THE DEVIL OF CHRISTMAS

The episode opens with a clapper for a film named The Devil of Christmas. Set in
December 1977, the film follows Julian, his pregnant wife Kathy, his mother Celia
and his son Toby as they are shown into an Austrian Alpine chalet by Klaus. The party
discuss their plans until Toby is struck by an unpleasant painting of the Krampus on
the wall.

In a voiceover, the film's director Dennis Fulcher talks to another man about the
making of the film, in the style of an audio commentary. The video is rewound so
Dennis can comment on a continuity error. He continues to discuss the film over the
remainder of the episode, including commenting on the way that "Celia" misses her
marks and fluffs her lines, and the way "Julian" says his lines too quickly in his
eagerness to get to another job.

Klaus tells of the Krampus, unnerving Kathy. Before bed, Toby leaves out his boots
for the Krampus, and Kathy empties a bottle of tablets. The next morning, Toby's
boots are filled with switches, indicating—according to Klaus's story—that he has
been visited by the Krampus due to his naughtiness. Celia suspects Kathy, who is not
Toby's mother, but Julian rebukes her. At dinner, Toby tells of the wonderful day he
has had with Klaus. Toby heads to bed, and Kathy speculates that Toby was
sleepwalking the night before, becoming agitated when Julian and Celia are
unconvinced. That night, both Toby and Celia are out of bed, and the figure of the
Krampus is seen. The next day, scratches are found on Toby's body, and Celia leaves
with the child.

That night, Julian finds that Kathy has scratches on her back, and the pair discover
that her boots are stuffed with switches. Julian later finds Kathy downstairs. Celia
calls to say she and Toby are safely home, and Kathy admits that her child is not
Julian's. The Krampus snatches her, and Julian keels over, clutching his heart. He
needs his medication, but Kathy watches him die, holding his empty pill bottle for
him to see. "The Krampus" is revealed to be Klaus in a costume, but Klaus then
removes a fake moustache and drops his accent; he is Simon, Kathy's lover.

Fulcher explains that there is a final scene. The actors ready, and the scene begins:
Kathy is on a bed, and pours Champagne. She is joined by Simon, still half-costumed,
who chains her to the bed. Simon claims to be Krampus, and the scene ends with
Kathy screaming as "Krampus" cackles. The actor playing "Krampus" leaves, with the
actress playing Kathy believing the filming is over. The cameras keep rolling as
plastic is put under "Kathy" by two Stagehands for a scene she did not know about. A
new actor is dressed as the Krampus, and Kathy is roughly gagged by a stagehand.
The new Krampus advances, armed with a machete; the older Dennis explains that
"Kathy" understands, and that we are witnessing genuine fear. The tape cuts just as
the machete is about to fall. Dennis says that he is surprised the tape has surfaced
again, but that it was "one of the better ones"; The Devil of Christmas, unbeknownst
to "Kathy", was a snuff film. Dennis's interviewer terminates the police interrogation.
THE BILL

Anya closes a restaurant where four men—northerners Archie, Malcolm, and Kevin
are entertaining Londoner Craig—have finished a post-badminton meal. After a
misunderstanding between Craig and the thickly accented Anya, Malcolm takes the
bill, but he and Archie both wish to pay. Craig insists that he will pay, as he is leaving,
and wealthier than the others. The three argue, Archie being unable to pay as the card
machine lacks paper. Malcolm suggests that the bill should be split three ways, the
northerners treating Craig, but Kevin claims to be the poorest. Archie, Malcolm, and
Craig thrust cards at Anya until Kevin offers to pay. He counts cash as Anya fetches
drinks. Craig thanks the others for making his trip bearable, and offers to pay,
restarting the argument. The dispute becomes about Malcolm's position as badminton-
club secretary, and Malcolm reveals that Archie has spent time in prison. Anya arrives
with drinks, and Craig, paying the bill, speaks of craving excitement, only to have his
card declined. He phones his au pair for a card, keen she not look in the wrong
drawer, but Malcolm snatches the phone. He is about to pay, but Archie stops him.
Archie reveals that he wanted to pay as he has an inoperable brain tumour.

A distressed Malcolm leaves the table only to return furious; Archie was lying. A
heated debate ensues, and the four men wrestle over the bill until Anya tells them that
the meal can be free. Malcolm insists it is not about the bill, and fetches a knife and
chopping board. Archie and Malcolm are to play stabscotch, with the winner paying.
Malcolm is quick but Archie is slower, repeatedly stabbing himself. Craig pulls the
knife from Archie, inadvertently slashing Anya's throat. She collapses as blood
splatters. Anya is dead, and Malcolm formulates a story blaming Archie, but Archie
has called a prison contact who will remove the body.

