Sharing a Traditional Chinese meal before a negotiation : a frightening effectiveness

Does eating together improve negotiation? Komaromi and Falcao (Insead, Strategy, Sept 2018) compiled
a few researches on the subject, that were quite interesting. Indeed, it is a proven fact that sharing a
meal during a negotiation produced a higher outcome than a negotiation in a meeting room with just
some water at disposal.

The fact of breaking the bread together, or eating at the same table, decreases the levels of uncertainty
as it brings more confidence between parties, through a more relaxed attitude. In competitive
negotiation, food sharing brings 12% more profit to the parties, as it brings down barriers between them
( Neale and Belmi paper, Stanford University)

In short, shared meal means more confidence over your counterpart, be it a supplier or a client.

So a shared meal is fine, but how about shared food, shared dishes like in Chinese traditional
restaurants.

I experienced here in Asia something which is also important when you are going to negotiate with
people.

Asian like to have a meal to discover their counterpart before a negotiation takes place, later in the
office. Even if most of the literature about cultural management tells you it is just a way to discover each
other and to break the ice, it is not that simple.

In Chinese style meal, the plates are served on a turntable also called revolving tray or “Lazy Susan”, and
everybody takes from the dishes on the table, turning the table to reach the dish they want to sample or
eat.

You have rules of etiquette that says that you will not start before the host invite you to do so, and a few
other dos and donts. But the main purpose of this meal is elsewhere: it is the perfect moment to
observe your eventual future business partner, supplier, client.

What would you think of someone who rushes to take the best part or the biggest part of the steamed
fish dish? Someone who takes the last piece in the dish without asking? The one who simply takes for
himself without proposing his nearest neighbor whether they also want to be served. The person who
always refill her own cup of tea, without care for others….

All these are manners, good manners. But in the case of a business meal, it tells a lot about the way the
negotiation will be conducted and how the business will be on a long term basis.

I remember having said to my business associate after a meal with potential business partners to just
drop the case and look for other persons. The two directors, during the first meeting in a Chinese
restaurant, would just take big portions out of the common dishes, without caring whether there was
enough left for everybody.

This kind of attitude reveals a way of thinking which is “me first, I don’t care about others”, incompatible
with a business partnership, there’s enough literature about that, I don’t need to develop further here.
How about the selfish attitude of someone who uses his chopsticks to take the food in the dish instead
of using the dish spoon. Thinking of others is also absent of the person mind, maybe in a different way
than the person mentioned before, but still it is a no go.

You can also learn a lot about the person by the way they treat the restaurant personnel. If they treat
you in a very good way, but treat the waiters and waitress in a very bad way, you need to be very careful
with them, as once they don’t need you anymore, they will treat you like this poor waitress.

On a positive side, look for persons who will serve everyone around the table before serving themselves,
who will be fair with everyone, they will be good business partners and you can look for a long term
relationship.

To summarize, inviting your business partners (clients, suppliers…) to have a meal in a traditional
Chinese Restaurant before starting a negotiation is a formidable weapon if you know how to read the
signs and behavior of your counterpart during this particular moment.

Olivier Cane