, who is conLident, who leads, but when it comes down to it,
they're just too scared to act in this manner and that fear comes from the
deep-seated belief that the woman holds the power.

But here's what you need to understand, a lot of guys, they look around a bar
or a club and they see the majority of the women with men fawning over them.

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A lot of times, even the overweight or ugly women seem to have their pick of
guys and as a guy, we begin to believe that women hold all the power, but that
isn't the case.

The real power is held by the small fraction of men at the very top who
actually give women what they want. These guys understand that by holding
on to their natural born masculine power, women will always play the role of
pursuer.

Women are looking to take that power but once you give it to them, you
suddenly go from pursued to the pursuer and the woman holds the power.

You'll notice this when you display the slightest bit of power to a woman. She
will immediately test you and you might have heard me talk about shit test.

Well, when you display power, she's going to test you. Sometimes, she does it
by making a comment. Other times she actually test you by getting touchy or
Llirty just to see how eager you become, to see if you can stand your ground,
maintain your control and this is a point when a woman realizes that she is
dealing with a man and not an eager little boy.

How do you give away your power? How do you maintain this mindset of I am
the prize?

Well, a lot of times you have to notice if you're treating her like the prize or
you're treating yourself like the prize.

If you're treating her like the prize, you give away your power within seconds,
simply through the act of showing fear or hesitation before approaching her.

If you're the prize, then you shouldn't have that fear or hesitation. If you're
stuck in your own head going back and forth trying to gather up enough
courage to talk to a woman, you're treating her like the prize.

If you call a woman to setup a date but then wait for her to give you the okay
before taking the lead to set it up, you're giving her the power.

If you're with a woman and you sense that it's the appropriate moment to kiss
her but you don't, you're treating her like the prize.

If you're driving her around, paying for everything, always calling and putting
up with her Llaky behavior, you're treating her like the prize.
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You want to begin treating yourself like the prize. One of the easiest ways to do
that is to know exactly what you want, to be the judger instead of the judged.

Part of what I want you to start thinking about is what type of woman do you
want? What standard does she have to live up to, because a lot of times, from a
low value mindset is I have to live up to her standards and I want you right
now to switch your mindset to, she has to live up to my standards.

That's the mindset number one, you are the prize and she needs to live up to
your standards, not you needing to live up to her standards.

High Value Belief #2: Women Want Sex


All right, high value belief number two is women want sex. Women love sex.
Women enjoy sex. I can tell you that almost every girl that I wound up dating
has probably wanted to have sex more than I have and I can tell you that most
of my friends experienced the same thing when they start dating a woman.

You realize how eager and adventurous and horny most women actually are,
but the low value mindset that a lot of guys, especially nice guys carry around
with them is that they have to earn sex, that sex is a reward for them. They
think that they're doing … They're getting the favor, that when a woman sleeps
with them, they're getting something over on her.

Here's the thing, you're not getting anything over on a woman by sleeping with
her. You're providing her enjoyment. When a woman gets dressed up to go out
on a date with you and she puts on her sexiest outLit and she puts on her
lipstick and her makeup and she shaves her legs, when she is driving to that
date, in her mind the best possible way that date could end, is with you guys
naked in her bed or your bed and having a good time.

That's the ideal scenario. It's the ideal scenario for you and it's the ideal
scenario for her because women enjoy sex.

I've had female friends. I can tell you that when I had a lot of really close
female friends, I can just tell you how much they think about sex and how
disappointed they are when a guy doesn't go for it, when they go out with a
guy that they liked and at the end of the night he tries to be like, "Hey, I'm not
even kissing her because he thinks it is being respectful."

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But here's the thing, you're not being respectful. You're showing a woman that
either you're telling her, "Hey, I'm not really attracted to you. I'm not going to
make a move," or you're saying, "I'm too inexperienced or I'm too scared to go
after what I want." Neither which is a high value attitude, a high value
behavior.

You really need to get it into your head that women want sex. Women enjoy
sex. Women look forward to a guy who has the ability to make it happen and if
you ever wondered, if you ever looked around and wondered why some guy
that's in your social scene continually has women who sleep with him and
they know he has this bad reputation of sleeping with a lot of girls, yet these
women sleep with him.

The reason they sleep with him is because he can make it happen. They know
that if they hang out with him, they're going to get laid at the end of the night,
whereas they look at the nice guy and they know that chances are at the end of
the night, he's going to like kiss them on the cheek and say I'll call you soon.

That is mindset number two, is women like sex and trying to sleep with a girl
is not doing you a bad thing. You're not doing a bad thing. You don't have to
earn sex from a woman. She wants it as much as you do.

High Value Belief #3: I’m Willing to Walk


Away
The next low value mindset is the fact that this one woman is the only woman
for me and I'm not going to walk away.

The high value mindset is there is an abundance of women and I'm willing to
walk away. I've seen this. As a coach now for 11 years, I can tell you that guys
have a very low value habit of chasing a loss, of putting up with very, very rude
behavior from women because they fear that if they standup for themselves,
they'll scare her away.

I am coaching a guy right now who is in the friend zone with a woman and this
woman completely takes advantage of his friendship.

She is only available when it's like good for her. If he asked her to do
something, she waits to the very last minute to see if she has nothing better to
do before she says yes.
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It's a completely one-sided friendship where he is in love with her. She realizes
it and she basically uses him for validation whenever she wants, whenever it's
on her terms. I've coached him and I've told him, "We have a game plan for
getting out of the friend zone, it's called the scrambler and it works." I told
him, "This is what you need to do. You need to follow this game plan." One part
of the game plan is pushing back on her and canceling plans on her and kind of
giving her a little dose of her own medicine.

For two weeks, I coached him and for two weeks he kept telling me, "But if I do
that, she's going to get mad at me and then I probably can't hang out with her.
She won't want to hang out with me or if I cancel plans on her, who knows the
next time that I'm going to see her."

I told my student that, "If you're not willing to walk away, if you're not willing
to lose a girl, you're never going to have her." It's pure and simple. If you're not
willing to walk away, if you're unwilling to risk losing a girl, you will never fully
have her and if you think about it, women do this to us all the time.

They cancel plans. They're Llaky. They display hot and cold behavior to us and
it makes us want them more, not less. Guys you have to get this through your
head, that being willing to walk away is actually a high value trait. When a
woman sees that you're not going to put up with shitty behavior, it actually
makes you more high value.

The other concept though is this idea of chasing the loss and I call like kind of
chasing unicorns or chasing a loss and it's a term that I got from gamblers.
When a gambler is at a table and he's winning at one point and now he keeps
losing, instead of walking away from the table, he keeps digging himself
deeper and deeper and deeper and guys tend to do this all the time with a
woman.

They have an initial great reaction with a woman. She seems to like him and
then if things go bad or she loses interest and the guy doesn't get the point,
and instead of saying it's over, he continually chases a loss.

He keeps trying to get her back. He keeps thinking about her and analyzing her
and he hires me to try to come up with some strategy to get her back and what
we should be doing is dusting himself off, moving on and going after another
woman because there is abundance of women out there.