The clean-up will cost £200,000; it is needed tonight, in cash, meaning only Craig can
pay. He calls his au pair, but treads on Anya's hand, and she yells. Kevin declares the
plan a failure; Archie, Malcolm, Kevin, and Anya had been hustling Craig. Kevin,
now in control, demands Craig's phone. Craig refuses, but is locked in the restaurant.
In a final scene, a waiter closes the restaurant while the hustlers ("Archie",
"Malcolm", "Kevin", and "Anya") entertain the well-dressed Tim. "Archie" requests
the bill, and "the waiter" is revealed to be Craig, who has joined the hustlers to satiate
his cravings for excitement.
THE RIDDLE OF THE SPHINX

On a stormy night, Nina lets herself in to a University of Cambridge room, where she is found
by Professor Nigel Squires. He is holding a gun, but it is not loaded. Nina's boyfriend Simon
is a fan of cryptic crosswords, but she is never able to help him. She has come to the rooms of
Squires—a classicist who sets crosswords for Varsity as the Sphinx—to seek the answers to
the next day's crossword. Squires sets about to teach Nina: "I teach wild creature without
hospital building" results in ARCHITECTURE, which Simon studies. They turn to the clues
for the next day, beginning to fill a large grid. Squires uses the name of the Sphinx because
she would asphyxiate and consume those who failed to answer her riddle: she was, he says,
"devious and deadly". Squires makes tea, as Nina looks to his trophies. A picture of Squires
with his late wife draws her attention, and they discuss the cut-throat world of competitive
crosswording. Nina has answered DOWNANDOUT and WRAP; Squires answers DESI and
helps with TRENT. Squires asks about Simon, but catches Nina in a lie; her excuse is that she
only wants to learn. Together, they deduce SWAMPLANDS, meaning "bog". Nina, though,
suggests that it should be bogs, otherwise Squires would be cheating. Suddenly spluttering,
Squires takes a seat, as Nina begins on the next clue. She now displays clear proficiency,
answering ASPHYXIATION.

Squires drops his cup, as Nina continues to fill in the crossword, including SOWERBERRY
and KNOWITALL. Squires is apparently paralysed in his chair, watching. Nina is a marine
biologist, and has acquired tetrodotoxin from a pufferfish, which causes paralysis and
asphyxiation. Simon was actually Nina's brother, and is visible on the photo of Squires and
his wife. Simon had reached a crosswording final only to be beaten by Squires after the latter
challenged that a u looked more like a v. Depressed by the defeat, Simon had killed himself.
Squires, to Nina's shock, is unharmed. He leaps up to fill out NEUN and ASPS, revealing the
nina ISWAPPEDCUPS within the crossword. As Nina induces vomiting, Squires makes a
phone call. He had been warned by Dr Jacob Tyler, an old friend and Nina's supervisor.
Squires places Nina—for whom paralysis is setting in—on a chair, and goes back to the
crossword, filling out UNDERSLIP; asking about the underwear young women wear, he
slides his hand up Nina's skirt and kisses her on the mouth.

Nina is left alone until Tyler enters. He tells Charlotte—"Nina"—to hang on, before turning to
the crossword. With Squires, he works out MYSTERYGUEST. Tyler reveals that he has no
antidote for Charlotte, and will not call the emergency services. Instead, he wants Squires to
eat Charlotte, as the Sphinx would. Tyler tells Squires that he cannot call the police, as the
crossword displays premeditation: the KNOWITALL received a MYSTERYGUEST at
number NEUN, resulting in ASPHYXIATION. Tyler reveals PUFFERFISH, predicting, with
reference to crossword answers, that a DOWN AND OUT will find Charlotte wrapped in her
UNDERSLIP in SWAMPLANDS, incriminating Squires. This is, Tyler says, his revenge.

