Académique Documents
Professionnel Documents
Culture Documents
October 12-13
Words
have
octane.
There are many options
open to the genuine
“creative” individual.
Uh-oh!
The writer
always
has a stronger way
to begin
a sales argument
than the neutral phrase
“There is…”
or
“There are….”
If Michelangelo were
painting today…
Historically,
where are we?
Fourth
generation
musings…
In a recent
catalog:
In a recent catalog:
And 10 years from now…?
Trends for the second half
of the second decade of
the 21 century:
st
1. Increasing informality
2. Increasingly emphatic
persuasion
3. Inclusion of validation
4. Promise of fast action
A universal reaction:
“I want it
NOW.”
Primitive but a good “pitch” because
it builds around immediacy:
In sync
with
the
medium
and 21st
century
trends
Click
brings up
this…
still in
sync
with the
medium
and 21st
century
trends
Interesting
study.
Note who
issued it.
When you see this color
screen, it’s for a
Quick hands-on.
Please participate.
What happens here
stays here.
Sorry, you won’t hear them
during this diatribe:
• Paradigm • At the end of the
• Proactive day
• Win-win • Core competency
• Game plan • Think outside the
• 24/7 box
• Fast track • Knowledge-based
• Customer-centric • On the same page
Specifics outpull
generalizations.
Remember that if
you’re asked to write
a sample piece of
copy.
(You will be, in two
minutes.)
Take a look at the
two most famous
advertisements of
all time … both
are direct
response:
Written in
1926…
still much
imitated today:
•They grinned
when the waiter
spoke to me in
French
•They laughed
when I told them
how I beat stress
•They laughed
when I said I’d
lose weight
Hundreds of
others
Could you
match this
famous ad
that ran for
45 years?
Let’s look
at the
power of
one minor
word:
If These Mistakes
had been This Mistake
the power would have been
a fraction of what it was.
Why?
Why would
anyone
bother
reading
beyond the
nonspecific
headlines?
You can
write better
wording
than that.
“There are
many reasons
America’s
leading
companies
choose our
Direct
Response
solutions” is
student-level
copy.
Rewrite to add
strength.
Why is this email less effective
than it might be?
An absolute rule of
force-
communication:
One specific
example brings more
response than ten
generalizations.
Avoid these words in
force-communication
messages:
• quality • “Remember,”
• service • What’s more
• value • Your partner
in…
• needs (as
noun) • When it
comes to…
Please, please:
Never again write “blah”
phrases such as…
• Act now.
• See your Toyota dealer
today.
• Southwest Airlines
means business.
Impact increases with
apparent warmth.
Example: start with
Bye now.
Move up slightly to
See you soon.
Even what appears to be
an insignificant change
to a question increases
impact. Convert
See you soon.
to
See you soon?
Personalization adds an
emotional overtone:
See you soon.
becomes
I hope we’ll get
together again
soon.
Combining personalization
with a question forces a
reaction:
I hope we’ll get
together again soon.
doesn’t begin to compete in
potency against
Will we get together
again soon?
Inclusion reduces the
possibility of rejection.
Example – replacing
I’d like us to get
together again soon.
with
We’ll get together
again soon.
(Would this as a question be
stronger? or weaker?)
Can you relate
those simple
examples to an
analysis of your
salesmanship in
direct response
copy?
Would you
have wasted
the expense
and
opportunity
to reach
commercial
customers
as this bank
did?
Quick hands-on:
Write a headline to
replace…
Commitment.
It’s all in our
approach.
You know why we should
NEVER slide through
word-choices without
considering whether even
slightly different wording
might have greater
fractional impact:
RESPONSE.
What is the difference
between
3
and
three
?
What is a more emotional
word or phrase than:
• commence • purchase
• utilize • fortunate
• omit • requested
• receive • I write
• we would like to concerning
• large • we shall
• you incur no • error
risk • perhaps
• circular • however
• donate • humorous
What is the difference
between:
• autumn and fall • right now and at
• at last and once
finally • reply and respond
• sexy and sensual • insincere and not
• nude and naked sincere
• made and • eager and anxious
manufactured • audience and
• manufactured by viewers
and built by • died and passed
away
Note the difference in
thrust, impact, and (vital for
us) selling power:
“One in five Americans will
experience identity theft.”
versus
“One in five people will be
hit with identity theft.”
Shift to active voice and
watch as muscle skyrockets:
“One in five Americans will
be hit with identity theft.”
versus
“Identity theft will smash
into the lives of one in five
Americans.”