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There's not just one woman. You don't have a soul mate. There are so many
women out there. Actually, I was talking to my friend, Christian recently and
he kind of made a good point.

He said, "When you meet a woman and you really, really like her and it goes
really well but then it doesn't work out, instead of getting upset about it, your
mindset should be like, see there is a woman out there," because I can tell you
every time that I've been one woman and it ended and I thought, "Oh, I'm
never going to meet another woman like her." I can tell you, I always met
somebody better than her.

Don't look at it like, "Oh, she's the only one like that." Look at it like she is a
representation of the type of girl that I want and now that I know that she's
out there, I can continue going after other ones.

You've got to think about it. Like I said, I call it chasing unicorns because what
happens is, a lot of the times, it's imaginary. It's in the guy's mind.

In his mind, there was something there. There was like this connection, this
relationship but to the girl, he was just some guy that she talked to at a party
one night and she might have given him her number but she's moved on.

She is not even thinking about him anymore. It's this imaginary thing in a
guy's mind and he's sort of chasing this unicorn, this idea that doesn't exist.

Ideally what he needs to do is cut the loss and walk away. When that becomes
your belief system, like if it is not working out, I am going to cut the loss and
walk away, you naturally become more attractive.

Women pick up on this. But if a woman meets you and she notices that you're
going to get clingy and needy because you're scared of losing her, you will
never hold the power in any of your relationships. The willingness to walk
away is a new high value mindset that you must instill in yourself.

High Value Belief #4: My Value is DeIined


But What I Bring to the Moment She Is
Experiencing

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All right, here's another mindset and a low value mindset, a low value belief
and a low value belief is that I have nothing to offer a woman. That's the low
value belief.

You see, I was at happy hour recently with a friend of mine. I don't want to use
his real name. Let's just call him Ed and Ed sees a girl and he thinks that she is
looking at him. She's cute. She's got red hair. She's got creamy white skin. She's
got that slinky body that any guy would like. But, Ed's been out of the game for
a bit and it's been a while since he's been laid and now his conLidence is pretty
low, which I understand.

We've all been there, that feeling of why even bother, that feeling of
hopelessness, that lack of motivation and I lived with it for a long time and I
don't miss it. I felt for him.

Now, Ed had to go to the bathroom and he walks past the slinky red head to
get to the bathroom and on the way there, she sticks out her leg which she sort
of kind of blocks him. She started to block him from walking by and that's
Llirting 101, right? She was inviting him to talk to her, but Ed kept walking.

You know, he must have to go to the bathroom really bad or he didn't


recognize, I don't know, but he comes back and he sits down next to me and I
said, "Yo man, that girl completely wanted to talk to you. She stuck her legs out
to get your attention," and he says, "I know," and I go, "You know? Like, what
the hell? If you knew, you can't think of anything to say?" He goes, "No. I
thought, what's the point? You know, let's say I start talking to her, then what?
A hot girl like her, she's not going to be interested in me. I've got nothing to
offer her."

What Ed said to me is what a lot of guys secretly think. They think … Even if
they don't admit it, they think it to themselves, it's a belief that they have and
that belief is why would a hot girl want me?

Then they go through their minds and they think, "I'm not rich. I'm not good
looking. I'm not popular or I'm not … I haven't traveled or done really cool
stuff and I've never been with a woman that hot. There must be a reason."

Well, I'm going to tell you something and this might be one of the most
important beliefs that you will ever instill in your mind so pay attention.

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Your value in the eyes of a woman doesn't come down to how much money
you make or how handsome you are or how big your dick is or how big your
bank account is.

I can tell you, there's a lot of rich, good looking, big dick guys that will agree
with me who are completely lonely.

Just look around a strip club and a lot of rich, good looking guys are handing
out $100 bills just to get a girl to give them affection. This is because value is
based on something entirely different.

This is what I want you to replace the mindset of why would she want me.
Your new belief is your value is deLined by what you bring into the moment
she is experiencing. Let that sink in. It's hugely, hugely important. Your value is
deLined by what you bring into the moment she is experiencing.

If a woman is experiencing fun around you, you have brought in value to her. If
a woman is experiencing horniness around you, if she is feeling sexual around
you, sexual excitement around you, you have brought in value to her
experience.

If you have a connection with the woman, if you're talking to her and she just
feels a really strong connection to you, you have brought in value to her
experience.

If you want to provide value and you need to provide value, it's a value trade,
dating is a value trade. Social interactions are a value trade. You can't go into a
social interaction and say, "I want to get everything from the woman and not
give anything." But you have to understand what you have to give is not gifts.
It's not money. It's none of that stuff.

The three things that you can bring to an experience that will always trump
anything else is, how much fun is she having around you, how much emotional
connection does she feel around you, and how sexually excited can you make
her.

If you can do those three things, you have value in that situation. I want you to
totally eliminate this idea of I have nothing to offer because I'm not Lill in the
blank and replace it with the value I have to offer is what I can bring to her
current experience.

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High Value Belief #5: I Am
Unapologetically Me
The next high value belief that I want to instill in you is, I am comfortable
being unapologetically me, okay?

The low value belief that that replaces is this belief that there are things about
ourselves which we have to hide, which are unattractive and we all
subconsciously do that.

We know in our minds what we think is cool. When we go out and we're
talking to an attractive woman or we're talking to friends that we perceive to
be high status, we only want to project our good qualities and what we believe
is cool about us. Maybe we only talk about the vacations we've took in or we
only talk about, if we like a variety of different styles of music, we only talk
about the style that we think the other person likes as well.

Here is what you need to understand. The most charismatic people are the
people that are unapologetically themselves. I used to work in a restaurant
and I worked with this guy Nick. The nicest way to say it is we called him
"handsome Nick" ironically because he was probably, he looked like Steve
Buscemi with long scraggly hair and even worsely crooked teeth. Everybody
called him handsome Nick, but here's the fact about handsome Nick.
Handsome Nick got laid regularly. He was invited to parties. People loved him.

Handsome Nick was not a typically cool guy. He doesn't check the boxes of cool
guy. He loved Dungeons and Dragons, he loved really loud heavy metal. He
would walk around singing these songs and talking about his Dungeons and
Dragons. I know a lot of people would think I'm exaggerating with Dungeons
and Dragons and stuff like that, but he literally talked about Dungeons and
Dragons but he was so unapologetic about it. He was never embarrassed about
it.

See, too many of us, when we like something, we're embarrassed by it and we
try to hide it. An example might be, I really like cheesy 80s pop songs and I
used to think that I couldn't talk about that. If I was in a bar and Jessie's Girl
came on I just didn't bring it up; but then I realized that this is what I like,
embrace it, Llaunt it. It got to the point where if Jessie's Girl was on, I would
ask the DJ to turn it up or I would request it. Everything became who I am and
projecting that unapologetically.
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You cannot be embarrassed about anything about yourself because once you
add embarrassment to it, it brings it to a low status quality. If you don't have
embarrassment about it, it's not a low status quality, it's just how it is.

