ISTP / ISFP

The Mechanic and the Artist

An Introverted Relationship
Introverted relationships tend to be quiet, with far more going on under the
surface than would be apparent to an outside observer. Sometimes this surface
breaks and these relationships can explode into furious times of creative
activity or passion, when the true thoughts, feelings and needs of partners can
express in powerful ways. At rare times this can open a schism which can break
a relationship apart, but normally it results in a cathartic re-establishment of
balance and a return to quietness, achieved through a mutual work of creative
adjustment to each partner’s previously private ideas, emotions or personal
directions. On the whole, introverted relationships tend to be secure and
mutually beneficial where the partners have deep feeling for one another or a
shared interest in outcomes. Because of their natural tendency to keep to
themselves those things which might create friction in their outer life, introverts
of the most diverse character and interests can work well together and easily
form harmonious relationships where a common goal or life direction exists.

ISTP/ISFP Relationship Dynamics

Introverted thinking and introverted feeling can either work together or they
can present their opposed faces to each other. It all depends on the situation and
who they have whispering in their ear. In this case, their seconds are both
extraverted sensation; so in most situations what this function has to say isn’t
going to stir the pot, but more likely will link hands across the divide. In some
respects, the ISTP and the ISFP have similar outlooks and attitudes. Neither
likes to be controlled or manipulated by the security needs of others and both
can be very much independent operators in their own field of life and expertise.
Such things play out in thinking or feeling types in differing ways however.
What the ISTP considers necessary freedoms or important issues may be
irrelevant or merely side issues to the ISFP. With strongly expressed partners
there are going to be some areas of difference here which will retain their
ability to disturb the relationship, even where both are otherwise adapted to
each other’s ways and needs.
Neither of these types of either sex are strongly represented in the population,
but of their small number, there are twice as many ISTP males and conversely,
four times the number of ISFP females. So the most likely cross gender
relationship here will be male ISTP to female ISFP. Same gender relationships
will be rarer, but equally likely in both sexes.

Just as the ISTJ/ISFJ relationship tends to represent collective social needs and
attitudes, the ISTP/ISFP relationship tends to represent those reactionary and
opposing values which compensate and complement such collective attitudes.
What “they” have to say, what “they” think should be done and what “they”
think is right or wrong doesn’t mean a lot to this pair. Indeed, for the ISTP in
particular, any feeling of entrapment within such common values can be a
silently insistent driver of their own need to be separate and disconnected from
all collective judgments.

Both partners here make life assessments based primarily on those things which
affect them directly. What others are doing and what else is “out there” is
mostly irrelevant unless such things impinge directly upon their life in the
moment. What they do, what they believe, and what they think is right is “their
thing” and whether it suits others or slots neatly into the rest of the way the
world works doesn’t concern them very much at all.

As a pair, these two will be private, personal and yet open to others in a way
which makes no initial judgment about their differing lives or attitudes. On the
other hand, while their relationship space, their home and connected attitudes
will seem to have no obvious rules or directing signs, for the unwitting guest
these same spaces can be a minefield of invisible dangers, whose existence is
only discovered by stepping on one of them. This is one area of the ISTP/ISFP
relationship which remains in shadow, as these two partners are normally
unconcerned by, and usually unaware of, the private way they invest their
personal sensitivities in the world around them.

One influence within the shadow land of this relationship lies in the area
normally overseen by intuition. Here, intuitive images, perceptions and ideas
remain somewhat mixed up with those unconscious processes normally
projected into the world beyond the personal self. This turns the world of
intuition into a shadowy realm from which there come many things which seem
to oppose one’s personal outlook. In close relationship, the ISTP/ISFP pair will
reinforce each others attitudes to this area of experience, thereby widening the
gulf between them and any value the world of intuition could bring to them,
even if it were not already seen as a suspect and somewhat treacherous part of
life.
Because of the crossing of strong function thinking vs. feeling here, this
relationship projects no seriously dark or difficult shadow onto the world, as
each partner tends to compensate each other’s inferior function. With its
darkest area influenced only by introverted intuition, the relationship shadow
here will present mostly as a combined aversion to the more immaterial and
mysterious aspects of the world.

The crossover of the introverted strong functions in this relationship means

most of any affects these produce in the partners will be projected onto each
other. At worst, it will not so much be “my feeling” which is suspect, but “your
thinking” and vice versa. This only leads to hopeless situations, where the ISTP
demands a “proper” thinking response from the ISFP, while the ISFP demands
a similarly “proper” feeling response from the ISTP. Since neither are capable
of fulfilling the demands of each other in this regard, a haughty stand off is
often the result, with neither realizing they are trying to connect to their partner
via the most difficult path possible.

Fortunately, in partners with similar secondary functions, an alchemy of

connection is available which not only overcomes such difficulties, but also
leads to an increasingly satisfactory developmental process which we will
discuss below.

Making it Work
While thinking and feeling can present polarized human attitudes toward each
other, in their assessment of perceptions they are not so much opposed as
complementary ways in which to judge the value of a situation. When seen in
this light, both ISTP thinking and ISFP feeling values can align to create a
more valid view, rather than merely sitting back in their own space and
pronouncing their total judgment of a situation at the expense of all other
viewpoints.