What is the difference
between
lifetime
guarantee
and
guaranteed for
twenty years
?
What is the difference
between
guaranteed for
twenty years
and
guaranteed for
20 years
?
Spelling out a word adds dignity,
formality, and importance. It also
may add distance between writer
and reader. So choose based on the
circumstance:
Mt. Olympus Mount Olympus
Ft. Lauderdale Fort Lauderdale
St. Jude Saint Jude
Dr. Smith Doctor Smith
Mr. Brown Mister Brown
No. 1 Number one
Match words to the
specific demographic
you’re wooing:
inexpensive
cheap
YOU are in command of the
reaction to your words:
Incorrect
Wrong
YOU are in command of the
reaction to your words:
“Get this.”
YOU are in command of the
reaction to your words:
“She’s a vice-president of
the agency.”
“She’s vice-president of
the agency.”
YOU are in command of the
reaction to your words:
Trousers
Pants
YOU are in command of the
reaction to your words:
$250,000
Illegal immigrant
Undocumented alien
Word use:
Replace… with…
must have to
among one of
utilize use
perhaps maybe
buy acquire
purchase own
spend allocate
receive get
YOUR hand is
on the
trigger.
Don’t fire
blanks.
An easy and obvious
litmus test for
both envelope copy and
e-mail subject line:
Does it grab
and is it
relevant?
Relevance is as easy as this:
Amateurish, not good grammar… but
suggests personal and easy reading
The
enclosure
…
What are
the pros
and cons
of this
approach
?
What
image
does this
offer
conjure
up?
Positive
or
negative?
Aimed at
not-for-
profit
groups.
What
would you
have, as a
clearer
message?
Punctuation makes a
huge difference:
• Money to invest
• or…
• Money to invest?
Quick hands-on:
Suggest a more
salesworthy replacement
for:
Imperative
outpulls
declarative.
Phony pitch
(car came
with 5-year
warranty) …
but cold
imperative
tone makes
it credible to
some.
What is
wrong
with
this
email
?
The Law of Tenses:
Never.
“The Asterisk Exception”:
A reader automatically
anticipates a negative
result from an asterisk in
either heading or text.
If you are announcing a
positive, DO NOT use an
asterisk.
The five types of
comparatives:
• We’re better than they are.
• Unlike so-called competitors
who…
• We’re the greatest.
• We were marvelous before,
and now we’re even better.
• Intended to sell for x-amount
… yours for y-amount.
Hands-on practice:
Write a comparative
claim other than “We’re
better than they are” for
the organization you
represent.
Information optimizing…
Parity Advertising:
The statement seems to imply
superiority but actually only
claims parity... "No bank pays
higher interest"; Nobody sells
for less"; "We'll meet any
discount price."
Hands-on practice:
Write a “Parity”
statement for the
organization you
represent.
Information optimizing…
The
“Restoration/Preservation”
Rule:
When promoting personal
improvement products,
restoration outpulls
preservation.
Why?
The three components of
successful force-
communication:
1. Basic psychology
2. Vocabulary suppression
3. Salesmanship equivalent
to that of a vacuum
cleaner salesman in a
department store
Two ads, same advertiser.
Which has both clarity and impact?
One of these pulled more than
twice the response of the
other. Which one? Why?
Is this
the
optimal
way to
contact
cold lists
via
email? Please go to this link to see all of this company's Business
Announcements
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original, Today, Macromark is recognized as one of the industry's fastest-growing
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business clients, in the US, Canada and Internationally.
O p t o u t : of future Business Announcements
scroll
down to
see)
This legend is in mice-
type below the Gift Card
references:
• About Macromark:Macromark, Inc. is a leading, highly
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monetization media company. Relying on its experienced
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Peculiar follow-up. Would
you enter information?
Standard email offer.
Click and…
This appears.
But within two seconds…
This blocks out the image.
Your opinion: More response, or less?
Part Two:
E2 =0
The Fourth Great Law:
“You
like
me.”
The Clarity
Commandment:
When you choose words and
phrases for
force-communication,
clarity is paramount.
Don’t let any other component
of the communications mix
interfere with it.
Word sequence
and spacing
affect clarity.
DON’T EVER
violate
The Clarity
Commandment.
An example…
The email on the left pulled 84%
better. Why? Greater clarity.
Attention
spans are
short, and
quick
negative
reactions are
common.
Would you
want four
people
looking down
at you?
Can you see how these – 4 pages
apart in the same catalog – violate
the Clarity Commandment?