If you're broke and you're embarrassed about being broke, it becomes a low
status quality. If you're trying to hide it and pretend you're not, people would
pick up on that and it will become a low value quality. On the other hand, if
you jokingly talk about the cobwebs in your bank account and you're just
laughing about it and talking about how it doesn't matter and whatever, it
becomes a high value quality.

The important thing to remember is you put a value on your interests, your
likes, your traits by the level of embarrassment you feel. If you feel shame or
embarrassment about something about yourself, it becomes a low value trait;
but if you're unapologetically you, if you like corny shit and you just Llaunt it, it
no longer is low value. It transforms into high value. The high value mindset,
the high value belief that I want to instill is "I am unapologetically me."

High Value Belief #6: I am 100%


Responsible for Making it Happen
Here's the next low value trait, low value belief and high value belief. The high
value belief is "I am 100% responsible for making it happen." I am 100%
responsible for making it happen.

A lot of guys walk around believing that something is going to fall in their lap,
that a woman is going to suddenly display some level of interest to them and
that gives them the okay to make the move, that some employer is going to
walk around and offer them the job that's going to change your life. In the real
world, guys that have a lot of value and a lot of status have the belief of "if it's
going to happen, I am going to make it happen."

When you go out to a party, the belief that you need to have is "I'm responsible
for making it happen." If I want to approach a woman, it's not my friend's
responsibility to introduce me to her, it's not my wingman's responsibility to
start the conversation. I am 100% responsible for making it happen.

Now, this mentality of "I am 100% responsible for making it happen"


transforms to any different scenario. I remember for a long time I thought I
can't Lind a girlfriend because I have no time. Well, bullshit. If there is one
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thing that we're all in the same plain Lield with, it's time. If a guy is busy and
has much on his plate as presidents of major, major … CEOs of companies can
go on dates, I Lind it hard to believe that you can't.

Another person might have the thought of "I was born with a slow
metabolism, there's no way I can lose a weight." Again, bullshit. I've seen far
too many people shed massive amount of weight after being years of fat by
simply going on a low carb or ketogenic diet that you don't have that excuse.

Now in the dating world a lot of that is, and I see this with my students where
a guy will go out on a date with a girl and we'll be coaching him. He'll go out on
a date and then the next time I talk to him I'll say, "How did it go?" and he say,
"Well, the date was awesome, man. We had such a connection. We talked all
night. She was touching my leg and everything was going good." I said, "Well,
did you kiss her?" He'll say, "Ahh …" I go, "Did you kiss her?" and he starts,
bababa … "Did you kiss her?" I go, "That's all I need to know. Did you kiss her
at the end?" "No, I didn't. The moment wasn't right and she …" I go, "You're
responsible for making it happen. The moment will never be right. If you want
to kiss a woman on a date, it's your responsibility to move her to a place where
you can kiss her." It's your responsibility to make it happen. Things will not fall
in your lap.

I used to be guilty of this especially when it came to things like kissing a girl on
a date where I would wait for her to give me the signal without really
understanding that it's my responsibility to make it happen. You need to instill
that in your mind. You are 100% responsible for making it happen. That is a
high value belief.

High Value Belief #7: She Just Doesn’t


Know Me Yet
All right, so the next high value belief, I'd like to refer to it "she just doesn't
know me yet." You can call it attraction isn’t black or white. I remember my
friend Rob Judge, he had an old partner in his dating advice company that I've
met years ago. His name was Zach. I remember watching Zach one night. He
was completely just talking to some girls and they were rolling their eyes and
they were rejecting him, worse than I've ever seen anybody rejected.

Now, Zach had a lot of skills so I wasn't like … I knew he had game. He was
staying there and I'm thinking to myself, "Why doesn't he eject? Why doesn't
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he leave?" Later on he came over and we we're like, "Zach, they were rolling
their eyes." He was like … He just looks, he goes, "Pffft." They just don't know
Zach yet." I think in a lot of ways that is a very, very high value belief of "she
just doesn't know me yet."

The big idea that I want to get across in this mindset, this belief, is that
attraction is not black or white. There is a grey zone when it comes to
attraction. Too many guys think that a woman has made up her opinion about
you one way or the other; either I like this guy or I don't like this guy, I'm
attracted to this guy or I'm not attracted to this guy.

In reality, attraction is a continuously sliding scale. From one day to the next,
from one moment to the next you could lose attraction or you can gain
attraction. It also goes for the Lirst couple of minutes you're talking to a girl. A
lot of guys, especially nice guys, were so scared of rejection that we want
instant attraction. We want it to be so that the minute we open our mouth,
she's going to be attracted to us, but you've got to be comfortable with this
idea that attraction is not black or white.

You can walk up to a woman, start talking to her and her Lirst impression of
you could be that you seem like a tool, that she doesn't like the shoes you're
wearing and you got food on your face and whatever, that you seem like an
idiot; but within Live minutes you can completely reverse that slide into your
favor. You can take that sliding scale of attraction and you can move it into
your favor because attraction is not black or white.

You have the opportunity in every interaction to move the scale from her
maybe being neutral to you, or even being unattracted to you, or even being
repulsed by you into a more favorable zone. It also means that just because a
woman was attracted to you last week you can relax and say, "Oh, she'll always
be attracted to me" because it continually changes, you continually can move it
one way or the other.

The mindset that I want you to have when you start talking to a woman is "she
just doesn't know me yet." If she rejects you, the mindset is "she didn't give me
enough chance to get to know me." You can't take it personally. Like I said,
Zach has some of the best game I've ever seen and I watched as these girls
were just totally rejecting him. He walked away completely full of conLidence
because in his mind he said "she just doesn't know Zach yet." That's the
attitude and that's the belief that you need to instill in your mind, "she just
doesn't know," insert your name, "yet."
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High Value Belief #8: Chemistry Happens
Fast
Okay, so the next high value belief that I want to instill in you is chemistry
happens fast. What does this mean? It means that women expect things to
happen quickly when there's chemistry. They expect to get swept off their feet.

A lot of guys make the mistake of thinking they need to be respectful, they
need to wait to make their move; but what happens is they go on a date with
her and instead of going for the kiss that Lirst night, instead of bringing her
home and sleeping with her, which a lot of times is what women want, the guy
says, "You know what, I'm going to wait until next time" partially because he's
scared or he doesn't know how to make the move. What's happening is that in
the woman's mind she leaves the date not going, "Wow, that was so
gentlemanly of him not to make a move;" she leaves the date thinking that
there must not have been any chemistry.

Women expect things to happen fast. They want to wake up in the morning
after a night out with you, of having sex with you and go, "Wow, I don't even
know what happened, it just happened." That's what they want to tell your
friends, it just happened. "We went back to his place and we made love. It just
happened."

This is why guys make the mistake of not going for it, of putting it off, of trying
to be respectful is the belief that it needs to happen slow. They believe if the
woman really likes them, if the woman is girlfriend potential, it needs to
happen slow and that's why this idea, women taking it slow, can actually
backLire. It's a low value belief.

What you want to take away from this is women want it to happen fast. If
you're with a woman and the date is going good, don't hold yourself back
because that's actually going to hurt you. Let it happen. Let it happen at an
accelerated speed because that's what she expects.