Tyler cuts from Charlotte's buttocks, frying a strip of her flesh on a stove. Squires tells of how
he began an affair with Monica, Tyler's wife and mother of his twin children, destroying
Tyler's career. Tyler hands Squires the flesh; he eats, fearing Charlotte will die. Tyler reveals
that he hates cryptic crosswords, and how his son entered the Cambridge Crossword
Competition, attempting to beat his mother's new husband: Squires. Squires realises that
Charlotte is Tyler's daughter. Charlotte and Tyler sought revenge on Squires, but Tyler
changed plans so Squires would include clues in the crossword. However, Simon's autopsy—
Tyler explains—revealed that Simon and Charlotte were actually Squires's children, meaning
Monica and Squires's relationship began earlier than he previously thought. Charlotte is past
saving, and Tyler places a bullet on Squires's desk, reminding Squires of the principle of
Chekhov's gun. Squires confirms that his middle name is Hector as he weeps over Charlotte,
and Tyler circles something on the crossword. Charlotte is dead, and Squires loads the gun,
placing it in his mouth. Blood splatters over the crossword and a second nina: RIPNHS.
EMPTY ORCHESTRA

Greg, dressed in a sumo-themed fatsuit, enters a karaoke booth and begins singing
The Human League's "Don't You Want Me". Connie, dressed as Amy Winehouse,
arrives; the two kiss, but break apart when Greg's partner Fran (dressed as Britney
Spears) enters. Roger arrives with his assistant Janet; Janet, who is Deaf, is dressed as
Boy George, and Roger puts on a clown's nose when prompted. The group are
celebrating Roger's promotion and, to Greg's alarm, Roger has an envelope with a list
of names. Fran begins singing Whigfield's "Saturday Night" before Duane, dressed as
Michael Jackson, arrives. He has the group play "pills roulette"; each take either
ecstasy, Viagra, ketamine, Paracetamol, a laxative or a Tic Tac. Roger is distracted,
soon leaving for more drinks; Greg is keen to know what he has written, believing
someone is being laid off.

Duane starts Wham!'s "Wham Rap!"; Janet "listens" by placing her hand on the
speaker, until Greg quizzes her on lay-offs. Connie takes Duane's phone to text Janet,
and Roger returns with shots, which he drinks alone. Janet's text from "Duane" asks
her to sing him a song if she likes him. Watched by Janet, Connie tells Greg to make a
choice between her and Fran. Roger starts Rainbow's "Since You Been Gone" and
Greg conspires with Connie and Fran to acquire the envelope. Roger, having danced
with Connie, is aroused, but Duane says that all the pills were Tic Tacs. Greg finally
reaches the envelope, and Fran's name is circled. Roger reveals that the envelope
contains divorce papers; his wife is leaving him. Fran sings "I Know Him So Well"
(Elaine Paige and Barbara Dickson), first to Roger and then Greg. She duets with
Connie, and, hugging Fran, Greg mouths to Connie that Fran is getting sacked.
Connie and Fran, the latter oblivious, sing to each other, as Roger signs his divorce
papers. When the song finishes, Greg sombrely talks to Fran.

Janet sings Yazoo's "Only You" to Duane, who stops the music after Fran whispers to
him. Chastising Connie, Duane says that he does not like Janet "in that way". Roger
steps in; someone has to be made redundant, but it will be him, and he has
recommended that Fran be promoted. A hen do arrives in the booth, and a newcomer,
Chantel, begins "Titanium" (David Guetta and Sia). Watched by Janet, Connie
confronts and kisses Greg; Roger meets eyes with a young woman. Connie mocks
Janet, who reminds the former that she can lip read. Janet whispers to Fran, who
confronts Greg and Connie; UV light reveals Connie's lipstick on Greg's mouth, and
Fran tells them that they are both fired. Fran sings with Chantel, Roger dances with
the young woman, and Greg and Connie argue. Duane and Janet meet eyes, and
Duane places her hand on his chest; she feels his heartbeat as the two kiss.
DIDDLE DIDDLE DUMPLING

Spring

David, a middle class stay-at-home dad, lives with his wife Louise and daughter Sally.
While out jogging, he encounters a single slip-on dress shoe. David keeps an eye on
the shoe, and, by the time Louise arrives home that evening, has moved it to the
dinner table. Louise drops it on the floor, though David's attention remains on it.
Later, in daytime, David chastises Sally for playing with the shoe, and Louise is angry
that he has hung posters advertising his find that feature their phone number.

Summer

The family celebrate Sally's birthday, while the shoe sits under a sofa. Later, Chris, a
family friend, visits. He may have a job for David, but, to Louise's horror, David
begins talking about his "project". Louise has binned the shoe; David is mortified, and
Louise challenges him to not speak about the shoe for two minutes. He fails, and
storms out to search the bin. Louise and Chris share a tender moment, but David does
not notice; he is more concerned with how Chris could help him publicise his search
for the shoe's owner. David's multimedia campaign and reward offer, initially
unsuccessful, ultimately result in a visit from a young man who has a matching shoe.
David interrogates him at length. Once satisfied by his account, and having spent a
final few moments alone with the newly matched pair, he reluctantly hands it over,
holding back tears.

