Improving Paragraphs

Tests your ability to revise sentences in the context of a paragraph or the entire essay, organize and develop
paragraphs in a coherent and logical manner, and apply the conventions of Standard Written English.

(1) Many times art history courses focus on the great "masters," ignoring those women who should have
achieved fame. (2) Often women artists like Mary Cassatt have worked in the shadows of their male
contemporaries. (3) They have rarely received much attention during their lifetimes.

(4) My art teacher has tried to make up for it by teaching us about women artists and their work. (5) Recently
she came to class very excited; she had just read about a little-known artist named Annie Johnson, a high school
teacher who had lived all of her life in New Haven, Connecticut. (6) Johnson never sold a painting, and her
obituary in 1937 did not even mention her many paintings. (7) Thanks to Bruce Blanchard, a Connecticut
businessman who bought some of her watercolors at an estate sale. (8) Johnson is finally starting to get the
attention that she deserved more than one hundred years ago. (9) Blanchard now owns a private collection of
hundreds of Johnson's works — watercolors, charcoal sketches, and pen-and-ink drawings.

(10) There are portraits and there are landscapes. (11) The thing that makes her work stand out are the portraits.
(12) My teacher described them as "unsentimental." (13) They do not idealize characters. (14) Characters are
presented almost photographically. (15) Many of the people in the pictures had an isolated, haunted look. (16)
My teacher said that isolation symbolizes Johnson's life as an artist.

1. In context, which is the best revision to the underlined portion of sentence 3?

(A) In fact, they had

(B) Too bad these artists have
(C) As a result, these women have Your Answer
(D) In spite of this, women artists
(E) Often it is the case that the former have

2. In context, which of the following revisions to sentence 7 is most needed?

(A) Delete "Thanks to".

(B) Move "Thanks to Bruce Blanchard" to the end of sentence 7.
(C) Delete "who".
(D) Change "her" to "Johnson's".
(E) Change the period to a comma and combine sentence 7 with sentence 8.

3. In context, which of the following is the best version of sentence 10?

(A) (As it is now)

(B) You can see both portraits and landscapes.
(C) Therefore, both portraits and landscapes are among her works.
(D) Johnson painted both portraits and landscapes. Your Answer
(E) Among them Johnson has portraits and landscapes.
(1) In the last fifty years, computers in many forms have become increasingly accessible. (2) For example,
today the calculator is regarded as an essential tool for basic calculations by students and businesspeople. (3)
Word processing is considered indispensable by most writers, researchers, and office workers. (4) In addition,
many families use computers to organize information, to balance budgets, and to provide entertainment.

4. Which of the following would be the most suitable sentence to insert immediately after sentence 1?

(A) The race is on to produce the "ultimate" computer.

(B) I have found the computer somewhat difficult to learn to operate.
(C) Many people are understandably intimidated by computers.
(D) They are now so common that they have a profound effect on daily life. Your Answer
(E) Modern telephones belong to the family of computers.

(1) Advertisements are present wherever we go. (2) They enter our houses in newspapers, magazines, and on
our television screens. (3) Television advertisements are used not only to sell products but, more importantly, to
sell ideas. (4) It is in selling ideas that ads have the most significant impact. (5) They interrupt most television
programs every few minutes. (6) Many ads imply that if we buy specific products then we will be happy. (7) An
example of this strategy is an ad in which a woman is shown driving her family in a new car. (8) She has a
smile on her face, a new car will bring people happiness.

5. Sentence 5 would make the most sense if placed after

(A) Sentence 1
(B) Sentence 2 Your Answer
(C) Sentence 8
(D) Sentence 6
(E) Sentence 7

(1) Recently a group of workers from a clothing factory in my hometown picketed peacefully in front of a
department store. (2) They carried signs, and passing shoppers were urged by them to buy products that were
made in the United States. (3) A newspaper article suggested that they were wrong. (4) It pointed out that nearly
all stores now sell goods that are not made in this country. (5) However, I would argue that the demonstrators
are right, consumers should think about the effect they can have on industries here in the United States.

6. In context, which is the best way to revise and combine the underlined portions of sentences 3 and 4.

(A) A newspaper article suggested that the demonstrators were wrong, pointing out
(B) They were wrong, a newspaper article suggested, it pointed out that
(C) Suggesting that they are wrong, in a newspaper article it says
(D) The newspaper article suggests that the shoppers were wrong, Your Answer
(E) In the newspaper article was the suggestion that they were wrong and
Improving Paragraphs

1. C

Although sentence 3 is not grammatically wrong, its relationship to the preceding sentence needs to be made
clearer. A transitional phrase should be added to emphasize the cause-and-effect relationship between the stated
facts — women artists received little attention as a consequence of having worked in the shadows of their male
contemporaries — and the ambiguous pronoun "They" should be replaced with a word or phrase that clearly
refers to the "women artists" and not the "male contemporaries" mentioned in sentence 2.