What would you have done to add
clarity, without eliminating either
product?
What is
the
point…
and the
meaning
…
of the
brackets
in the
headline
?
OK, I’ll
buy.
Uhhh…
What are
you
selling?
When you
promise
“How
to…”
quickly
explain
“How
to”..or
risk
confusion.
The
answer is
“pretty
straight-
forward”?
Not if the
thrust is
“We”
instead of
“You.”
You say,
“Let’s talk
simple.”
Well, OK,
but what
are we
talking
about?
Clarify,
please.
Word sequence can have a
profound effect on clarity
• Half roasted chicken
• Roasted half chicken
• Roasted chicken half
• Roast chicken half
• Half a roast chicken
• (and hyphens may help
clarify:
Chicken-half, roasted)
Nobody
likes the
post
office…
but this is
a superior
ad.
What
makes it
superior?
Cleverness
without
clarity
violates
both the
Second
Great Law
and the
Clarity
Command.
(They sell
email
personalizing
… tracking …
and spam
filter control)
• Rewrite
for
clarity
and
response.
What
makes
this
an
effective
message
?
Clever
wording
that
adds
clarity
is the
height
of copy
skill.
A tip:
For clarity,
When listing two parallel
items, and one has a qualifier,
list the one without the
qualifier first. Example:
helps you diet and quit
smoking ...
NOT
helps you quit smoking and
diet
An
expiration date
almost always
improves response.
•Fear
•Exclusivity
•Greed
•Guilt
•Need for approval
“Soft” motivators:
Convenience
and
Pleasure
Motivator for
fund raisers,
extremist organization:
Anger
Note the potent trigger-word.
Possible
additional motivators
as the 21st century
evolves:
Envy
Status
(Does status differ
from exclusivity?)
Hands-on practice:
For a product with which
you’re associated, create
the headline for a space
ad using one of the Five
Great Motivators.
Then create a second
headline using another of
those Motivators.
The Consistency
Command:
Components of an
advertisement, a mailing, or
an email message should
reinforce and validate one
another, or
reader/viewer/listener
response to all components
will be reduced.
The Rule of
Negative Subtlety:
The effectiveness of a
direct response message
whose purpose is to sell
something
decreases in direct ratio
to an increase in
subtlety.
First Sub-rule of
Negative Subtlety:
10% off.
Free shipping.
What is the difference
in pulling power
between
included
and
free
?
This
magazine
“includes”
extras
that had
to strain
the
writer’s
mental
resources.
We’ll look
closer.
How would you have worded
some of these “Benefits”?
Remember
the rule,
Imperative
outpulls
declarative?
This b-to-b
email
ignores that
rule and
invites
“Click. I’m
outta here.”
Now you do it:
Write a dynamic
subject line and first
line of text for that
email.
Suggest an effective subject line
Are newsletters
effective use of
email?
(Many catalog emailers
use the
newsletter format as
“stay-in-touch”
communication.)
A newsletter
is a porous
email
bandage,
considerably
less exciting than
a one-to-one offer.
Why?
Because…
Building respect
for the sender
is not parallel
to responding
to an offer.
Newsletter Newsletter
advantages: disadvantages:
• Mild customer • Weak selling
loyalty weapon
• Frequency has • Selling is
logic subordinated
• Many variations • Boredom factor
(jokes, surveys)
If you decide to use a
newsletter to build your
list or to be the “carrier”
for your sales message,
YOU MUST
be certain that the first
item is exciting for the
recipient.
Is the first item in your
newsletter
an advertising message?
Uh-oh.
Is the first item in your
“Joke of the Day”
the joke itself
and not
an advertising message?
Uh-oh.
A key point:
Each format dictates a
different
psychology.
DON’T
send a message
that’s a total
download, with no
upfront
motivators.
Why?
Because
12 to 18 million
people
(used to be
30 million)
will see this
on their screen:
Did you know…
•Adding the recipient’s
name to the “Subject”
line usually increases
response.
•There is no point in
sending “teaser” email.
Which is better? This one?
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Let's face it. It's the 4th quarter. The holidays are just around the
corner. Now is the time to gear up for the busiest and most
profitable time of the year! We all need to:
* boost sales
* increase profits
* expand our markets
* max our budgets (use it or lose it!)
* watch the bottom line
The BOTTOM LINE: dollar for dollar, pound for pound, there's
nothing more powerful and effective than targeted email
advertising (proof of this in an independent study - see link below!)
Or this, same day’s email:
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Here's some new info for you. Please call me right away.
