Understanding Interpersonal

Communication
Chapter Seven
 Interpersonal
Communication Defined
Interpersonal Communication
• Two-way interactions between people who are part of a close and
irreplaceable relationship in which they treat each other as unique
individuals
Mediated Interpersonal Communication
• Why people use technology to communicate
• Mediated channels enable communication that would not happen otherwise
• Can feel non-threatening
• Can be validating
• Can pause the communication as needed

• The drawbacks?
• Too much online communication can diminish relationships
• Phubbing: Paying attention to phones instead of people around you
Interpersonal
Relationships
 How We Choose Relational Partners
Appearance
• physical factors become less
important as the relationship
progresses
Similarity
• Similar likes, economic class,
educational standing, values, etc.
Complementarity
• Differences strengthen a relationship
when each partner’s characteristics
satisfy the other’s needs
How We Choose Relational Partners
Competency
• We hope other’s skills and abilities will
rub off on us
Proximity
• We develop relationships with people
with whom we interact frequently
Disclosure
• Reciprocity is key to satisfying disclosure
How We Choose Relational Partners
Social Exchange Theory: We seek out people who can give us rewards
that are greater than or equal to the costs we encounter in dealing
with them
• Rewards: outcomes we desire
• Costs: undesirable outcomes
• Rewards + Costs = Outcome
Relationship Reality Check
• First impressions can mislead
• Our priorities change
• Perfection can be a turn-off
• It’s not all about communication,
but a lot of it is
Types of Interpersonal Relationships
• Friendship: A voluntary relationship that provides social support
• Youthful vs. Mature
• Short-term vs. Long-term
• Low disclosure vs. High disclosure
• Doing orientated vs. Being orientated
• Low obligation vs. High obligation
• Frequent vs. Occasional Contact
• Same gender vs. other gender
• In person vs. mediated
Family Relationships
• System with two or more interdependent people who have a
common history and a present reality and who expect to influence
each other in the future.
• Family narratives help:
• Reinforce shared goals
• teach morals
• reflect how to operate in the world
Romantic Partners
Intimacy requires that we express
ourselves personally through physical
contact, shared experiences,
intellectual sharing, and emotional
disclosures
Romantic
Partners
Stages of Romantic
Relationships
Stages of Romantic Relationships
• Initiating
• demonstrate you are interested in making contact
• Experimenting
• “auditioning” stage to find common ground
• Intensifying
• “honeymoon” stage of the relationship
• Integrating
• routines and rituals begin to develop
• Bonding
• symbolic publish gestures to show the world that the relationship exist
Stages of Romantic Relationships
• Differentiating
• re-establishment of individual identities
• Circumscribing
• distinctions are problematic when more areas of separation than integration
• Stagnating
• couples are enthusiastic, have no sense of joy or novelty
• Avoiding
• expressing detachment, distance created
• Terminating
• can be short or drawn out
Practical Lessons from Developmental
Model
• Each stage requires different types of communication
• Relational development involves risk and vulnerability
• Partners can change the direction a relationship is headed
Communication Patterns
in Relationships
Content and Relational Messages
Content message: focuses on the subject being discussed
Relational message: makes a statement about how the parties feel
toward one another
• Affinity
• Respect
• Immediacy
• Control
Metacommunication
Messages that refer to other messages; communicating about
communicating
Why is metacommunication
considered “taboo” in some
relationships?
 Self-Disclosure
The process of deliberately
revealing information
about oneself that is
significant and that would
not normally be known by
others
Dialectical Model
While most of us embrace ideals of closeness, certainty, and
openness in our relationships, the communication is not a straight
path toward these goals. Conflicts often produce the exact opposites.

Typical dialectical tensions experienced by relational partners:

Strategies for Managing Dialectical Tensions
Mary has become engage to marry Sam and she is experiencing
the tension between autonomy and connection. Mary strongly
desires to merge with Sam and be connected with them, yet she
adamantly wish to retain her individuality and autonomy.
Strategies for Managing Dialectical Tensions
• Denial
• choosing one side and denying the other
• Disorientation
• fatalism - inevitable and negative
• Alternation
• alternates over time, taking turns
• Segmentation
• one topic or activity having different outcomes
then others
• Reframing
• transformation so there is no longer any
opposition
Strategies for Managing Dialectical Tensions
• Reaffirmation
• Relationships involve continual
change and negotiation.
• Partners can be in sync in some
ways, but not in others.
• Some approaches are more
conducive to relational
satisfaction.