 (A), (B), and (D) are unsatisfactory because in each case the transitional phrase ("In fact," "Too bad," or
"In spite of this") fails to indicate the cause-and-effect relationship. Moreover, both (A) and (B) leave
the ambiguity of the pronoun unresolved.
 (E) is unsatisfactory not only because it fails to signal the cause-and-effect relationship but also because
it is wordy and illogically combines the adverbs "Often" and "rarely."
 (C) is correct. The transitional phrase "as a result" clearly indicates a cause-and-effect relationship, and
"these women" properly resolves the ambiguity of the pronoun "They."

2. E

Sentence 7 is a sentence fragment, with neither a subject nor a main verb to finish the thought it has begun. It
says "Thanks to Bruce Blanchard," but it does not say what happened thanks to Bruce Blanchard. It should
therefore be joined to an independent clause, complete with subject and verb, that indicates what happened as a
result of Blanchard's action.

 (A), (B), and (D) are unsatisfactory because each fails to provide the main verb needed to complete the
sentence. Each results in another sentence fragment.
 Although (C) results in a complete sentence, the sentence makes little sense in the context of the
paragraph because it suggests that Bruce Blanchard is someone other than the Connecticut businessman
who bought the watercolors.
 (E) is correct. This change results in a grammatically complete sentence that indicates what happened
thanks to Bruce Blanchard's efforts: Johnson began to get the attention she deserved.

3. D

In addition to being vague, sentence 10 contains no noun to which the pronoun "her" in sentence 11 may refer.
It should be revised so that Johnson is clearly identified as the painter of the portraits and landscapes.

 (A), (B), and (C) are unsatisfactory because each omits any mention of Johnson.
 Though (E) does mention Johnson, it is misleading in that the words "Johnson has" suggest that Johnson
is the owner rather than the painter of the portraits and landscapes.
 (D) is correct because it properly identifies Johnson as the painter of the artworks and thus provides an
antecedent for the pronoun "her" in sentence 11.

4. D

This question asks you to recognize that sentence (1) does not adequately introduce the examples described in
sentences (2), (3), and (4). The examples do more than illustrate how "increasingly accessible" computers have
become; they point out how indispensable and widespread the use of computers has become. The only choice
that expresses this idea is choice (D). The correct paragraph reads:
 o In the last fifty years, computers in many forms have become increasingly accessible.
They are now so common that they have a profound effect on daily life. For example,
today the calculator is regarded as an essential tool for basic calculations by students and
businesspeople. Word processing is considered indispensable by most writers,
researchers, and office workers. In addition, many families use computers to organize
information, to balance budgets, and to provide entertainment.

5. B

This question asks you to recognize that sentence 5 is an expansion of the thought introduced in sentence 2 and
properly belongs immediately after that sentence in the paragraph. To place the idea later in the paragraph
disrupts the progress of ideas that the writer is developing. The correct paragraph reads:

Advertisements are present wherever we go. They enter our houses in newspapers, magazines, and on our
television screens. They interrupt most television programs every few minutes. Television advertisements are
used not to sell products but, more importantly, to sell ideas. It is in selling ideas that ads have the most
significant impact. Many ads imply that if we buy specific products then we will be happy. An example of this
strategy is an ad in which a woman is shown driving her family in a new car. She has a smile on her face; the
new car has supposedly brought her happiness.

6. D

This question asks you to connect two related ideas. Choice (A) is the correct answer. Choice (B) incorrectly
and awkwardly connects several independent clauses with a comma. In choices (C) and (E), the pronoun "they"
is ambiguous and could refer to either "workers" or "shoppers." Choice (C) also has a structural problem. The
opening phrase, "Suggesting that they are wrong," should be immediately followed by the phrase "a newspaper
article" that it modifies. Choice (D) may be grammatically correct, but the use of the definite article "The" and
the present-tense verb "suggests" in choice (D) is inappropriate in the context of the passage.

The correct sentence reads: A newspaper article suggested that the demonstrators were wrong, pointing
out that nearly all stores now sell goods that are not made in this country.