Autumn

Sally and Louise are happy in the kitchen, when David, smartly dressed and with a
confident manner, returns from work. Despite Louise's reservations, Sally performs a
piece she will present in her school assembly, involving the nursery rhyme "Diddle,
Diddle, Dumpling". Despite a pained expression, David applauds, hugging his
daughter.

Winter

Louise encounters the shoe outside her house. Inside, David confronts her about a
photograph he has found—Louise's college friend, Ted, is the man to whom David
gave the shoe. He has also found a receipt for a new set of shoes, bought by Louise
shortly before Ted's visit. David accuses Louise of giving him false hope, and, in
response to her exasperation, says that it was never about the shoe. David is in grief,
having never recovered from the death of Sally's twin brother, Joseph, six years
earlier. Like the shoes, the children were "Two halves ... and one of them's gone",
though he believes that "they should be together". Louise finds blood on David's
hands, but it is not his own. He had driven to Norfolk to retrieve the shoe from Ted,
but does not remember what he has done. The emergency services arrive outside.

On a cabinet is a photograph of a smiling David holding two infants. He is wearing

the shoes. Over the credits, security footage from 15 March 2016 shows David
placing the shoe outside his house before jogging away.
THE PRIVATE SHOW

Neil, a nurse present to assist a visually impaired person, is pushed onto a chair with
blades by an unseen assailant, where he bleeds to death.

Carrie, a fame-obsessed former Big Brother contestant, exits a lift to Fragments, a

retrospective exhibition of the sculptor Elliot Quinn held in an East London basement
gallery. The sarcastic, tattooed Bea serves drinks. Maurice, an academic art critic, the
humourless council health-and-safety worker Kenneth Williams—who has never seen
any of the Carry On films starring his namesake—and the Irish dinner lady Jean
follow. Patricia, a blind author of erotic fiction, is the last to arrive. A projection of
Elliot welcomes the guests, who have been hand-picked to attend.

Carrie and Maurice find Neil's body, but assume it is art. The body falls, to Carrie's
horror, when she pulls Neil's lanyard. Kenneth arrives, followed by Jean and Patricia.
Leaving Maurice with the body, Kenneth and Jean force the lift doors while Patricia
and Carrie talk. Bea is dead in the lift, a telephone receiver in her mouth and the cord
around her neck. The lift is broken, and Kenneth heads off to find a fire escape.
Kenneth and Jean meet Maurice in a corridor, while Carrie and Patricia wait near the
lift. Carrie collapses, having drunk from a Champagne bottle. Kenneth, Jean, and
Maurice find that a gate has been chained from the outside. The three split up. Patricia
finds Carrie's body; she has burns on her face. Stumbling away, Patricia hides in a
cubicle. Neil's murderer enters the toilet, and is revealed to be Jean.

Kenneth finds Carrie's corpse, which is clutching pills. Maurice finds bolt cutters as
Jean hurriedly washes her hands, then screams. Maurice and Kenneth come running,
and Kenneth is first to arrive. Patricia is dead in the cubicle, her eyes missing.
Kenneth, Jean, and Maurice rush to the chained gate. Kenneth suspects Maurice, as
the pills were the latter's heart medication. As Maurice struggles with the chain,
Kenneth knocks him out with the arm of a mannequin. Jean then suffocates Kenneth
with a plastic bag.

Maurice awakens tied to a wheelchair, listening to Elliot's projection. Jean is Elliot's

mother; after Elliot's death, his body parts were donated. The recipients were to be a
"living exhibition", but she believes his body parts were squandered. Neil had eaten
his way into developing diabetes after a new kidney, Bea had tattooed her new skin,
Carrie had drunk after a new liver, Patricia had produced pornography with her new
eyes, Kenneth had smoked with his new lung, and Maurice was a "heartless critic",
even with a new heart. Jean advances with an anaesthetic in a syringe as Maurice
struggles in the chair.

A journalist reports from an art exhibit featuring organs—including a heart—in jars. It

has won the Turner Prize and broken box office records. She turns to interview the
artist credited for the exhibit: Maurice.
ZANZIBAR

BERNIE CLIFTON'S DRESSING ROOM

ONCE REMOVED

TO HAVE AND TO HOLF

AND THE WINNER IS...

TEMPTING FATE

DEAD LINE