When you're talking to a woman over the phone or you get a woman's phone
number, she thinks that if there is chemistry you're going to have gone out
already. The more it takes, the longer it takes to get her out on a date, the more
texting back and forth you guys do, the less chance there will ever be that you
will get her out because she says in her mind, "Well, I met this guy two weeks
ago and I haven't taken him out yet, I haven't gone out with him yet, we
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haven't even met in person. It must not be that good of a meet up." You always
want things to happen fast. That is the belief. Things happen fast when there's
chemistry.

High Value Belief #9: I Explain Myself to


No One
The next high value belief that I want to instill is the idea that I don't need to
explain myself to anyone. A lot of guys have this low value belief that they
always have to give a reason to a woman. Everything they do, they need to
explain it. A lot of these stems from our childhood because as a child you're
constantly explaining yourself to your mother or your father. When they said
why didn't you do your homework, you explain yourself; if they say why did
you get a bad grade in school, you explain yourself; if they say why did uncle
blah, blah, blah say that you were acting bad today, you explain yourself. You
get really good at making excuses for yourself and explaining yourself.

The problem is that the woman you're dating is not your mother, she's not
your father. You don't have to explain yourself to her. I'm not saying that you
never explain yourself to the woman you're married to, or your wife or
anything like that but when you're just meeting a woman, you don't need to
constantly explain yourself.

I see this happen with guys that I'm coaching because a lot of times guys will
send me their text message exchanges and they ask me to critique their texts.
I'll see that the guy will have cancelled the date and the woman will write back
with a sad face or something. All of a sudden the guy writes two paragraphs
explaining, "Well, I really would have like to hang out but I have this job and I
can't miss this meeting at work …"

The minute you start explaining yourself, your value lowers in the other
person's eyes because you only explain yourself to people that you believe are
higher value than you. You explain yourself to your parents because they have
authority over you, you explain yourself to your teachers at school because
they have authority over you but you don't need to explain yourself to a
woman that you are dating. She has no authority over you.

If you can't hang out, you don't have to come up with a long paragraph of why
you can't hang out and why you wish you could see her. You mess up
sometimes, right? We all mess up. I've had guys that have made a joke that
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didn't go over well and then they wind up sending two paragraph texts
explaining that they're sorry about the joke. Here's the thing, the joke she
would have gotten over it but the minute you explain yourself, you lose value.

It's similar to what I mentioned in the other belief, being unapologetic about
the things that you like. Well, the minute you become embarrassed about
something that you like, you lose value. Well, the minute you explained
something you did, you lose value. The high status, high value belief is "I don't
explain myself to anyone."

High Value Belief #10: My Past Doesn’t


Equal My Future
Okay, so the next belief that I want to cover is the belief that my past does not
equal my future. This one is something you may have heard before. It's
something that a lot of personal development gurus preach but it's something
that is a very low value belief that holds a lot of guys back. It is the belief that I
can't change. Because I was unpopular in high school, I'm going to be
unpopular in college; or because my last girlfriend broke up with me after she
got to know me, that my next girlfriend will break up with me after she gets to
know me; or because I went out Live nights this week and I didn't approach
anybody, I was too shy and I sat in a corner, that the next time I go out I will be
too shy and sit in the corner.

The high value belief is your past does not equal your future. I can tell you this
with 100% certainty because as I've mentioned several times, I've been
coaching dating advice now for 11 years. I've worked with a lot of guys, some
guys who thought they were completely helpless, guys who came to me.

One guy recently, 39 years old, was a virgin and in his mind he said, "If I went
39 years without being able to sleep with a woman, what can I possibly do?
I've tried everything, it's not going to work." Well, six months after we started
working together, he met a woman who is now his girlfriend and they
obviously slept together. The reason that happened is because your past does
not equal your future and you cannot put too much importance on your past.
Every day is a completely new day.

I tell my students all the time, "You know what, in your past you didn't have
me helping you. You didn't have a role model. You didn't have a guide. Well
now you do, and the minute you do, it changes."
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I know that … The same thing with overweight people, "Well, I always gain the
weight back." I can tell you what, I used to always gain the weight back too that
I lost until I learned the low carb diet plan. I realized that if I don't eat carbs or
if I eat very low carbs I don't ever gain the weight back, and I just never eat
carbs anymore because I know that that's how I maintain my weight. Well, 10
years ago I didn't know that. Well, now I have a piece of information that
changes my future. That's the way you need to look at it, is my past does not
equal my future.

High Value Belief #11: I Don’t Need to


Show Her I’m a Good Boyfriend Before
Dating Her
The next high value belief is that I don't need to be a good boyfriend before I'm
dating her. I don't need to be a good boyfriend before I'm dating her. This is the
idea that good boyfriends don't get laid. What I mean by that is too many guys
make the mistake of meeting a woman and immediately trying to show her
that they would become a good boyfriend. They do things like Lind
commonalities or focus on showing that they have a good job, that they like to
travel.

All these boyfriend traits like respecting her a lot, being too generous towards
her, paying her too much attention, now these aren't necessarily bad things if
you've been dating her for a while. If she's your wife or your long term
girlfriend you got to do these things; but when you're just meeting a woman,
these things don't cause physical attraction. They actually hurt you because
now the girl goes into good girl mode and it's very hard to get Llirtatious, it's
very hard to get sexual in this mode.

The general theme is that when you're meeting a woman for the Lirst time, you
don't want to go out of your way to show her that you would make a good
boyfriend. Instead, you want to simply focus on being fun, being sexual, being
adventurous, being the guy she can't Ligure out.

The low value belief that you need to get rid of is that if I like a girl, I need to
demonstrate that I would make a good boyfriend. The high value belief is I
need to demonstrate that I am a fun, sexual guy that she can enjoy her time
with, not that I'm a good boyfriend. That's the least thing that should be on

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your mind when you're getting to know a girl, is demonstrating that you
would make a good boyfriend.

High Value Belief #12: I Don’t Apologize


for My Desire As a Man
Okay, so the next high value belief that I want to instill in you is I don't
apologize for my desire as a man. Most guys have the belief that being
attracted to women, wanting to have sex with women is somehow wrong. As
my buddy Rob Judge calls it … He's a big proponent of what he calls the
shameless approach. The shameless approach places absolutely no value on
the words spoken, the interest conveyed, or even the approach taken. You put
all your stock in the simple fact that you are shameless. By shameless, I mean
that you are congruent with the fact that you're a man, that you have a mature
attitude towards women and sex and that you're awesome and in turn radiate
the conLidence that those three principles imply

So many guys try to hide or apologize for the desires as men which ironically
is the sexiest asset men possess. Whether it's because they feel they aren't
good looking enough, cool enough or they don't have enough experience, they
buy into the myth that they have no right to shamelessly express themselves to
a woman so they hide behind a musculated façade of indifference. What I
mean by that is that they think that by showing that they're not into a woman,
that it's actually more of a turn on but in the end, women want you to notice
them as a man. The easiest way that I can demonstrate this is with an example.

