“Life is governed by cycles, by change. Sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down.

After a storm comes the stillness. After the heavy rain, there is growth. After the unpleasant
changes, there will be Greater Activity, Greater Success”
- Master Choa Kok Sui

A peek into my struggle

Picture this! You are living the life of your dreams - early twenties, college & hostel life,
ambition-lit eyes, a young mind with great ideas, you almost feel there’s no stopping, you are
unconquerable just like any young blooded millennial. And then, the next thing you know -
you find yourself in a psychiatric hospital, more like a mental asylum, the dates on the
calendar seem fast tracked by a week almost like those 5-7 days were just shockingly
erased as if they never existed in your life. You then wake up rubbing your eyes in disbelief,
uttering bollywood dialogues like “main kaun hoon, kahaan hoon?!”. That was me in 2010,
diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder at the age of 23.

Bipolar is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the
ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. Since 2010, I have had multiple episodes of depression
and mania (unusual elevated mood) requiring hospitalization almost like a yearly ritual - not
to mention some extremely embarrassing actions done by me without my knowledge both at
work and in social life, putting my family through crazy times, an absolute chaos since life
just sidetracks for several weeks, sometimes months. To put this in layman terms, during
depressive episodes, there is tiredness all day, restlessness, irritability, having difficulty
concentrating or making decisions, crying all day for no reason, feeling of emptiness,
extremely low self-esteem and almost suicidal. On the other hand, manic episodes are the
the other extreme of feeling ‘high’ - overly happy or outgoing mood, tending to have
unrealistic beliefs in my capabilities as though I have superpowers, behaving impulsively,
indulging in pleasure seeking activities - spending sprees, impulsive sex and starting new
business projects randomly. What’s more, with the hospitalization, it is more than a struggle
to get back on my feet especially with the psychiatric drugs that are targeted to numb the
brain, slow down it’s activity and make the body overtly lethargic.

Living with this for 3-4 years, I started noticing the patterns and lifestyle choices that trigger
these symptoms in me. These are usually different from patient to patient and hence the
psychiatrists do not have definitive answers. Even though I hail from a cosmopolitan city
such as Bangalore, I had to jump, skip, hop between 3-4 psychiatrists before I could stick to
one that I found reasonable. This also meant that I lost about 4-5 years just figuring out what
is a sustainable way to manage my life with the disorder because as per modern medicine,
Bipolar stays with you lifelong, like other lifestyle conditions such as diabetes which can only
be managed and not cured. However, naturopathy and alternative healing disciplines do
have testimonials of cases that have been cured/ healed.

The Better Life

Thankfully, Pranic Healing, Yoga and marriage have brought immense stability in my life
through some insightful experiences & learnings. Like they rightly say, a good life partner
brings the best out of you. I am lucky to be married a man who supports me through my
weaknesses and gives wings to my strengths. Thanks to him, I now understand the phrase
‘wind beneath my wings’ and relate to this award winning song completely. Pranic Healing
courses/teachings as well as our community of practitioners and healers has always
reinforced my faith in healing myself and I continue to do so with a new found confidence, as
I author this article.
Yoga has been a staggered journey - I first forayed into Yoga when I was 18 at the
Rashtrothana centre close to my place, just as a daily fitness activity like most people do. I
quit after a few months, probably because they taught to large groups, about 50-70 people in
a hall which did not cater to my needs at that time. In any case, fitness at that age was never
a problem especially since I was into dance in my college days and had been a state-level
skater in my school days. My next stint at yoga was with my hostel roommates at Symbiosis,
Pune while I was pursuing an MBA in Hospital & Healthcare management. We dabbled
between gym a few days of the week to doing surya namaskars by watching youtube videos
on yoga. As far as my memory takes me, I have always been inclined towards yoga and a
yogic perspective towards life. In mid 2016, I put up at a friend’s place in Pune for a week
since the then business demanded so, we were working in collaboration with her husband
on a fintech startup and both of them were generous enough to open their hearts and home
to us :). It is always a gratifying experience to stay with friends even if you can afford a
luxury hotel. Amit (my husband) & I never miss a chance to touch-base with our friends
across the country or globe and spend a few fun-filled evenings with them. So back to Pune,
my friend Mamta happened to narrate her story of excruciating back pain post pregnancy
and how she healed herself through Yoga. Inspired by her, I came back to Bangalore and
joined morning sessions at a Sivananda Yoga centre in the city. Once again, work and life
became a priority, health taking a backseat - a mistake, rather a sin most of us commit until
we are ignorant. I now strongly believe that the first spark of awareness within oneself is
when we begin to respect our body and give our health its due.