Regards,
Rich
Let's face it. It's the 4th quarter. The holidays are just around the
corner. Now is the time to gear up for the busiest and most profitable time of
the year! We all need to:
* boost sales
* increase profits
* expand our markets
* max our budgets (use it or lose it!)
* watch the bottom line
The BOTTOM LINE: dollar for dollar, pound for pound, there's nothing more
An oddity
worth testing:
•Talk to me.
•Do me a favor.
D o n ’t g e t d ia r r h e a
Don’t get diarrhea of the
o f t h e f in g e r t ip s .
fingertips.
==================================================
Dear Docent-Colleague,
Employing Microsoft’s Digital Media, this retiform Division invites you to gain
knowledge and understanding of the professional and nonprofessional benefits of
streaming media technologies during complimentary attendance at a webcast:
An original (first)
communication
suggesting a prior
inquiry.
Do you consider it
unethical?
A key question:
What are you doing…
or including…
to maximize
the capture of
online addresses?
(Easy hint: Give
them a reason.)
Forget using email as a
“branding” procedure:
Building respect
for the sender
isn’t parallel to
generating response
to an offer.
A powerful rule of
force-communication:
Specifics outpull
generalizations.
Email
is today’s
most significant example of
this rule.
“Ad” copy versus specifics:
Which will bring more response?
So…
Load your both your
subject line and your
message with
rhetorical dynamite…
But don’t assume you
can get away with
blather.
Who can resist
this flattering subject line?
Which of these would bring
greater response?
I was just reviewing our client list when suddenly a vision flashed into
my minds eye!
I nearly dropped my cup of tea it was so powerful and concentrated. We understand you're going
through some difficult times and want very badly to find or keep your true love.
We also know that you may be struggling financially and need MONEY desperately. Well, your time
may soon come! However, I must warn you that to get what we most want in life we sometimes
need to find courage and walk a hazardous path.
$Firstname$, at these times we need to walk through fire and take chances!
Are you up to the challenge?
$Firstname$, Are you ready to take the risks you need to transform your life?
We must read your Tarot cards to clarify this intense vision! That's why I'm giving you a FREE Tarot
reading! Call now!
Begin to take some chances for your dreams! $Firstname$, call toll-free 1-800-526-4317
immediately! In your future, $Firstname$, you may be confronted with a decision that could very
well lead to wealth, health and happiness. You may be rich! One caller claims to have won money
with her psychics' advice!You could you be next!
The Web is
price-
driven.
Why should a marketer
offer
FREE SHIPPING
for orders resulting from
email solicitation…
but not for the same item
ordered from the printed
catalog?
You know the answer:
ALL
commercial
email is competitive
with all other
commercial email.
In 2013,
many
printed
catalogs
either add
free
shipping or
face a
drastic
reduction
of volume.
Is this
email or
a Web
page?
(The
question
is the
point: It
could be
either.)
“Bots” expose
comparative prices:
Let’s take a closer look to
see comparisons:
short.
No paragraphs
longer than
seven lines.
Some can be one word.
Single space
the letter.
Double space
between paragraphs.
In a letter longer than
one page,
don’t
end a paragraph at the
bottom of any page
except the last.
(Why?)
Don’t
sneak up
on the reader.
Fire
your biggest gun
first.
(Imperative for email.)
Tired of “Dear Friend”?
Try one of these:
• Good morning!
• Hi.
• Dear Colleague,
• Dear Tennis Nut,
• Dear Fellow Tennis Nut,
• This will be a good day, [NAME]!
• If you’re like I am, [NAME]…
Specifics
outpull
generalizations.
A logical test:
The same letter,
with and without
marginal notes
If you include
marginal notes…
A potpourri
of useful
tips
The Consistency Command:
Components of an
advertisement. a mailing, or
an email message must
reinforce and validate one
another, or
reader/viewer/listener
response to all components
will be reduced.
The mailing sells variable data printing.
But the mailer doesn’t use it.
The superiority of examples
over statistics:
Statistics = cold-blooded, no
involvement.
Examples = warm-blooded,
involvement.
First pass:
If treated early, 75% of those
children who have this deadly
disease can be saved.
Second pass:
Innocent children die from this
disease. With early treatment,
three out of four will live.
Third pass:
This deadly disease is killing
innocent children. With early
treatment we can save three
precious lives, of four we're now
losing.
Fourth pass:
We lost Jimmy today. His
parents knew his precious days
were numbered. But Mary, Karen,
and Billy all will live. We were
able to start their treatment early
enough to save them.