Here was a conversation that happened recently. A girl was talking and she
goes blah, blah, blah, blah, "Why do you keep looking at my boobs?" The guy
goes "Look at them? Honey, I'm staring at them." The girl goes, "That's rude."
The guy, "Rude? It's rude not to look at those things." The girl, "Well, uhmm …"
The guy, "Look sweetie, I'm just being honest here. I think you have great
boobs, fantastic as a matter of fact." "Well, thanks. Wow. It's refreshing to meet
a guy who's honest." "Honest? I'm shameless."

See, shamelessness is not apologizing for your desire as a man. Now, this is not
an excuse to gawk at women, to stare inappropriately at women but a lot of
times guys feel they have to hide their desires. They go out with a woman, she
looks sexy and they're afraid to tell her that you look really sexy, and then they

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wonder they got stuck in the friend zone. You need to shamelessly go after
what you want, you need to shamelessly express your desire.

The high value belief is I don't apologize for my desires as a man. Another
example of this and this is also something, a move that my buddy Rob Judge
used to do all the time and still does is he'll meet a new girl and he'll be talking
to her for a few minutes. As she's talking, he'll just lean in and kiss her, right on
the lips. Just a quick peck. A lot of times the girl will stop talking and she'll go,
"What was that?" She gets Llustered, and he'll go, "Oh no, Linish what you're
saying. You look really cute and I had to do that." He just let it out there.

It's a great move on a lot of different reasons; one, because it builds a lot of
tension in the conversation, and we're going to talk about tension in a few
minutes. It's a great move overall but what's really great about it is you saying,
"I wanted to kiss you so I did, and I don't apologize for it." That's really the
attitude. That's the belief you need to have, is I don't apologize for my desire as
a man.

Now, building off of this idea of shamelessness in your desire for a woman is
this idea of I am not afraid to be audacious. A lot of guys, they play really small,
they hide in a lot of ways. They hide and they wait for other people to take the
initiative to be bold. Audacity is another word for boldness.

If you've ever been in a social situation where maybe it's a few coworkers, you
and a few coworkers that you don't really know well, you all go out for dinner
one night and the conversation starts off very dry, very boring. Then one
person in the group takes the initiative to be a little bold and brings up
something gossipy, or he makes an off color joke, or he does something, and
then all of a sudden, if you notice, everybody else automatically goes "Oh, okay,
okay. It's okay to be that way. Oh, I don't have to be this PG guy. I can loosen
up."

You want to be the person that other people feel loosened up around. You
don't want to wait for them to get cheeky; you want to be the one who gets
cheeky. The big idea is the idea of displaying impudence or audacity. What
exactly is this idea of displaying impudence or audacity? It's being a little bit
bold. It's displaying a lack of modesty. It's all about having a slight disregard
for the social norms and these sorts of remarks. They work because they catch
a woman off guard. They snap her out of her boredom trance and they get her
paying attention to you.

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Another word for it is being a little cheeky, not knowing your place, being a
little mysterious, displaying too much familiarity too soon. Maybe you're
talking to a woman and you say, "You know you looked totally hotter with
blonde hair." That's too much familiarity too soon and you may think it's going
to hurt you but on the other hand it creates a little excitement in the
conversation. You want to be R rated rather than PG rated. That's what you
really want to do. You want to always make sure you're early on in the
conversation. You display some sort of boldness, some sort of audacity, even a
little shamelessness.

Have the nerve to call things out. If a woman is being boring say, "You can be
more interesting than that." If a woman is talking too much about her … is
telling you her problems, you say, "Hey, I'm going to have to charge you for
therapy lessons if you keep telling me your problems. I don't remember going
to school to be a psychiatrist here." Bring attention to things that normally
might get left unsaid. This is the idea, that's idea of audacity and boldness and
impudence. You do it earlier, the better.

A high status belief is I'm going to be the one who does it. The low status belief
is I'm going to wait for somebody else to let me know it's okay to do it because
a lot of us, we can be that way but we want other people to be that way Lirst.
Then we're like, "Oh well, this person made that joke," or "She's kind of being
sexual so I can be sexual." You want to take that bold step. That's high value.

High Value Belief #13: I Embrace Sexual


Tension
Okay, so the next high value belief is I embrace sexual tension. This belief
needs to replace this belief that sexual tension is scary and it's something to be
diffused. Too many guys, especially low status nice guys, the minute there's
any sort of tension in a conversation especially sexual tension, they try to
diffuse it with a joke. They try to get rid of it because they're uncomfortable
with it.

If you've even been walking and you see an attractive woman and you make
eye contact with her, all of a sudden you get that little spark of electricity, of
tension. A lot of guys immediately turn away because they can't handle the
tension, but the high value belief is that you need to embrace tension.

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See, I used to believe that it either exists with a woman or it doesn't, like it was
some mythical process. Then a few years back, I realized that I was completely
wrong about this way of thinking. The fact is, in nature everything happens for
a reason. It rains when there's too much moisture. Certain things have to
happen to get that right amount of moisture. Same with electricity.

I was reading a biography of Ben Franklin the other night and I was reading
about his process of discovering how to harness electricity and it got me
thinking about sexual tension. See, I'd like to think of sexual tension as this
underlying electricity that exists whenever a man and a woman are together.

Now, I have a friend, Chris Anderson, he also coaches with me and he's the guy
that really taught this to me. Ever since he explained it to me I've noticed it
with every woman I have come in close proximity to. It always exists.

If you're sitting on a couch with a fat girl and someone else comes along and
sits on the couch forcing the fat girl to slide closer to you, you'll feel a small
spark of that electricity even if you're not attracted to her. Even if you're not
physically attracted to her, just the mere proximity of female, being around
one, lets out some of that electricity. Any time a man and a woman are put
close together that electricity can be felt by both of you.

What do most people, especially low status nice guys do when they feel a
spark of electricity? They're scared of that shock. They pull their hand away.
Sometimes it's your fault as you're the one who's scared, sometimes it's the
woman's fault that she gets scared of the tension. This is why you must have a
form of lubrication. Sometimes enough alcohol does the trick, and that's why a
lot of times people who normally wouldn't be attracted to each other wind up
in bed is because alcohol is the lubrication that allows you to take advantage
of sexual tension.

Other strategies are things like teasing, and Llirting, and humor, and
storytelling. All of these allow you to feel that electricity without being freaked
out by it. It's like when you get in the elevator with a really hot girl and you
just stand there silent. The electricity creeps you out, right?

Have you ever been in a situation where you're listening to some woman tell a
story and things are slowing down and it's becoming abundantly clear that
there's chemistry being felt by the both of you and you bask in it? You let it
happen. That's the mindset you have to have, is I have to embrace it.

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Maybe you've been with a woman and you're both laughing, you're giggling,
you're hitting each other and slowly moving closer together. Next thing you
know, you're leaning in to kiss her. This is sexual tension and this is social
lubrication at work. It's how hookups happen. It's also how you Linally get out
of the friend zone but it's all about embracing it. It's not feeling awkward
around it. You have to really understand that and you have to get that belief in
your mind. A high status belief is I embrace tension, especially sexual tension. I
embrace it. I don't run from it.