The Tipping Point

Many times we ignore the intelligence within and stupefy our intuition. And then, the
universal forces are compelled to give us that little nudge by putting us through rough tides.
It need not always have to take a beating and ‘x’ number of failures before we find our
calling. It is forever a part of our consciousness, just that we choose to cloud it with
innumerable irrelevant things that prevent us from identifying that calling. As life would have
it, my story also had a couple of pitfalls - the tipping point being the last position I held
working on a very special initiative with a dear friend. It was called ‘Expressions Society’
aimed at getting kids to express themselves through public speaking, art, music, dance etc..
through a very unique operational and business model. I was immensely passionate about it
and travelled 50+ kms back & forth through namma Bengaluru’s traffic spending about 3
hours on the road, however it was not meant to be due to a multitude of reasons which I still
continue to brainstorm in my mind in the hope to make this project a success again. That
experience of being driven about something, and yet failing stirred an ocean of emotions in
me. It made me question many things - my effort, the mirage called work-life balance, age
old wisdom of being yourself and the debatable education system that exists in the world
today. Post this drama, I took a three month break which coincided with my sister’s wedding
in the US - a much needed respite! Although I has seen greater successes and tragedies
earlier in life, this seemed to be ‘the’ tipping point. It was at this point in my life, end of 2017
that I decided to give yoga a more dedicated attempt by enrolling for the Yoga Instructor’s
Course (YIC) with SVYASA, a deemed yoga university of high repute.

Life renewed with yoga

2018 started on a great note for me with the three month YIC Jan through Mar. The course
is well designed giving students a balanced taste of practical assignments, theory related
to Yoga & Bhagvad Gita, bhajans, pranayama with relaxation techniques as well as kriyas.
We also had several guest faculties coming in taking sessions on Bihar Yoga style,
Advanced Hatha Yoga, Bandhas & Mudras and Nauli kriya. They also test your knowledge
acquired through regular tests evaluated at the university level. YIC @SVYASA is an apt
course for beginners providing a holistic approach to yoga. Primarily viewed as just another
form of fitness, many people considering Yoga as an option between pilates, zumba, gym
routine, martial arts etc.. However, those in the yoga fraternity always imbibe Yoga as a way
of life. The first step to live life as a yogi is to understand Ashtanga yoga - the eight limbs of
Yoga which lays the foundation for what Yoga is in its entirety. Asanas are one of the
anagas (limbs). To a layperson, the very term ‘yogi’ might elicit someone who has
abandoned family, living in the mountains probably with an unkempt beard. Well, a ‘yogi’
need not have to be all of this. The Bhagvad Gita gives a beautiful definition:

|| yasmān nodvijate loko lokān nodvijate ca yah

harsāmarsabhayodvegair mukto yah sa ca me priyah || (Chapter 12 Sloka 15)

"By whom the world is not disturbed and he who is not disturbed by the world,
who is free from joy, impatience, fear and distress, he is also dear to Me.”

Anyone who wishes to walk the path towards becoming a yogi must simply live by what
Ashtanga yoga entails, to begin with. The picture below beautifully lays down the philosophy
of Ashtanga - the eight limbs provide a cohesive framework to follow for every single action
of ours.

(INSERT ASHTANGA TREE PICTURE)

Image taken from BKS Iyengar’s book ‘Tree of Yoga’

Asana practice & its significance

Having laid down the philosophy of Ashtanga yoga, one might wonder why Asanas are given
utmost importance. After all, when anyone utters the word ‘yoga’, the first thing that pops up
in our mind is most likely is yogasanas. If you closely look at how Ashtanga is meaningfully
structured - the first 2 limbs Yamas & Niyamas can be practiced as we go through daily life
activities and the choices we make in all major & minor areas - family, work, leisure, friends,
spirituality et cetera. The third limb - Asana helps us connect with our gross self, our body.
When we practice Yogasanas and hold these postures, it provides an easy platform to be
engrossed in the body and its parts. Just like how a novice swimmer is fully aware of his
bodily rhythm with breath or how an amateur driver is fully focused on the road, foot pedals
and gear shifts. Similarly, asanas offer a basis to proceed to the next limb (Pranayama) and
furthermore grow the Asthanga tree of our life . Progress happens when we are fully aware
of body - all our senses, organs and the inner working of our bodily systems. Simple things
like what kind of food suits us, how does our body adapt to varied weather conditions, the
change in our breathing and heart-rate when emotionally charged/ drained (happy/ low
moments). It is when we are able to relate to our body at this level, pranayama, pratyahara
(drawing senses inward), dhyana (focus) or what we call meditation in the modern times
become more meaningful. Dharana and Samadhi being the highest states once a person
has mastered themselves in all aspects and planes.

With this new found awareness, I am experiencing innumerable changes in my life. I feel like
I have found my true self and able to express my most innate spirit. Yoga, when practiced
rightly and holistically brings joys that we may have never known existed. So, for all those of
you who have been contemplating joining a yoga class, please do so and your body and
mind will thank you. My wish for you is to find the right guru/ teacher – which may be a
person, book or a form of media perhaps. Happy yogi-hood to all!