October 12, 2019

Dear Greenwood Parents,

It has been brought to my attention that there is a conversation going on about me that has not
included me. Although some parents called me and may feel complete, I would like to invite
you to join with me and Caitlan on Monday, October 14th at 4:00 to have a conversation about
aggression among children and what we can do to bring more kindness to their relationships. In
case you have plans, but want to be a part of the conversation, I’m willing to have you on
speaker phone or simply share with you via email or phone call. You are certainly not required
to attend. Only those parents with an interest or concern need to meet with us.

The ins and outs of the story are complex and when taken out of context sound more troubling
than they are. I want to be completely transparent and available for you always, so please reach
out to me and let me know how you want to proceed, or just come to Greenwood on Monday
at 4:00. My mobile number is {REDACTED}. I will be taking calls during the weekend if you
would rather just talk to me.

I understand that preschoolers tell their parents about school events, so it never occurred to
me that this attempt to stop aggression would meet with so much concern and criticism. I knew
they would talk about this at home. I wanted them to talk to you...sort of tell on themselves.
There are certain children that have been behaving aggressively with their closest friends,
friends they play with and love every day. We have been seeing over the last 2-3 weeks a
culture of conflict that seems instigated and deliberate. As teachers, we set out to apply our
typical conflict resolution approach by having “meetings” where both sides are heard and new
promises to be kind and gentle are made. In hindsight, I see that I made a mistake and will not
deviate from our normal practice in the future. The deviation that I chose has offended and
upset some parents.

So what happened on Thursday is Caitlan became frustrated about another stick-poking-

shoving match between two students. She called me to the area for advice, and we
contemplated what to do. I said let’s try something different. [Mistake of the day.]

I remember a time in my early years; I was probably five or six. I fought with my sister about her
changing the television station and we crashed into a sofa and broke a window. My grandfather
was given the opportunity to discipline us at the request of my mother. I was certain we would
get spanked, but he didn’t spank us. He took us out to the front yard and gathered the other
family members around us. He simply told us to fight. He said, “We can’t stop you from hurting
each other, but you are not going to wreck your mother’s house in the process. You can fight
right here right now.” We both burst into tears and begged him not to make us fight. He talked
to us about the “chain of pain.” He said when you hurt someone, their pain starts a chain
reaction. They will either hurt you or put that hurt to someone else. Through our tears, we
promised to pay for the window with our allowance and to never hurt each other again. And we
have kept that promise for more than 50 years.

My grandfather never meant for us to fight. He gambled that we would choose love over
aggression. His gamble paid off.

Well, I tried his reverse psychology on Thursday around 11:00. It failed in the worst way.
Several preschool children wanted to fight. I really thought there would be one shove or slap
and we would all apologize and go inside for story. Most of the children gleefully raised their
hands to volunteer to have a turn to fight. I allowed the shirt slapping and a bit of shoving
between volunteers. I made a fake bell sound and told them their match was over. “Does
someone else want a turn?” We took turns with the slapping and shoving. Some really
mimicked a slow dance with excited smiles. When someone got forceful or aggressive, we
ended their turn and told them why. I told them that we can’t let them really hurt each other. I
said “I can’t believe you like doing this.” Smiles continued. No one cried about it, several
children wanted to fight again. One actually cheered like a spectator at professional wrestling
match. We made the individual stop the cheering. Some clearly were not interested and were
glad to go inside. Caitlan and I were disappointed, but there was nothing at that point that we
could do. We just said, “Time is up. We have to go in or story now.” I knew the tactic had
failed, and set out to make a new plan with Caitlan regarding aggression. We were in a bit of
shock about the situation. We are still discussing what we observed, what we expected and
what we think we should do.

My style, the way I teach, is to make what I’m teaching a game. You know that about me. I was
teaching the fact that aggression can hurt people, and teaching it in a playful way. I was
teaching that fighting is hurtful and should be avoided and that any game where people get
hurt does not accomplish anything. I also want children to know that people who fight are
choosing to fight. People who don’t fight are choosing peace. I later discovered that Kim, who
had left the playground, before I started my controversial lesson, heard some of the yelling and
the fake bell and made some assumptions about what I was doing. She told me that she got
upset because she thought I was teaching children to fight, or teaching that fighting is a fun
game and that hurting others is ok. I actually was trying to “un-teach” that fighting is a fun
game and that hurting others is ok.

The next day, I refused to allow the children to fight even though some requested it. I told them
that games in which people get hurt are not games we want here. Several children reported
that they never wanted to fight. I told them that I had been expecting them to stop wanting to
hurt each other, and I am happy that some are feeling peaceful today. I started to see progress
throughout the day’s conversations. The understanding was beginning to gel. Further
conversations were held and boundaries were discussed. I don’t think that I have completely
failed to teach. I think I deviated from my methodology unnecessarily for 10 minutes, and then I
returned to my known path. It was an error in judgement and calculation. Caitlan and I will be
sure and stick to our training and not that of my grandfather’s in the future.

I apologize for the upset this has caused some parents. I better understand today what some of
your views are relating to aggression. I am hearing very different opinions from various parents.
So far everyone I have had time to talk to tell me that they want to be included in the decision
making process about how we handle some of this serious nature. One family has chosen to
withdraw from Greenwood altogether. It is not easy to make a one-size-fits-all response to
aggression. We have a very diverse community. Caitlan and I have enrolled in a course on
peaceful discipline with LifeWays. Our course begins next week. We are still learners in this
changing and complicated world.

With deep regrets and sincerity, I love you all and I love your children. Caitlan and I hope to
continue as your child's teachers.

Tracy

Tracy Schagen Owner/Director

Greenwood School

8319 Haskel Dr.

Austin, TX 78736

512.394.9171

www.greenwoodschool.net