FRIENDSHIP CONTRACT

BE IT KNOWN, this agreement is entered into on this day, __________ , 20___,

between one fantastic, charismatic, and humble person, ______________ (hereinafter
also referenced as "Friend #1"), and a generous, super cool, supporter-for-life
__________________________ (hereinafter also referenced as "Friend #2").

Now, therefore, it is agreed as follows:

ARTICLE 1: BEING THERE FOR EACH OTHER

§ 1.1 Friend #2 will be there for Friend #1 at all times including but not limited to: When
it’s raining outside and Friend #1 gets sad thinking about the little raindrops dying
painfully as they hit the pavement, when it’s not raining, and when it’s one of those days
where it’s raining for a bit but then not raining for another bit.

§ 1.2 Friend #2 MUST support Friend #1’s artistic endeavors, no matter how amateurish
or unwise those endeavors are.
§ 1.2.1 If Friend #1 starts playing guitar, Friend #2 is required to issue frequent
supportive statements such as: “Now we’re grooving!” “You’re making love to
those frets, best friend!” and “You sound even better than Blues Traveler!”

§ 1.3 If Friend #1 is going through a breakup, Friend #2 must break up with their own
significant other so that both Friend #1 and Friend #2 can hit the town together looking
for new love.

ARTICLE 2: HELPING EACH OTHER

§ 2.1 Whenever Friend #1 needs to move, Friend #2 will help.
§ 2.1.1 Excuses like, “My back is out” or “I just helped you move six weeks ago,
please find a stable apartment,” are not permissible.

§ 2.2 Friend #2 promises to come over any time Friend #1 spots a large bug or medium-
sized shadow that might be a bug and needs help smushing it.

ARTICLE 3: RELATIONSHIP PREEMINANCE

§ 3.1 If Friend #1 introduces Friend #2 to a third friend, Friends #2 and #3 MAY NOT
BECOME BETTER FRIENDS WITH EACH OTHER than they are with Friend #1.

§ 3.2 Friend #2 is free to discuss the terms of this contract with anyone. However, Friend
#2 is prohibited from introducing Friend #1 as, “The person from the contract” or “My
friend who is all weird about being friends.”
§ 3.2.1 Friend #1’s preferred introduction is, “You wanted the best, you got the
best! Ladies and gentlemen, Friend #1!”

ARTICLE 4: SPENDING TIME TOGETHER

§ 4.1 If Friend #2 is watching a sporting event, they must invite Friend #1.
 § 4.1.1 Friend #2 agrees to provide a selection of magazines for Friend #1 to read,
since Friend #1 doesn’t really like sports all that much.

§ 4.2 Friend #2 agrees with the statement, “It’s just not a party if Friend #1 isn’t there!”
and so will hold ZERO (0) social gatherings without inviting Friend #1.
§ 4.2.1 Social gatherings include but are not limited to:
• Dinner parties
• Movie nights
• Lacrosse tournaments
• Bar trivia outings
• Shopping extravaganzas
• Ironic wax museum visits
• Sincere wax museum visits
• All group texts

§ 4.3 Friend #2 MUST attend Friend #1’s guitar recital, even if the recital is being held at
Friend #1’s apartment and all of the performers are just Friend #1 and all of the songs are
just Blues Traveler’s Four in order.

ARTICLE 5: NONSTOP EMOTIONAL HONESTY

§ 5.1 Both parties agree that friendships can’t be one-sided. Friendships must be based on
mutual concern and loyalty. And so if Friend #2 is being a jerk, you’d better believe
Friend #1 is going to bring it up and throw it right back in Friend #2’s face.
§ 5.1.1 And Friend #2 is going to sit there and take it, legally.

§ 3.2 After any fights, Friend #2 will apologize and reflect on how they hurt Friend #1.

ARTICLE 6: ENTERTAINMENT EQUALITY

§ 6.1 Friend #2 may not, under any circumstances, get ahead of Friend #1 in watching
episodes of new Netflix shows. Even if Friend #1 is in a coma forever.

ARTICLE 7: TRYING NEW THINGS TOGETHER

§ 7.1 Friend #2 will share all news of cool new bands, restaurants, and books with Friend
#1.
§ 7.1.1 At this point, Friend #2 and Friend #1 will enter a one (1) month-long
“EXCLUSIVITY PERIOD” in which neither Friend #1 nor Friend #2 will share
their cool finds with any other friends.

ARTICLE 8: INSIDE JOKES

§ 8.1 Friend #1 and Friend #2 will share a minimum of ten (10) inside jokes between
them.
§ 8.1.1 If it is found that a third party did NOT have to “be there” to appreciate
the inside joke, that joke will no longer count towards the minimum of ten (10)
inside jokes.

ARTICLE 9: GIFT GIVING

§ 9.1 Friend #1 is looking for a new sous-vide cooker. Just sayin’.

ARTICLE 10: PENALTIES AND SANCTIONS

§ 10.1 If Friend #2 is found to be in violation of any piece of this contract, that’s okay–
Friend #2 can just go ahead and destroy Friend #1’s life, as if their friendship never
meant anything at all. Friend #1 agrees to be sad forever and to never forgive Friend #2.

§ 10.2 Friend #1 will never play Blues Traveler’s “Hook” on guitar ever again. It would
be too painful.

I/We do hereby affirm and declare under penalty of perjury under the laws of the
Republic of the Philippines, the United States and the State of _____________, that this
agreement has been entered into voluntarily, and without any threats, promises, duress
and/or coercion of any type.

This agreement shall be enforced with the laws of the State of _______________.

Signed this ______________ day of _________________, 20__

____________________________________
Friend #1

_____________________________________
Friend #2

Witnessed:

________________________ ________________________
BFF 1 Signature over Printed BFF 2 Signature over Printed

{ NOTARY SEAL IF NECESSARY IN YOUR STATE }