Discount
Buy direct
Young
Have a problem with...
Do you remember how
[WHATEVER] used to be?
Have you considered?
For print, mail, or email
to seniors:
So don’t
start your selling
argument
with
“Don’t.”
The
“Teaser-Waster” Rule:
Teaser mailings and space ads,
which don't tell the reader
what the mailer has for sale,
are less productive than mailings
which include facts on which
the target-individual can formulate
a buying decision.
The Non-Importance
Rule:
Illustration should
agree with what we are
selling, not with
headline copy.
Hucksterism:
totally
out of date.
Getting
attention
isn’t
parallel
to getting
positive
attention
resulting
in
positive
prospect-
action.
Suggest an
illustration
that better
sells the
concept.
(And can
you make
the copy
more
dynamic?)
WARNING:
If you think
in cliché-terms
you absolutely and
positively will excrete
second-level
“creative” work.
Hopeless
cliché:
The
smart
copy
team
blames
the art
director.
Hopeless
cliché:
The
smart
copy
team
blames
the art
director.
Hopeless
cliché:
The
smart
copy
team
blames
the art
director.
Hopeless
cliché:
The
smart
copy
team
blames
the art
director.
Hopeless
cliché:
The
smart
copy
team
blames
the art
director.
Hopeless
cliché:
The
smart
copy
team
blames
the art
director.
Space ad
aimed at
nonprofits
…
Rewrite
heading to
add
dynamics
and
specifics.
All right,
quick:
What are
they
selling?
All right,
quick:
What are
they
selling?
All right,
quick:
What’s this
all about?
Quick: What are they selling?
Why is
this
one
different
?
The Active/Passive Rule:
Which customers?
-- The tip of the pyramid.
-- (If staffing permits) 12-month
dropoffs.
Call only
____the tip____
of
the pyramid.
Public perception
The “Avoid Five” Rule:
In more formal copy, avoid using
multiples of five when suggesting
time or cost of distance –
Replace
“about five minutes.”
“Oh, figure spending ten bucks.”
with
“some 4-1/2 minutes.”
“Anticipate a cost of about
eleven dollars.”
The reader interprets
the five/ten estimates
as guesses, because
they are the common
approximation.
But…
Those approximations can
be valuable when projecting
a casual mood.
• From $30,250
• Starting at $30,250
Choice of words:
• administration • formulate
• approximately • indeed
• define • needs (as
noun)
• earn
• product
• facilitate • respond
• features • work
A dozen words and
phrases with power
• free • first time offered
• free gift • not sold in stores
• good only until
• limited [DATE]
time • Don’t miss out
• right now • I’ll look for your
• surprise order
• hot • Try it at our risk
Some
“Quickies”
Sometimes cracks the
apathy barrier:
Address side stays in
character:
Letter stays in character,
except:
The copywriter’s most
professional tool …
Are you maximizing it?
(Are you aware of it? If
you are, are you aware of
how easy it is?)
Word
expansion
A few examples of word
expansion:
The original copy –
“Available in gray,
suntan, blue, and
charcoal.”
Expanded, copy adds a
minuscule injection of
power –
“Available in these
most wanted colors –
gray, suntan, blue,
and charcoal.”
With more word
expansion, we add
another mini- injection of
power –
“Available in every one
of these most wanted
colors – gray, suntan,
blue, and charcoal.”
What is the word in all
those examples that saps
out power?
Available
So:
Search and destroy
that
power-shrinking word:
Available
How would you re-word this?
One more apparently
trivial example of
word expansion:
Original –
“Word expansion is the
easiest and the most
logical way to add word-
power.”
Adding one word expands
impact just a fraction…
and fractions are what
the professional looks for
and exploits –
“Word expansion is both
the easiest and the most
logical way to add word-
power.”
Careful, though:
Don’t over-
expand.
Which of these
headings pulled
better?
Vote. The actual test results…
Use of subhead pulled
considerably better:
Why did the one on the left
pull more than 20% better?
Opinion: 1. Question is involving.
2. “15 minutes” is too long, a turnoff.
The longer subject line pulled
considerably more response. (All
other elements were identical.)
AWARENESS
Benefit in
force-communication:
not,
"What will it do?"
but,
"What will it do for me?"
TELL YOUR
TARGET-
INDIVIDUAL
WHAT
TO
DO.
The benefit of
QUESTIONS
Quick and obvious tip:
This is you.
Is this you?
Questions
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