Rob and I have almost described it as a game of chicken a lot of times where if
you're looking … you and a woman lock eyes, who's going to look away Lirst?
Well, you want to be the high status guy, he's not the one who looks away Lirst.
It's almost like you want the woman to be the one to have to turn away, like
you want to embrace tension. That is the high value belief. I embrace tension. I
don't run from it.

High Value Belief #14: Fun is More


Important Than Funny
This next one is a tactical belief but it's a high value belief and this high value
belief is the idea that fun is more important than funny. That's the idea, fun
versus funny. What I mean by fun versus funny is that women want to be with
a fun guy not necessarily a funny guy.

Many guys and this creates a low status environment for them is that they
think that they need to be comediennes when they're around a woman, that
they need to have the gut-busting role on the Lloor, laughing comedienne lines.
But Lirst off, most guys aren't nearly as funny as they think they are. When they
try to be really funny, you come off as try hard or even lame if your jokes aren't
hitting the mark.

Also, women really aren't that funny. I mean women don't need funny. I mean,
it's almost an unattractive quality in a woman if she's like super funny and she
doesn't expect you to be super funny. If you happen to be that way and that's
your natural personality, Line. But if you think in your head a low value belief is
I have to be funny.

You're much better off being the fun guy, the guy who has a silly sense of
humor. He's not too serious. He keeps things in a good mood. He's always light.
He's playful, the sort of humor that I call it like playground humor. You're
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teasing her. You're doing the kind of jokes that little kids would do on a
playground. You're not trying to get up there and be Louis C.K. You're not
trying to be I don't even know another comedienne off the top of my head.

You're not trying to be this like comedienne that's going to get a stand-up
special on HBO. You're not trying to be a groundbreaking comedienne because
comedy is subjective second off. A lot of times, when you're being sarcastic or
you tell some witty joke, she's not even going to get it especially she doesn't
know you that well, she's not going to get it.

You're much better off just making the comments, making funny observations
about people around you, teasing her, bantering a little bit instead of focusing
on trying to be a comedienne. That is the high value belief is that funny is not
as important as fun. Be fun, not funny.

High Value Belief #15: I Play to Win


Okay, the next high value belief is I play to win. You see too many guys have the
belief that stems from I play not to lose. What is playing to win versus what is
playing to lose? What does that mean in the world of dating?

Well, most guys play defense. They're more scared of losing. They're more
scared of rejection. They're more scared of having that awkward moment or
they're more scared of a woman saying no than they are of winning the game.

An example of playing to lose rather than playing to win is if you're having a


good conversation with a woman at a bar, you're Llirting and you want to ask
her to come home with you, a lot of guys don't do it because they are afraid it
might offend her or they're afraid she's going to say no and because they don't
do it, they're actually playing to lose. They're playing defense.

The high status belief is the guy who's playing to win and what I recommend is
instead of always trying to protect yourself from losing, which doesn't really
get you the results you want, start looking at it as, what do I have to do to win
the game?

If your goal is to get her out on a date, well, I have to ask her out. If your goal is
to get her home, you have to ask her to come home with you. If your goal is to
get the kiss, you got to play the win and that means getting physical, stop
playing not to lose.

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Playing not to lose is what gets you in the friend zone because you're having a
good conversation with a girl, you like her and you don't want to ruin that
friendship. You don't make your move because you're afraid of ruining the
friendship. That's playing not to lose.

The high status belief is you need to play to win. Playing to win is taking a little
bit of risk. Now, a Linal way to look at it is imagine yourself as a basketball
player and if you want to win, you've got to take some shots and sometimes
you got to take that three-point shot because that's the shot that's going to
really make the game count.

If you're the quarterback, sometimes you got to throw that Hail Mary pass if
you want to win the game. The guys that are scared to make that shot or the
guys that are scared to make the winning touchdown pass to throw that Hail
Mary pass, they may win sometimes but they're not nearly going to win as
many games.

Quarterbacks like Tom Brady and Brett Favre won a lot of games because they
weren't afraid to lose. That's the mindset you have to have in your social life. I
play to win. I don't play not to lose.

High Value Belief #16: I’m Willing to


Break Rapport
Okay, this next mindset kind of stems from a combination of playing to win
and also a little bit of shamelessness and a little bit of the audacity and that
belief is, it's okay to break rapport. Not only is it okay to break rapport, you
need to break rapport.

What does rapport means for those that might not understand what I mean by
this? Rapport means that you're in a conversation with a woman, you have a
lot in common, you're sharing a lot of back and forth conversation. What
happens is a lot of times, guys start talking to a woman and they get into this
deep conversation about something like traveling or music or a TV show you
both like and it seems to be going well because you have a lot in common but
you're unable to now move that conversation into an actual area where you
can Llirt with her, where you can create attraction because you have almost too
much rapport. She's almost too comfortable with you.

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What this basically means is at certain points, you can't be afraid to break that
rapport. You can't be afraid to suddenly like tell her, "You know what? We've
talked about this too much," or "You know what? Let's change the subject.
We've run this one to the ground," and move it to an area that's more
conducive for creating attraction like teasing her or Llirting with her.

This is especially important at the end of the night. At the end of the night
where you want to go for the kiss or you want to get physical and if you're
engulfed in this kind of serious conversation about your jobs or something like
that, it's really impossible to make that move. You need to break rapport.

Breaking rapport can be something as simple as telling her you want to talk
about something else, like she's in the middle of talking and you say, "You
know what I just noticed about you?" and you sort of break the trance that
she's in.

She can be telling you anything in the world and you say, "You know what I just
noticed about you," and you tell her something totally different. You need to do
something that breaks that back and forth vibe because that vibe, although it's
amazingly to spark chemistry, it's hard to make a move when you have that
intense rapport building conversation.

A high value belief is, it's okay to break that rapport because a lot of guys they
feel like, "Oh my God, if I break this rapport, she's not going to like me
anymore. It's going to ruin everything." But in reality, breaking that rapport is
what needs to happen to move the conversation forward, to move the
interaction forward.

High Value Belief #17: There is Always a


Winning Formula
All right, the next high value belief is there's always a winning formula. I'll
explain what I mean by then in a minute. See, a low value belief is I have to be
original. I have to come up with a completely new and original thing.

A high value belief is the idea of Linding the winning formula. What does it
mean to Lind the winning formula? It means that for everything you want to
accomplish in life, somebody has already Ligured it out. Something works and
when something works, you repeat it.

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But what happens is, too many guys want to be original. Too many guys they
go out there and they try to do it on their own. They got there and they try to
talk to women and they think that they have to be original. They think they
have to do this sort of groundbreaking opening line to attract women. But
there's actually things that work and there's things that work that you can
model that other people are already doing, things like teasing and bantering
and Llirting.

When the nice guy spends his life complaining that the jerk gets all the women
and he focuses on the fact that yes, sometimes the jerk is cheating on her,
sometimes the jerk really is an asshole, and he use it as an excuse. He says,
"Well, woman only like jerks. Women are only attracted to assholes. They like
guys that treat them badly."

