September is the English Month Celebration at my child's school.

This is the period wherein kids

as young as seven years old are required (since all recitations are graded) to memorize literary
pieces - may it be a poem, speech or declamation.

Janne, my second grader was tasked to memorize the piece, "Hail, Philippines". It was a three
stanza literary piece for elocution. At first, Janne was so hesitant to memorize it with
a justification, "Nanay, I don't want to perform well. I don't want to be chosen to perform
onstage and compete with other students". Janne, having a driver personality, dislikes failures.
She always wants to excel. So what I did is I encourage her to perform well so she can have high
grades for the performance task. True enough, she did well. Among 25 students in her class, she
was one of the students who was chosen to compete onstage.

This time, she was asking for a trainer who can help her for the contest. I've found several
competent individuals, yet, Janne decided that I'll teach her instead due to conflicts on time
schedules. Although, I am not a speech teacher nor an expert in delivering speeches; however, I
have an idea on how to go about it since I've competed several times too in literary arts during
my grade school years.

Competition day came. As usual, Janne was composed. I couldn't see a tinge of anxiety nor
excitement on her. Ako pa yata ang kinakabahan. Hahaha! I prayed hard that she will be
guided and be able to deliver her piece well. Sad part, I couldn't be with her on that day since I
had to facilitate a seminar.

11:46 AM, MamaLo called up and announced the verdict- we failed! Janne missed to get the top
spot. I could hear her sobs at the background. I talked to her and sobs became a wail. She said,
" Nanay, I told you, sana I didn't join the contest." My heart was broken into pieces. I had mixed
emotions. I want to hug her and kiss her and tell her that everything was just great. But deep
inside, I also wished that the result could be different so I can hear the joyous voice of my Janne.

Failures, are indeed disheartening. It could crush our spirit and lament on it. However, failures
need to be celebrated. Why?

Failure can help us shape better and grow from it.

The manner of comforting our kids during events of mistakes, failures or just simply falling short
of expectations is crucial. The way we, parents treat each challenging moment of our kids will
play a vital role in building up their values and shaping the person we want them to be.

In situations like these, parents' reaction varies;

" It's okay Anak, better luck next time. Galingan natin next time ha.?"

" Don't cry. Mas magaling ka pa sa winner."

"Nah! You see? You didn't practiced well. That's why you didn't win."
"Stop crying. We will just buy you something. What do you want?"

Various strategies have been tried and adapted just to comfort our kids.

But, there is one thing that I've learned during our Parental Skills Seminar and some reading
from the Growth Mindset site, I've learned that -

Failures must be celebrated as small victories. Encourage and

celebrate your child’s mistakes
As Learning Experiences
-Growth Mindset

As parents, we should focus on our child's efforts rather than on the results of their efforts. What
most parents do is we praise our children for being smart, for their talents and for everything that
they do with quantifiable results . We often tell our kids,

" Wow! you are so smart!" "Very good! I like your voice, you are so talented!".

These statements will make them think that being smart and talented is something that they need
to achieve to receive a praise. The moment failure strikes, they will be devastated. This makes
children perceive mistakes as failures and more concern on appearing smart rather than focusing
on the learning process.

So, how do we praise our kids? Let us praise them for their EFFORTS, VALUES and
ATTITUDES as it promotes a growth mindset. Let us show that failures are actually part of the
learning process and there is always a room for improvement. Kids will be trained to always aim
to be better, always better in everything they will do.

So, here we are, celebrating Janne's "failure" as her small victory. We laud Janne for her courage
to stand onstage and deliver her elocution piece perfectly well. We take pride on her confidence
and for her grit during our practices. Kudos, Yitsoi!

When asked what she wants for a job well done? She shouted, " Four Cheese Burger @ Burger
King!"

How about you? Have you also experienced scenarios like these? :)

Share your story with us. :)