Sample Critique Paper

TITLE: The X Game

GENRE: supernatural horror

OVERVIEW

It was a pleasure to read your novel, The X Game. The title itself evokes a
sense of play and mystery—What is the X? And what kind of game is it?

In critiquing your novel, I read it first as a reader, then again as an editor.

Although you will find occasional comments inserted in bubbles in the
electronic manuscript, the majority of my feedback is summarized here in this
critique. I will close this critique with my editorial recommendations and final
words.

PLOT & STRUCTURE

This has all the elements of a classic horror story. From the beginning, the
main character, a leader of a mysterious order, turns off the security system
inside the manor, immediately cueing the reader that the protagonist is about
to do something clandestine. There is an underground tunnel and secret doors,
and rumours of frightful things inside the forest. By the end of the prologue, it’s
clear from the tropes you use that this is a horror story with Gothic elements,
and that from this point on, things are only going to get worse—in a delicious,
thrilling way.

You wisely start in the middle of the action and propel the protagonist—and the
reader—into the unknown, which we know is going to be dangerous. There are
encounters—with a mysterious creature and an attack by wolves—that keep
the action going and the reader reading—all good.

After Egri is rescued by Jordan (perhaps too conveniently?) and taken to the
manor, he is confronted by a stranger—Marlo—who is the one who summoned
him in the first place. What Egri does not know, but we readers know, is that
Marlo is not a normal human being. In fact, he too is a supernatural creature,
possibly a vampire. In other words, the protagonist is not really safe nor is he in
an ordinary place, but rather he has entered an extraordinary world, and that
as much as he wishes to turn back, it is too late.

Overall, the plot is unfolding naturally—or perhaps I should say, classically.

The danger in taking this approach is that a sophisticated reader of horror is
not going to find much here that is fresh and new in the way of storytelling. But
if it’s an ordinary horror story that you’re hoping to provide, then I think that’s
what you have here.
CHARACTERS

Egri is a transparent and expressive character who does not hesitate to act,
speak, or run away (if he has to). His frank manner makes him easily knowable
and perhaps, for some, relatable and even comical. In a sense, he is your
average man who is put into extraordinary circumstances. It’s that tension
between the ordinary and the extraordinary that keeps the reader interested.
As a reader I want to know how the protagonist is going to react and cope with
all that happens to him. In other words, I want to know if he is going to survive
his ordeal and how he will be changed by it. Having said that, however, I
noticed that there are times when Egri over-expresses verbally and physically,
by shouting, talking to himself, and so on, which can have a theatrical and
cartoony effect. Sometimes, subtle words and gestures can be just as effective
in conveying fear, horror, and anger.

Marlo is the second major character and he is intriguing, because not only is
he a vampire, but a remorseful one. That in itself makes him rise a bit above
the stock vampires you see in fiction and movies. As a reader, I want to know
more about him and what he has done in the past and what he hopes to do to
rectify his past sins. I suggest developing this further in subsequent chapters.

POINT OF VIEW (POV)

You’ve chosen to write in third-person limited POV, starting with Egri, and then
switching to Marlo's in chapter 2. I think this approach works fine, as long as it
remains consistent throughout the novel.

SETTING

The setting is atmospheric and effective. In the opening chapter, it’s night time,
there is a manor, a dark forest, strong winds and rain. The important thing here
is to make sure the weather is consistent. In the forest, it’s windy and rainy, but
when Marlo is looking through the window, the sky is bluish and clear, with no
sign of wind or rain. So, as a reader, I’m wondering if the wind and rain in the
forest was an isolated event? Also, Marlo is looking out at a city skyline. This
was unexpected, since the way the beginning is written, it seems we are in the
remote countryside, where there are forests that go on for miles. Something to
think about.

VOICE/TONE

Voice is partly how characters speak as well as how the story is written. I found
that the most glaring inconsistency in voice is in the leader's diction. Normally,
he speaks in contemporary diction (the way most people speak today), but
occasionally he switches to more formal and archaic diction, which stops me
as a reader because it’s as if another voice has taken over. I have flagged
these areas in the manuscript for your review.

Regarding tone, this changes depending on whose POV we are following.

When it’s the leader's, the tone is one of urgency, fear, and confusion,
sometimes anger. When it’s Marlo's, there’s sadness and calm, with a bit of
irony too. This works fine as long as it’s consistent. What to be careful of is
over stressing tone by using ALL CAPS or exclamation points. There are other,
subtler ways to convey tone via gestures, physical details, metaphors, rhythm,
and so on.

TIMING/PACING

Above, I briefly mentioned rhythm. Rhythm involves pacing and timing.

Sentences have a rhythm, as do paragraphs and scenes. There are a few
instances where this isn’t working in the story and the action falls flat (see
pages 44 & 52). The dread and horror of the scenes are not effectively
conveyed—and horror relies heavily on timing and pacing to scare readers. So,
I recommend that you rewrite those areas, keeping in mind pacing and
timing—to create surprise, horror, and dread—the hallmark emotions in horror
fiction.

GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION, WORD USAGE, ETC.

I did a light copy edit with some heavy line editing, refining sentences when
necessary. Wherever I had questions or saw the need for a major change, I
inserted a comment bubble with my query and suggested revision.

EDITORIAL RECOMMENDATIONS

Most of my recommendations have already been given, but to summarize here,

I think what you have written is a contemporary Gothic horror story that, with
some refinements, will no doubt find avid readers of genre fiction. The question
you may need to ask yourself is, Do I want to give readers something new? If
so, you may have to rethink the tropes and motifs you are using and
re-imagine this story differently, so as to surprise and satisfy the more
sophisticated reader of horror fiction.

Whatever you decide, I recommend revising the manuscript, keeping in mind

my comments and suggestions. After that, the next step would be to either
submit this to an agent (who specializes in horror fiction) or self-publish, if that
is your intention. If you decide to self-publish, I recommend having your book
copy edited and proofread to ensure that your book is error-free prior to
publication.
REACTION PAPER IN THE MOVIE JOSE RIZAL
The movie tells the life story of Jose Rizal, the national hero of the Philippines.
Athree-hour epic on the life and struggles of his poet and patriotisms.It covers
his life from
his childhood to his execution at the hands of the Span
i s h f o r c e s o c c u p y i n g t h e Philippines in the late 19th century. We are
also thrown into the world of Rizal's novels (filmed in black and white), so we
get a glimpse of how he viewed Filipino society under the Spanish heal.

The film also through a series of flashback showing Rizal as a genius, a

writer, a doctor, an artist, a lover, a friend, a brother and a son, thus giving a
rich texture of Rizal’s character.

The movie introduces us to the life of subjugation of the Filipino people

under therule of the Spanish friars. From the execution of three Filipino priests
in 1872 for alleged subversion to the harsh and unequal treatment of
Filipino students in the schools, thisfilm is a stinging indictment of Spanish
colonial rule in the Philippines.

I also commend the film for its bravery in showing the evil
t y r a n n y o f t h e Catholic Church during that time. Considering that the
Philippines is a Catholic nation that is like butchering a sacred cow but
alas, Abaya works her magic in depicting the suffering of the Filipinos
because of the friars.

This is by far the best Filipino movie that I have seen so far. I would urge
anyone reading this who likes movies, to either rent it or buy it.

I particularly love the last scene of the film when Rizal fell in the
ground facing the sky, having his last breath looking at a beautiful
sunrise- a metaphor depicting tha tRizal did not die in vain. He did not
die for nothing. He did not die defeated. Rather he died victorious
because his death is the torch that lights Philippine independence,
that ignites Philippine Revolution.