Finding the place where the feeling toned aspects of a situation coincide with
the logic of its structure and purpose is not so hard, for it is in the object or
situation itself where these polarities unite. For Extraverted feeling or thinking
types, this place where such a unity of conflicting judgments can be found is
obvious. The key to the situation is “out there”, even if it takes quite some
understanding to reach its truth. For Introverted types, the key to the resolution
of differences might still lay in the object or situation provoking these
differences, but the thinking and feeling affects it represents are locked within
two strictly personal and strongly internalized viewpoints, whose structure,
rules and dynamics are not obvious. In simple terms, Extraverted feeling or
thinking values are affected by and “placed” within the situation creating them,
whilst Introverted feeling or thinking is located within the person themselves.
Subsequently, the Extravert will tend to adjust themselves to the situation,
whilst the Introvert will tend to try and adjust the situation to suit themselves.

While this difference does not necessarily mean it is easier for Extraverted
types to agree or find unity of judgments, it does mean that factors external to
any disagreement can influence the situation positively. Between Introverts
however, such external factors are usually meaningless and simple
“adjustments” or “suitable” re-alignments of the situation’s Extraverted
objectives will not necessarily bring a united, positive judgment. The need for
any adjustment to “suit me” generally renders such easily seen fixes worthless,
and usually only drive any disagreements into deeper more personal levels.

The rapport necessary to align thinking with feeling in Introverted partners

comes only through each recognizing the truly objective existence the other’s
unique personal world. This means coming to understand how and why they
are affected by, and make judgments about, the objects and situations in their
life.

While in no way can the ISTP expect to image or “feel” themselves into their
ISFP partner’s world of feeling values, any more than they can expect the ISFP
to think their way into theirs, with good will and a determination not to allow
their own judgments to control all things, both can set a process of recognition
to work.

Both need to control the quick judgments they make when their partner seems
to have missed the point, or to have quickly trodden over some important
aspect, as if they were being deliberately obtuse or confrontational. What both
need to recognize is that this confrontational aspect simply does not exist, but
merely comes into play in the mind of the person affected. Most of the time,
their partner is not being difficult or confrontational at all – they simply do not
see, and so, do not have reason to deal with matters only the other sees as
important from their own, unique point of view.

Working with the object or situation at hand, these partners simply need to
open a dialogue, rather than “pronounce” about the way it affects them. Firstly,
this means approaching and relating to situations or objects in a way that
recognizes that they encapsulate far more of our human values than our quick,
feeling or thinking assessments usually credit them with. Secondly, it is
essential then for both partners to make an effort to vocalize their ideas and
their assessments of the situation. They need to illustrate to one another the
internal reasoning process by which they reach their conclusions. Thinking can
assess the logic of feeling valuations, and feeling can evaluate good thinking
processes, provided neither take a defensive or confrontational stance. This is
achieved by allowing the situation or object an importance of its own – by
recognizing that the outcome of this discussion or blending of attitudes is the
enhancement of the situation, not the mere scoring of yet another feeling or
thinking goal.

Partners who have grown to their present stage of personal development living
and working with the more down to earth mechanical and logistical realities of
life will already be masters of the above approach. They could hardly be
otherwise, as the demands of a “hands on” life where everything has to work in
its proper, natural manner rarely allows any one-sided approach to work for
very long. Those raised on the land, in family businesses, or who have grown
up through the difficulties of poverty, know this all too well.

Partners with strongly expressed feeling or thinking who have a less than well
developed Sensation, or “reality” function, will need to spend a lot of time
discovering each other’s inner world. They will also need to set themselves to
the task of building a reality together – something “outside” themselves which
together they can create as an externalization of their process of relationship
development. It is by working as a team on building something real, something
hands-on, that will see this relationship develop most easily.

As a pair, these two tend to steer clear of the more abstract “what ifs” and
“maybes”; indeed, they often don’t even think about them at all. When a job
needs to be done, they usually develop a clear picture of what they want or
what they think is needed and head in that direction, rarely second guessing the
bigger picture alternatives or difficulties that may arise. They can also be very
difficult to convince that their might even be a more effective way to achieve
their goal, particularly in things where their approach has worked for them in
the past.

It is not surprising then that the ISTP/ISFP pair will occasionally seem to take
what to others might seem the hardest or most costly way when the possibilities
are up for grabs. To an intuitive outsider it would seem they focus too sharply
on a certain thing or method and can’t seem to get their minds off it long
enough to look at anything else. This attitude, however, rarely brings problems.
More often than not, such seemingly fixed ideas are real focal points of the
relationship and provide far more value by being what they are than worrying
about any collateral losses they might produce.
Here we offer some suggestions to aid and maintain the development of this
relationship.