But what I noticed when I started studying this 12 - 15 years ago was that the
jerks were doing a lot of things right. They were doing things. They had a
winning formula they used to tease women. I would watch them. Part of what
they did as a nice guy we go, "Oh, man, he's making fun of her." But what I
realized later is that's Llirting. That's teasing.

He's bantering. When he tells a girl like, "You look like that kind of girl who
hangs out at the library after school," that's Llirting. That's teasing. That's a
winning formula.

There's things that work and what you do and what this means is you go out
and you do something. You want to pay attention to what you do that works as
well.

Maybe you tell a story and it gets a woman laughing or you have a joke and
that joke turns a woman on, continue to use it. Nobody's keeping track. In your
head, you might think, "Well, I told that story to another woman the other day."
Well, if it worked for one woman, it's going to work for another woman and
that is a high value belief.

High value guys they do what works. Even if you look at, you're going back to
comediennes, which we talked about. Comediennes go on stage and they tell
the same jokes and when a joke works, they go on a stage in another city and
they tell that jokes. They don't worry that, "Oh, somebody might be at this
show that was at the last show," because if a joke works, a joke works. It's a
winning formula.

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When you want to notice when something is working, don't feel like a low
value belief is I have to be original every time I'm talking to somebody.

A high value belief is I have to stick to a winning formula and if I don't have my
own winning formula, I have to Lind a winning formula. I mean part of my job
as a dating coach is providing winning formulas to my clients.

We wrote a book, Magnetic Messaging, me and Rob Judge and it's full of text
messages and all those text messages are, are winning formulas. I can't tell you
how many of my students copy and paste Rob's text verbatim, switching it a
few things to kind of make it Lit their scenario and then they text me, "Oh my
God. That was amazing." I'm like, "Yeah, of course it was amazing because it
was a winning formula." Why would you try to invent your own text and come
up with your own stuff when there's stuff out there that works?

Now, I'm not saying you have to completely copy somebody. It's not about
copying somebody. It's about copying the formula they use. This is a big
distinction. I'm not saying you take Rob's texts and you use them word for
word but you look at the formula of why they work and you copy that formula
and also create your own formula. Don't feel like you have to reinvent the
wheel every time you go out.

The biggest movies and I use this analogy a lot with dating, the biggest movies,
the movies that make the most money are not the most original movies, those
independent movies that the critics love because they're so original, they don't
really make a lot of money.

The movies that make the most money are the movies that found the winning
formula and they repeat that formula because it works.

Right now in the movie theaters there's constantly a superhero movie out and
the movie is always essentially the same movie with different superheroes and
different bad guys but the movie is essentially the same and the reason that
movie is out and it comes out and it makes hundreds and millions of dollars
every time it comes out it's because it's a winning formula.

What you need to do in dating is to see the tremendous success and Lind the
winning formula that makes you that success and then just repeat that success
over and over again. The high value belief I want you to take from this is Lind
winning formulas. Don't reinvent the wheel.

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High Value Belief #18: If I Wouldn’t Do it
for My Friend, I Won’t Do it For a Woman
The next high value belief is if I wouldn't do it for a friend, I won't do it for a
woman. If I wouldn't do it for my friend, I won't do it for a woman.

Again, I'm not talking about your wife or your serious girlfriend. I'm talking
about a woman that either you have a crush on and you're not even dating or
maybe a woman that you just started dating or maybe a woman you're in a
friend zone with.

I talked about it in another video recently that I was at a barbecue and I was
sitting at a table with a couple of guys and this woman comes over and she
turns to one of the guys and she hands him her cup and she goes, "Can you go
Lill my Sangria up?" She kind of like gives him a little look and kind of shakes
her up to show that it's empty.

I'm watching this and I'm going, "Am I looking at the Sangria punchbowl?" and
I'm going, "They're both just as far from the punchbowl. Why is she asking him
to do it?" I'm like this guy better not. He shouldn't do it. Sure enough though,
he stands up, he takes, he looks at her for like what because this wasn't her
boyfriend. It wasn't a guy she was sleeping with. He might have been like an
acquaintance. They might have been coworkers but that was it.

Sure enough, he walks and he gets her the Sangria and he comes back and he
hands her the cup and in his mind, he thinks he got points from that. He
thinks, "Oh, wow I just showed her that I was willing to get up and get her
Sangria." In her mind, she's like, "This guy has just got no balls. He's just going
to do anything I tell him," and she's never going to feel attraction for that guy.

That's supplication. I've talked about this idea of supplicating is doing things
to get somebody to like you and that's essentially what he did because the
distinction for me is if one of his friends walked over and said, "Hey, can you
Lill up my Sangria?" He would have looked at his friend and go, "What? Fill it
up yourself man." That's how he should have replied to the woman. "What?
You're just as far away from the Sangria cup as I am. Why don't you go Lill it
up?"

Here's the thing, she would've liked him a whole lot more if he acted that way
because that would've been an honest response. Him Lilling up the Sangria was
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dishonest because he wouldn't have done it for his friend and when you
wouldn't do something for your friend but you're willing to do it for a woman,
it's because you think it's going to get you something.

I tell guys that all the time when they're in the friend zone and a woman is like
asking him to come over and move furniture and give her a ride to the airport
super early in the morning, I go, "Hey, if you would do it for your best friend,
then do it for her. But if you wouldn't do it for your best friend, then don't do it
for her. It's not going to get you any points." If you're doing it because you're
just genuinely a good guy, a lot of guys will go, "Well, I'm just a good guy." I go,
"Well, yeah."

I have one student that I was coaching and a woman had gotten a new job.
This was a girl that he had a crush on her but he wasn't going anywhere. She
got a new job. He went out and he brought her a new briefcase like an
expensive new briefcase for her job.

I go, "Steve, what are you doing man? What are you buying her?" He goes, "I'm
a good guy, Bobby. I'm just a good guy, like I'm not doing it because I want
anything from her. I'm doing it because I'm a good guy." I said, "Well, how
many briefcases have you bought for any of your male friends?" He's like,
"None." I go, "Well, then you're not doing it because you're a good guy. If you
were a good guy, you would have bought your friends a briefcase when they
started a new job. You're doing it because you're trying to show her something
and it's fake. You're doing it for a dishonest reason." The mindset, the belief is
if I wouldn't do it for my friend, I'm not going to do it for a woman, a very
simple belief.

High Value Belief #19: Its OK to Upset or


Disappoint a Woman
Here is the next belief that I want you to really ingrain your mind and that is
you can upset a woman. You can upset a woman. It's okay to upset a woman.
It's okay to disappoint a woman. This is a huge, huge, huge mistake nice guys
make is that they think they're so scared of disappointing or upsetting a
woman that they become way too predictable. The woman Ligures them out
way too soon. She knows she has you.

Have you ever heard me talk about the cat and the string? Women are like cats.
If you dangle a string in front of a cat, that cat will chase that piece of string for
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ages but the minute you drop that piece of string in the cat's lap, the cat just
looks at it, gets bored and walks away.