ISTP suggestions:

• Feeling is not sentiment nor necessarily emotional. It can be for you, but
not for your partner. Often what affects you as a driver for your emotions
is indeed feeling, but not the discriminated, carefully valuing kind of
feeling your partner deals in. Just as you think of something as “fitting”
in a correct or logical manner, so does your partner see things as having
more or less value to a situation. They may not notice that a part doesn’t
quite fit in a mechanical sense, but they will be quite concerned if it is
the wrong color or shape to suit them. Allowing for these judgments of
value can, admittedly, be trying at times. In human situations, your own
straightforward explanation of the how’s and whys to those involved can
seem to your partner like an act of war. All this tiptoeing about values;
it’s a minefield you could live without. The easy way – and really, it is
the only way – is to step back a little from each situation and engage
your partner’s ideas first. Let them offer all their own valuations and
then, with these in mind, you can step up to the plate. You may or may
not hit a home run first time or every time, but at least you’ll be hitting
in a direction that suits both of you.
• When two people get together they tend not only to “bounce off” each
other’s good sides, they also tend to minimize each other’s weaknesses
for the sake of keeping things together. When you both have the same
weaknesses, the places neither of you enjoy going alone can become,
when you are together, as if they simply didn’t exist at all. “All the
better”, you say. I mean, who wants to go there anyway? Well, there are
some parts of life that belong to this side of ourselves; parts that are
totally under the control of that one function that together you tend to
ignore rather than take too much account of. In this case, it is the broader
and less concrete aspects, possibilities and implications that hide within
situations that you tend to leave out of your assessments, particularly
when you are together. Your limit in this area seems to be: “As long as X
doesn’t happen then it will be OK.” That’s fine, you recognize and
understand about “X”, which for you is probably the worst scenario. So
using the same process together, remember to try to scan about for all the
other possible results as well. They may not seem important in the
moment, but one of them could find a nasty target in the future – just
when you don’t want it to.
ISFP suggestions:

• Using only the strictures of a mechanical, technical logic to steer through

life doesn’t work for you. It narrows everything down to parts that
should fit together “just so” regardless of their other qualities. This “just
so-ness” gets to you somewhat, because it leaves out the one thing that
is, to you, the most important of all. That is: not whether things are “just
so”, but “just right”. Unfortunately, your partner doesn’t much seem to
notice the qualities in things that you measure in this way. And the truth
is, they don’t. They might understand in a kind of abstract way when you
mention the qualities in something you value, but they will not really
“see” of “feel” these qualities. “Oh, that’s just such and such,” they say,
reducing your qualities to various effects, measurements and other fiddly
bits. They just don’t get it. Just the same, there are situations where
working things out just so they feel right can create a hell of a mess if
you forget the necessary technical bits. In truth, there are times when you
simply have to explain, not only what you are feeling about something,
but why you are feeling this way. In other words, if you like, you have to
explain the “technical” background of your feelings. Open up in this way
and your partner will “get it”. They can then make the right allowances
for what you feel in those situations where they would otherwise just
forge ahead in their own natural way.
• I know I am saying this again, but you need to read it too! When two
people get together they tend not only to “bounce off” each other’s good
sides, they also tend to minimize each other’s weaknesses for the sake of
keeping things together. When you both have the same weaknesses, the
places neither of you enjoy going alone can become, when you are
together, as if they simply didn’t exist at all. “All the better”, you say. I
mean, who wants to go there anyway? Well, there are some parts of life
that belong to this side of ourselves; parts that are totally under the
control of that one function that together you tend to ignore rather than
take too much account of. In this case, it is the broader and less concrete
aspects, possibilities and implications that hide within situations that you
tend to leave out of your assessments, particularly when you are
together. Your limit in this area seems to be: “As long as X doesn’t
happen then it will be OK.” That’s fine, you recognize and understand
about “X”, which for you is probably the worst scenario. So using the
same process together, remember to try to scan about for all the other
possible results as well. They may not seem important in the moment,
but one of them could find a nasty target in the future – just when you
don’t want it to.
For both partners.

• Both of you tend to be private and more concerned with fulfilling the
needs that come from within your own inner reality than letting the
world or others dictate your life. For this reason you both enjoy the time
alone to just do what it is you want to do, without the need to be
concerned about extraneous things. If you plan to make a life together,
make sure there is not only enough space and time within it to fulfill
these personal drives, but also that there is time and space to focus your
combined skills, talents and desires on a major project you both see as
valuable. For some this might be just a house, a garden or a business
venture, but it could be anything. Whatever it is, make it something you
can invest both your ways of seeing things into, something which at
every level displays your ongoing commitment to each other in a fully
realized, concrete way.

The Key
Our sense of reality – our awareness of how the world really works: “if you do
this, then this will happen – is one of our most important guides in life. Without
a real awareness of the nitty-gritty realities of life, our thinking or feeling ideas
can lock us into ivory towers from where we try to dictate how the world ought
to be, just to suit us. Unfortunately, the world has its own agenda and it offers
only one choice: fit in, or otherwise take the consequences. Where both
partners here have learned this lesson well, they will find they are already a
long way towards the creation of a great relationship. Building a relationship
around a real world endeavor which fulfills the needs of both partners is the
golden way for these two. To others, the aim and focus of this endeavor might
seem off-beat, unusual or even unsocial, but as long as it remains grounded in a
joyous sense of the real, it will take them where they want to go.

Copyright 2011 BSM Consulting Written by Robert G Heyward