Well, women are the same exact way. When you're afraid to upset a woman,
you become the string in her lap that she is bored by. If you're afraid to
disappoint a woman, you become the string in her lap that she's bored by. A
high value guy is not afraid to upset or disappoint a woman.

In a practical way, I've had students and I've used this example earlier where I
say if you have to cancel on a woman, cancel on her and they go, "Well, she's
going to be so disappointed. She was so looking forward to this." I said, "Well,
disappointment is not a bad thing. Jerks disappoint women all the time. If
disappointment was such a turnoff, women would never be attracted to jerks
because jerks are always disappointing women."

Disappointment is actually ingredient for attraction because when you feel


disappointment, you then get the relief of the next time. The reason a woman
is so attracted to a jerk is because if he disappoints her and then the next time
he shows up for the day and it goes really well, well now, she just got that
validation back. She just got that feeling back.

If you're always giving her positive feelings and I say this in, again, a movie
relation, if a movie was 1 hour long or 2 hours long of good things happening
to the main character, the movie would get boring. You'd be throwing popcorn
at the screen. You were so bored.

Well, that's what it's like to date a good guy, a nice guy for a woman. He's so
afraid of disappointing or upsetting her that the movie becomes boring and
predictable. Don't be afraid to upset women. You come Lirst. If your friends
want to hang out with you and you had plans with a woman, I mean I'm not
saying be a complete like self-centered asshole that like leaves a woman sitting
in a restaurant and you don't show up.

What I'm saying is like if something really good comes up and you're
interested in going to something else, it's okay to call the woman and say, "Hey,
can we reschedule?"

A, it demonstrates what we talked about earlier, demonstrating the


willingness to walk away, it puts you as the prize. I mean a lot of these beliefs
they all kind of blend together. This one is really important to believe is, it's
okay to upset a woman.
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High Value Belief #20: I am Comfortable
with Uncertainty
All right, the next belief is I am comfortable with uncertainty. This is a huge
one and it's the reason why so many nice guys wind up losing women is
because they can't handle uncertainty. They want to lock women down into
relationships so quickly they want to know where they stand with a woman
and by wanting to know where you stand with a woman, you actually push her
away.

See, uncertainty is massively attractive to a woman even if she says she doesn't
want it, uncertainty is actually your friend. When a woman is like not knowing
what's going on, it's kind of like what I talked about. It's like the cat and the
string. It's the string dangling in front of her where she can't Ligure it out. She's
confused. It's getting all her attention but as guys, a low value belief is I need
to show her that this is serious. I need to show her that I'm committed to this
relationship. Within two weeks of really dating a girl, they're already thinking,
how can I make this serious? How can I let her know this is serious? How can I
take it to the next level?

By doing that, you're diffusing all the tension in it. Tension is crucial for
attraction. Once you diffuse that, once you give her that certainty, she usually
disappears. She has nothing to work for anymore. A lot of this is our own
internal beliefs.

We as guys believe that if we don't have that certainty that she's ours, it's bad.
You've got to believe that … You have to come up with the belief that I am
comfortable with that uncertainty. I'm comfortable dating this woman for
months not knowing if she is going to be my girlfriend because a high value
guy, here's the thing, a high value guy is not looking to rush into a relationship
with anybody.

They have so many options that they know that if it doesn't work out with this
one girl, they're going to Lind another one and that one makes that belief so
sexy to a woman, it's because she sees that you have options. The fact that
you're not trying to lock her into a relationship, it shows her that you're a high
value guy.

The high value belief is I am comfortable with uncertainty. The low-value


belief that you're trying to replace is I need to make sure that this is serious. I
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need to … I need certainty with this relationship. You have to get
uncomfortable. You have to get uncertain.

We talked about in the previous belief, you can upset a woman. A lot of
reasons guys are afraid to upset a woman is because it will lead to uncertainty.
Well, if I cancel on her, I might not talk to her again until Monday or Tuesday
and it's Wednesday right now and I usually talk to her on the weekends. If I
cancel on the weekend, I won't see her until next week.

Well, you have to be comfortable with that. High value guys are comfortable
with uncertainty. The belief you need to instill is I am comfortable with
uncertainty.

High Value Belief #21: I Refuse to Accept


Crappy Behavior
The Linal belief that leads to high value behaviors and high value attitudes is
that I refuse to accept crappy behavior. What do these three situations have in
common? You lend the girl money. She tells you she's going to pay you back in
a week but now a month has gone by and neither of you have brought it up
even though you really need the money.

Two, a girl cancels plans for the second time in a row, you tell yourself you're
going to wait until she takes the initiative to invite you to hang out but then
you give in and you send a text asking her to hang out again.

Three, you're on a date with a girl. She's on her phone texting one of her
friends the entire time. Inside, you're pissed and annoyed but you plaster a
smile on your face and act like everything's Line. What do they have in
common?

In all three situations, the man is displaying a lack of personal boundaries. In


essence, he's willing to take shit and swallow it with a smile on his face
because he's afraid to standup for himself, he's afraid he'll lose the girl. Lack of
personal boundaries is one of the core hallmarks of low value behavior. A new
belief that you need to have is I am unwilling to tolerate crappy behavior. I
have personal boundaries.

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Let me be clear too. To explain personal boundaries isn't about using a tactic
to attract a girl. It's about self-respect. It's about integrity. It's about character.
It's about living life on your terms.

The Lirst step to doing that is being honest about what you're not willing to
accept. It could be things like I'm not going to say yes to things I don't want to
do.

I'm not going to call someone who mistreats me or disrespects me. I'm not
going to allow someone to take advantage of my generosity. I'm not going to
give to someone constantly without getting an equal amount in return. Make a
list of the things you won't accept. DeLine them and then communicate them.

You could say something like this to a girl who cancels plans on you or seems
to be stringing you along and never making time to hang out with you. You can
say, "I Lind Llaky girls just frustrating to deal with." I tell you what, ball is in
your court. If you want to hang out, cool. You got my number. Then unless she
contacts you with a Lirm date and time to hang out, you don't reach out to her
again, all right?

Girls might not like it but they will respect it. Now, you may be going, "Well,
what if I don't see her again?" Well, what was rule, what was the belief? What
was the third belief? I am willing to walk away. I am willing to walk away and
that has to be a belief.

All of these beliefs all play into each other because a lot of them stem from that
one belief of I am willing to walk away. I'm willing to walk away because there
is abundance of women.

Those are 21 high value beliefs that I really want to instill in you. I think that
it's crucial that you listen to this several times, drill it into your head. If you
haven't watched my three steps to status master class, I really recommend
watching that because in that, I'm going to talk about the attitudes and
behaviors that you demonstrated. This is the beliefs and I kind of talked a little
bit about some behaviors and some attitudes but in that I'm going to talk
about the steps to go from being a low value guy to a high value, high status
guy.

If you haven't registered for it, it's completely free. There's a link in the
member's area under this to register for that training. We do it a couple of
times a week. It's a very important training but most importantly at the
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moment is to continue listening to this as many times as it takes to drill these
new beliefs, these new high value beliefs into your head.

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